"...and now we come to your current situation."
For most of the conversation, Jonah had at first been skeptical, then dumbstruck, and then again skeptical again. The things the man were saying were of science fiction and fantasy stories. The fact that he was here instead of back home, though, had made him at least absorb what the man was saying. At the first mention of Buffy, though, Jonah had almost wanted to jump and tell this Rupert that he might be talking about his wife. But for some reason, he didn't. He just thought he should wait until the explanation was done.
And now it had finished, and while the Faiths past and future laughed about something, Jonah's mind was in a turmoil. All laws of science demanded that he not believe a word of what this man had to say, but what else was to explain his sudden appearance in this town, and in 1998, mind you!
God, what was he to think?
As Jonah's view of reality slowly crumbled to his feet, Giles looked at him closely. He knew he was hiding something: some time in his explanation Jonah had opened his mouth as if to say something, and then closed it again. He wondered what it was, but he had many things to wonder. He wondered about Faith and F-Faith, who were enjoying themselves by telling raunchy men jokes. He wondered about D-Giles, about where the dog had gone and why he had come back in time. He wondered if his future self would come through, or if he was dead in the future, from natural or unnatural causes. He wondered if the others had met their future selves.
When he got those answers, he'd fell a hell of a lot better.
"Are you...certain what you said was true?" Jonah asked slowly and carefully, as though he wanted to make sure of what he was saying, lest it sound to ridiculous to him. He arched his eyebrows at Giles, and he suddenly felt sympathetic for the man. He was obviously just trying to live a normal life and then *boom*, here he was.
Giles nodded sagely. "I'm afraid so. I'm dreadfully sorry you had to be transported into this mess, not of your own accord, but you are going to have to-"
Suddenly the library doors opened, and a young blond came sashaying through. Jonah's mouth dropped. {No way...} he thought, his eyes looking her up and down. He had a perfect memory and 99% of the time he was never wrong. This was, without a doubt, the Buffy Summers he had met when she had been going under the name of "Anne."
Jonah made some unrecognizable mouth noises, and then clammed up. The blond was already speaking to Giles, unaware of any one else in the library.
"Okay, Giles, the Future People are right behind us," she started, marching in all business-like while still looking soft and feminine and vulnerable. Right behind her came three more teenagers, one boy with a slight built and brown hair, and the other two, a boy and a girl, looking like the preincarnations of Willow and Jeremy Osbourne. Jonah's eyebrows creased in frustration, and this was an emotion he was not enjoying. Where had sense taken a vacation to?!
"And..." the girl who looked a heck of a lot Buffy turned around and stared at the double doors. "I could pick a less cruder way to put this, but..." she turned back to Giles. "I can't. Us as adults are pretty fucked up, Giles."
As Giles was gathering himself to answer, Buffy's eyes settled on Jonah. F-Faith had quieted down to the see the reaction, and Faith followed in suit.
Buffy was beyond manners. She felt no control over her situation, and she wanted to be in control very much. This kind of helplessness was beginning to really get on her nerves. She was the *Slayer* for goodness sakes! Maybe if she could demolish something she could releases some tension. Maybe burn down a gym or two.
"Who are you?' she asked Jonah bluntly, giving him a glance. Jonah made several unidentifiable mouth noises and just looked this girl up and down. Buffy sighed and took her attention away from the man, and looked towards the people that had followed her in, and then again made the mental travel to the door.
Now there could be shouts heard. Xander winced and sort of hunched over. Then the doors flew open, and in came one fiery blond.
"No, *you're* the stupid one, Hyena-boy! Now don't go giving me shit like you've never done anything wrong in your life! Want me to point out your mistakes, although that until me a fucking centuries of lifetimes to tell them all! Jesus *Christ,* Xander, you're no saint! Why do always think I should be one, then?"
At that, she flounced around and spun on her bare heel, ignoring the pain. She glared at her younger self for a moment, and then looked over at Giles and Jonah. She passed over his face, and then took a double take and recognition lit up her face. "*Jo*nah!" she said, her voice full of relief and breathless.
Jonah was still trying to regain his speech. He'd barely stood up when F-Buffy went barreling into his arms, and he closed his eyes and pulled her tight. He needed something familiar in this world, and oh god, she was wearing that perfume again, the one that got him every time. In was in her hair along with her shampoo and it was everywhere, and Jonah wanted to get lost in that scent and not open his eyes and have to face whatever something else had gotten him into.
But he had to, so he did. He let his eyes pass over the young ones and saw F-Willow and F-Oz there, she in her nightclothes and F-Oz in the clothes he slept in at night. Both of them passed dim flickers of I-think-I-know-who-he-is-I'm-not-sure looks and then remembered they'd been on the soundtrack for some of his movies. Then he flicked his eyes toward F-Xander, and the biting malice he saw there he did not want to bear for long. He looked last at F-Cordelia, who gave him a faint twist of a smile, as if to apologize for how F-Xander was acting.
"Buffy, do you know what's going on?" he whispered into his wife's ear, bending down and casting a wary eye around the room. Buffy just burrowed deeper into the crook of his arm, ignoring the question. "Buffy," he warned, "this is no time to play games." He felt as though he were chiding Es, and strangely enough, he felt like Buffy had been reduced to the point of needed him to treat her like Es. At least in these surroundings.
"Oh, hey, how'd he get?" Willow asked, looking at Giles while Buffy continued gaping at the fact of her hugging another man. {What about Angel...) Buffy though. {Oh God, please just let that be a friend!}
"Um, it's rather strange, and er," Giles looked towards F-Xander. "I think I might have to talk with our travelers and compare the two stories."
"Jonah," F-Buffy said, her voice soft and muffled. Jonah answered "yes" and bent his head down further. She lifted her face up and met it with his. "You've got to promise me that you're not going to be angry about anything you find out while we're in this mess, do you understand?"
"Buffy, I'd promise you anything, but I need to know what you're worried I'm going to be angry over before I decided what kind of emotion I'm going to express. I don't want to promise I'm going to be okay with anything and then have it turn out to be a lie, whether I like it or not. You know me pretty well, so if you think I'm going to be angry about whatever I might find out, then in all respects, I most probably will." He saw Buffy's face fall. "But don't worry, sweetheart. I could never stay mad at you for long." Keeping his voice low, he looked over at the future people. "Now, before I ask you anything else, do you mind explain why Xander and Cordelia are here with you, and why you've got two rock stars tagging along too? And just don't mind me if I care to not register my surroundings or the people dressed like it's the '90s or that fact that they're saying it *is* the '90s."
Buffy shrugged. "I am definitely not the one to explain all this." Then she noticed the eyes on the two of them. She turned around and gave everybody her who-are-you-looking-at glare. F-Xander rolled his eyes.
"Can we get on with finding out why the hell we're all screwed and leave the two match-made-in-hell alone?" Another jab from F-Cordy, but he ignored it and walked past everyone else, pulling two chairs out. F-Cordy shrugged and sat down next to him as F-Faith suddenly engaged in a conversation with F-Xander.
F-Oz started towards the table, but F-Buffy stopped F-Willow before she could go to. "Who's he?" she hissed, darting her eyes towards F-Buffy.
F-Willow swallowed nervously, and blink several times before allowing herself to speak. "That's your husband, Buffy." Then she slid out of Buffy's tight grip with an unnatural ease and hurried over to get herself a place in F-Oz's lap, not giving Buffy another look.
Everyone else took their seats somewhat dumbly. Nearest to the stacks were Faith, F-Faith, and Xander. Across from them were F-Xander, F-Cordelia, and F-Oz with F-Willow in his lap. Next to F-Xander and Faith was Oz with Willow in his lap, and next to F-Oz, F-Willow, and Xander was Buffy. Giles, Jonah, and F-Buffy were left standing.
"So, what's the sitch?" Buffy asked, her eyes still on her future self and future hubby.
"The Talking Encyclopedia says it's the apocalypse," said F-Faith nonchalantly, as though she were talking about the weather.
"Hanson's taken over Microsoft?" F-Xander asked innocently, and F-Cordelia and F-Willow snickered.
Buffy looked towards Xander. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humor," she told him. Xander looked at Buffy. "It seems as though I haven't lost *anything*, Buff," and Buffy looked at F-Xander. Yup, Xander was right...except whatever they had as a friendship seemed to have gone away.
She'd be damned if she didn't find out why.
There was a sudden shuffling from the stacks. There was a golden glint of fur, and then it cam hurtling towards Jonah and F-Buffy like the wind.
"Giles!" F-Buffy cried out, confused more than relieved as she knelt down to give her pet a hug. D-Giles happily licked her face, and then scrambling out of her arms to go get some from Jonah. Jonah reached down and patted his dog's head like a robot, and ten D-Giles fell to his owners' feet as F-Buffy stood up again.
"Um, no," Giles said, getting back to the point. He took off his glasses, wiped them, then placed them back on his nose. "A-actually there is this poem that foretells, well...the death of the Slayers."
"Both of us?" Faith asked. Giles shook his head no. "Only one?"
Another shake of the head. "All four."
"Four?" Jonah asked before anyone else could. "But we only have two here, Faith and Future Faith..." He trailed off as he saw the looks on everyone's faces. "What? I'm new here."
He felt F-Buffy sucked in her breath sharply, and Jonah backed a way a bit so that he could see her clearly. "Remember what I was afraid that you might be mad about?' she asked, her voice small.
Jonah creased his eyebrows yet again, and it took a moment before it dawned on him. "Oh," he said, his voice odd. "Oh." Then he looked at F-Buffy. "Boy do you know me, 'cause you're right." Now he was hurt. "Why didn't you ever tell me this before? Were you even planning to tell me? I mean...I never lie to *you*."
"Wait!" F-Buffy said, reaching out for him. She hated seeing him upset at her, and what she hated more was seeing him hurt by her. "I-I can explain." She paused. "Kind of." He took a breath. "You see, I didn't tell you because..."
She stopped and turned towards F-Xander. Everyone did the same. He opened his eyes wide and held up his hands in defense.
"What? Why is everyone looking at me? I have nothing to say! Do I *always* have to say something?"
"You usually do," Jonah said, his voice dry. F-Xander shot him a look. "B-but obviously you don't now, so," he turned back to F-Buffy. "I'm waiting."
F-Buffy bit her lip. "You see, I didn't tell you because really, I'm kind of not the Slayer anymore."
"Ch-yeah," F-Faith said, leaning back in her chair. F-Buffy did not turn to face her. "You're just a little traitor, running away from all yer problems." Now Buffy did turn around. "Oh yeah, get angry at me, you little whore. I'm the one whose doing *your* job for *you*. I'm the one with some sense of responsi*bi*lity-"
"Who are you calling a whore?" F-Buffy asked angrily, turning completely away from Jonah and putting her hands on both hips. F-Faith took that as a challenge and stood up, putting her hands in the same position.
"You."
"Looks who's talking. You make Sharon Stone look like a saint."
"Fuck you, Buffy," F-Xander interjected, standing up and looking over at F-Faith. She shrugged and sat down, leaving the rest up to her friend. "You're the whore." He looked right into Jonah's eyes, and the man did not flinch. F-Xander had always tried to get at him through F-Buffy, and what could he say that was possibly new?
"Does he know about Angel?" he asked F-Buffy, never taking his eyes off her husband.
F-Buffy's eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare," she hissed.
Buffy jumped up and stood next to her older self. "Yeah, you'd better not."
"Oh, I'd do it." He continued on regardless of the two deadly blondes. "You think your wife's a saint, huh, Jonah? Do you know about Angel, do you know about the other things she's done? Do you know about Jenny? Do you know about Jenny's uncle?"
F-Buffy put her hands to her ears. "Stop it," she warned, closing her eyes. Buffy gave her an incredulous look.
"Do you know about Theresa? Do you know about Kendra? Do you know about-"
"*Stop it*!" F-Buffy yelled, unable to take anymore. A little tear leaked out from under one closed eyelid, and then Jonah took her into his arms. The past people looked up at F-Xander to see his response. He calmly sat down, not caring at all about Buffy's crying. Next to him, F-Cordelia was shaking her head, but made no move to berate him. F-Faith had a smug look on her face that Faith was currently copying. F-Willow and F-Oz were studying their hands and the floor with rapt attention.
Before anyone could say anything, there was a sudden, tinny ringing. Everyone looked around, uncertain as to what it was. It continued, ringing as a phone would. In fact, it sounded-
"It sounds like a cell phone," Oz said cautiously, unsure as who to direct it to. The future people all looked at each other.
"It's not mine," Jonah said right of the bat. "I didn't get a chance to grab mine before I got here."
"Not mine," followed Xander. "All out of batteries. Anyone who was supposed to call me was to use Cordy's number..." He trailed off and all eyes focused on F-Cordelia.
"What?" she asked, suddenly self-conscious. The ringing came started up again, sounding ominous and urgent. "Ohhhhh," she said, getting it. Her hand was halfway to her back pocket when she froze. "But how ..."
"Perhaps your number is registered here and now as the number of someone else," Giles offered, as the phone continued to ring.
"Just pick it up an see who it is," F-Xander told her.
F-Cordelia shook her head and grabbed the slimmed-down cell phone that looked completely different from a cell phone of the 20th century variety. She tossed it on the table in front of F-Xander. "I'm not touching it," she told him, as though he had told her to pick up peat moss and carry it around.
F-Xander sighed and picked up the phone, unfolded it, and pressed a button before he brought it up to his ear. He listened for a few seconds, and then went dead pale.
"What?" F-Cordy pressed, scooting closer to him. "What? Xander, what's wrong?"
Natalie Monroe stood in front of the kitchen counter, running one sweaty hand through her mussed hair. Another sweaty hand gripped the old-fashioned telephone she kept in the kitchen, the nostalgic one that reminded her of when she was in her twenties in the early 90s. It took all her willpower to keep combing back her hair with her fingers instead of jabbing in the number of the police station again. {They told you Natalie they told you already...they've got them in their files, they've got them and in 24 hours good lord if they don't come back then they'll try tracking them down...oh god oh god, the poor children are out there somewhere and their lost and crying and oh god they could be killed or raped or maimed or cut up in little jars or they're going to find just their heads...Jesus Christ-} "*Pick up the goddamn phone Cordelia*!"
She just finished her shout when there was a click, and then there was connection. Natalie didn't wait to hear if it was Cordelia or Xander. They were both the parents, and they would *kill* her oh god if they didn't find the children...
"Cordelia Xander oh my god I don't really give a shit as to who is on the other end of this goddamn phone and Jesus Mary Lord the children have been kidnapped and poor little Nicky and Julie and Josh and little tiny Annie they're *gone* they've been taken and I've called the police but they have to missing 24 hours and I don't know where they've gone I took a nap for a few hours and Nicky didn't wake me he always wakes me but he didn't this time so I overslept and then went downstairs and everything was in its place just like except there were crumbs in the living room and the game the twins were playing was just abandoned and there are fucking *scorch marks* on the fucking floor and Jesus Christ Cordelia Xander they've gone missing and I've done nothing and all I've good and please don't please don't do anything to me and don't go insane because I'm going insane enough for the both of us!"
Natalie took a deep breath that shook with unshed tears. "This can't...this can't..." She trying to say "This can't be happening" but it just was not coming on.
There was silence on the other end. "Christ don't tell I talked to fucking *no one*!" She yelled into the phone. She hadn't used this much profanity or called on so many Holy People since she was nineteen years old.
"No, no, I'm here." She heard Xander's voice flood the receiver, and she had to hold it away from her ear. She could now hear noise in the background, and Cordelia's voice asking what was going on. She heard Xander swallow and the sound was extremely magnified. "N-Natalie...are you sure?"
"Dammit, Xander, I may have to wear glasses but I'm not blind or deaf and the children aren't here." She broke sobbing. "I've been taking care of children since I was eleven and this has never happened to me! I just don't understand it Xander they disappeared and nothing can just *disappear*!" She leaned heavily on the counter and let her body go slack, her elbows supporting her frame and the phone just barely dangling in her arms. She felt absolutely horrible and then tried to think about what Xander was feeling.
"Xander, please, I'm so sorry, and I'm going to get into my car right now and search for them, because I don't know what's fucking *wrong* with the Connecticut police force and I am gong to march down there when I have found those children and demand a policy change. Hell, I'll go to City Hall! I know I'm probably making you even more worried or something but I have no idea where they have gone to they've just *dis*appeared." She took another deep breath and her body shook. "Are you have you will you tell Cordelia?"
There was some more silence, but not dead silence like before, because she could hear his steady breathing and Cordelia still asking to know what's going on. "Not right now," she told her, his voice slow and careful. "Natalie, I want you to listen to me. Are you listening to me."
"Half of my brain is," Natalie told him. "The other part of my brain is panicking. Let me switch to the functioning part." She took another breath. "I'm listening."
"Don't you go anywhere. There is absolutely nothing you can do. You don't need the kind of stress to go on a wild goose chase. I know exactly where they are."
"You do?' Natalie asked hopefully, latching on to that gem of a sentence.
"Yes, Nat, I do. You remember that big case I'm doing, the one that's cause me to partner up with that other firm, that ritzy one that has a name seventeen words long?"
"Yes, Xander, I do. The Firm of Stokes, Springer, Gonzalez, Simonian, and Laski."
"Do you know what the case is about?"
"No. You've told me nothing and nothing's in the paper. Everything's very hush-hush but everyone knows it's a big deal."
"Right, because it is a very big deal. Dangerous stuff...er, it has to do with Sakash Arven, conditions in China, the Libyan government, and...more top secret things I cannot tell you about now."
"Oh," Natalie said, but just her mouth moved, with no sound coming out. She cleared her throat, which turned into a coughing fit. "Oh, I see," Natalie finally managed, "but Jesus Xander, that means the kids have been kidnapped by whoever your firm and that other firm is fighting against?"
"Correct. There is danger-" the background voices had long ago faded, and Natalie realized he must have moved somewhere more private "-here, but the States have people who handle this kind of thing. Hang up after I finish, and call the police. Tell them that you have found the children and there is no need to worry, that they were hiding somewhere in the house. You have checked the house, right?"
"Yes, they're...they're gone."
"It's going to be okay, Natalie. It's not your fault, it's not my fault..." another pause "...it's not anyone's fault. And the kids are going to be safe, and they'll be back, I promise."
"They're not even my kids and I'm more nervous then you are." Natalie meant it so sound as an attempt at a half-hearted joke, but it came out more like she as accusing him.
"That's because I know they're going to be safe," Xander said, his voice still soothing. "Now I want you to hang up and tell the police not to worry. Cordy and I will stop shopping and get right to alerting the correct authorities. By the way, Natalie, we've got you a wonderful gift."
"Thank you, Xander," she told him weakly, "I'm sure I'll enjoy whatever you get me. And promise me you're going to find those kids."
"I promise." And then Xander hang up, and as soon as the little beep sounded, Natalie put the phone down, not caring that she put it incorrectly in the cradle. She stumbled out of the kitchen and went to take a quick shower before she called the police.
She was already upstairs when there was a click from the phone and then the operators voice.
"You have tried calling...555-6738....That number...555-6738....is currently out of the service range. Please try again. You have tried calling..."
In the past, shaky at first from receiving a call from the future, then shaky to discover that his kids were missing from a very well-protected home under strange circumstances. And he was 99% sure what those circumstances were, because as Natalie put it, no one just disappears.
So no F-Xander wondered how freaked out F-Cordy was going to be about the fact that their children had been sucked into the past and were either wandering around someone in Sunnydale or already kidnapped, killed, or maimed by something preternatural or stuck in the limbos of time. F-Xander would rather do anything else than go out there and tell F-Cordy that her children were missing. It was no lie that mothers were very protective. Just a year ago F-Cordy had parked outside Wolf's Camera to pick up a roll of film, and left the four kids in the van. She had not properly put the car in park, so as she was entering, the car began to roll away. She had left her pick-up ticket in the car, so she hurried back out to find her car rolling away with four very scared children screaming out of the windows. She remembered nothing of what happened next, but onlookers had reported that she had sprinted after the car, pulled open the unlocked driver's door, jumped in and stopped the car before it had gone into traffic.
F-Cordy could be superficial and egotistical and might not care to much about people or things, but try and mess with her kids, hell, try to mess with Julie and Josh too, and she was as much as match as F-Willow or F-Oz could be.
That's why he didn't want to go out there and tell her. That's why he'd rather stay here and keep thinking about how much he didn't want to go out there. But he did go back out there, out of the stacks, walked down the stairs, looked at F-Cordelia, motioned for her to go in the stacks, and as she obediently brushed past him, he looked over at Jonah. He glared back, and with good reason, too. F-Xander just quelled the urge to deck the man and looked at Jonah with a serious face. Jonah mellowed out.
F-Xander took his arm and turned him away from Buffy and the rest of the gang. "Listen to me," he said, trying to remember that he was doing this for Elisabeth Sarah, and that she was just a kid and did not have to be held accounted for the fact that her parents were a bunch of jerks. "The woman who takes care of my children called me-" he held up the cell phone to Jonah as though it were proof "-and told me my kids have gone missing. Now before you ask why the fuck it should be your problem, too, it is, because in all likelihood if *my* kids have gone mising than *your* kids as deep into the shit as mine are. Now." F-Xander put the phone in Joanh's hand. "Call whoever can check on your kid or-oh yeah, your kid stays home alone now, right? Yeah, she's seven. Okay, call the house. If she doesn't answer, call someone who can check-"
"-I know what to do, I'm not mentally challenged-"
"-up on your house and your kid and if she's not there, then we've got some serious problems." He looked Jonah up and down. "Tell Buffy only if you think she can handle."
"If I can handle what?" F-Buffy asked from behind the men. She could not hear what they were saying, so F-Xander just rolled his eyes and looked at Jonah out of the corner of his eyes.
"Do the world a favor, man, and don't tell the bit-Buffy."
Jonah narrowed his and nodded, and thought this was something serious if F-Xander was stopping himself from insulting his wife. "Okay. Are you sure this thing works?"
"Yeah, but it's going to be a hell of bill, goddammit. I don't know if my phone company covers trans-dimensional calls."
"Split the bill with me." And that was that. No pointed "What, you think because you're some hot-shot director that you have more money than me?" or "What, you think I don't make enough fucking money to pay my bills" or anything else resembling the bitter form of F-Xander. Jonah shook his head to wake himself up from whatever nightmare he was in but he was awake, and he was following F-Xander into the stacks, and he was telling F-Buffy what was going on while F-Xander was trying to explain to Cordelia.
Why was this happening to him?
Meghan Brewer lived in a big mansion with a dog, a cat, several tropical fish, and one bird that was constantly freeing itself of it's cage and running into walls because it was clipped, poor thing. She was 34, looked 27, and living alone with countless lovers who knew nothing of each other and she was happy. She liked the way she was living. She supposed that when she entered her mid-life crises she would want to settle down but right now she was enjoying her freedom.
Party or no party, she went to sleep promptly at 1:00 every night, unless there was a special awards ceremony where she was being awarded something. Even then, if she had won nothing by 1:30, she was the hell out of there asking Buffy or Erika or Yvonne to pick up her award for her, or hell, even the guy she was flirting with that night. Then she'd sleep like a log, nothing waking her up, until the sunrise, where she always woke up even without her alarm clock. She had been doing this routine since she was eight years old and her body had since been conditioned.
So, she was awake and flipping through the latest tabloid magazines seeing if the Enquirer had indeed doctored those photos so that it would look like she was secretly having Matt Damon's lovechild. I mean, really. Please.
Just as she had reached the article, the phone rang. Meghan reached one long arm over her head and picked up her cordless. She pressed the correct button and tucked it under her chin and began to read. "Hello, this is Meghan Brewer. I don't do interviews, autographs, or windows. Who the hell are you?"
"It's Jonah, Meghan. I need you to do me a favor."
"Jonah, hi! How's Buffy and Es? They've cut her hair yet, right? I mean, really, only music people have hair that long. Really out of fashion. What's the favor."
"Still with the long hair, Meghan." Meghan uncrossed her legs and leaned deep into her white Italian leather couch. She looked down at the article and reached on hand up to stroke her ear-length blond hair. "And I need you to get up, go over to our house, and check if Es is there."
"I'm busy, babe. Sorry."
"Meghan, don't make me laugh. You're never busy. That's what I love about you."
"Is your wife there, Jonah?" Meghan laughed. She loved the easy banter they shared, and she loved being neighbors. "Is she hearing you say this to me?"
"Yes, she's here, and she's hearing, and she's also telling me that it's pretty damn urgent to drag your gorgeous butt off that gorgeous couch of yours and go over to our little shack and check up on our kid."
Meghan clucked her tongue. "Boy, Jonah, you can be so persistent sometimes. How does Buffy deal with you?" She was dressed, but barefoot, and as she got up the couch, the Enquirer slipping to the floor and dirt where it belonged, she walked over to the entranceway and slid into her flats. "What's up with the little star? Finally let her in one of them movie roles the other directors are pestering you about? Want her to wake up early?" She turned the doorknob and stepped outside, closing the door behind her. She waved to the couple that lived across the streets, the DiCaprio's, and they waved back through their living room window. "Where are you, anyway?"
"You ask to many questions. Just check, will you?"
"Fine." Meghan cut through the little walkway they had in their front yards and ducked into the Daly front yard. "You've got to cut your grass."
"Not my job. It's Paolo's. Besides, Es likes it long, and I live my days to serve her."
"What about Buffy?"
"She has me for the nights."
Now she was at the front door. She sighed and went over to the windowsill, and peeled back what looked like a regular piece of the wall and instead peeled back a little hole in which a key rested. She got the key and smoothed the fake piece of the wall into place. "Did you install an elevator? I'm going to kill myself walking up and down three freakin' floors."
"Try. Not to," he added hurriedly. Meghan turned the key in the lock, laughed, and entered the house.
She walked up the stairs, past the second floor, and made idle chit-chat so she wouldn't have to hear the hallow echoes the slaps of her soles against the marble made on the steps. She finally got on the third floor and paused outside Es' room. The place seemed so deserted.
"I am now entering...the Twilight Zone," Meghan said, trying to shake off her uneasy feeling. She thought, but could not confirm, that Jonah said something that sounded like, "I'm there already."
"No, Jonah, she's not here. Why, is something going on? Should I be worried?"
Jonah's tongue was heavy in his mouth. "Yes, dammit, be worried! Be so worried that you'll have a heart attack, because that's what I feel like having! You won't believe what's happening to me over here, and I can barely handle it! Just imagine what my kid's gonna go through...in fact, imagine it for me so I don't have to think of all the horrible things that could happen to her!"
Well, that's what he wanted to say. What he did in fact say was, "No. No cause to be alarmed." Then he did the necessary casual good-byes and hung up. Then he turned to F-Buffy, who's face was already as pale as a vampire's. F-Xander and F-Cordelia looked on, and for the moment, F-Xander almost looked as though he was interested as to how Jonah and F-Buffy were feeling at the moment.
"She's not there," Jonah said, his voice hoarse. F-Buffy sighed, closed here eyes, and slumped against her husband. Jonah put one comforting arm around her, and handed F-Xander another. Both guys were trying to keep it under control, and F-Buffy and F-Cordy were trying their best not to cry. F-Xander took the phone without another word and then looked at F-Buffy.
"Are you...okay?" he asked, and it sounded forced and fake to everyone who could hear it.
"You don't have to pretend," F-Buffy said crossly. She looked at him with icy green eyes. "I know you don't give a flying fuck."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean *I* don't care," F-Cordelia put in. She let her eyes touched on Jonah. "And if I care about the disappearance of my niece, then Xander cares about it. Right?" Xander nodded. F-Cordelia then put on a little smile. "Dance, my puppet, dance!" she giggled, and F-Xander allowed himself a smile and drew her close.
"You know I can't dance, Cor."
For most of the conversation, Jonah had at first been skeptical, then dumbstruck, and then again skeptical again. The things the man were saying were of science fiction and fantasy stories. The fact that he was here instead of back home, though, had made him at least absorb what the man was saying. At the first mention of Buffy, though, Jonah had almost wanted to jump and tell this Rupert that he might be talking about his wife. But for some reason, he didn't. He just thought he should wait until the explanation was done.
And now it had finished, and while the Faiths past and future laughed about something, Jonah's mind was in a turmoil. All laws of science demanded that he not believe a word of what this man had to say, but what else was to explain his sudden appearance in this town, and in 1998, mind you!
God, what was he to think?
As Jonah's view of reality slowly crumbled to his feet, Giles looked at him closely. He knew he was hiding something: some time in his explanation Jonah had opened his mouth as if to say something, and then closed it again. He wondered what it was, but he had many things to wonder. He wondered about Faith and F-Faith, who were enjoying themselves by telling raunchy men jokes. He wondered about D-Giles, about where the dog had gone and why he had come back in time. He wondered if his future self would come through, or if he was dead in the future, from natural or unnatural causes. He wondered if the others had met their future selves.
When he got those answers, he'd fell a hell of a lot better.
"Are you...certain what you said was true?" Jonah asked slowly and carefully, as though he wanted to make sure of what he was saying, lest it sound to ridiculous to him. He arched his eyebrows at Giles, and he suddenly felt sympathetic for the man. He was obviously just trying to live a normal life and then *boom*, here he was.
Giles nodded sagely. "I'm afraid so. I'm dreadfully sorry you had to be transported into this mess, not of your own accord, but you are going to have to-"
Suddenly the library doors opened, and a young blond came sashaying through. Jonah's mouth dropped. {No way...} he thought, his eyes looking her up and down. He had a perfect memory and 99% of the time he was never wrong. This was, without a doubt, the Buffy Summers he had met when she had been going under the name of "Anne."
Jonah made some unrecognizable mouth noises, and then clammed up. The blond was already speaking to Giles, unaware of any one else in the library.
"Okay, Giles, the Future People are right behind us," she started, marching in all business-like while still looking soft and feminine and vulnerable. Right behind her came three more teenagers, one boy with a slight built and brown hair, and the other two, a boy and a girl, looking like the preincarnations of Willow and Jeremy Osbourne. Jonah's eyebrows creased in frustration, and this was an emotion he was not enjoying. Where had sense taken a vacation to?!
"And..." the girl who looked a heck of a lot Buffy turned around and stared at the double doors. "I could pick a less cruder way to put this, but..." she turned back to Giles. "I can't. Us as adults are pretty fucked up, Giles."
As Giles was gathering himself to answer, Buffy's eyes settled on Jonah. F-Faith had quieted down to the see the reaction, and Faith followed in suit.
Buffy was beyond manners. She felt no control over her situation, and she wanted to be in control very much. This kind of helplessness was beginning to really get on her nerves. She was the *Slayer* for goodness sakes! Maybe if she could demolish something she could releases some tension. Maybe burn down a gym or two.
"Who are you?' she asked Jonah bluntly, giving him a glance. Jonah made several unidentifiable mouth noises and just looked this girl up and down. Buffy sighed and took her attention away from the man, and looked towards the people that had followed her in, and then again made the mental travel to the door.
Now there could be shouts heard. Xander winced and sort of hunched over. Then the doors flew open, and in came one fiery blond.
"No, *you're* the stupid one, Hyena-boy! Now don't go giving me shit like you've never done anything wrong in your life! Want me to point out your mistakes, although that until me a fucking centuries of lifetimes to tell them all! Jesus *Christ,* Xander, you're no saint! Why do always think I should be one, then?"
At that, she flounced around and spun on her bare heel, ignoring the pain. She glared at her younger self for a moment, and then looked over at Giles and Jonah. She passed over his face, and then took a double take and recognition lit up her face. "*Jo*nah!" she said, her voice full of relief and breathless.
Jonah was still trying to regain his speech. He'd barely stood up when F-Buffy went barreling into his arms, and he closed his eyes and pulled her tight. He needed something familiar in this world, and oh god, she was wearing that perfume again, the one that got him every time. In was in her hair along with her shampoo and it was everywhere, and Jonah wanted to get lost in that scent and not open his eyes and have to face whatever something else had gotten him into.
But he had to, so he did. He let his eyes pass over the young ones and saw F-Willow and F-Oz there, she in her nightclothes and F-Oz in the clothes he slept in at night. Both of them passed dim flickers of I-think-I-know-who-he-is-I'm-not-sure looks and then remembered they'd been on the soundtrack for some of his movies. Then he flicked his eyes toward F-Xander, and the biting malice he saw there he did not want to bear for long. He looked last at F-Cordelia, who gave him a faint twist of a smile, as if to apologize for how F-Xander was acting.
"Buffy, do you know what's going on?" he whispered into his wife's ear, bending down and casting a wary eye around the room. Buffy just burrowed deeper into the crook of his arm, ignoring the question. "Buffy," he warned, "this is no time to play games." He felt as though he were chiding Es, and strangely enough, he felt like Buffy had been reduced to the point of needed him to treat her like Es. At least in these surroundings.
"Oh, hey, how'd he get?" Willow asked, looking at Giles while Buffy continued gaping at the fact of her hugging another man. {What about Angel...) Buffy though. {Oh God, please just let that be a friend!}
"Um, it's rather strange, and er," Giles looked towards F-Xander. "I think I might have to talk with our travelers and compare the two stories."
"Jonah," F-Buffy said, her voice soft and muffled. Jonah answered "yes" and bent his head down further. She lifted her face up and met it with his. "You've got to promise me that you're not going to be angry about anything you find out while we're in this mess, do you understand?"
"Buffy, I'd promise you anything, but I need to know what you're worried I'm going to be angry over before I decided what kind of emotion I'm going to express. I don't want to promise I'm going to be okay with anything and then have it turn out to be a lie, whether I like it or not. You know me pretty well, so if you think I'm going to be angry about whatever I might find out, then in all respects, I most probably will." He saw Buffy's face fall. "But don't worry, sweetheart. I could never stay mad at you for long." Keeping his voice low, he looked over at the future people. "Now, before I ask you anything else, do you mind explain why Xander and Cordelia are here with you, and why you've got two rock stars tagging along too? And just don't mind me if I care to not register my surroundings or the people dressed like it's the '90s or that fact that they're saying it *is* the '90s."
Buffy shrugged. "I am definitely not the one to explain all this." Then she noticed the eyes on the two of them. She turned around and gave everybody her who-are-you-looking-at glare. F-Xander rolled his eyes.
"Can we get on with finding out why the hell we're all screwed and leave the two match-made-in-hell alone?" Another jab from F-Cordy, but he ignored it and walked past everyone else, pulling two chairs out. F-Cordy shrugged and sat down next to him as F-Faith suddenly engaged in a conversation with F-Xander.
F-Oz started towards the table, but F-Buffy stopped F-Willow before she could go to. "Who's he?" she hissed, darting her eyes towards F-Buffy.
F-Willow swallowed nervously, and blink several times before allowing herself to speak. "That's your husband, Buffy." Then she slid out of Buffy's tight grip with an unnatural ease and hurried over to get herself a place in F-Oz's lap, not giving Buffy another look.
Everyone else took their seats somewhat dumbly. Nearest to the stacks were Faith, F-Faith, and Xander. Across from them were F-Xander, F-Cordelia, and F-Oz with F-Willow in his lap. Next to F-Xander and Faith was Oz with Willow in his lap, and next to F-Oz, F-Willow, and Xander was Buffy. Giles, Jonah, and F-Buffy were left standing.
"So, what's the sitch?" Buffy asked, her eyes still on her future self and future hubby.
"The Talking Encyclopedia says it's the apocalypse," said F-Faith nonchalantly, as though she were talking about the weather.
"Hanson's taken over Microsoft?" F-Xander asked innocently, and F-Cordelia and F-Willow snickered.
Buffy looked towards Xander. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humor," she told him. Xander looked at Buffy. "It seems as though I haven't lost *anything*, Buff," and Buffy looked at F-Xander. Yup, Xander was right...except whatever they had as a friendship seemed to have gone away.
She'd be damned if she didn't find out why.
There was a sudden shuffling from the stacks. There was a golden glint of fur, and then it cam hurtling towards Jonah and F-Buffy like the wind.
"Giles!" F-Buffy cried out, confused more than relieved as she knelt down to give her pet a hug. D-Giles happily licked her face, and then scrambling out of her arms to go get some from Jonah. Jonah reached down and patted his dog's head like a robot, and ten D-Giles fell to his owners' feet as F-Buffy stood up again.
"Um, no," Giles said, getting back to the point. He took off his glasses, wiped them, then placed them back on his nose. "A-actually there is this poem that foretells, well...the death of the Slayers."
"Both of us?" Faith asked. Giles shook his head no. "Only one?"
Another shake of the head. "All four."
"Four?" Jonah asked before anyone else could. "But we only have two here, Faith and Future Faith..." He trailed off as he saw the looks on everyone's faces. "What? I'm new here."
He felt F-Buffy sucked in her breath sharply, and Jonah backed a way a bit so that he could see her clearly. "Remember what I was afraid that you might be mad about?' she asked, her voice small.
Jonah creased his eyebrows yet again, and it took a moment before it dawned on him. "Oh," he said, his voice odd. "Oh." Then he looked at F-Buffy. "Boy do you know me, 'cause you're right." Now he was hurt. "Why didn't you ever tell me this before? Were you even planning to tell me? I mean...I never lie to *you*."
"Wait!" F-Buffy said, reaching out for him. She hated seeing him upset at her, and what she hated more was seeing him hurt by her. "I-I can explain." She paused. "Kind of." He took a breath. "You see, I didn't tell you because..."
She stopped and turned towards F-Xander. Everyone did the same. He opened his eyes wide and held up his hands in defense.
"What? Why is everyone looking at me? I have nothing to say! Do I *always* have to say something?"
"You usually do," Jonah said, his voice dry. F-Xander shot him a look. "B-but obviously you don't now, so," he turned back to F-Buffy. "I'm waiting."
F-Buffy bit her lip. "You see, I didn't tell you because really, I'm kind of not the Slayer anymore."
"Ch-yeah," F-Faith said, leaning back in her chair. F-Buffy did not turn to face her. "You're just a little traitor, running away from all yer problems." Now Buffy did turn around. "Oh yeah, get angry at me, you little whore. I'm the one whose doing *your* job for *you*. I'm the one with some sense of responsi*bi*lity-"
"Who are you calling a whore?" F-Buffy asked angrily, turning completely away from Jonah and putting her hands on both hips. F-Faith took that as a challenge and stood up, putting her hands in the same position.
"You."
"Looks who's talking. You make Sharon Stone look like a saint."
"Fuck you, Buffy," F-Xander interjected, standing up and looking over at F-Faith. She shrugged and sat down, leaving the rest up to her friend. "You're the whore." He looked right into Jonah's eyes, and the man did not flinch. F-Xander had always tried to get at him through F-Buffy, and what could he say that was possibly new?
"Does he know about Angel?" he asked F-Buffy, never taking his eyes off her husband.
F-Buffy's eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare," she hissed.
Buffy jumped up and stood next to her older self. "Yeah, you'd better not."
"Oh, I'd do it." He continued on regardless of the two deadly blondes. "You think your wife's a saint, huh, Jonah? Do you know about Angel, do you know about the other things she's done? Do you know about Jenny? Do you know about Jenny's uncle?"
F-Buffy put her hands to her ears. "Stop it," she warned, closing her eyes. Buffy gave her an incredulous look.
"Do you know about Theresa? Do you know about Kendra? Do you know about-"
"*Stop it*!" F-Buffy yelled, unable to take anymore. A little tear leaked out from under one closed eyelid, and then Jonah took her into his arms. The past people looked up at F-Xander to see his response. He calmly sat down, not caring at all about Buffy's crying. Next to him, F-Cordelia was shaking her head, but made no move to berate him. F-Faith had a smug look on her face that Faith was currently copying. F-Willow and F-Oz were studying their hands and the floor with rapt attention.
Before anyone could say anything, there was a sudden, tinny ringing. Everyone looked around, uncertain as to what it was. It continued, ringing as a phone would. In fact, it sounded-
"It sounds like a cell phone," Oz said cautiously, unsure as who to direct it to. The future people all looked at each other.
"It's not mine," Jonah said right of the bat. "I didn't get a chance to grab mine before I got here."
"Not mine," followed Xander. "All out of batteries. Anyone who was supposed to call me was to use Cordy's number..." He trailed off and all eyes focused on F-Cordelia.
"What?" she asked, suddenly self-conscious. The ringing came started up again, sounding ominous and urgent. "Ohhhhh," she said, getting it. Her hand was halfway to her back pocket when she froze. "But how ..."
"Perhaps your number is registered here and now as the number of someone else," Giles offered, as the phone continued to ring.
"Just pick it up an see who it is," F-Xander told her.
F-Cordelia shook her head and grabbed the slimmed-down cell phone that looked completely different from a cell phone of the 20th century variety. She tossed it on the table in front of F-Xander. "I'm not touching it," she told him, as though he had told her to pick up peat moss and carry it around.
F-Xander sighed and picked up the phone, unfolded it, and pressed a button before he brought it up to his ear. He listened for a few seconds, and then went dead pale.
"What?" F-Cordy pressed, scooting closer to him. "What? Xander, what's wrong?"
Natalie Monroe stood in front of the kitchen counter, running one sweaty hand through her mussed hair. Another sweaty hand gripped the old-fashioned telephone she kept in the kitchen, the nostalgic one that reminded her of when she was in her twenties in the early 90s. It took all her willpower to keep combing back her hair with her fingers instead of jabbing in the number of the police station again. {They told you Natalie they told you already...they've got them in their files, they've got them and in 24 hours good lord if they don't come back then they'll try tracking them down...oh god oh god, the poor children are out there somewhere and their lost and crying and oh god they could be killed or raped or maimed or cut up in little jars or they're going to find just their heads...Jesus Christ-} "*Pick up the goddamn phone Cordelia*!"
She just finished her shout when there was a click, and then there was connection. Natalie didn't wait to hear if it was Cordelia or Xander. They were both the parents, and they would *kill* her oh god if they didn't find the children...
"Cordelia Xander oh my god I don't really give a shit as to who is on the other end of this goddamn phone and Jesus Mary Lord the children have been kidnapped and poor little Nicky and Julie and Josh and little tiny Annie they're *gone* they've been taken and I've called the police but they have to missing 24 hours and I don't know where they've gone I took a nap for a few hours and Nicky didn't wake me he always wakes me but he didn't this time so I overslept and then went downstairs and everything was in its place just like except there were crumbs in the living room and the game the twins were playing was just abandoned and there are fucking *scorch marks* on the fucking floor and Jesus Christ Cordelia Xander they've gone missing and I've done nothing and all I've good and please don't please don't do anything to me and don't go insane because I'm going insane enough for the both of us!"
Natalie took a deep breath that shook with unshed tears. "This can't...this can't..." She trying to say "This can't be happening" but it just was not coming on.
There was silence on the other end. "Christ don't tell I talked to fucking *no one*!" She yelled into the phone. She hadn't used this much profanity or called on so many Holy People since she was nineteen years old.
"No, no, I'm here." She heard Xander's voice flood the receiver, and she had to hold it away from her ear. She could now hear noise in the background, and Cordelia's voice asking what was going on. She heard Xander swallow and the sound was extremely magnified. "N-Natalie...are you sure?"
"Dammit, Xander, I may have to wear glasses but I'm not blind or deaf and the children aren't here." She broke sobbing. "I've been taking care of children since I was eleven and this has never happened to me! I just don't understand it Xander they disappeared and nothing can just *disappear*!" She leaned heavily on the counter and let her body go slack, her elbows supporting her frame and the phone just barely dangling in her arms. She felt absolutely horrible and then tried to think about what Xander was feeling.
"Xander, please, I'm so sorry, and I'm going to get into my car right now and search for them, because I don't know what's fucking *wrong* with the Connecticut police force and I am gong to march down there when I have found those children and demand a policy change. Hell, I'll go to City Hall! I know I'm probably making you even more worried or something but I have no idea where they have gone to they've just *dis*appeared." She took another deep breath and her body shook. "Are you have you will you tell Cordelia?"
There was some more silence, but not dead silence like before, because she could hear his steady breathing and Cordelia still asking to know what's going on. "Not right now," she told her, his voice slow and careful. "Natalie, I want you to listen to me. Are you listening to me."
"Half of my brain is," Natalie told him. "The other part of my brain is panicking. Let me switch to the functioning part." She took another breath. "I'm listening."
"Don't you go anywhere. There is absolutely nothing you can do. You don't need the kind of stress to go on a wild goose chase. I know exactly where they are."
"You do?' Natalie asked hopefully, latching on to that gem of a sentence.
"Yes, Nat, I do. You remember that big case I'm doing, the one that's cause me to partner up with that other firm, that ritzy one that has a name seventeen words long?"
"Yes, Xander, I do. The Firm of Stokes, Springer, Gonzalez, Simonian, and Laski."
"Do you know what the case is about?"
"No. You've told me nothing and nothing's in the paper. Everything's very hush-hush but everyone knows it's a big deal."
"Right, because it is a very big deal. Dangerous stuff...er, it has to do with Sakash Arven, conditions in China, the Libyan government, and...more top secret things I cannot tell you about now."
"Oh," Natalie said, but just her mouth moved, with no sound coming out. She cleared her throat, which turned into a coughing fit. "Oh, I see," Natalie finally managed, "but Jesus Xander, that means the kids have been kidnapped by whoever your firm and that other firm is fighting against?"
"Correct. There is danger-" the background voices had long ago faded, and Natalie realized he must have moved somewhere more private "-here, but the States have people who handle this kind of thing. Hang up after I finish, and call the police. Tell them that you have found the children and there is no need to worry, that they were hiding somewhere in the house. You have checked the house, right?"
"Yes, they're...they're gone."
"It's going to be okay, Natalie. It's not your fault, it's not my fault..." another pause "...it's not anyone's fault. And the kids are going to be safe, and they'll be back, I promise."
"They're not even my kids and I'm more nervous then you are." Natalie meant it so sound as an attempt at a half-hearted joke, but it came out more like she as accusing him.
"That's because I know they're going to be safe," Xander said, his voice still soothing. "Now I want you to hang up and tell the police not to worry. Cordy and I will stop shopping and get right to alerting the correct authorities. By the way, Natalie, we've got you a wonderful gift."
"Thank you, Xander," she told him weakly, "I'm sure I'll enjoy whatever you get me. And promise me you're going to find those kids."
"I promise." And then Xander hang up, and as soon as the little beep sounded, Natalie put the phone down, not caring that she put it incorrectly in the cradle. She stumbled out of the kitchen and went to take a quick shower before she called the police.
She was already upstairs when there was a click from the phone and then the operators voice.
"You have tried calling...555-6738....That number...555-6738....is currently out of the service range. Please try again. You have tried calling..."
In the past, shaky at first from receiving a call from the future, then shaky to discover that his kids were missing from a very well-protected home under strange circumstances. And he was 99% sure what those circumstances were, because as Natalie put it, no one just disappears.
So no F-Xander wondered how freaked out F-Cordy was going to be about the fact that their children had been sucked into the past and were either wandering around someone in Sunnydale or already kidnapped, killed, or maimed by something preternatural or stuck in the limbos of time. F-Xander would rather do anything else than go out there and tell F-Cordy that her children were missing. It was no lie that mothers were very protective. Just a year ago F-Cordy had parked outside Wolf's Camera to pick up a roll of film, and left the four kids in the van. She had not properly put the car in park, so as she was entering, the car began to roll away. She had left her pick-up ticket in the car, so she hurried back out to find her car rolling away with four very scared children screaming out of the windows. She remembered nothing of what happened next, but onlookers had reported that she had sprinted after the car, pulled open the unlocked driver's door, jumped in and stopped the car before it had gone into traffic.
F-Cordy could be superficial and egotistical and might not care to much about people or things, but try and mess with her kids, hell, try to mess with Julie and Josh too, and she was as much as match as F-Willow or F-Oz could be.
That's why he didn't want to go out there and tell her. That's why he'd rather stay here and keep thinking about how much he didn't want to go out there. But he did go back out there, out of the stacks, walked down the stairs, looked at F-Cordelia, motioned for her to go in the stacks, and as she obediently brushed past him, he looked over at Jonah. He glared back, and with good reason, too. F-Xander just quelled the urge to deck the man and looked at Jonah with a serious face. Jonah mellowed out.
F-Xander took his arm and turned him away from Buffy and the rest of the gang. "Listen to me," he said, trying to remember that he was doing this for Elisabeth Sarah, and that she was just a kid and did not have to be held accounted for the fact that her parents were a bunch of jerks. "The woman who takes care of my children called me-" he held up the cell phone to Jonah as though it were proof "-and told me my kids have gone missing. Now before you ask why the fuck it should be your problem, too, it is, because in all likelihood if *my* kids have gone mising than *your* kids as deep into the shit as mine are. Now." F-Xander put the phone in Joanh's hand. "Call whoever can check on your kid or-oh yeah, your kid stays home alone now, right? Yeah, she's seven. Okay, call the house. If she doesn't answer, call someone who can check-"
"-I know what to do, I'm not mentally challenged-"
"-up on your house and your kid and if she's not there, then we've got some serious problems." He looked Jonah up and down. "Tell Buffy only if you think she can handle."
"If I can handle what?" F-Buffy asked from behind the men. She could not hear what they were saying, so F-Xander just rolled his eyes and looked at Jonah out of the corner of his eyes.
"Do the world a favor, man, and don't tell the bit-Buffy."
Jonah narrowed his and nodded, and thought this was something serious if F-Xander was stopping himself from insulting his wife. "Okay. Are you sure this thing works?"
"Yeah, but it's going to be a hell of bill, goddammit. I don't know if my phone company covers trans-dimensional calls."
"Split the bill with me." And that was that. No pointed "What, you think because you're some hot-shot director that you have more money than me?" or "What, you think I don't make enough fucking money to pay my bills" or anything else resembling the bitter form of F-Xander. Jonah shook his head to wake himself up from whatever nightmare he was in but he was awake, and he was following F-Xander into the stacks, and he was telling F-Buffy what was going on while F-Xander was trying to explain to Cordelia.
Why was this happening to him?
Meghan Brewer lived in a big mansion with a dog, a cat, several tropical fish, and one bird that was constantly freeing itself of it's cage and running into walls because it was clipped, poor thing. She was 34, looked 27, and living alone with countless lovers who knew nothing of each other and she was happy. She liked the way she was living. She supposed that when she entered her mid-life crises she would want to settle down but right now she was enjoying her freedom.
Party or no party, she went to sleep promptly at 1:00 every night, unless there was a special awards ceremony where she was being awarded something. Even then, if she had won nothing by 1:30, she was the hell out of there asking Buffy or Erika or Yvonne to pick up her award for her, or hell, even the guy she was flirting with that night. Then she'd sleep like a log, nothing waking her up, until the sunrise, where she always woke up even without her alarm clock. She had been doing this routine since she was eight years old and her body had since been conditioned.
So, she was awake and flipping through the latest tabloid magazines seeing if the Enquirer had indeed doctored those photos so that it would look like she was secretly having Matt Damon's lovechild. I mean, really. Please.
Just as she had reached the article, the phone rang. Meghan reached one long arm over her head and picked up her cordless. She pressed the correct button and tucked it under her chin and began to read. "Hello, this is Meghan Brewer. I don't do interviews, autographs, or windows. Who the hell are you?"
"It's Jonah, Meghan. I need you to do me a favor."
"Jonah, hi! How's Buffy and Es? They've cut her hair yet, right? I mean, really, only music people have hair that long. Really out of fashion. What's the favor."
"Still with the long hair, Meghan." Meghan uncrossed her legs and leaned deep into her white Italian leather couch. She looked down at the article and reached on hand up to stroke her ear-length blond hair. "And I need you to get up, go over to our house, and check if Es is there."
"I'm busy, babe. Sorry."
"Meghan, don't make me laugh. You're never busy. That's what I love about you."
"Is your wife there, Jonah?" Meghan laughed. She loved the easy banter they shared, and she loved being neighbors. "Is she hearing you say this to me?"
"Yes, she's here, and she's hearing, and she's also telling me that it's pretty damn urgent to drag your gorgeous butt off that gorgeous couch of yours and go over to our little shack and check up on our kid."
Meghan clucked her tongue. "Boy, Jonah, you can be so persistent sometimes. How does Buffy deal with you?" She was dressed, but barefoot, and as she got up the couch, the Enquirer slipping to the floor and dirt where it belonged, she walked over to the entranceway and slid into her flats. "What's up with the little star? Finally let her in one of them movie roles the other directors are pestering you about? Want her to wake up early?" She turned the doorknob and stepped outside, closing the door behind her. She waved to the couple that lived across the streets, the DiCaprio's, and they waved back through their living room window. "Where are you, anyway?"
"You ask to many questions. Just check, will you?"
"Fine." Meghan cut through the little walkway they had in their front yards and ducked into the Daly front yard. "You've got to cut your grass."
"Not my job. It's Paolo's. Besides, Es likes it long, and I live my days to serve her."
"What about Buffy?"
"She has me for the nights."
Now she was at the front door. She sighed and went over to the windowsill, and peeled back what looked like a regular piece of the wall and instead peeled back a little hole in which a key rested. She got the key and smoothed the fake piece of the wall into place. "Did you install an elevator? I'm going to kill myself walking up and down three freakin' floors."
"Try. Not to," he added hurriedly. Meghan turned the key in the lock, laughed, and entered the house.
She walked up the stairs, past the second floor, and made idle chit-chat so she wouldn't have to hear the hallow echoes the slaps of her soles against the marble made on the steps. She finally got on the third floor and paused outside Es' room. The place seemed so deserted.
"I am now entering...the Twilight Zone," Meghan said, trying to shake off her uneasy feeling. She thought, but could not confirm, that Jonah said something that sounded like, "I'm there already."
"No, Jonah, she's not here. Why, is something going on? Should I be worried?"
Jonah's tongue was heavy in his mouth. "Yes, dammit, be worried! Be so worried that you'll have a heart attack, because that's what I feel like having! You won't believe what's happening to me over here, and I can barely handle it! Just imagine what my kid's gonna go through...in fact, imagine it for me so I don't have to think of all the horrible things that could happen to her!"
Well, that's what he wanted to say. What he did in fact say was, "No. No cause to be alarmed." Then he did the necessary casual good-byes and hung up. Then he turned to F-Buffy, who's face was already as pale as a vampire's. F-Xander and F-Cordelia looked on, and for the moment, F-Xander almost looked as though he was interested as to how Jonah and F-Buffy were feeling at the moment.
"She's not there," Jonah said, his voice hoarse. F-Buffy sighed, closed here eyes, and slumped against her husband. Jonah put one comforting arm around her, and handed F-Xander another. Both guys were trying to keep it under control, and F-Buffy and F-Cordy were trying their best not to cry. F-Xander took the phone without another word and then looked at F-Buffy.
"Are you...okay?" he asked, and it sounded forced and fake to everyone who could hear it.
"You don't have to pretend," F-Buffy said crossly. She looked at him with icy green eyes. "I know you don't give a flying fuck."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean *I* don't care," F-Cordelia put in. She let her eyes touched on Jonah. "And if I care about the disappearance of my niece, then Xander cares about it. Right?" Xander nodded. F-Cordelia then put on a little smile. "Dance, my puppet, dance!" she giggled, and F-Xander allowed himself a smile and drew her close.
"You know I can't dance, Cor."