Of course, these characters still aren't mine, except for our favorite little bitch, Antonia. Tessie, thanks for being a consistent reviewer. J Tempesta, thanks for staying my muse. As always, please review!
Antonia paced the halls of her London flat. "Damn you, Snape," she grumbled. She remembered how wonderful his kisses were. And she couldn't exorcise the look of pure, unadulterated joy on his face when she slipped on top of him.
She stopped in front of the mirror and looked at herself. Blond, delightful, beautiful, brilliant sapphire eyes, and unblemished creamy white skin. She hated the reflection that glanced back at her. For all the beauty that she had been blessed with, she was completely miserable, and totally alone.
That perfect face stared back at her. Disgusted, she picked up a figurine on the fireplace mantel and flung it at the shining reflection with all her might. The glass shattered, raining down upon the floor. She wished she was ugly. She wished she wasn't so alone. She wished that she was dead. She wished that she could be happy. And all of those things were so out of her reach.
But what she wished for the most is that someone could love her in spite of her beauty, rather than because of it.
She poured herself a shot of bourbon and tossed it back. Severus's words kept playing back in her ears. You're beautiful. I couldn't ask for anything more.
He never would have wanted her if she wasn't pretty. She could be a dolt, a squib, and he'd still want her as long as she had her perfect face. She was so tempted to pick up the shattered glass on the floor and slash her face. Disfigure herself so utterly, that no man would want her for her face.
But, then if she did that, what if no one ever wanted her?
She thought back to her days with David. He loved her so much… He loved his little witch that could work miracles for him. He loved how beautiful she was, and how his muggle friends would cast surreptitious glances in her direction when they thought that neither of them was looking. He loved her so much… and she knew that it was largely due to her beauty.
No, Antonia never would have turned David Carver's head if she'd been ugly. She was always afraid that he would leave her when her face grew withered with age. Of course, he was dead now, so it was no longer something that she feared. But when she tried to picture them growing old together, he was unhappy with her fading beauty.
He loved her. But he never loved her enough.
As for Severus? She was nothing more than a pretty face.
She poured herself another shot of bourbon, and carried the bottle and the shot to the couch with her. She wondered how many shots she could drink before she passed out.
Antonia was suddenly filled with self-loathing. What the Hell would passing out do for her? She'd wake up in the morning, and she'd still be alone with her cursed face.
Her face, her lovely, perfect face, crumpled. She could bear it no more. Tears filled her blue eyes, and sobs racked her tiny frame. She was alone. And, she realized, she always would be.
She fell asleep on the sofa and dreamt of Severus Snape.
She and
Severus were outside together, enjoying the dying embers of the day. The sunset was beautiful out at the city of
Brighton, and the sunsets over the Atlantic were like heaven. Severus sneered as a sea gull swooped down
and begged them for food.
"Severus,
really," she teased. "It's not like the
bird was going to attack you. It just
wanted some food."
He
glared at her. "That wasn't
begging. That was a mating call."
"So, the
bird has no taste?"
"Probably. He was swooping in your direction…" He leaned closer and kissed her.
She
kissed him back. "Sev?"
"What?"
"Have I
told you how glad I am to be here with you?"
"No," he
replied, deadpan. "You never show me
any appreciation."
She smiled seductively at the potions master. "Why don't we go back up to our room, and I'll show you…"
Antonia was very disappointed when she woke up alone.
Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts…
Snape didn't go down to the Great Hall for breakfast. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to see the pity on the other teachers' faces when he sat down at the table. And the thought of eating made him feel ill.
He went
down to his dungeon, and paced in the cold, damp darkness. She's amazing, you fool. She's brilliant. She could have any man that she wanted. What the Hell made you think that she'd choose you, Death
Eater?
Sheer stupidity. There was no way. Why did he always want the women that were so far out of his league that even a fantasy seemed a sacrilege?
But it was different with her. She'd called him Severus. She kissed him. She took his virginity, and held him close afterwards. She really seemed to care. And she understood him so well, when they were talking by the lake. And then, it all went to Hell. What did I do? What did I do to upset her? What did I do wrong?
He heard the dungeon's heavy door creak open. A pretty Slytherin seventh year stood in the doorway. "Professor Snape?"
"Yes, Tempesta?" he replied, trying not to be irritated with a member of his own house for daring to appear. After all, he was the head of her house.
"Why don't you just send her an owl?"
"I beg your pardon?"
Tempesta shrugged, her black hair tumbling all over the place. "The lady that you were in The Three Broomsticks with. You've been a bit insufferable since then. Send her an owl, and be done with it. And, for God's sakes, eat something, already. You're wasting away to nothing, and I don't want to be stuck with some substandard potions master."
"Is that all, Miss DiCuore?" he sneered.
"Yes, sir." She turned on her heel, and left the dungeon.
Hmm… The girl had a point.
He sat down at his desk with a quill and parchment, and began to write.
Dear Antonia,
I miss
you. However, you are completely
inaccessible to me, both physically and emotionally right now, since I am
safely locked away in haven that bars apparation of any sort.
There are
times that I think of bolting to Hogsmeade so that I may apparate to wherever
you are hiding… in the solitude of your home, perhaps? But, then, I wonder if you've put me under
some kind of spell. At the same time, I
know that this is unfair and untrue. In
spite of your positive attributes, there are some components to your being that
I find utterly impossible, obnoxious, insulting, and entirely offensive., as
well as potentially detrimental to my well-being.
Yet, by the
same token, I'm still sending you this letter to let you know that I am
thinking of you. To put it very simply,
I miss you.
Yours,
Severus Snape
He sent the letter out by owl before the first class started. But he still didn't eat breakfast.
* * *
She sat down in the dungeon, knowing that Severus would show up. He had to. This was, of course, his dungeon sanctuary… She paced the stone floor for about twenty minutes, and decided that she'd try to take the secret passage up to his room…
She approached the mad scientist. "Lily Snape," Antonia forced out. Those words made her sick.
The mad scientist looked at her. "Well, now, someone other than my boy trying to get through. Too bad he changed the password," the painting said in its crazy voice. The painting then gave a high-pitched, crazed laugh, and coughed.
"Uh, okay…" You're a fucking psycho, she thought as she walked away from the hacking painting.
She walked out of the dungeons and decided to go through the castle to his room… She knew that he'd be there eventually…
Antonia slipped through the hallways, trying to avoid Filch. She really wasn't in the mood to have the grumpy squib interrogate her today. She'd had more fun at the dentist than she did in conversation with the caretaker.
She found her way back to Severus's bedroom and tried to let herself in. Four different charms later, and she still couldn't get in. She was going to have to do this the old fashioned way, she supposed… She was heading for the window when she heard a male voice behind her.
"What are you doing?"
She turned quickly, and saw Severus Snape. She smiled, lighting up her blue eyes, and threw herself into his arms.
He didn't care who saw him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so very sorry. Just tell me what I did, and I promise, I'll never do it again…"
She looked meaningfully at his bedroom door. He opened the door and guided her in his room.
He closed the door and quickly locked it. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."
She kissed him hard. She wanted him to take her back to his bed. She wanted to spend the rest of the night giving and receiving so much pleasure that would drive them both beyond all reason. Her fingers began working on his robes. "I feel like I'll die if I don't touch you," she rushed, her voice containing a note of pleading.
He felt the rush of cool air as his white flesh was exposed. He felt the heat of her fingertips tracing against his chest.
With trembling hands, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to bed. "Termino fenestrum. Cremare," he whispered. The heavy velvet drapery in his room closed with a soft rustle as the fireplace and beeswax candles blazed to life.
She sank down into the familiar spot in his bed, and felt him sink next to her. She rolled on her side and gazed at her lover. "Be prepared for a long night, Severus. I have no intention of getting out of this bed until I get you completely out of my head."
"You've bewitched me," he hissed. That was the only logical reason that he could obsess over a woman as he did her.
She scoffed. "Please. I'm the one sitting in an office at the Ministry, dreaming about some greasy, slimy potions master with all the charm of a flobberworm, yet you plead bewitchment? I don't know what you've done to me, but I'm going to seduce you and tempt you, over and over again, until this spell is broken."
"Perhaps that will break the curse you've placed on me, witch," he sneered. With that, he pulled her close and kissed her hard.
She kissed him back, matching his ardor. She ripped open his robe, determined to feel all of him against her. She had to prove to herself that he was nothing special, that he was just a random person that she'd blown up to be better than life in her own mind. Severus Snape was nothing.
He ripped her robes open with matching intensity. Damn her for refusing to leave his head. She had to have put a spell on him, just for sport. Perhaps the witch found it amusing to have the cruel Death Eater trailing after her like some sort of a puppy. He'd kiss her and touch her, and let her go, just to prove that he could. He didn't need her. He didn't need anyone.
God, he was hot. He felt like he was on fire where she'd kissed him. But he didn't need her. He rolled them both over and positioned himself on top of her in a position of dominance.
Antonia shivered as his lips moved away from her mouth, down her swanlike neck, and to her full breasts. She felt his mouth close over one pink nipple and stifled a cry of pleasure.
He felt a rush of triumph. She wanted to cry out. She wanted to beg for him. And she would. He would see to it. Perhaps the woman would think twice about further bewitchments.
She wrapped her fingers up in his long black hair, paying no mind to the oiliness of it. All that she knew is that it felt wonderful, and she didn't want it to stop. And if this was his spell, then she'd be more than happy to remain under its influence until the end of all time.
He couldn't get enough of her. She smelled like fresh peaches and tasted delightfully sweet. And the way she held him tight, he had a feeling that the witch's spell was reversing on her. You deserve it, witch, he thought, continuing to suckle her and letting his hands roam at will.
I won't scream, I won't scream, she repeated in her head, biting her lip to prevent her crying out.
His black eyes flashed like onyx as he felt her body grow hot.
Against her will, a small cry escaped her. "Severus, please," she whimpered.
His hand traced up the inside of her thigh. She was so incredibly hot. She felt like her body was on fire. "Please, what, my love? The last time, you dominated me. You bent me to your will. This time, it's my turn. I'm going to break your spell, witch."
"I didn't, I swear," she cried out, burying her face in his neck.
His fingers slid higher up the inside of her thigh. "Are you sure?"
She whimpered. "I swear, Severus, if you don't touch me soon, I'm going to die."
"You'll die a thousand deaths before the sun rises," he promised. He kissed her passionately and felt her satiny-smooth legs wrap around him.
She gave a soft whimper of pleasure as he slid into her.
"Is this what you wanted, my lady?" he teased, his own voice ragged with passion.
"Damn you," she hissed. She was nearly breathless. And it felt so fucking amazing, to feel him.
He slowed his rhythm down, barely moving. "I can stop…" he teased.
"Oh, no, you won't." She flipped him on his back and slid on top. "Because I'm on top, now."
He thought he was going to die of pleasure. She'd squirm and tease, and kiss him until he thought he was there, and then she'd slow down… And, finally, she allowed him a moment of release. "Antonia!" he cried out, his fingers digging into her hips.
Antonia found herself curled up in his arms, being cradled against his bare chest.
"I ask that you remove your curse, Antonia," he whispered.
"I tell you, you are not bewitched! At least, not by me."
He sneered at her. "How else do you think you overpowered me?"
"Because you're weak," she spat.
His gaze grew colder, his eyes harder. "Don't make me hurt you, Antonia. I can do it if you push me."
"Make up your fucking mind! Either you're under my spell, or you aren't! Do you REALLY think you could hurt me if I had you bewitched!" she shouted. She pulled away from him, and sat up, her knees pulled up against her chest. "Ass."
"What about you?" he sneered. "Do you think I could have bewitched you, only for you to sit here in my bed and scream like an ill-tempered banshee? Why don't you use your head, fool."
Suddenly, there was a pounding on the door.
"WHAT!" Snape screamed, not in the mood for any interruptions.
"Severus? It's Albus. I heart shouting, and I wanted to make sure that everything was okay… You aren't being kidnapped or something equally dreadful, are you?"
"Sir, this really isn't a good time," he growled. "I'm kind of in the middle of something…"
Antonia sneezed a very obviously feminine sneeze.
"Oh, my. Yes, yes, you are very busy. I'll just be on my way now…" They heard Dumbledore's footsteps gliding away from the door.
Snape blushed, and Antonia collapsed into peels of laughter.
"So, you think this is funny? How would you feel if the minister of magic came by to check on your welfare?"
Antonia slipped out from between the sheets and slid Severus's way-too-long bathrobe over her shoulders. "Cornelius Fudge? Are you joking? The man's a first class idiot. He'd probably get lost on the way to my bedroom."
"Accio green bathrobe," he called out lazily. A second bathrobe slipped out of the wardrobe and into his waiting hand. He slipped it on, and heard the heavy material fall as he stood. Severus Snape stood to his full height, dwarfing the blond temptress.
She tried not to trip over the too-long black bathrobe as she moved towards the fireplace. It didn't hurt to look up at him, as long as he stayed a respectable distance away.
"So, neither of us are bewitched," he murmured, trying to make sense of it all.
"And I still can't get you out of my head," she whispered.
"And I still can't stop thinking of how it felt to have you in my bed."
She sighed heavily. "So, what does all of this mean?"
"We're weak."
"Severus, don't you get it? This isn't normal."
"You aren't normal," he sneered. "I don't fall in love with muggles, and I certainly wouldn't father children with them."
"You're half right. I'm not normal, and it's not because of the father of my children. It's because I'm standing here, wasting my time with a slimy, greasy Death Eater bastard like you," she spat. "And if you ever take issue with the paternity of my children again, you'll find out how the cruciatus curse feels when it's being inflicted by an enraged woman."
He grabbed her wand wrist to keep her from snatching her wand up off the table. "Don't threaten me, Antonia," he warned. "I might be a reformed Death Eater, but I promise you, I learned plenty about torture from the Dark Lord. Ever see someone placed under the Imperious curse and told to murder their families? Ever watch them come out of the curse, and see what they've done? I have. They go mad. They always, without fail, killed themselves. Do you think you can compare?" he finished in a deadly whisper.
She reached up with her free hand and slapped him. Hard. "Try me. If you want to take me on, Snape, I can make you wish that you'd never been born," she hissed. "And that's no threat. That's a promise."
"Bitch," he spat.
"I may be a bitch, but you're a Death Eater. You fucking aligned yourself with the biggest monster that the wizarding world has known. That makes you a lot fucking worse."
"You just can't get over that I was a Death Eater, can you. If that's not something that you can handle, then just get out."
"You've got no room to talk. You threw a tantrum because David was a muggle. So you get out!"
"This is my room!"
"God, I hate you!"
He drew back from her, stunned. "You… I…" Severus turned his back to her. He would never let her see his pain again. "What more could I have ever expected from you, Antonia?" his responded, his voice hollow. "Why wouldn't you hate me? I am, as you so love to point out, a Death Eater. And you? Well, you're you. That in itself says it all, I think."
Her anger faded as quickly as it flared. "Severus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just get so angry with you, and all sorts of things just come flying out…"
"But you thought it. You must have meant some of it, somewhere deep down. You come in and turn my life inside and out. Before you came, I wasn't happy. But I was as close to happy as I'd ever been in my life. And now? I think I'd be happier if I were in Azkaban. That is, after all, where you seem to think that I belong."
He still couldn't look at her.
"Severus, please," she pleaded, taking his arm.
He wrenched his arm free from her grasp. "Get out. Just leave. I don't want to see you. I don't want to look at you. I'd like to just forget that you ever existed," he stated evenly, unemotionally.
She nodded sadly. "I'm sure you would. And it would be a fitting retribution for me… But you said yourself that you never could. And you won't. But, for what it's worth, I really am very sorry. I know how vicious my words were. And I wish that I'd never said them. But I did."
"And now I want you gone."
"I understand," she whispered. She slipped off his bathrobe and threw her own clothes back on. "And I don't blame you one bit."
She walked out the door. Severus sat down before the fire, incredibly alone.