I think I should warn you that I was very young when I wrote this. I am unsure whether to put it in humour or horror. This is a highly condensed version of the Star Wars trilogy, written for an assignment in some titchy-tiny school year. It's a worrying story and scares even me. I own the names (Kind of) and the STUPIDITY (Unless anyone wants to claim it off me…any takers?) *Looks round hopefully* Star Wars belongs to George Lucas. Now sit back, relax and try to enjoy…
Fruit Wars: A new
vegetable
By Clare Mitchell
A long time ago, in a
market far, far away...
It
was a time of civil war between the powerful Fruitire and the determined
Vegetable alliance. Let me introduce you to the leaders of these apple cores.
For the Fruitire there were Fruiterer Appletine, Grand Mandarin Tarkin and
Darth Melon. For the Vegetable's there is Mon Mouthma, Admiral Sackbar and
Fruitess Lemon Organic. Fruitess Lemon was the Froster child of Pail Organic,
the last Fruitcake of Bannanaraan. Lemon was also the youngest seedator in the
Fruiterial Seedate. She lived a double life: a Fruiterial Seedator and a leader
of the Vegetable alliance. Luke Fruitwalker, Lemon Organic, Mango Solo, Bean
Kenobi, Darth Melon and Cucumber come together in this story of the battle
between Fruit and Vegetable...
A
small fruitship glided through the Market near the squash fruit-stall of
Tafrootine. On board were the plans to the dreadful Deathfruit and the Fruitess
Lemon Organic. Just then the scanners picked up another ship coming straight
for them. They were too close to Tafrootine's cherry wells to make a jump to
Hyperfruit, and any way, comfruiting a Hyperfruit jump would take too long. The
crew waited in anticipation as the Fruiterial ship docked alongside. The
Fruitess had the courage to musker the froots to line the corridor that the
fruiterials would come through. A truffleblade cut through the door as easily
as if it was cheese. The vegetable fighters aimed their watermelon blasters as
the Fruiterial Stormfruiters burst through.
Meanwhile,
the Fruitess slipped into the back cranberries and summoned the guava
Peartoo-detoo. She relayed a message into P-2's pistachio banks and gave him
the plans to the Deathfruit. Then she dis-a-pear-ed and awaited capture.
P-2
and his counterpecan Seepeanuto headed towards the seedpods and ejected into
Tafrootine's chestnutsphere.
Back
up on the ship the Fruiterials had defeated the Vegetables. Darth Melon ordered
his froots to search the ship for any survivors and bring them to him; alive.
Five fignites later two stormfrooters brought the Fruitess to him.
"Darth
Melon, only you would be so bold, we are a figlomatic ship on a figlomatic
mission to Tafrootine." She spat. It seemed like Melon smiled inside his
great black helmet.
"No,
you are a member of the Vegetable alliance and a traitor, take her away."
Peartoo-detoo
and See-peanuto trudged across the hot squash of Tafrootine. After what seemed like
flowers they were found by a frout of Peachas. Peachas were scavengers who
found spare parts and guavas in the desert and sold them to other Pechas or
some of the many farmers in the area. P-2 and C-PNUTO were taken to the
Honeydew farm of Corn and Pearu Grape. Luke Fruitwalker and his Uncle Corn
inspected the Peachas stock of guavas, an unusually good one, for once.
"We'll
take these two" said Corn gruffly jabbing a finger at P-2 and C-PNUTO
"Luke, go clean these two up" Luke groaned and walked slowly towards
the guava house, taking for granted that the guavas were following him.
"You've
got four berries worth of muck on you but you'll have to settle for a few
flowers of cleaning." Luke said as he tried to dislodge some dirt, which
was firmly lodged in P-2's squat body. When Luke finally got the last of the
dirt out, P-2 projected an image of a beautiful woman.
"Help
me Orange-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." Her voice was hurried but well
modulated. Luke stared for a moment before picking up his peach-link to call
his friend Mango Solo.
"Hey
Mango, you know that old guy, Bean Kenobi?"
"Yeah,
'course I know Bean, what about him?"
"I've
got a guava here with a message for him or at least a relative of his. I'll
meet you there in five fignites, ok?"
"See
ya there, kid" Mango replied shutting off his peach-link.
Up
on the Deathfruit Fruitess Lemon was brought before the Fruiterial in charge,
Grand Mandarin Tarkin.
"Grand
Mandarin Tarkin, I thought it would be you holding Melon's leash, I recognised
your foul stench when I was brought on board" Lemon sneered
"Charming
to the last Fruitess, you don't know how hard I found it signing the order for
your being eaten" Tarkin retorted.
"I'm
surprised you had the courage to deal with it yourself." she shot back. Grand
Mandarin Tarkin laughed and waved his hand saying
"Fire
at will Commander." As Lemon watched the bean spread out towards her home
planet she screamed
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
When she had been taken back to her coconut in hysterics Darth Melon went to talk
with his Master, the Emperor Appletine.
"You
have done well my servant, now you must find and kill the one they call
Fruitwalker" ' Fruitwalker, Fruitwalker, Fruitwalker' the name echoed
through Melon's head.
"Hey
kid, what's up?" asked Mango upon seeing Luke's drawn face and slumped
shoulders.
"I...I
heard a scream, then I felt an anger, a hatred and an...an" Luke
hesitated "Overwhelming sadness." Mango rolled his eyes, he'd heard
all too many of Luke's feelings before.
"Fruitwalker,
Solo, how good to see you at last, I knew you'd come" said a new voice
behind them. Luke turned
"Bean
Kenobi, boy am I glad to see you, this guava has got a message for you."
Without waiting P-2 turned the message on again. It was longer this time. At
the end Bean nodded slowly
"Mango,
you have a ship do you not?" Bean asked. Without waiting for a reply he
went on "She's imprisoned on the Deathfruit, let's go." Mango opened
his mouth to protest but Luke and Bean had already left. He hurried after them.
When
they reached Mango's ship, The Millennium Pineapple, his Co-pilot and best
friend, Cucumber, was waiting. They climbed on board and were soon in
Hyperfruit heading towards Bannaneraan. Halfway through the flight Orange-Wan
produced a metal, tube-like object and handed it to Luke.
"This
was your father's, Nectarine Fruitwalker's, fruitsaber. He was a Jedi, as you
will some day be, when Melon killed him. With his last dying breath he told me
to give this to you." Luke activated the fruitsaber and tried a few
practice swipes.
"A
Jedi uses the Fruit for his powers." Orange-wan said as he set about
teaching Luke to use the Fruit. Ten fignites later they came out of Hyper-fruit
into a rock-melon field.
"Um...folks...Bannanaraan's...gone"
said Mango, stunned. Luke pointed to a large grey sphere a little to their
right. Mango's eyes widened. He could do nothing, strawberry beams were sucking
them in. Cucumber roared.
Later
on, on the Deathfruit, Orange-wan had gone to find, and turn off the strawberry
beams and Luke and Mango were looking for the Fruitess. Luke and Mango
disguised themselves as Stormfruiters. Coconut 1138, Coconut 1138, Coconut
1138, found it" Luke muttered to himself. They broke down the door and
went in. The Princess sat up, her face impassive. Luke just stared at her for a
moment or two. Mango rolled his eyes 'Great, the kid's going to stare 'till
we get caught' he thought.
"Aren't
you a little short for a Stormfruiter?" Lemon asked haughtily. Luke shook
himself
"Oh...the
uniform, I'm Luke Skywalker, we're here with Bean Kenobi, we've come to rescue
you" At Bean's name she got up and headed towards the door.
"Would
someone please get this walking carpet out of my way?" asked Lemon
when Cucumber wouldn't move from the doorway.
When
they reached the Millennium Pineapple Bean and Darth Melon were locked in a
fruitsaber duel. Just then Bean slipped and Melon's fruitsaber sliced him in
half. Luke charged a Melon, igniting his fruitsaber as he ran. Melon turned
with the speed of fruit. They battled along the landing shaft until Melon had
Luke pinned to the floor.
"Orange-Wan
never told you what happened to your father" said Darth Melon. Luke was
puzzled but angry
"He
told me enough, he told me you killed him" Melon laughed. In that moment
Luke knew it was a lie
"No
Luke, I am your father" Luke screamed
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
He heard a blaster shot and saw Lemon rushing towards him.
"And
she is your sister" Melon struggled to breath.
"Lemon?
Lemon's my sister?"
"Search...your...feelings....you
know it to be...true" then he died.
"Goodbye
Nectarine Fruitwalker" Luke whispered "Goodbye father." He got
to his feet slowly. Lemon ran over to him but at the intense look on his face,
she stepped back. He smiled at her
"Lemon,
he was my father, and...you're my sister" she stared at him for a while
before they ran for the Millennium Pineapple. Luke silently took over the
controls before Mango could get there. With a determined look on his face Luke
took off and flew towards a service shaft in the side of the Deathfruit and
launched his raspberry missiles. They reached Hyperfruit just as the explosion
rocked the Deathfruit.
The Fruitire is dead,
Long live the Vegetable
Alliance.
May the Fruit be with you.