A/N I don't own anything but Antonia. And I'm not making any money off of this. However, I did notice a slight error in the last part. There's another fic that I was linked to today called "The Losers". Some of the conversation between Voldie and Snape was unbelievably similar. I'm not sure if it's because my muse (aka Tempesta) read the story, or if I did. Thanks to Tempesta for being my muse, and to Tessie for consistently reviewing. Oh, and the ratio of reviews to readers is absolutely dismal. Would it be too painful for y'all to please review? Muchos gracias. J
She had their things packed. It wouldn't take long to have her personal possessions settled in Severus's room at Hogwarts. Or, in her own room at Hogwarts, if he really felt that he needed his space away from her. The rest of their things? It could all sit in her mother's basement. All that mattered is that she and her children were safe, and that Severus stayed alive.
Severus. The Dark Lord couldn't have killed him… He just couldn't. Her breathing became harsh and ragged; her packing time increased as she hastily shoved various items into large boxes.
She heard a pop, and Severus apparated in a battered heap at her feet.
"Antonia," he groaned.
She cried out, and knelt down to him. "What did they do to you?" she wept. Hastily, she ripped a strip off the bottom of her blue robes and began wiping away the blood from his face.
"I'm back in the fold," he gasped, passing out at her feet.
"Severus, you greasy bastard, don't you dare die on me," she hissed. "I love you, you stupid son of a bitch!" She apparated, clutching him against her.
They landed in the middle of Hogsmeade. The witch magically conjured up a stretcher for her spouse and carried him back to the school.
McGonagall met them on the edge of the grounds. "What the Hell?"
"What does it fucking look like?!" she screamed, nearing hysteria. "Where's Dumbledore? Severus needs him," the witch choked.
The transfiguration professor glared at her and nodded coolly. "We'll take Severus to see Madam Pomfrey. Professor Dumbledore can join us in the hospital wing."
Poppy Pomfrey looked horrified at the sight of the ill-tempered potions master's beaten form. "He'll need rest," she said, quickly placing bizarre salves on his bloodied and bruised injuries.
"He'll… he'll…" Antonia stuttered.
"Live? Yes. He'll just wish that he hadn't for a couple of days." Poppy shoved them out of the hospital wing.
"Of all the stupid… How could he have…" Antonia muttered to herself, tossing in an occasional curse here and there.
Dumbledore silently walked up behind the women. "If he hadn't gone, Voldemort would have killed you both. But I believe he told you that, didn't he?" Dumbledore calmly informed the fretting wife.
"We could have run! We could have done…"
"Absolutely nothing. Severus did what was best for you," Dumbledore interjected calmly. "If he hadn't gone, Voldemort would have dispatched a group of Death Eaters to your home immediately. And they would have had a special torture just for you, Antonia, before they killed you."
"I swear, I'll fucking rip him apart with my bare hands. I won't need a wand," she fumed, still pacing the stone corridor.
"Antonia! I expect your language to be adequately cleaned up by the time the students arrive," Dumbledore stated.
McGonagall blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Mrs. Snape has agreed to be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor," he calmly informed the deputy headmistress.
"Excuse me?" she repeated.
"Mr. Moody isn't willing to spend another year at Hogwarts, even if we make sure he doesn't get locked in a trunk. Remus won't take the job because he turns into a dog once a month. Lockheart's memory charm worked a little too well on himself. Quirrell is dead. And the Aurors are all battening down for a battle, so none of them can come over and teach. Have you any other suggestions?"
Antonia spoke up. "Why not Severus?"
Minerva shot her a glare. "A Death Eater, teaching Defense? Please."
Dumbledore cut in before Antonia could get her hackles up. "Because it would arouse suspicion. After we no longer have to worry about Voldemort, then you two could feel free to switch positions. Antonia, I'll let you explain it to Severus when he regains consciousness. I'm sure he'll take it better from you."
Antonia nodded. "I'll make him understand. This is the only way that we can all be safe. The Dark Lord wouldn't let Severus live five minutes if he knew that his wife worked for the Ministry."
* * *
Twenty-four hours later
"Severus, I'm so glad you're okay," she breathed, clutching his hand in hers as she knelt beside his bed.
"I love you, Antonia. Don't you understand that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you? I live for you, and I'd die for you," he replied, his voice cracking.
She drew his hand up to her and kissed his knuckles. "Don't go getting in too big of a hurry to die for me. I'm not ready to let you go, yet."
He smiled, only for it to be replaced with a grimace of pain. "I don't want to leave you, yet. I just got you."
"What happened to you? What did that bastard do?"
Dumbledore quietly sat down beside them and nodded for Severus to continue.
"Don't talk about him like that… He used the Cruciatus curse on me…" She gasped. "…twice, and threw me into a tree."
"We're very lucky," she whispered.
"The Dark Lord took pity on me," he said simply, his voice still dry.
"We're going to have to make a few changes, darling, so it will be safe for us to be together…"
Almost imperceptibly, he nodded.
Dumbledore took that as his cue to leave the two young lovers alone.
She continued. "I've quit my job at the Ministry of Magic. Professor Dumbledore has offered me a job at Hogwarts'… We'll talk about it more when you're up to it."
He looked at her quizzically, but wasn't up to pushing the issue.
"Do you want me to move into my own bedchamber?" she offered.
"No. Move into my bedchamber. I want you by my side always," he rasped. "I love you, Antonia, and I think I would go mad, to know that you were sleeping down the hall, so close to me, but so inaccessible."
She smiled softly. "I'll let Professor Dumbledore know, and we'll work on clearing out my apartment and putting everything in storage at my mother's." She rose to her feet and softly brushed her lips against his. "I love you, and I'll be here when you wake up. You need rest."
Dumbledore looked at her quizzically when she walked up to his office. "How did he take it?"
She shook her head. "I didn't tell him."
He looked at her reproachfully. "He's going to find out, Antonia. Would you rather him find out from you, or from someone else?"
"I'll tell him. Just not yet."
"Then, when?" he pressed.
She bit her lip and looked away. "I'll tell him when he's well. But we did establish that he'd prefer that I moved into his bedchamber, rather than the room that you normally give the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher."
Dumbledore smiled. "Did you really think he'd have it any other way?"
She smiled warmly. "I suppose not." Her smile faded. "But he might change his mind when he finds out exactly what I'll be teaching…"
* * *
One week later
Severus was back in his own room, with his wife sleeping beside him again. He was able to walk, and Madam Pomfrey had worked miracles with healing his broken bones and repairing his cuts and bruises. Antonia was happy to see that her husband and lover was as good as new.
"Severus?"
He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. "Yes?"
"Have I told you today exactly how much I love you?"
He smiled softly at her. "Not today you haven't…"
She held her hand up and pinched her thumb and forefinger together. "I love you all the world outside my fingers."
He kind of sneered, but without his usual bite. "Antonia, my love, have I ever told you how sickeningly sweet you can be?" He kissed her forehead gently, still filled with disbelief that this beautiful, high spirited little sprite actually loved him, too. "And I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."
She bit her lip, wondering how to begin. "Remember when I told you that Dumbledore offered me a teaching position here?" she began, filled with trepidation.
"Mmmhmmm," he replied, inhaling the fragrance of her perfume.
"You realize that there's only one position open right now…"
His eyes narrowed. He had a feeling he wasn't going to like where this was going.
"It's the Defense Against the Dark Arts position."
"What?! How could you? You knew that I've wanted that position for years!" he shouted, pushing her away.
"Severus, please…"
"You fucking bitch! You seduce me, you marry me, you worm your way into my heart, and then you take the one thing that I've wanted for years!"
"I seduced you?! Please. We aren't going to start that crap again, are we?"
"How could you take that job?! You're my wife! What ever happened to love and honor and all of that? Or did those vows not mean anything to you?"
"Severus, I…"
"Instead, you stab me in the back! I'm risking my life and trying to keep you alive, and you take that position! What the Hell kind of person would do that to someone she claims to love?!"
She sat up right and glared at him. "You doubt my love for you? I'd move heaven and earth to be with you. I've loved you since I was thirteen years old! How could you ever fucking think that?"
His black eyes no longer held love for her. They were murderously frigid, and fixed upon her. "You took something that I've been working at for years. I let you in, I trusted you, and I gave you my heart and soul… And this is what you do to me," he hissed, his voice now quiet and cold.
She turned away from him. "You don't understand, Severus. You have no clue what's going on here."
"I understand," he sneered. "I understand that my wife of nine days has just betrayed me."
Her shoulders slumped; she looked defeated. "Betrayal. There's so much more to this than you will ever know. I took this position for you, not from you. If you'll get your head out of your ass and listen, then you'd understand."
She quietly slipped on her robe and walked out of the room.
Severus flopped back on the bed, nursing his murderous rage. When he fell asleep, he was still furious.
* * *
She sat by the lake in a state of silence, paying no attention to the water fairies that flew around her. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing. As she settled down, the sky grew darker. By the time her eternally present flock of fae positioned themselves around her, the sky was a murderous, ugly gray. Great. A perfect day. The weather matches my fucking mood. Not even the fairies, pulling up the best tricks that they could muster, could place a smile on her face.
"Not now, guys," she said to the fae as they flitted about. "I need some time alone…" Most of them scattered, except for one, who gave her a mournful look. "I'm not trying to be a bitch," she said, growing annoyed, "I just need some time completely alone, and that includes you." The fairy gave her one last pleading glance before she flew off.
She heard footsteps crunching in the grass behind her. She paid them no mind. It wasn't Severus, the strides weren't his. And he was too injured to come traipsing after her across the grounds, anyway.
"Trouble in paradise?" a low voice rumbled.
She looked up at her former date. "What do you care?"
He smiled, bestowing her with his most handsome, charming smile. "I hate to see a beautiful lady in distress."
"I'm not a lady," she corrected shortly.
"No," he agreed, "no, you're far from a lady… I'd never known a lady that was as proficient in swearing and throwing curses as you."
"You're an ass. Honestly, I came out here because I wanted to be alone, not because I wanted some overeager mongrel to chase me down." The look that she gave Sirius Black implied that he meant less to her than a slug under her shoe.
He was genuinely amused by her. "How on earth did you saddle yourself with Snape? Even with your intolerable personality, there are better men out there that would be pleased to have you by their sides…"
"I find it rather presumptuous on your part to think that there is a better man out there than Severus," she responded icily. "You and I obviously have very differing standards of what constitutes a good man. I, personally, find it repugnant when a man would prefer to have me on his arm as a showpiece. And I find myself under the impression that this is what you are referring to when you say a man would be 'pleased to have me' at his side."
"Perhaps," he mused. "I remember when I took you to the Yule ball all those years ago… You were beautiful that night. I was very proud to be there with you, both to have you 'at my side' as well as to have you 'on my arm'… And you seemed pleased to be there with me, as well."
A half smile flashed across her features for a second. "I was fifteen. You were two years ahead of me, and so very sought after. If I couldn't go with the one that I really wanted, then you were the next best thing."
He laughed. "So that's why I couldn't get you to come out to the edge of the forest with me… You couldn't have the nasty little Slytherin boy that you really wanted, so you went with the popular Gryffindor, instead. Then again, you've never been known for having good taste."
She turned her gaze back to the lake. "I'm very happy with the decisions that I've made."
He slipped a finger under her chin and turned her face towards him. "Are you?" he asked, looking into those bottomless blue pools of hers. "Are you really happy? Is that why I came out here and found you alone? You didn't look like someone who was happy. You actually looked like you'd just lost your best friend."
She pushed him away, and turned her gaze back to the lake. "I married the man that I've always wanted to be with."
"But now you find yourself wondering if he's what you really want, don't you? After all, how many men in your life have you allowed to treat you like he does? He says things that cut you to the quick, doesn't he? Isn't that what he did to you today?"
"It's really none of your business."
"He must have been furious when he found out that you were going to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor… Not only was he bested by a woman, but he had been bested by his own wife… I bet that just tore at his pride."
"You don't know what you're talking about," she protested feebly.
"You're a very feeling person, Antonia, when you aren't hiding it behind that hard hearted veneer. I saw it today when you spoke to your children. For Snape to talk to you like that… To call you a liar and every name in the book that he could think of… That must have hurt. Did he say anything else to you to further twist the dagger that he'd plunged into your heart?"
She bit her lip and tried to repress a sob.
"And now that he's said those horrible, hateful things to you, how can you not help but wonder if you made a mistake? After all, you gave this man your body and your heart… and, more importantly, you gave him a role of importance in the lives of your children… your children who are already lacking in a father figure."
"What are you trying to prove, Sirius? That my life is a living Hell? That everything I touch falls to pieces?" she burst out, furious at him. "Maybe I jumped into marrying Severus too quickly. But you know what? I love him! He's a completely wretched bastard, but I still love the prick!"
He shook his head, bemused at her emotional outburst. "At least you aren't blind to his faults…"
She looked at him hatefully. "No, I'm not blind, and I'm nobody's fool. And, even if it all falls apart on me, I'll never be sorry for marrying Severus. No one, not even you, can say anything that will turn me against him."
The tiny witch rose to her feet and went back up to the castle. With each step, she grew more resolute. He would listen, damn it, even if she had to knock him senseless with her bare hands. "By God, Severus Snape, we took a vow that said 'til death do you part'. You're not dead, yet," she said resolutely. Although, if you don't get your head out of your ass, I just might have to consider killing you, she thought.
By the time she made it back up to their bedchamber, she just knew that he was going to be calm. There was no doubt in her mind that she could reason with him as she twisted the doorknob.
"Severus?" she called out, looking around the room. He wasn't in bed where she left him… He wasn't supposed to be wandering around alone… Where the Hell was he?
She panicked. A band of Death Eaters kidnapped him and were tortured him. She'd find his battered and dismembered body scattered across the front lawn in the morning. "Please be okay," she whispered, pacing back and forth.
Hours went by. Her fae started pulling back the bedclothes. How could they expect her to sleep when she didn't have the faintest idea as to the location of her injured spouse?
She heard him before she saw him. A man in black looking like an overgrown bat stepped out of the green flame in the fireplace, clutching a broomstick. It was him.
"Where the Hell have you been?" she shrieked. "There'd better be a damned good explanation as to why you just disappeared without even leaving me a fucking note!"
"Are you my wife or my mother?" he snarled, tossing his Clean Sweep 7 in the corner. "The last time I checked, I didn't have to report my every damn move to you."
"I just come back, and I find an empty bed. You're hurt! You can't just go flying around the countryside."
"I can do whatever I please. I am an adult. I do not need a sitter. Besides that, I don't recall you telling me where you were going when you stormed out of here in a fit of temper earlier," he reminded her, using his most cutting tone.
"I was worried about you," she responded quietly, too hurt by his attitude to scream.
"Maybe if you weren't such a backstabbing bitch, I wouldn't feel the need to leave," he spat, glaring at her hatefully.
She stepped back for a second, stunned. She felt a few wretched tears slip down her cheek before she regained her composure. How could he? After the time that she'd spent pacing and worrying, how could he treat her like that?
Her eyes narrowed. Her voice was as bitter and cold as his when she responded, "If you'd ever fucking listen to anyone aside from your own demented sense of logic, then maybe you'd understand why I did what I did. But, instead, you insist upon being a cruel bastard. Are you trying to make me leave? Have you suddenly decided that you don't want a wife?"
"I am not opposed to having a wife. I am opposed to having a wife who wishes to keep me on a short leash. I already have one master; I can not serve two," he hissed.
"So, that's what this is about. You're getting back into being a big, bad Death Eater…"
He raised his hand to strike her, and dropped it when he saw her flinch. He stared at her with hatred for a moment.
She stood back silent, knowing that she'd gone too far this time. The only thing to do would be to wait for the repercussions.
Once, she'd realized that he wasn't going to beat her, she launched back into her tirade. "Do you expect me to stay back and calmly allow you to treat me like Narcissa Malfoy is treated? I won't stand for it. I love you, Severus, and I know you're walking a tightrope!" She desperately reached out for his hand, only for him to snatch it away from her. "But how can I help you if you keep shutting me out?" she pleaded.
"Maybe I don't want your help," he hissed, covering his shame over nearly hitting his wife. "I bare the burden of the dark mark, not you. There's nothing you can do to help me."
She looked up at him, the hurt etched across her face. She didn't think she could be more hurt if he had slapped her. "Severus, I love you. I said that I'd be with you, for better or for worse. We're just getting the worse part sooner than most people. I can't be there when you face him. But I can be here when you come home."
He turned away from her. "I know you're just… You want to…" He sighed. "It isn't easy being me, Antonia."
She slipped up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek against her back. "Don't turn away from me, Severus. Even if you hate me, please don't turn your back on me."
He turned to face her as her embrace loosened. "I can't hate you," he promised, his lips brushing her forehead. "Although God knows I've tried."
She began unbuttoning his robe with nimble fingers. She couldn't shake the feeling that, if she didn't touch him soon, she'd die where she stood.
Severus took her hands away and gently scooped her up. He carried her off to his tall, four poster bed and gently lay her on the thick mattress. "You're going to drive me to the brink of madness," he whispered, running his hand up one smooth thigh…
Antonia pulled him closer to her. Her hands and lips were everywhere, touching and kissing him. God, how she needed him. And as long as her touch made him feel the way that he did, she knew that he would need her, too.