A/N: Antonia and the fae are mine. All else is JK's. Tempesta, my beloved muse, once more, I would have been lost without you. Tessie, thanks so much for adding me to your Alert status! preens Amanita Lestrange, Antonia is a bit of a character, isn't she? I don't know if I'd describe her as "trashy", but she's definitely in a class by herself. As for what her relationship with Sirius will become… well, you'll just have to wait for that, right? Thanks to everyone who reviewed. J Oh, and Antonia says thanks, too… (but she gave Amanita the finger for calling her trashy… grins)
As always, please review! We fanfic authors need our egos stroked, you know!
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She lay against him, one thigh casually draped over him. "You, my love, are going to cause me to lose consciousness if you improve much more," she murmured, her tone slightly breathless.
Severus gazed at the blond nymphet that lay beside him. She wore this look of awe that would have warmed him if not for the fact that he felt like he was on fire where she touched him. "I had a very good teacher," he replied, trailing a lazy finger up the creamy whiteness of her thigh.
Thoughts of the Defense Against the Dark Arts position popped in her head at the use of the word "teacher". Should she bring it up now, while he was in a good mood, or should she keep silent so as not to spoil the mood? It was, after all, the first moment of peace that they'd had since she'd moved into the castle…
She snuggled closer, hoping that the feel of her against him would act as a distraction. "Severus? Can I talk to you without you getting angry with me?"
He narrowed his eyes at her, and a faint sneer etched across his face. He just knew that he wasn't going to like this… "Talk," he said coldly, after he repositioned himself in a sitting position. "But I want your wand somewhere out of reach."
She batted her blue eyes innocently and gave him her sweetest little "who, me?" smile. When he didn't budge, she tossed her willow wand over on their dresser. "How long do you think the Dark Lord would let you live while you had a wife in the ministry? Especially if you were married to an Auror? Fudge wanted to promote me to an Auror, and then perhaps to an Unspeakable. And, as you've said, I'm a muggle-lover. I was alone and unprotected in my apartment, and I'd still be alone and unprotected, even as your wife, because you wouldn't be aloud to move your spouse on the grounds with you. I would be dead within the week. And so would you."
He nodded coldly. "I'm not disputing your decision to leave the Ministry. I'm not some pathetic, penniless wizard. I could support you and your children on my salary alone."
"But would you want to? Does it seem fair, that you would suddenly be the sole means of support for three people? Your money is yours, love, and I didn't marry you to take it."
Snape nodded coldly. "Then why couldn't you ask for the Potions job? You're every bit as good at Potions as I."
She gave a wan smile. "I did. Dumbledore pointed out that the Dark Lord would get suspicious over any changes in your position at Hogwarts, especially right now. Once this mess is settled, we can switch positions. You can have your dream job, and I can still work here and be with you."
"How long until this mess is settled? We've yet to truly vanquish Voldemort," he replied bitterly.
She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him, her blue eyes wide with emotion. "Severus, look at it this way… You'll get half of your dream. There will be a Professor Snape teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. It just won't be you, right away. Although it will be close: your wife, the person who would die for you, will be teaching. I know Dark Arts. That's why Fudge wanted to make me an Auror. But I don't know much about teaching…"
He glared at her.
"Look, you're the better man for the job, and we both know it," she admitted.
He cut her off. "Considering you aren't a man at all…"
"Don't be facetious." She continued as though he never interrupted. "But you can sit with me and work through the lesson plans with me. I can teach your lessons. Just think of the advantage it would give our side, if we could teach these kids how to fend off the Death Eaters."
He sighed and wrapped an arm around her. "I don't have to like it. But I'll support you. The truth is, I need you."
She smiled. She'd just been given an admission of need from a man that feels that needing anyone else is a terrible thing. "I love you."
He smiled back at his wife. He loved her… he hated her… she had to die… He would kill the fucking Death Eater that came near her.
He pulled her closer, hoping that her touch would stamp out the conflicting thoughts running through his head. He held her until he fell into a restless sleep, but he kept reaching out for her as the nightmares came.
* * *
She awoke to a thin ray of sunshine filtering through the narrow windows of the dungeon and a band of fairies brushing her hair. Disoriented, she swatted the fae away and felt her eyes come into focus. It had been a terrible night. She kept waking up every time Severus would talk in his sleep. As she heard him cry out things like, "No, not Lily!" and "Please, don't take her…", she would whisper reassuring things in his ears. As much as Antonia loathed hearing the dead woman's name trip so lovingly from her husband's lips, she knew that meeting the Dark Lord must have brought all that pain back. But she wouldn't deny that her soul ached when she heard him cry out "Don't! I love her!"
She felt a fae brush gently against her face. "I'm coming," she hissed, annoyed by their impatience. "Just don't make too much of an ass of yourselves at breakfast, or Dumbledore could make you leave."
They made a little heart formation in the air. One of them squeaked and blew her a kiss.
She laughed quietly and shook her head as she slipped on her robes. She kissed her sleeping husband gently before she turned her attention back to the fae. "Let's go back to the lake, so you guys can run around and play as much as you'd like without disturbing anyone else."
Noiselessly, the petite blond glided through the castle, as silent as the Bloody Baron in his silvery bloodstained robes. She walked out on to the grass, feeling the dampness of the morning dew absorb into her lavender robe. The witch and her fae resumed their spot by the lake, which also happened to be a particularly bright and sunny spot.
She heard footsteps behind her nearly thirty minutes later. "Hello, Sirius," she greeted coolly, not even bothering to look up.
He settled down beside her, exactly where he had sat the day before. "Good morning. I'm surprised to see you up this early," he offered companionably.
She nodded at her fairy friends, who were happily flitting about near the top of the water, much to the irritation of the resident water fae. "They woke me up. They were in the mood to play."
"They follow you everywhere?" he inquired.
She smiled softly at her companions. "Pretty much. They'll leave when I ask them to, and, of course, they don't follow me when I apparate. If I do that, then they just wait for me at home."
"I've never seen fairies just endlessly follow a witch around before…"
She shrugged, her golden hair falling around her.
"Snape hates them, doesn't he." A statement, not a question. Sirius was rather certain that he already knew the answer to that.
"He doesn't care for them, no," she admitted.
He sighed deeply. "Ah, yet another source of friction for you and the potions master… How on earth do you expect to maintain a lasting marriage with someone who really doesn't get along with you?"
She quickly found herself growing annoyed with the tall, broad shouldered man who was far too willing to partake in her company. "What does it matter to you? He doesn't like the fairies. Big deal. A lot of people don't."
"But you do," Black pointed out.
"Sometimes. There are times that I send them on their merry little way."
"I just don't understand what you see in him," Sirius complained.
A sweet smile spread across her face, brightening her countenance. "I see the world. He's everything that I ever wanted. And when he kisses me, I know that he really does love me…"
He snorted. "Are you sure that you don't mean 'he won't leave me'? I don't see Snape as being capable of loving anyone."
She bit her lip and turned away. She'd heard whose name Severus had been crying out in his sleep… and it wasn't hers…
Sirius kept on. "How long has it been since he's shown you any sort of affection without you initiating? Or without him taking you to bed when he does initiate?"
She felt tears stinging her eyes. Had he shown any sign of truly caring for her since she took the Defense Against the Dark Arts position? Was she only valued as a mere object, rather than cared for as a person? She thought she was going to be sick.
She heard a heartbroken sob and felt her shoulders shake. Only when Sirius put a comforting arm around her did she realize that those sickeningly pathetic sounds were coming from her.
"Shh…" He pulled her in his lap, amazed at how very weightless she was, and rocked her against him. "It's okay," he murmured gently, stroking her soft blond hair as he held her.
"What if… what if it's all a lie?" she sobbed. She'd never felt so lost in her life.
He kissed her flaxen locks affectionately. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I shouldn't have just kept going… Severus Snape has never been an easy creature to get along with, and you have the misfortune of being married to the bastard."
"It's not his fault," she hiccupped. "I-I took his job, I p-push his buh-buttons… I'm not easy to be with…"
He held her tightly as sobs shook her body. He couldn't help but feel badly for anyone who had the misfortune of caring for Severus Snape. And that it was her… With her face, she could have had so much more. He tilted her chin up and forced her blue eyes to gaze upon his face. "Hey," he said softly. "Don't ever let me hear you sell yourself short like that again. I happen to think you're pretty great… even if you are a bitch." With that, his lips brushed hers gently.
"So," a cold voice spat, filled with hatred. "I fall asleep with my arms around you, oh, loving wife, and I wake to find you curled up with the bastard that tried to kill me?"
She leaped up from Sirius's lap. "No! It's not like that! How could you think that I would do that to you?" she cried out, staring into the face of her enraged spouse.
"You're the only one that I've ever really wanted," he sneered, mocking the words that she'd so lovingly spoken to him. "I can see that. I'm the only one that you've ever really wanted until the next 'only one' comes along."
Hurt flashed across her face. "Do you honestly think that something would be happening with someone else? It hasn't even been two fucking weeks, and you're already accusing me of having a lover. That says a lot: either you really do think I'm a whore, or you really have no idea how wonderful of a lover you are."
Sirius stood. He really wasn't sure what he should do… The way that Snape was treating Antonia filled him with rage, but the thought of him having sex with her nearly made him ill.
Severus glared at Sirius. "I'd like to speak to my wife," he said frostily.
Black's eyes narrowed as he glared at his old rival. "You will treat her with respect. There's nothing going on between Antonia and me. She needed a friend because of how you treat her."
Antonia placed a hand on Sirius's arm and looked up at him. "I'll be okay. Really. Please go," she asked softly.
"If he does one thing… Just…" Black stalked off.
Snape's shoulders slumped; the fight went out of him. "I've never treated you like less than a lady. I've always been amazed that you saw anything in me. I know that I'm not the most attractive man out there, Antonia, but I can offer you one thing that Sirius Black can't. I love you."
They both looked defeated.
Her blue eyes were downcast. "How could you think that I would be unfaithful?"
"I saw that bastard's arms around you. I saw him kiss you. My eyes do not lie," he added waspishly.
At his tone, the fight went right back into her. "And I heard you cry out in your sleep last night. And the name you cried out wasn't mine," she countered bitterly.
"What are you talking about?"
Her blue eyes narrowed icily. "I sleep right beside you, darling. Every toss, ever turn, every sneeze… And every time you scream for Lily… I hear it."
"I saw her for a moment. Then she turned into you, and Voldemort was standing over you with his wand, and you were begging him not to kill your children. He screamed the killing curse, and all three of you were dead." He looked away before she could see his eyes water. "I don't want to live without you, Antonia. Living with you may be agony, but living without you is bound to be worse."
"I don't understand anything anymore, Severus. You don't talk to me unless I'm angry. You don't touch me unless it's to make love to me. You treat me like I'm the enemy," she said quietly. "I feel like you aren't willing to forgive me for taking the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, even though it's only temporary. That's when you started treating me like… like…" Antonia paused and took a deep breath. "If loving me and being with me doesn't make you happy, then please tell me now. If you decide that you're going to leave me, I'd rather it be now than later."
He knelt before her on one knee and took her hand in his. "Antonia," he began, looking up at her, "I won't leave you. I know we've only been together a short time, but I already don't know how I lived before you."
"I love you. I don't want anything to come between us… Not this battle with the Dark Lord, not my children, not the Defense Against the Dark Arts position…"
She felt him stiffen at the mention of the job. "Severus, I'll tell Dumbledore that I've changed my mind. I'll go back to working at the Ministry. I don't care about that position. All it did was give us an opportunity together, but it seems like it's tearing us apart, instead. If it's going to cause you to resent me, then it isn't worth it."
"No," he said reluctantly. "I can't have you in a job that could get you killed. And I can't be without you."
Slowly, a beautiful smile spread across her face. She was convinced, truly convinced, that Severus Snape really did love her.
She sat down on the grass before him and rested her head on his knee. "Why can't we get it together? Why do we have to argue like we hate each other?"
He touched her face with a gentle tenderness. "Because we are both so certain in what we believe that we take it personally when someone else disagrees…"
"What's going to stop us from tearing each other apart? Neither one of us really knows how to give in."
He sat down on the grass and pulled her into his lap. "Antonia, look at the two of us. Does anything about us being together make sense? Look at us. There's you… You're blond and beautiful… Your skin feels like satin and your hair is like the sun. You smell like peaches, your kisses taste like strawberries. You're brilliant; everyone loves you…"
She scoffed. She could think of a few people that would like her dead… but only after they bedded her, first, of course.
"…And then, there's me," he added.
She shook her head. "You have to be the most brave and loyal man that I know. You're willing to try to do something that no one has ever done: you try to love me. And I don't know how you do it. I know that I say things to you that hurt you, that make you feel like less of a man. I don't mean to do it. Things just… come out, and I know that I shouldn't say them. And, for the record, there's quite a few people who don't love me."
He gently brushed his lips against hers. "How could you say that no one has ever tried to love you? You're everything a man could want."
"It's only because of my face and my body. If I were ugly, I would be stoned. When you hear people talk about me, do they ever say how smart I am, or how kind I can be? No. It's always my face or my body… How flawless I appear to be… How they'd love to take me to bed for the weekend… And if it weren't for my satisfactory performance in bed, they'd never stay with me past the weekend. They never, ever try to love me."
"Then they were bloody fools. They had the most wonderful, loving woman in the world before them, and they chose to never see more than the obvious," he declared. His fortune at having such a wonderful creature in his arms never ceased to amaze him.
"It's always been like this. When I was growing up, my father referred to me as his little gem. Not because I was wonderful and special, but because I was a pretty child. I used to stare in the mirror and wish that I would be ugly. And it never happened. My mother always told me that my face would be my fortune. They never really loved me."
He didn't know what to say to this revelation.
"Even David… He used to tell me that he loved me, and he wanted to marry me… 'Make our family legal,' he'd say… But when I asked him what he loved about me, he would tell me that I was beautiful."
He held her tightly and buried his face in her hair so that she could not see the rage in his eyes at the men who'd come before him. "Antonia Delaney Snape, I've never loved you more than I love you now."
She looked up at him, adoration reflected brightly in her blue eyes. "I love you."
"And I always will," he added.
* * *
Sirius stood in Dumbledore's office. "I don't understand what she sees in him," he grumbled, pacing in front of the window. When he looked out the window, he could just see the couple sitting together at the lake. He didn't know what, exactly, they were doing, but he had a sinking feeling that he really didn't want to know, either.
Dumbledore looked at his friend with a smile. "Honestly, Sirius, you should understand these things by now. To love is to love. There's no logic behind it."
"But, sir, look at them…"
"I've seen them," he replied patiently. "I saw them get married. I've seen them argue. I've seen the glances they pass when they think that no one else is looking."
"He's disgusting."
"Now you're just making it personal, because of the tumultuous relationship that you and Severus shared while growing up. If she were sitting there with… say, Remus, you wouldn't have these feelings."
"Probably," he admitted.
Dumbledore closed the curtains, blocking Sirius's view of the lake. "They're like the story of Beauty and the Beast. However beastly and horrid the Beast was, the Beauty couldn't help but see past it and care for him."