A/N: Antonia's mine, that's it. Thanks to all that reviewed. With the ff.net hit counter being disabled, that was the only way that I knew for sure if someone had read my stuff. So, please, help my fragile ego and review! Even if you think it sux, say so. It's always nice to have feedback.
Rap, rap, rap.
Antonia blinked. Bleary eyed, the witch noticed that her husband was still beside her. She buried her head under the covers.
Rap, rap, rap.
She groaned. "Wha?" the blond grumbled, her voice gritty with sleep.
Rap, rap, rap.
"I'm coming," she mumbled. "Accio dressing gown." Antonia grabbed the floating garment out of the air and was tying the sash around her waist as she heard another rap, rap, rap!
Antonia padded across the cold stone floor in bare feet. "What?" she mumbled sleepily as she opened the door.
She became a bit more conscious when she saw who stood on the other side of the heavy wooden door. "Sir?"
Albus Dumbledore stood across the threshold, his face grim. "I'm sorry to wake you at this early hour, Antonia, but there is a visitor waiting in the potions room for a Professor Snape. The visitor refused to clarify which Professor Snape was requested, so I thought it best to wake you both."
Antonia nodded sleepily, beginning to wake up. "I'll wake Severus."
Dumbledore nodded unhappily. "Do be quick, Antonia. I want to get this over with as quickly as possible."
"Yes, sir."
Dumbledore walked away and she closed the door.
"Severus, wake up," she said urgently, shaking his shoulder.
"Good God, woman, what do you want?"
"One of us has a visitor in your classroom. Professor Dumbledore isn't sure which one of us has been requested."
He groaned. "If it's a pissed off parent, it's probably me. I don't think you've been here long enough to alienate anyone…"
"Then, fine, you get up and deal with it and let me go to bed."
He yawned. "I don't think so."
The witch swatted her wizard with a pillow. "Come on! Dumbledore himself came down to our dungeon."
"Fine," he replied shortly. "I'm getting up."
She handed him his robe. "I'll be right behind you, darling. I just want to get myself looking like a human, first."
"Of course. I always look ghastly, so I don't need time to clean up."
She sighed. "Severus, please. I'm not saying that, and you damned well know it. I know you aren't a morning person, but neither am I. And I'll be right down."
"Fine," he snapped. He put on his standard black wizard robe, pulled on his heavy black boots, and stalked out of their bedroom.
"Damn," she sighed. Antonia took a quick shower and slipped on her clothes. Her hair was still wet when she joined her husband and their mystery guest in the potions dungeon.
Severus and a tall blond man with icy good looks stood about, chatting about the joys of Slytherin. He looked familiar. Incredibly familiar…
She gasped when he faced her full on. It was him.
The man looked surprised for a second, but it was quickly replaced with a smile of mastership. "Hello, lover."
Antonia
paled. She noticed Severus's grip
tighten on his wand as he passed a doubtful sidelong glance at her. In two words, she thought, you've
managed to make Severus doubt me again. Thank you, Lucius.
"Lucius, this is my wife," Snape interjected, his voice icy.
"Oh, she and I met some time ago… I'm sorry, dear, what was your name?"
"Antonia Snape. And yours? It seems to have slipped my mind," she replied, her tone biting. She was doing her damnedest to keep the terror out of her voice, but she could smell her own fear. She just hoped that the other two occupants of the dungeon didn't smell it, as well.
"I'm surprised that you don't remember. Best night of your life," he sniffed contemptuously. "It's still Lucius. Although, I believe that night you called me master…"
Snape's glare grew deadly. There was no sneer across his face. No, this expression could only be described as blood-lust.
She scoffed. "Best night, my ass. I barely remember you."
His gray eyes turned cold. "I could make you remember," he promised, moving closer to her.
"If you would refrain from touching my wife," Snape said sharply, his voice snapping like a whip.
"Your wife, Severus?" Lucius chuckled scornfully. "I would have thought that you could do better than this little slut." His gray eyes raked across her figure, appraising her as though he'd appraise a horse. "Of course, perhaps she settled for you simply because she'd already fucked every other wizard. I imagine her pickings had gotten a little slim…"
He saw the flash of her hand and felt his head snap to one side.
"I thought of it this time without you putting the idea in my head, bastard." She felt a rush of satisfaction at the sight of her hand print on that son of a bitch's face. Her own hand ached from the force of her blow, but the pained expression that flitted across Malfoy's face made it worthwhile.
Malfoy looked murderous. His hand snaked out towards her before Severus stepped between them, his wand in his hand. "You will not touch my wife, Lucius, regardless of what capacity you may have touched her before."
Malfoy's gray eyes narrowed. "Having to have someone else fight your battles for you, now, eh?"
"State your business," Snape hissed, still shielding Antonia behind his back.
"My business, it would appear, is with your wife. She's been giving my son a hard time."
"If you wish to address my wife, it will be done with Dumbledore present. Or your wand in my hand."
Lucius smiled coldly at Antonia. "Would you like another night? Of course, I wouldn't sleep with you now if you begged me… Your, uh, standards seem to have dropped significantly since then."
"Not hardly. At least I can remember Severus's name the next morning," she sniffed.
"Listen to me, you little bitch. You will not give my son any further grief. What's it to you if he bewitches your picture to take off her clothes? Given enough alcohol… bourbon, if I recall correctly… you'd take off your clothes anytime and anywhere, and for anyone."
Severus pointed his wand at Lucius. "Don't make me kill you. It wouldn't take much to push me to it, right now. And you know that our master has insisted that I be every bit as proficient in Unforgivable Curses as you."
"But the difference is, Snape, you're too cowardly to use them."
"Touch my wife and find out," he promised, his black eyes glittering. "And your boy will need to learn how to properly address his professors. Perhaps he needs to sit out from Quidditch until he gets a respectful tone while addressing Professor Snape."
"You're making a mistake," Malfoy replied calmly.
"The only mistake that has been made this morning is when you came in to my classroom and insulted my wife. Draco is a fine boy. He just uses poor judgment. His actions towards my wife are just an example of it, and it is my job to teach him how to use good judgment. Without your undermining."
Lucius glared menacingly at the professors. "This school is going to the dogs. I should have sent Draco to Durmstrang."
"Probably," Antonia agreed. "Now, if you're quite finished, Mr. Malfoy, I have quite a bit to accomplish. And, really, I'm quite bored with you. Good day." She turned on her heel and walked out of the dungeon.
Moments later, Severus rejoined her in their bedchamber, slamming the door behind him. He pointed his wand at the walls and announced "Silencio Externum!" He glared at her, white-faced with rage. "You slept with Lucius Malfoy?" He looked sickened by the sight of her.
She flinched at the hatred in his eyes. "It was just a one night stand," she rushed, "In Paris. I was there for a Ministry conference for the different countries' Accidental Magical Reversal Squads. It was the anniversary of David's death, and I just got drunk in a bar. He was there."
He looked repulsed. "How could you?"
"I was drunk, and I didn't care. I think I almost half-hoped that he was one of those deranged killers that pick up women in bars. I'd rather hoped that he would take me to bed and murder me as I slept, or that he would push me over the side of the balcony, or something. I didn't want to go on anymore. Being with someone else just made it hurt less."
"Of course. You weren't really a drunken whore. You were just lonely and pitiful," he said in a gentle, mocking voice that dripped with his customary sarcasm. His face twisted into a hateful mask. "You make me sick. I can't believe that I ever gave you my time," he spat, his voice now holding all of the wrath of a wronged and vengeful god.
"Severus, please!" she cried, her voice containing a note of pleading.
But he would not be dissuaded from the verbal barrage he lay upon her. "How many of my other fellow Death Eaters have you slept with? The whole group? Did you tell the others that it was okay, that you knew that they didn't really mean it?"
"No!" she screamed.
"Is there any Death Eater you wouldn't sleep with?"
"The only Death Eater that I would sleep with is you. The others before you? Why should they matter?"
"I don't like the idea of my wife being a Death Eater left over," he hissed.
Her shoulders slumped. "Of course. I'm a big whore. I'm everything that they've ever said that I was. And then I found you. But, of course, I was so fucking worthless before you, finding you and loving you won't make a bit of difference, would it? Once a whore, always a whore, right?" Her voice was bitter.
He drew his wand and pointed it at Antonia. "There was a time that I would have just killed you, rather than listened to your pathetic rambling over how hard it was, just to be so fucking beautiful. How lonely you were after the muggle that you were screwing died by his own stupidity. Consider yourself lucky that I've grown kinder with age," he sneered, looking at her as though she had all the importance of an annoying gnat.
"Kinder? Where's the fucking kindness in that? It would be much kinder of you to kill me than to allow me to stand here before you while you look at me as though I am worthless whore." Tears filled her blue eyes. "Why don't you just kill me? Do us both a favor?"
His wand hand dropped to his side and he set his wand down on the table. "Why, Antonia? If you had to go home with someone, why him? Weren't there other men that were looking at you that night?"
"Because I was stupid. I made a mistake. I'm so sorry, Severus… If I'd had it to do all over again, I never would have gone to bed with him."
Severus looked away from her. He didn't know if he should slap her or if he should hold her. He loved her. He hated her. And every time he closed his eyes, he could see Lucius Malfoy's filthy hands on her. He wanted to kill the bastard for defiling her. Lucius Malfoy didn't deserve to touch her, nor should he ever have had the opportunity to.
"Who else?" His voice cracked like a whip.
"Excuse me?" she gasped, incredulous. How the Hell could he ask her something like that?
"Who else have you been sleeping with, Antonia? Is anyone else going to surprise me with revelations regarding the chastity of my darling wife?" he mocked.
She looked down at the stone floor. "Severus, I really don't…"
"Who else?" he demanded. "Or would I be better off asking who you haven't slept with?"
"Do you want me to rattle off a list?" she hissed.
"Yes! I want to know who else is going to come up and tell me something that I didn't know about my wife! Did you sleep with Sirius Black after we graduated? Or Peter Pettigrew before he ran away to live the life of a rat? Or maybe James, after a drunken argument with Lily?"
Her face remained in a mask of denial. "No! I never—"
"What about Lupin? Did you curl up with him in front of the fire when he wasn't prowling the countryside eating things?"
She stepped back, stunned. "How did you?"
Severus looked at his wife with disgust. "You slept with Remus Lupin? How could you? Have you no standards?"
"I never had sex with Remus. It was after David died. I was upset. Devastated, really. He was my friend. He came over and he stayed with me. Nothing more ever happened than a few kisses. But you know what? Remus would never treat me with so little respect."
"That's because Remus has never been told that you fucked half the Death Eaters! Did you sleep with the Dark Lord, too?"
She stepped back, stunned. "How could you say such a thing? Do you think so little of me?"
"Right now? Yes," he responded cruelly.
Suddenly, there was a crack, and Severus's face stung. "How dare you? Who the Hell do you think you are to talk to me like that? You know, Severus, I might have been the biggest slut imaginable," she spat, "But at least I don't kiss the hems of the Dark Lord. Oh, and I assure you, if I did sleep with him, it would have involved him kissing the hem of my robes, rather than the other way around."
His face reddened. "I have never wanted so much to hurt someone as I do you at this moment. You make me sick."
"Not as sick as I make myself." Without another glance at her husband, she walked out of their bedchamber.
Her life before him had come back to blow up in her face. She could live with that. But she'd be damned if she'd let him see her cry over it.
When breakfast rolled around, Antonia was one of the first professors in the Great Hall. Severus was the last. He took his customary seat beside Antonia, but refused to look at her. Likewise, she focused her eyes in every direction but his.
Dumbledore, in effort to break the tension, said lightly, "So, is everyone going to Hogsmeade today? I understand that Zonko's has gotten some new product in. I've heard that it's from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, as well."
The other professors made appropriate noises, but Severus and Antonia persisted in avoiding each other.
As the students began to file out of the Great Hall, Dumbledore said quietly, "Professors Snape, I need to speak to you both in my office."
Both nodded.
They sat down in his office in two great chairs. Not coincidentally, they picked the two chairs that were the farthest away from each other.
"Lemon drop?" he offered. At the look on the Snapes' faces, he tucked the baggie back in his desk. "Er, right. So, what is it with the two of you? Yesterday, you were loath to share each other even long enough to join us for meals. Today, you don't want to be in the same room."
"That's very personal, sir," Antonia replied stiffly.
"Be that as it may, I find your behavior to be entirely inappropriate. You two managed to show enough restraint in public when you wanted to be together. Can you at least make the effort to pretend to like each other in front of the students?" Dumbledore pressed.
"I'm sorry, sir. I've simply discovered some things about my spouse that certainly would have delayed the haste in which we married," Snape replied, looking at Antonia with repulsion.
"Sir, perhaps it would be best if I moved into the bedchamber usually received for the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" Antonia suggested, her voice tight.
"That would be best," Severus agreed.
Dumbledore shook his head. "I'm afraid not. In light of the occurrences of late, one of them being the clearing of Sirius Black's name, I've given that chamber to him."
"Is there another room that I might move to, sir?" Her voice, usually light and pleasant, was now shaky and gravelly.
"I'm afraid not, Professor Snape. You two will have to work out whatever problem you are having. If you do not wish to be together at the end of the term, then we can figure something out."
"I don't wish to be with her now, sir."
"You should have thought about that before you married me. Hypocritical bastard." She rose to her feet and headed for the door. "I'm sorry, sir. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much you love a person if he doesn't love you back."
With her head held high, Antonia walked out of the office. Severus thought he heard her choke on a sob as the wall slid shut behind her.
"Severus, what are you doing?" Dumbledore asked, his face unsmiling.
"She's done some things, sir, that I find unforgivable."
"Before she married you, I presume?"
"Yes."
Dumbledore sighed. "Severus, I tried to warn you when you and Antonia first got involved that she didn't exactly have the most savory past. But, then, neither do you. Of course, you ignored me and pursued her, anyway."
"I shouldn't have," he admitted.
"Do you love her?"
"Very much, sir."
"Then why are you punishing her for something that happened before you found each other?"
"If I'd known, I never would have touched her."
"Really, Severus. You've done some things that you aren't proud of, and she seems to have gotten past that. Yet you have difficulties doing the same?"
"She knew what I'd done. I've had no such luxuries."
"Has it occurred to you, Severus, that Antonia was so reluctant to tell you anything of her past because of how you're behaving right now?"
He was silent, pondering the words that Dumbledore had spoken. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Snape spoke. "You're right," Snape admitted.
"She's very upset right now. What do you think you should do?"
"I see your point, sir. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find my wife."
Snape went back to the dungeons to find Antonia quietly weeping over a bottle of bourbon and her book of Shakespeare's sonnets.
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up
remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of
many a thing I sought,
And with old woes
new wail my dear times' waste:
Then can I drown
an eye, unus'd to flow,
For precious
friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh
love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the
expense of many a vansh'd sight:
Then can I grieve
at grievances foregone,
And heavily from
woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of
fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as
if not paid before.
But if the while I
think o thee, dear friend,
All losses are
restor'd and sorrows end.
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate," Severus quoted softly.
Her eyes were puffy and her face was red. "I wasn't reading that sonnet," she sniffled.
He sat down at her feet and gazed at the flawless beauty that he'd married. Not flawless, he corrected. "I'm sorry, Antonia," he began hesitantly. "I was being hateful and horrible. I was hurt. I admit that. But I still behaved like a boorish ass. Can you forgive me?" he asked, before her on bent knee.
"I love you. As much as you hurt me, I'm madly in love with you. It's a terrible, stupid thing, but it's the truth. I just don't understand how you could suddenly turn on me like that, after you defended me in the dungeon."
"A man that I detest has carnal knowledge of my wife. He took great pleasure in giving details, so I would know that it was the truth. I didn't like how that made me feel. And I took it out on you."
"How are we going to be happy when you get angry with me over things that have nothing to do with our relationship? What happened in Paris was so long ago, darling, and it had nothing to do with us. That you would be so cruel over it… well, it hurt."
He took the book out of her hands and shifted the bourbon to one side, then rested his head in her lap. He opened his mouth to say something, and remembered what he'd said about his wife and Voldemort. "I'm so sorry… I don't know how you can forgive me."
She stroked his black hair lovingly, not minding that it was getting greasy again. He was back in her arms, and he still loved her. That was all that mattered.