On My Own

Etcetera looked wistfully across the Junkyard. Her beloved Rum Tum Tugger was near the drainage pipe, flirting with some of the other Jellicle kittens. Today, Etcy preferred just to watch.

Bombalurina sauntered in, catching Tugger's eye. Etcy noticed her too, and unfortunately, she also saw a look of instant love in her Tugger's eye. Glancing back to Bomba, she saw the same look of love in hers. Bomba smiled seductively at Tugger, and continued on her way.

"Hey, Etcy," she greeted the tabby kitten as she passed. Etcy couldn't bring herself to glare at Bomba and instead bottled up her anger at Bomba's actions. She decided to go see Tugger.

She approached him, her manner very unlike Bomba's. She knew Tugger wasn't going to notice her. He never did. "Hi Tugger," she greeted him.

"Oh, hi Etcy," Tugger responded, much to her surprise. She was usually ignored by him.

*Wow,* Etcy thought. *He noticed me!* She was almost gleeful. Maybe she did have a chance of winning his heart after all!

"Etcy," Tugger began, "Do you think you could get Bombalurina to see me tonight?" he asked after a brief pause to think about his question before asking her.

Etcy almost exploded. *He addressed me to ask me if I would ask out another girl for him!* she fumed mentally, but outside, she showed no disapproval toward the idea. "Sure," she told him. "I'll tell her," and with that, the little tabby kitten ran off, eager to please Tugger no matter how painful it was to her.

"Bomba?" Etcy called, approaching Bomba's usual hangout, underneath an old oven. "Are you here? I have a message from Tugger for you." Bomba appeared from in the shadows.

"And what is this message?" she asked cautiously, wondering why in Bastet's name Etcetera would give her a message from Tugger. Everyone knew Etcy had the biggest crush on Tugger.

"He - he wants to see you tonight," Etcy informed the red and black queen, astounding her thoroughly. "He didn't tell me any place to tell you, so I'm assuming you already know." To this, Bomba gave a slight nod of her head.

"Thank you Etcy," Bomba said. She didn't know how to tell Etcy how glad she was that she had brought a message even though she didn't like it very much.

Etcy nodded her head politely and bounded off. She wandered around for a while, unhappy with herself, wondering what Bombalurina had that she didn't. After a long while, she sat down, completely depressed. Remembering a song her humans had listened to, she began to sing to herself, quietly at first, then with more emotion:

On My Own, pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, "There's a way for us!"

I love him, but when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
I love him, but every day I'm learning
All my life, I've only been pretending!
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known!
I love him
I love him
I love him,
But only On My Own!...

As Etcy carried the last beautiful note of the song, a cry from elsewhere in the Junkyard echoed. "MACAVITY!" Etcy jumped to her feet instinctively, and raced toward the source of the cry. It had sounded like Bombalurina, and if it was, she would help save her to please Tugger.

She had been right. She realized it as soon as she neared Bomba's favourite hangout. Macavity was there, trying to knock her unconscious.

"Leave her alone!" Etcy ordered the mystery cat, surprising herself with her boldness. "At least hurt someone who doesn't have love in their life, and who has no purpose for living!" With her angry cry, she pounced for the stunned mystery cat.

Macavity prepared himself for the kitten's attack a few seconds before she hit him. She landed on him, slamming him to the ground, and spearing herself in several places on his razor sharp claws.

From no where Tugger came running. He too had heard Bomba's cry for help. "Bomba, get help!" he told her. He knelt down at Etcy's side. "Etcy, are you okay?" he asked while Macavity lay stunned on the ground a few feet away.

Once more remembering a song, Etcy sang weakly:
Don't you fret, my Rum Tum Tugger
I don't feel any pain
A Little Fall of Rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You're here, that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow

Tugger, without realizing it, continued:
But you will live, Etcy, Bastet above
If I could heal your wounds with words of love

(Etcy)
Just hold me now and let it be
Shelter me, comfort me

(Tugger)
You would live a hundred years
If I could show you how
I won't desert you now

(Etcy)
The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's past
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last
The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed!
The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far...
So don't you fret, my Rum Tum Tugger
(Hushabye, little Etcy)
I don't feel any pain
(You won't feel any pain)
A Little Fall of Rain
Can hardly hurt me now
(I'm here) That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain (and rain) will make the flowers...

(Tugger)

Will make the flowers grow

When he finished the song alone, Tugger realized that Etcy had sang that particular song because she knew she was going to die. And it finally dawned on him that she had truly loved him, and he had brushed it off as a school-girl crush and never took her seriously.

Bomba returned seconds after Etcy's death with Munkustrap and Alonzo. The other toms chased Macavity away.

"She's dead, isn't she?" Bomba asked sadly. Tugger nodded. "She died to keep us happy." A tear rolled down Bomba's cheek, and she didn't protest when Tugger bent down and kissed Etcy's lifeless form.