A/N: See any chapter up to 12 for disclaimer.
Okay, guys, ff.net is being evil once more. They've disabled the hit counter, so I have no idea how many people are reading my story unless you review. I don't even expect anything earth shattering and thought provoking from you… just a simple "I
wuz here" will work for me… So, please stroke my fragile ego and just let me know that you've read it?
Other fic writers or fan artists, I've started a website for my fics because of ff.net being evil so very often. If you'd like to have your stuff put up or linked from my site (since the first page is primarily links to fics within the site, why not link to a few outside of it?), just send me an email at redwitch96@aol.com
Tempesta, you, my darling, are my beloved muse and beta reader. Thanks so much for the help and inspiration.
W&m_law: Yep, I sure am. An English Education major, to be precise. J
Prue/Alica: Thanks so very much. It's good to know that I'm in good company.
Amanita Lestrange: I don't think your cameo is even close to being over with, yet. I still have some uses for your schizio self and your doddering old fool of a husband.
Katie Weasley: Do we share the same brain or something?
Tessie: Thanks for taking the time to email me when ff.net was being stupid. This chapter is for you… and I think it's got just enough mushy stuff to be perfect for you. Hehe. J
Hazle Lang: Antonia, Snape, and Voldie have all informed me that they aren't through with me, yet. What with all three of them pointing their wands and preparing to use the killing curse, I'm in no position to argue.
PotterLovingAsh: So sorry for the delay. My computer had some really fucked up error, and it refused to open my windows. I had to salvage my files out of safe mode, save to disk, and delete my hard drive. sigh But, now that my computer is up, hopefully, I can start churning out the chapters again. J
The roll of honor is at the bottom. And now, on with our fic…
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Antonia tossed her packages down on the bed and sank down in a leather chair. The fire was blazing, and the candles were lit. The fairies, bless them, had kept themselves busy, using their magic to hang up the laundry that she'd left in a careless heap that morning.
She looked at the parcel on her bed. She still couldn't believe what Sirius had done…
"I thought you deserved this…" he murmured softly, handing her a flattish rectangular box in brown wrapping.
She
opened the parcel and saw those beautiful silk robes. "Sirius," she protested, her voice conveying her flattery and
irritation in the same breath, " you shouldn't have." As sweet as his doting nature was, it got rather old rather
quickly. Quite frankly, she was getting
sick and tired of his smooth attempts at gaining her favor. What would it take for him to get it through
his head that she was happily married? More importantly, how would Severus react when he saw them? She couldn't very well take them back
to Madam Malkin's… She was stuck with
the damned robes, and, as nice as they were, she'd never be able to wear
them. At least, not without sending her
husband into a murderous rage.
"I
wanted to," he replied. His black eyes
burned as they swept her form.
"No, you really shouldn't have," she rebutted as they walked out of the shop. How could he have done that? Did he not think that she was capable of taking care of herself, or did he believe that Severus would have her run about in threadbare rags?
"Are you
ready to apparate?" her protector asked, trying to change the subject.
"Fine,
but that doesn't mean that I can't just pick up where I left off when we get
back to Hogsmeade…" Antonia's voice
promised that she most certainly would.
They
both apparated.
In
Hogsmeade, they both landed at the edge of the town. "Do you have any idea how insulted you made me feel when you
bought those robes for me?" Antonia demanded.
"I wasn't trying to do that… I just wanted to do something nice for you." At the hurt puppy look on his face, she nearly melted. No, Antonia reprimanded herself, stay firm, or he'll be doing these things until one of you dies. And if he keeps doing this, Severus may very well kill him.
Instead,
she kept going on her current I'm-really-pissed-off-at-you train of
thought. "What you did was say that I'm
in such a sad financial state that you feel the need to buy my robes for me. You said that my husband cannot take care of
my needs, so you must do so. Or, she
could have taken that to mean that I am your mistress, and you are keeping your
whore in proper garments. Regardless,
it was improper. I can't accept them."
They walked together, heading for the castle, as they talked.
"I'm
sorry. I didn't mean to insult
you. It isn't about what Snape can do
for you or what you can do for yourself. I just thought…"
"You
didn't think," she sniffed.
"No,
Antonia, I did think. I thought
that you were beautiful, and that those robes were perfect for you. Even though you could buy them yourself, I
could see that you weren't going to. And I thought it would be a disservice to allow some other woman to buy
those robes, when they wouldn't look half as good on her as they did on
you…"
He
grasped her hand she stiffened. By the
hurt look on his face, Antonia knew that he felt it, too. "Perhaps, Sirius, you should keep in mind
that I am married… to someone else."
"I know…
and I can't help but think that you wouldn't be if I hadn't been such an idiot
at the Yule Ball," he confessed.
Antonia
pulled her tiny hand out of his large one. "It doesn't matter. I love
Severus. I've always loved Severus. And he's the one that I would have ended up
with, no matter how things turned out."
"You
don't know that," he insisted.
"Yes, I
do. Even if David hadn't died, I would
still be with Severus, because I loved him all along. Even if Lily and James didn't die, even if you never went to
Azkaban. Even if you'd been a perfect
gentleman at that dance. None of that
would have made a difference. I loved
Severus before all of that. And I love
him now."
"I could
have won you over, you know." His voice
was warm and mellow, and it ran over her senses like melted butter.
She
shook her head. "There's a reason why
you want me, darling, and it has nothing to do with me. You want what you can't have. I'm the only girl who's ever turned you
down."
"That's
not true," he protested.
She
smiled impishly at him, paying no attention to the winter breeze that slowly
pushed back at her hood. "You mean
other girls out there have turned you down?"
He
smiled back at her. "No. You're the only one. But that's not why I want you. And that's not why I can't stop until I have
you."
A sudden
gust of wind blew, knocking off her hood and nearly pushing her off her
feet. Sirius put a hand on her shoulder
to steady her. "You're wrong. The great attraction isn't my face or my
body, like it is with most. With you,
it's that you've found the one that you can't seduce. For someone who lives solely by seduction, that can be a terrible
thing."
He
wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his strong embrace. Sirius Black, for being such a large man,
was incredibly gentle with her. He
tilted her chin up with one finger and brought his face down to hers. "I could seduce you," he murmured, his
breath soft and warm on her face.. "In
the right time, and the right place, I could tempt you beyond anything else."
"Please,"
she whispered, her voice swept away in the cold wind, "let me go." Another lifetime, one before Severus, a
voice like that may have been enough to carry her off to bed. But not now.
He
pushed a blond lock away from her face and pulled her hood back up as he
released her.
Antonia
was very relieved when the main entrance to Hogwarts loomed before them…
She saw the cheerful orange blaze of the fire turn green and leaped to her feet. "Severus?"
His tall, lanky figure stepped out of the fireplace. The potions master looked as though he'd aged ten years in his ten hour absence. He barely looked at her as he walked in her direction.
She thought he was going to walk past her and isolate himself in his own private anguish, but he surprised her. He stopped just before her and said, "I've just unleashed the demons of the underworld." His voice was hollow; his hands were like ice when she grasped them.
"Shh," she murmured, her voice soothing. "Whatever it is that happened, you did what you thought was best." Antonia reached up and unfastened the clasp on his cloak, letting it fall to the floor. The fae gave her an annoyed glance as they hung it back in the wardrobe, but Antonia remained oblivious to them.
He shook his head and sat down in the chair by the fire. "The Lestranges are free, again, and Amanita has gone completely mad in that hellhole. She'll be more monstrous than before…" He buried his face in his hands, still stunned at what his fellow Death Eaters had become.
Antonia sighed. Amanita Lestrange was a homicidal bitch when she was relatively sane… What would she be like now, while still under the servitude of the Dark Lord? "You did the only thing that you could have done, darling," she murmured, kneeling at his feet before him. She unlaced his heavy, black boots and set them beside the chair.
"I could have killed them," he replied flatly.
She smiled softly and shook her head. "No, you couldn't. Because you aren't like that. You have thoughts and feelings and, yes, even morals. Even if you don't like to admit it to yourself."
He looked away from her, staring absently into the fire.
She wanted to shake him. "Severus, please. You have to listen to me," she pleaded. His eyes still held that lost look, but they were focused on her. "What good would it have done for you to not free them? If you hadn't, someone else would have. If you'd killed them, you would have been killed for it.
"You're providing an incomparable service to the resistance, darling. You are a spy. A spy, not a kamikaze soldier. It is your job to stay at the side of the Dark Lord, but not to die for it. We need someone brave and strong like you. We need someone that can let our side know what the bastard is up to. That someone is you. Without you? We're blind."
He closed his eyes and looked away from her, remote once more.
All thoughts of Sirius and that blasted robe were forgotten. All that mattered right now was that Severus had lost himself in his own private Hell. And Antonia's heart was breaking over it.
She could bring him out of it. She had to.
Slowly, she stretched up from the floor and slid into his lap. His eyes flickered over to her for a moment before he redirected his gaze to the roaring blaze of the fire. His arms wrapped around her, almost reflexively, as she turned and straddled him, her legs bent at the knee.
"Tough day at the office?" she murmured seductively.
"The worst," he sighed as her lips closed over his earlobe.
"I'm sure I can come up with something to make it all better," she teased, her lips moving down his neck. She worked on opening his robes at the same time. Her lips blazed a trail down his chest, lower, lower, and lower still as she slid out of his lap.
She felt his fingers tangle in her hair as she teased him with her mouth and her tongue. She heard the sounds he was making, as though he'd temporarily been unable to intake any oxygen.
"Antonia…" he breathed. His fingers were biting into her shoulders, pulling her up his body, which was now slick with sweat.
She found herself back in his lap, one arm cradling her against him, his other arm furiously working with his hand to get her robes off. The chill of the November air rushed over her own flesh, which was now feverishly hot under Severus's fingertips.
She heard a whimper, and realized that it was from her own throat. Gods, she thought fleetingly, focusing on how wonderful his mouth felt. A kiss here, a touch there… He was driving her mad.
Antonia turned and sat facing Severus, her legs on either side of his, folded at the knee. She paid no mind to the arm of the chair; it was padded and it wasn't bothering her a bit. Besides… There were more pressing matters at that time…
She leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips. Severus's own hands were shoving off her robes and pulling her against him, his long fingers splayed over the bare flesh of her back.
She felt her bare flesh against his chest, enamored with the feeling of his heart pounding against her chest. With one hand, he held her against him, the other hand tangled in her hair, pulling her head back. His lips moved down her chin, down her neck, suckling and nipping at the sensitive flesh.
She gasped as his lips moved down her breasts. When she pulled him inside her, everything else but the two of them together had been forgotten.
He held her close, the two of them still in that antique wing backed chair.
"I love you, Severus Snape," she whispered, thoroughly winded.
"I love you," he replied, resting her head on his shoulder.
The two settled in a companionable silence.
After some time, Antonia found herself getting stiff, and stood up before her husband.
"How did you get that bruise on your leg?" Severus asked, seeing a horrible blue-black stain mar the white flesh of her thigh.
She glanced down. "Oh, that. The chair, I think," she shrugged. As easily as she bruised, what was one more?
His gaze shifted over to the bed. "What's this?" he asked, staring at a parcel on top of the green coverlet.
"Oh, that…" She looked at the floor, the ceiling, the fireplace… Her eyes went everywhere, except to Snape. "It's a, uh, new set of robes."
He opened the box and lifted the garment out of its bed of tissue paper. "They're beautiful… but I thought you weren't going to buy anymore robes, since you aren't making Ministry of Magic salary anymore?"
"I didn't," she mumbled, her voice so low and fast that he could barely understand her.
"Excuse me?" he replied, knowing that something was up. "If you bought the robes, darling, I'm not going to be angry with you. After all, it's your money, and I have more than enough in the bank to support you and the boys, as well." His voice was smooth like silk, comforting and soothing. She knew that coaxing voice so well.
Still, she couldn't lie to him… Leave out details? Certainly. But lie to him when he directly asked a question? That, unfortunately, was beyond her capabilities. "I didn't buy the robes," she replied stiffly.
"Then who did?" he pressed.
"Darling, does it really matter?" she responded lightly. She moved to take the robes and put them away, but he snatched it up out of her reach.
"Who, Antonia," he pressed. His eyes were cold, his voice hard.
"Sirius," she admitted.
"Why did he feel the need to buy you such an obviously expensive gift?" Severus replied waspishly.
"I tried it on at Madam Malkin's when I did my shopping today… You said that you didn't want me to leave the castle unattended. So, I listened to you. I made Sirius come with me."
"I didn't want you to leave the castle at all!" he snapped, his voice icy cold.
"I had Christmas shopping to do," Antonia replied angrily. "I do still have two boys that life goes on for. I'm not going to hide in the castle like a damned child. I took Sirius with me. I didn't go alone. I followed your instructions, and this is how you behave."
She turned her back on Severus. "Maybe next time, I'll fucking take my chances with the Dark Lord. The reception from him can't be any worse than the attitude that you've given me."
"You leave with Sirius. You come back with new dress robes, and an ugly bruise on your thigh. What the Hell am I supposed to think?"
"You bastard," she hissed, snatching up her fallen robes. She refused to stand before him, without a stitch of clothing on, while he accused her of being unfaithful. "You think I would betray you like that, then make love to you in the very same afternoon?"
"Perhaps not," he snarled. "But Black felt the need to give you the damned robes for some reason. I'd like to know what that reason is."
He hastily pulled on his own robes and stormed out of the room, the ice blue robes in his fists.
When Snape arrived at Black's room, he hadn't calmed down any. No, if anything, he was even more enraged, just picturing the ex-convict's hands on his wife. I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him.
There was no warning knock. Severus flung the door open to Sirius Black's chamber and found Black calmly smoking a cigarette while reading Tolkein's Lord of the Rings.
Sirius looked up, stunned at the force of his door slamming into the wall. "What the Hell? Don't you know how to knock, Snape?"
"Don't you know how to keep your filthy hands off of my wife?" Snape countered, flinging the dress robes in Black's face.
"I have yet to lay a hand on her," Sirius protested. "When I do finally have her, though, she'll never go back to you again."
Snape withdrew his wand from his pocket. He didn't want to curse Black, though. No, he had this feeling that he would receive far more satisfaction in ripping Black's appendages off with his bare hands. "I'll kill you, first," Snape hissed.
"Better men than you have tried and failed, you slimy bastard."
Enraged, Snape pointed his wand at his tormentor. "Avada Kedav…" He stopped himself. "I could kill you very easily. Don't tempt me," he added coldly.
At that, Severus turned and walked out of the room.
"Snape!" Black called out, poking his head out in the hall.
Severus stopped and turned.
"Come back in here. But leave your wand by the door, this time," Sirius insisted.
"I don't know if it's a good idea for me to be in the same country with you right now, let alone in the same room," Severus declined, his voice tight.
"I survived Azkaban. I think I can handle an unarmed Death Eater," Black replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
He gave his rival a hateful glare, but followed him in the room, anyway.
"Sit," Black ordered, taking Snape's wand at the door.
He sat on that same old loveseat, and proceeded to glare at Black endlessly.
"Just so you know, there's nothing going on between Antonia and me. I'm crazy about her. I think I've always been in love with her, ever since that time we went to the Yule Ball together as students. I bought her the robes. I admit it. Is that the reason that you were ready to kill me?" He said all of this as casually as one might discuss the weather.
"It was insulting," Snape answered, his voice clipped. "You behave as though I cannot provide for my wife and family. And you seem certain that Antonia will leave me for you. That you cannot even respect the vows that she took before the gods does not speak highly of you."
"I go after what I want. That's one thing that spending 13 years in prison taught me. Don't wait for what you want, because it might not be there tomorrow."
Snape nodded sadly. "I understand that. Just as you understand that, not only would I die for her, but I'd kill for her."
"As much as you hate me, though, you know that she's safe when she's with me…"
"I just don't know if she's safe from you," the potions master remarked, his tone bitter.
Black shrugged. "I'd never hurt her. I want her. If she decides to respond, then that's her choice. I'm certainly not going to turn her down… And she'll realize that I'm the right one for her. Sad for you, but true."
He felt
sick. In the last hour, he'd accused
his wife of adultery, nearly killed a man, and was now wondering if she'd be
better off with someone else. Of
course she would, he thought bitterly. Someone else isn't likely to get her killed.
"Just… I need to go. I'm sure my wife is waiting for me." Severus stood up. "I'll just let myself out." He grabbed his wand off the table on his way out the door.
"Don't forget these," Black called out, the robes floating down the hall to Snape.
Cursing, he snatched them out of the air and brought them back up the stairs with him.
He trudged back up to his room, wondering if she was still there. How long would she remain?
He opened the door to their bedchamber and saw shadows cast by the fireplace dancing on the walls. The candles had been snuffed, but the fireplace still had a nice healthy blaze. That alone illuminated the room.
She wasn't in the chairs by the fireplace, nor was she by the table. Had she left him?
He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the rustling of sheets. She hadn't left him, after all.
"Are you coming to bed or not?" she asked, sounding relieved and annoyed at the same time.
"Are you still angry with me?" he asked, tossing the robes on the table. He really wanted to throw them in the fire.
"You accused me of cheating on you. What do you think?" she rebutted. He heard her shuffling things on her nightstand table. "Cremare," the witch instructed.
The room was bathed in the soft light of candles. He would never cease to be amazed at how much lovelier she was under candlelight. "I was… I didn't…" he stuttered feebly. His voice grew stronger and more biting when he spoke again, "You come home with huge bruises and new dress robes after a day out with Sirius Black. What was I supposed to think?"
She tossed back the covers and lifted a candle so that the flickering little flame cast its warm glow over the ugly bruise. "Look at this, Severus. This is a new bruise, and it's right where the chair was against my leg. Oh, and look, it the same shape as the wooden curl on that chair we had sex in this afternoon, too. I can't believe you accuse me of infidelity because you find a bruise acquired from our own romps."
He sighed. "I know. I know what happened and I… You aren't going to make me say it, are you?"
"Yes," she sniffed petulantly.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, snuffing out the candles with his wand.
"Severus, I don't understand why you would think that I would do that? Don't you trust me at all?" she whispered as he slid into bed beside her.
"It's not that I don't trust you…" It's just that I'm not… I'm not Sirius Black, who always gets the girl, he thought.
"Sirius Black can dream about me until Doomsday, for all I care, darling. I don't care for him at all in that way. He is my friend, and he'll never be anything more than that. You know why?"
Severus lay on his back, staring at the dark ceiling. He was silent, but he hoped she'd continue. This better be good, he thought.
She continued, "Because I'm not in love with him. I never have been. I never will be. You're the only one that I've ever been in love with. And I've always been in love with you. I'm not going to throw that away for something stupid, like Sirius not understanding that he can't have any girl that he wants. He can't have me. I'm not willing to be the pretty girl on his arm. I don't want anyone else but you, Severus."
He remained silent, but he wrapped his arms around her. She was nearly asleep when he kissed her temple and whispered, "I love you, Antonia."
He didn't see the tiny smile that spread across her face.
Thanks for reviewing me… w&m_law, Prue Halliwell, Amanita Lestrange, Katie Weasley, Hazle
Lang, Tom Riddilpley, Rushumble,
Whitebears, PotterLovingAsh…
Damn it! Oh, yeah, I almost forgot… The title of this chapter is from Shakespeare.