A/N: See early chaps for disclaimer.
Two chapters in a day. Surprised? I felt the need to put this up simply to get over the happy fest in the last chapter. Honestly, I was rather disgusted, but the Ministry of Magic's Department of Children and Families was threatening to send me to Azkaban if I didn't let the little monsters out of their closet.
Now the ministry is happy, and Matthew and Jonathon can go back to doing homework, smoking crack, or whatever it is that they do when they aren't driving Antonia crazy. And Snape and Antonia can get back to their own lives. I still hope that you'll review both chapters, of course. J
Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten to mention that "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things" came from that damned movie with Julie Andrews and the Nazis. I never can remember what it's called… Oh, yeah. The Sound of Music.
"The Concept of Dread" is filched from Kierkegaard, a Danish existentialist. Brilliant. I highly recommend his work.
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The snow was still heavy on the ground on that February night. Antonia's morning sickness was now gone. Madam Pomfrey had determined that Antonia and Severus's bouncing bundle of joy would arrive around the middle of July.
Slowly but surely, Antonia and Severus's bedchamber was being overwhelmed with baby paraphernalia.
She was curled up in the security of her husband's arms; his large, thin hands were stroking her slightly rounded belly.
"How long until you get big?" Severus asked, his voice filled with wonderment. Her tummy was still nearly flat, and she was still very slender by most standards for non-pregnant women, but that little tiny roundness that had grown was simply breathtaking to him. His child was in there.
"I'm already big," she complained.
"I mean, how long until you walk through the halls and everyone wants to touch our baby? How long until it's very obvious that you're pregnant?"
She smiled. "Soon. Probably by the end of the month, I'll be massive. And if anyone starts trying to paw at my stomach, they will require prompt emergency treatment by Madam Pomfrey."
"How very big will you be? Will you have trouble fitting through doorways?" Honestly, this whole impending parenthood thing was uncharted territory for him.
This time, her laugh was more of a girlish giggle. "No, silly! I mean, I'll get plenty large, I'm sure, and I'll feel like I'm that big, but I won't really be that big…"
He kissed her forehead. "I can't wait."
"You won't find me very attractive when I get to be as big as a house," she grumbled.
"Yes, I will," he insisted, rubbing his hands over her belly, "Because you'll be carrying our child." She sighed and curled up closer against him. "What are we going to name him?" he asked.
"Why are you so certain that it's a boy?" she countered.
He shrugged. "I don't care if we have a boy or a girl. All I know is that we're having a baby."
Antonia smiled gently. "I was thinking about Christiana Nicole for a girl… What do you think?"
"Um, right," he replied, not looking impressed.
"Well, have you any suggestions?" she countered.
"Arsenius?"
She playfully swatted him across the chest. "I'm not naming my child after a poison."
"But Arsenius Jigger…" he protested.
She cut him off. "Was named for arsenic. I don't care how great of a potions master he was. We are not naming my child that."
"What about William?" Severus suggested. "As in your favorite William Shakespeare."
"I wanted to name him Severus, Jr. if we have a boy," she remarked.
"No," Severus answered firmly.
"But why not?" Antonia complained.
"Because one Severus Snape in the halls of Hogwarts is plenty. I'd like my son to be known as more than the potion master's boy."
She sighed softly, reveling in the comfort of her husband's embrace. "Why don't we go to London tomorrow and do more shopping for the baby?" Antonia suggested. She hadn't left the castle in weeks, and she was quite ready to go out and see the world again.
He sighed, a heavy sound filled with his own doubt. She could tell that the idea didn't appeal to him, but she was going stir crazy. She wanted to see adults again. Finally, he spoke. "We'll see," he answered reluctantly.
She lifted one of his hands off of her tummy and kissed his fingertips. "Thank you, darling. I'm just so tired of being in this castle… I mean, you and Sirius don't even want me to go to Hogsmeade…"
"That's for your own protection," he answered, yawning.
She yawned, as well. "Are you ready for bed, darling? I know that I could stand a little sleep…"
He nodded and cast out the candles. "Good night, Antonia," he whispered.
"Good night, Severus. Pleasant dreams," she answered.
They were settled quietly in the darkness when she heard him say, "Antonia? Are you still awake?"
"Mmhmm," she murmured.
"Remember when Black gave you the robes?" She could hear the barely suppressed rage in his voice even now, nearly three months later.
"Mmhmm?" Where was he going with this?
"Black said something when we were in his room arguing… I swear, he made me so angry, I could have killed him…"
"What did he say, darling?" she encouraged sleepily.
"He said… He said that you'd realize eventually that I…" He paused and took a deep breath. "…that I was wrong for you, and you'd leave me for him. 'Sad for you, but true,' was how the cocky bastard put it," he finished resentfully.
Antonia burrowed further beneath the bedclothes. "Sad for Sirius, darling… He lives in a dream world. If he thinks that I'd ever leave you for him or anyone else, he's gone beyond living in a state of denial. He's fucking delusional."
Severus smiled in the darkness as she continued.
"Sirius, Voldemort and his merry band of Death Eaters… They can all cheerfully rot in Hell for all I care. I just want you and our boys and our baby. The rest of the world can burn." She touched his cheek in the darkness. "You're all that I've ever wanted, Severus. And there's nothing in the world that could change that."
"It's almost unbelievable that you would say these things to me," he whispered in the darkness. "It's always been Sirius or James that got the girl. Never me. I never stood a chance when one of those two were involved. I mean, honestly, darling, look at him. And then, look at me." He was sure that she could hear the self-loathing in his voice. The years of being most unwanted, most undesirable… All of those years of coming in behind James and Sirius had worn on him. Yet another reason that James Potter and Sirius Black had never been his favorite people, he supposed.
She shook her head in the blackness of the unlit chamber. Though Snape couldn't see her, she felt her hair drag against his arm. "Severus, your looks, your past, your personality… These things don't make you less desirable. How could it? It's all part of you. And I love every part of you, warts, sneers, greasy bastard and all."
He struggled to swallow as his throat grew tight with unshed tears. "I just find it so very amazing, that someone like you could love someone like me," he mumbled, his voice strangled as hot tears filled his eyes.
"Severus, I'm not that amazing. Honestly, I'm a reformed slut. That you could love me, in spite of everything that I've done…" Her voice broke in the darkness. "That you don't care what I've done, who I've been with… It's the most amazing thing in the world."
"I care," he murmured, stroking her hair, "The thought of anyone else touching you hurts. But I can't blame you. And you know what? I'd kill any of them if they ever approached you again. But I can't frown on you for what you did before me… Not anymore. Just that you're willing to be with me more than makes up for anything else."
He felt the wetness of her tears, warm and salty, scalding his bare chest. "If I had known that I would finally find my way back to you, and you would really love me, none of it would have ever happened. I mean, none of them mattered. They were just something that…" She sniffled and swallowed. "They were like a tourniquet… When I was with one of them, the pain would stop for a while, but once it was over, I felt just as empty and used up as I did before. So, I drank more, I took more lovers… It's amazing that I'm not known as the slut of the wizarding world."
Yes, his wife was known for being careless with her "favors"… After all, Dumbledore himself had felt the need to warn him about the lost one with a face of an angel, known as Antonia, one of the most beautiful witches of their time. How many other women were so beautiful that it had been said that the gods wept with envy? None save for his Antonia
"None of that matters," he whispered, taking one of her hands in his. He drew that tiny white hand to his lips and lovingly kissed her fingertips, one by one. "All that matters is that we've found each other in the end."
Severus and Antonia Snape fell into a deep sleep shortly thereafter, comfortably entwined in the comfort of each other's arms.
* * *
Rap, rap, rap!
Her blue eyes fluttered at the pounding sounds. "Wha?" she mumbled, pulling the covers over her head. Severus lie beside her, still unconscious to the world.
Rap,
rap, rap!
Her eyes flickered to the door, which her sleepy mind had identified as the source of the obnoxious beating. "Wha?" she groaned again, this time rolling herself out of bed. She summoned her dressing gown and was tying the sash around her waist as she opened the door.
"Mum, Uncle Sirius asked me to tell you that there's a friend waiting to see you in his bedchamber, and that he really would like you to hurry," Jonathon said, his words tumbling over itself in a rush.
She sighed. "Didn't you tell him that I really would rather sleep?"
The boy looked up at her with blue eyes much like her own and shrugged.
Antonia shook her head and pushed her tangled blond hair out of her face. "Tell him I'll be up once I'm dressed. And let him know that it had better be good," she said crossly. Antonia then remembered whom her son was delivering a message from. "And appropriate!" she called out to his retreating form as an afterthought.
Nearly an hour later, Antonia was dressed. She wore a loose, billowing set of green velvet robes, a set so baggy she'd be able to wear it the entire time she was pregnant… if not for the infernal heat of the summer. Her hair had at least been brushed, but that was about it. The golden blond locks carelessly tumbled down to her waist, only disturbed from its wild freedom by the witch occasionally tossing it back over her shoulder. Severus was still sleeping.
It was nearly eight-thirty in the morning when Antonia finally knocked on Sirius's door.
The door opened slowly, revealing the tall handsome man by the name of Sirius Black. "You finally made it," he greeted, ushering her in with a huge smile.
"Yes, I'm here. What was so important that you felt the need to send Jonathon down to wake me?" Antonia answered, her voice peckish.
She heard the footsteps of another before she saw.
"Forgive me, dearest, but I was so excited, and I really did want to see you," a familiar, tender voice said oh-so gently. That masculine timbre, a perfect tenor voice.
A smile slowly stretched across her pink lips. "Remus!" she cried, launching herself in direction of the voice. The source of that voice was now in her range of vision, and held his arms open for her.
He swept her up in his arms, spinning her around and laughing. "Look at you!" he remarked, setting her down on her feet. "You look wonderful!"
She beamed up at him, still holding his hands. "Married life has been so very good to me. And Severus and I should have our baby in July," she added, resting one of her hands on that tiny little bulge.
Remus bent down and brushed his lips against her forehead. "I'm glad you're well. I was rather astonished when Padfoot told me that you'd actually married Snape."
"I'm sure he told you about our wedding in the most unflattering terms possible," Antonia replied dryly.
"He did have a few choice words in regards to the bridegroom," Remus admitted.
"I bet." Her voice had grown more brittle over this.
"But, still, you look beautiful," Remus smiled. And she did. There was a rosy blush to her normally alabaster complexion. Her hair was still as flaxen as ever, only now it seemed just as wild and untamable as she. Her breasts had grown fuller, her hips more curvaceous. Antonia's entire appearance had taken on a certain voluptuousness that couldn't be missed. Certainly, she was quite lovely before, but now she resembled some sexual or fertility goddess of lore. Even in the midst of pregnancy, she was beautiful… Perhaps even more so… Of course, the werewolf always did like the very shapely women more than the delicate flower type.
"What brings you back to Hogwarts?" Antonia asked lightly.
He tore his eyes from her more appealing feminine attributes (which were disappointingly well hidden under those so very loose robes) and looked her in the eye. "Dumbledore asked me to come back. The Death Eaters are, apparently, becoming more and more of a threat with each passing day. But being married to Severus, I expect that you would know that…"
She nodded softly, nearly imperceptibly. "Severus worries about me very much. He doesn't like for me to leave the castle. And never am I to leave alone…"
Remus nodded in agreement. "Too right." He was quite surprised that Antonia Delaney… (Antonia Snape, now, he hastily corrected) would allow something of that nature. "I'm pleased that you had the good sense to listen."
"It's not all that much fun," Antonia replied glumly, her soft and kissable lower lip sticking out in a bit of a pout.
Sirius wandered over beside them. "Why don't we all have a seat?" the animagus suggested. He carried an unlit cigarette in his hand.
"Don't you dare smoke that in front of me, Sirius Black," Antonia warned.
He grinned at her. "I wouldn't dare. I plan on doting on that little one, and I won't get to do that if I fall out of your good graces by smoking like a fiend in front of him."
"Damned right," she retorted, setting next to Remus on a sofa. At least with Lupin, she didn't have to worry about being mauled… and he's a werewolf, for Christ's sake! She pulled her pocket watch out and checked the time. "Damn it, it's nearly nine-thirty. Severus is bound to be awake and wondering where on earth I've skipped off to. I've got to get back to our chambers…"
Remus and Sirius both stood as she did. "Would you like me to walk you back?" Lupin offered.
"I'd be more than happy to do it," Sirius offered.
Antonia shot him a glare. Would he ever quit trying to figure ways to maneuver her into bed? "Remus and I will be just fine, thank you," Antonia said, her voice a bit sharper than intended.
Sirius withdrew, a hurt look on his face. She longed to make that sad look go away, but Antonia was no fool. She knew very well that Sirius would take advantage of that opportunity to wiggle his way into her bed. And, quite frankly, Antonia was rather sick of it.
Lupin looked at his old friend and shrugged before he took Antonia's arm. They walked through the empty halls in silence for a good way of the trip. That is, of course, until Antonia spoke.
"I told Severus about that night that you and I spent together," she blurted out.
Remus looked slightly taken aback. "What brought this on?" he asked mildly.
She sighed. "Severus found out about some… some not so great things that I'd done, and he was very angry with me…"
He raised an eyebrow at her and ran one large hand through his salt and pepper gray hair. "So, you decide to make him angrier by telling him of the night that I spent in your bed?"
"No, it's not like that." She bit her lip and looked away before speaking again. "He found out about someone else that I'd… well, that I…" She broke off again. "Shit. What's the best way to put this?" Antonia took a deep breath and said, "Well, you know how very, um, affectionate I get when I've had a bit too much bourbon?"
At that gross understatement, Lupin laughed, not unkindly. "Affectionate? Antonia, I had to pry you off of me!"
She glared at her old friend. "At least you kept your sense when I didn't. Fortunately, Remus, you're a true friend and a true gentleman. You didn't take advantage of the situation and sleep with me."
"No, of course not. You were lost. You were missing David. What else could I do but just hold you and be your friend?" he remarked lightly. As an afterthought, he added, "You were already hurt enough. The last thing that you needed was for someone to take advantage of that and hurt you more. But what does this have to do with Snape?"
Gods, she was so ashamed of this. Antonia was so ashamed of this that she was prepared to never drink again, not even after the baby… since she certainly wasn't going to drink during. "I… Severus found out some things. He accused me of sleeping with you. I felt the need to set him straight and let him know that nothing more had ever happened beyond a kiss."
He smiled down at her. He did care for her very much, but he never felt or understood the need to follow her around and make an ass out of himself over her. While Antonia was prettier than the average witch was, she was also more impatient than the average witch and had her own set of flaws and quirks to deal with. Most importantly, though, Antonia was a good friend. She never held the fact that he was a werewolf against him. "You're a good friend, Antonia. That's all you've ever been. But isn't that enough?"
"I suppose it is," she agreed, pausing in front of her chamber door. She put her hand on the knob and stopped. "Remus?"
"Yes?" He stood still, though he had been ready to make his way back to his friend's chamber.
"Thank you."
The werewolf bestowed her with a warm smile. "Any time."
She opened the door and went in her bedchamber.
Antonia closed the door behind her with a soft click and heard her husband's icy voice.
"Antonia," he began coldly. "How generous of you to finally grace me with your presence."
"I'm sorry. Jonathon woke me up, and I went to visit…"
He cut off her words. "With Black?"
"Originally. Sirius sent Jonathon down to fetch me. So, I went. Is that so very terrible?"
"Yes!" Snape snarled. "You're my wife! You're having my baby! And that bastard still won't stop chasing after you! I see the way he still looks at you! I know who sent you the christening gown! I know who sent you the pram! I've seen the little rattles that you keep bringing in and putting in your drawers! And I know who keeps giving you all of these things for our baby! It's him, right? It's that bastard Black, who can't forget about my wife, but can conveniently forget that she is married to me!"
"Damn you, Severus! Are you ever going to trust me, or are you going to accuse me of cheating on you until the end of time? Just because you no longer find me attractive doesn't mean that no one else does! I appreciate that Sirius will still acknowledge me. And you! You don't even touch me anymore!"
She stomped past him and headed for the shower. "By the way, I didn't visit with Sirius. Remus Lupin is back, and Sirius thought that I'd like to see him." Antonia then slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.
Severus, however, was left alone in their bedchamber with his thoughts. I blew it, he realized. I've gone and made an ass out of myself and completely pissed her off. Now I've got to try to fix it. Why does this responsibility always fall on the man?
"Antonia?" he called out. In response, he heard the shower running. The potions master sighed, so very annoyed. Damn, he was tired of getting everything wrong with his wife. He doesn't want to hurt her somehow equals out to he doesn't want her. Damn. He'd never understand women.
Finally, he opened the bathroom, only to nearly be knocked over by a wave of steam. "Antonia, what would make you think that I don't want you?" he asked quietly.
"Only the fact that we haven't… that you don't… You haven't touched me since the baby, Severus. You haven't wanted me since Christmas," she sniffled.
Severus sighed. "Dumbledore warned me that you'd be moody or something… This has got to be the damned hormone thing," he mumbled. The potions master in him found himself wondering if there could possibly be a potion made to counteract that. His voice grew stronger when he said to her, "It's not that I don't want you. God, I'd be miserable without you. It's that I don't want to hurt you. Since we've… Since we've not made love, you no longer are covered with bruises. Do you know how I'd feel if I hurt you or the baby? How lost I'd be without either one of you?"
She popped her head out, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Who are you? And what have you done with my husband?" she demanded. She glanced for a second, determining that it really was Severus, and not some brat with a polyjuice potion. Antonia then pulled her head back in the shower.
Severus rolled his eyes. Yes, he was perfectly irritated. But at the same time, that speech that he'd just given her nearly made him feel ill.
Antonia poked her wet face around the curtain again. "I'm sorry I screamed at you," she said, wiping away a mixture of tears and shower away from her eyes.
"So am I," he answered.
His wife just glared at him.
"So, you said you wanted to go to London?" he suggested, against his better judgment.
A smile slowly stretched across her face. That smile almost made him not want to kick himself so badly. Almost.
"How soon do you want to leave?" Antonia answered eagerly. "If you'd feel better about it, we could bring someone else with us," she offered.
He could tell by the look on her face that she'd offer to go with Satan himself, if it would get her out of the castle. "We'll be fine," he said in what he hoped was a confident voice. He certainly had his doubts to the contrary.
It seemed that it was all too soon that his wife was bundled up in her traveling robes and wearing her heavy cloak.
She smiled up at her husband, touching his greasy hair. Of course, Snape had just washed it the night before, but here it was, nearly noon, and it was oily again. Apparently, Antonia had accurately decided that his hair was oily, and that was that. For that, Severus was thankful. "Are you ready?" she asked, her voice filled with eagerness.
He wanted to scream that they couldn't possibly go to London, that the Dark Lord was about. He wanted to tell her that it was too cold. He wanted to tell her something, anything that would mean that they weren't going to London. Instead, he looked into her blue eyes and saw how much she wanted to go out. "Let's go," he heard himself say.
If anyone else had asked, he would have denied it. But, the fact of the matter was, he was absolutely terrified. He was no seer, though. We'll leave that nonsense to Sybil, he thought mockingly as he wrapped one arm around his wife's waist.
The trip to Hogsmeade felt like it went in slow motion. They flew the broomstick close to the ground to avoid some of the bitterest breezes, and let the broom go as fast as possible. They'd decided to apparate from the village to London, with great care taken on Antonia's part, since pregnant women had been known to splinch themselves, leaving their unborn children behind.
When they landed at The Three Broomsticks, Severus stashed their shared broom in the broom shed.
Antonia shivered against the cold, and he wrapped his arms around her.
"I want you to go first," Severus insisted. If she should splinch, at least I'll still be here to fix it.
She nodded and apparated with a pop! No parts of Antonia Snape lingered behind in Hogsmeade. Severus apparated and found himself standing beside his wife in Diagon Alley. "Are you okay?" he asked.
She gave him a sort of irritated smile and shook her head. "Severus, I'm a big girl. I promise that I won't break."
"So, I worry," he said, wrapping his arm around her as they walked. "Would you like to go for lunch?" Severus suggested. He really wanted to get her some place warm.
"That's fine," she agreed. Antonia looked around, drinking in the sights. Something different to look at, at last.
Severus opened the door to The Flaming Dragon, one of the nicer restaurants of Diagon Alley, and motioned for her to go through. He specifically requested that the maitre 'd put them in a table in the back, but not in a corner.
Antonia thought that this was unusual, but let it go. It's your first day out in months, Antonia. Don't start some stupid argument and blow it.
"Severus, what's wrong, darling?" she asked.
He sneered. "What makes you think there's a problem. It's a frigid day and we're in Diagon Alley."
Antonia's shoulders sagged and her smiled faded. "We can go back to the school if you'd like, Severus," she offered quietly. Where was the fun in being out if Severus was going to be so very unhappy about it?
"No," he answered a bit too quickly.
"Really, Severus, if you don't want to be here, then we'll do it another day," she suggested. It really wasn't worth the argument. She just wanted a peaceful day out with her husband.
When she saw him clutch his left forearm and his face pale, she knew that it was not to be. "I've been called, Antonia. I want you to apparate home and go straight back to Hogwarts. Go to Black and Lupin, and don't leave their room for anything." He then kissed her good-bye and ordered her to disapparate.
"I love you, Severus," she whispered. Antonia then disapparated.
She opened her eyes and found herself back in the village of Hogsmeade. The snow whirled around her like a blizzard was setting in. She fought against the wind and struggled to make it to the broom shed when she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist, painfully lifting her from her feet.
She yelped as she felt that strong arm pull her against a hard chest. "Let me go!" she screamed. But her words were lost, carried away by the bitter wind.
Antonia looked up and saw who held her in his arms and bit back a cry of terror.
"Hello, Antonia," that nearly forgotten voice greeted coldly.
"Lucius…"