Just playing with my heart...
Second
chapter is Harry's POV:
Well, here
I'm sitting on the train heading Hogsmeade. I can't believe I did that! It
wasn't a good idea at all! What was I thinking?
She hates
me, I can tell… and now, now I know why.
"I am such
a fool!" I shout out, not really acknowledging the fact that Ron and Hermione
are both there- immersed in a game of exploding Snap.
"Sometimes
that is true!" Ron says, snickering "What's up Harry?"
"Nothing
Ron," I say, trying to dismiss the thought with a shake of my head "I was just
thinking about.."
"GINNY"
Both Ron and Hermione said at the same time, in an exasperated tone.
I hate it
when they are right. How could I tell Ginny that I loved her like my own
sister? Stupid idiot.
This last
year without her had been killing me.
I missed
her… Her pretty smile, the way her eyes light up when she laughs, her beautiful
hair fiery red hair… STOP IT POTTER.
It's those thoughts that got you into this situation in the first place. I
never really loved her as my sister, it was always something more.
In my 6th
year, when she told us she was lonely, I was really shocked. I mean, I never
imagined that most of the student body avoided her because of the Chamber of
Secrets incident.
So we got
closer… and we had so much fun. She made me forget Cho… I loved her for her
friendship…
And when we
were together everything was so right, so perfect.
I remember
the day these things changed…
---Flashback
I was
sitting in my dorm starting to write a letter to my Godfather, Sirius. But Dean
and Seasmus opened the door, making me quickly hide the parchment and ink. They
were talking about girls, like they usually do. But this conversation had been
different than most.
Suddenly
Dean had said, "Do you know who, in my opinion, is the most beautiful girl at
Hogwarts?"
"No, but
you're going to tell me" Seamus said, laughing heartily.
"Ginny
Weasley" He said, with a nod of his head.
"Yeah she
is really cute" Seamus said, thoughtfully, his eyes half-glazed.. "It really is
such a pity that she's Ron's little sister!" He said, shaking his head sadly.
I was
shocked. I think that's when I started thinking. It's when I realized that I
never saw her as a little girl. And for the first time in my life, I realised
that Ginny was truly gorgeous. But I was supposed to be her friend. Friends
don't think like that.
I quickly buried myself in the letter writing,
trying to forget Ginny and what Dean and Seamus had said
---End
Flashback
But ever
since that day, I saw her in a whole new light. I watched her with more
interest. I started memorizing her face, and her body, even if I kept telling
myself that I didn't love her in that
way. I was covered in lies. Every day I would tell myself that it was just
Ginny. Ginny, Ron's little sister, I would say, forcing my brain to complete my
half-hearted homework. I tried and tried to get the idea of Ginny and me out of
my head, gone, ridden. I imprisoned it in the very back of my heart. And last,
but not least, I told myself that she was just like my sister. Eventually I
started to believe myself.
---Flashback:
One day we
sat at the Gryffindor table. Just Ginny and me. We had a great time, sitting
there, laughing, telling jokes, and eating.
Suddenly Sarah, the new Ravenclaw seeker,
came up and asked me to the ball.
I didn't
want to go with Sarah, but I didn't know who else I could ask. I mean, I knew
that I wanted to go with Ginny, but what would she think of me? Would she think
it would be some sort of pity call on her, or that I was just doing it because
Ron asked me.
So I told Sarah "Oh Sarah" I gasped more out
of disappointment then out of joy "that would be great!"
Yet I felt really bad. Then I did something I
would never forgive myself for: I grinned like an idiot and worse: I blushed. I
didn't know why, but I did. I just wanted Sarah to leave us alone.
"Ginny, I`
m doing this out of pity, you know that?" I asked her. I didn't know why I was
telling her that. But it seemed important, never the less. However, she wasn't
listening. "Sarah has just broken up with her boyfriend and so…" I just stopped
talking. And she, she pretended not to listen.
After
dinner, Ginny disappeared as if she couldn't stand to be near me. She didn't
show herself in the common room that evening.
I wanted to go after her but Ron and Hermione
told me that Ginny probably just needed some time for herself, so, I believed
them.
The following day Ginny told us that she was
going to the ball with Colin.
I felt like
someone had cursed me with the crucio spell.
I felt like
that even as I heard myself saying: "Oh that's wonderful! I'm sure you'll have
a blast!"
The ball was horrible. Watching Ginny with
Colin just made me feel ill.
Something
in my brain told me that I was jealous, but an evil voice told me `Harry she is Ron's sister. It wouldn't be
right… she is like your own family.. You can't like her in that way`
---End
flashback
Yet I know
that my voice was wrong. And I just didn't have enough courage to tell her how
I felt.
And when Colin came up to us and asked her
for a walk, I heard myself saying. "Oh! Somebody has a crush on my little.."
And then I realised just what I was about to say. I had been about to utter: `my little girlfriend`.
Instead, I
spoke those words that I told myself every minute of every day for the past
year. "Somebody has a crush on my little sister!"
I was caught in the middle of an evil
situation. I wasn't prepared to tell her about my true feelings, so I told her
the most stupid thing I ever told anybody. The thing I hate myself for.--I told
her that I love her like a sister.
Now I know
what I have to do. And I will tell her! Even if she tells me that she loves
Colin. I will and there is nothing she can do to stop me.
"HARRY,
come on. In a few minutes we arrive Hogsmeade!" Hermione said, cutting into my thoughts.
"Oh sure,
coming" I whispered.
She had
never talked to me again. With that one sentence I had ruined everything. I had
lost her and I had lost myself.
I hated myself!
While I
walk up to the castle, I can remember every little walk Ginny and I used to
take. The things we would laugh about, the smiled she had- just for me, the way
she used to run to the lake, to collapse by a tree.
"Harry,
just believe us, everything will be all right! She'll talk to you." Said a
sudden voice cutting through my thoughts
"Oh, I
really hope so Hermione." I said, still a little unconvinced.
"And
Harry?"
"Yeah,
'Mione?"
"Don't
forget to mention that you love her in more than a brotherly fashion!"
Oh, I will
say that part! It will be the main part of my little 'speech.' I hope that she
will return the same feelings I have for her! I hope that she doesn't love that
incredible git Colin. I hate him.
Finally we
arrived at Hogwarts. There are so many people who want to talk to me. I walk
around, hugging some people, shaking hands and make small talk. Yet my eyes
still wander. I know what they are searching for. They are looking for a
beautiful redhead named Ginny.
There she
is! She's coming into the room, but she looks only at the floor. She's so
beautiful, standing there, with her eyes downcasted. I have to go before I
loose my courage again. I get up from the table.
"Good luck"
Hermione and Ron both whispered as I cross the room. I feel my face light up
into a small smile.
"Hi Ginny"
I hear myself say, almost a bit shyly.
"Oh … hi"
She whispered in a way so I can barely hear her.
"I really
have missed you during this last year" `Good
Potter! Way to go.`
"I kind of
miss you too." She admits. I can't believe it; perhaps it means she likes me!
And then it happened. I grinned for the first
time in the last year. A real grin.
"That's
good to hear Gin! Um… can we talk later?" This sentence cost me all the courage
I had. She winced, I can see her pain, her fear. It hurts me… but then I hear
her say
"Oh… Sure
Harry, no problem!"
I walk away
as if I'm walking on clouds.
During the
ceremony she looks so incredibly worried. But I'm relieved she will talk to me.
´Wow, maybe my luck's about to change`. The
last speech has just ended. Five
minutes and then she will know, she will understand, how I feel.
A/N: First
I want to thank my beta reader: ~*Ginny*~, who had make a really good job. Then
I want to thank everybody who
reviewed my first chapter. I enjoyed reading them. The
next part will take time because I have three different versions
of chapter number 3 in
my mind. So I have to make a hard
decision.
Disclaimer:
Every character belongs to J.K. Rowling. I don't own them.