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Mario, in the meantime, was having problems of his own. He hated heights, and stayed glued to his end of the room, frozen. When some two hours passed, he loosened up and began to nervously pace within one foot of the wall.
"Think, man. Think! How am I going to get out of this? He looked at the room for the 20th time. No windows, no doors, no escape. Just that deep, dark hole that would seem to swallow him up at any minute.
He yelled at the ceiling, "I don't know why you're doing this, Bowser. But it's got to stop!" No answer. "Here," he said submittingly. "Here's 10 bucks. Will that do the trick?" Still not answer. Mario rose his voice. "How am I supposed to get out of this, huh? Give me a hint or something?" His voice echoed through the chamber. The silence was too much to bear. Mario exploded.
"This is all your fault, Luigi!!" Mario shouted loudly to the ceiling. He had lost all patience and had finally snapped. Now he only paused for breaths.
"Yeah that's right! You heard me!! You poop-laden, anorexic, taco bell dog eatin', ergonomically shaped for a butt whoopin', wishin'-you-were-from-the-ghetto, stinky head booger flinger*!!"
No sooner had the vulgar words left his mouth, than the floor started to move again.
"Aahh!" Mario screamed and raced to the wall, immobilizing himself with fright. He closed his eyes tight, not wanting to see the ever growing hole. All at once, the gears stopped, and Mario opened his eyes, wishing he hadn't.
He had a foot and a half of floor space left.
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Peach sat on the floor, stricken. She was still trying to calm down, and was waiting. Waiting for the next day, when Bowser would come and carry her off to get hitched. Then he would rule and ruin her beautiful kingdom, and Mario and Luigi wouldn't be there to stop it. She lifted her and looked around, thinking.
"Where are those two, anyway?" She frowned, trying to understand what Bowser's other objective was.
Glancing at the chamber quickly, she noticed a large metal grate near the ceiling, and spotted the hole where the spiders had come from. She reached in a fold of her glamorous dress, and pulled out a rubber ball. "Just the right size," she smiled with satisfaction.
She crept carefully to the hole, slowly reached out her hand, and shoved the ball in hard. She kicked it in deeper with her heel, and the hole was sealed. Looking both ways, she reached into her dress again, and pulled out an invisible rope. Don't ask ME why she's got all this stuff. She finished her work and turned around and shouted.
"I hate you, Bowser! You're the most disgusting, pig-headed, freakish, snot-faced, smelly turtle mutant I've ever seen!!" She paused. "Not to mention the only one!" Then she waited.
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Bowser, in his own surveillance room, was watching and hearing his victims with evil delight. Not much interesting was happening, so after a while he kicked back and ate some munchies. His attention was averted to the camera showing the Princess, when she bent down close to the spider hole and made crazy actions near the far end of the room, like she was jumping to reach something.
He listened to her outburst, and soda shot from his mouth in a graceful fountain. Smelly? He growled indignantly to himself. His reptilian eyes narrowed to slits. Sounds like the royal brat needs another lesson in Fear 101. Bowser pushed a button on the control panel.
He watched as the lights went out, and waited to hear Peach's screams. All he heard was a noise like stomping. Then Peach started screaming again.
"Make it stop!" he heard her say.
Bowser smiled a smile of Satan himself, then pushed another button and spoke into the microphone.
"Just thought I'd let you know that I heard what you said," he grinned smugly. "And if you do anything like that again, I'll kill the Mario bros. now. Are we understood?"
He heard a crash, and then it was silent. Bowser roared, "Are we understood??" Confused, Bowser switched on the light. What he saw turned his face into a surprised sneer.
No Princess. No spiders. Only a rubber ball where the hole used to be, and a metal grate lying on the floor. He roared in anger as the power to his control center went out.
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Mario was still stuck to his wall. He didn't move for a long time. His nerves were so wrought and his muscles so tired he didn't know how much longer he could stay on his feet. He was a wreck. He kept on imagining that his foot would slip, and then there would be one less plumber in the world. He tried to shake his thoughts and think of other things. He spoke nervously to himself.
"Just think of you and Luigi and Peach, happy, at her beach house----" Mario stopped. "Luigi," he simply said. "I guess I over-reacted….when I called you those things. I'm just…..so ...mad." He frowned, and looked at the ceiling then down at the pit. Then he yelled, "This isn't Luigi's fault! This is all your doing, Koopa! Your such a smelly, awful, rude, reptile!! If you think you're so tough, come on down here and show me what you've got!!"
Mario should nooooot have said that, because the floor began to move again, removing 6 inches, then stopped. Mario had one foot left of space. He clung to the wall and cried out, unable to not look at the gaping chasm before. He felt himself lose his balance. This is it, he thought in horror. I am going to die!!"
Something hit him in the head, and he fell forward. His hands reached out to empty space,....……and caught a rope!
"Aaaaahhh!!" He grabbed it tightly as he swung back to what remained of the floor. He gasped and caught his breath, still clinging to the rope for balance. Looking up, he saw Peach's head sticking out from a large air vent 6 feet above his head.
"I agree," she nodded enthusiastically. "Koopa is quite the menace."
Mario could have fainted. "Thanks f-for the rope," he managed quietly. "But next time, c-c-ould you warn me when you're going to s-save me?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. And hey, if you feel the need to leave, just climb the rope. It's not going anywhere."
"J-j-just let me, catch m-my breath…" Mario answered shakily.
"Sure thing," said Peach happily.
Some minutes later, Mario was safe in the large air vent, catching his breath again.
"Man, you need to work out or something," joked Peach. "Hey," snapped Mario. "My weight and exercise is none of your busin---" Peach clapped a hand over his mouth. "Shhh." She hissed. "He might hear you." Mario was utterly confused, but submitted. "Sorry about what I said. You're right, it's none of my business," whispered Peach. "I'm not sure why yet, but we have to stay positive. Like what Bowser said: Stay friendly."
Mario shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever," he said. "First things first: we need to find Luigi."
"Yes, we do," affirmed Peach fearfully. "Good thing I found you…just in time." She stopped.
"Is there something I don't know?" asked Mario worriedly. Peach sighed and tried to find the right words.
"Bowser put us all through what you went through…only, different. He knows our fears, Mario. Our phobias. He did this so he could take the Mushroom World, and you two would be dead, only in an 'interesting' way."
"Well, if you see him, let him know that death by heights is not the way I wanna go," grumbled Mario.
"If you think that's bad, try spiders in the dark!" Peach shivered involuntarily.
What about death by chocolate?
(I'm thinking of something, Peach. Guess what it is. Small, yet annoying....)
Oh, fine. Commence if you must.
"Phobias, who needs 'em?" Mario stopped and a scared expression crossed his face. "We have to find Luigi," hurried Mario, as they set out in search of the missing plumber. Hey, that sounds like the title of another fanfic. Hmmm….
(Oh, no you don't! Don't you get anymore ideas! I'd be surprised if we even survive this one…)
That's for me to know and you to find out, bucko…
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*Author's Note: I did not make up that oh-so-funny-and-yet-so-mean name Mario used to refer to Luigi. The credit goes to my brother's friend, G.*
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