Hey,
for the benefit of those who haven't read part two of this fic (written by my
pal Geneviève, not me), you may want to go and read it.Be warned, this fic
contains an event similar to a school shooting, please do not read this fic if
this is an issue. Thankyou.
Thanks
to those of you who have reviewed this series, and to those of you who have
read my fics before, the final chapter of Suffer so alone will be out soon.
*****
Sora
awoke with a start, her eyes snapping open and her face resembling the proverbial
Deer in the headlights, thoughts streaming through her sleep dulled mind as she
tried to gather what was going on. She took in her surroundings, and after
several seconds relaxed and sighed, lulling back into the soft bedding.
She
closed her eyes and smiled, feeling her racing heart thumping in her chest,
letting it slow as she let relief wash over her. Nightmares had been plaguing
her dreams since Steve became a permanent fixture in her life, there was so
much uncertainty and her worst fear was that her one last rock would fall to
the sands.
She
shuffled over onto her side and opened her eyes. He was still there, sleeping
peacefully, his hair a wild and contrasting mess on the plain white pillow, his
face relaxed and soft. Sora sighed with momentary contentment and carefully
moved in closer to him, not too close as to wake him, but close enough so that
she felt secure, his presence made all the horrible things in her life seem
conquerable.
*****
Sora
sighed sleepily and rolled over, her eyes heavy with sleep, her mind and body
content and relaxed. She yawned and opened her eyes slightly to look at the
glowing green digits on the bedside clock.
8.14
She had
dozed off. Not that it mattered of course, it was Sunday, and since her mothers
flower shop was now nothing more than a memory and Steve paid their way nicely
she had no need to work, and so was obligated to do nothing. If it had been her
choice she would have spent every moment with Izzy, he was the only one she
felt truly comfortable around, the only person who didn't judge her and the
only one who was on her level.
Without
lifting her head from the pillow she cast an eye around the room searching for
him. She hoped he hadn't had to work today. Last night had been typical. Her
mother and her had had a disagreement, Steve had stood by making a biased
comment every now and again until Sora had given up on them, they were such a
'team'. Angered and humiliated she had done what she had so many times. She had
hurried through the raging winter night to Izzy's apartment, rapped on his door
and waited there soaked and crying. A short while later he had appeared at the
door, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt, dark circles under his eyes and his hair
messed around. But he was not angry. Seeing him had reduced her to a forlorn
damsel-in-distress type figure, and he had silently led her out of the cold and
into the apartment where she had collapsed sobbing on the carpeted floor, and
he had guided her down and held her, getting soaked from her wet clothes but not
minding, and she had allowed all her emotions to flood out, relieved to be in
his presence.
She
looked at him affectionately again and closed her eyes.
Sora
awoke some time later, feeling more fatigued and heavy lidded than earlier. Her
late night escapade had left her sapped of energy, and she could barely keep
her eyes open.
8.43
It had
only been half an hour luckily. Despite her heavy and uncooperative head, she
looked over next to her where he had been sleeping, but saw he was gone. She
shuffled up to a sitting position and yawned, then looked around. She saw him
sitting by his computer, coffee in hand as always, checking email and killing
time before he had to leave. Sora stretched and yawned again, making him turn
his head to smile at her.
He looked
very tired.
She
knew what he had to live up to to keep his meagre self-confidence up over zero.
Memories of test results flashed through her mind, the one time when he had
been beaten by someone else in the class, the 'Oooohh…lost it eh? Haha you must
suck at this subject…why don't you ask him for some advice' from the
intellectual lightweights in the class had rained down thick and fast. It was
that dull spite that spilled from those poorly academically inclined that Sora
knew hurt Izzy, In his mind all he had were test marks, and when he didn't
excel at them it seemed to him as if he was not special in any way.
They
had exams in two months time, but she knew he had started study weeks ago,
putting in hours per night over his normal homework time, and it was taking its
toll. He had lost weight she noticed, plainly due to the combination of his
constant hard work, self-distaste, and from the constant worry that plagued him
about other people, which at times resulted in him disappearing into the bathroom
before they left the apartment, to emerge shortly wiping his mouth and shaking.
She had consoled him one time, and it had been like nothing she had experienced
before. He had been clammy to touch, jittery and had clutched onto her
desperately as she soothed him.
A tear
pricked the corner of her eye as she thought about that moment and how much it
hurt her for him to be that way, to live his life in chronic fear of others.
Looking
at him smiling bravely at her filled her heart with love, she wanted to hug him
close and make him feel better as he always did for her without fail, but he
was standing and collecting his backpack, making it apparent he was about to
leave for work.
She
checked the time and realised he would be working a long day today, from 9
until 6. Nine hours in his state. She felt worried for him, but he came over
and sat next to her, pulling on the shoulder straps of his backpack like he
always did when he was nervous.
She
leaned forward and hugged him, and he did so back, clutching her tightly, she
felt his body relax when he put his arms around her, and it made her feel
better she could do that for him.
"Feeling
better this morning?" He asked softly
"Yes..thank..thanks
for being there as always"
"Not a
problem"
He let
go and she realised her hold on him, and he stood up.
"Well,
I better go now"
"Ok,
have fun" She said affectionately, and he smiled and left. She watched him as
he left, his short stature and fiery head giving him the impression of some of
the skaters she saw occasionally in town, despite his plain, boring work
clothes. That always made her smile.
Although
she always felt somewhat guilty, she stayed in his bed watching tv for a couple
of hours, then got up, showered and went into the kitchen. His parents were
away as always, their jobs resulted in them travelling more than they were
home, so she seldom saw them. Despite this she was very close to them, she felt
closer to them than to her own mother, and they felt likewise. On the weekends
they were home and when she had been sleeping there, she had showered and
breakfasted there without feeling out of place in the slightest, Izzy's mother
Yasashii (A/N:I don't know if that works but it sounds right) always greeted
her on these occasions with a hug, and the two openly talked while they
breakfasted, it made no difference whether Izzy was there or not, he worked
every Sunday so the latter was the more common occurrence. Often the two of
them walked together into town and did what mothers and daughters normally did,
but Sora was more comfortable doing it with Yasashii than her own mother. She
was like a daughter to them, and they were so giving it made her feel so good
to be with them. She almost wished she was formally a part of their family, but
the situation held more advantages, she and Izzy would never be as close as
they were if she was an Izumi.
The
kitchen was perfect, the only dish being the coffee cup Izzy had used that
morning. No matter how long he had to work, he always tidied the house before
he left, Sora had tried telling him to let her do it, but he had smiled and
given a completely false Ok. She smiled and got a cup out, she had never liked
coffee before, but it was impossible to avoid it with Izzy, he seemed to live
on it, and she had grown to like it almost as much.
Sora
sighed and glanced out the window. It was raining as usual, a soft rain which
fell from a grey sky which covered the city. She flicked channels aimlessly,
there was nothing on and she wished Izzy would get home, it was quarter past
six so with luck he had finished and was on his way.
A key
rattled in the lock and Sora looked up from the magazine she was reading
7.10
She
stood up and turned to see a sight which melted her heart. Izzy was struggling
with the door lock, soaked from head to toe and looking extremely tired and run
down. He had his heavy backpack on which pulled his back down, and clutched in
his shaking hands were two plastic bags. He had bought dinner for them.
She
walked over to him as he fought with the key, and took the bags. He looked up
her, his frown fading to a tired smile, and unravelled the bag handles from
around his scarred wrists so she could take them.
She
took the food to the kitchen and turned to him, standing there pulling the
straps of his backpack from his shoulders, soaked.
He was
so caring. Despite nine hours of work, all the pressures he faced and horrible
weather, he had still thought to get dinner for her, out of his meagre wages.
"Busy
day?"
"Eghhhh…don't
ask, we didn't finish until quarter to seven we got so far behind" He replied
softly, hauling his backpack of his bag and dumping it to the ground.
"I'll
go have a shower, you can start if you want" He motioned towards the food, and
then moved past her, giving her shoulder a squeeze in the process, to the
bathroom.
Izzy
awoke with a start at the harsh ring of the alarm, and swiped at the bedside
table. The buzzing ceased and was replaced with the drone of the radio
announcer
"And
once again today will be overcast with light showers turning to heavy rain
later tonight.."
He
sighed and yawned. Sora groaned slightly and rolled over.
"Morning"
"What
time is it?" She replied, her voice drugged with sleep
"7"
"I
don't want to get up"
"Welcome
to the fold" Izzy replied flatly, rubbing his temples and yawning at the same
time, his brow knotted at the thought of having to face yet another school day.
Although
the curtains were closed, the light that lay behind them was lax and grey,
mimicking the faceless weatherman's prediction. Monday, grey and flat.
They
lay there for several further minutes, Sora dozed off, but Izzy lay still with
his eyes closed, trying to gain the momentum to face the world, when all he
wanted to do was stay where he was, with the one he loved and who felt
likewise, and away from the cruel teenage society which plagued him so. Like
every morning, like every Monday morning in particular, he contemplated staying
where he was and calling the school to say he was sick, but even while doing so
he knew it would never happen, despite his fears the fear of failure and
falling behind still stood paramount.
7.10
He
yawned again, and leaving Sora where she was, solemnly climbed out of bed and
stumbled to the bathroom, collecting his uniform on the way. While he waited
for the showers stream to heat up, he studied his face in the mirror. It had
thinned, his cheek bones were protruding more than they had, his eyes were more
sunken and heavier set, his forehead and eyebrows knotted closer in more of a
frown, and he looked vacant and worried. He sighed and shook his head, he
wished it were the holidays. They were days of bliss, where he awoke at 7
o'clock without fail, but shortly after with the realisation he didn't have to
go anywhere. That was the best feeing in the world to him. To initially dread
the school day, then to realise it didn't exist that day.
A short
time later he emerged from the bathroom, feeling far less tired and slightly
more capable of facing the day than earlier, and headed for the kitchen. He did
what he always did when he awoke with Sora on a school day. He made breakfast
for the two of them, then carried it into his room where Sora lay asleep. He
put the tray down on his desk, and then knelt down by his bed, in front of his
girlfriends sleeping face. He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips,
and she stirred, then opened her eyes. She pulled back in shock, then realising
what was going on, smiled and stretched.
"What a
nice surprise, to be awakened by my prince charming"
Izzy
rolled his eyes and stood up to bring the tray over, Sora pulled cliché lines
like that to annoy him, he hated that whole gushy love thing. He had received
more than one bruised eye or rib from giving pathetic teen-lovesick couples
scornful looks, because by his luck the dim jock usually giving out the love
crap to his equally dim and without fail, slutty girlfriend saw him mal-eyeing
them and gave chase.
He put
the tray down on the bedside table on Sora's side of the bed and sat down next
to her, standing up momentarily while she shuffled round into a sitting
position, then leaving her side to retrieve the tv remote which inevitably
found its way halfway across the room by who knows what means.
Flicking
the tv on, he took the coffee Sora was handing him, and then turned to the
news.
"Another
massacre has claimed the lives of 11 school children, the gunman was believed
to be.."
"Eghh,
another shooting, whats wrong with our society" Sora passively mused whilst
struggling with the bed covers, and causing Izzy to bite his tongue. Everyone
was too frightened of the subject to even talk about it, and although Izzy
understood why, he couldn't help thinking about the reason why it happened. So
many of the other students at his school were so engrossed in themselves that
as a result they made life a misery for many others. Izzy shivered and
inadvertently glanced down at his wrists, which bore grim reminders of the
power that one individual can exert over another.
"Change
the channel, this news is depressing"
The two
walked together silently along the slick pavement, Sora shivering and pulling
her jacket tighter around herself, Izzy keeping his eyes trained at the
pavement, lost in thought as always.
"When
is this weather going to let up.." Sora motioned, attempting to make
conversation as thunder rumbled way off in the distance
"Hmm?"
"I was
just wondering when this rains going to let up, its been like this for weeks
now..it gets depressing"
"It
does" Izzy replied flatly, still partly lost in thought as they got closer to
the schools entrance.
"Well,
here we are…another day" Sora sighed as they passed into the school grounds,
past one of the main buildings where groups of students were standing,
sheltering from the rain.
The
ambient noise of the school and the city was shattered as a series of shots
blasted to Sora's ears, and instinctively she dived for the ground, sheltering
her head with her hands as panic induced instinct took over. Everywhere around
her, screams pierced the air, shouts of fear rang out, and still the shots
continued, thudding into her, making her shake with panic as they came one
after another.
Eventually
they stopped, and the air was filled with the groans and crying of people in
pain, people in shock. Her mind raced, feeling for pain over her body, and
finding none, allowing her to raise her head slightly to look around.
Izzy
lay slumped next to her, his backpack facing her and blocking a clear view.
Still shaking from the shock, she motioned towards him, tugging on the arm of
his jacket gently, as if trying to get his attention without anyone else
noticing.
She
kept pulling on his sleeve for several seconds until her mind cleared enough to
hear his breathing. It was rasped and shallow, sounding like it pained to do
so.
She
moved closer to him, looking around nervously, seeing scared students looking,
some motioning, to the gate behind her.
It
wasn't a student
Flashed
through her mind.
She
shuffled onto her knees, and pulled Izzy over to her, and her heart froze when
she saw the concrete beneath him.
It was
stained red, its slick surface streaked with sickly strands in the space where
Izzy was doubled over, his eyes half closed with pain and shocked
concentration.
Sora
gagged and pulled him up to an almost sitting position. He made a pained gasp
as she did so, and his hand waved towards his white shirt, which was wet and
bloodied. With a mixture of horror and instinct, Sora moved her hand to the
blood, then raised her hand to her face, her eyes petrified as she stared at
it.
Her
fingers were plastered with the blood, strands of it running down her arm as
the rain fell.
She
pulled him closer to herself as she began to realise what had happened.
"He.Hel"
She tried to force a choked help, but it stuck in her throat and she gagged.
Izzy
was dying.
It hit
her. She dropped her hands back to his chest and clutched him to her kneeling
form, her shocked gags turning to sobs, her head dropping to be close to his.
His
breathing was harsher, his face contorted with pain with every intake. His brow
was furrowed in pain, and his black eyes began to drift and glaze. She clutched
him tighter as the sobs racked her body.
And
then as his blood ran down his chest, covering her hands as she held him, he
coughed violently, choked with blood as his body fell apart from the wound, but
he gathered the last of his strength, and forced his head back.
Sora
saw his movement through her tears, and focused on his face, with was beaded
with rain and sweat, and shaking as he forced breaths into himself.
"Sor..Sora..I..i
lov…"
As the
rain fell silently, Izzy died in Sora's arms, his last words unable to escape
him, as his blood collected around them, and Sora painfully pulled him tighter,
clutching him to her now shivering figure. Off in the distance thunder rolled,
as Koushiro's pained life was torn from him and he died in the arms of the one
who had always been there for him when the rain had fallen before.
*****