The dial tones buzzes in my ears for a few seconds.
"Is he coming home? Where is he? Let me talk to him…" I vaguely hear Mimi's voice but feel her tug at my arm for the phone. I hand it over to her, walk across the small room and grab my guitar and begin strumming chords. "Roger, he hung up. Roger… ROGER!" I look up at her finally.
"Fuck him, that is all I have to say. I don't want to talk about it anymore." I look back down at the guitar and pretend to concentrate, but really I am thinking about his last words to me, 'if you need something, just call, ok?' I was under the impression that was what I was doing. Mimi comes over sits down next to me.
"Where is he?" When I don't answer her she continues, "Roger, he is my friend too, and I deserve to know where he is."
"He's not your friend… he's none of our friends." I try to conceal the anger in my voice but I am unable to. "Friends don't take off when the going gets tough." She starts laughing. Not hard, but a few chuckles. "What?"
"Two words for you Roger. Santa. Fe."
"That was different."
"How?" She takes the guitar from me. "Tell me how that was different, I really want to know."
"You and I weren't together, I didn't have a band, there was no reason for me to stay." I reach for my guitar again but she pulls it away from me.
"Well, Mark doesn't have a girlfriend, or a band, or a job here, what reason did he have to stay?"
I look at her crossly, "Yeah, yeah, I get it, I should have stayed for him, but still this is different. I was in the hospital, and he just left. He said, 'Fuck you' and left," I hop off the table and go over to Mimi, "anyway, it doesn't matter, he doesn't matter." I lean in to kiss her but she backs away.
"Of course he matters, he is your best friend. Now tell me where he is!"
"Fine, Providence, Rhode Island. That is all I know. And he isn't my best friend. I'm too old to have a best friend."
"Baby, you know that isn't true. Listen, whatever it was that made him leave, I'm sure he will get over it. He loves you too much, he loves all of us. He just needs some time away, I promise you, he will come back."
"Well, I don't want him back, let him stay in Providence…" Suddenly a loud booming voice interrupts me.
"Anyone home?"
"Yeah Collins, come in." I push myself up on the table and whisper to Mimi, "end of discussion." She gives me a look to let me know that this isn't the end of it.
"Hey guys, what's going on?" His arms of full with a couple of brown paper grocery bags. He puts them on the table. "Did a little shopping." I go to peak through, but he pulls them away. "Wait a minute. I'm going to cook dinner, and it is going to be a surprise. I called Maureen and Joanne, and they will be joining us, Benny had some obligation in Westport he couldn't get out of, so it will just be the five of us." He starts unpacking the bags, but looks up, "That is unless of course… well I can see by your expression, no."
"We aren't talking about it." I try and make my voice stern but Mimi ignores me.
"Roger just talked to him, he is in Providence. He said isn't coming back." I pick at my guitar, pretending to ignore the conversation going on.
"Oh Mark will be back, he just needs some space. Don't you even worry about it." Collins comes over to me and pats me on the shoulder. I pull away and turn from him.
"I don't care, really. And you shouldn't either, we don't deserve a friend like that."
"Hey, I do care, and I know you do too. I miss the guy, it isn't the same without him, but we can't force him to come home. He has to arrive at that decision on his own. Just like you did when you went to Santa Fe."
"Why does everyone keep bringing that up? They are two entirely different scenarios."
"No, Roger, they are exactly the same. Don't worry, he will be back." He goes back to the kitchen and pulls out assorted vegetables and other food. "But for now, get over here and chop this onion." He gives me a half grin and I smile back.
Maybe Mimi and Collins are right, maybe he just needs time. The only thing I know is that this loft is a lot lonelier without Mark here. I miss the guy's camera in my face all the time or the way he would bound up the stairs. I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to get rid of the memories.
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