Cloud's Real Lady
Cloud was sitting in a chair trying to get some rest in his vill when Aeris & Tifa were fighting over Cloud again. Yuffie was asleep on the couch.
Tifa: He's mine you whore!!!
Aeris: IN YOUR DREAMS!!!
Tifa & Aeris: (rumble like wrestlers)
Cloud: THAT'S IT!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!
Tifa: (stops): What?!
Aeris: (stops) Huh?!
Cloud: I'VE HAD IT WITH YOUR CONSTANT FIGHTING!!! There's only one way to
settle this...
Tifa: Karaoke!!!
Cloud: Uh...
Aeris: Excellent...
Cloud: ............Fine............
Aeris: What song?
Tifa: How about Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady"?
Cloud: ...
Aeris: Cool!
Cloud: ...
(Karaoke machine starts playing "The Real Slim Shady")
Tifa: May I have your attention please?
Aeris: May I have your attention please?
Tifa: Will Cloud's real lady please stand up?
Aeris: I repeat: Will Cloud's real lady please stand up?
Aeris & Tifa: We're gonna have a problem here…
Tifa: Y'all act like you've never seen a fine bar maid before,
Jaws all on the floor like me and Cloudy just burst through the door,
I started whoopin Aeris's @$$ worse than before,
We'll never get divorced about somethin' over furniture.
Cloud: AHHHH!!!!
Aeris: It's the return of the---
"Oh wait, no, wait, you're kidding…
She didn't just say what I think she did, did she?"
And my friend, Tifa said….
Nothing, lover-boy! She'll be dead soon and locked in my basement!
Tifa: Every other woman loves Cloudy-boy,
"Chigga, chigga, chigga, Cloud Strife,
I wanna hump with him, LOOK AT HIM ^_^
Walking around talking about you-know-what,
Staring at you-know-who!"
Aeris: "Yeah, but he's so cute though…" 'sigh'
Cloud: (sweatdrops)
Tifa: Yeah, he's probably got a couple of screws up in his head loose,
But no worse that what's goin' on in everybody's bedroom
Everybody in the city: (sweatdrops)
Tifa: Sometimes I wanna just get in his bed and let loose,
But can't, but it's cool for Aeris to be hanging from a long noose!
Aeris: My staff is up her @$$!
My staff is up her @$$!
And if she's lucky, I'll probably pour her blood in a glass!
And that's the message that we give to my lover-boy
And if Cloud and I screw now, we'll both be screaming for joy!
Cloud: (sweatdrops)
Tifa: Of course, the whole world'll know about her work,
By the time the guys find out, Aeris will be givin' them free jerks!
We ain't nothin but mammals…
Of course, that's a different story when me and Cloud
screw in bed like animals… ^_^
Aeris: But if they can f**k like different kinds of animals,
Then there's no reason why Cloud and me can't elope.
Tifa: Grr…
Aeris: But if he feels I got, feels I got the antidote,
I'll take off my pantyhose, and sing my chorus,
AND IT GOES!!!
Tifa: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other f**king lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Aeris: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other f**king lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Tifa: Sephy doesn't gotta cuss in his speech to kill people,
Well, nobody cares, so f**k him, and f**k the world too!
Sephiroth: (busts in) HEY!!! (gets kicked out by Cloud)
Tifa: Ya think I give a damn about my friend, Aeris?
Half of the fans can't even stomach her,
Let alone love her.
Aeris: But Cloud, we won't be loud during our love making, right?
No, we'll do it the hard way tonight: with all of our might! ^_^
Cloud: (sweatdrops)
Aeris: Don't go with that f**king slut over there, dude!
We can screw under the covers in the nude… (smiles seductively)
Tifa: Why? So I can watch you guys have sex and curl up in fear?
I won't let that slut get you drunk with her beer!
Little b***h…trying to steal my only man…
I don't think so!!! I'm gonna foil your dirty plan!!!
Aeris: I used to hear rumors in the street that Tifa was a hooker.
People used to say that she was quite the good looker!
I'd never lie to you! You know it's true!
If you think it's a lie, then go talk to one of her clients named Lou!!!
Tifa: There's a million of woman that want to be with you,
cuss with you,
just don't give a f**k like you,
dress right for you,
walk, talk, and have sex with you.
It'll be tough, but in the end, you know I'll be with you!
Aeris: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other f**king lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Tifa: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every otherf**king lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Aeris: He's like a headtrip to listen to,
'cause he's only givin me things
Tifa jokes about with her friends inside her living room.
The only difference is that he has the balls to say in front of y'all,
He doesn't have to be false, or sugar-coat it at all!
Tifa: He just lies in the bed and spits it,
And whether you like to admit it,
He can s**t it better than 90 percent of all of my fans out there!
Then you wonder how can kids eat up our video games like values!
Aeris: It's funny, 'cause at the rate we're goin when we're 30,
Cloud and me'll be the only ones in the Nursing Home f**king.
He'll be pinching my @$$ while he's jacking off and jerkin,
But with me around, he won't need a bag of viagra to stop workin'.
Cloud: (sweatdrops)
Tifa: Every other woman will be one of Cloud's ladies lurkin,
She could be workin' at Meteor King,
Super Sizing his Meteor Rings,
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming,
"I don't give a f**k whether Cloud Strife's taken or not!!!
Yuffie: (woke up a little while ago, overheard the entire thing, and interferes)
So will his real lady please stand up,
And put either one or both hands up,
And be proud for taking a chance and be out of control,
ONE MORE TIME, AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, HOW DOES IT GO?!?!?
Aeris: (very pissed) I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other f**king lady are just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Tifa: (very pissed) I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other f**king lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Yuffie: (very proud) I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other f**king lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Cloud: (very politely)You're all my ladies,
Yes, You're all my real ladies,
Every other f**king lady is just imitating
So won't all of you real ladies PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!!!
Aeris: Boo hoo….. I guess Cloud's ladies are everywhere…
Tifa: F**k it!!!
Yuffie: Let's all stand up! (smiles)
(Song ends...)
Yuffie: WHEEEEEEEE!!!!! That was FUN!!!
Tifa: What the hell are YOU doing here, Yuffie?!
Yuffie: Free country...
Aeris: Well Cloud? Who's it going to be?
Tifa: Me? (bats her eyes) Or that slut over there that you call a flower girl?
Aeris: Grrr...
Cloud: Actually... I've kinda had a crush on Yuffie...
Tifa & Aeris: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!? (eyes filled with rage)
Yuffie: (smiles) I like you too, Cloud...
Cloud: It's settled! Let's go screw!
Yuffie: YEAH! (they both go into Cloud's room and lock the door)
Aeris: I can't believe it...
Tifa: I can...
Aeris: Huh?
Tifa: At least he didn't choose you...
Aeris: WHAT?! I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Tifa: BRING IT ON, B***H!!!
(They have a cat fight........once again...)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: So how do you like it? This is my first fanfiction so please be gentle.
I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters (I wish I did though...). I don't own Eminem's songs either.
Send all comments (good or bad) to Cloud_S_@excite.com. Once again, please be gentle.