Liz saw Mrs. Fairfax off at waved good-bye. Liz wasn't entirely confident that she was ready to take care of the manor all by herself yet, but when asked earlier by Max, she felt compelled to say yes. It was as if he was daring her with his eyes to stay, and she could not refuse the challenge. She would show him that she could take care of the house.
At first, she was lost as to where to start, but then as duties upon duties piled on her, she felt like a chicken with its head chopped off, trying to do a million things at once. By dinnertime, she was exhausted. Before she knew it, she had to go see Max.
She was curious about him. Earlier, he had opened up to her and shown that he could laugh and smile, something surprising to her. She had only known him for a few days, but she felt drawn to him. Besides, he didn't seem that angry at her when she made her 'remarks.' In fact, he had seemed amused with it. And then there was what the cook said earlier. Max having a fiancée shouldn't have surprised Liz, she knew full well that Max was rich and handsome. But him being so in love with someone and being hurt by her, Liz could not imagine that. 'What, Liz? Feeling sorry for yourself because you've never felt love?' she silently mocked herself.
In Max's study, the room was empty. She saw that her chair was drawn though so she sat and waited. When Max finally came in, she took a good look at him. She wanted to see if he knew that his old flame was back. Max could feel her eyes burning into him so he looked at her. "Yes, Liz?"
"Sir?"
"Is there something wrong?"
'Oh no. He's caught me again! How does he do that?! Argh' Liz thought to herself. She could feel herself flushing, which she was not used to doing.
Max could see her blush splotch her face and instantly knew something was up. 'She's heard. She knows all about it. This can't be happening so soon. You might as well tell her now, before she hears all the rumors.' Max felt his face harden into a mask, trying to hide all his emotions. "So tell me, Liz, hear anything interesting lately?" Max winced, he knew his tone was biting and harsh.
"No?" Liz wasn't sure what to say, she was surprised by his sudden change in attitude. He sounded, well, mean.
"Are you sure? Nothing about…oh, I don't know… new people in town," Max stated, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Liz narrowed her eyes. She could feel her little patience snapping. He had no right to use that tone with her, just because some old flame of his was back. She stood up from her chair and faced him and started off calmly, "Well, now that you mention it, I did hear something about your old fiancee being around her somewhere and how she broke your heart." She could see Max's jaw tighten and continued, "But I don't think that that's true at all… because I don't think you have a heart to break!"
The instant the words were out of mouth, she regretted it. The pain she saw in Max's eyes, she wish she had never said those words. His eyes slid away from her and he focused on something…anything… she thought he didn't have a heart. Maybe she was right, maybe he didn't. But he did, he knew he did, or else he wouldn't feel this way about her. He had to make her see. A plan formulated in his head. But first, he had to explain…
"I'm sorry, Mr. Evans. I didn't mean what I said, I truly didn't," Liz said, trying to catch his eye again.
"What do you know about love, Liz. Tell me," he said softly. When he saw that she didn't answer and bowed her head, he knew.
"You have never been in love, have you? I have. Sit down, Liz, and I'll tell you everything."
Liz looked at him, "You don't have to. I was wrong…"
"I want to, Liz. Please let me."
~*~From Jane Eyre, the musical. Wonderful music!!! I'll try and download this song and maybe find a way to upload it here so you guys can hear it. This is a great song. Just ignore the part about Adele, the child, I'm not having that here in this story. ~*~
Love is like a virus we're infected with
You're so naive
Wouldn't it be wonderful
If life was just as you perceive?
Women are inhuman, worthless
Hard and savage
On the average
Never to be trusted
Completely maladjusted, it's true
And if I'd not loved a few
I might have been as good as you
She was my flame, my gallic sylph
I was her fool's delight
She put me in her spell and turned my
Rage to trust in just one night
With appetites for pleasure
We would search for buried treasure
In the excess of temptation
I thought it my salvation, it's true
And if I had thought things through
I might have been as good as you
She found me handsome
My opera dancer
And like a fool I believed it was true
I held the world inside my hands, a man
Full in his prime
When she left me for another
Pierced my heart a second time
"Nothing lasts forever," she said
"Find the door yourself, dear, won't you?
Think me still your flower
I've treasured every hour, it's true
And if I had loved you, too
I might have been as good as you."
I came upon her some time later
The years had not been very kind
She has this child, Adele
Said she was mine, as well
"Nothing lasts forever, Edward
Take good care and, oh yes
Won't you take our lovely daughter?
For you see, dear, I don't want her
But I'm still your flower
I'll just bloom elsewhere
Tell her my soul is in heaven, with God"
Miss Eyre, I tell you this
Because I want you to know
That I, with some luck
Without some shame, without blame
Or the curse of my name
Might have been as good as you.
"I was young, just a few years younger than you. My parents had just passed away. I missed them horribly and I was all alone. I had no one. Yes, Liz, I felt loneliness once too. Just like you do, I wager. I couldn't stay here, there were too many memories of all the happy times we had here. Too many," Max paused, swept back by the thoughts of times past. "So I left for the Continent. And that was where I first met her, Celine Varens. She was an opera singer, popular, beautiful. I arranged to meet her. From the moment we met, she charmed me. She flirted with me.
"I had never felt love, but I was sure that I loved her at that moment. I bought her gifts to show my love. I showered her with pearls, furs, and even an apartment. In return, she flattered me. She called me her 'mon cherie.' She gave me her body. What, Liz, are you blushing? Yes, I had a mistress, although I did not think that that was what she was. I thought she was my lover. Soon, we were engaged. I was not so lonely anymore.
"I was prepared to marry her, yes, I was. One night when she was not expecting me, I wanted to surprise her. I hid in the apartment that I had bought for her. I waited long in the night. I did not mind. I would have waited forever for her, that was how much I thought I loved her. I sat on the balcony, looking and waiting. Finally, I saw her carriage. Her carriage that I obtained for her. When it pulled up, I stood up and looked down. I had a rose in my hand, ready to toss down. I expected her to look up, see me, smile, and run to me. You look surprised, Liz. Is it because I was once a romantic?
"I saw her emerge from the carriage. I was about to throw down the rose when I saw another figure come out from the carriage behind her. It was another man. I was in shock and bewildered. But most of all, I was jealous. Have you ever felt jealousy, Liz? No, of course not. You must feel love in order to feel jealousy. It is not a pleasant feeling, Liz. No matter what you do, it makes you want that person more. I tried to console myself, telling myself it was just a friend, a guest. When they reached the door, I hid behind a curtain. I would emerge once the guest was gone.
"As you've probably guessed by now, Liz, for you are smart, he was not a guest. He was her lover. They spoke at first, about trivial things for they were not intelligent people. I am not saying it because I am bitter, it is the truth. It was not for Celine's brain that I had admired her. Celine spied a picture of me and soon the conversation turned to me. It was soon revealed that Celine had planned to marry me and secretly take my money – to give to him until they had enough. Then she would run away with him.
"You recall the jealousy I mentioned just before, Liz? I no longer felt that. I burst out from the curtains and promptly threw the man out. He put up a struggle at first, but you see, Liz, he was no match. When I turned to Celine, she begged me to forgive her. And I tried, Liz, I tried. But you see, I did not want to, for I realized she was not worth my time, money, or love. So I ordered her to move out that night and I took everything I had ever given her back. She cried, she protested, she pleaded. But I would not yield. I had no heart or mercy for her anymore.
"It has been eight years since, and I have looked for love, Liz. There have been many women who have come to me, but I have not found her yet. Sometimes, I despair that I ever will. You have heard me speak. Now, tell me what you think," Max said quietly, looking at Liz.
TBC...