Jane
What can I do now, my precious Lord?
His dark love would be my best reward
I know I should not dare to go
Deeper in his madness
But it's like a field I must run through
No one's word will make me love him less
The secret voice that speaks to me
Tells me he's in danger
Looking to the dust for tenderness
Deep in my secret soul
I stand alone
The purpose of why I'm here
Is still unknown
In the darkness of his day
He's nearly blind
But I keep looking for his goodness
Afraid of what I'll find
My heart moves through his unquiet sea
I pray a wave will come and carry me
Closer to his troubled tide
Waters of his fury
But how can I swim this great divide?
Deep in my secret soul
I cry his tears
Rochester
My secret soul cries out loud
Jane
I weather his angry voice
I feel his fears
Rochester and Jane
Her/My life has infected every wound
And every pore
I feel her/his mystery possess me
And I pray that mercy's hand will bless me
Jane
Deep in his secret soul
Rochester
Deep in my secret soul
Jane
His heart is cursed
Rochester
My heart is cursed...
Jane
I summon my deepest will
To still his thirst
Both
And I pray that God
Gives the strength to go
Deep within his/my secret soul
Liz managed to catch Max in her arms and break his fall a little bit. She gently laid him on the ground and ran for Robert who helped carry Max to his room before leaving again. There, she gently placed her hand on his forehead, then his cheeks. He was burning up. It was no surprise, considering he had ridden through the freezing rain that he would be sick.
Liz noted that his clothes were still soaking wet and his body was chilled. She drew hot water in a tub for Max to warm up. When that was completed, she went back to Max's room where he was laying still on the bed. His eyelids were fluttering slightly and he groaned slightly. Liz said softly to him, "Mr. Evans, I have to take your clothes off, or else you'll become more sick. Do you understand?" Liz's face flushed slightly as she said these words, but she knew it was necessary. For a minute, Max didn't move, but then she saw his head nod weakly and his mouth tried to form some words. "Shh, try to save your strength, sir."
She lifted him up and helped him walk to where the tub was. One of Max's arms was around her shoulder, and she had her arm around his waist. Once they reached the tub, Liz gently sat him in a nearby chair. There, her fingers moved to Max's shirt buttons. 'It's all right, Liz, you can do this. You have to, for Mr. Evans. You don't want him to become even more sick, do you?' As more and more of Max's chest was revealed, the less Liz babbled to herself.
When Max had his clothes on, anyone could see that he was in shape. However, once the shirt was off, Liz was in awe of the mass of muscles in his chest, abdomen, and arms. It wasn't the bulging kind of muscles, but the kind that added a sleek look to him. Liz suddenly had an urge to run her hands softly over them but held herself in check. 'What are you doing, Liz, he's your boss and sick and you want to do what?!' Liz silently chastised herself.
Then, she moved onto the pants. Liz hesitated before deciding what to do. Finally, taking a deep breath, she knew she had to do what she had to do. She had to take them off herself. Averting her eyes from his manhood, Liz pulled down Max's pants. A furious blush spread over her entire body as she then continued to help him into the tub.
After a half-hour, the water was cooling rapidly and Liz was afraid that Max would become even sicker if he stayed in longer, so she helped hoist him out. Throughout the entire time he was bathing, Max had seemed only half-conscious. Liz found a nightshirt and helped him into it. Carefully, she led him to his bed and helped tuck him in. Almost immediately, Max sank into a deep sleep. Liz was exhausted all the exertion. She looked out the window and saw that the weather was still too dangerous for a doctor to come out.
She sighed. Turning back to Max, she once again checked his temperature with his hand. Liz's face immediately wrinkled with worry when she felt how he was still burning up. Taking a small washbowl, she filled it with cool water and started wiping his face. She sat down in a chair that was close to the bed, and as she was dabbing Max's face, she carefully studied it.
As he slept, all signs of the world was wiped from his face. Usually, his face was set determinedly and wrinkles showed around his eyes and brow. However, when relaxed as he was now, Liz could see none of that. She recalled that when earlier that day, during their little snowball fight, when he was laughing and smiling, he had seemed much younger also. Smiling at the memory, Liz looked at Max and smiled.
How much her opinion of him had changed! No longer did she see a man who was cold and emotionless, but a man that could be capable of so much emotion and heart. With this thought, it was as if she was seeing Max with different eyes. Slowly, Liz realized that she was falling in love with Max.
For a moment, Liz froze with this thought. 'In love? With Mr. Evans? How do you know, Liz, how can you be sure?' But one more look at Max's face and Liz knew that she was. 'How do I know? Because I am feeling things that I have never felt, or ever thought I would feel. Because I feel as if just by being at his side right now, I have found my place in the world, that I belong.'
Meanwhile, Max did not seem to be getting any better. Sweat was now pouring from his face and body and his nightshirt was beginning to soak through. 'What do I do?' Liz frantically thought. Pulling off his nightshirt, Liz began to wipe his chest. The fever had escalated and Liz was worried. She went to pour out the old water in the washbowl and got fresher, cooler water.
Grabbing another washcloth, she soaked both of them in the water for a minute. Then taking one out, she wrung it and carefully placed it on Max's forehead. With the other one, she slowly and meticulously wiped his face. Then she began to work her way slowly down (but not that far down! ;), only stopping to dip the cloth back in the water. While sponging his chest and arms, Liz was in awe of just how beautiful Max was. He didn't seem like he had any fat on him, just muscles that Liz was well aware of now.
Over the next few hours, Liz continued to sit next to Max, watching over him and sponging him off. After a while, Liz stopped and put on a fresh nightshirt on him. She then dozed in an armchair that was in the room for a few minutes, only to wake with a jolt and check on Max again. Max tossed and turned throughout the night and seemed restless. Only toward dawn did he seem to be able to sleep peacefully and Liz was able to sleep for about an hour.
The next morning, Liz felt worn out but dragged herself through the mire of sleepiness she felt. Going to the kitchen, she found Robert and the other servants having breakfast. She asked Robert ride to town to fetch the doctor once he was done eating. Because she knew the roads were still horrible from yesterday's weather, she knew it would be a while before he would return. Going back to Max's room, she could see that he was starting to wake up a little. "Mr. Evans? How are you feeling?" Liz asked. However, Max could not answer. "Are you hungry? I'll get you something to eat." With that, Liz nearly ran all the way back to the kitchen and asked the cook to make some soup for Max.
Going back to Max's room with the soup, Liz saw that Max was looking a little bit better. Setting down the tray, she helped him sit up on the bed. She then carefully fed him the soup. Blowing gently to cool it off before each spoonful, Liz took care that Max wouldn't burn his mouth on the hot soup. Her eyes locked a few times with Max's, but each time she would snap her eyes away from his. She was afraid that if she looked too long into his eyes, he would know of her new feelings toward him.
Liz wasn't sure what to make of her emotions as of yet. She knew it was wrong, that she really had no hope for any relationship with Max. She was just a housekeeper, nothing more. He was a wealthy man who was handsome and had money. Society would never let them be together. She knew she came from a good family, but that was her past and she didn't want her new life to have anything to do with that.
~*~Max's POV~*~ Lying on the bed with Liz at his side, Max felt a surge of peace that he had not felt in so long. The day before, when he was with Liz playing in the snow, he envisioned a life with her just like that. They would be happy, laughing and the world would be pure. Her shrieks of laughter made him feel young, revitalized. He knew at that moment that he had to have Liz as his own.
When he had to leave for a client's house, Max wanted nothing more than to just stay the rest of the day with Liz. However, he forced himself to go. Later that night, the weather was dangerous and the client begged Max to stay the night at his house to avoid the weather. Max had refused, he wanted to hurry back so that he might see Liz again before she went to bed. The rain had soaked him through thoroughly and by the time he was back at the hall, he was ready to collapse.
He did not remember most of the night, but that didn't matter. Liz was feeding him with care, and Max could almost convince himself that Liz was his bride at that moment. The only problem was that Liz would not look him in the eye. He wondered why. Did something happen that he didn't know about? Everytime he tried to catch her eye, she would look away.
"Liz?"
"Yes, Mr. Evans?"
"Thank you," Max tried to say more, but he suddenly felt sleepy again and couldn't seem to find the strength.
"Shh. Try to rest, sir. You are still sick," Liz answered. She put the bowl on the side table and Max felt her gentle hands helping him lie back down on the bed. She tucked him in and as Max began to fall back asleep, the last thing he remembered was Liz's hand on his cheek. He went to sleep with a secret smile and dreamt of a happy life with just the two of them.
