Chapter 12
"My Secret Soul"
Jane
What can I do now, my precious Lord?
His dark love would be my best reward
I know I should not dare to go
Deeper in his madness
But it's like a field I must run through
No one's word will make me love him less
The secret voice that speaks to me
Tells me he's in danger
Looking to the dust for tenderness
Deep in my secret soul
I stand alone
The purpose of why I'm here
Is still unknown
In the darkness of his day
He's nearly blind
But I keep looking for his goodness
Afraid of what I'll find
My heart moves through his unquiet sea
I pray a wave will come and carry me
Closer to his troubled tide
Waters of his fury
But how can I swim this great divide?
Deep in my secret soul
I cry his tears
Rochester
My secret soul cries out loud
Jane
I weather his angry voice
I feel his fears
Rochester and Jane
Her/My life has infected every wound
And every pore
I feel her/his mystery possess me
And I pray that mercy's hand will bless me
Jane
Deep in his secret soul
Rochester
Deep in my secret soul
Jane
His heart is cursed
Rochester
My heart is cursed...
Jane
I summon my deepest will
To still his thirst
Both
And I pray that God
Gives the strength to go
Deep within his/my secret soul
When the doctor was finally able arrive, he had Max stay in bed for a few more days. During this time, Liz took care of him, slowly trying to nurse back to health. It actually did not take much because Max was in such peak physical condition. Love is something that is strange, it makes us bold and invincible, yet it also makes us vulnerable. Such was how Max and Liz felt. Each brimming with a desire for love, for happiness with each other. Both scared to take the first step.
On the first full day Max was out of bed, he sat in his office just contemplating his situation with Liz. Over the last few days, he had sensed that her attitude and feelings toward him had changed, but he couldn't be sure if it was love she felt. In the days that she had cared for him, he had fallen more in love with her gentleness, her kind heart, and everything about her.
He had to find a way to find out for sure that she loved him. He began planning.
~*~ End of Max's POV for a little while. Before you yell at me for the parts that are about to come, the previous sentence is a clue to what Max is planning. Don't worry, happiness insurance! ~*~
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"What is happening, Mr. Evans?" Liz asked, not sure that she had heard correctly.
"I am throwing a party that will last several days. There will be about ten people who will be staying here. I want you to make sure that everything is ready," Max answered, looking directly at her. "Do you think you are capable of this?"
"You wish for me to prepare for all this by myself?" Liz said, already mentally calculating how much work she would have to do.
"Of course not! You'll have the other servants helping you. And if you need extra help, you have my permission to go down to the village and hire a few girls for a few days," Max said with an impatient tone. "I suggest you start, Miss Parker, you only have a few days."
Liz blurted out, "Oh thank you so much for the notice," before she was able to stop herself.
"Your welcome. Now go," Max said with the smirk she had not seen for a while.
As Liz left, she wondered to herself 'He must be getting better because he seems to be going back to his old ways.' She wasn't able to pursue the thought anymore though because soon she was rushing all through the house trying to prepare for the upcoming party. During this time, she spent some time with the various servants of the house. To make conversation, she wondered who would be attending the event. She then caught some of the servants looking at each other and they said, "Surely the Honorable Miss Harding will be here."
For a moment Liz froze. "Miss Harding? Who is she?"
"You have not heard of Miss Tess Harding? Many say that it is she that Mr. Evans will marry? It is no secret that she has taken a fancy to him. They would make such a handsome couple too."
Liz's heart sank as she heard the words. "Is Miss Harding pretty?" she asked as casually as she could.
"Aye. That she is. Her hair is of a golden color and her eyes are clear blue. And her complexion is of envy of all the ladies," the maid rattled on, unaware of the silent dread that was collecting in Liz.
Later that night, Liz laid awake in her bed. 'It can't be true. He isn't going to marry her, it is just a party and he has to invite all the people of social rank here. It's just foolish gossip.' Liz tried to reason. Still, she had trouble falling asleep and tossed and turned all night.
The next day, everyone was on watch for when Max would be returning with his party. Liz was nervous that he would find everything unsatisfactory and went from room to room, making sure that everything looked perfect. In the middle of fluffing a cushion, she heard someone yell, "He's coming." Liz ran to the nearest window and looked out. Sure enough, Max was riding ahead. A smaller figure was on a horse next to him and behind them came a caravan of horses and buggies.
"The honorable Miss Harding," a maid said, looking out the same window. Turning to Liz she said, "You should be there to greet them, miss."
Liz started and nodded, "Yes, thank you for reminding me." Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she walked out and waited at the door. Max came halting on his horse and jumped off. He apparently seemed to be in good spirits and in very good health.
"Hello, Liz. I have returned with my crew of good peoples who are here to have a good time. I hope everything is all ready for my guests," he said jovially.
"Everything is prepared, sir," Liz managed to get out, her heart clutching in her chest.
"Very good," Max said before the rest of his guests arrived. "Ah, I see you have all managed to catch up to myself and Miss Harding. Miss Harding, you are a most wonderful rider. I compliment you on this," Max turned away to Tess.
Liz saw her first look of Tess. Indeed, the servant's words were not wrong. She was very beautiful. However, Liz also caught the look of haughtiness in Tess's eyes. She saw how they looked over the whole estate with a look of greed that seemed to say, 'Yes, this must all be mine someday.' As Tess saw Liz looking at her, she gave her a look of disdain and purposely turned away. Liz felt her temper rising slightly but pushed it down inside her.
Max must have told a joke for everyone laughed. He then led all the guests inside where they immediately went to their rooms that Liz had taken such care to prepare. Liz and the rest of the servants followed behind them. Almost immediately, they were bombarded with commands from the guests. As Liz was hurrying about, she heard Tess coo to Max, "Oh, Mr. Evans, your manor is so lovely. And all the rooms are marvelous along with all the décor. How do you ever do it?" Liz half-expected Max to make a sarcastic comment, for she knew that he barely noticed anything around the house. To her surprise, Max started a serious conversation with Tess about the various bric-a-bracs in the room.
Liz then thought to herself, 'Perhaps I do not know Mr. Evans that well at all. He seems so very different among all these people. It may be that he enjoys being around them all. No, it is not possible. It is all a façade, it must be.'
She was so lost in thought she did not see Max coming. "Liz. Liz."
"What? Oh, hello, sir," Liz answered, her cheeks coloring slightly.
"Tonight everyone will be assembling in the drawing room. I would like you to be there."
"Oh, no, sir. Please, I would rather not," Liz protested. She had memories of all the parties where her parents had taken her, just to show her off. Also, she did not feel comfortable in the presence is so many people, of so many strangers.
"It is not a request, Miss Parker. It is a command," Max said haughtily.
"Excuse me?" Liz said with a slight edge.
Max's face softened a bit. "I am sorry, Liz. I did not mean for it to come out like that. I would like it very much if you were to attend tonight," he amended. "Please."
"Must I?"
"I would like you to."
"Very well, sir."
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