Ahh, young love. Heero and Relena, recently reunited with Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei after the ten years of peace (AC 206), tell the story of why they ended up together. In the year After Colony 198, Relena Darlian learns the whereabouts of her lost love Heero. A year and a half of searching has yielded nothing to the young man's past, so will Heero finally give up a fruitless hunt for self, or will Relena surprise him yet again by helping him find it? Disclaimers from previous chapter apply and will throughout the rest of the book. *duh*
(P.S., pay attention to the narrative carefully. It can get a little confusing if you don't.)
After Colony 206: The Change Time Brings (Part II)
"Between Us and No One Else"
The sun rose over the Earth's horizon. The blue-white sphere filled half the window shedding a kind of infinite wisdom and permanence, offering comfort to the lost boy who watched it with soulful, sad eyes, deepened and aged so far beyond their years. Although the current observer to the spectacle was feeling not a sense of awe but instead emptiness that couldn't be filled with the warm butter-yellow rays of the sun, there was a sense of foreboding, as if something big was about to happen.
Heero stood carelessly chewing a breakfast pastry, staring coldly into space at his hotel window, an unspoken, much less understood pain hidden behind the walls he had built around himself. He still didn't know any reason why he'd chosen to stay at the Stardust hotel, the most expensive hotel this side of the Spiral, but something was telling him that there was one. Once again, he felt himself shudder. The Sun continued to shed its light upon the place that he wanted to have once called home.
He ripped another bite out of the offending bread almost violently with a sudden feeling of frustration. It was getting harder and harder to remember exactly what he'd been searching for now. The war had been over for nearly a year and a half and there was still nothing to quench the thirst that went much deeper than just his palate. Tomorrow would be his eighteenth birthday.
His birthday was the one thing Heero had found in all of his searching. Not a birth mother, nor his real name. Code name: Heero Yuy, "perfect soldier" trained by and involved in Operation Meteor; Hair: dark brown. Eyes: Prussian blue. Build: slight. Ethnic origin: Japanese. Born: August twenty-four. Gundam assigned: Wing Gundam. Special skills: combat and piloting, among others. It was all he knew, and as was becoming clearer and clearer each day, all he would ever know. Of course, he'd already known everything except that one, very significant date. Heero held onto that date as if it were a life ring, his one fruitful result after pouring so much of his heart into such a pointless search.
He was born of a human mother, in Japan. Did he have a father? Would he have existed in a loving family, had he not been taken? Had they given him up? Were they still searching for a lost son? The questions he so longed to have answered lay open, so clearly printed on his skin like the many scars he still bore over something he regretted so much. It hadn't been his choice . . . which made him all the angrier.
Heero sat at his computer, weary of looking at the screen but determined to find something more. He had accessed hundreds, possibly thousands of databases, many with special codes given to him by friends and admirers, or otherwise by hacking in. There were many records of him within OZ computers, oddly enough, but not a thing on Operation M. Heero would put a lot of money into the bet that its creators had destroyed all the information relating to it. He blew through his nose at the notion; it would make that much sense and things all the more ironic.
The one thing Heero didn't feel anymore was the urge to take his own life. His determination to find those pieces of information kept him from wanting to end his existence. Outside, the horizon continued to brighten, the metaphor hopelessly lost on the boy of seventeen years.
~~@[~*,~]@~~
The knock came in what was probably the late afternoon— it was getting so hard to tell, now that Heero had been in space for so long that his sleep patterns were irrational and his mind bent on the task at hand. "Probably hotel service . . . wrong room . . ." he grumbled, turning off his computer screen and dragging himself toward the door, all energy gone, all motivation to exist diminished.
He pulled open the door and leapt back, but even his reflexes weren't fast enough to counter the visitor at his door. "Heero, oh God, Heero!" cried Relena, leaping at him and gripping his shoulders tightly, her heart beating fast and hard enough for him to feel. There was nothing he could do but hold her as she sobbed.
"What— Why the Hell—" he attempted at last as Relena's grip lessened, but it only made her hold onto him tighter. His confusion naturally summoned a defiance and coldness, and immediately he tried to lock himself in. Memories flooded back before he could close the gate, though, and he gritted his teeth. He didn't really want to hurt her, but how could he turn her away without doing that too? He tried again, more gently, "What are you doing here? You don't belong here."
"Oh, Heero, I'm sorry. It's just, I've missed you," Relena sniffed, " I just had to see you again."
"Mn . . ." Heero replied uneasily. This . . . wasn't totally like the Relena he was remembering, although he had to admit, deep down, that it was good to see her. How could he ever live with himself if he said it, though?
"God, Heero, talk to me!" She said suddenly, nudging the hotel door closed with her foot, clear eyes sincere, a grin no longer on her pretty face- oh so more adult than when he had last seen it! Her hair fell around her face not too much differently than when he'd first met her, but it no longer seemed so young, or so innocent. "It's been way too long since we've talked!" She looked up and Heero saw the streaks where tears had been shed - for him!
"When have we ever talked?" he asked, not quite sure of himself. ["Then again, when is he?" Commented Wufei at this point.] Although Heero wasn't quite sure what the desired effect of that statement should have been he was definite that Relena shouldn't have smiled, which she had.
"Same old Heero. Haven't you changed at all?" Which was a bit of a false assumption.
"Hnh?"
"And look at the state of this room! You're no better than the rest of those boys." ["Hmph," grumbled Quatre.] "I ought to teach you how to clean up after yourself, you slob!" She paced around picking up his disheveled jacket and a towel that was lying on the floor.
"So you came to be my maid? Don't you have diplomatic things to be doing?" Heero, although he would never admit it, was deeply embarrassed by his personal hygiene habits at this point. At least I remembered to shower this morning, Heero thought. [Duo begins to snigger uncontrollably and Quatre slaps him, which renders the usually good-natured pilot suspicious of his comrade.]
Relena smiled and hugged Heero again, holding a crumpled suit she had found on a chair. "No, I came to take you to dinner, but this needs to be de-wrinkled."
Heero sat, slightly astonished, as Relena ironed his clothes and shoved them into his arms. "Hurry up and get dressed; the reservations are for nineteen-thirty and we'll be late."
[Trowa: "Wait, wait. I thought you said it was late afternoon, not evening."]
Okay, so it was close to seven. Just shut up. So, Heero (now with a slightly nasty tone to his voice) got dressed, still slightly perplexed but mostly just annoyed. What did Relena think she was doing, anyway?
The next thing he knew, he was arm in arm with Relena, who'd changed in half the time he had— with all his moping about.
Oh, be quiet. She'd disturbed him, and he hadn't asked for an evening out.
Well, he enjoyed it, didn't he?
Eventually, but not at the metaphorical moment.
[Duo: *Snort* "Snhhhzz . . .@#%&*!!"]
"You're a jackass, Heero."
[Trowa, holding a pillow over Duo's face: "AHEM. One narrator at a time, please."]
Anyway, Relena had made reservations for the restaurant on the top floor of the hotel, an exquisite, expensive place to dine. She thought the scenery was well worth it, although Heero, being a guy, could well have shown some courtesy and made a comment about the view, which had been rated five stars on numerous occasions. He didn't comment, but he didn't complain, so Relena considered it progress. Well, did later. At the moment she could have choked him. But she didn't, because they were in public and she knew people would recognize her. They did, but they didn't come to talk to her, so . .
[Heero: (Sigh)]
Fine, Relena guesses Heero wants to tell the story. Damn right. At least Heero doesn't get off the subject and start talking about other things like how his public appearances are keeping up. Thanks to Relena, he doesn't have to!
So, Heero (in monotone) preformed all necessary courtesy actions, pulling back the chair, addressing the waiter and so on, and took his own seat— Moping— trying to keep his mind busy. Oh, come on, Heero was bored to death. He didn't want to listen to that stupid political dribble and you know it. All right, Heero does owe Relena the courtesy of not discussing himself, choosing to stick to a less delicate subject such as Relena's life to the current date and how well she was getting on with the leaders from the colonies, blah, blah, blah. There, he said it.
And yes, he owes her the nicety of not mentioning Heero's name, or what he was doing there, or how much she knew andhowunstablehisthoughtswereatthemoment. Heero gets the point already— which is— which is to stop being a whining jerk and tell the damn story, okay?
[Wufei shakes his head. "If this is what you two have to go through all the time I'm never getting married."]
Love sucks, Wufei.
You're a jerk, Heero.
Since when have I been anything different? Isn't that why you couldna ge' mee off ov yourr mind inna firs' plaiz?
[Duo: "Aw, man, this is too sappy. Get a room you guys, and use it later. I want to hear the rest of this story."]
[Trowa: "Yeah, Heero, since when do you make out with women in public?"]
Thi' is har'ly public. Snnamph . . .
[Quatre: ". . . that's just wrong."]
[Wufei: "Uurghh . . . gnh . . .huur . . ."]
[Duo: "Seriously!"]
[Trowa and Quatre: *Cough* *Thud*]
RIGHT, OKAY. Now where was I? Oh, yeah.
So Heero and Relena were having this absolute— rhgii— ly gorgeous dinner. [Trowa: "We'd really appreciate it if you'd wait for a more private time to do that—"] And the view was incredible. Did I mention that the restaurant was really high class? Yeah? Okay. And the candlelight was really romantic, yeah. And Relena was making some really witty remarks . . . and she looked gorgeous, and she lured Heero into loosening up a little with her beautiful eyes . . . and nice dress . . . and intelligent conversation . . .
[Quatre: "Really, you guys, that's enough."]
[Duo: "You know, I wouldn't mind if this was happening to me."]
Not on your life, Duo.
["You wanna bet?"]
So Heero and Relena had a couple of glasses of champagne, lots of rich food, dessert, and a conversation continually increasing in temperature. Heero could actually feel Relena chipping layers off his ever-so-carefully-constructed facade. Possibly under the influence of alcohol, they went back up to Heero's room.
[Duo: "Oh, baby."]
And first, they talked. Like normal, civilized human beings that are under the influence of several glasses of high-class filtered-alcohol champagne. Actually, that was just sarcasm. They talked about Heero then. Relena wanted to know what he had been doing. So he told her, possibly under the influence of expensive champagne that she had paid for in full.
"I've been trying to find information about myself. Damn, I don't even know my real name! Did you know that?" Heero paced around the room, then with a rough motion turned his computer screen back on. "Look at this! I've spent the past year and a half looking for information about myself and all I've found is my damn birthday. Tomorrow I'm eighteen. An entire childhood's been wasted on me." He banged his fist on the table, making it rattle.
Relena put her soft hands on his shoulders, inexplicably easing the tension there. She squeezed them a little harder. "Oh Heero, why don't you just come home?"
She felt his shoulders shake as he laughed bitterly. "Home? Do I have a home? I don't have a home! I don't have shit, you know that? I'm nothing, nobody—"
"Don't talk like that, you're a hero! Do you know how Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei are seen on Earth? They're like gods or something. The biggest media event in recent history would be if you appeared somewhere on Earth, Heero. You have your own fan club."
Heero looked at Relena in disbelief, then horror. "I don't want fame. I don't want a media image. That's part of the reason why I don't have one. The only thing I want is to know who the hell I am!" His breathing was sharp and rough now, and his hands were trembling against the table in rage. "I don't want the kind of life you have. I don't want to be a hero!"
"Heero . . ." Relena put her arms around his waist and nuzzled his shoulder gently. "You don't have to be the world's hero. But, you know what? You'll always be mine."
[Quatre: "Okay, that was really corny . . ."]
Well, Relena was stuck. She'd come all that way just to see Heero and he was showing her the door. She had to say something, and fast. So she said, convinced that she wasn't under the influence of the evening's earlier drinks, "I love you."
[Duo: "Oh—"]
[Quatre: *Slap*]
So what was Heero supposed to say? He never knew what he felt for sure. Clinging to his composure by his fingernails (his heart fluttering with conflicting emotions), he said, "And what's that supposed to do for me?"
[Trowa: "Man, that's harsh, Heero."]
"Do for you?" repeated Relena quietly. "I love you. It's not supposed to do anything. It's there. It's a truth and I can't change it. I can't hide it anymore." She gripped Heero tighter, looked up into his eyes. "Tell me, whatever you feel. Even if it hurts. I can't bear not knowing, either."
Heero looked away. "I don't know myself. Haven't you figured that out by now?"
"Heero . . ." Relena leaned against him, trying to comfort him. "Heero, you're shivering." She felt him stiffen, trying to lock himself away from her. "Please, Heero, anything you can say."
Heero pushed her away. "I don't feel anything. A perfect soldier shouldn't feel emotion."
"You told me once you didn't think yourself worthy of being a perfect soldier. Didn't you say that you haven't changed any?" She felt herself getting angry. "I can't believe you! Maybe I was wrong to come here. It's obvious you aren't prepared to handle anything that might happen between you and someone else."
And as Relena turned to leave, she felt Heero take hold of her arm. Not roughly, as if to seize her, but gently, almost delicately. She felt her breath quicken as he drew her close, his strong arms holding her securely, surely. He put his face close to hers, and his eyes suddenly looked so lonely. For the first time, she saw some trace of emotion on Heero's face. Not once that night had he laughed, or sympathized, or in any way shown that he was even listening to her, and now something had allowed his feelings to show through. She suddenly saw how his years of unhappiness had stacked on his shoulders, how what she thought had been his strength was nothing more than armor that he could wear but not absorb, and a burden in and of itself. She opened her mouth to speak, to say she was sorry.
He studied her face from his close vantagepoint. Her skin was clear and pale, smooth and beautiful. Her eyes shone even in the dim night-cycle light, filled with a hope he'd never feel and anticipation he'd never expected. Her soft features looked at him earnestly and made her seem so much younger than her mind would have had you assume. She was a fully blossomed woman now, with filled out curves and the body of a young goddess. What made him want to push her away? What made him want her to stay? What had happened years ago had been mere . . . but perhaps it wasn't that after all.
"Sh," he said before she could utter a noise. "Don't say anything and maybe it'll be all right." If words were spoken, words would interrupt the grace of pure emotion. Words were never meant to express feelings, never meant to tie up tongues much better put to use. He enveloped her in his arms, relishing the feeling that he'd been awaiting for so long. He didn't realize how much he'd missed it.
Finally, the embrace Relena had been looking forward to all night presented itself, though it was Heero, not herself, that was trembling most with emotion. She gripped his shoulders tightly, holding him because she knew he was afraid to stay longer. The gentleness surprised her, for someone she'd always known to be so rough, though he consumed the gesture quickly and with a force so powerful that Relena felt herself grow faint. After a moment, he no longer seemed so locked away and she felt him press closer, longing for something of which he had been so obviously deprived. Eyes still closed to savor the moment, she broke away just long enough to promise him, "I won't say a thing."
["Hey, this story isn't suitable for kids!"]
[Trowa: "Are you a kid, Duo?"]
[Duo: *Grins* "Nope. Do tell."]
[Wufei: "Moronn . . ."]
~~@[~*,~]@~~
"No, I think we'll stop there," said Relena, now in Heero's lap. She kissed the side of her husband's head, eyes half-closed. "That's enough about that. There's nothing else about that night that you four need to know."
"Aww . . . come on . . ." Duo begged, another insane grin on his face.
Heero shook his head, remembering Trowa's comment the day before. "No way, that's private. You don't ask, we don't ask, Duo."
Duo grumbled but didn't argue.
"Well, that shut him up," said Wufei. "So is that it?"
"Is what it?" Heero mumbled from Relena's shoulder.
Wufei shrugged. "I guess I was expecting something else. If I know you at all, Heero, I'd say that one night wouldn't be enough to drag you away from finding your real identity."
Heero nodded as best as he could. "You're absolutely right. There's a lot more. I just thought we'd stop there for a while."
"Why?" Duo asked mock-innocently.
"You're such a pervert, Duo," remarked Quatre.
"And what made you think that I was thinking something perverted??" exclaimed Duo, pointing his finger at the offending speaker and laughing insanely.
"Moronnnn," sighed Wufei again as Quatre sputtered, although Heero and Relena were no longer paying attention.
~~@[~*,~]@~~
The two storytellers and four members of the audience assembled once again in the sitting room after lunch, which consisted of crisp club sandwiches courtesy of Relena. Three distinct sets of bruise marks were starting to materialize on Duo's throat and he kept sending resentful looks toward Trowa, Wufei and even Quatre, although he stayed stonily silent. Wufei looked satisfied, Trowa seemed complacent but Quatre was sending the message that he was disgusted with himself for losing control like that. Heero was secretly amused, but tried not to express it in case Relena felt like sympathizing with Duo, although it would be practically unprecedented for her to do so.
Out of the blue, Duo muttered darkly, "Ow, man. Sophie's not going to like this."
"Who's Sophie?" asked Relena, sipping her tea.
"Huh? Oh, nobody, really," said Duo slowly, turning red. "It doesn't matter."
"Sure it does, Duo," said Trowa, grinning. "So, tell us who Sophie is."
"Yeah, Duo, is she your special girlfriend? Your favorite or something?" Laughed Heero, joining in.
He must have touched a nerve, because Duo exploded. "My wife, okay? She's my wife! My only one! Will you guys just shut up already??"
"Duo, that's wonderful!" said Relena, kicking Heero sharply in the shins. "That's great, right guys?" She looked at them with a special homicidal glare that she'd learned worked wonders on Heero and Akiko.
"Yeah, that's great, Duo," the boys all chorused.
Duo blushed even deeper, but this time grinning. "Thanks, guys. Wanna see a picture?" Duo dug into his wallet and found a slightly bent photograph of a young woman with dark, curly hair trying unsuccessfully to shield herself from the camera and laughing. "She ruined a good camera, but I got the photo all right."
"Whatever happened to Hilde? I'd heard you guys were getting along well." asked Trowa, now frankly curious.
Duo winced. "Didn't you guys hear? She got caught up in that terrorist action on Colony X-957 a few years ago and got shot down." Duo gritted his teeth, obviously bitter. "Who do you think paid for the funeral? She never had any money."
All the boys hung their heads in guilt. Hilde had been very special to Duo in particular, though then he would have never admitted it. To hear that she was dead was . . . shocking.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Duo," apologized Quatre softly. "I hadn't heard that."
"Well, I got over it. The best way to get un-depressed is a joke, am I right? It feels great when Sophie starts laughin', you know?"
"Is that why you've been such a pain in the ass these last couple of days?" asked Wufei.
Duo shrugged. "It doesn't mean I'm not worried. Even the God of Death gets depressed."
Trowa shook his head. "Man, maybe you are as messed-up as Heero."
Heero raised his eyebrow. "What was that?"
Wufei shrugged "Face it, Heero, you've been pretty screwed-up in the past, and I wouldn't say you've totally recovered."
"Hmph," Heero shrugged.
"See?"
Relena reappeared from the kitchen, scribbling frantically on a notepad. "Any other of you boys have wives, girlfriends, illegitimate children, etcetera? I want an address and a phone number. Pass that around." Duo scratched happily on it, Trowa wrote down his address with a footnote about Mariemaia, Wufei calmly and with annoyingly small handwriting put down two names and an apartment number, and Quatre, looking slightly nervous, put something that was almost illegible. Relena glanced at it and stuffed it in her jean pocket. "Thanks a lot. It's never too early to get that Christmas card list ready. How do you say that, Wufei?"
"Pai-lin; With a soft p. She's Thai."
Relena smiled. "It's great to see you guys getting on with your lives."
Quatre relaxed almost audibly.
"Have we had a break for long enough?" asked Duo loudly.
~~@[~*,~]@~~
The room was dark as the sun hovered still behind Earth's horizon. Heero lay still, eyes open. Relena's quiet breathing was warm against his chest; her arms still held him tightly in her deep sleep. Faintly, he could see the outline of her face, sweet and pale and peaceful. For a moment, he wondered what she was dreaming. It would have been better if it had been a dream. That way, he could have gone on and laid with her until she woke. They could have talked, made up for all the words unspoken from the night before accompanied with gentile caresses between lovers, tickling fingertips and delicate, shy embraces. In an instant, he knew he'd never forget what had transpired from her simple admission of what she felt. However, it wasn't a dream. It was very early in the morning, and Heero knew he'd have to get up before long.
It was better this way he'd decided, for both Relena and himself, if he left. He couldn't stand himself not knowing who he was. How would she be able to? He had to leave.
Heero sighed and gently unfolded Relena's arms from around him, savoring the last sensation of intimacy as much as he dared. Silently, he dressed. Silently, he packed his bag and disconnected his computer. He turned, hefting the bag over his shoulder, and walked straight into Relena clad in a silk nightshirt, almost too short as if she intended to provoke him. She stood, hands on her hips, light brown hair disheveled but eyes hard. "And where do you think you're going? I'm not going to let you run away again, Heero."
Heero, neglecting to look his lover in the face (Though how he wanted to see those beautiful eyes again!), said, "You can't stop me. I have no obligation to you."
An expression somewhere in between anger and disappointment crossed Relena's face. It was an expression he never wanted to see again. "No obligation? You jerk! What do you need to qualify as an obligation? You slept with me! Most people consider that an obligation, damn you!" He could see her eyes, those beautiful eyes, filling with tears.
No matter how much it hurts us both now, I have to do it, thought Heero. He shrugged and shifted his bag. "Whatever. I'm leaving. I have things to do. Stay here . . . and don't worry about the bill."
He left, leaving an astonished Relena standing at the door, whispering "We could have talked about it."
Heero rode the elevator down to the lobby, which was noticeably colder than normal. The buttons glowed harsh and slightly dirty from use, the creaking and groaning of the old cables reprimanding him for his words to the woman who would do anything for him. Everything seemed to be angry with him, but his reasons were valid, and no doubt she'd continue after him. If he had no past he had no future. And if he never found a past . . . Relena would find someone else. He was confident of that.
Two technicians were arguing with the hotel manager, a large balding man who looked like he was having a workout just talking. "What do you mean it'll take three days for the heating system down here to be normal again? I can't just close the place down! It's bad for business!" Heero shivered and reached over his shoulder for his coat— which wasn't there.
"Dammit," Heero swore under his breath, "I must have left it in the room." Although he had no desire to leave his coat behind, he also didn't want to face Relena so soon after walking out on her again. Besides contradicting his belief that they shouldn't see each other, it would be monumentally embarrassing. Beyond that, what if she had thought of some way to blackmail him into staying.
"Dammit!" he said again, throwing himself into one of the hotel's chairs. "I can't do it!" He wasn't sure as to which "it" he was referring to.
"One night stand, eh pal?" Across the coffee table sat a young man, probably about ten years older than he, wearing a suit and a mustache, a business paper folded neatly in his lap.
"Kind of," Heero sighed, chin in his hand. What the hell was the matter with him? It should be so easy to walk away, except it wasn't.
"But you knew her before last night, am I right?" The man leaned forward, eyes sparkling.
"I've known her for years." Why not tell the truth. He'd never see the guy again. He might as well satisfy a curiosity before it grew too hungry
"Then what's the problem? Don't you love her?"
Heero looked at the man strangely. Now that was definitely private. "And just who are you?"
He extended a hand. "Howie McCallister. I'm a psychiatrist. I'm on vacation, so I'm working for free. Definitely confidential. But you love her, right?"
Heero sighed. I guess I'll end up telling someone sooner or later. Better him than Duo or one of the others. "I don't really know."
"What's there to know? Either you love her or you don't, pal." He really sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Unfortunately, he didn't know what Heero Yuy knew.
Heero shook his head. The confession came so easy, so quickly. He'd never told anyone that he didn't remember anything. It wasn't something you generally talk about. "No, I really don't. My life is so messed up. I don't even know my own name."
"So you left because you're unsure of yourself, thinking she won't be able to stand not knowing about your past." Howie McCallister flipped through the pages of his paper unconsciously, not taking his eyes from the troubled young man.
"You got it," said Heero, a little impressed.
"Then you are messed up, pal. If she came running to you, then she doesn't care. Listen to me. A lot of kids were taken from their families 'round the time it looks like you were born. They don't know squat about themselves, but what does that matter? If she loves you, she loves you for who you are now, not who you might be."
Heero shook his head. "Then why can't I go back to her? Why shouldn't it be easy and simple, with no embarrassment or regret or feeling of captivity?"
He chuckled. "Life is never that simple, and I'll tell you right now that girls will hold you captive. It's part of the commitment, part of being in love. Believe me, she'll be as trapped as you feel. You have to depend on other people, kid. You'll never survive on your own."
I have up until now, Heero thought, but let the other continue.
"Perhaps you yourself are frightened of who you might be, or of a future that's uncertain. If you walk out that door, you know exactly where you'll be going, but if you stay with her you don't know what will happen. You're afraid of uncertainty. Isn't that why you're chasing after your past in the first place?"
Am I, pondered Heero, really afraid? His mind suddenly flashed back to the little girl and her little dog, lying dead among the ruins of a once bustling city . . . of numerous days looking forward to a death where he knew exactly what would be . . . of the warm blankness of his mind when Relena took him in her arms that Christmas day . . . of that same night standing alone at the window of this hotel's dining room feeling desperately empty and in need of a temporary savior . . . "I am," he whispered.
So much for being a "perfect soldier."
Howie McCallister gazed at Heero thoughtfully. "So now, you say you've known the girl for years. Remember all the times you've shared with her. Remember how you felt?"
And despite himself, Heero couldn't stop the memories now. All those times when she'd chased him, forgetting all of her own obligations to come save his life or convince him to do what was right. He remembered her eyes, always so earnest and clear, always worried about him. Never, not once had Heero ever even acknowledged her kindness, let alone returned it. Not once had he said to her what he felt, as he believed it would make him weak. And suddenly, he needed to say to her everything he was thinking now. He needed to say he was sorry. He needed— he needed—
"I do. I love her with all my heart," he breathed, looking up at the man that could very well have saved his sanity.
Dr. McCallister smiled. He leaned closer and said gently. "Go to her, Heero. Go back and tell her before you think again. You'll regret breaking her heart later, and then you won't be able to salvage what you might have had."
Heero started at the sound of his given name. "How . . . do you know me?"
"Through Miss Darlian, I'm afraid," Dr. McCallister said. "We were speaking on the shuttle over here and she admitted that she was looking for you. Don't fear. Relena is a good friend of mine and I would no sooner consider letting this out than hurt the sweet girl myself. But none of that matters now. Go see Relena before she tries to grow from you too fast, Mr. Yuy."
Heero, him mind governed once again by a single purpose, although for the first time nothing he considered a mission, got up and almost ran back. He wanted, no, he needed to feel her touch again. He needed to hold her again, and he needed to do it now. The memories of the night, his memories of bare flesh and the exotic smell of sweat and the urgent, overwhelming emotions inside led him back to her without hesitation, without thought. He wanted to feel that again and again, long into the future.
Nothing had ever made him feel like this. Nothing ever made him feel so helpless, even the despair of combat that had led him into one suicide attempt after another never made him feel so weak. So this is what they meant, he thought, by love being able to overtake a man.
Quietly, he opened the door to his room. Relena was lying on the bed, holding his coat in his arms, her nose buried in it. It must have smelled enough like him, of his soap and his own scent that she needed that. She wasn't ready to let go, he realized. And neither am I. Feeling a great guilt for hurting her, Heero laid down and slid his arms around her, nuzzling the back of her head gently, wordlessly.
For uncountable minutes, Relena was still, as if she didn't even notice. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks, falling against the black leather and staying there. Then, finally, when Heero was sure that she was going to shove him back out the door, she whispered, "Why?"
Heero kissed her neck, knowing it would be all right. He wasn't ready to say it yet, for words were bleak and pathetic for how they should be used. That's why it would have broken her spirit so; His actions this morning contradicted those last night, his true self that loved her selflessly, endlessly. It was his own emotions that betrayed him and led him to freedom. "Because even the best of us can make misjudgments."
~~@[~*,~]@~~
Duo sniffed and pretended to wipe a tear away. "Awww . . . that was so sweet. Heero's I'm-Sorry story beats mine a billion points up." He clapped his hands together. "Ah, young love— Damn, stop it already! Okay okay OKAY!!"
Wufei removed his thumb from Duo's jugular vein. "Please, continue."
Heero shrugged. "That's about it. That's how it all happened, and I guess maybe I got a little carried away, but . . ."
Relena squeezed his hand, head against his shoulder. "I hardly think you don't trust them that much."
"I would never repeat that story," said Quatre, openly horrified at betraying who he thought to be some of his closest friends like that. "I hope you never even thought of it that way! How would you ever think of us violating that trust?"
"I didn't - " Heero cut off, realizing that Quatre would never have normally accused him of that, just as Duo normally wouldn't have been that annoying in a serious conversation. Everyone was overly nervous.
Relena sipped her tea again, trying to draw attention away from the pointlessly debatable issue. "I was able to persuade Heero to come home. We found this house, a secluded property like he wanted. To tell you the truth, we probably would have never married if the media had kept interfering with us. I'm glad after all about Heero's desire to stay quiet. This is a nice peace of property and relatively inexpensive because it's in the country."
"Don't you ever worry about money?" asked Trowa. "So close to Tokyo, it seems like this place would still be hideously expensive."
Relena shrugged. "Not really. I inherited quite a bit of money when my father died, and you'd be surprised how much Heero's made working from home."
"Not to mention all that money we got as compensation from the government," added Quatre. "I could survive for the rest of my life on that much cash."
"But raising kids is expensive, remember. I put quite a dent in that grant just from raising Mariemaia," Trowa pointed out. "And she hasn't even started college yet."
"She'd be seventeen now, wouldn't she?" Relena leaned forward. "Will she be starting next year?"
Trowa nodded. "Yes. To tell you the truth . . . I don't want her to go. I've become very attached to the kid."
"We'll be joining the club sooner or later," sighed Heero, thinking a little wistfully of his own daughter. "I think I know how you feel, Trowa."
Duo looked back and forth between Trowa and Heero. "Man, that sounds really weird coming from you guys."
Heero caught Relena's eye. "Doesn't it?"
********************************************
*Sniffs* Sorry about the mushiness, guys, but I couldn't help it. (I tried to compensate by the putting in funny parts. Did it work?) Well, you heard Duo talk about Sophie a little, and it turns out she's got a bit of a surprise in store for poor Duo. Also, I have the conclusion to Heero and Relena's story – Heero learns about his past! The next chapter in AC 206: The Change Time Brings: "Surprise, Surprise".