Hannah.

"Where do we head off to?" I asked Seamus.
"Well, Hogsmeade is the closest place, but I assume that they'll find us really easily there...The nearest wizarding community is in France...but why would we want to meet up with French people..."
"Hold up, I have an idea...do you have any knowledge of how to turn things into Portkeys?" I asked.
"Well...damn, they just taught that last week...Why didn't I pay attention in class?"
"JUST TRY. Try or else we'll both be dogmeat..."
"Okay....NISIR WALTUO..." Seamus instantly changed the brooms into some Portkeys. "Now, it's going to take a couple minutes, so just concentrate on where you want them to go to and we'll be fine..." I quickly grabbed his broomstick and thought. "Hmmm, let's see...The Network, the Sorceress and her Knight, Voldemort, and the Yakuza are searching for me in England, so logically I should go back home...PORTKEYS, TAKE US TO THE CLOSEST THING TO TYPICAL AMERICA..." In an instant, the brooms changed over and planted us cleanly.

"Dude, where are we?" Seamus asked.
"Hmmm...we're somewhere...we've been placed into a mall...YES! We made it to America! Now let's see those people get me!" I shouted.
"Um, dude...all of the people in the Harry Potter universe are in England...how are we going to find someone who can be interviewed?" Seamus asked.
"Hmmm...Are there wizarding schools in the United States?" I asked.
"Of course. Heard about a list of all of them. Hogwarts has got some exchange based schools, but...no, there's a problem..."
"What is it?"
"The two wizarding schools that we have exchanges with are both in the New England area. Do you have any way of telling where we are?"
"Um, dude...Of course! All we have to do is get some way to find the placement of this mall in comparison to the others, find some invisibility cloaks and get to New England, find the schools, and we're in clover..."
"Hey, Seamus! What are you doing in this country? Did you take foreign exchange too? Who's your friend?" Hannah Abbott asked.
"Um, Alan..."
"Quiet...I'm thinking..."
"Well, why don't we just use Hannah here?" Seamus asked.
"PERFECT! Hold up, we'll need to find someone who'll do this...Hi..."
"Yes?" the person asked.
"How'd you like to interview this girl here for my TV show, Harry Potter Fanatics!, now on equal footing due to a lack of hit count?" I asked.
"Sure...let's go. How's the food court to take place for it?" the person asked.
"Fine...let's all go..." The four headed over to the mall's food court.

"HELLO, everyone, welcome to another edition of Harry Potter Fanatics! I'm Alan Smithee, this is my sidekick Seamus Finnigan..."
"Charmed..."
"And we've come to the United States to both hide from the people trying to get me and help people interview Harry Potter stars! Tonight's episode involves...name?"
"Um, Izzy..."
"Yes, Izzy and Hannah Abbott!"

Opening remarks...

"Whoa...this is really cool...I bet my parents won't mind if I'm a little late if it's to be on MTV for an episode...Who am I kidding, they won't believe it..."

"You're sure this guy is on the level, Seamus?"
"Of course he is. I wouldn't travel across the pond with any old person, would I?"
"I guess...Eh, it beats doing work..."
"Yeah...work sucks."

"Hey, what's up?"
"I really don't know as much as you don't...So, what are your main questions?"

"Okay, well.... As you are the only Hufflepuff being interviewed, I would like to know
what you think of the stereotypes..."

"Well, I think that the stereotypes are just bad things in general. I mean, at least most of the Hufflepuff stereotypes are good things about us (i.e. we may be a bunch of duffers, but we're at least willing to work for what we want), but even if a stereotype is that 'All (INSERT GROUP HERE) are really nice, smart, amazing, and stunningly pretty', it's still a horrible thing to say to someone. I'd think the world would be a much better place if everyone would just get to know everyone else, know how they are as people, then make conclusions about what type of person they are from that."

"I see... I'd like to know about Susan Bones. How'd she survive when her
family was supposed to be killed by Voldemort?"

"Well, To tell you the truth, I never really asked about her family. I mean, I didn't even know her family was killed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named until you just told me. I'd guess that either she was being watched by someone else at the time she was killed, she was just not marked for death by him for some reason (possibly assumed she'd never survive without her family...), or she also survived like Potter did, but didn't break the powers like he did at the time."

"Were you frightened when Justin was petrified?"

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little frightened. I mean, no matter what you think will happen in these cases, if you get to know a person for about a year and a half and they suddenly get turned to stone, you get a little scared of what will happen next. I'm actually a little surprised that I wasn't targeted as well (I was mostly born from a wizarding family, but my parents traced back their genealogy and found that my mother's mother's mother was Muggle-born...I guess that the psycho basilisk didn't go after stuff that far back...)"

"Who's your favorite teacher, and why?"

"To tell you the truth...I don't know. I think that most of the teachers have their moments in each class. If you want to be entertained, you go to the revolving Defense against the Dark Arts class, if you want to be bogged down with work, you go to Transfiguration, if you want a complete and utter buzzkill, you go to Potions...Anyways, I'd probably have to say Sprout, if only because you just don't want to get on the head of your house's bad side."

"There seem to be a lot of rumors going around about who you're dating, mostly about either Neville or Ernie. Can you clarify those for us?"

"First off, who would claim I would show any interest in Neville? He's an okay guy, but come on! He's just...not what I would be interested in for boyfriend material. I will admit I went with Ernie for a short period last year. You know, that whole thing where you're going out but aren't really committed to each other? He's an okay guy, great to be around...I figure that he's great boyfriend material if I ever want a legitimate one. He's no Neville, but I'll manage... ::laughs::"

"Hey, what about me, Hannah? Don't you want to feel Finnigan's Wake?"

"Oh, yeah, Seamus. I need you badly. Take me now, up against the Quizno's stand."

"Okay...Are there any random things we should know about you?"

"Depends. If this is going to the wizarding audience: I just turned 15, I'm in Hufflepuff, I'm just your average teenage witch. If this is going to be seen by Muggles...: I am the Dark Princess Azazoth. I practice Wicca. My life is nothing but casting spells to get dates to the dance or fighting very evil creatures. (I probably should have mentioned that while I hate stereotypes, I love to mess with Muggles' preconcieved views of witches and wizards. That's probably the one reason that Muggles and magic people can't really get along...most Muggles are so closed-minded that it's insane. Hopefully, that will change and magic people and non-magic people can finally live without problems, but that'd probably never be. I mean, come on, if there's problems between Muggles just because of stuff like who their parents were, what they believe, and who they want to bone, there'll probably never be peace between people who could turn them into something icky at will...)"

Well... why in the hell did you think Sirius Black was a flowering shrub?"

"Who knows where thoughts come from, they just...appear. I didn't have any other good idea how he got into the castle at the time, so you have to go with something that would be so completely bizzare that it would have to have some nugget of truth in it. Plus, I WAS in Herbology at the time...that class can give you some strange ideas..."

"Well, thank you for your interview..."
"You're welcome...Hey, as long as we're here, are you hungry right now? The smell of bad fast food calls..."

Closing:

"This was so cool! I mean, she was really down-to-earth...Look, she signed my plate from Sbarro! I've GOT to put this in my collection..."

"Well, that was nice...This is making TV, right?"
"For the last time, of course it is. The guy's all right...(I didn't have the heart to tell him yet, but the reason he got us here is because he's obviously a wizard who doesn't yet know it...)"
"What's this I hear?" I asked.
"Nothing, Alan..." the two replied.

"Well, this was our show. For all of us at Harry Potter Fanatics, I'm Alan Smithee, saying...Good Day..."

"YAAAAAHAHAAHHHHHHHHH!" Izzy screamed as a light picked her up.

"What happened?" Seamus asked.
"I don't know...there was a light...Where's Izzy?" Suddenly, Izzy's body was sent back down, turned inside out...
"Ug...I think I'm going to be sick...." Hannah screamed.
"I told you...Mall food court sushi is not to be trusted, but would you listen to me? NOOOOO...." I replied.
"Get them..." a voice called out. Suddenly, three lights came and took me, Seamus, and Hannah away.

"Um...what happened?" I asked.
"I don't know...we appear to be in the dungeon somewhere..." Seamus replied. Hannah paused for a moment, then replied: "This is the LAST time I go in with your wild plans..."