"Dammit...Where are we?" Seamus asked.
"You will find out in due time," the guard replied.
"Look, I need an answer. I thought I was getting a good thing. Big name, go from being another follower on FF8 Fanatics to my own big-name spinoff. Now, I've got Voldemort on my tail, another psycho sorceress and her knight following me, I've got a dementor who wants to kiss me, I've got the Yakuza on my tail, I REALLY NEED A FUCKING ANSWER RIGHT ABOUT NOW!" I shouted.
"Okay, okay. Let me let you out and you'll see..." the guard let us out to reveal their true identitys.
"NO! They're aliens!" Hannah screamed.
"DAMMIT! Why am I always abducted by aliens to end these things?" I asked.
"We're just sending you to our other-worldly zoo, don't get all...angry..." one of the leaders said.
"But why us? We're just normal people!" Seamus replied.
"Because we needed you for our exhibit of interesting humans..." the alien replied. "psst...::this guy sounds like Hagrid's long-lost brother::...psst" Hannah whispered.
"But why us?"
"You each serve a purpose. You are a wizard, the girl is a witch..."
"And me?" I asked.
"You are the single most arrogant person in the universe. We need that." the alien replied.
"Oh, perfect..." I replied.
"Hold up...If we can show you our worth, will we be freed?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, yes you will..." The alien replied.
"Okay...that person in there, are they an exhibit as well?" I asked.
"Yes..."
"Bring her and that black dog over there to me. I'll handle the rest..." I replied.
"Why the dog?" Seamus asked.
"You'll see..."
"Hi, everyone, welcome to our outer-space episode of Harry Potter Fanatics! I am your host, Alan Smithee, with me are my familiars Seamus Finnigan and Hannah Abbott..."
"WASSUP?"
"Yes. Tonight, we're going to have...name?"
"Um...Keira..."
"Keira...interview Sirius Black!"
"BLACK'S IN THE SPACESHIP? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?" Hannah screamed.
"Don't worry, I hear he's cool. Let's just get rolling...
Opening thoughts...
"Well, this day's turning out better...I wake up abducted by aliens, now I'm interviewing Sirius Black! This is so cool..."
"How will I get home?"
"Don't worry, Sirius, we'll handle it."
"Who are you three?"
"Um, we're all friends of Harry's, in the way that Seamus knows him pretty well, he and Hannah are acquaintances, and me and him have never technically met before..."
"Oh, all right..."
"SIRIUS! This is so cool!"
"You're telling me...I've traveled light-years just to do this..."
"Well, gee...there's so many questions I'd like to ask... If you could kiss one person who would it be?
"Well, The answer to that question depends on the moment in time. If it's at this moment in history, the choice would be easy. I would kiss Lily or James, because the fact that I would be able to would mean that they would be alive and the entire last thirteen years of my life would have been just some bad dream."
"Okay...If you had to choose between Harry and the woman of your dreams, who would it be?"
"To save their lives? I would choose Harry without thinking. Harry's already tried his best to save my life beforehand, and it is my duty to make sure he's all right. If it's just to spend time with at one point, it'd be the woman of my dreams, because, hey, Harry'd probably be cool with it, right?"
"Ah...this is going to sound a little weird, but have you 'broken the maiden' yet?"
"Um, Of course I did. Between being one of the most popular students at Hogwarts and getting all the women there, being in the circles I was in after school ended and getting women to want me there, and being the "pretty boy" in Azkaban for 12 years, I can safely say I've gotten my fair share."
"Okay...Chocolate or vanilla?"
"Easy. That swirl thing you get at soft-serve places. I mean, if you can not have to choose, it's nothing but a good thing, right?"
" Yes...If two women walked up to you, one blond, the other brunette, who would you choose?"
"I would talk to them both and determine who I'd go for from their personality. Any guy that would actually choose from looks alone is crazy..."
"Hey, Sirius! Be cool with that stuff, man! Just because I don't share your style for that..." Seamus replied.
"Don't worry, man, it's all cool if you prefer looks."
Okay...This is going to be tough, but... What is it really like in Azkaban?"
"If I told those people what it was like, they wouldn't believe it. It was like a hell; dementors going around your cell determined to make sure you would never be happy again, having to hear the cries of all the people who weren't lucky enough to have a thought that could keep them sane...I just wouldn't recommend it to most people."
" Who is the one person you wish you could be related to?"
"I'd probably say Harry, if only because then there'd be no risk of any weirdness by those who don't pay attention to godfathers. If I could choose the aging as well, I'd easily pick Voldemort and be his older brother, because everyone knows the older brother can kick the younger brother's ass, and I'd love to beat the hell out of him more than anyone could know."
"Well, thanks for doing the interview, Sirius."
"You're welcome..."
"Well, aliens, what'd you think?" I asked.
"That was just horrid. We don't want you in OUR zoos...we'll just find other people instead..." the aliens replied.
"YEAH! We did it!"
"Well, we ARE going to have to do some tests..."
Closing thoughts...
"I don't believe it. I really would have never suspected anything was wrong with Sirius, I mean, he was just so...cool...like some older brother type..."
"COMMENCE ANAL PROBING."
"OW...."
"I really think this was good, at least to kill some time.... At least it went well...A little too interested in things that I wanted to keep silent, but still..."
"COMMENCE ANAL PROBING."
"Oof...It NEVER gets any easier..."
"Well, that was the apparent season finale of this sect of Harry Potter Fanatics. Watch for the next call for fanatics coming soon. For all of us at HPF, I'm Alan Smithee..."
"I'm Seamus Finnigan...",
"And I'm Hannah Abbott..."
"And we bid you a pleasant tomorrow..."
"COMMENCE ANAL PROBING..."
"OWWWWWWWWWWW......"
"Ug......"
"Mmmmmm...."
"SEAMUS?"
"What? It's all...nice and stuff..."
"You will find out in due time," the guard replied.
"Look, I need an answer. I thought I was getting a good thing. Big name, go from being another follower on FF8 Fanatics to my own big-name spinoff. Now, I've got Voldemort on my tail, another psycho sorceress and her knight following me, I've got a dementor who wants to kiss me, I've got the Yakuza on my tail, I REALLY NEED A FUCKING ANSWER RIGHT ABOUT NOW!" I shouted.
"Okay, okay. Let me let you out and you'll see..." the guard let us out to reveal their true identitys.
"NO! They're aliens!" Hannah screamed.
"DAMMIT! Why am I always abducted by aliens to end these things?" I asked.
"We're just sending you to our other-worldly zoo, don't get all...angry..." one of the leaders said.
"But why us? We're just normal people!" Seamus replied.
"Because we needed you for our exhibit of interesting humans..." the alien replied. "psst...::this guy sounds like Hagrid's long-lost brother::...psst" Hannah whispered.
"But why us?"
"You each serve a purpose. You are a wizard, the girl is a witch..."
"And me?" I asked.
"You are the single most arrogant person in the universe. We need that." the alien replied.
"Oh, perfect..." I replied.
"Hold up...If we can show you our worth, will we be freed?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, yes you will..." The alien replied.
"Okay...that person in there, are they an exhibit as well?" I asked.
"Yes..."
"Bring her and that black dog over there to me. I'll handle the rest..." I replied.
"Why the dog?" Seamus asked.
"You'll see..."
"Hi, everyone, welcome to our outer-space episode of Harry Potter Fanatics! I am your host, Alan Smithee, with me are my familiars Seamus Finnigan and Hannah Abbott..."
"WASSUP?"
"Yes. Tonight, we're going to have...name?"
"Um...Keira..."
"Keira...interview Sirius Black!"
"BLACK'S IN THE SPACESHIP? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?" Hannah screamed.
"Don't worry, I hear he's cool. Let's just get rolling...
Opening thoughts...
"Well, this day's turning out better...I wake up abducted by aliens, now I'm interviewing Sirius Black! This is so cool..."
"How will I get home?"
"Don't worry, Sirius, we'll handle it."
"Who are you three?"
"Um, we're all friends of Harry's, in the way that Seamus knows him pretty well, he and Hannah are acquaintances, and me and him have never technically met before..."
"Oh, all right..."
"SIRIUS! This is so cool!"
"You're telling me...I've traveled light-years just to do this..."
"Well, gee...there's so many questions I'd like to ask... If you could kiss one person who would it be?
"Well, The answer to that question depends on the moment in time. If it's at this moment in history, the choice would be easy. I would kiss Lily or James, because the fact that I would be able to would mean that they would be alive and the entire last thirteen years of my life would have been just some bad dream."
"Okay...If you had to choose between Harry and the woman of your dreams, who would it be?"
"To save their lives? I would choose Harry without thinking. Harry's already tried his best to save my life beforehand, and it is my duty to make sure he's all right. If it's just to spend time with at one point, it'd be the woman of my dreams, because, hey, Harry'd probably be cool with it, right?"
"Ah...this is going to sound a little weird, but have you 'broken the maiden' yet?"
"Um, Of course I did. Between being one of the most popular students at Hogwarts and getting all the women there, being in the circles I was in after school ended and getting women to want me there, and being the "pretty boy" in Azkaban for 12 years, I can safely say I've gotten my fair share."
"Okay...Chocolate or vanilla?"
"Easy. That swirl thing you get at soft-serve places. I mean, if you can not have to choose, it's nothing but a good thing, right?"
" Yes...If two women walked up to you, one blond, the other brunette, who would you choose?"
"I would talk to them both and determine who I'd go for from their personality. Any guy that would actually choose from looks alone is crazy..."
"Hey, Sirius! Be cool with that stuff, man! Just because I don't share your style for that..." Seamus replied.
"Don't worry, man, it's all cool if you prefer looks."
Okay...This is going to be tough, but... What is it really like in Azkaban?"
"If I told those people what it was like, they wouldn't believe it. It was like a hell; dementors going around your cell determined to make sure you would never be happy again, having to hear the cries of all the people who weren't lucky enough to have a thought that could keep them sane...I just wouldn't recommend it to most people."
" Who is the one person you wish you could be related to?"
"I'd probably say Harry, if only because then there'd be no risk of any weirdness by those who don't pay attention to godfathers. If I could choose the aging as well, I'd easily pick Voldemort and be his older brother, because everyone knows the older brother can kick the younger brother's ass, and I'd love to beat the hell out of him more than anyone could know."
"Well, thanks for doing the interview, Sirius."
"You're welcome..."
"Well, aliens, what'd you think?" I asked.
"That was just horrid. We don't want you in OUR zoos...we'll just find other people instead..." the aliens replied.
"YEAH! We did it!"
"Well, we ARE going to have to do some tests..."
Closing thoughts...
"I don't believe it. I really would have never suspected anything was wrong with Sirius, I mean, he was just so...cool...like some older brother type..."
"COMMENCE ANAL PROBING."
"OW...."
"I really think this was good, at least to kill some time.... At least it went well...A little too interested in things that I wanted to keep silent, but still..."
"COMMENCE ANAL PROBING."
"Oof...It NEVER gets any easier..."
"Well, that was the apparent season finale of this sect of Harry Potter Fanatics. Watch for the next call for fanatics coming soon. For all of us at HPF, I'm Alan Smithee..."
"I'm Seamus Finnigan...",
"And I'm Hannah Abbott..."
"And we bid you a pleasant tomorrow..."
"COMMENCE ANAL PROBING..."
"OWWWWWWWWWWW......"
"Ug......"
"Mmmmmm...."
"SEAMUS?"
"What? It's all...nice and stuff..."