"Look, Dumbledore, I can't talk right now. Apparently, Voldemort's on my tail and he's bringing dementors, Fanfic writers, and wrestlers to destroy me. To top this off, one of my bodyguards has apparently lost her soul..." I replied.
"Oh, really? Well, there's only one thing to do..." Dumbledore took his wand out. "Get out of the way, Mr. Finnigan..." he yelled right before pointing his wand at the soulless Hannah. "AVADA KEDAVRA..." In an instant, Hannah was killed.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? Now one of us is going to have to wear a thong!" I yelled.
"It was for the best. Without a soul, life's not worth living..." Dumbledore replied.
"But...but..." Seamus started to cry.
"Dude, what's wrong? Boys don't cry. We leave that for goths." I said.
"I..I really wanted to bone her, man..." I quickly checked the body.
"Don't worry...she's still warm..."
"DUDE!" Seamus replied.
"Um, there'll be none of that. You've got to leave for a safe place. Look, here's the address for a place that'll take you two in..." Dumbledore took a cocktail napkin and wrote the address down.
"Well, that settles it...How do we get rid of the body?" Seamus asked.
"Um...just do as is customary in wizarding tradition for those who need to make a run for it...Throw her to the Necrophiliacs!" Dumbledore shouted.
"Perfect!" I replied. We quickly dumped off the body and signaled for the Knight Bus.
"Where are y' going?" Stan asked.
"Greetings. My name is, um, Troy Philips...This is my little sidekick, Buck Naked..."
"HEY!" Seamus replied.
"We need to get to...Beauxbatons...immediately."
"Oy! We'll get you there in no time!" We took some seats and started to go.
"So, where you two heading?" the person next to us asked.
"Beauxbatons Institute...you?" I replied.
"Same place....Wait, aren't you..."
"No. We are Buck Naked and Troy Philips..."
"No, wait! IT'S ALAN SMITHEE AND SEAMUS FINNIGAN! EEEEE!" the person replied.
"Hold up...keep it silent...Voldemort's after us...How'd you like to be on the show for silence?"
"Sure!"
"Excellent...We'll pick the person there...Name?"
"Um, Starfish Girl..." the person replied.
"Excellent..."
"Oh, my mistake...Wrong people..." Starfish Girl replied. The bus eventually made it to Beauxbatons by daybreak.
"Well, we're here..." Instantly, Madame Maxime came over to us. "Dumbly-Dorr has told me about your predikament...Welcome, welcome..."
"Hi, Madame...Maxime, is it?"
"Yes...yes..."
"Listen, we're sojourning hosts of a TV show...Harry Potter Fanatics!..."
"Yes, I've heard of it..."
"Would you allow this person to be your interviewee for us...?"
"Um, sure..."
"Hi, welcome to Harry Potter Fanatics! I'm Alan Smithee, this is my sidekick Seamus Finnigan, and our third member, Hannah Abbott, is dead and has the night off accordingly. Tonight, we'll have Starfish Girl interview Madame Maxime!"
Opening Thoughts:
"Wow! I get to be on Harry Potter Fanatics! I wonder what to ask...and Madame Maxime? She's so cool..."
"Well, this will be good...I hear this show's popular in wizarding communities..."
"Madame Maxime?"
"Ah! Welcome to Beauxbatons!"
"Well, I have a few questions..."
"Fire away..."
"Well...What is your honest opinion of Fleur Delacour?"
"I was honestly a little surprised that she was our champion. I honestly would have only picked her around fifth or sixth at best. She was really good at her subjects and was one of our prefects, but she has this tendency to be more interested in boys than in studying...Well, who am I to argue with the goblet?"
"I see...What's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
"I'm sorry, but I've never tried ice cream. I have no idea what my favorite flavor would be...(What? I try to watch my weight.)"
"What kind of a student were you at school?"
"I was an excellent student while at school; otherwise, why would they have made me Headmistress at an institution? I mean, honestly, that shouldn't have been a surprise!"
"What do you fear the most?"
"People...finding out the truth. I really only have one secret, but it is one that I'll take to my grave..."
"What pets do you have?"
"I don't really have too many pets. Just the school owls and my winged horses, really. After all, why have a pet that serves no useful purpose?"
"Yes, well...Do you enjoy Quidditch?"
"I've been known to watch a few games, yes. Beauxbatons has always prided itself on its great Quidditch championships; since the World Cup started, at least one player for Fra...er, the country we are stationed in has had a Beauxbatons grad at some starting position, and often at least two more in reserve."
"Final question...What is really going on with you and Hagrid?"
"That...oaf? To think that I'd actually show interest in him! He's mangy, he's half-giant, he's...low-class...no, I was just trying to be nice to him in the spirit of the tournament. No more, no less...."
"Thank you for your time..."
Closing views...
"Wow! She was...nice...a little stuck-up, but still..."
"Whoa...that was a few minutes of my life I can't take back..."
"Well, thank you for your time..."
"Wait, you two!"
"Ah, yes, what would you like?"
"Well, I heard how your...eye candy died, so..." Madame Maxime instantly stripped down to a small top and a thong and began to shake her booty.
"NO! KILL ME, SEAMUS, KILL ME!" I yelled.
"I'M NOT KILLING YOU, WHO'LL KILL ME?" Seamus replied.
"I will..." Voldemort replied. Instantly, he pointed his wand at us..."AVADA KEDAVRA..." However, we both ducked behind Madame Maxime as it struck her, killing her instantly.
"Dammit...where do we head to get away from here... HELLO....International Amateur Quidditch Tournament...See the top stars of all the finest schools before they become the superstars of tomorrow! Can you say...hideout?" I asked.
"Um, I think so..."
"Let's go!"
"Oh, really? Well, there's only one thing to do..." Dumbledore took his wand out. "Get out of the way, Mr. Finnigan..." he yelled right before pointing his wand at the soulless Hannah. "AVADA KEDAVRA..." In an instant, Hannah was killed.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? Now one of us is going to have to wear a thong!" I yelled.
"It was for the best. Without a soul, life's not worth living..." Dumbledore replied.
"But...but..." Seamus started to cry.
"Dude, what's wrong? Boys don't cry. We leave that for goths." I said.
"I..I really wanted to bone her, man..." I quickly checked the body.
"Don't worry...she's still warm..."
"DUDE!" Seamus replied.
"Um, there'll be none of that. You've got to leave for a safe place. Look, here's the address for a place that'll take you two in..." Dumbledore took a cocktail napkin and wrote the address down.
"Well, that settles it...How do we get rid of the body?" Seamus asked.
"Um...just do as is customary in wizarding tradition for those who need to make a run for it...Throw her to the Necrophiliacs!" Dumbledore shouted.
"Perfect!" I replied. We quickly dumped off the body and signaled for the Knight Bus.
"Where are y' going?" Stan asked.
"Greetings. My name is, um, Troy Philips...This is my little sidekick, Buck Naked..."
"HEY!" Seamus replied.
"We need to get to...Beauxbatons...immediately."
"Oy! We'll get you there in no time!" We took some seats and started to go.
"So, where you two heading?" the person next to us asked.
"Beauxbatons Institute...you?" I replied.
"Same place....Wait, aren't you..."
"No. We are Buck Naked and Troy Philips..."
"No, wait! IT'S ALAN SMITHEE AND SEAMUS FINNIGAN! EEEEE!" the person replied.
"Hold up...keep it silent...Voldemort's after us...How'd you like to be on the show for silence?"
"Sure!"
"Excellent...We'll pick the person there...Name?"
"Um, Starfish Girl..." the person replied.
"Excellent..."
"Oh, my mistake...Wrong people..." Starfish Girl replied. The bus eventually made it to Beauxbatons by daybreak.
"Well, we're here..." Instantly, Madame Maxime came over to us. "Dumbly-Dorr has told me about your predikament...Welcome, welcome..."
"Hi, Madame...Maxime, is it?"
"Yes...yes..."
"Listen, we're sojourning hosts of a TV show...Harry Potter Fanatics!..."
"Yes, I've heard of it..."
"Would you allow this person to be your interviewee for us...?"
"Um, sure..."
"Hi, welcome to Harry Potter Fanatics! I'm Alan Smithee, this is my sidekick Seamus Finnigan, and our third member, Hannah Abbott, is dead and has the night off accordingly. Tonight, we'll have Starfish Girl interview Madame Maxime!"
Opening Thoughts:
"Wow! I get to be on Harry Potter Fanatics! I wonder what to ask...and Madame Maxime? She's so cool..."
"Well, this will be good...I hear this show's popular in wizarding communities..."
"Madame Maxime?"
"Ah! Welcome to Beauxbatons!"
"Well, I have a few questions..."
"Fire away..."
"Well...What is your honest opinion of Fleur Delacour?"
"I was honestly a little surprised that she was our champion. I honestly would have only picked her around fifth or sixth at best. She was really good at her subjects and was one of our prefects, but she has this tendency to be more interested in boys than in studying...Well, who am I to argue with the goblet?"
"I see...What's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
"I'm sorry, but I've never tried ice cream. I have no idea what my favorite flavor would be...(What? I try to watch my weight.)"
"What kind of a student were you at school?"
"I was an excellent student while at school; otherwise, why would they have made me Headmistress at an institution? I mean, honestly, that shouldn't have been a surprise!"
"What do you fear the most?"
"People...finding out the truth. I really only have one secret, but it is one that I'll take to my grave..."
"What pets do you have?"
"I don't really have too many pets. Just the school owls and my winged horses, really. After all, why have a pet that serves no useful purpose?"
"Yes, well...Do you enjoy Quidditch?"
"I've been known to watch a few games, yes. Beauxbatons has always prided itself on its great Quidditch championships; since the World Cup started, at least one player for Fra...er, the country we are stationed in has had a Beauxbatons grad at some starting position, and often at least two more in reserve."
"Final question...What is really going on with you and Hagrid?"
"That...oaf? To think that I'd actually show interest in him! He's mangy, he's half-giant, he's...low-class...no, I was just trying to be nice to him in the spirit of the tournament. No more, no less...."
"Thank you for your time..."
Closing views...
"Wow! She was...nice...a little stuck-up, but still..."
"Whoa...that was a few minutes of my life I can't take back..."
"Well, thank you for your time..."
"Wait, you two!"
"Ah, yes, what would you like?"
"Well, I heard how your...eye candy died, so..." Madame Maxime instantly stripped down to a small top and a thong and began to shake her booty.
"NO! KILL ME, SEAMUS, KILL ME!" I yelled.
"I'M NOT KILLING YOU, WHO'LL KILL ME?" Seamus replied.
"I will..." Voldemort replied. Instantly, he pointed his wand at us..."AVADA KEDAVRA..." However, we both ducked behind Madame Maxime as it struck her, killing her instantly.
"Dammit...where do we head to get away from here... HELLO....International Amateur Quidditch Tournament...See the top stars of all the finest schools before they become the superstars of tomorrow! Can you say...hideout?" I asked.
"Um, I think so..."
"Let's go!"