I promise you guys, this one's funny.

If you really want to know, In the year AC 206, Wufei's getting married to a Thai woman named Phailin and Duo decides he's acting a little too cheery. 'Nuff said. (If you want to know more, read previous chapters.)

AC 206: The Change Time Brings (Part X)

The Bachelor Party

Duo finally got to talk with Wufei a few minutes later, when Phailin had gone to talk to her mother. "We looked rosy-cheeked this evening. Taking some time to relax, Wu-man?"

"Yeah. It's done me good. How's your finger?"

"Hurts like Hell." Duo gave him a strange look. "What's with all the anti-hostility. You hate that nickname."

"Take a walk with Sophie. You'll see."

"Dude, you haven't been eating weird mushrooms or licking frogs or anything, have you?"

"I haven't even had anything to drink," Wufei said.

"Dehydration. Maybe that's the problem—"

"Alcohol."

"Oh." Duo averted his eyes and found an excuse to get away. Wufei was creeping him out.

"Stop being so paranoid," Sophie told him. "You weren't acting too different ten days before our wedding. Every guy must go through this phase. I'm not going to mention how you've been since I told you I was pregnant, either."

Duo grinned. "All right, I get it." He brushed her stomach. "But I can't help it."

"He probably can't, either." Sophie kissed him. "I think Wufei needs a distraction . . ."

Duo listened gleefully. "You know, that doesn't sound like a bad idea."

~~@[~*~]@~~

The night before the wedding, Wufei was walking alone by the shore a little way from the village; he wasn't allowed to be with Phailin that night. He stood by the sea, a torch in his hand, watching the scene with a profound sense of inner peace. Everything was right.

There was a sudden hissed argument from the bushes: "I don't—"

"Just do it, man!"

He ignored them. Whatever it was, it wasn't his problem.

"Fine, I'll do it!" It was Duo. The man stumbled on a rock in the darkness, but eventually got close enough to clap Wufei on the shoulder. "Hey, buddy, how about a trip into town with the guys tonight, eh?"

"I don't really feel like it. I've got to get to sleep soon. I don't want to be tired in the morning." Wufei shrugged. "Sorry to disappoint."

"The wedding's not until evening."

"So? The preparations start in the morning." Wufei gently pried Duo's fingers off his shoulder.

"Please?"

"No."

Duo looked annoyed. This obviously wasn't going to his expectations. "Fine, time for plan B. He seized Wufei's arms before the stronger man could even formulate a reaction. "QUATRE, THE CHLOROFORM!!"

Something cold was pressed up to Wufei's nose and he blacked out.

~~@[~*~]@~~

"What are you up to now?" yawned Heero as Duo yanked him away from Relena and Akiko. He was told the "plan" and sighed. "I really don't have a choice, do I? Do me a favor and promise you'll let me keep you from doing something stupid." He told Relena where he was being taken and bid his family goodnight. Behind him, Relena shook her head in mirth.

Phailin's grandfather had leant them use of the village's one motorboat, which the four pilots plus the unconscious Wufei used to go to the nearest city, twenty kilometers down. They docked and showed ID to the guy who owned the rickety wooden structure, who laughed at their story and led them inside a building. Trowa deposited Wufei in a chair and Duo waved a bottle under Wufei's nose.

Wufei shouted and sat up straight, eyes wild. He noticed Duo and grabbed him by the collar. "Where the Hell have you taken me, Maxwell?"

Duo snickered. "Look around."

"Cheesy techno music, lots of scumbags and a bar. Let's not miss the stage and the hideous glittery curtains. I've seen a strip club before, dumbass!"

Heero held up five fingers to the nearest bunny. "We're throwing you a bachelor party, you moron. Just tolerate it so Duo doesn't go insane, all right? You're not getting out of here uninjured if you resist, you know. This might be a little fun."

Wufei sighed as the waitress handed him a beer. "Bottoms up," he muttered.

Quatre took his a little uneasily. "Oh, right," Duo said, grabbing for the bottle. "You're not supposed to have alcohol. I forgot."

The blonde backed out of his reach. "N-no, I can handle it."

"Um, Quatre, do you know how strong Thai beer is?" Heero took a swig of his, motioning to Wufei, who was already quickly leaving sobriety.

"I'm FINE. Leave me alone." Quatre huffed, and took what he intended to be a manly drink; only he looked like a kid trying to pass by on a fake ID.

"For God's Sake, he's twenty-six and he's never had a beer. Poor deprived soul," Duo said. "No wonder he's never had any fun."

"Twenty-nine sisters, mind you," Heero told him

They both shivered.

"Somebody shoot me," said Wufei suddenly, pointing. "Karaoke."

The three of them shuddered.

A guy who looked about forty climbed up to the Karaoke stage, weaving and babbling in Thai, began to attempt to sing a very familiar song. "Hey, isn't that the really annoying song that got written into our gundam's computers by that guy that built the ship that was supposed to carry them into the sun? I got so sick of it!" Trowa said (referring, of course, to White Reflection).

The four grown men groaned.

Somebody tried to climb up with the old guy and sing the harmony. The boys were subconsciously trying not to listen/look/think about it when they actually realized the harmony part (which is by all means impossible to sing) actually sounded pretty good. Duo risked a glance, and began to tap Heero's shoulder very hard until the Japanese man, trying to enjoy his drink, punched him. "What do you want??"

"Red alert," Duo whimpered. "It's— it's—"

"Dammit, I knew we shouldn't have let him have that drink!" Quatre was up on stage, in Zero System Mode, grinning like a maniac. Correction: a maniac grinning.

Trowa, unable to stand the damn song any longer, stalked up to the stage and grabbed Quatre's leg, trying to yank him offstage. "You're making a bacca out of yourself, you bonehead!"

Laughing insanely, Quatre fell on top of him. "Tro-san, I didn't know you cared!" Trowa felt a very disturbing sensation and Quatre, still on top of him, kissed him.

"Gah!" Eyes wide as salad plates, Trowa scrambled up off the floor. "You freak!"

The other three pilots watched in horror. "My God, he's a fruitbasket!" Duo squeaked. He then immediately turned around and demanded another beer. Wufei was already half a bottle ahead of him. Trowa, traumatized, went straight for the hard stuff.

"Haven't been asked for one of those in a while," muttered the bartender, reaching under the counter.

Several men pushed an unconscious Quatre into a corner. One down, Thought Heero, his wife's estimate of how many of the boys would actually make it home without hangovers— or even in a state of wakefulness— closer to being met. Of course, the only reason she'd said four would have been in a state of unawareness that Quatre was Homo and not allowed to be given alcohol. Oops.

The lights dimmed and, to the relief of everyone present, the Karaoke machine was shut down. Someone started speaking in Thai and some heavy-bass disco music was put on. Duo squealed and grabbed Wufei's arm. "C'mon, the girls are comin' on!"

"Leave me alone," Wufei growled, making Duo flinch.

"Okay, fine. Y'know, this is your bachelor party."

"Drugging isn't voluntary."

"Tch, forget you."

Duo accepted another beer and went to go cheer with the other drunken slobs. "Y'know, I think that guuy w's born with a perma— perma— continunuous boner," Trowa slurred, already on his third shot.

Wufei snorted. "And what makes you believe that? You been lookin' at his pants anytime recently?"

"What I meant— what I mean' was tha' he's too horny." Trowa said as if making a profound and moving speech. "Y'see, the fact o' the matter is, is, isisis that he can' seem to get 'nuff of women. The guy's gotta kid on th' way an' he can' stop staring at people of th' femalish persuasion that aren't his wife. T'me, mind, tha's asasasas good's cheatin'."

"Why did you think I didn't want to come?" muttered Wufei, clenching his beer bottle. "That dumbass Chatalerm is gonna try'n steal Phailin from me tomorrow and if I'll don't get sleep I'm gonna lose to'm. He slammed the bottle on the counter. "I can't lose her! Why don't any of you morons understand that??"

"Sir, is everything all right?" A bunny rubbed Wufei's shoulder.

"THIS IS THE LAST THING I NEED TONIGHT!!"

She backed away. "Sorry, sir."

Heero moved a stool down from Wufei and turned his attention to the runway to see how much of an ass Duo was making himself out to be. The man didn't have any Thai money, so he was basically cheering louder than the others. None of the girls seemed to speak English, but they were giggling and paying him more attention than the regulars. It wasn't everyday you met a lech that was young and cute. One girl, in a silver g-string, hauled him up onto the stage. Swaying and having what was probably the time of his life (for the moment anyway), Duo was trying his best to be a good erotic dancer.

Heero felt sick. Forget this, I'm not policing him. "Another beer, please," he ordered. He did, however, turn back around in time to witness Duo's spectacular collapse. They piled him into the corner with Quatre. The blonde, muttering, cuddled him, much to the amusement of those who'd witnessed the ordeal with Trowa.

"B'ter him th'n me," hiccoughed the lanky pilot when Heero called his attention to it. He turned back to the bartender, to whom he was trying to explain his philosophy on life. "Y'see, the thing is, the thing is, the thing is that there's thiss huge thing out out out there, I mean space. An' by space I mea' outer space, donchaknow, and outer space, which 's what I'm talkin' about here, is sosososo big. It's huge. I mean, if Earth were the size o' this cherrerry, outer space woul' be bigger than the whole world, know wha' I mean? 's so big you can' even see all the way to the en', mostly 'cause there isn' one. 'S infinite. See, so we're never gonna see it all, 'cause there's way too much of it. So y'see, our entire lives we walk 'round our little known world an' we get comfortatable, an' then suddenly you get off and you're floatin' in space, well, not really floatin' 'cause you're movin' and 's no gravity, bu' you're tumblin' in this nothingness and 's right there, and you could reach out'n touchit ififif it weren' for tha' you'd implo' yoreself. An' then y'see all those stars, an' you know they're so so so so so big 'cause tha's wha' you learn'd abou'em, see, but all they looks like 's someone holdin' a match a mile away. An' it makes you feel so alone, man. So, tha's when I realizzz'd tha' a person woul' die withou' other people. An' I knew tha' I had't have friends, even'f it's misser Soberer over dere or tha' guy with the braid tha' thinks he'se a anthro— anthro— anthingypomorphic person'fication [see footnote] o' the God o' Death or that gay blonde guy or th' one right here 's sobbin abou' gettin' married tomorrow. Well, I tell y'what, Wuwuwufei, yore a damn lucky guy to have Phailin'n 'm jealous myself." Trowa downed another glass, and didn't ask for another. The bartender sighed in relief, imaginings of having to sign death-by-intoxication certificates disappearing.

"Three down, one to go," Heero said as Trowa put his head on the counter. He was only mildly smashed. "You feelin' okay, Woof?"

Wufei continued to stare at the wall, beer bottle clenched so tight in his hand that the glass was acquiring hairline cracks.

I win, Heero thought. Then he realized that Wufei's arm was trembling, and the glass was tinking. There was a growing puddle of dark beer on the marble counter top. Yeesh, I didn't know a person could squeeze glass that hard, he thought.

Heero put his hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Wufei, calm down—"

With a shout, Wufei threw Heero backwards. The bottle in his hand shattered. "Don't you fucking tell me when I need to calm down, alright?? I'll be as pissed off as I want right now! I should be sleeping. I should be training. I should be preparing for tomorrow but instead I have to sit here with you fools, drinking cheap beer and watching that damn blonde Winner hit on Trowa. I didn't want to go have a last stand with some woman, I want a wife, and because of you I'm not going to get her!!"

Heero gingerly felt the back of his head from his position on the floor. There was blood on his fingers. "Dammit, probably reopened that wound again," he hissed under his breath. He stood up. "Look, Wufei, if you really want to go home, let's go. I'm not having the greatest time in the world, but I let Duo drag me out here because he's my friend. Come on, then, and try and detach Quatre so we can carry them outside."

Wufei shook his hand, which was bleeding from glass shards. Blood spattered on the ground. "And now look, my palm's torn up!"

Heero rolled his eyes. He drew back his fist and hit the Chinese man hard in the stomach. Wufei, staring at his hand, didn't even see it coming. "Uff!" Wufei doubled up, leaving his neck exposed. Heero was about to chop it but realized he's probably kill Wufei from that position. He looked down at him in pity.

Wufei's hand shot out and grabbed Heero's ankle. "Bacca, never— give— me— an— advantage!" he wheezed, knocking Heero out on the corner of the bar as he yanked his leg forward. He grinned. "I win."

Trowa elbowed him across the back of the head, and he flopped. Sipping some strong black coffee, the tall pilot, his hair slightly more static-y than normal gathered his four unconscious party-animal comrades and lugged them out to the waiting boat. "Ignorant Chang," he said, chuckling, "you haven't won until you've won."

******************************************

Footnote: An anthropomorphic personification is an event or natural occurrence that has been put in human form (like Shinigami, better known as Death or the God of Death).

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Short but sweet, my friends, plus a bit of a surprise ending. So, what'dya think?

Well, I'm getting serious again after this. Wufei and Phailin exchange worries, Chatalerm challenges Wufei to a duel over Phailin, and - okay, I can't tell you the rest, can I? The next chapter of my fic (And the last of the Wufei-Phailin wedding) is AC 206: The Change Time Brings (Part XI): "Vies, Vows, and Valedictions".