Part Six

May 2006

Dawn bounded down the stairs of her home, eager to get rid of whoever was at the door. She had plans this evening and anyone interrupting them was seriously going to be in her bad books.

Reaching the door, she opened it and started to show her displeasure, "This better be good..." when she noticed who was there.

"Giles!" she squealed before jumping up and wrapping her arms around him. Her plans be damned. She hadn't seen Giles for almost two months. The evil in the world, now being centered around San Francisco, kept Buffy and Giles there most of the time. She had seen Buffy for a day a fortnight ago, but Giles had to stay in 'Cisco that time. Now she had her two closest family members there.

She moved her head back, looking for the smiling features of her sister, but saw no one else on the landing. Surprised, but not shocked, after all Buffy may be involved in some important stuff at the present, Dawn looked at Giles for an answer.

One look at Giles face was all that she needed to know. The most horrible sense of Deja-vu flowed through her body, as she instantly remembered, Buffy holding her in the corridor of Sunnydale Junior High, and the looks on Buffy and Giles face when they came home five years ago.

Giles didn't say anything. He didn't have to.

***************

August 2011

Xander leaned over and grabbed Dawn around her shoulders and pulled her towards his chest. His need to protect her over-riding all other feelings at that moment. He knew she needed the warmth, after having relived what she had done this morning. But more than that, he needed it as well. He may have cried himself dry at her gravesite earlier, but the pain was still there, and emotional attachment he and Dawn shared, to fill that hole. Maybe only a small percentage, but it helped.

It was the greatest fear that all of the Scooby Gang had. They never mentioned it, but Xander could tell they all thought about it. The look in Willow's eyes, or Giles' when Buffy got hurt. Those were the looks of relief. The relief that this time she didn't die. Buffy was the slayer. Maybe the greatest ever, but they all had a shelf life. None of them had ever retired, even if that possibility existed. In one way Buffy had surpassed all expectations by living as long as she did.

Then something in Xander snapped. He broke out of Dawn's embrace and slammed his fist on the table. Dawn recoiled in shock, wondering what had changed the 'care giving' Xander, to the one that was in front of her.

Xander turned and looked at her, noticing she seemed to be half-confused and half-angry with him. He realised he must have come off like a typical meat head, and sat back down again.

"I'm sorry."

Dawn looked at him closer, almost as if she was trying to read his mind. Her eyes closed, her lips tensed.

"What?" Xander asked.

"Don't you think I should be asking that?" She replied, still fixing him firmly in her stare.

"And you thought by staring at me I would crack?" Xander retorted, a little amused by the idea.

Dawn stopped staring and relaxed, shaking her head. "It used to work when I was younger. You could never refuse my 'look'"

Xander smiled remembering some of the stare down contests he had shared with Dawn. It was a good memory, one that he needed. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Dawn simply nodded, not needing any explanation of what he was saying thanks for. She knew.

"I can't believe that I was sitting here logically thinking about Buffy's death, as if it was this great achievement to live as long as she did," Xander explained his earlier outburst. "I think I want to be sick," he continued revolted at how he had starting thinking. "I don't want think of Buffy in a calm logical manner. I want to be angry."

"Will it do any good?" Dawn asked, grateful that the buffer of five years gave her the smallest of perspectives to comment.

"I think I'll feel better," Xander replied, quietly.

Dawn got up and gave Xander a squeeze on his shoulder. "Well, if it makes you feel better, be angry," she told him without any hint of sarcasm.

"Huh?" Xander replied, having expected a different response.

"Maybe being angry is better. I just shut down."

"But what about the rest of the gang. Didn't they help you?" Xander asked amazed at the suggestion that they could have left Buffy's little sister alone.

Dawn filled up their cups with another serving of coffee while answering. "They were here, trying to deal with their own pain."

Dawn looked over and smiled at Xander. "You forget that I was 19 then. I wasn't a little girl anymore."

"But what about Giles?.." Xander trailed off. He didn't need to be told how Giles would be.

"Giles was never the same. He stayed around for a while, I think trying to fulfill a duty to Buffy by making sure I was okay. But this town was full of too many memories for him. He had to leave, so four years ago, he went back to England. I still hear from him occasionally, but he isn't the same. Something died in him that day as well."

Xander only nodded. The love Giles had for Buffy may have gotten him into trouble with the Watcher's Council, but it was one of the things that made Buffy different from other Slayers. It was there for all to see, and he could only guess at what pain he felt. Xander was sure he would never know how Giles felt, unless he was ever to face the horrible situation of losing his own child. And that was something he didn't ever want to learn.

He remembered when Joyce died, the pain and sorrow the whole gang had. But they helped each other through it all. It was the strength they had as a family that made the loss, bearable. He wondered how Dawn made it though when Buffy died, if everyone left.

"What happened to the gang?" he asked softly, dreading the news of anyone else's death.

"After the grieving was over, or maybe before it was given enough time to be over, none of us knew what to do. I shut down, stayed in my room and almost flunked out of college." Noticing the look of worry that Xander gave her, she re-assured him, "don't worry, I made it through. Just."

"Pretty much straight after the funeral service, Angel just disappeared. He left me a note saying he didn't think any of it was worth it. Cordelia told me he did say goodbye to her and Wesley, but she had no idea as to where he was."

"I still speak to Cordelia, every now and again. She is in LA with Wesley, running their own protection agency for the stars."

Xander had to laugh. It sounded just perfect for them. "I'm glad you still talk to someone. What about Willow?"

"Willow and Tara wanted to get away. Much like Giles, there were too many memories. They moved to Seattle, but broke up a short time later. I never really found out why. For some reason we just lost contact."

Xander nodded, but didn't say anything. There was only one other person to ask about and he was dreading it. "You said no-one has heard from Anya?"

"Anya went with Cordelia and Wesley to LA. She really felt lost here. I know she stayed on as a way to honour what she thought you would want her to do, but after Buffy died that didn't seem like a reason to stay in Sunnydale. Cordelia offered her the chance to come and work with them. I understood why she left, but I never heard from her again. Cordelia rang me a few months later, wanting to know if Anya had turned up in Sunnydale. She had just disappeared from LA."

Xander moved his hands to his face, forming them into fists. He wanted to take the hurt away, but had no way of doing it. He let them down, before looking at Dawn and motioning for her to continue.

"No-one has had any contact with Anya since." Dawn saw that Xander was close to losing it again. She mentally chastised herself for forgetting that Xander was 'with' Anya only 48 hours ago, in his own mind.

"We have no reason to think anything bad happened to her," Dawn added, hoping that it might be a little re-assuring.

Unfortunately for Xander, it was just another piece of evidence that was piling up in his guilt column. He had not been able to stop any of this. Logically he knew he couldn't, but logic had taken a holiday earlier in the conversation. His friends had all lost a bit of their soul when Buffy died. And without it, the Scooby Gang was no more.

The only consolation that Xander had, was that most of them were still alive, and in the case of Cordelia, was still in contact with Dawn. He really needed to call her.

But not right now. He needed a few hours to clear his head. He knew that talking on the phone to people who believed him dead wouldn't be the easiest proposition in the world, and he wanted a little, well as close as he could get do, normalcy first.

Looking down, it was only then that he realised that the clothes he had on were all the clothing he had. He then realised for the first time, that his possession would be gone and that he had no job. He hoped hat his savings were still intact. He hadn't given Anya joint access to his account. Not for any 'mean' reason, he just didn't think they were at that stage yet.

"I was never declared dead was I?" he asked, hoping that if not he would have some money available in his account.

Dawn looked at him with surprise, seeing that he had changed the subject on her. "No, just missing. Why?"

"Feel like a trip to the mall? I think I need some new dud's"

Dawn giggled a little, a sound that was like music to Xander's ears. "Did you really say Dud's?"

Xander had no grin at that. "I'm sure you will fill me in on what I should be saying later."

It had been all and all a depressing morning, and he hated to see anyone, let alone Dawn upset for that long. Her little giggle was a sign that she was okay, and it improved Xander's own disposition greatly.

"Well, only if I pick out some stuff. You have no idea what is in fashion," Dawn said as she walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, to get changed.

"Some would say I never did," Xander yelled back at her.

***************

The trip to the mall had been fun, if interesting distraction for Xander. He had, had a couple of uncomfortable moments at the bank, trying to convince them that he had just returned from a ten year overseas job. He doubted they believed his explanation for his youthful appearance though. Saying he had found a miracle skin lotion, which he was hoping to market back in the US, was pushing it just a little. Thankfully after the bank checked that his signature matched they excepted him as Alexander Harris. A few minutes later Xander was issued with new cards, and upon checking his account, he was pleasantly surprised to see what even minimal interest could do to his savings in ten years. Not that he could afford to buy a home, even at year 2000 prices, but he had enough to keep himself out of trouble for the time being.

Dawn, he was sure, had spent just as much on herself, as he had. Never mind the fact she had a wardrobe of clothes at home. She was at the mall, and damned if she would let such an occasion go by.

Xander wasn't sure about all the clothes she recommended, but then again if you got a hippie and tried to convince him that 15 years later, people would be wearing fluro coloured tops, with stretch tight jeans, he would think you were crazy.

'Come to think of it, I think they were crazy,' Xander thought, remembering some hideous early 80's music videos he had once seen.

The outing to the Mall, had served a greater purpose. It gave them both a break from the reality of the situation. Xander for one was glad. He had to get used to the time jump, but he also needed to connect with people. And you could only do that while doing normal things. He also hated having to put Dawn through what must be painful memories. Even though he knew there would probably be more later on, for now he welcomed the break.

As they walked back into, and it took Xander a second to remember it was hers, Dawn's house, Xander went straight upstairs to put the clothes in his room. He had wondered if he should be looking for a place to live, but decided that he wouldn't bring that up for a couple of days. He got the impression Dawn wouldn't be receptive to that request, which he understood.

After hearing how she got deserted after Buffy's death, he now understood why there were so few pictures of people he didn't know in the living room. She didn't seem to make friends easily after that. He also knew that he wasn't just a long lost friend. But a link to something that was lost. And the funny thing was, Xander saw her the same. Dawn was his link to his past.

As he came down the stairs, Xander called out for Dawn. "Hey, is Cordelia's number in your phone book?"

Dawn popped her head around the corner of the hallway. "Yeah. You gonna call her?"

Xander shrugged a little. "Since you have been in contact with her more than any other, I thought it was a good place to start."

Dawn simply nodded. "Try her work number first. It's her personal number. She may not have finished work yet."

Xander gave her a smile in thanks, then picked up the personal phone book and looked in it for 'Chase'. Finding her number he picked up the handset, and started dialing, pausing for a moment when he realised there was two extra numbers to dial these days. Shaking his head, and pushing down on the reset button, he dialed again.

Xander waited as the phone started ringing at the other end, then after four or five rings, it was answered.

"Chase and Price Agency, can I help you?" the voice at the other end of the phone answered.

It didn't take Xander long to realise whose voice it was. He would remember that tone for the rest of his life. Like Buffy's, Willow's, Anya's, Tara's and Dawn's, he tended to remember the girls he cared about.

"Cordy," he simply stated, not really knowing how to re-introduce himself. He thought that he should have taken up Dawn's suggestion of her ringing them first.

"What..." Cordelia replied, before pausing, as if trying to remember the voice she heard. Xander thought that she must have worked it out, when he heard a choked cry and sniffle before she spoke again.

"Xander?"

End Part Six