A/N: I have succumbed to joining METMA, and decided to try my hand at writing some of the challenges. Don't worry, angst lovers. Once I get back in school, there shall be plenty of angst to go around.
It is most curious to note that on the days where everything is supposed to be fine, everything goes wrong. This was the case at Hogwarts, except everything went strange, shall we say.
Neville Longbottom had just sprawled himself all over the floor of the hallway, with Trevor the Toad fatally injured in this trembling hands. What made this sight most curious is that Crabbe and Goyle were sitting on one leg.
Now, Crabbe and Goyle weigh quite a great deal. They also have quite a great deal of strength. Therefore, Crabbe+Goyle=Very heavy indeed.
The resulting factor, ladies and gentleman? A very heavy indeed object sitting on Neville's foot, which nevertheless may provide amusement for the aforementioned twosome, but generated a great deal of pain and misery for our little boy, Neville.
Finally, Harry Potter saved the day as usual when he muttered a curse that caused them to run off screaming hysterically like women standing on a chair with a broom trying to kill a poor little innoncent mouse in a sixties sitcom. Harry Potter had this thought, and immediatly whipped out his book The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in an attempt to accuse the author of this for plagiarism but was gently reminded by his friend and consultant, Hermione, that there was a disclaimer at the end of this and besides, the author was not earning any money or profiting from using this phrase, and besides, it was true.
Neville hopped up and tested his foot gingerly. He hopped around on one foot, since he found that the other was boken. And most unfortunately, Madam Pomfrey was unavailable at that moment since she was out driving her pink car around the neighborhood five times fast. Harry Potter then attempted again to accuse the author of plagiarism but again, was reminded by his friend and consultant, Hermione Granger, that this was a well used phrase and that in the process, he would have to sue a "great deal of crappy jokebooks".
Neville hopped around for the rest of the day, clutching his dying toad, Trevor. Harry decided to leave him to his own devices and left with Fred and George for an afternoon of "fun", otherwise known to some older and wiser than the two as "bringing hell to Hogwarts".
First off, the twins decided to make people miserable by using the rhyming spell, which was a spell that forced any victim to speak in rhyme, or attempt not to sound ridiculous by reciting rhyming poetry for a day.
They first tried this out on Pansy Parkinson and were pleased with the results.
"I'll get you back! I'll make you eat a tack! I'll send you to a place below! I'll make it so that you only eat snow!"
Fred (Or is it George?) sniggered and went on his merry way. Fred then pulled out a very nice looking watch and placed it in a gift box.
"Exploding watch," he explained quietly. "from our joke shop."
He went up to Professor Snape and humbly lowered his head. "Professor Snape, I'm really sorry for all the trouble I caused you, and as a token of my regret, I present you with a gift that I hope you will remember as a memoir of your reformed student."
Snape, thinking that Fred (Or is it George?), had really reformed since he had used big words and he had never heard him use those words before, took it and opened the cover.
He grunted in surprise and mumbled a "Thank you,". He put on the watch and gave Fred (Or is it George?) a manly pat on the back.
He walked off admiring his watch. Thirty seconds later, there was a crash, acompanied by a string of expletives and Fred (Or is it George?) motioned them to leave, and quickly.
George (Or is it Fred?) pulled out a softball, took out a pocketknife-
"No! George! Not that! Anything but that!" said he. "Have more compasssion on my nerves! Stop teazing me!"
Harry whipped out his copy of Emma to try to convict the author of plagiarism, but was gently reminded by Hermione who suddenly appeared at his side, that the copright on the book at run out and that nothing could be done. Harry placed the book (Grudgingly, the author admits) back into his shiny, rose colored pocketbook, and pulled out a lipgloss from its depths, until he realized he had the wrong pocketbook.
"What!" screamed he. "This is Very Berry flavored! I had a Peaches and Cream! What has the world come to?"
Fred (Or is it George?) calmed him down by whistling "Dixie" to soothe him. Harry soon was slumbering. Fred (Or is it George? Cut a slit in the softball and placed the softball on Harry's nose, via the slit in the softball.
"Let's go to the kitchens," suggested a twin. (Which twin it was is not important and does not affect the outcome of the story.)
"Ani rotzah lechem," agreed the other, after a consultation through his pocket dctionary on hebrew.
--fini--
Hey, it has all the requirements, doesn't it? ^_^ I'm just getting sort of sick of the Harry:blah blah Fred: blah blah system for cliches.
It is most curious to note that on the days where everything is supposed to be fine, everything goes wrong. This was the case at Hogwarts, except everything went strange, shall we say.
Neville Longbottom had just sprawled himself all over the floor of the hallway, with Trevor the Toad fatally injured in this trembling hands. What made this sight most curious is that Crabbe and Goyle were sitting on one leg.
Now, Crabbe and Goyle weigh quite a great deal. They also have quite a great deal of strength. Therefore, Crabbe+Goyle=Very heavy indeed.
The resulting factor, ladies and gentleman? A very heavy indeed object sitting on Neville's foot, which nevertheless may provide amusement for the aforementioned twosome, but generated a great deal of pain and misery for our little boy, Neville.
Finally, Harry Potter saved the day as usual when he muttered a curse that caused them to run off screaming hysterically like women standing on a chair with a broom trying to kill a poor little innoncent mouse in a sixties sitcom. Harry Potter had this thought, and immediatly whipped out his book The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in an attempt to accuse the author of this for plagiarism but was gently reminded by his friend and consultant, Hermione, that there was a disclaimer at the end of this and besides, the author was not earning any money or profiting from using this phrase, and besides, it was true.
Neville hopped up and tested his foot gingerly. He hopped around on one foot, since he found that the other was boken. And most unfortunately, Madam Pomfrey was unavailable at that moment since she was out driving her pink car around the neighborhood five times fast. Harry Potter then attempted again to accuse the author of plagiarism but again, was reminded by his friend and consultant, Hermione Granger, that this was a well used phrase and that in the process, he would have to sue a "great deal of crappy jokebooks".
Neville hopped around for the rest of the day, clutching his dying toad, Trevor. Harry decided to leave him to his own devices and left with Fred and George for an afternoon of "fun", otherwise known to some older and wiser than the two as "bringing hell to Hogwarts".
First off, the twins decided to make people miserable by using the rhyming spell, which was a spell that forced any victim to speak in rhyme, or attempt not to sound ridiculous by reciting rhyming poetry for a day.
They first tried this out on Pansy Parkinson and were pleased with the results.
"I'll get you back! I'll make you eat a tack! I'll send you to a place below! I'll make it so that you only eat snow!"
Fred (Or is it George?) sniggered and went on his merry way. Fred then pulled out a very nice looking watch and placed it in a gift box.
"Exploding watch," he explained quietly. "from our joke shop."
He went up to Professor Snape and humbly lowered his head. "Professor Snape, I'm really sorry for all the trouble I caused you, and as a token of my regret, I present you with a gift that I hope you will remember as a memoir of your reformed student."
Snape, thinking that Fred (Or is it George?), had really reformed since he had used big words and he had never heard him use those words before, took it and opened the cover.
He grunted in surprise and mumbled a "Thank you,". He put on the watch and gave Fred (Or is it George?) a manly pat on the back.
He walked off admiring his watch. Thirty seconds later, there was a crash, acompanied by a string of expletives and Fred (Or is it George?) motioned them to leave, and quickly.
George (Or is it Fred?) pulled out a softball, took out a pocketknife-
"No! George! Not that! Anything but that!" said he. "Have more compasssion on my nerves! Stop teazing me!"
Harry whipped out his copy of Emma to try to convict the author of plagiarism, but was gently reminded by Hermione who suddenly appeared at his side, that the copright on the book at run out and that nothing could be done. Harry placed the book (Grudgingly, the author admits) back into his shiny, rose colored pocketbook, and pulled out a lipgloss from its depths, until he realized he had the wrong pocketbook.
"What!" screamed he. "This is Very Berry flavored! I had a Peaches and Cream! What has the world come to?"
Fred (Or is it George?) calmed him down by whistling "Dixie" to soothe him. Harry soon was slumbering. Fred (Or is it George? Cut a slit in the softball and placed the softball on Harry's nose, via the slit in the softball.
"Let's go to the kitchens," suggested a twin. (Which twin it was is not important and does not affect the outcome of the story.)
"Ani rotzah lechem," agreed the other, after a consultation through his pocket dctionary on hebrew.
--fini--
Hey, it has all the requirements, doesn't it? ^_^ I'm just getting sort of sick of the Harry:blah blah Fred: blah blah system for cliches.