Chapter 14
"Honey," Xander said as he moved forward to take her in his arms.
Dawn however wanted none of it and backed away into the hallway. "I love you Xander. Don't you dare lie to me."
Xander inwardly cursed, wondering what part of the conversation with Wesley and Cordelia, Dawn had heard. "Whatever you heard, it wasn't the full story."
"So why are Wesley and Cordelia already heading back to LA?" she asked, her tone still showing her hurt and pain she felt.
Xander didn't respond straight away. He could see that Dawn was very serious about this, and last thing she wanted to do was make the situation worse. "Dawn," Xander, said with such affection, she could feel her heart melting a little. "Come and sit down and I'll explain."
Dawn however, even if her heart had thawed a little bit, was still in no mood to listen. She felt hurt and betrayed. "I can't believe you Xander," she yelled before running up the stairs into the bedroom. Xander heard the door slam from his seated position in the kitchen. He didn't move. He sat there as the sound of the wood on wood, reverberated in his mind.
A few minutes later, Wesley came into the kitchen. When Xander looked at his face, he could tell he had overheard some of the words Dawn had yelled at him. "Cordelia's gone up to see if she is okay and say goodbye."
Xander just nodded, and watched as Cordelia came down the stairs.
"Talk to her, Xander," she stated simply, before giving him a hug goodbye. She knew it would be a private matter for them and wanted to get out of their hair as soon as she could. "We'll call when we've got some information."
**************
The feel of the wind blowing through Angel's hair hadn't helped his mood this morning. He pulled the car into the driveway of the motel he was staying at and ignored the friendly wave the manager gave him as he got out.
He had almost reached the stairs, when he realised the manager had followed him.
"You had to go somewhere this morning, sir" the manager asked trying to be friendly and just a little bit nosey.
"Yeah," Angel replied, without any enthusiasm.
"A delivery?"
Angel turned to face the little man. "I had to drop off something," he said with his best, 'leave me the hell alone' voice.
The manager shook his head and walked away. Sunnydale may be a lot quieter these days, but he still remembered some of the 'real' crazies he used to get. Compared to them Angel didn't scare him one bit.
**************
The ceiling had definitely not gotten any more interesting in the sixty or so minutes since Dawn had started staring at it. But her eyes didn't move. Not that they were focussed on the ceiling exactly. It was just a non-descript surface she needed to gaze at while her mind scanned through loads of different thoughts.
The most upsetting conclusion she came to was that she wasn't totally surprised. Somewhere deep in her heart, she thought that just maybe the miracle of Xander's return and their love wasn't meant to be. She never believed fate would bless her so. She had lost her Mom, her father figure and her sister in the past, and her heart almost accepted the fact that she would lose Xander as a given.
However the bigger part of her heart wasn't going to give up so easily. Fate had ripped Xander from 10 years ago and deposited him here, and she wouldn't second-guess it. She would make sure he knew exactly why she wanted him to stay.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of light knocking at her door. Dawn knew that it could only be Xander. The hesitant beat of the knocks was enough to tell her that. It was little things he did, like that, that Dawn loved about him.
"Come in," she called.
The door opened slightly and Xander popped his head around the corner. Even though technically it was his room as well, he felt it was necessary to make sure he was welcome.
In spite of her worry and anger, Dawn couldn't help herself but smile at the carefulness Xander used in entering. His goofy grin, even when tempered with the trepidation he must have felt in coming up to see her, was enough to warm her feelings.
Xander, for his part, only needed one look at Dawn for him to wonder if he could seriously leave her. He knew of course he had to find out what Wesley and Cordelia could come up with. But every time his eyes met Dawn's he knew the chance of him leaving were growing more and more remote.
"Can I explain it to you?" he asked softly, making sure Dawn knew the ball was in her court.
Dawn simply nodded, knowing that however much she may not want to hear what he was about to say, she had to.
"I'm not going back," Xander started, but then caught the look Dawn gave him. "I mean I haven't decided to go back. But I have asked Wesley and Cordy to check out Angel's story."
"So you may go back." Dawn stated, not really asking.
Xander walked over and sat down of the edge of the bed, wanting to be close to her, but still keeping distance between the two of them. "I can't just drop it. I owe Buffy that much."
"She still has that hold on you?" Dawn asked, surprised at the little bit of jealousy that surfaced.
"No she doesn't," Xander answered with as much conviction as he had. "The only hold I feel, and I love it, is the one you have over me. But I miss her, and the others. They were my family. I would like to know if there is a chance to have that back again. Don't you?"
"Of course I do. But things didn't work out like that."
Xander reached over with his hand, waiting for Dawn to take it. When she did, he gave it a tiny squeeze before continuing. "I know and I hate that I wasn't there for you. It hurts that I missed 10 years, Dawn. I think it always will."
"So you may go back, depending on what Cordy and Wesley come back with?" Dawn asked, still trying to get an answer to the main question she worried about.
"No." Xander said automatically, before stopping and taking into his mind exactly what he had just said. He hadn't meant to say it, but now that it had passed his lips, he knew it was what his heart was telling him to be the truth.
"Are you okay?" Dawn asked, feeling strange that Xander had just told her what she needed to hear, but feeling that there was more to the story.
"Umm, yes, it's just that," Xander paused and looked at her with a puzzled grin. "I didn't know I was going to say that. I mean, I know why I said it, but..." He looked over at Dawn who was staring at him, still looking puzzled.
"Not doing a very good job on explaining it, am I?"
Dawn just shook her head, wanting to hear what he had to say.
"Okay, well I thought about it all last night and downstairs this morning, and I know I should've talked about it to you, but I need to know from Wesley and Cordelia what the true story is."
"But I thought you said, you weren't going to go back?" Dawn asked, the level of confusion still high in her thoughts.
Xander gave her hand a little squeeze again. "I'm not. But I only decided that after running through a few things in my head downstairs."
He took a little breath before continuing. "Going back in time isn't something to be trifled with. I just can't shake the feeling that it isn't something I should be messing in. Say I go back in time, as soon as I did that, everything would change."
Dawn looked at him strangely. "Not saying your wrong Xan, but when did you become at expert?"
Xander couldn't help but give her a grin. "You don't become a fan of SF without thinking about such things." After Dawn had rolled her eyes, obviously remembering his collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates, he continued. "Form what I've seen and from what you've told me, the world is a much safer place now. What if I was to save Buffy, but because of that, the apocalypse started. What if I wasn't able to save her but because of my presence she couldn't stop the Hellmouth from opening? What if going back in time only resulted in me changing nothing at all?"
"I understand what you're saying, Xan."
"But there is one major reason for never going back. It's selfish, but I don't care." He reached over and took Dawn's hand in his, moving it up to his mouth and kissing it on the back of her palm. "What if going back in time has only one effect. And that effect is something to do with you and you die. It's something I won't allow to happen."
He moved closer to her and lightly caressed her cheek, gazing deep into her eyes. "You see, Dawn Summers, I never plan to leave you. As long as you still want me."
"Oh, Xan," Dawn said just before their lips met in heated passion.
After they had broken the kiss, Dawn eyed Xander lovingly. "I love you so much, Xander Harris. But are you sure? Your nightmares..."
Xander silenced her with a shake of her head. "As much as I would love things to be different. For Buffy to be alive, the Scooby Gang together again, I'm not willing to risk us for it. I don't think Buffy would want us to."
Dawn had to laugh. "Actually Xander, I'm not sure if Buffy would want to think of us together at all."
"I don't suppose she would," Xander replied, having visualized a painful scene of Buffy finding out about them.
Dawn's face changed. The smile replaced by a sad frown. "I do miss her, you know?"
Xander could see that some of what Angel had said to her, plus the guilt she felt at asking him to stay was getting to her. "I know you do. Your love for Buffy isn't in doubt, honey."
Dawn leant over and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Thank you."
Xander smiled back. "It was my pleasure."
Dawn giggled a little at the self-satisfied look Xander was giving her. "Okay hotshot, you stay right there. You want a coffee?"
Xander nodded, then watched as Dawn got up and waked over to the door. She gave him a quick glance, before walking outside.
**************
Wesley had spent the hour or so since they had arrived back in LA in the library busily going through all of the books concerning the Orb, Krostoff and any time travel demons he could find. Most of the stuff he was reading he knew about from when Xander disappeared, but there was a few new books that he had to take a longer time checking.
Cordelia had left to handle the daily business. Partly because of the fact they had been away for almost a week and there was a huge backlog to attend to, and partly because she didn't like the fact Wesley was researching it, she was happy to be out of the way. She went along with Xander's plan, cause she knew he needed it, but she didn't like it.
"Ah!!' Wesley exclaimed, just as Cordelia entered carrying a bunch of files.
"What is it?"
Wesley looked up, not having heard that Cordelia had entered the room. "I think I might be on to something. Yes, this is it."
Cordelia couldn't help but smile and the sound of triumph in Wesley's voice. She may not agree of helping Xander go back in time, but she still took pride in Wes's skills.
As she was basking that pride however she could see the expression on Wesley's face change as he read through the passage. By the time he put the book down he looked as though he had just seen death itself.
"We need to call them. Now!" he stated, almost sounding nervous.
************
Dawn had just finished pouring the cups of coffee when the phone started ringing. She went to pick up the receiver, when she heard the yell from upstairs.
"Dawn!"
The panic in Xander's voice was unmistakable. Leaving the coffee cups where they were she raced up the stairs, yelling for him as she did. The response wasn't what she was hoping for.
"Argghh...No!!!"
She reached the bedroom door and pulled it opened screaming out for him as she did.
"Xan!"
His name stuck in her throat as she watched the man that brought joy into her life, slowly fade in and out.
In the background the phone kept ringing.
End Part 14