Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given innocence
You've been given innocence again
You should know by now
That the darkest hour
Is when your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the sweet begins
Grace is a sufficiency
But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could earn it
Now, here the choice is yours
Jarod:
When I got back that night, the first thing I noticed was that
Emily was gone. I felt my stomach drop and land somewhere around
my knees. I looked quickly around, looking for signs of a struggle
and finding none. A slip of paper on the table caught my eye.
Picking it up, I began to read—
Dear Jarod,
I know you'll freak out when you find out I'm gone, but don't worry
about me. I figure from the news that both you and Ethan survived
the bombing. Our family is almost all back together. But even when
it is, there will still be one piece missing. I can't just let Lyle
get away with what he did to Kyle. Don't worry about me. As
soon as I'm done with this I'll be back.
Love,
Emily
I sighed as I finished. She had gone after Lyle, putting herself in danger. Then again, there wasn't really much I could do but hope she knew what she was doing. Sighing again, I left to find Dad.
Emily:
Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was almost 10:00 am.
That was when Lyle came in for his sessions. I cleaned up the area
around my desk and cleared off the small couch in my office, as Lyle usually
laid on it while he talked to me. Stereotypical yes, but he seemed
more comfortable that way.
At ten on the dot, there was a soft knock on my door. I called for him to come in. When he did, he took my breath away. He looked like he normally did, dressed in a suit and tie, each and every hair in place. But the look on his face was one I had seen only a handful of times since we had met. It was one of fear, an emotion I had not thought him capable of. It was one of a child, forced to grow up too fast, and see things no one, especially not a child, should ever see. But mostly, it was one of innocence. Just as Jarod's, mine and Kyle's innocence had been stolen at an early age, so had his. 'He's a product of the Centre,' I told my self, 'forced into a life he didn't ask for, just like the rest of us.'
"Hey," I said, "right on time. Sit down and we'll get started."
And so he lay down and we began. For about an hour, I just listened to him, occasionally making note of something important. It was in the middle of making a note when I realized something. He had told me about Bobby and he told me about Lyle. These were two completely different people. Lyle was a cold- blooded killer, the monster that had killed my brother. But Bobby was just a scared little boy, and all he had ever wanted was for someone to love him.
And that was when everything became clear to me. Why I was falling in love with him. When he was around me, Lyle disappeared and it was like he had never existed. I was in love with Bobby, not Lyle. I also knew that he was beating himself up for all the bad things he had done. He didn't understand that they were two different people.
"Bobby," I started when he reached a stopping point, "it wasn't your fault. None of this shit was your fault."
He gave me a funny look. "Bobby? Why'd you call me that?"
I gave him a small smile. "Because, there is a difference. Bobby didn't do any of that, that was Lyle. Lyle was trained by Rainse to be a killer. Bobby's the little boy you used to be, who sometimes takes over, when you let someone in and stop fighting to keep everyone away."
And the look on his face told me that, finally, he understood the difference.
Lyle:
She was so beautiful. Ever since her first day, she was all I could think about. Once my sessions started, I found myself falling in love with her. She was just so kind; she really seemed to care about me. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I mattered to someone. As if I belonged. During my second session, I had broken down, and she had taken me in her arms, soothing away the hurt and pain. In those few minutes where her arms were wrapped around me I felt safe. I felt like I was somewhere I had never been before. Home.
While I was talking, she was taking notes like she usually does, but all of a sudden, a look of, I don't know, enlightenment came over her face. Seeing that she was preoccupied with this epiphany I stopped. Sensing that I was done, she spoke. The first thing that registered was that she was telling me that it wasn't my fault. As I was about to argue, I realized she had called me Bobby. Not Lyle. I asked her why, and, smiling gently, she explained to me that they were two different people. Thinking about it, I realized she was right. There was always a part of me that crawled away and hid when I went in to Lyle mode.
When she saw that I understood, she smiled and walked over to her stereo and put in a CD.
"I want you to listen to this, to these lyrics, okay?"
I nodded and she pushed play. At first I just listened, and I couldn't understand what she was getting at, until something caught my attention.
Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given innocence
You've been given innocence again
You should know by now
That the darkest hour
Is when your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the sweet begins
Grace is a sufficiency
But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could earn it
Now, here the choice is yours
Seeing a gentle smile on her face, I understood what she was getting at. All three of those verses fit perfectly, but the bottom line was, I had been given innocence again.
Emily:
Pushing stop on the CD player, I turned my back to him, and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. At that moment, my feelings for him were controlling all rational thinking. All I wanted was to go over there, take him in my arms, and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But, in the relationship we have established these past few months, that is not allowed.
Once I had calmed myself, I went over and sat next to him on the couch. I could see that he was struggling to keep a calm face, but his trembling hands gave him away. Putting my hand on his back, I started to rub it in small circles, trying to calm him. Turning to look me, he gave me a small smile, but I could still see the tears in his eyes. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Then, they started to slip down his face and, at a loss of what to do, I took him in my arms, still rubbing his back, and whispering what I hoped to be soothing comments in his ear.
When he had calmed himself, he pulled way slightly, his lips now only an inch or two above mine. I looked up at him.
"Sorry about that," he whispered.
"No it's okay, you are completely justified in crying after everything." I told him, also whispering.
He looked down at me a moment longer before he closed his eyes and shook his head. I wondered what was wrong, so I asked, "Hey, what's wrong?"
He opened his eyes and looked down at me. "It doesn't matter."
"If it's, bothering you-" that was as far as I got before he cut me off.
"Faith, it doesn't matter."
"It matters to me." And it did. I really was worried about him.
He paused and took a deep breath before replying, in barely more than a whisper, "I'm in love with you."
I looked at him in shock and when I opened my mouth to speak, no noise came out. Seeing my reaction, he started again. "Yeah, look I'm really sorry. I wasn't exactly planning on it, but… well, I'm sorry."
"You tell me you're in love with me and then you tell me your sorry? What right do you have?" I was, to say the least, shocked with his revelation.
Lyle:
"I'm in love with you." The words had left my mouth before I even knew what I was doing. Once it was out I knew there was no turning back. So I did the next best thing. I apologized.
"What right do you have?" That brought me back to the conversation.
"Look Faith, I didn't ask for this and I'm sorry you don't return it, but I won't be sorry for how I feel. If you've taught me anything-"
I was abruptly cut off by her lips on mine.
Emily:
I heard him apologize again, and then he started to babble. Still in shock, I did the first thing to come to mind that would shut him up, damning the consequences.
I kissed him. And the next thing I knew, he was kissing me back.
TBC
Author's Note: Please review!!!!!