Ranec couldn't help but smile from ear to ear as he stared at Ayla. She didn't quite meet his eyes and was blushing, to him, she never looked more radiant. His leg was throbbing from the long ride, especially since he'd never been on a horse before, but he had to admit it was exciting. Once he got over his terror, that is.
"Ayla," Ranec limped forward stopping within a foot of her. "Jondalar told me you've regained your memories. For that, I'll be eternally thankful to the Mother."
Ayla glanced up at him cautiously. She was surprised to see understanding and compassion in them, as well as a hint of the longing he normally held when he looked at her.
"Ranec, I'm so sorry--" Ayla started, but he shook his head.
"No. I'm the one who should be sorry. You're my family, and you've made it quite clear to me before you left the summer meeting that you didn't want to be with me. I should have said no when we...." Ranec gestured, not wanting to voice what they had done. He knew Jondalar was standing nearby, though the tall blond man had managed to 'disappear', and he wasn't quite sure how much, if any, Ayla had told him.
"Oh Ranec, I'm not sorry about that. I asked you to show me. I'm sorry that I hurt you again. I didn't mean to give you any false hopes."
"You couldn't have known. Besides, I don't regret the time we spent together, and I know....I know that your heart is with Jondalar. He's asked me to travel with the both of you, and if you have no objections I'll accept. I'm not sure what I'm searching for but at least I'll have company while I look."
Ayla smiled, then reached up and hugged him. Ranec held her tightly for a few moments, then patted her back. When Jondalar stepped into the small clearing, Ranec pulled back and smiled at Ayla.
Ayla wiped at her eyes and smiled in return. Ranec started towards the fire and that's when Ayla noticed his limp. She moved to get to the fire, but stopped and gave Jondalar a kiss and a brilliant smile before continuing on her way. She helped Ranec to sit, then reached for her familiar medicine bag.
Jondalar watched the two of them for a moment, then turned to pick up Tholiza. Going over to their furs which were still spread out, Jondalar stretched out across them as Tholiza laid on his chest. Things may just be alright after all, he thought.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ayla held onto Jondalar's waist as they traveled through the southern portion of Zelandoni territory. It was early fall and they had been traveling for a little over two moons. Jondalar had been quiet for the last few days and she knew he was battling memories, both good and bad. She glanced over at Ranec and smiled when she thought of how natural he seemed to ride Whinney. Most of the time they took turns walking, but when they all rode, Ayla and Jondalar would ride double on Racer while Ranec took the gentler mare.
They had followed a small stream for the past moon and Jondalar would point out to them where a big hunt had taken place, or where a good lookout spot would be. Deciding to make camp, Ayla unhitched the one travois while Ranec undid the other. Jondalar had picked up his spear thrower and use the pretense that he was going to look for fresh meat for their meal. They both knew though that he needed time for himself.
It didn't take long for Ayla and Ranec to have camp set up and a fire going. Ranec then took their skins down to the stream to fill and Ayla started to clean some roots to go with dinner. Wolf lingered nearby, and she couldn't help but think of how he was getting older. Certainly if he'd have been raised in the wild he would have had a mate by now, perhaps even led a pack. There were times that he'd disappeared on his own, only to show up weeks later, but he always returned.
Thunder and Midnight had been gone over a moon now. Thunder was the first to leave, and it was a shock to Ayla because she wasn't expecting the cat to make his own life so soon. Midnight left a few weeks later, and Ayla knew it was for good from a dream she'd had the night before. She hugged the black cat, scratching her in all her favorite places, then cried silently as he daughter left to make her own life. They weren't really made for this climate anyway, Ayla had told herself, but that didn't make their departure any easier.
Ayla felt the familiar queasiness build and rushed to a nearby tree before losing the contents of her stomach. Shaking, she wiped her mouth then rinsed it out with water. Putting a skin on to boil, Ayla dug in her medicine bag for the herbs to help calm her stomach.
She was worried. More worried than she could ever remember being. It would soon be winter and they didn't have a place to ride out the season. Last winter had been hard enough when she birthed Tholiza, but now....now she had to think not only of her daughter, but of---
"Ayla, are you alright?"
Ayla jumped and turned to see Ranec looking down at her with concern. He placed the skins near the fire and went to her, kneeling. Taking his hand, he gently wiped a tear away that escaped her eye.
"I'm fine. I didn't hear you coming." She answered in Zelandoni. They had been teaching Ranec the language, in case they ran into anyone on their way back to the Mamutoi. They had decided it was time to go home, and home was where they were all accepted without reservations.
"You've been getting ill quite a bit lately. If you'd like, we can stop traveling awhile. Just until you feel better?"
Ayla shook her head. "I want to try and reach the Losunduni before the height of winter. We still have many moons to go, and we have to get there."
Ranec studied her hard. There was something she wasn't telling him, but what it was, he couldn't fathom. If she said they had to keep traveling though, then that's what they'd do. He knew to trust her judgment implicitly. Perhaps he should speak with Jondalar about her illness though?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ranec sharpened the end of a small stick. Flint had been almost non existent on their travels, and the blades that Jondalar had made for the spear throwers were almost gone. They had taken to modifying the points from wood, which was in abundance. It didn't have the same effectiveness as the flint, but they were still able to bring down most game.
Jondalar walked back into camp carrying a large hamster. He placed it by the fire near Ayla and she smiled up at him. Though he smiled in return, she knew he was worried. He had promised to provide for her, and it was nearly winter with no shelter in site. She wished that they would find a small cave like the one that she used to have, but she also knew that they had to reach the Losunduni. They were nice enough, and she knew that she would need other women around.
Ayla knew that she'd eventually have to tell them, but how? She didn't want to add any extra stress to Jondalar, and she knew that after birthing Tholiza he would worry horribly. After all, she almost died the last time and now they were facing almost the same conditions as last winter.
"We'll have to travel around the glacier. I don't want to take the chance of going over it with Tholiza." Jondalar spoke and Ayla nodded. Ranec had never crossed the glacier, he had cut south before reaching the area.
"Why don't we turn east and then go north? That way we'll skirt the southern sea and not have to go all the way around?" Ranec offered. Though the idea had been brought up before, Jondalar hadn't really considered it. He wanted to see his people's land one last time before leaving it for good. Ayla had understood that, and didn't push the issue. Now though, now she was worried about time. It would be shorter to go Ranec's way.
Jondalar shook his head. "I don't know if we'll end up in the same area, and I don't want to miss the Losunduni. I was hoping we could winter with them."
"I'm sure it is. You mentioned the hot springs and I saw them in the distance to the west as I traveled. It shouldn't be too difficult to find once we're in the area. If we turn east now, we can probably make it in three moons." Ranec offered. He really didn't want to delay his journey home any longer than he had to.
Jondalar didn't speak as he broke a stick over his knee and added the wood to the fire. Ayla started to skin the hamster while they were conversing, keeping out of the conversation. She knew how important it was to Jondalar to see his homeland once again. Though, she thought, it may cause him more pain than he expects.
The smell of the hamster started to make her nauseous again and she stood, trying not to show any emotion on her face. It was now dusk and she picked up her water skin. When both men looked at her, she stammered.
"I'm going to go to the stream." She held the bladder that was almost full of water and rushed off before either of them could ask anything.
Ranec looked at Jondalar who was still eying Ayla.
"Have you noticed that she's sick often?" Ranec asked.
Jondalar nodded. "I asked her about it a few days ago. She said it's something that will go away on its own, and not to worry about it."
Ranec frowned. "I think it's more than that. She barely eats anymore, and she's always sick. It's at least once or twice a day. I told her we could make camp for a few days until she felt better, but she refused."
"Do you suppose she's not telling us something?" Jondalar didn't like the idea. Ayla always told him everything. When she returned to the camp, she did look paler and avoided eye contact with him. Wanting to get to the bottom of it, he walked over to where she was patting Whinney and Racer.
"Ayla, how are you feeling?"
Ayla looked up to see his concerned eyes staring down at her. "Better," she smiled, then tucked her head down again.
Jondalar placed his hand on her arm and turned her towards him, lifting her chin. "There's something more to this illness, isn't there?"
"Wh....what do you mean?" She couldn't lie to him, but she could refrain from volunteering information. She hoped that he would just let the subject drop.
"Ayla," Jondalar took his hands in hers and looked into her tired eyes. There were dark circles under them, and he knew she was holding back. "Tell me what's wrong. Why are you sick all the time?"
Ayla glanced towards Ranec who was staring at the two of them. Looking back up at Jondalar, she took a deep breath. "I've been blessed." She whispered.
Jondalar blinked at her a few times, trying to comprehend what she said. "Blessed? You're going to have a baby?"
Ayla nodded as he stood there in shock. "How? When? I mean, how long have you known?" He stammered.
"About three moons."
Jondalar pulled Ayla to him and held her tight. "Why didn't you tell me? This is wonderful news! You're bringing another child to our hearth."
"I didn't want you to worry. We both know what happened when Tholiza was born."
Jondalar shook his head, "That's in the past. I promise that we will have a place to winter this year. You will have other women around when the time comes." Jondalar was determined that this time Ayla would not be in danger. He didn't care what he had to do to make that happen.
Ayla nodded and looked down. Jondalar squinted at her curiously. "There's more, isn't there?"
Ayla shook her head, "Nothing that matters right now."
Jondalar opened his mouth to protest, but she placed her hand on his lips. "Please, I don't want to discuss it right now."
Acquiescing, Jondalar kissed her firm on the lips, his happiness overflowing. He picked her up and spun her around. Guiding her back to the fire, he had to tell Ranec the good news. "Ayla's been blessed!" He announced, oblivious to the carver's reaction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winter hit harshly and the travelers found themselves not as prepared for the change than they would have liked. They had ended up going through Zelandonii territory and besides seeing an occasional hunting party that ignored them, they didn't have any run ins with Jondalar's people.
Now they were finally on the other side of the glacier, and Ayla held her stomach as she rode Whinney. Both Ranec and Jondalar were walking ahead of the horses, and she held Tholiza with her other hand. Though Jondalar seemed confident that they'd reach the Losadunai in plenty of time, Ayla wasn't so sure. She was almost seven moons along and her fears from Tholiza's birth were real. She'd never felt so close to death before, not even when she birthed Durc.
They could see the steam from the hot springs in the near distance and Jondalar seemed to pick up his pace. "Their cave should be just on the other side of this ridge. We should reach them in a day or two." Jondalar happily announced.
The days didn't last very long anymore, and Ayla hoped that they would soon stop to make camp. Riding everyday was taking a toll on her body and she wanted nothing more than to be at the Losadunai so they would stop traveling.
She was so lost in thought, she didn't realize when they stopped moving. Looking about, there was a small stream not too far, but it was mostly ice. More than once they had to chisel their way to find fresh water.
Ranec helped her down from Whinney and she walked a few paces, stretching her legs. Once the horses were unhitched both Racer and Whinney headed in the direction of the stream. Tholiza squirmed to get down, and Ayla placed her on the ground by her feet. The little one had taken to crawling lately and keeping an eye on her proved to be a full time job.
She watched as Jondalar and Ranec quickly set up camp, and then untied a bundle from the travois. The meat from a fresh kill of a winter deer would be their evening meal tonight.
Ranec kept Tholiza busy as she prepared the meat. It was almost frozen from the cold temperature and Ayla had to dig into her medicine bag for seasoning. She decided the best way to prepare the deer would be to dig a ground oven, but the ground was too hard to do that. Spying thick, flat rocks by the stream, she brought a few back before Jondalar chastised her, then brought the rest back himself. She sat the rocks all around the fire, then placed the meat in the middle, wrapped in a wet hide. After heating a few more flatter rocks, she placed those on top of the others sealing the meat in. The fire was then built up around the rocks to create a different kind of oven. An added benefit that Ayla liked, was the flat surface of the top rocks was perfect for setting a bladder with water to heat for tea.
Most of the evening was spent quietly, each lost in thought. Every once in a while they'd start an animated conversation about something that had happened back at Lion Camp, or the like. Between the three of them, they kept themselves fairly entertained. Still, Ayla would have loved to have women around again.
She fondly thought of Solandia and Losaduna. She wondered if the gentle man was still One who Serves for their cave, and wondered how much Micheri had grown. He had to be about three seasons old now!
She had hoped that Madenia had gone through with her first rites, and that she'd found a man as good as Jondalar. Though they hadn't spent that long with the Losadunai, she had formed friendships and missed them deeply.
As they were eating their evening meal, Ayla was amused at how Tholiza would try and mimic their actions. Deciding it was time to introduce her to solid food, she chopped up some meat finely and added broth, much like she had when Wolf was a pup. Dipping the edge of a piece of leather in the mixture, she sat Tholiza on her lap and was pleased when her daughter sucked the meat mixture off.
She wasn't aware of Jondalar and Ranec looking at the scene play out before them, and continued to feed her until she turned her head away. Ayla then held the child to her breast as she went back to her own meal.
When it started to snow lightly, they retired to the one tent they shared. Though Ranec had his own tent, it wasn't worth making two up every night. Also, it was warmer with the shared body heat. Ayla would sleep in-between the two men with Tholiza, Wolf at their feet. With her stomach growing, there wasn't as much room as their used to be, but they still managed to fit.
~~~~~~~~~
Ayla felt horrible as they packed up their belongings, hopefully for the last time. For the last few days it had been drizzling lightly, mixed with snow. All their belongings were damp, and though their thick winter furs kept them warm, the moisture had added a lot of extra weight.
Jondalar had announced that they'd probably reach the Losandunai cave today, and he, along with Ranec had been in high spirits. Wolf seemed more excited than usual, and had tried to dart off into the woods more than once. Ayla tried to keep him near, fearing that if they were close to the camp, someone could kill him thinking of him as a threat.
Jondalar helped Ayla onto Whinney's back, then Ranec handed Tholiza to her. Once they were settled, Jondalar took hold of Racer's guide rope and led them south towards the cave. Ayla watched as Ranec looked back at the small stream they'd camped near. He had a hard time believing that this was the beginning of the Great Mother River. On his trip west, he'd crossed it well before this point.
For most of the morning, they had traveled up a slight incline and somewhere around noon they reached the top of a low ridge. Looking down from the top, Ayla was relieved to see the familiar sight. Below them was a snow covered meadow and steam coming from a pool near the cave. As they made their way down the ridge, a few people started to gather outside the cave.
Some were carrying spears, but for the most part, their stance wasn't threatened. When they were closer, they could hear some of the people yell "Jondalar and Ayla have returned!"
Ayla had to let out a piercing whistle to keep Wolf close. He was extremely excited about seeing all the people, and the last thing she wanted was for him to run ahead. Whinney started to prance nervously, and Racer followed suit.
They were at the far end of the meadow when a young woman came out of the cave. "Ayla!" She ran towards the visitors and didn't stop until she was beside Whinney. "Ayla, is it really you? Oh Duna! I hoped I would meet you again!"
Ayla smiled down at the young woman. "Madenia. You look wonderful! How have you been?"
Madenia walked with them the rest of the way back to the cave, barely acknowledging the men as she talked non stop to Ayla. She really had missed the woman who was responsible for giving her back her life.
Ayla felt horrible as they packed up their belongings, hopefully for the last time. For the last few days it had been drizzling lightly, mixed with snow. All their belongings were damp, and though their thick winter furs kept them warm, the moisture had added a lot of extra weight.
Jondalar had announced that they'd probably reach the Losandunai cave today, and he, along with Ranec had been in high spirits. Wolf seemed more excited than usual, and had tried to dart off into the woods more than once. Ayla tried to keep him near, fearing that if they were close to the camp, someone could kill him thinking of him as a threat.
Jondalar helped Ayla onto Whinney's back, then Ranec handed Tholiza to her. Once they were settled, Jondalar took hold of Racer's guide rope and led them south towards the cave. Ayla watched as Ranec looked back at the small stream they'd camped near. He had a hard time believing that this was the beginning of the Great Mother River. On his trip west, he'd crossed it well before this point.
For most of the morning, they had traveled up a slight incline and somewhere around noon they reached the top of a low ridge. Looking down from the top, Ayla was relieved to see the familiar sight. Below them was a snow covered meadow and steam coming from a pool near the cave. As they made their way down the ridge, a few people started to gather outside the cave.
Some were carrying spears, but for the most part, their stance wasn't threatened. When they were closer, they could hear some of the people yell "Jondalar and Ayla have returned!"
Ayla had to let out a piercing whistle to keep Wolf close. He was extremely excited about seeing all the people, and the last thing she wanted was for him to run ahead. Whinney started to prance nervously, and Racer followed suit.
They were at the far end of the meadow when a young woman came out of the cave. "Ayla!" She ran towards the visitors and didn't stop until she was beside Whinney. "Ayla, is it really you? Oh Duna! I hoped I would see you again!"
Ayla smiled down at the young woman. "Madenia. You look wonderful! How have you been?"
Madenia walked with them the rest of the way back to the cave, barely acknowledging the men as she talked non stop to Ayla. She really had missed the woman who was responsible for giving her back her life.
When they were near the cave, they stopped and Ayla slid off of Whinney's back with the help of Madenia. Ayla had handed Tholiza to her when she dismounted, and the young woman seemed reluctant to hand her back. Smiling, Ayla allowed her to hold Tholiza as they approached the cave and the people waiting there.
"Jondalar!" Laduni called out as he stepped foward. Though he still held his spear, it seemed to be only an after thought. "In the name of Duna, welcome! Where have you been all this time?"
Jondalar grasped his outstretched hands and smiled in relief. Here they would find respite. "Laduni! It's so good to see you again." The master hunter noted the weariness and relief in the blond man's eyes, and nodded.
They had heard of what happened to the couple after a trading mission across the glacier. Dalanar had been beside himself with worry for the son of his hearth, and more than once asked if they had stopped at the Losandunai. When no one had any information that was helpful, Laduni had hoped Dalanar wouldn't be too upset. The man had seemed to age perceptively since their last meeting.
"I see Ayla has been blessed!" Losaduni spoke as he stepped forward and took Jondalar's hands. "The Mother has smiled upon you." Losaduni gave him a knowing wink, then added. "Welcome in the name of Duna, Great Earth Mother of all." He turned to Ayla then, and they were welcomed back to the cave, one by one as if they were family that had come home.
Ranec held back as they were greeted by old friends. He hadn't run into the Losandunai on his way to the Poterians, and felt like an outsider. He did feel a burden lifted off his shoulders for Ayla though. Now she could birth her daughter in the shelter of a real cave, with other women around. When he had asked Jondalar about the birth of Tholiza after a comment Ayla had made, Jondalar reluctantly told him the whole tale, in case something happened this time around. Both men were determined that nothing would happen to Ayla. Not if it was within their power.
"I see the two of you no longer travel alone." Solandia hinted as she eyed Ranec. They had never seen a man with his coloring before, and it was an exotic 'distraction.'
Ayla smiled as she motioned for Ranec to come forward. "Solandia of the Losandunai, this is Ranec, Master carver of the Mamutoi, son of Nezzie, mate to Talut, leader of the Lion Camp of the Mamutoi, protected by the black cat." Ayla introduced.
Ranec was more than a little surprised at Ayla's introduction. It had been so long since he'd been introduced Mamutoi. True, he never was formally adopted into the Poterians, and really his heart hadn't been there. The only reason he stayed at first was because of Gandar, but if he'd been pressed to dig deep into his feelings, he would have realized it was because he had no reason left to live.
Once everyone who knew them had greeted them, and they met the other members of the cave, they were led inside with their belongings. The horses were left to graze nearby. Though Ayla was worried about them being out in the elements, there was an overhang to the south of the cave that afforded them some protection.
Madenia had stuck by their side the entire time, and had been more than a little impatient that the introductions had taken so long. She proudly showed them to the guest hearth and then handed Tholiza back to Ayla.
"Madenia, let them get settled and rest. Tonight we'll have a feast and hear stories!" Losaduni announced loudly.
She looked dejected, and Ayla gave her a reassuring smile as they left the visitors alone.
"They seem friendly enough." Ranec observed, and Jondalar nodded.
"They are a good people."
Ayla peeled off her wet clothes and changed into a dry outfit. That done, she rubbed her belly as she laid down on the sleeping furs. Within minutes she was fast asleep.
~~~~~~~~
When Ayla opened her eyes, she did so reluctantly. She felt as if she could sleep a whole moon! Looking through the partially open smoke hole, she knew she'd slept longer than intended. It was almost dark outside. She stretched slowly and looked around the quiet hearth to see Ranec sitting on the other bed platform. He was sorting his belongings from his pack, and Ayla noticed one of his familiar bird/woman figurines in his hand.
He seemed to sense her eyes on him, and looked up smiling. "Good afternoon. I thought you were going to sleep straight through until tomorrow."
Ayla blushed as she sat up. "I didn't mean to. Why didn't anyone wake me?"
Ranec shrugged as he placed the carving under a fur and continued to dig through his pack.
"Where is everyone?" Ayla quietly asked. It was silent in their area, and it seemed out of place to talk in normal tones.
"Jondalar was anxious to speak with his friends, so he took Tholiza and went visiting. I think he's at the first hearth. That's where most of the people are anyway. They're really preparing a feast for tonight. By the smell of things, it's almost ready."
Ayla nodded as she sat up, then ran her fingers through her hair. She was certain she looked a mess! As if reading her mind, Ranec spoke.
"You look beautiful Ayla." He watched her blush, still unable to accept the simplest praise. He was speaking the truth as he always did with her. She was full of the Mother's blessing and he didn't think he'd ever saw a more radiant being. She *was* the Mother incarnate. His throat constricted as he watched her caress her round belly, comforting the growing life within.
Ayla caught him staring and smiled. "Would you like to feel?"
Startled, Ranec sat back slightly. "I....well, Jondalar might not---"
"Come here." She interrupted as she held out her hand to him. Ranec tentatively kneeled in front of her, watching her outstretched hand as his somehow became enwrapped in it. She placed it on the side of her stomach and after a moment, he felt the tiny life greet him.
He couldn't contain his joy as he smiled up at her, unrepented. All thoughts of Jondalar gone, he placed his other hand on her belly and felt the Mother's power. After a moment, Ayla ran a hand through his hair and when he looked at her, her smile was a sad one.
"What's wrong?" He asked as he pulled back. Perhaps he'd overstepped his boundaries?
"I'm so sorry Ranec. I wish..I wish I could have given you what you wanted. Shared your hearth, bore your children. I never meant to hurt you." She whispered, her eyes brimming with tears.
Ranec sat on the edge of her sleeping platform and pulled her to him. "There's nothing to be sorry for Ayla. It was a long time ago. If the Mother wanted us to be together, then She would make it so. Perhaps someday I will have a woman at my hearth and children of my spirit to help raise. Until then, I'm happy just---" he stopped himself before he said 'just being with you.' He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. "--just being here."
Ayla smiled and wiped her eyes as she sat up. Wolf picked that moment to wander slowly down the cave, sniffing at the strange belongings and scents. When he looked up and saw Ayla looking at him, he wagged his tail and came bounding over.
"And what have you been up to Wolf? Not getting into trouble I hope." Wolf yipped and sat back on his haunches to scratch an itch behind his ear. He then watched Ayla intently to see what they would do next.
Ranec stood and held out a hand to Ayla. "From the sounds of it, I'd say they're just about ready to start serving. Since it is in our honor we shouldn't be late." He smiled.
Ayla accepted his outstretched hand and walked with him to the front hearth.