shad4

"Ayla! Oh Doni, Ayla!" Jondalar implored as he carried her to the bed platform.

Everyone was crowding around, and more members from the cave came rushing over when they heard the commotion.

"Is she going to be ok?" Madenia asked, unshed tears in her eyes as she hugged herself.

"What did she mean? Is she dying?" Ranec demanded of Losaduni.

"Help her! Ayla please wake up." Jondalar begged as Solandia pushed her way through with her mate.

"She's dead, isn't she?" Madenia asked, her worst fear realized. At her statement, chaos broke out throughout the cave and the noise level grew to another level. Tholiza, who had been dozing off, was now shrieking at the top of her lungs. Though Ranec was still holding her, he was of no comfort to himself, let alone the child.

"Please, give her some room. Let me look at her." Losaduni spoke in a calming voice as he reached Ayla's side.

"No! She can't be dead. Ayla, open your eyes, for the love of Doni, please!" Jondalar begged as he clutched her hand. "I can't lose her. Not now."

Finally Losaduni had to manhandle the tall blond man out of the way so he could examine her. "Laduni help clear this area will you? Jondalar stay back! Ranec, give Tholiza to Taulia."

"Ayla!" Madenia felt herself being pulled away and looked up to see her mother. "Oh Mother, she can't die! She just can't!" The young woman wailed as Verdegia moved her away from the commotion. "No, I don't want to leave." Her protests were in vain when Laduni came towards them and placed his hand on Madenia's shoulder. She looked up at him shakily and he gave her a compassionate look.

"You will be more help looking after Wolf and letting Losaduni care for Ayla. He's One Who Serves."

"Everyone move back!" Losaduni finally commanded in a tone that warranted no arguments. "Ayla is not dead. She has only passed out. Now please, go back to your hearths. He looked around the dispersing crowd. "Floria, would you heat some water. Use the large pot that I reserve for ceremonies." The young woman nodded and scurried off, feeling important that she could help.

Solandia pulled the curtain closed to the sleeping platform effectively shutting out Jondalar and Ranec. Both men stared at the curtain, feeling confused and empty inside.

"Why don't the two of you come to our hearth? I'm sure Losaduni will come and get you as soon as he can." Laduni offered, hoping to calm the visitors.

"I'm not leaving." Ranec firmly stated as he folded his arms across his chest. Before Laduni could make an argument, Jondalar also spoke. "We'll stay here. Thank you just the same."

Laduni nodded, then sat down by the fire. "Well then, I may as well keep the two of you company."

Ayla held Tholiza to her as she laid on her sleeping furs. It was quiet in the cave, and she was relieved that finally, most everyone had left her alone. She didn't know what to tell Jondalar, or Ranec, about last night. She felt bad that they were worried for her but she was worried for herself and her unborn child.

Laduni had spent most of the day in meditation, and Solandia had brought Ayla food and tea, making sure she was comfortable. Laduni had restricted Ayla to bed until he said differently, but Ayla didn't want to go out after her last experience so she didn't protest.

Tholiza kicked her feet as she nursed, and Ayla, who was laying on her side, gently placed a foot in her hand. She remembered when Tholiza was first born. She could have fit four of Tholiza's feet in her hand, that's how small they were. She was growing fast and she was healthy and strong. What more could a mother want for her child?

"Ayla?" She looked up to see Jondalar standing at the corner of the hearth, holding the curtain back. He stepped inside tentatively and sat down on the edge of the sleeping platform. When Tholiza saw him, she let go of the breast she'd been nursing on, and smiled at him. Jondalar cooed a her in return before turning his attention back to Ayla.

He studied her for a moment, then climbed behind her to rub her lower back. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She answered quietly. "I'm sorry."

Jondalar stopped his ministrations. "For what?"

"I didn't mean to frighten everyone."

Jondalar wrapped his arm around her as he laid down beside her. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Ayla shook her head. "I don't know what to do. Lately I think my spirit totem is upset with me. His protection....I can't feel it. I think I angered him when we left the zelandonii."

"Why would you think that? Everything's worked out fine. We've found people to winter with, the Mother has blessed you twice. If She was upset with you, She would have withheld her blessing."

"Maybe. I'm scared Jondalar. When I was out yesterday something happened. I went on a spirit journey, but I didn't try to. One minute I was getting ready to come back to the cave, the next I was flying over the trees back towards the zelandonii lands."

Jondalar frowned. "Are you sure?"

Ayla nodded, then continued. "I saw the glacier, then I was on the other side. I started to go northeast then, towards the great waters of the west. Then, then the Mother's breast came into view and I was falling into it." Ayla started to shake as she repeated her experience and Jondalar held her tighter.

"I will not let anything happen to you Ayla, I promise. I would die before that happened."
"So would I." They both looked up to see Ranec standing near the curtain. He blushed and looked around the small area. "I uh, was just, I wanted to see how you were doing."

Ayla smiled at him. "I'm fine Ranec. Thank you."

"Ayla," she turned back to Jondalar. "What did you mean when you said your death was near?"

"I'm not sure." Ayla whispered. She was just as confused and puzzled as the rest of them. They turned towards a scratching on the curtain. After a moment, Losaduni walked in. He was bare from the waist up, and had different patterns painted on his body with red and black paste.

"Perhaps I can explain."

Ayla sat up and looked at the man hopefully. When he was One Who Serves, his power radiated from him.

"I've made offerings to the Mother, and went into Her spirit world. There is a battle going on. There are evil spirits that are trying to take you before She calls you. Sometimes, and most people don't know this," he added looking at Ranec and Jondalar, "the Mother's breast also serves another purpose. It's the way to Her underworld."

"So I am going to die!" Ayla cried, anguished and in fear. Losaduni shook his head. "Not necessarily. The spirits aren't after you. They're after your unborn baby. I don't know the purpose of it yet, but while I was in her world, a golden eagle appeared and showed me where he took you."

Ayla gasped, she hadn't mentioned the eagle to anyone. She held her stomach protectively. "Why? Why would they want an innocent baby?"

"It's because the child is innocent. Don't worry. We are not without ways to ward off evil, and we will have a ceremony to protect you and your child. We'll call upon Her and your totem spirits to watch over you until you give birth."

"What if that isn't enough?" Ranec asked, worried.

"Only the Mother knows what the outcome will be. Ayla needs to rest as much as possible between now and when she's due. She's not to be left alone for long periods, and she'll need those closest to her to protect her. If she is drawn into the spirit world against her will again, she'll need someone who loves her, a strong love, to bring her back. She was very lucky that she made it back yesterday."

"I won't leave you Ayla. I promise." Jondalar reassured her.

"Neither will I." Rance added.

Losaduni nodded. "Good. I'll have Solandia bring all of you some dinner. I have a ceremony to prepare, and then I'll be back."

Ayla pulled back the bison hide at the entrance of the cave and let out a breath. It had been almost a full moon since her 'incident' and she knew she was near her birth time. Though the nightmares had continued, she hadn't been on any spirit journeys. Losaduni had conducted a sacred ceremony and every night made her drink a cup of tea, which Ayla suspected helped curb her ability to dream. Neither Jondalar, nor Ranec left her side the entire time, as they'd promised. The problem was, as much as she appreciated what they were doing for her, she felt restless. She just wanted some time to herself, but Losaduni warned her of what could happen if she indulged that wish.

Lenadia came up to the opening and watched with Ayla. "It's beautiful, isn't it? I love seeing a fresh coating of snow blanket the plain."

"Yes it is." Ayla agreed. Lenadia then smiled at Ayla as she looked at her belly.

"You don't have much longer to wait" Lenadia beamed. It was always a special blessing for the entire cave when a woman gave birth. That meant the Mother was blessing and pleased with them. She was puzzled when Ayla frowned as she held her large stomach.

"I know."

"Is something wrong? You don't seem happy about it."

Ayla forced herself to smile and shook her head. "I'm just a little tired." Which was true, Ayla told herself, so it wasn't as if she were really lying. She watched as Lenadia walked away and closed the flap. The closer she came to giving birth, the more miserable Ayla felt. She was worried for both Jondalar and Ranec, and for herself. She knew, somehow, that no matter who's spirit helped to make her baby, things would never be the same.

Wolf yipped to get her attention and she smiled as he walked patiently towards her. Tholiza was holding onto his fur and Ayla knew from the grip that Wolf wasn't comfortable. The toddler would take a step or two before falling, but not letting go. Wolf patiently waited until the girl would pull herself up, then they'd advance another step or two.

Ayla walked forward as Tholiza smiled at her. Picking the child up and hugging her close, Wolf didn't miss the opportunity to slip away. "What have you been doing? Have you been walking for mama?"

The little girl laughed as she leaned over to get down and go explore again. Ayla complied, then straightened to see something ahead of her. Gasping, she took a step back from the vision.

Ranec had been watching Ayla the entire time she'd been at the cave entrance, and hurried forward. To Ayla, he seemed to come straight through the apparition. Taking her by the shoulders, he looked into the hollow, vague, look in her eyes.

"Ayla, what's wrong? Come on, do you hear me?" His pleas caught the attention from others in the cave and Jondalar, who'd been talking with Losaduni, rushed forward followed quickly by the shorter man.

"Jondalar, get behind her and get ready to catch her" Losaduni instructed as he nudged Ranec out of the way. The people who were in the area gathered around as he held Ayla's face, trying to get a response from her.

Knowing time was of the essence, he pulled his arm back and quickly slapped her hard across the face. No sooner had he done that, did two things happen. Ayla fell back into Jondalar's waiting arms, and Ranec tackled the man to the ground. Wolf then lunged forward and growled menacingly at the downed man.

"What are you doing? Let him go!" Solandia yelled as she came forward. She wanted to pull the dark man off her mate but the wolf kept her, and everyone else at bay.

"How could you!" Ranec spat as he kept the man pinned with his body weight.

"Ayla, Ayla can you hear me?" Jondalar asked as he gently fingered the angry red marks in the shape of a hand on Ayla's face.

Laduni came forward and manhandled Ranec off of One Who Serves, despite the warning growl from Wolf. He glared at the wolf and shoved Ranec towards Ayla and Jondalar. "He was helping her, how dare *you* accost our Holy Man?"

Every member of the cave was now standing in stunned silence at what they'd just seen, and Ranec looked from Ayla, who was starting to come around, then back to the holy man. He hadn't even realized what he'd done at the time. All he knew was that Ayla had been struck. His perfect Muta had been hurt and he would not allow that to happen. As reality struck, he realized just how serious a transgression he'd committed.

"I'm....I'm sorry."

"You should be sorry!" Verdegia spat as she and Solandia helped the man up.

Ranec looked around at the angry people, then at Ayla. She seemed to be coming around, and for that he was grateful. Murmurs were moving throughout the crowd that caused a pit to form in his stomach.

"See? They've brought nothing but trouble!"

"No wonder the Zelandonii banished them. They'll bring bad luck to our cave."
"Muna will withdraw all her blessings."

Jondalar pulled himself back into awareness to hear the comments around him, and then noticed Wolf still baring his teeth in a defensive gesture. "Wolf, come here." He commanded and the lupine complied, though he was reluctant about it. "Losaduni, are you alright?" He then asked, concerned.

The Holy Man massaged his arm while he nodded. "Please, don't jump to conclusions. It was a simple misunderstanding, nothing more. Go back to your hearths."

Slowly, with the help of Laduni the people reluctantly went back to their hearths, the mood of the cave subdued.

Jondalar helped Ayla to sit up as Landuni came over to them. "How are you feeling child?"

"I'm not sure. I saw it."

"What did you see?"
"I don't know. The darkness. I saw the darkness. It was here, right over there," she pointed.

A few people were still nearby when Ayla made the comment, and they glared at her before heading off to their hearths.

"Did it say what it wanted?" Losaduni asked.

"It all happened so quickly. It's been calling me. Why? Why me?" Ayla beseeched.

Losaduni patted her knee. "Not to worry. Only She knows why these things happen, but I have a good feeling. Not to worry, your child will be born soon, and all this will be nothing more than a bad memory."

"I hope so."

Jondalar helped Ayla stand and they made their way back to the hearth they shared. Ayla spied Solandia putting away her leather work and brushed Jondalar's hold off as she went over to her.

"Solandia?"

The woman didn't look up or acknowledge her so Ayla continued on. "I didn't mean to bring all this here. I just wanted to finally stop traveling. I don't know why the spirits are doing this, but I just wanted you to know that I am sorry."

Solandia sighed as her hands stopped, and she looked up at Ayla. She really did like the woman, and she knew so many different things. She was torn between wanting to tell her everything was ok, and asking her to leave for the sake of the cave, and her own children.

"I know."

Solandia went back to packing up her artwork and Ayla, not knowing what else to say, went over to their hearth. She pulled back the curtain that shut the entire hearth and saw Ranec sitting in the dim light of the small fire. Jondalar was sitting on the opposite platform holding Tholiza, and Wolf was sitting by Ranec.

"We can't keep doing this Jondalar. The Losanduni have taken us into their cave and all we've done, all I've done," she corrected herself, "Is bring misery. We have to leave."

"What? No! Ayla you don't know what you're talking about. It's the height of winter! Where would we go?" Jondalar asked, shocked.

She looked at Ranec who was staring at her, protests waiting to come out, then to Jondalar. "Back to the Zelandonii."

Neither man spoke as they stared at her. Finally Ranec found his voice. "You can't be serious. After everything the two of you have told me? Why would you even want to?"

Ayla stood and started to pace the small area. Facing the curtain, away from the shocked eyes, she gathered her thoughts. Speaking softly, she turned back around. "The only way to appease the spirits is if we go back. They told me a long time ago that the ninth cave was my home. I didn't listen and I left. I allowed Jondalar's people to banish us without even trying to fight. Now they wont leave me alone. If we don't go back they'll hunt me until I go mad or die!" Her voice had risen as her anxiety came out and after she finished she sat back down.

Wolf moved to her and sat by her feet as all three stared at each other, then the fire, none speaking.

Finally, Jondalar cleared his throat. "If you want to do this, really want to do this. I'll stand by you Ayla. But I don't know what we'll accomplish. They won't change their minds about us. When would you want to leave?" He asked, hoping she'd at least have enough sense to want to wait until after the baby was born. Knowing her though, he could never tell what she may want to do.

"Tomorrow. The day after at the latest."

Ranec shook his head as he stood. It was his time to pace. "No. You can't go until the baby is born. Don't you remember what happened last time? You need other women around."

Ayla shivered at the memories. The last thing she wanted was to go through what she did the last time. She somehow knew though, that if they didn't leave right away either she or her baby wouldn't be alive come spring.

"We need to leave now." She repeated knowing the odds.

Ranec turned to Jondalar. "Talk some sense into her!" He finished exasperated.

Jondalar looked at the woman he loved and knew her mind was made up. Her hair shown in the light from the fire and she looked just like a Doni with her full breasts and blessed stomach. Ayla felt his gaze on her and looked up into his vivid blue eyes. When he smiled at her, she felt her heart leap and her pulse begin to race.

Without taking his eyes off her, he smiled and spoke. "I trust Ayla's judgment, though I don't always understand it. If she says we need to leave, then we'll leave."

Ranec threw his arms in the air as he sat back down on his furs with a thud. Both looked over at him expectantly.

"All right! We'll go."

Ayla smiled in relief as Jondalar hugged her. They were surprised to hear a scratching on the hide.

"Come in."

"Madenia, what are you doing here?" Jondalar asked as the young woman glanced nervously behind her before shutting the curtain.

"Come and sit." Ayla scooted over and patted the spot in-between her and Jondalar.

"Thanks."

Madenia wouldn't look at any of them, and Ayla placed her hand on her back in a comforting measure. "Are you feeling ok?" She asked.

Madenia looked at Ayla with tears in her eyes. Since they'd been back, she and Ayla had talked a lot more and Ayla was like an older sister to her. "I don't want you to leave!" She wailed then hugged Ayla fiercely.

Ayla stroked her hair as she cried and rocked her gently. "We both knew that we'd have to leave sometime. My spirit guide is telling me that I need to go home. It won't be easy, and we may never be accepted, but I have to at least try. Can you understand that?"

Madenia nodded into Ayla's shoulder, and after a moment sat up. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and Ranec leaned over and handed her a soft rabbit skin for her nose.

"Thank you." She felt embarrassed with the dark eyes of the carver on her showing such concern. "I want to go with you when you leave." She announced, rendering her audience speechless.

"Madenia, think about what you're saying. We don't even know if we'll be accepted. What about Verdegia? She'll miss you and you may never see her again."

"I don't care. I've thought about this for a long time. About leaving. There is too much here to remind me of what happened. No one looks at me the same as before...."

"Before?" Ranec asked, but Ayla shook her head. Now was not the time to bring up bad memories.

"I was going to leave on my own, go on a long journey. I'd rather go with you. If you'll have me. There's nothing for me here anymore."

"You still have your birth status." Jondalar offered.

"I don't care about status! Status can't make it go away, can it? Can it make people stop talking about me at the summer gatherings? I'm tired of being stared at and made fun of."

Ayla frowned as Madenia poured her heart out. She knew that something had been bothering the girl, woman, she corrected herself, but she hadn't known it was this deep.

"People, no matter where you live, can sometimes be cruel. Most of the time its out of fear."

"Fear? Why would anyone fear me?" Madenia asked, exasperated.

"People fear what they don't understand. What happened to you with Charoli, they don't understand."

"It wasn't my fault!" Madenia wailed.

Ranec looked on in puzzlement. He hadn't really spent too much time with the beautiful young woman, but that didn't mean he hadn't noticed her. A beautiful woman always caught his eye. He was drawn to it by the artist in him. He'd tried to feel her out once or twice, but she had always avoided his tentative gestures. Deciding she just wasn't interested, he looked elsewhere for companionship. Now it seemed there was more to her shyness than he'd first imagined.

"I didn't ask them to attack me! They forced me and I'm the one being punished for it! I saw them at the last summer meeting. Sure they were made to give retribution to our cave and mother for what they did, but what about me? I still went through with first rites because you told me to not turn my back on pleasures because of them, but it wasn't pleasures." Madenia seemed to realize that the two men were also listening to her, and stopped talking abruptly. Redness tinged her cheeks as she looked down.

"Did he hurt you? The man you picked for your first pleasures?" Ayla asked concerned.

"Hah....picked? Do you think any man would agree to share first rites with me after what had happened? Losaduni had to arrange someone. I didn't even know him. He was from one of the eastern camps. He was also so old! They couldn't find anyone else." She paused, realizing that she hadn't answered Ayla's question. "No, he didn't hurt me. But....it wasn't like what you and Jondalar shared." She answered quietly. She couldn't bring herself to look at Jondalar, but if she had, she would have seen the same blush creep to his face.

"What will your mother think if you leave?" Ayla asked, trying to make sure that if Madenia wanted to leave, she'd think through all aspects first.

"I hardly ever talk to her anymore. She's given up on trying to mate me off, and I don't think I can stand to live with her any longer."

Ayla looked at Jondalar over her head, who nodded, then she looked to Ranec. When he also agreed, she spoke. "If you'd like to join us, you're more than welcome. We'll be leaving the day after tomorrow."

Madenia let out a relieved breath and hugged Ayla again. "Thank you! I'll be a big help, you'll see."
"I'm sure you will be." Ayla laughed and watched as Madenia practically skipped out of the hearth.