A/N What might have happened the day after "Female Trouble". Maxi is determined to make Logan admit to his emotions and confront his depression. Not sure what to rate – a few words so put PG. Shippery fluff. Wasn't sure about putting this up but oh well why not.
"Hey Bling. Where's the great one?" Max breezed into Logan's apartment.
"Weekly doctor's appointment. You know – every Thursday morning." He looked at her surprised she had forgotten.
"Just making sure. You're the one I really need to talk to" becoming serious. "Has he told you anything about what went on the last few days ?"
Bling regarded her and answered seriously "Not really, other than telling me to take two days off and not come in until today. He seems pretty bummed about his relapse but that's not a surprise."
"Did you know he has a gun here ? And I think he was pretty close to using it on himself yesterday." Bling was not as surprised as she would have expected him to be.
"Yeah, that figures…it's pretty common for people in Logan's situation to think suicide at one point or another. How serious was he do you think ?"
"Bling, I really think he came this close to doing it." She held up two fingers almost touching to illustrate her point " I'm not sure what stopped him – I didn't get here in time. Anyway I wanted to ask you to keep an eye on him and buzz me if you think I should get over here."
"You know I will. But I'm only here during the day – nighttime is the worst you know."
"I've got that covered for now. Bling do you know anyone he could talk to ? That is if we can get him to go ?"
Bling considered. "Yeah, I've got a guy but you know how stubborn he is. Getting him to go is going to be a major challenge. Here's the name and number." He pulled out a piece of paper and quickly wrote down the information handing it to Max.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" Max looked at it and at Bling.
"Babe, if anyone can get Logan to go to this guy, it's you. You are the only one I know who can match him in stubbornness. As well as the other tools you can play that I can't." Max blushed as she took his meaning.
"Bling it isn't like that with us. What is it with you peeps ?"
Bling just smiled. "Sure Max, you don't care about him and he doesn't care about you. Like I said you two are the most stubborn mules I know. Blind too." With that he turned to cleaning up the workout equipment leaving Max to ponder his words.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At six that evening Max quietly let herself into Logan's penthouse. Glancing into his computer room she saw it was empty and, concerned, she began to look around for him.
"I didn't know you were coming. Sorry, I forgot to go shopping today. Maybe you can pick something up on your way home" His voice made her turn to the living room to find him sitting and staring out of the window.
"No problema. I scored a coupla steaks and since Kendra has left me high and dry and OC is out with a new squeeze, I came to Chef Cale for help. If I try to cook these babes I'll be eating grilled charcoal." Without waiting for a reply she breezed into his kitchen and placed her package on the island.
"Max, tonight really isn't a good night…"
"Yeah yeah, I know, you've got a ton of research to do, save the world, blah blah blah. Even the great Eyes Only has to eat – it's called basic nutrition."
"If I cook your steaks will you go away and leave me alone?" his voice was flat, devoid of his usual teasing tone. Her concern growing, Max responded with a smile
"Depends."
"Depends on what?" he growled.
"I'll let you know after I eat. C'mon Cale, even if you don't need any calories a girl's got to eat." With that she grabbed the handles to his wheelchair and rolled him into the kitchen. Sighing he got to work cooking the steaks along with a salad and some baked potatoes. Max got out plates as he worked.
"So Logan, what wine goes with these?" she rooted in his wine rack.
"I'm not really in a wine mood tonight, Max."
"I am. Did I tell you that yesterday was my eleventh anniversary ?"
"Anniversary of what? Forget to tell me you were a child bride?"
Encouraged by his sarcastic response she laughed. "Hardly. The escape. Yesterday was my eleventh Independence Day. Should have shot off some fireworks or something. But then again getting Jace away from Lydecker was pretty cool."
Logan smiled at her in spite of himself. When Max was happy she was breathtaking. Rolling over to the wine rack he pulled out a bottle.
"In that case – this will be good with the steaks." Rewarded by her smile he went back to finishing their dinner while she set the table and opened the wine. Digging in drawers she pulled out two candles, lit them and placed them in the middle of the table. Soon the food was ready and they took their places at the table.
Logan lifted his wineglass "To you Max and your freedom." Smiling at him she drank and they began to eat. Conversation was light carried mostly by Max who entertained him with the latest antics of the gang at Jam Pony. When they had finished she carried the plates to the kitchen and placed them in the sink. Taking the wine and their glasses she moved into the other room and sat down on the sofa.
Logan followed her slowly. "I really need to work…." he began.
"Like you were working when I got here?" she challenged him.
"Max, I know you mean well but I really need some time alone. I don't need a babysitter. Don't you have to go hang at Crash with your friends ?" His tone was cold and dismissive.
"Cut the crap, Logan.," she said harshly startling him. "I saw the gun yesterday and I heard what you said in the car about not living in the chair. It doesn't take a genius to know what's going on here."
"Max, I have no idea what you're talking about." he tried to brazen it out avoiding her eyes.
"No you have no idea about much do you?" she flung at him. "You're so wrapped up in yourself and your own problems that you forget about other people."
"Oh? What do you call Eyes Only then ?" he responded growing angry.
"I'm not talking about the anonymous masses. I'm talking about your friends. We care about you. Did you ever think about that when you were holding that gun to your head?" Accusing brown eyes met blue and he turned away first.
"You may be in a wheelchair but at least you know what your problems are. I live in a freak show body and I have no idea of what lovely little surprises Manticore has programmed into me. Goddamn it Logan, you were walking! That means that somewhere out there is another doctor who can help you. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself why don't you find him? Once the immune rejection problem is solved I have the blood you need for the regeneration." Frustrated and angry herself she began to pace the room like a restless jungle cat.
Logan watched in silence, shocked by her anger. He had never really considered how her physical problems must bother her. Since he had assured her of a regular supply of Tryptophan her seizures were under control and to him she was perfection, strong and graceful, better than human.
"Max, I never realized. I think of you as superhuman as perfect. That's part of my…" he broke off aware of how much he had almost revealed.
"Part of your what?" she pounced. He looked away unwilling to answer.
"Oh shit, Just when we start to communicate you clam up on me again. You are such a typical male, Logan."
For a few minutes there was silence neither one willing to be the first to speak. Max sat back down and drank some more wine.
He continued his silence and she muttered to herself. "Mule is right."
"Did you just call me a mule?" he finally answered, stung by the comment.
"Actually Bling did but I have to agree with him"
"What else did Bling have to say?" he demanded. Max blushed at the memory of Bling's other words to her. "Nothing you need to know" she answered. He noted her blush and guessed what direction Bling had been going in.
"Bling doesn't always know what he's talking about" he stated coldly. Max regarded him silently for a minute and decided to go for broke.
"I think in this case he does. You started to say that my so called perfection is part of your problem, didn't you ?"
Logan continued to sit stony-faced refusing to be drawn.
"You also said yesterday that there were a lot of reasons you wanted out of the chair. I'm one of those reasons aren't I?" Walking over and kneeling in front of him she reached up and turned his face to hers. When he still refused to answer she grew angry again.
"Logan I never thought I'd call you a coward but you are. You won't face your wheelchair, you won't face your family, you won't face your feelings for me. Manticore tried to cut out my emotions but they didn't succeed. Maybe they should have taken lessons from you." Her voice was icy cold, a tone he had never heard from her before and her words cut like whip strokes.
Listening, Logan felt feelings he had been denying, welling up inside of him beating at the walls he had erected around his emotions for as long as he could remember. The walls that Max had unknowingly been chipping away at for months creating tiny fissures and cracks. Suddenly the walls came down and he found himself acting without thought as feelings of anger and sorrow and pain surged through him.
"You want emotion? I'll give you emotion, Max" he blazed at her. Grabbing her shoulders he pulled her to him and his lips came down on hers in a brutal kiss. There was nothing soft or gentle about it, it was harsh and punishing, reflecting his anger and frustration. He was punishing her for all of the pain in his life, going back to his family, his experiences with Daphne and Valerie and finally the shooting and it's aftermath. In that moment she wasn't Max to him, she was the embodiment of everyone and everything that had ever hurt him.
She could easily have pulled away but having suffered her share of pain in her life Max instinctively understood what was driving him. Instead of fighting, she flung her arms around his neck and gave in to his lips moving on hers. After long minutes Logan became aware of the softness of her lips and the tears running down her cheeks as she kissed him back. Gentling the kiss his tongue slipped into her mouth where it tangled with hers.
Finally he lifted his lips from hers and keeping his arms around her gently stroked her hair. "I'm sorry Max, I shouldn't take things out on you." He was reeling from the emotions swirling through him while at the same time he was aware of a fierce desire to lose himself in her physically, to escape from his world of hurt for a short time. Max could feel his heart pounding furiously in his chest as she rested her head against him.
She raised her face to his and smiled gently. "It's okay, Logan, friends are for being there when you need them. That's something I've learned from you" Blue eyes met brown and he slowly nodded. The desire didn't go away but it eased leaving him room for rational thought.
"I've kept a lot of things inside me for a long time, Max. Someday, soon, maybe I can tell you about them?" She met his eyes and nodded.
"I'd like that Logan. Not to change the subject but my knees are starting to go numb, think we can move to the couch?" He nodded and standing she pushed his chair over to the couch and watched as he moved himself onto it. Once he was settled she gracefully dropped down next to him and turned slightly to face him. There was a lighter feeling to the air as if a fierce storm had passed over and was now gone.
"Logan, Bling gave me the name of this guy that he thought maybe you could talk to." she began hesitantly. He was silent for a moment and then slowly said.
"Maybe." She was encouraged that he hadn't given her an outright refusal and pushed a little harder.
"Will you seriously consider it? For me and for your friends?" She stared into his blue eyes willing him to agree. He was silent for a moment than nodded and replied
"I'll seriously consider it, Max." He smiled down at her. "For you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Sensing that she had made progress and it was time to drop the subject she nodded. They sat silent for a few minutes each lost in their own thoughts. Then taking a deep breath and drawing on her courage she began "Logan, about what just happened …" She stopped unsure of how to go on but needing to know that she was more than a handy outlet for his emotional release.
He sat silent for a moment and she thought he wasn't going to answer. Finally he drew a breath and looking into her eyes began to speak.
"Max, you accused me of being a coward and denying my emotions. You were right so I'm going to try to be more open, with you at least. I do have feelings for you and they're more than just friendship" his blue eyes were dark with emotion and he reached over to hold her hand.
"Logan, I'm new at this emotion thing too. Manticore didn't succeed but they did make it hard for me. Maybe we can just take it slow for now. I think we need some time to get it right." She felt like she was losing herself in his blue eyes as he regarded her seriously.
"I agree, I don't want to screw up what we have by rushing things." He gave her one of his wicked grins "A kiss on occasion would be okay do you think? Between something more than friends?"
Before she could respond he pulled her to him and this time the kiss was soft and slow and sweet, all anger forgotten, but with a strong hint of underlying passion. For long moments they were lost in the taste and feel of each other luxuriating in their new closeness. Finally Logan broke the kiss and they pulled apart.
"Time to slow it down a little before things get out of control." Max nodded and he put his arm around her and pulled her close, her head resting on his shoulder. He could have sworn he heard her purring before she asked in an innocent voice.
"So, Logan, I'm curious, do you usually wear black silk boxers or was that to impress the doctor?" He looked down to see if she was teasing and seeing that she was smiled back at her.
" Not necessarily the doctor ….bothered you did they?"
"You might say so."
"Good." he replied smugly. "I'll be happy to bother you further anytime you're ready."
"Promise ?" going from teasing to something more serious but as yet unspoken.
"Promise. For you." His words held a world of meaning reflected in the expression of his eyes as they met hers. Neither was ready yet for the next step but both knew now that it was only a matter of time.
As the moon rose over Seattle they relaxed together ready to let tomorrow bring what it would.