Chapter Seventy-One

Later that evening, Qui-Gon made his way alone down the bustling avenues of Coruscant. His thoughts churned inside him. He had been mulling over not only his talk earlier with Yoda, but also the last time he had seen Cian.

It had been a few days ago. They had been at her apartment, having just finished dinner. Then, suddenly, Cian had asked him why he could not bring himself to touch her. He looked back at her, caught off guard by the question.

"What do you mean, Cian?"

"Ever since we came back to Coruscant, you haven't touched me. Not since that night in the hospital."

"Cian, I meant nothing by it. I wanted to give you time."

She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

"At first I thought I was just imagining it, but it's been four months."

She folded her arms across her chest and sighed heavily. Tears spilled down her cheeks. When he reached out to her, she backed away and asked him to leave. When he contacted her the next day, she told him she understood why he was so ill at ease with her. When he tried to explain he was not, he suddenly realized she was right. But not for the reasons she thought.

Qui-Gon sighed as he walked down the street. He was uncomfortable around her, but not because of what Rukal had done to her. It was because he loved her more than he had ever thought possible. And yet, he still could not find it within his heart to open himself to that love completely. He was a Jedi. His entire life had been devoted to the will of the Force. There had never been any room in it for love.

Yet, despite his misgivings and his fears, his heart beat hard at the thought of how much he wanted to be with her, to touch her, and to show her the beauty which dwelt within her.

Qui-Gon stopped for a moment and looked up at the star-dappled sky. The universe stretched out around him; vast, dark, and infinite. Billions of stars burned within an eternity of emptiness and around those stars myriad worlds turned, some dark and barren, others bright and fertile. And yet, he suddenly realized, all that was nothing, he was nothing, without love.

Qui-Gon looked away from the sky and down at his hand. In it he carried the Jaharan rose the grounds-keeping droid had given him. Then he saw, without surprise, that he was standing in front of the pathway which led to Cian's apartment. He hesitated for only a moment, then walked swiftly to her door. He pressed the chime.

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Cian woke to the sound of the door chime. She turned sleepily over and looked at the tablechrono. Who could be visiting at this time of night?

She got up, quickly wrapped a robe about her and hurried towards the door. She opened it.

Qui-Gon stood in the doorway, the night sky a star-bejeweled backdrop behind the tall silhouette of his shadowed figure.

Cian's heart beat quickly. Her throat moved, but she couldn't speak. She had been so afraid she had hurt him and he would never return. Suddenly there was a universe of words she wanted to say to him, but she was frozen, unable to move.

He reached over and handed her a long package. She took it from his hand, slowly unwrapped it. It was a single Jaharan rose.

"Oh, Qui-Gon," she whispered.

"May I come in?" he asked.

"Of course, forgive me." Cian stepped back as he walked through the door.

She closed the door behind him and gazed down at the rose.

"It's lovely, Qui-Gon. Thank you."

"Actually, it's not from me."

She looked up at him quizzically.

"I mean, it is from me." he said, "No, what I meant is a droid in the Temple gardens gave it to me to give to you."

Cian nodded. "I'll put it in a vase."

She went into the kitchen. Qui-Gon followed her.

Reaching up Cian pulled a vase from a shelf, quickly filled it with water and gently placed the rose inside it. She lowered her face to its rich blossom and drank in its sweet scent. Then she lifted her head and spoke quietly, her back to Qui-Gon.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night, Qui-Gon. You've been so kind and patient with me and all I know to do is act like a monster. Can you ever forgive me?"

Cian felt him move to stand behind her. Then slowly he put his arms around her. She sighed deeply as she leaned back against his broad chest. His beard rubbed against the side of her forehead.

"That tickles," she said softly.

"What tickles?" he said, brushing his lips against her hair.

"Your beard. It tickles."

"It's not supposed to tickle," he murmured.

"Well, it does."

"Shall I shave it off for you? Would that please you, my lady?"

Cian laughed softly. "Don't you dare."

Qui-Gon reached up and put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Then, without a word, he gathered her up in his arms. Cian pressed her face against his shoulder as he carried her to the bedroom. Her pulse quickened and she trembled in his arms when Qui-Gon laid her slowly upon the bed. He sat next to her, his large hand caressing her face as he gazed down at her.

"I love you, Cian." he said softly. "And I shall love and protect and cherish you as long as you live. And beyond. Will you have me?"

Cian didn't answer right away. She had yearned for this moment for so long and yet, what should have been precious had been ripped away from her, sullied and despoiled. She wasn't the same person anymore. Rukal had seen to that. Her eyes filled with tears and they spilled down her face.

Qui-Con stroked away her tears as they fell. Cian's pulse pounded, for the touch of his hand on her face was almost unbearable in its tenderness.

"Tell me," he urged gently.

"I had wanted you to be the first," she said in a choked voice.

"Listen to me, Cian," he said. "What happened on Jalat; that was not love. I will be the first, if that is what you want."

"Oh, yes, I do, I do want it," she cried.

"But if you're not yet ready---"

She reached up and stopped his mouth with her hand.

"Qui-Gon?"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me."

"Are you certain?"

She nodded.

He leaned over and slowly pressed his lips to hers. Cian closed her eyes and then, shyly, returned his kiss and, as her desire for him surged through her she moaned softly. Encouraged by her response, Qui-Gon gradually deepened the kiss, his mouth moving over hers so slowly Cian could only imagine he wanted to savor the taste of her.

She slipped her hands up his chest and around his neck. He gathered her into his arms, pulling her close. Then, moving slowly, Qui-Gon pressed her down onto the bed, kissing her all the while, his lips soft and warm on hers.

But as they kissed, Cian suddenly had a flashback of Rukal's body pressed cruelly down on hers and a whimper escaped her throat.

Qui-Gon quickly broke the kiss and pulled slightly away from her. He reached down and gently held her face.

"We don't have to," he whispered.

Cian shook her head. "I want you so, it's just that---"

"Shhhh," he said, his fingers trailing across her trembling lips. "You don't have to explain."

He stroked her cheek, then with a deep sigh, laid next to her, his arms warm and strong about her, his hair tickling her cheek. And for long quiet moments they lay together, the only sounds their mingled breaths.

Cian sighed and turned in his embrace so she could slip her arms about him. She was grateful he was giving her time.

Then she felt Qui-Gon stir and reach across her.

"What's this?" he asked.

Cian turned her head. He was holding a tiny golden vial which had been sitting on her nightstand. The vial glowed in the darkness.

"Oh, Aalea left that here. It was given to her by Princess Nadira. I keep forgetting to return it. Could you take it back to her for me?"

"Of course," Qui-Gon said as he turned the tiny vial in his fingers. "Fascinating. The way it seems to glow with its own light."

"Aalea said it's called the Attar of Love."

"Interesting name. What does it smell like?"

"I don't know. Aalea brought it over because she knew I loved perfumes. She thought I'd might like to sample it, but we were so busy talking about other things we forgot to open it."

Cian reached over and took the vial from Qui-Gon. She pulled out the stopper. Immediately a scent unlike anything she had ever known enveloped her. It was moonlight and sunrise, spring rain and winter snow, tears and sighs and dreams. She closed her eyes. Before she knew what she was doing she swept the stopper across her neck.

Then she felt Qui-Gon's hands on hers. She opened her eyes. He took the vial from her, closed it and put it back on the nightstand. He then buried his face in her neck. Cian felt him breathing deeply of the perfume, his breath warm on her skin.

"Cian," he whispered, as he touched her neck with his lips. "I love you. And I want you. I want you so much."

Cian trembled as Qui-Gon's arms tightened around her. "And I you. But then, you've always known that."

Then a look of concern crossed her face.

"Qui-Gon, I'm not on any kind of conception regulation."

"Don't worry. I've taken care of that," he murmured.

He slowly pressed his lips to hers and, as the night deepened around them, they gently and tenderly made love and Cian was finally healed of her fear and shame and sorrow.

To be continued...