A Sailor Moon ParoD(iC)y: Part 4
Dictated to Sailor Charon, Bard of the Senshi by all of the Sailors
tired of the huge plot holes in an otherwise enthralling story.
(Ah finally, the last section! As you can tell, this was originally
intended to read in one go and it doesn't break up into one chapters so
well. ^^; Well, anyway, lets watch the crazy hijinks that ensue when Tenchi
chooses Tsunami in the final episode!)
~*~
"I am the Senshi of Balance... the Narrator Sailor Charon!" [[" Ha ha ha
ha ha!!!!" The narrator runs about gleefully since Pluto NEEDS her to do
this and can't STOP her... *whack*...]]
Everyone's heads snap up as they turn in surprise to the unexpected
newcomer... no NEWCOMERS. The crater pocked park was SURROUNDED by
Sailor Senshi!
"Whoa..."
"I am the Senshi of Renewal... Sailor Tethys!" announces a petite girl
who bears a striking resemblance to Sailor Saturn.
"And I am the Senshi of Memories....Sailor Callisto!" announces another
sailor suited girl, this one standing at the opposite end of the park.
Sailor Moon seems quite pleased at this announcement. Who could blame
her...after all, it was her boyfriend who had been voted 'Most Likely to
Forget His Own Name'. She, herself, had lost that title by only one
vote...
"I am the Senshi of Emotion....Sailor Io!" Surprisingly this Sailor is a
male, complete with full male version of the Sailor Suit.
In fact half of the senshi surrounding the park were males...
Some unnamed Planet Senshi shouts 'WOO HOO!"
The energy drained Molly --who had been forgotten by everyone in the
excitement of the fight-- suddenly leaps to her feet and in a flash of
light transforms.
"I am da Senshi of Saprises(Surprises)...Saila Enceladas!" she calls
out.
"Molly?" Everyone facefaults and those who personally knew the
supposedly ordinary friend of Serena's collapse in surprise.
"So THAT's why she keeps getting attacked. She was just full of senshi
energy!" Mars comments.
Forty five minutes later the new Sailors finish introducing themselves.
Sweat drops abound on the heads of the Inner and Outer Senshi, the
cats, Foo Foo Baddies, and on Kunzite.
"And we are the Senshi of the Moons!" the silver-haired Sailor Charon
concludes as she poses with her yin-yang symboled Mobius Staff.
"What! I thought you said that all the Sailors were already here!"
Kunzite can not stop himself from shouting. This was a most distressing
development.
"There ARE no other Sailors...for this galaxy anyway..." Venus replies
in shock.
"Yeah... who ARE you?" Sailor Jupiter questions in amazement.
"What?! We ARE the Senshi of the Moons... you surely don't want to us to
repeat ALL of our introductions? Weren't you paying attention for the
first half hour?" Charon frowns down at the other Sailors.
"That's not possible....Senshi for ALL the moons?" Uranus asks.
"There is a Sailor for Earth's moon!" Charon points her staff at Sailor
Moon."Why not for the other moons in this galaxy?"
"But do you KNOW how many moons there are in this galaxy?" Luna
asks, still disbelieving the new Sailors' claims.
The Moon Senshi exchange glances.
"Yes," Sailor Charon gestured towards the Sailors surrounding the park."
I think we know how many of us there are."
"Incredible..." Sailor Neptune draws in a breath and looks at the
many, many, many, many, many, more companion fighters there are.
"But MALE senshi?" Jupiter asks.
"Hey, what's wrong with male senshi?" Sailor Io demands.
Jupiter thinks about it a moment and a smile comes to her lips.
"Nothing..." she says innocently.
"We've hit the JACKPOT!" Jupiter mouths to the grinning Sailor Venus.
"HA! HA! HA!," Tuxedo Mask's voice comes out muffled from beneath the
pile of women. "I knew there could be male senshi! EARTH STAR POWER!"
With the women still clinging to him Tuxedo Mask transforms into the
Senshi of Forgetfulness, Sailor Earth. In the MALE sailor suit...so
don't get any funky ideas! Several voices are raised in protest in the
background.
"Noo... I am Darien's sister... the REAL Sailor Earth!"
"I come from the future... Sailor Earth!"
"I come from the past... Sailor Earth!"
"I am Terra... aka Sailor Earth!"
"No.. I AM TERRA... also known as Sailor Earth!"
"No I AM!"
"I am the Senshi of Earth... Sailor Earth!"
"No you're NOT! I AM!"
"Hmm...I seem ta rememba bein' Saila Earth in a parallel unaverse."
Molly adds.
"HEY!" Tuxedo Mask aka Sailor Earth --well, technically he isn't wearing
a tuxedo or a mask anymore, so that old name is out-- shouts. "EVERYONE
knows that I am the unofficial Senshi of the Earth! _I_ get to be Sailor
Earth!"
The background voices quiet down with one last cry of 'Copyright
Infringement!'
Unfortunately, Darien in Sailor Earth form still wasn't strong enough to
overcome the females glued to his costume. Sailor Tethys looks at the
pile of women on top of Tuxedo Mask.... err Sailor Earth.
"I think that the Sailor Team NEEDS more males from the look of it...."
"TETHYS!" Charon admonishes.
Kunzite draws in a deep breath.
"I don't care how many of you there are! Eight or eighty...the mighty
Nega-verse which is somehow insanely linked to every single villain even
when the actual Nega-verse is destroyed..." Kunzite pauses for another deep
breath. "...will triumph! Yes, it will triumph...even though every other
villain has been destroyed or converted...THIS *gasp* time we will
triumph! triumph... Triumph.... TRIUMPH! Bon Bon...I mean, Foo Foo Baddies
ATTACK!"
"CHARON DARK RISING!"
"TETHYS IMPACT CRATER!"
"IO LIGHT STAR!"
"ENCELADAS POWA DRAIN!"
There is a sudden cacophony of sound as all of the Moon Senshi
simultaneously yell out their attacks. The park is awash in light,
colors, and powers.... and finally when everyone can see again they find
themselves surrounded by millions of Foo Foo Baddies.
"Eep..." says Sailor Charon.
"Dat's na good..." says Molly aka Sailor Enceladas.
It takes several moments for everyone else to figure out what she just
said. Apparently being in Sailor form heightened her accent.
"Wwe...ddidn't have tttime to tell you about the FFfoo Foos mmultiplying
when they are sshhattered..." a wide eyed Mercury stutters.
Pluto looks up from her tug of war game over Sailor Earth between
her, Chibi Moon, Sailor Moon, and Sailor Mars.
"Charon, you were the narrator...YOU should have KNOWN better!" she
chastises.
Charon looks around at the sea of Foo Foo Baddies. She and Tethys
exchange an unreadable look and then the white-suited Sailor leaps down
into the park. She rushes towards the place where Sailor Earth is slowly
being suffocated.
"As long as we are going to die..." Charon says as she begins beating
Pluto over the head with the Mobius Staff.
"Now there IS no choice." Sailor Saturn murmurs as she lifts the Silence
Glaive above her head.
"DEATH RIBBON..."
"What do you MEAN 'Death Ribbon'??? It's 'Death REBORN Revolution!'
Don't you know your own attack?" Jupiter interrupts.
Saturn scowls, peeved that her great dramatic moment was interrupted.
"Excuse me, I am trying to destroy and recreate a world here. And YES, I
DO know the names of my own attacks!"
"DEATH RI..."
"I have to agree with Jupiter, here... Death RIBBON Revolution? Ribbons
are going to destroy the Earth?!? Anyway, I am quite sure that I've
heard of 'Death Reborn Revolution' before." intervenes Venus.
Saturn sighs in annoyance.
"Yes,there IS a 'Death Reborn Revolution' in the manga...however, the
videogame associated with the anime uses 'Death RIBBON Revolution'!"
Saturn explains, her patience growing thin.
"Oh come on...RIBBON?...."
"Is it so much worst then an evolving leaf or a loving chain?" Saturn
quips.
"Hey, we never claimed that our powers could destroy the world! You, on
the other hand, seem to want to raze the world with RIBBONS..." Jupiter
retorts.
"I can't believe that I am debating the name of my own POWER with two
Sailors who have had the exact same HAIRDOs for YEARS!" Saturn finally
bursts out as she waves the Silence Glaive around in exasperation.
"Hey, are you insulting our hairstyles?" Jupiter demands.
"No, I think it is very CREATIVE that you always have your hair in a
pony-tail and Venus always has on that stupid red bow..."
"I'll have you know that a guy I really liked told me I looked GOOD in
this bow....!""
Neptune gazes at the arguing trio in faint amazement. Jupiter, Venus,and
Saturn are arguing about hairstyles, Pluto, Moon, Mars, and Chibi Moon
are occupied with Tux... Sailor Earth, Charon is occupied with bashing
Pluto, the 100 or so Senshi of the Moons are in deep discussion with
Mercury, Luna, and Artemis trying to convince them of their legitimacy--
Molly being a Sailor Senshi appeared to detract from their case... even
herUranus is flirting with Tethys. It appeared that everything is left up
to her.
Casually Sailor Neptune calls forth her Deep Aqua Mirror.
"SUBMARINE REFLECTION!"
Neptune sees that Kunzite is the source of the dark energy -- as if
everyone didn't KNOW that already-- and unseen she approaches him.
Taking a hint from the one formerly known as Tuxedo Mask's nearly
successful attempt on Kunzite, Neptune begins to channel her anger....
"Hai-yaaaaaah!!!" the teal clad senshi leaps at the unsuspecting
Kunzite. "This is for all those stupid people who don't move AWAY from this city
even AFTER they have their Heart Crystals, Dream Mirrors, Star
Seeds, Rainbow Crystals, and everything and anything in between stolen!"
Neptune bashes Kunzite over the head with the Deep Aqua Mirror.
Before Kunzite can protest Neptune strikes again."And this is for the
people who are too blind to recognize who we are when our only disguise
is a lousy tiara!"
Kunzite tries to block Neptune's attack,but the turquoise haired Senshi
is in a frenzy. "And THIS is for having me transform into a suit that looks
almost EXACTLY like my school outfit, only with a shorter skirt! What
kind of protection is THAT?!"
Kunzite takes one look at Neptune and begins running. "AHHHHHHHH! MAD
WOMAN ON THE LOOSE! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAD WOMAAAAAAA"*whack*"
OUCH!"
Neptune raises the mirror again. "And THIS is for the names that our
American counterparts are going to end up with! Corrine? Celia? Nerissa?
HA!"
"Ouch!"
"And while we are on the subject of names... WHAT kind of title is
'SAILOR'??? Is that supposed to strike terror in the hearts of
villains?" Kunzite gets a nice round bump on the noggin from that one.
Kunzite tries once again to run away but Neptune is instantly behind
him.
"And THIS is for anyone who STILL refuses to believe the truth about me
and Haruka..." *WHACK*
Kunzite begins shouting for the other Sailor Senshi to save him but they
are too busy arguing... I mean, DEBATING to pay any heed.
"And THIS is for making all the original Senshi FEMALES..."
"Hey..." Kunzite weakly interjects. "What do you care about that?"
Neptune pauses for a moment." I don't really, but I'm sure that the
other Sailors do..."
Neptune continues"And THIS is for all the stupid villains who keep
attacking Tokyo.. over and over and over again... and who have no CLUE
that they should move on to other cities after they have been defeated for
the umpteenth time!"
Kunzite gets bashed over the head again. You wouldn't think that a
mirror could levy such a blow...
"And THIS is because I am the Princess of Neptune yet I don't get to
wear a pretty princess dress like Serena!" Kunzite is clobbered.
"And WHY are their no Outers in 'The Past Returns' episode??? We WERE
part of the Silver Millennium, you know!"*THUMP*
"And WHY does Sailor Moon have about fifteen different attacks and
costumes while I only have TWO of EACH???"
Kunzite begins waving around a white flag desperately.
"And THIS is for all those bad Sailor Moon sites on the Internet..."
It seemed that the day was saved when suddenly...
"Drat!" exclaims Sailor Charon as she pops her head up and looks around
suspiciously. A swirly-eyed Pluto still smiles and clings to Sailor
Earth. "There's that 'when suddenly' again!"
... when suddenly the sound of snapping fingers echoes throughout the
quite-crowded-at-the-moment park.
"Like an over-aged star dropping out of sight in Hollywood..." says one
mysterious voice.
"Like a smear of butter dripping off your corncob and dribbling down
your chin-- does anyone else find that annoying?" continues another voice.
"Oh, you've *got* to be kidding!" Sailor Earth's groan is muffled underneath
all the women.
"Like a hot wind blowing through a desert-- we are the Moonlight-- err
we are the Sailor Starlights!" the final voice proclaims.
"HEY! THAT''S MY LINE! YOU STOLE MY LINE!!!" Sailor Earth leaps up and
down in fury. Several drained bodies wake up enough to whip out cameras and
take pictures of various bouncing and jiggling Sailors still clinging to him.
"Errr... muffin..." Sailor Moon's whip-lashing ponytails take out
several nearby trees and drooling fanboys. "Let them keep it! Let them
keep it!"
"Wheeee!" Sailor Pluto adds.
"No panty shots!" yells Mars.
"All your Mamoru belong to me." The spore glares and clings tighter.
"Err... *ahem*?" The three mysterious figures pause and clear their
throats. "Stage out!"
Kunzite looks up from the ground at the three androgynous people in
leather bondage outfits dramatically standing backlit by the sun. "ARGH!
I'm blind! Quick Neptune, hit me again! Oww!"
"You're a bit late, aren't you?" Neptune says dryly as she taps her
mirror against a wrist.
"Oh, don't tell me you whipped the baddies already." Sailor Starhealer
pouts as she smooths down a stray strand of silver hair "I was *so* looking
forward to Starmaker's attack."
"Oh, shut up. Everyone always makes fun of my attack." Sailor Starmaker
glares around at the congregated sailors, the light of the sun reflecting
off her forehead and blinding all unwary eyes.
"And you were ribbing me about *my* attack name." Saturn giggles and
pokes Jupiter and Venus in the ribs with her elbows.
"I heard that!"
"Odango atama!" Starfighter rushes forth ready to embrace the meatballheaded
one only to find her otherwise... occupied. "Holy &*%^*!!!" she says as she
gapes at the tangle of sailors in front of her. "What does he have that I
don't?"
"My own lines," Earth snaps back. "And all the proper equipment in the
proper places." Moon giggles maniacally at his words.
*cough cough* "Ahem, keep is G-rated" *cough cough* Sailor Charon says.
The millions of foo foo baddies hover bemusedly in the air, unsure of what
to do now that there master was down for the count. "Still it seems, the day
is saved when suddenly..." Charon continues.
"Err, Charon? What are you talking about?" Uranus asks.
"Uh, just narrating..." The white-haired senshi smiles widely as she
sweatdrops.
"What did you just *narrate*?!" Uranus eyebrows lower menacingly.
"Don't tell me this isn't over yet! It's been way over half an hour!"
Sailor Moon whines.
-- when suddenly a bright blue puff of cloud coalesces in the air above
the sailors and slides open into a doorway. A blur of blue falls out of the
gateway and lands daintily on the ground.
"Hiiiiiiii!!!" Fish Eye chirps as he waves wildly. "So *this* is where
you all went! Oh wow-- that's a %$$*-load of sailors!"
All over the park gateways zip, flip, whip, and slurp open as various
baddies of the series, season, and day make their grand entrances. There is
much waving of cloaks, baring of teeth & claws, and various villainous
posturing. The foo foo and bon bon baddies greet each other, shake hands,
and make a date for afternoon tea.
"Hey, you can't leave us alone like that! There's no one to scheme
against!" Wise Man sniffs.
"Oh wowza, oh wowza-- hey's where's Nephrite/Nephlyte?" says Sailor
Enceladus.
"We missed you guys!" says Sailor Iron Mouse. "Oh geez, were you at it
like bunnies or what?" she continues as she eyeballs all the new sailors.
"Oh, poor baby!" Zoicite croons as (s)he cradles the poor bopped head of
Kunzite in its lap. No one can look at Zoicite without their eyes
tearing up as the figure of the Dark Nega-verse Kingdom's general shifts
form.
"Gack!" yells Sailor Moon. "Evil overload! Evil overload!" The silver
crystal shoots out from her chest sending out rainbow beams of light. Sailor
Moon begins her majestical transformation into Serenity-- unfortunately she
was still holding unto Sailor Earth at the time. With a final delicate spin
and a flutter of a frilly white dress she sends Mars, Chibi Moon, Pluto, and
Earth careening halfway across the park into a new postal zone.
While the other three appear to be... errr... somewhat incapacitated by
their unexpected flight... Sailor Earth immediately pops up again and whips
out a pair of pom-poms from his newly aquired sailor inter-dimensional warp
pocket (tm). "Go baby, go! Naked Serenity transformation! Woo hoo!" he shouts
as he dances around. Alan, Prince Diamond, and Sailor Star Fighter quite agree
with him.
"Oh, that's it!" Neptune yells and then transforms into *her* princess
form. Uh, we'll call her Tranquility. Uranus proceeds to pull out her
own pom-poms and do her version of the 'go baby' dance. Many people join
in with her.
"Ooh! Let me take care of them!" Sailor Saturn leaps to the front and
whips out her silence glaive.
"As narrator, I feel it is my duty--" Sailor Charon says as she lifts
her Mobius Staff.
"I'll show you! STAAAAAAAR---"
"MOOOOOOOOOOON---"
"NEEEEEEEPTUUUUUUNE---"
"Ooh! Me me me!" Several fanfic senshi jostle for position.
"Wait--" Pluto calls weakly from where she landed. "Not...
"SIIIILENCE GLAAAAIVE---
"CHAAAAARON DAAAAARK---
"MAAAAAAARY SUUUUUUUE---
"COOOOOOSMIIIIIC---"
"OCEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN---
"-- all at once!"
"UUUUUUUTERUS!"
"SUUUURPRISE!"
"DESECRATION!"
"IIIIMPLOOOSION!"
"POOOOOOOWER!"
"HAAAAAARMOOOONY!"
"The various baddies exchange looks and calmly step out of the way of
the great throbbing maelstrom of dark & light power. The surge of power
skitters away, the very essence of reality warping around it, until with
a great "POP" the air ruptures, leaving a gap where many surprised squinchy-
eyed,
droopy-haired people peer in.
"Ugh what-- who-- are they?" says Venus.
"Oh boy," says Artemis.
Pluto drags herself across the ground towards the hole in the air. "Oh,
now you've done it-- now you've done it! You've broken the fourth wall!
Charon! Stop mumbling to yourself and help me!"
Sailor Charon stops narrating the story long enough to help Pluto
unscrew the Garnet Orb from atop the Time Staff and replace it with a big-@$$
paintbrush top. Pluto swipes at the hole in the space-time continuum (the same
thing would happen if the sailors transformed out of order) and the normal
scenery of burnt trees, crisped park, drained bodies, and hundreds of sailors
and baddies fades back in.
"See what happens?" Serenity sniffs. "*I'm* supposed to save the day! No
one else!"
"So much power... ripped apart the very threads of reality!" Pluto leans
against her staff and glares at the sheepish sailors around her. "Didn't
you learn your lesson the *first* time with the foo foo baddies?"
"Biiida," says Sailor Charon. It looks like the Pluto & Charon are in
for a duel of oversized staffs when red lights flash and sirens go off around
the park.
"Ack! I swear I didn't steal that pie!" Emeraude yells.
"Not the child protection people?!" Sailor Earth is aghast. His words
bring a flurry of terror amongst the various creatures in the park for various
reasons.
"Worst then that." Pluto sighs wearily. "You breached the fourth wall.
You brought attention down upon us. It's--" And then the millenia old
warrior's voice mutates into that of a young pre-teen girl.
"Ha ha! What happened, Pluto?" Uranus grins.
"Oh, be quiet-- *Amara*!" The uber-young voice of Pluto snaps back as a
greater darkness looms over all.
Heroes and villains alike clutch at their heads as the background mists away
and the world fades in and out of focus.
"What-- what is happening?" Serenity asks and a piggish squeal comes out
of her throat. "Ack!"
"What happened to your voice?" asks Venus and then clutches at her own
throat.
And then as one, everyone turns to Neptune and Uranus and points.
"Ewwww!"
"Uh, they never said what degree cousins we were!" Uranus sweatdrops.
"Momma?" Serenity looks curiously at Neptune.
"Let's not even go there."
"You know, cousins can marry in Japan!"
"You aren't helping, Haruka."
"Oh, Mamo-chan!" Serenity turns to her one true love as tears brim, yet
again, in her eyes. "I don't sound human any more!"
"That's okay, I still love you!" Sailor Earth assures her as he looks
around for a gag.
"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm still Hotaru!" Saturn skips around the elder sailors
until she "accidentally" trips over Pluto's Time Staff.
"Oh this is horrible!" Jupiter exclaims. "I feel like Supreme Jupiter
Sparkling Thunder Wide Pressuring someone!"
"HA HA!" Sailor Starmaker points at Jupiter. "*Now* who has a stupid
name?"
And then Jupiter does.
While everyone is in an uproar with members of the four earlier seasons
beating up the Stars characters on general principle, a final dark gateway
opens up and one last figure enters the park.
"Hey!" says Nephlyte. "What did I miss?"
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"Oh, that's done it!" Pluto yells as the earth quakes and the sky
splinters apart in crashes of light. She grabs hold of several of the male
senshi of the moons to help maintain her balance.
"Uh, sure, to help maintain your balance." Charon says as she maintains
*her* balance using her staff.
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"Not to be repetitive but--- what the ^$^$ is going on?" Mercury asks as
a piece of the sky falls and shatters at her feet.
"Too many plot holes! Too many breaks in reality! The fanfic's going to
blow! We gotta get outta here!" Charon yells back.
"Get *out* of here? Out of the fanfic?" A groggy (and grumpy) Mars asks
as she finally recovers from her Serenity-paid vacation to La La Land.
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"What in the world is going on?" you ask. Everyone turns to gape at you.
"Oh great, it's the *reader*, that's just lovely!" Pluto exclaims as she
points to you.
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"There's only one place that we all-- original, dub, fanfic-- can
escape! The Earth Prince's Kingdom! Onward ho!" Pluto closes her eyes and
waves her staff. A sliver of silver opens into a gateway.
"Where?" Several characters shout. Considering that the world was
crumbling away beneath their feet as they spoke, they decide that this can
be discussed later.
"Is there enough time?" Mercury yells as bits of the background scenery
fragment into itty bitty pieces of nothingness.
The kitchen sink falls out of the sky and lands with a 'splat' in front of you.
"Don't look back-- just *go*!"
You are carried away through the gateway as a stream of characters
plunges through. The very fabric of this fanfic universe is torn asunder
while-- while-- while the narrator stands here stupidly narrating!
Sailor Charon dives for the gateway.
The Earth Prince's Kingdom
http://www.geocities.com/EPK.html
~*END*~
Oh dear, it seems we left Sailor Chibi Moon behind.
If you want further episodes of insanity-- well, too bad, I stopped
eatingthe paint chips from the wall several years ago. ;) Otherwise e-mail
your comments, praises, criticisms--no flames please... I'm not Sailor Mars
after all! Although I AM pretty good with this Mobius Staff-- to
princeendymion@earthling.net.
Dictated to Sailor Charon, Bard of the Senshi by all of the Sailors
tired of the huge plot holes in an otherwise enthralling story.
(Ah finally, the last section! As you can tell, this was originally
intended to read in one go and it doesn't break up into one chapters so
well. ^^; Well, anyway, lets watch the crazy hijinks that ensue when Tenchi
chooses Tsunami in the final episode!)
~*~
"I am the Senshi of Balance... the Narrator Sailor Charon!" [[" Ha ha ha
ha ha!!!!" The narrator runs about gleefully since Pluto NEEDS her to do
this and can't STOP her... *whack*...]]
Everyone's heads snap up as they turn in surprise to the unexpected
newcomer... no NEWCOMERS. The crater pocked park was SURROUNDED by
Sailor Senshi!
"Whoa..."
"I am the Senshi of Renewal... Sailor Tethys!" announces a petite girl
who bears a striking resemblance to Sailor Saturn.
"And I am the Senshi of Memories....Sailor Callisto!" announces another
sailor suited girl, this one standing at the opposite end of the park.
Sailor Moon seems quite pleased at this announcement. Who could blame
her...after all, it was her boyfriend who had been voted 'Most Likely to
Forget His Own Name'. She, herself, had lost that title by only one
vote...
"I am the Senshi of Emotion....Sailor Io!" Surprisingly this Sailor is a
male, complete with full male version of the Sailor Suit.
In fact half of the senshi surrounding the park were males...
Some unnamed Planet Senshi shouts 'WOO HOO!"
The energy drained Molly --who had been forgotten by everyone in the
excitement of the fight-- suddenly leaps to her feet and in a flash of
light transforms.
"I am da Senshi of Saprises(Surprises)...Saila Enceladas!" she calls
out.
"Molly?" Everyone facefaults and those who personally knew the
supposedly ordinary friend of Serena's collapse in surprise.
"So THAT's why she keeps getting attacked. She was just full of senshi
energy!" Mars comments.
Forty five minutes later the new Sailors finish introducing themselves.
Sweat drops abound on the heads of the Inner and Outer Senshi, the
cats, Foo Foo Baddies, and on Kunzite.
"And we are the Senshi of the Moons!" the silver-haired Sailor Charon
concludes as she poses with her yin-yang symboled Mobius Staff.
"What! I thought you said that all the Sailors were already here!"
Kunzite can not stop himself from shouting. This was a most distressing
development.
"There ARE no other Sailors...for this galaxy anyway..." Venus replies
in shock.
"Yeah... who ARE you?" Sailor Jupiter questions in amazement.
"What?! We ARE the Senshi of the Moons... you surely don't want to us to
repeat ALL of our introductions? Weren't you paying attention for the
first half hour?" Charon frowns down at the other Sailors.
"That's not possible....Senshi for ALL the moons?" Uranus asks.
"There is a Sailor for Earth's moon!" Charon points her staff at Sailor
Moon."Why not for the other moons in this galaxy?"
"But do you KNOW how many moons there are in this galaxy?" Luna
asks, still disbelieving the new Sailors' claims.
The Moon Senshi exchange glances.
"Yes," Sailor Charon gestured towards the Sailors surrounding the park."
I think we know how many of us there are."
"Incredible..." Sailor Neptune draws in a breath and looks at the
many, many, many, many, many, more companion fighters there are.
"But MALE senshi?" Jupiter asks.
"Hey, what's wrong with male senshi?" Sailor Io demands.
Jupiter thinks about it a moment and a smile comes to her lips.
"Nothing..." she says innocently.
"We've hit the JACKPOT!" Jupiter mouths to the grinning Sailor Venus.
"HA! HA! HA!," Tuxedo Mask's voice comes out muffled from beneath the
pile of women. "I knew there could be male senshi! EARTH STAR POWER!"
With the women still clinging to him Tuxedo Mask transforms into the
Senshi of Forgetfulness, Sailor Earth. In the MALE sailor suit...so
don't get any funky ideas! Several voices are raised in protest in the
background.
"Noo... I am Darien's sister... the REAL Sailor Earth!"
"I come from the future... Sailor Earth!"
"I come from the past... Sailor Earth!"
"I am Terra... aka Sailor Earth!"
"No.. I AM TERRA... also known as Sailor Earth!"
"No I AM!"
"I am the Senshi of Earth... Sailor Earth!"
"No you're NOT! I AM!"
"Hmm...I seem ta rememba bein' Saila Earth in a parallel unaverse."
Molly adds.
"HEY!" Tuxedo Mask aka Sailor Earth --well, technically he isn't wearing
a tuxedo or a mask anymore, so that old name is out-- shouts. "EVERYONE
knows that I am the unofficial Senshi of the Earth! _I_ get to be Sailor
Earth!"
The background voices quiet down with one last cry of 'Copyright
Infringement!'
Unfortunately, Darien in Sailor Earth form still wasn't strong enough to
overcome the females glued to his costume. Sailor Tethys looks at the
pile of women on top of Tuxedo Mask.... err Sailor Earth.
"I think that the Sailor Team NEEDS more males from the look of it...."
"TETHYS!" Charon admonishes.
Kunzite draws in a deep breath.
"I don't care how many of you there are! Eight or eighty...the mighty
Nega-verse which is somehow insanely linked to every single villain even
when the actual Nega-verse is destroyed..." Kunzite pauses for another deep
breath. "...will triumph! Yes, it will triumph...even though every other
villain has been destroyed or converted...THIS *gasp* time we will
triumph! triumph... Triumph.... TRIUMPH! Bon Bon...I mean, Foo Foo Baddies
ATTACK!"
"CHARON DARK RISING!"
"TETHYS IMPACT CRATER!"
"IO LIGHT STAR!"
"ENCELADAS POWA DRAIN!"
There is a sudden cacophony of sound as all of the Moon Senshi
simultaneously yell out their attacks. The park is awash in light,
colors, and powers.... and finally when everyone can see again they find
themselves surrounded by millions of Foo Foo Baddies.
"Eep..." says Sailor Charon.
"Dat's na good..." says Molly aka Sailor Enceladas.
It takes several moments for everyone else to figure out what she just
said. Apparently being in Sailor form heightened her accent.
"Wwe...ddidn't have tttime to tell you about the FFfoo Foos mmultiplying
when they are sshhattered..." a wide eyed Mercury stutters.
Pluto looks up from her tug of war game over Sailor Earth between
her, Chibi Moon, Sailor Moon, and Sailor Mars.
"Charon, you were the narrator...YOU should have KNOWN better!" she
chastises.
Charon looks around at the sea of Foo Foo Baddies. She and Tethys
exchange an unreadable look and then the white-suited Sailor leaps down
into the park. She rushes towards the place where Sailor Earth is slowly
being suffocated.
"As long as we are going to die..." Charon says as she begins beating
Pluto over the head with the Mobius Staff.
"Now there IS no choice." Sailor Saturn murmurs as she lifts the Silence
Glaive above her head.
"DEATH RIBBON..."
"What do you MEAN 'Death Ribbon'??? It's 'Death REBORN Revolution!'
Don't you know your own attack?" Jupiter interrupts.
Saturn scowls, peeved that her great dramatic moment was interrupted.
"Excuse me, I am trying to destroy and recreate a world here. And YES, I
DO know the names of my own attacks!"
"DEATH RI..."
"I have to agree with Jupiter, here... Death RIBBON Revolution? Ribbons
are going to destroy the Earth?!? Anyway, I am quite sure that I've
heard of 'Death Reborn Revolution' before." intervenes Venus.
Saturn sighs in annoyance.
"Yes,there IS a 'Death Reborn Revolution' in the manga...however, the
videogame associated with the anime uses 'Death RIBBON Revolution'!"
Saturn explains, her patience growing thin.
"Oh come on...RIBBON?...."
"Is it so much worst then an evolving leaf or a loving chain?" Saturn
quips.
"Hey, we never claimed that our powers could destroy the world! You, on
the other hand, seem to want to raze the world with RIBBONS..." Jupiter
retorts.
"I can't believe that I am debating the name of my own POWER with two
Sailors who have had the exact same HAIRDOs for YEARS!" Saturn finally
bursts out as she waves the Silence Glaive around in exasperation.
"Hey, are you insulting our hairstyles?" Jupiter demands.
"No, I think it is very CREATIVE that you always have your hair in a
pony-tail and Venus always has on that stupid red bow..."
"I'll have you know that a guy I really liked told me I looked GOOD in
this bow....!""
Neptune gazes at the arguing trio in faint amazement. Jupiter, Venus,and
Saturn are arguing about hairstyles, Pluto, Moon, Mars, and Chibi Moon
are occupied with Tux... Sailor Earth, Charon is occupied with bashing
Pluto, the 100 or so Senshi of the Moons are in deep discussion with
Mercury, Luna, and Artemis trying to convince them of their legitimacy--
Molly being a Sailor Senshi appeared to detract from their case... even
herUranus is flirting with Tethys. It appeared that everything is left up
to her.
Casually Sailor Neptune calls forth her Deep Aqua Mirror.
"SUBMARINE REFLECTION!"
Neptune sees that Kunzite is the source of the dark energy -- as if
everyone didn't KNOW that already-- and unseen she approaches him.
Taking a hint from the one formerly known as Tuxedo Mask's nearly
successful attempt on Kunzite, Neptune begins to channel her anger....
"Hai-yaaaaaah!!!" the teal clad senshi leaps at the unsuspecting
Kunzite. "This is for all those stupid people who don't move AWAY from this city
even AFTER they have their Heart Crystals, Dream Mirrors, Star
Seeds, Rainbow Crystals, and everything and anything in between stolen!"
Neptune bashes Kunzite over the head with the Deep Aqua Mirror.
Before Kunzite can protest Neptune strikes again."And this is for the
people who are too blind to recognize who we are when our only disguise
is a lousy tiara!"
Kunzite tries to block Neptune's attack,but the turquoise haired Senshi
is in a frenzy. "And THIS is for having me transform into a suit that looks
almost EXACTLY like my school outfit, only with a shorter skirt! What
kind of protection is THAT?!"
Kunzite takes one look at Neptune and begins running. "AHHHHHHHH! MAD
WOMAN ON THE LOOSE! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAD WOMAAAAAAA"*whack*"
OUCH!"
Neptune raises the mirror again. "And THIS is for the names that our
American counterparts are going to end up with! Corrine? Celia? Nerissa?
HA!"
"Ouch!"
"And while we are on the subject of names... WHAT kind of title is
'SAILOR'??? Is that supposed to strike terror in the hearts of
villains?" Kunzite gets a nice round bump on the noggin from that one.
Kunzite tries once again to run away but Neptune is instantly behind
him.
"And THIS is for anyone who STILL refuses to believe the truth about me
and Haruka..." *WHACK*
Kunzite begins shouting for the other Sailor Senshi to save him but they
are too busy arguing... I mean, DEBATING to pay any heed.
"And THIS is for making all the original Senshi FEMALES..."
"Hey..." Kunzite weakly interjects. "What do you care about that?"
Neptune pauses for a moment." I don't really, but I'm sure that the
other Sailors do..."
Neptune continues"And THIS is for all the stupid villains who keep
attacking Tokyo.. over and over and over again... and who have no CLUE
that they should move on to other cities after they have been defeated for
the umpteenth time!"
Kunzite gets bashed over the head again. You wouldn't think that a
mirror could levy such a blow...
"And THIS is because I am the Princess of Neptune yet I don't get to
wear a pretty princess dress like Serena!" Kunzite is clobbered.
"And WHY are their no Outers in 'The Past Returns' episode??? We WERE
part of the Silver Millennium, you know!"*THUMP*
"And WHY does Sailor Moon have about fifteen different attacks and
costumes while I only have TWO of EACH???"
Kunzite begins waving around a white flag desperately.
"And THIS is for all those bad Sailor Moon sites on the Internet..."
It seemed that the day was saved when suddenly...
"Drat!" exclaims Sailor Charon as she pops her head up and looks around
suspiciously. A swirly-eyed Pluto still smiles and clings to Sailor
Earth. "There's that 'when suddenly' again!"
... when suddenly the sound of snapping fingers echoes throughout the
quite-crowded-at-the-moment park.
"Like an over-aged star dropping out of sight in Hollywood..." says one
mysterious voice.
"Like a smear of butter dripping off your corncob and dribbling down
your chin-- does anyone else find that annoying?" continues another voice.
"Oh, you've *got* to be kidding!" Sailor Earth's groan is muffled underneath
all the women.
"Like a hot wind blowing through a desert-- we are the Moonlight-- err
we are the Sailor Starlights!" the final voice proclaims.
"HEY! THAT''S MY LINE! YOU STOLE MY LINE!!!" Sailor Earth leaps up and
down in fury. Several drained bodies wake up enough to whip out cameras and
take pictures of various bouncing and jiggling Sailors still clinging to him.
"Errr... muffin..." Sailor Moon's whip-lashing ponytails take out
several nearby trees and drooling fanboys. "Let them keep it! Let them
keep it!"
"Wheeee!" Sailor Pluto adds.
"No panty shots!" yells Mars.
"All your Mamoru belong to me." The spore glares and clings tighter.
"Err... *ahem*?" The three mysterious figures pause and clear their
throats. "Stage out!"
Kunzite looks up from the ground at the three androgynous people in
leather bondage outfits dramatically standing backlit by the sun. "ARGH!
I'm blind! Quick Neptune, hit me again! Oww!"
"You're a bit late, aren't you?" Neptune says dryly as she taps her
mirror against a wrist.
"Oh, don't tell me you whipped the baddies already." Sailor Starhealer
pouts as she smooths down a stray strand of silver hair "I was *so* looking
forward to Starmaker's attack."
"Oh, shut up. Everyone always makes fun of my attack." Sailor Starmaker
glares around at the congregated sailors, the light of the sun reflecting
off her forehead and blinding all unwary eyes.
"And you were ribbing me about *my* attack name." Saturn giggles and
pokes Jupiter and Venus in the ribs with her elbows.
"I heard that!"
"Odango atama!" Starfighter rushes forth ready to embrace the meatballheaded
one only to find her otherwise... occupied. "Holy &*%^*!!!" she says as she
gapes at the tangle of sailors in front of her. "What does he have that I
don't?"
"My own lines," Earth snaps back. "And all the proper equipment in the
proper places." Moon giggles maniacally at his words.
*cough cough* "Ahem, keep is G-rated" *cough cough* Sailor Charon says.
The millions of foo foo baddies hover bemusedly in the air, unsure of what
to do now that there master was down for the count. "Still it seems, the day
is saved when suddenly..." Charon continues.
"Err, Charon? What are you talking about?" Uranus asks.
"Uh, just narrating..." The white-haired senshi smiles widely as she
sweatdrops.
"What did you just *narrate*?!" Uranus eyebrows lower menacingly.
"Don't tell me this isn't over yet! It's been way over half an hour!"
Sailor Moon whines.
-- when suddenly a bright blue puff of cloud coalesces in the air above
the sailors and slides open into a doorway. A blur of blue falls out of the
gateway and lands daintily on the ground.
"Hiiiiiiii!!!" Fish Eye chirps as he waves wildly. "So *this* is where
you all went! Oh wow-- that's a %$$*-load of sailors!"
All over the park gateways zip, flip, whip, and slurp open as various
baddies of the series, season, and day make their grand entrances. There is
much waving of cloaks, baring of teeth & claws, and various villainous
posturing. The foo foo and bon bon baddies greet each other, shake hands,
and make a date for afternoon tea.
"Hey, you can't leave us alone like that! There's no one to scheme
against!" Wise Man sniffs.
"Oh wowza, oh wowza-- hey's where's Nephrite/Nephlyte?" says Sailor
Enceladus.
"We missed you guys!" says Sailor Iron Mouse. "Oh geez, were you at it
like bunnies or what?" she continues as she eyeballs all the new sailors.
"Oh, poor baby!" Zoicite croons as (s)he cradles the poor bopped head of
Kunzite in its lap. No one can look at Zoicite without their eyes
tearing up as the figure of the Dark Nega-verse Kingdom's general shifts
form.
"Gack!" yells Sailor Moon. "Evil overload! Evil overload!" The silver
crystal shoots out from her chest sending out rainbow beams of light. Sailor
Moon begins her majestical transformation into Serenity-- unfortunately she
was still holding unto Sailor Earth at the time. With a final delicate spin
and a flutter of a frilly white dress she sends Mars, Chibi Moon, Pluto, and
Earth careening halfway across the park into a new postal zone.
While the other three appear to be... errr... somewhat incapacitated by
their unexpected flight... Sailor Earth immediately pops up again and whips
out a pair of pom-poms from his newly aquired sailor inter-dimensional warp
pocket (tm). "Go baby, go! Naked Serenity transformation! Woo hoo!" he shouts
as he dances around. Alan, Prince Diamond, and Sailor Star Fighter quite agree
with him.
"Oh, that's it!" Neptune yells and then transforms into *her* princess
form. Uh, we'll call her Tranquility. Uranus proceeds to pull out her
own pom-poms and do her version of the 'go baby' dance. Many people join
in with her.
"Ooh! Let me take care of them!" Sailor Saturn leaps to the front and
whips out her silence glaive.
"As narrator, I feel it is my duty--" Sailor Charon says as she lifts
her Mobius Staff.
"I'll show you! STAAAAAAAR---"
"MOOOOOOOOOOON---"
"NEEEEEEEPTUUUUUUNE---"
"Ooh! Me me me!" Several fanfic senshi jostle for position.
"Wait--" Pluto calls weakly from where she landed. "Not...
"SIIIILENCE GLAAAAIVE---
"CHAAAAARON DAAAAARK---
"MAAAAAAARY SUUUUUUUE---
"COOOOOOSMIIIIIC---"
"OCEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN---
"-- all at once!"
"UUUUUUUTERUS!"
"SUUUURPRISE!"
"DESECRATION!"
"IIIIMPLOOOSION!"
"POOOOOOOWER!"
"HAAAAAARMOOOONY!"
"The various baddies exchange looks and calmly step out of the way of
the great throbbing maelstrom of dark & light power. The surge of power
skitters away, the very essence of reality warping around it, until with
a great "POP" the air ruptures, leaving a gap where many surprised squinchy-
eyed,
droopy-haired people peer in.
"Ugh what-- who-- are they?" says Venus.
"Oh boy," says Artemis.
Pluto drags herself across the ground towards the hole in the air. "Oh,
now you've done it-- now you've done it! You've broken the fourth wall!
Charon! Stop mumbling to yourself and help me!"
Sailor Charon stops narrating the story long enough to help Pluto
unscrew the Garnet Orb from atop the Time Staff and replace it with a big-@$$
paintbrush top. Pluto swipes at the hole in the space-time continuum (the same
thing would happen if the sailors transformed out of order) and the normal
scenery of burnt trees, crisped park, drained bodies, and hundreds of sailors
and baddies fades back in.
"See what happens?" Serenity sniffs. "*I'm* supposed to save the day! No
one else!"
"So much power... ripped apart the very threads of reality!" Pluto leans
against her staff and glares at the sheepish sailors around her. "Didn't
you learn your lesson the *first* time with the foo foo baddies?"
"Biiida," says Sailor Charon. It looks like the Pluto & Charon are in
for a duel of oversized staffs when red lights flash and sirens go off around
the park.
"Ack! I swear I didn't steal that pie!" Emeraude yells.
"Not the child protection people?!" Sailor Earth is aghast. His words
bring a flurry of terror amongst the various creatures in the park for various
reasons.
"Worst then that." Pluto sighs wearily. "You breached the fourth wall.
You brought attention down upon us. It's--" And then the millenia old
warrior's voice mutates into that of a young pre-teen girl.
"Ha ha! What happened, Pluto?" Uranus grins.
"Oh, be quiet-- *Amara*!" The uber-young voice of Pluto snaps back as a
greater darkness looms over all.
Heroes and villains alike clutch at their heads as the background mists away
and the world fades in and out of focus.
"What-- what is happening?" Serenity asks and a piggish squeal comes out
of her throat. "Ack!"
"What happened to your voice?" asks Venus and then clutches at her own
throat.
And then as one, everyone turns to Neptune and Uranus and points.
"Ewwww!"
"Uh, they never said what degree cousins we were!" Uranus sweatdrops.
"Momma?" Serenity looks curiously at Neptune.
"Let's not even go there."
"You know, cousins can marry in Japan!"
"You aren't helping, Haruka."
"Oh, Mamo-chan!" Serenity turns to her one true love as tears brim, yet
again, in her eyes. "I don't sound human any more!"
"That's okay, I still love you!" Sailor Earth assures her as he looks
around for a gag.
"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm still Hotaru!" Saturn skips around the elder sailors
until she "accidentally" trips over Pluto's Time Staff.
"Oh this is horrible!" Jupiter exclaims. "I feel like Supreme Jupiter
Sparkling Thunder Wide Pressuring someone!"
"HA HA!" Sailor Starmaker points at Jupiter. "*Now* who has a stupid
name?"
And then Jupiter does.
While everyone is in an uproar with members of the four earlier seasons
beating up the Stars characters on general principle, a final dark gateway
opens up and one last figure enters the park.
"Hey!" says Nephlyte. "What did I miss?"
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"Oh, that's done it!" Pluto yells as the earth quakes and the sky
splinters apart in crashes of light. She grabs hold of several of the male
senshi of the moons to help maintain her balance.
"Uh, sure, to help maintain your balance." Charon says as she maintains
*her* balance using her staff.
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"Not to be repetitive but--- what the ^$^$ is going on?" Mercury asks as
a piece of the sky falls and shatters at her feet.
"Too many plot holes! Too many breaks in reality! The fanfic's going to
blow! We gotta get outta here!" Charon yells back.
"Get *out* of here? Out of the fanfic?" A groggy (and grumpy) Mars asks
as she finally recovers from her Serenity-paid vacation to La La Land.
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"What in the world is going on?" you ask. Everyone turns to gape at you.
"Oh great, it's the *reader*, that's just lovely!" Pluto exclaims as she
points to you.
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"There's only one place that we all-- original, dub, fanfic-- can
escape! The Earth Prince's Kingdom! Onward ho!" Pluto closes her eyes and
waves her staff. A sliver of silver opens into a gateway.
"Where?" Several characters shout. Considering that the world was
crumbling away beneath their feet as they spoke, they decide that this can
be discussed later.
"Is there enough time?" Mercury yells as bits of the background scenery
fragment into itty bitty pieces of nothingness.
The kitchen sink falls out of the sky and lands with a 'splat' in front of you.
"Don't look back-- just *go*!"
You are carried away through the gateway as a stream of characters
plunges through. The very fabric of this fanfic universe is torn asunder
while-- while-- while the narrator stands here stupidly narrating!
Sailor Charon dives for the gateway.
The Earth Prince's Kingdom
http://www.geocities.com/EPK.html
~*END*~
Oh dear, it seems we left Sailor Chibi Moon behind.
If you want further episodes of insanity-- well, too bad, I stopped
eatingthe paint chips from the wall several years ago. ;) Otherwise e-mail
your comments, praises, criticisms--no flames please... I'm not Sailor Mars
after all! Although I AM pretty good with this Mobius Staff-- to
princeendymion@earthling.net.