Title: While His Lover Sleeps
Author: Cleo Calliope
E-mail: Angelos_Girl@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13?
Keywords: Angst
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Angel/?
Summary: Angel muses over his lover.
Feedback: Do I really have to beg? PLEASE!
Note: This is my first ever fanfic. Please go easy on me.
Distribution: My site (http://www.envy.nu/byersgirl/) and
anyone else who wants it as long as you ask me first, so I know
where it's going.
Disclaimer: Joss, you are the devil, but I still promise to put them
back where I found them when I'm done.
Dedication: Special thanks to Lyric Locke for beta reading and
for liking it enough to give me the confidence to post it. Thank
you.
Angel lay propped up on one elbow as he silently contemplated the figure beside him. He watched the rise and fall of the chest and the flicker of the eyelids as the sleeper lay caught in some dream. A crease formed as the eyebrows drew together in concern and a soft whimper escaped the lips.
Angel brushed his fingers lightly across the brow and his lover quieted, the crease disappearing. What are you dreaming about? He wondered. The beloved face showed only clam now. He hoped that the dreams had shifted for the better. He dreaded the nights when the past crept up to color his love's dreams with death and the suffering that they had both endured. It was an agony for him to see his beloved in pain.
After that one brief touch Angel found that he couldn't take his hand away again. He traced the contours of his lover's face, taking this opportunity to memorize yet again the features he knew so well. Now, lost in sleep, the care and strain of the waking world had bled away, leaving peace and the shades of a lost innocence in their wake.
So beautiful, he thought as his fingers trailed lightly down his lover's throat. Why do you choose to stay with me? You could have so much better. Why do you trust me like this? Me. A killer. A monster. I try to make amends, to atone for what I have done, but the killer is still in here. I can remember the sweet taste of innocent blood, remember what it is to kill… Angel stopped this train of thought.
He lay his palm lightly on this lover's breast and felt the steady heart beat. He allowed the rhythm to calm him, and the dark thoughts of only moments before seemed to evaporate like mist.
Angel knew that they were only waiting. That when he least expected it, when his guard was down, and when his beloved was not by his side to drive them away, the thoughts would return. They world come flooding in and he would drown in the dark despair that had ruled his life for so long. But for now, at least, he was safe from the memories that had nearly driven him insane in the past.
He often felt that they would one day claim him. This peaceful reprieve couldn't last forever, and despite what he had been told, he didn't really believe that he would be granted redemption. As a mortal he had been raised a strict Catholic. Though he was lapsed, to say the least, he still believed much of the old teachings. He had committed far too many deadly sins to ever be worthy of heaven.
Of course, I'm not worthy of this either, he thought with a sad smile as he brushed a locke of hair from his lover's brow. Besides, what had those stuffy priests of his human days known anyway? They would have said that this was a sin as well, touching his love, loosing himself in this sweet passion. But all he had to do was look into his beloved's eyes and see the warmth and love there to know that there was no sin in this. If redemption was to be found anywhere it would be in his love's arms. Here was the only heaven he felt he would ever know. It was more than he deserved, but nothing could ever make him give it up.
His lover stirred and beautiful eyes opened to gaze sleepily up at him. "Angel?" His lover said drowsily. "Somethin' wrong?"
Angel smiled. "No, nothing." How could anything be wrong when I'm laying next to you? He thought.
"Wha'cha doin' awake?" Still half asleep, his love's words were thick, but the eyes that Angel could gaze into forever were becoming more focused as the haze of dreams began to lift.
"I don't know. Sorry, if I woke you."
A smile greeted this, full of warmth, love, and something more. "Don't worry 'bout it." They watched each other for a moment. Lost in one another's eyes, in the comfort of closeness. Then Angel leaned down and captured his lover's lips. The kiss was soft and gentle at first, then progressively hungrier as the ever-present desire between them burst again into life and they lost themselves in passion.
Angel thought no more that night. And only knew peace as he finally found rest wrapped securely in his lover's embrace.
The End