AT LONG LAST - WE HOPE
SCENE: Niles' apartment. The living room. NILES is dressed in
a dark blue shirt and white tie, with suspenders and darker blue pants.
He is fussing around, placing candles on the sideboard, lighting them. Straightens pillows on the fainting couch, lines up knickknacks, etc.
FRASIER, wearing jeans and a brown sweatshirt, is tending to a
champagne setup.
[MARTIN enters from the kitchen with a can of beer]
MARTIN: Say, Fras, Roz has been gone a long time. What time
did you say Daphne's plane got in? [Crosses to a chair and sits]
FRASIER: Four-thirty, Dad, but you know the airlines.
NILES: It was so good of Roz to offer to pick her up. I would have,
but I didn't want our first greeting to be in public.
[Sighs] I do so want this to be special.
FRASIER: Oh, I know how much you've missed her, Niles.
The fact that I've been bumping into you every time I've turned around
for months now somehow gave it away.
NILES: I know I've been a pest, Frasier . . .
FRASIER: No, not a pest. More like a shawl draped around my shoulders.
NILES: It's just been so lonely these past few months. It seemed like
Daphne and I had just gotten together when she fled off to that spa.
MARTIN: Face it, Niles, it's known as a "fat farm". She just wanted
to get rid of all that weight she gained, to make herself more attractive
for you.
NILES: Well, I don't know why, I didn't see any difference in her.
However. . thinking back, the last few times I hugged her I could have
sworn that my arms were growing shorter!
FRASIER: Well, I know love is blind, Niles, but the rest of us saw it. Eventually, so did she. Then there was that evening when she had that
drenching cry on my shoulder. That suit will never be the same.
NILES: It was good of you to fund her stay at the spa, Frasier.
FRASIER: Well, I knew she could never ask you. I just told her to
think of it as a sort for bonus, for years of loyal service,
massaging Dad's ass and all.
[NILES looks alarmed, MARTIN laughs. The doorbell rings]
NILES: [Panicky] Oh, my God! They're here!
FRASIER: [Grabbing NILES by the shoulders] Now, calm down, Niles.
You don't want her to see you all sweaty and hyperventilating.
NILES: I'm OK. I'm fine. I'm, um, would you get that?
FRASIER:[Smiling at NILES] Sure. [Gives his brother's shoulder a pat
and goes to the door. MARTIN and NILES follow]
[As FRASIER opens the door, ROZ enters, carrying a suitcase,
followed by the now slim DAPHNE who is wearing a tight fitting top
and her standard Capri slacks. She carries another bag.
Both are laughing]
ROZ: Man, Daphne, I still can't believe it! Of all things,
to be afraid of THAT! [They put the luggage down]
[DAPHNE sees FRASIER first, and they hug. NILES hangs back]
FRASIER: Well, welcome home, Daph. [Stepping back] Wow, you look great!
MARTIN: Yeah, looks like we have our old Daphne back.
DAPHNE: Hello, Dr. Crane, Mr. Crane. Thank you.
[Then seeing NILES, who is entranced] Hey, Niles!
[NILES rushes to her and envelops her in a bear hug. The others smile]
NILES: [After a beat, pulling back to look at her]
I couldn't wait for you to get here! God, you look . . .beautiful.
I . . .I really missed you.
DAPHNE: I missed you, too.
[Awkward pause, then a flurry of all ushering her into the room,
saying "come in and sit down", "how was your flight", etc.
FRASIER pops the cork on the champagne, pours glasses for everyone.
They all sit]
DAPHNE: [Having been ushered to the fainting couch, where NILES
sits beside her, looking lovesick] Goodness, I feel so out of touch,
being gone so long. Have you been keeping up with your exercises,
Mr. Crane?
MARTIN: Well, more or less. You know . . .
DAPHNE: Well, I hope more than less.
FRASIER: [Handing around glasses] Well, now. Might I propose a toast?
To the beloved and now smaller Miss Moon and her return to the Crane fold!
[All raise glasses, a mixture of "right", "here, here", etc.]
FRASIER: Well, Daphne, how was it at the spa? It obviously did the trick.
DAPHNE: Well, first, let me thank you for it, Dr. Crane.
It was no lark, but I did get rid of my girth. As for the rest
of my problem, well, [with a look toward ROZ, who is snickering]
I think it helped. I'll have to see.
NILES: [Taking her hand] The rest of your problem?
DAPHNE: I'll explain later.
ROZ: Don't worry, she will.
FRASIER:[Getting up, as do the others] Well, now, we'd best be off and
let these two get reacquainted. Niles has prepared a lovely dinner
for you, Daphne, even light on the calories. We'll see you at home . . .
whenever you decide to return.
DAPHNE: Thank you so much, Dr. Crane. Goodnight, all of you.
[DAPHNE and NILES see them to the door]
FRASIER: Goodnight.
NILES: Goodnight, Frasier, and thank you all for your help.
[They exit and he closes the door. He turns to DAPHNE.
They just look at each other for a beat]
NILES: I can't believe you're finally here! It seemed like an eternity.
Here, sit down. [Leads her back to the couch, they sit,
he puts his arm around her. She leans her head on his shoulder]
DAPHNE: It seemed that way to me, too. But it was a great experience,
in a way. I didn't just slim back down, I learned a lot about myself.
And . . .about us.
NILES:[Looking at her] Oh, no. You didn't decide that we were
not meant to be, after all, or . . . or . . .
DAPHNE: Oh, hush up, Niles, of course not! Would I be here if
that were true?
NILES: Well, yeah, I guess . . . By the way, what were you and Roz
laughing about when you came in?
DAPHNE: My . . .problem. I knew she'd get a kick out of it. But I . . .
NILES: Daphne, could you please tell me what we are talking about?
DAPHNE: I'm sorry. Of course. It's just that it's a bit sensitive, and
NILES: Oh, God, you have decided that we're a mistake . . .
DAPHNE: [Sitting forward] Niles, what is this paranoia of yours?
For the last time, I love you. I always will. We're not a mistake.
OK? Let me finish!
NILES: OK. OK.
DAPHNE: There was a really good psychiatrist there, a woman,
and we hit it off. She determined why I gained the weight, and . . .
I came to understand it.
NILES: And?
DAPHNE: I found out that I was, um, . . . afraid of . . . sex.
Rather, sex with . . making love with . . .with you.
NILES: Excuse me?
DAPHNE: Niles, . . .haven't you noticed during our whole time together,
I've been acting, well, fond of you, but . . . kind of aloof?
I would dismiss you, or change the subject when you tried to kiss me
or get close to me.
NILES: [Looking back] Well . . .come to think of it, I did.
I guess that's why I thought you might be having second thoughts
about me . . .about . . .us.
DAPHNE: Reason enough, I guess. I'm so sorry.
NILES: Daphne, I don't get it. I'm hardly the threatening type.
How could you be afraid of me?
DAPHNE: Well, it became clear to me during my sessions there.
You must realize that, in the months before we got together,
I had started thinking about you more and more as . . .a possible lover,
I guess, but . . . I had been with . . . Donny. And he's not exactly . .
well, I mean, you're so . . and he was . . .
[Suddenly nervous, getting up and pacing] I know I'm not explaining this
very well, but . . .[Turning to face him]
well, the idea of making love with you scared the crap out of me!
NILES: [Laughing softly, gets up and crosses to her] You can't be serious!
DAPHNE: It's not funny!
NILES: [Putting his arms around her] No, honey, I'm sorry, it's not.
But we love each other so much, what could be scary about showing it?
DAPHNE: [Putting her head on his shoulder] Oh, God, Niles, think about it. You've had years to consider me that way, and . . . I only got on board recently. I was concerned that . . .that . . I might not . . .
[Now looking him in the eye]live up to your . . expectations.
NILES: [Stroking her hair] Oh, Daphne, my love. I have no expectations,
only that I long for you, and for us to be together and express our love
for each other. However that goes, it will be perfect, I assure you.
We're magic together! [She smiles] Now. Do you think that they . .
cured you?
DAPHNE: I can't be positive, but . . . [looking intently into his eyes]
I think so. Why don't you try me and see?
[NILES leans in and kisses her, tentatively at first. She wraps her arms
around his neck and deepens it, letting herself go. After a long moment,
he pulls gently away]
NILES: Ahhh! They do great work at that place.
[She initiates another long, deep kiss, then breaks it and
smiles at him sexily] Does this mean I'm not driving you home tonight?
DAPHNE: Not if you don't want to?
NILES: [Forehead against hers] You know the answer to that.
DAPHNE: Niles?
NILES: [Breathless] Yes?
DAPHNE: I'm starved.
NILES: [Dreamily] Me, too.
DAPHNE: No, I mean, I am, for that, too, but . . .might
we have some dinner first?
NILES: [Coming out of his daze] Oh . . .oh, yes, of course!
It's all ready, I've kept it warm. I guess you still eat, don't you?
DAPHNE: Only enough for fuel. For energy. For . . .later.
NILES: [Arm around her waist, leading her toward the kitchen] Ahhh.
You know, I believe that I . . . no, we . . .owe a lot to that
psychiatrist of yours.
[DAPHNE laughs as they exit through the kitchen door]
END SCENE
[Credits. The spa psychiatrist's office. She is at her desk.
A secretary enters, staggering under the weight of a huge flower
arrangement, hoists it on the desk, and exits, exhausted.
The doctor looks at the card. Over her shoulder, we can see that it says
"With most heartfelt thanks, Niles Crane" She looks confused
for a moment, then smiles and shakes her head, laughing]