Title

Title: The Truth of the Matter

Author: Hilary & Heidi

E-mail: ImmortalBeloved2000@yahoo.co.uk and angelus0@hotmail.com

Rating: PG

Pairings: B/R, B/S

Spoilers: General Season 5 post Out Of My Mind

Summary: When Spike's chip threatens his life Buffy and the gang must make a difficult decision

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters. It all belongs to Joss and co.

Feedback: YES PLEASE!!!!

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Dusk was just settling over Sunnydale as Spike awoke from what hadn't been the best day's sleep he'd ever had. Sitting up he put his hand to his head and winced. The headaches were getting worse; they were even stopping him from sleeping now. Still, he'd probably feel better once he'd eaten. It was time to hit the shops.

Shrugging into his duster he left his crypt and headed through the cemetery towards town. Part of him considered talking a detour past Buffy's house, maybe he would catch a glimpse of her, but he was too hungry and in too much pain. He'd walk by a bit later. Spike was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear his attackers approaching from behind

"Look who it is." Sneered one of the vampires, who had an ugly scar running down from eyebrow to jowl of his right cheek. "It's the vampire who likes to help the Slayer."

Spike sighed and turned around. He really wasn't in the mood to fight but from the looks of it he wasn't going to have much of a choice in the matter. There were four of them. Nothing he hadn't handled before, he thought to himself.

"Let's just get this over with," He said raising his fists. Then they were on him, all four at once, knocking him to the ground. Spike managed to kick two of them away and pushed the other two off. He jumped to his feet and winced as another jolt of pain ran through his head. The one second distraction was all the scar-face needed as he dealt Spike a powerful punch, knocking him to the floor again. Spike pulled out a stake, which he carried around with him for moments like this. As one of the vampires tried to jump on him Spike raised the stake and the vamp was dust. He climbed to his feet a little more slowly this time. His limbs just weren't responding the way they normally did. He managed to dust another vampire narrowing the odds to two against one but as he prepared to dust a third the stake was kicked from his hand and he found himself on the floor for the third time. Scar-face picked up the stake Spike had dropped and moved in for the kill

"You have no idea how much I'm going to enjoy this."

Spike braced himself for the death that he'd hoped would have come at the hands of a Slayer. There was no glory in this, only the shame that he'd been unable to defend himself. When he didn't feel the wood enter his chest he looked up and saw Buffy looking down at him, stake in hand. Bloody marvellous, he thought as he climbed to his feet.

"A little off your game tonight aren't you Spike?"

"Sod off," he snapped. He was getting another headache and despite the fact that Buffy had saved his life and that he was gladder to see her than he usually was, at the moment he just wanted to go home and cut his own head off.

"That's no way to talk to someone who just saved your ass," replied Buffy with mock hurt in her eyes.

"Listen Slayer, as much as I love our traditional verbal banter, I'm not in the mood tonight and I would be insanely happy if you just pissed off and left me alone!"

Without waiting for a response Spike left in the direction of the butchers. As he walked he couldn't believe that he'd just walked away from Buffy. Normally he took up any opportunity he could to see her and he'd just left her standing there. What the hell is wrong with me? He mentally kicked himself.

Buffy stared after Spike, a look of confusion on her face. There was something not quite right about the way Spike was acting, she couldn't put her finger on what it was though. She shrugged, Spike's problems were his own.

She turned to continue in the direction of the coffee shop where she had promised to meet Riley. As she started to walk, she heard a loud thump and Spike's voice wafting out of the alley he had travelled into after the confrontation. "Oh! My! Bloody! Head!"

Thinking that she was going to regret this, Buffy sighed and ran to the alley. When she reached the entrance, she saw Spike lying prone on the greasy concrete. He was holding his head and moaning softly. She walked over and crouched beside him.

"Spike?"

When she got no response, she smacked him across the face.

"Spike!"

She moved him so that he was sitting up and leaning against the alley wall. She slapped him again and this time a huge grin formed across his face. Buffy's face wrinkled in revulsion as she heaved him to his feet. He wiped the back alley findings off his duster, gave her a mock salute and was gone before she could ask him what was wrong.

Buffy shook her head. She mused as she continued on her way to the coffee shop. Spike was such a mystery to her. She was almost glad that he had the microchip in his head. Knowing that he couldn't hurt her had done wonders for getting to know him. Funny how he could almost be a nice person underneath his sarcasm and death threats.

Buffy opened the door to the café and saw Riley sitting at their usual table. She didn't miss his too casual glance at his watch, and her smile dampened a little.

"Hi there," she said as she turned her head to brush her lips against his cheek rather than his mouth. She sat down, picked up the menu and began to look for anything besides her usual. The menu was pulled down and Riley's face replaced the selection of ice cream desserts.

His statement was so earnest that she began to feel badly for brushing him off slightly, just now. Her face softened and he smiled back at her and took her hand. "So, where are we patrolling tonight?"

She took her hand back from his and she scolded him as if she was talking to a child. "Riley, we've been through this before. I don't want you coming on patrols with me. You're still recovering and you might get killed."

"Ok, ok cease fire," he held up his hands in mock surrender, "There's no way I'm letting you patrol alone. But we can talk about that later." Buffy looked at him warily as he continued. "What happened to you? I was waiting for you for over twenty minutes."

Buffy rolled her eyes and blew out a breath of air in frustration. Of course he had to have gotten to the shop early. "I was with my other boyfriend, didn't you know? Time just got away from us and I had to say 'ta-ta' and scuttle off to meet you here," she finished sarcastically.

"Buffy," he said to her. The disappointment on his face was too much for her to bear, so she sighed again.

"I ran across some vampires that were picking on Spike. I dusted them, but I think there's something wrong with him."

Riley gave her a look which read 'What isn't wrong with Spike?'

"No, that's not it. Before I got there, I watched him fight the first couple of vamps and he couldn't handle it, that's why I had to help. Then we argued like we always do. He walked off and passed out. He tired to act like nothing was wrong but I've never seen him like this before."

Riley frowned as she spoke. Bad enough she was letting Spike live, she was helping him to do so and was worried about him.

Oblivious to his frown Buffy continued, "I might go and check up on him before we go home, just to make sure he's okay."

Now Riley looked exasperated. Unable to contain himself he spoke up.

"Buffy, I know you don't want to kill Spike now that he's helpless but I think you're forgetting that he's still a vampire and you're the Slayer. If there's anything wrong with him I'm sure he'll figure out a way to sort it out himself. You weren't called to coddle neutered vampires."

Deep down Buffy knew that he was right. It was weird but she did feel concerned for Spike even though, as Riley had pointed out, he was a vampire. The problem was that Spike had been a part of her life for too long now, she couldn't help but care. She didn't consider him to be a friend but at the same time he wasn't an enemy either.

"Riley, don't get me wrong. I'm not setting up the Spike fan club or anything, it's just that he's helped me out before and I figure that I owe him one."

"Yeah, he's also tried to kill you before." Grumbled Riley

Seeing that this argument was going nowhere Buffy tactfully decided to change the subject. Sighing loudly she scanned the menu

"I'm starving. How about you?"

Observing the conversation change Riley decided to go along with it. They were never going to agree about Spike so it was probably best to just drop the subject. He took her hand and squeezed it gently.

"Yeah, me too. Let's order."

Meanwhile, Spike continued to make his way to the butcher's, still feeling a little woozy from the earlier attack. He couldn't believe that he'd collapsed in front of Buffy and that she'd seen how he'd been unable to fend off the last two vampires. Now not only did she see him as a harmless vampire, but a weak one too. Physical weakness was not something Spike would ever have imagined associating with himself, but if he was honest, it was how he felt. I'll be alright once I get some blood in me, he told himself. This was what he always said but now he wasn't so sure. He was beginning to think that there might actually be something wrong with him. He decided that if he didn't feel any better the next night that he would pay Giles a little visit. Since vampires didn't get ill it must be a spell of some sorts. With that final thought Spike bought a couple of pints of blood and headed back to his crypt.

As Riley walked her home, Buffy couldn't help but notice how guarded their conversation had been all night. They had spent the evening speaking about inane and completely neutral things. School, sports, television. Now, as they walked home neither was offering any speech. Buffy knew that Riley knew that after he dropped her off at home, she would be going out on patrol. She appreciated that he hadn't asked again about patrol tonight, though she knew that he wanted to. She decided to avoid the topic altogether and head inside as quickly as possible.

As they reached her front door, Buffy's pace had sped up and before they both knew it, Buffy was already halfway in the front door. Riley stopped her and held her by the shoulders. She turned around and gave him a tired glare.

"Hey," he whispered to her softly. "Be careful tonight?"

She nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. She closed the door behind her without giving Riley a chance to say anything more.

Buffy stood with her back to the inside of her front door. She peeked out of the curtain to see Riley's form retreating from her front steps, crossing the street and heading in the direction of his home rather than the cemeteries. She breathed a sigh of relief and headed up the stairs to change clothes and gather her patrol supplies.

Riley turned the corner as he walked and doubled back to see if he could follow Buffy. He stopped at the yard that was three houses down from hers and sat behind a parked car and waited.

He saw her emerge from her home wearing a skimpy tank top with the jeans she had on before topped with a short leather jacket. He remembered when he was in the Initiative the protective gear that everyone was required to wear. Even with all that, people had been injured or even killed in incidents that barely left a scratch on Buffy.

She moved quickly in the direction of the cemeteries and he followed from a safe distance. She turned around once as she entered the gates of Sunnydale's largest cemetery and he had no place to hide. He dropped to the ground and lay flat as he watched her scan around. Their eyes connected, for just a second, but maybe he was imagining it, because she entered the gates without giving him a second look. Riley counted to ten and slipped through the gate before it could slam shut behind her.

Buffy stalked her way through the cemetery in a seemingly random pattern. She rarely came to this cemetery anymore, but there seemed to be no apparent vampire activity. Her feet moved and she followed where they carried her. The whole way here, she felt as though someone was following her. She thought she had seen something as she was entering the graveyard, but shrugged it off as she hadn't seen anything at all. Her feet stopped and she found herself at the door of Spike's crypt. Smiling wryly, she knocked on door instead of kicking it in as she always did.

Spike lay on his bed with his eyes closed. This was the worst headache he'd had yet. It felt like someone was banging inside his brain. He pried his eyes open and realised that the banging was actually coming from his front door. He sat up and sighed. Who the hell would be knocking on his door, most people or demons tended to just kick it in. He got up and pulled some clothes on before opening it. He stared in surprise. It was Buffy.

"What the hell do you want?" he grunted.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay." Buffy replied, suddenly feeling really stupid and wondering why she was here. She didn't even know why she was worried and now she wanted nothing more than to get as far away as possible

Spike sighed and stood to one side motioning for her to come in. Riley frowned as he saw Buffy walk into Spike's crypt and the door shut behind her. Something was going on and he didn't like it. Spike couldn't be trusted.

Spike sat down on the end of his bed and watched wearily as Buffy sat down on one of his chairs. He wasn't entirely sure why she'd come here tonight. It was true that he'd seen the briefest flicker of concern on her face when he'd collapsed earlier on, but that concern had quickly turned into revulsion. He knew exactly what she thought of him, she hated him, and why shouldn't she? What was he? Nothing but a pathetic, harmless vampire who had once been a worthy adversary and was now useless.

"So," Buffy began. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Blunt and to the point, that was the Slayer through and through. Spike wondered if she would believe him if he said nothing was wrong, probably not. He hated the idea of her knowing something was wrong with him, it made him seem even weaker than she no doubt thought he was already. Still, if lies weren't going to work then he'd have to tell her. Maybe it couldn't get any worse, she probably couldn't think any less of him than she did now anyway.

"I don't know." That wasn't a lie. "I've been getting these headaches, and dizzy spells. Makes me feel weak, I can't fight. I think someone's working some sort of magic on me, someone maybe wants me out of the way. I was going to go over and see Giles tomorrow and see if he could tell me what it is."

Buffy sat in silence for a moment, she'd guessed it might be something like that, but she hadn't realised quite how serious it was. Just looking at him she could tell it was bad, he looked tired, and if it was possible, paler than normal. If it was true that this spell was making him weak, then he'd be unable to defend himself. She stood up.

"Come on."

Spike looked at her, his face a mixture of confusion and surprise.

"What?"

"You can't stay here tonight. If some demon decides to pop in for a visit, you're as good as dead. We'll go and see Giles now and you can stay with him until we figure out a way to get this spell reversed."

Spike continued to stare at her, she had that concerned look again, but he knew it was more pity than concern.

"What do you care if some demon bumps me off?" He asked, turning from her, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Buffy was about to answer when Spike suddenly clutched his head and slid off the end of the bed onto the floor.

"Spike? What is it?"

This was the most intense pain that Spike had ever experienced in his whole unlife. It hurt worse than it had when Drusilla had killed him, it felt like someone was driving white hot pokers into his brain. He was aware of someone screaming but was in too much pain to realise that the scream was his own. The pain and the scream finally ceased as blissful unconsciousness swept over him.

Hearing a scream coming from the crypt Riley ran over and burst through the door, forgetting that Buffy thought he was at home. As he ran in he saw her staring dumbly at the prone form of an unconscious Spike.

"Buffy? Wow, what did you do to him?"

Buffy turned slowly to face him, disbelief and shock in her eyes.

"You think I did this? There's something really wrong with him, he was in so much pain and then he just collapsed. Come on, we've got to take him to Giles.'" Buffy picked up Spike's arms and motioned for Riley to get his legs. Together they managed to carry him to Giles', although it wasn't easy.

Without bothering to knock, the two burst through the door causing Giles to jump up from the chair where he'd been quietly reading. Buffy and Riley carried Spike over to the couch and laid him down on it, gasping from the effort of carrying him all that way. Giles looked at Spike and then back at Buffy and Riley.

"Good Lord. What happened?"

Riley collapsed into a chair, breathing deeply. He didn't have the strength of the Slayer to help him so carrying half of Spike's weight had been twice as difficult as it had been for her. Meanwhile Buffy was explaining what had happened

"He was complaining of dizziness, weakness and headaches. He thought it might be a spell of some sort."

"It's not a spell." Said Riley softly. Buffy and Giles turned to face him. "He's dying."

It took Buffy a moment to register what Riley had said.

"What?" It came out as almost a whisper. Spike couldn't be dying, he was already dead.

"The implant." Riley continued. "It was never designed for long term use. It was put into all hostiles in case they escaped, to stop them hurting people. Before Spike, no one had ever escaped. We had airtight security. Anyway, the implant was programmed so that if anything escaped the Initiative and was not recaptured that the implant would eventually destroy them. It's slowly killing his brain cells, eventually his body will just cease to function and that will be the end of it."

Buffy looked at him in disbelief, with her hand to her mouth in shock. She turned to where Spike was lying peacefully. Spike couldn't die. He was her…well…not exactly a friend, but she couldn't let him die either. But, if the chip was removed, then he would be capable of anything.

She looked at Giles and the same statements were reflected on her Watcher's face. He had come to tolerate Spike in the time when he had stayed with him. More than anything, he welcomed the help that he gave from time to time.

"What will we do?" she asked, emotion clogging her voice.

Riley stood up sharply. "What will we do? What will we do? Nothing, Buffy, he's a vampire. Nothing but a heartless killer. Let him die, its what he deserves!"

Buffy stood to face Riley as he had begun his tirade, and as he finished she swung a small, but powerful open hand at his face and connected. As the smack resounded, Buffy spoke quietly. "Who are you to decide who will live and who will die? Spike has helped me and you so many times since this chip was implanted. He could have let us die, but he chose to help. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Riley was silent as she finished. "I didn't think so. Get out, Riley."

Riley looked at her, stunned. "B-Buffy, you can't mean -"

"I mean it Riley, get out. I'll call you in the morning."

Still in disbelief, Riley exited through the front door. He kept looking back to see if Buffy would change her mind, but her statement didn't change. When he looked back the last time, Buffy was kneeling down beside Spike and Giles was closing the door.

As Giles closed the door, Buffy sat on the edge of the couch next to Spike's torso. She smoothed back his shock of platinum blonde hair and looked up at her Watcher.

"Giles, we can't let him die."

Giles stood behind the couch and removed his glasses and began to clean them. It was a gesture she was used to. He only did it when he was nervous. "Buffy. I'm sure you are aware of the consequences if the chip is removed. He will become a killer again. You and I both know it. And that is only if the chip can be removed. Didn't you say that the Initiative doctor wasn't even able to do it?"

Buffy nodded miserably as she watched pain etch across Spike's face. The chip was hurting him again. She guessed he was lucky that he was unconscious for it this time. She thought about all that she and Spike had shared in the time that she knew him. They had been allies against Angelus, and many times after that. He had been her friend. Yes, friend. She laughed without humour to herself. She was already thinking of him as if he was dead.

"There must be something we can do, Giles."

"I really don't know what we can do, Buffy. Go home, get some sleep and we can talk this over in the morning."

Buffy shook her head. "I'm staying right here."

With that, she sat herself down in the plush chair across from the couch and continued to watch Spike who remained unconscious.

Giles stared at her with concern, but when she refused to look at anything besides Spike, he shrugged his shoulders and sat down at his desk to continue what he was reading before Buffy and Riley had burst in.

As Buffy woke, she shielded her eyes from the triangle of sun that was streaming through the window and onto her face. She glanced over to the couch to make sure that Spike was still there. He wasn't. She flew to the couch and patted it. As the clouds of dust puffed up to sting her eyes, she knew that it was too late for her to save him.

As she sat and stared at the couch glumly, a hand came down on her shoulder. "What's the matter, love? I thought you'd be overjoyed at my passing."

Buffy turned to see that it was indeed Spike, staring down at her with a gentle look in his eyes. She jumped up, threw her arms around him and almost knocked the mugful of pig's blood that he held out of his hands. She pulled away, but still he held her. The look on his face was unreadable, but he looked a little bit better than he did last night. She was sure that he was going to say something that would make her want to hit him. She grinned at him, put a finger to his lips and said teasingly, "Shut up, Spike."

"Buffy! What are you doing?" Riley ran in the door shouting.

"Riley! Haven't you ever heard of knocking? It works you know." Buffy whirled and said to him, her voice as hard as nails. Without turning, she continued in the same tone, "Spike, go to the kitchen, I have to talk to Riley alone."

Spike looked at her like he was going to protest. Finally, he moved off to Giles' kitchen. It wasn't as if he couldn't hear the argument from there anyway.

Satisfied that they were partially alone, Buffy began. She knew that Spike could hear the conversation, she just wanted to do it without having to look at him make silly faces behind Riley's back or listening to his cheers as they argued. "Why were you following me last night?"

Riley looked at her desperately. He really wanted to ask her why she was in Spike's arms. He decided against it, sensing her mood and said, "Buffy, you know I worry about you. I can't stand the idea of you patrolling alone."

She sighed and looked away. This was the same argument they had been having since he'd had the surgery to fix his heart.

"And you know that I don't want anything to happen to you because you're with me." She looked up at him and continued, "This isn't something that we can agree to disagree on Riley. I don't know what I would do if you got killed because I couldn't defend you."

That much was true. But, Buffy couldn't help but wonder what her life would be like without Riley. No, she didn't want him dead, but, lately, she was beginning to feel smothered by him. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of glass breaking in the kitchen.

"Spike." She whispered.

All thoughts of her and Riley were abandoned as she threw the open the door to the kitchen. She saw Spike twitching where he had fallen and spattered blood that Buffy was sure wasn't only pig's blood.

She quickly knelt at his side, he'd fallen on top of the shattered mug and was now bleeding from several cuts on his arms and face.

"Spike," She whispered gently. "Can you hear me?"

A small moan was the only response. Seeing him like this only heightened her resolve to help him, if he became what he was before then she'd just have to deal with it. She'd fought Angelus, she could easily take down Spike if she had to. Looking up at Riley who was stood in the doorway she motioned for him to help her and together they carried Spike back to the couch. Deja vu. Buffy went back into the kitchen and pulled a first aid kit out of one of the cupboards before sitting at Spike's side. His shirt was drenched with the blood from the mug that he'd fallen in. She took it off him, trying her best not to jar him, which would only cause him more pain. She put the shirt on the floor, she'd wash it later. Pulling out a bottle of disinfectant and some gauze she began to clean and bind his cuts. Riley sat in silence, watching her. Spike's eyes fluttered open.

"Slayer." He whispered, his voice laced with pain. "Make it stop.... please?"

Spike had never asked for anything like this before, he'd never begged. She took his hand and he squeezed it tightly as another wave of pain went through him.

"I'll help you. I promise." She said.

Spike managed a weak smile before closing his eyes and loosening his grip on her hand. Buffy stood up and turned around to face Riley who was still staring at her. He couldn't believe that she'd just told Spike she'd help him.

"I know you don't agree with helping Spike, but I am not going to sit here and let him die. I can't."

"I may have a solution." Said Giles who had just walked through the front door and had caught the tail part of Buffy and Riley's conversation. "I've been researching with Willow and I believe we may have found something."

"You can save him?" Asked Buffy hopefully.

"Not as such, but if we can get this chip removed there may be something we can do to solve the problem of him killing again." When Buffy only gave him a puzzled look, he held up a thick pile of what looked like old manuscripts.

"A spell." He explained, seeing her puzzled statement. "If we can successfully remove the chip from Spike's head then what I have here will restore his soul."

Buffy stared at him in disbelief. She thought that Willow had destroyed the Spell after she'd restored Angel's soul. With Angel in Hell she'd felt that leaving a curse that powerful around could be dangerous.

"Are you sure?"

"In all my time as Watcher I've learned that you can never be sure of anything, but yes, I have reason to believe that it will work."

"What if it doesn't?" Asked Riley who was beginning to think that Buffy and Giles were both insane. "You could end up with a ruthless killer on your hands."

"That's a chance I'm willing to take." Snapped Buffy. "Unlike you I have a conscience and I'm not going to sit by and let someone I could have saved die."

Giles nodded. "If the spell should fail, Buffy is more than capable of killing Spike should she have to."

"Really? Come on Buffy, I've seen the way you look at him. If this spell doesn't work are you really going to be able to take him down? I heard about what happened with Angel. How many people he had to kill before you worked up the guts to finish him off."

Buffy looked as if she was about to vomit. How could he say this to her? There was a similar statement on Giles' face as Riley's words recalled what had happened to Jenny. He strode over to the younger man and hit him with all his strength knocking him to the floor

"Get out of my house." He hissed, tears in his eyes. Riley climbed to his feet, holding his jaw.

"I'm sorry." He said. "But you guys don't seem to be thinking straight."

Buffy came to her senses as Giles moved in ready to forcibly throw Riley out of the front door.

"Giles, wait. We need him."

Giles let go of Riley's arm and took a step back. Buffy walked over and grabbed both his arms.

"Riley, if you care about me at all you'll help me do this. You have to trust me. I need you to get in touch with the Initiative, tell them about Spike and what we want to do. I don't care what it takes, you have to get them to help him."

Riley found himself nodding dumbly. If any one else had asked him to do this he would have refused straight away, but he couldn't bear the fact that he was hurting Buffy. He would do anything for her.

"I'll go and call them." He said quietly.

Buffy sighed with relief.

"Thank you."

Buffy sat down at the edge of the couch next to Spike and took his hand in hers. He looked so tranquil. For the first time, Buffy wondered what kind of man he had been when he had been alive. She looked up at Giles and asked, "So how will this spell work? Is it the same as the one we used on Angel?"

"Like I said, Buffy, I have reason to believe that this spell will work. It's slightly different than the curse Willow used, but the effect should be the same. We were searching through the books that I keep in my office rather than on display, " he began.

Buffy was nodding, with a slight look of boredom in her eyes.

"Well I'll skip the details, then. Suffice to say, this spell is actually a ritual that will essentially raise a dead person. It is usually done within a week of the person's passing because theoretically, the soul is still nearby. But we know that Angel had gone more than a hundred years before his soul was returned to him so we know that Spike's soul must still be around too. That is just the first obstacle."

"The real problem is that in all accounts of this spell being performed, it has never been performed on a vampire. We don't know what the ramifications of that will be. If it works the way it is supposed to, Spike will have his human soul restored to him."

"And if it doesn't?" she asked, staring down at the unlined face of her one-time enemy.

"I don't know." Giles replied.

Throughout the day, they had taken turns watching over Spike, making him drink from a mugful of blood that they had kept warm all day whenever he briefly regained consciousness. Anya had opened the shop that morning and Willow had stayed there to study the spell. Spike hadn't woken in more than two hours and Buffy's worry was turning slowly into fear. She was afraid that he wouldn't wake up again, ever.

Somehow, in the few hours between going to meet Riley at the coffee shop and this morning at Giles' house, something had changed. Also, something Riley had said, before Giles struck him, tugged at her mind. How did she look at Spike? She never thought she looked at him in any particular way. They bickered almost constantly. She thought that they couldn't stand each other. Buffy's thoughts were interrupted as she heard him call out to her.

"Buffy?" He made a motion for her to come closer to him.

She leaned near, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Yes, Spike?"

He looked into her face, his eyes full of something that Buffy couldn't understand. "I'm dying, love."

"Shh. No you're not. Here, drink this," she replied brightly, trying to hand him the mug.

Spike pushed the mug away and she set it back down on the table where she sat. In the same motion, he clasped her hand and wouldn't let it go. She stared at her hand in his and back into his face. His face now bore a faint resemblance to the one he wore when they argued. "I am so, Soldier-Boy said so."

Buffy smiled sadly. It had been hours since Riley left to find help. He hadn't called and for all she knew, he could be at her home, convincing her mother to commit her to an insane asylum. "You are not going to die," she repeated, with as much conviction as she could muster.

Spike managed a small grateful smile, but continued. "I think that I am. Buffy, before I go, there's something that I have to tell you. I -- "

They both looked up startled as the telephone began to ring. They stared at it blankly until Giles walked into the room, staring at them because they hadn't answered it yet. They both knew that this would probably be the call which meant the difference between life and death for Spike.

Finally, Giles reached out and removed the phone from its cradle and placed it between his ear and shoulder so that he could play with the cord with both hands.

"Hello?" he answered. "Yes, Riley, we've been waiting for you."

Together, Buffy and Spike glanced at each other hopefully. Giles turned and tented the cord over his head so that he could lean down to write something down.

"Yes. Yes. Where? Oh, I see. Right, then. We'll pick up Willow and see you in half an hour."

Giles turned to face the others, fully aware that they'd heard his conversation.

"It's time." He said. "We're to pick up Willow and meet Riley at the hospital. He arranged for the most capable Initiative doctor to attempt the procedure. We need to go now. I'll go and get the car started."

Giles put his coat on, picked up his keys and walked out of the front door. Buffy looked back at Spike.

"I guess we should get going. Do you think you can stand?"

He nodded and climbed shakily to his feet but that was as far has he made it. The last of his strength leaving him he lurched forward and was only prevented from collapsing completely by Buffy's ever alert reflexes. She caught him and managed to steady him before pulling one of his arms around her shoulder, allowing him to lean on her. Half carrying him they walked out to the car together and climbed in. Feeling almost exhausted just from the effort of walking to the car Spike snuggled down next to Buffy and rested his head on her shoulder. She absently stroked the back of his hand, desperate to soothe him in any way she could.

Giles made record time to the shop where Willow was stood outside waiting. She quickly climbed in and gasped when she saw Spike's almost grey complexion.

"Don't worry Buffy." She said, desperate to comfort her friend. "I'm sure the doctor will be able to help him."

Buffy nodded numbly, only half listening to what Willow was saying. All she cared about was getting to the hospital as soon as possible.

Again Giles sped as fast as it was legally possible to do and they soon arrived. Willow helped Buffy to carry Spike who was now barely conscious and Riley met them in the foyer. He quickly ushered them into an elevator and took them up to the floor where the doctor was due to meet them. Sure enough he was stood in the corridor waiting for them. He took one look at Spike and frowned.

"There isn't much time. If we're to stand any chance of saving him then we need to operate now."

Motioning for them to follow he walked into a nearby room which already prepared for the operation. There were a number of gruesome looking instruments laid out on a table which Buffy tried her hardest not to look at as she helped Spike to lie on the operating table. Meanwhile Riley helped the doctor into his operating gown while he filled a syringe with a clear substance.

Spike took Buffy's hand and pulled her down so that she was at eye height with him.

"I didn't tell you what I wanted to say earlier on." He said quietly, doing his best to stay awake.

"We don't have time for this!" Yelled the doctor as he walked over. Buffy stood up and took a step back as he injected Spike's arm.

"You'll need to wait outside. What I'm going to do has never been done before and I need absolute concentration."

"You can tell me when you wake up." She said to Spike softly, giving him one final glance before walking out of the door, closing it behind her.

"I love you." Spike whispered before the drugs took effect and he was aware of nothing.

As Buffy stepped into the corridor she saw Giles, Riley and Willow sat on three chairs. Buffy walked over to Riley and took his hand

"Thank you for doing this."

"You know I'd do anything for you Buffy. Even something which I don't think is right."

Ignoring his last comment she turned to face Giles

"What do we do now?"

"It's too dangerous to attempt the spell while Spike is undergoing surgery. For now, we wait."

Buffy sat down dejectedly. She hated waiting.

Hours passed. Riley, Giles and Willow drifted in and out of sleep but Buffy couldn't close her eyes for a minute. She spent the time walking to and from the coffee machine and pacing up and down the corridor. Finally the door opened and the doctor emerged looking exhausted. Buffy ran up to him.

"How did it go?"

"I've managed to remove the chip." He sighed. "But there's no way of telling exactly what his condition is until he wakes up. "

"Can I see him?"

"Yes, but don't expect to see any miracles. He'll probably be unconscious for quite a while."

Buffy nodded and quietly walked into the hospital room. Pulling a chair over to the side of the bed she sat down beside him and took his hand.

"Come on Spike." She urged. "I know better than anyone how strong you are. I know you can beat this."

After a while, his eyes fluttered open and gazed quietly into hers. This was a day he had dreamed of since the chip was implanted. It was finally gone. He tried to recall all of his plans of mayhem and destruction but somehow, they all seemed worthless. Echoes of the past, they no longer had any bearing on the future.

Here was Buffy, the woman that he loved, right in front of him, waiting for him to say something. He had to make sure it was something good. He didn't think he could survive if she hated him again. Literally. One word that she didn't like and he would be nothing but a pile of dust.

"I'm alright, love. Can't say as much about my head. It still hurts a bit." There, he thought to himself. Nothing there that was stake worthy. And wonders of wonders, she was smiling at him and drawing him into a careful hug. As she held him, something made him say to her, "Careful, pet. I can bite you now."

She drew away from him and looked at him. Stupid! Bloody stupid! He thought to himself. To his amazement, her smile only broadened. "We'll take care of that later," she replied. "What was it that you wanted to tell me?"

Spike mustered up what little strength he had. He reached across himself and took Buffy's hand. He gazed into her eyes and they stared questioningly back at him. He saw a faint flicker of apprehension in her face and hesitated. "Buffy, I don't know how to say this. I don't even know when it happened. I'm pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with the chip either."

He looked at her and she nodded, not really knowing what he was going to say next, but the look he had seen in her eyes earlier was gone. Cheered a little, he looked down at his hand stroking hers as it lay against his chest and continued. "Buffy. I love you."

Silence. He could hear the clock ticking in the corner. He could hear her heartbeat. It was much faster than it had been before. He looked up tentatively to see her reaction. He braced himself for her fury, but all he received was a thoughtful glance.

Right then, the Initiative doctor pushed the door open, flipping through some papers on his clipboard. "Miss Summers? You'll have to go now. The patient needs to rest."

Buffy nodded to him and got up out of the chair beside Spike's bed. She exited, followed by the doctor, turned to Spike and once again gave him that thoughtful look. He wondered what it meant.

She made her way to where everyone had been waiting and was promptly surrounded. She turned to Giles. He had only one question, "The spell?"

Buffy nodded silently and watched as the two of them entered the room with all of their magic paraphernalia. She took Riley's hand and led him back to the chairs. She sat and coaxed him to do so as well. She turned in the chair so that she was facing him directly.

"Riley. I want to thank you for what you did for me, for Spike today." Buffy began.

Riley smiled gently. "I already told you I would do anything for you. I love you Buffy."

Without waiting for a reply, he moved his head closer to hers to draw her into a kiss. She turned her head and looked down. "That's just it, Riley. I-"

"What, Buffy?" he asked, concerned.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. She knew that she had to do this. She knew even before she had seen Spike last night in that alleyway. She just didn't know that this was going to hurt so much. She knew that she was more in love with the idea of Riley and what kind of life he could present to her than she was with Riley himself. He was nothing but unfailingly sweet, constantly dependable, distressingly mortal. She knew that he would be heading to nothing but his own death if he stayed with her.

When she didn't answer, he asked softly, "Do you--do you still love me?"

Tears began to spill. "I do! I do. I love you too much but not enough. I'm sorry, Riley."

Riley released his hand from hers and stared at her, his statement unreadable. "I should have known," he said to her, his voice as cold as ice. He turned from her walked down the hallway towards the elevator, never once looking back.

Buffy watched until he was out of sight before burying her head in her hands and sobbing softly.

Spike managed a small smile as he saw Willow and Giles enter the room, although he was slightly disappointed that Buffy wasn't with them. He wondered how she was reacting to what he'd told her, probably having a laugh about it with Captain Cardboard right now.

"Hey Spike." Said Willow as cheerfully as she could, seeing a slightly sad statement in his eyes but not knowing the cause of it. She'd expected him to be delighted now that he could kill again. Still, that's why they were there, to make sure that no killing happened. Giles walked over to her and whispered in her ear

"Perhaps a small sleep spell for Spike? I don't want him disturbing the ritual."

Willow nodded and walked over to Spike's bedside, laying her hand on his forehead

Spike looked confused.

"Red, what are you doing?"

"Intervigilum" She said softly, the Latin word for sleep. Immediately Spike's eyes drooped shut and his head lolled gently to one side.

"Sleep well." She said, stroking his hair and smiling both at the fact that her spell had worked and that Spike actually looked peaceful for the first time in a long while. Walking back over to the centre of the room she knelt beside Giles who was busy setting up the ingredients for the spell.

"Well done." He said approvingly. It still amazed him how much Willow's magical abilities had progressed in the short time that she'd been practising Wicca. Willow glanced down at what Giles was preparing.

"Are we ready?"

When he nodded she took his hands in hers and they began to focus their energy. This spell was going to take a lot of effort. Slowly they began to chant.

As Spike slept he dreamt of Buffy, that she was holding him, kissing him. He felt so happy being with her, so loved. As he moved in to kiss her again her face suddenly changed into that of a young girl he'd killed years ago, her eyes screaming accusations at him, then it changed into another, and another. He was being bombarded with the faces of every single person that he'd killed as a vampire and it was the most horrific thing he'd ever seen. A montage of cries, screams and plea's, all of which he'd ignored at the time.

"No," he murmured, beginning to toss in his sleep. Where was Buffy? She'd protect him from this nightmare. The faces kept coming, each more vivid and horrific than the one before it.

"NO!" he cried, desperate to make it stop. Every torture he'd ever inflicted was coming back to haunt him as though they were being performed on himself.

Giles and Willow continued to chant, doing their best to blot out the screams and cries coming from Spike's bed. Finally it was over and they climbed wearily to their feet. Glancing over at Spike they saw his face contorting as he dreamt, a single tear rolling down his cheek. There was nothing more they could do, except be supportive when he woke up. There were going to be difficult months ahead for the vampire. Leaving as quietly as they could, they stepped back into the corridor.

Buffy looked up when she heard the door open and found herself looking at two drained and exhausted pairs of eyes.

"It's done." Was all Giles said and Buffy nodded.

"Where's Riley?" Asked Willow looking around.

"Gone." Was the only reply she got and she knew better than to push. It was obvious that Buffy had been crying and she knew she'd tell her what had happened when she was ready. A wave of exhaustion washing over her she leaned heavily on Giles. She felt like she could sleep forever.

"I'd better take you home." Said Giles. "We could both use some rest. Buffy would you mind sitting with Spike for a while. He's going to need to see a familiar face when he wakes up."

Nodding Buffy walked into the room and sat down beside the bed. Spike was lying still but it was evident that he'd been crying. Part of her almost regretted having to put him through this but she knew there was no other way.

"Slayer? Is that you?" He whispered, not opening his eyes.

"It's me." She said softly, taking his hand to reassure him of her presence.

"I feel weird." He opened his eyes and looked up at her, a pained and almost lost statement on his face.

"I know, we gave you back your soul"

"It hurts." He whispered, squeezing her hand a little more tightly.

She knew he was talking about emotional pain rather than physical.

"I'm sorry, there was no other way. We had to make sure you wouldn't start killing people again."

Tears began to roll down Spike's cheeks as her remembered all the faces that he'd seen in his dream. Buffy gently wipes his tears with her hand.

"Hey, it's alright, I'm here for you."

Spike smiled gently and lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly before setting it down on top of his chest. The two sat in silence for a minute and Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. Suddenly she gasped and pulled her hand away as though it had been burned.

"What is it?" Asked Spike, concerned that he'd made her uncomfortable with his kiss. Buffy's eyes were wide with shock as she tentatively reached forward and put her hand back on his chest.

"Your heart" she whispered. "It's beating."

TBC....