SCENE OF THE CRIME



The Wayside Inn. Garden wedding setup.

[Wedding guests are mingling around, sipping champagne and chatting.
FRASIER is standing near a flower-bedecked archway, looking worried.
MARTIN enters.]

MARTIN: Hey, Frash, what's the holdup, do you know? These people are
getting antsy.

FRASIER: Well, Dad, it seems that no one can find Daphne. I saw her
here maybe 45 minutes ago, wished her well. She looked quite nervous.
Her mother has gone looking for her. So the ceremony is delayed yet
further.

MARTIN: Well, I just went to try to talk to Niles again, but it seems
someone has moved the Winnebago. I can't imagine him driving that
thing . . .

FRASIER: Moved the . . .[beat] OH MY GOD!

MARTIN: Oh, Jeez!

FRASIER: Could it be that . . .?

ROZ: [Enters, wearing a hideous bridesmaid's dress] Brilliant, Sherlock!
Yes, they're gone, yes, they're together. Daphne cornered me about a
half hour ago. She said that she couldn't go through with the wedding,
couldn't marry Donny. She said that she knew now that she loved Niles.
She was going to try to find him, and ask him to get her out of here.
She swore me to secrecy until they had made the slip. They must be
long gone by now . . .

FRASIER: I'm going to kill him, how could he . . .?!

MARTIN: Frasier, put a sock in it! [FRASIER and ROZ look startled]
You were the one who told him to go for it.

FRASIER: Yes, but I was hoping he would get her to call off the wedding,
explain all of this to . . .

MARTIN: Look, he probably thought this was his best shot. What would
you say if the woman of your dreams, who you thought you'd lost forever,
suddenly came to you and asked you to take her away from all this?
[FRASIER nods] Well, we have to deal with the situation here.
Someone has to break it to Donny and . . .

ALL THREE: MEL!

ROZ: Well, I could talk to Donny. I know him better then you guys do,
and, . . .well, it might be easier to coming from a woman.

FRASIER: Well, yes, that seems like the best plan, Roz. Remember,
he should know that this wasn't just an impulsive thing, that it's
been building for . . .

ROZ: Oh, can it, Frasier. I've been a witness here too the last
seven years. I don't know all of it, but it'll go OK.

FRASIER: Right, sorry, Roz. Thank you, you'll do fine.

[She leaves to go find DONNY]

MARTIN: Well, I guess I can be the one to talk to Mel.

FRASIER: Dad, are you sure?

MARTIN: I'm less involved in all this than you are, and besides . . .
I don't think even SHE would attack an old man with a cane!

[Pats FRASIER on the shoulder and leaves]

FRASIER: [Smiling]Thanks, Dad. [Under his breath] Don't be too sure!
[Looking around] Well, I guess the rest of them are mine.
[Announcement voice] Everyone, excuse me, may I have your attention
for a moment? [Guests quiet down and pay attention] I have just been
informed that there will be a change in the plans, and, uh . . .
it seems that the wedding you were about to witness here . . .
has been . . . called off. I apologize for the inconvenience you
may have experienced, but we would like to invite you all to stay
and enjoy the dinner and liquid refreshments, make it the party it
was intended to be. Well, minus the bride and groom, of course!
[Nervous chuckle]
Carry on!

MRS. MOON:[With SIMON, walking up to FRASIER] Dr. Crane, what's
going on? Where's my daughter? You say she's not getting married?

FRASIER: Oh, Mrs. Moon, I'm sure Daphne is just fine. You see, . . .
it seems that she has had a change of heart, and she has left
the premises with . . .well, with my brother, Niles.

SIMON: Oh, yeah, Mum. He's the bloke who's baby she's having!

FRASIER: Oh, dear God, Simon, for the last time. [Shouting] Daphne
is not pregnant!! [Guests around them turn and look] Mrs. Moon,
my brother has loved your daughter for a long time now, but never
had the courage to tell her. He got up the nerve last night and,
well . . .it seems she feels the same way.

MRS. MOON: Oh, what a relief! She went for the little cute one!
[Off FRASIER's look] Well, you didn't think I was enchanted with
that Donny fellow! Your brother will be good to her?

FRASIER: I can assure you, he will treat her like royalty.

MRS. MOON: Well, if that's true, he'll be taking lots of pictures
of her from behind walls! [SIMON guffaws. FRASIER looks confused,
then gets it and feigns a laugh] We might as well go and enjoy
the party. Oh! Dibs on that bottle of champagne!

[They depart and FRASIER is left alone. Picks up a glass of
champagne from a passing waiter, lifts it in a toast and smiles]

FRASIER: Way to go, Niles. My best to you both.

END SCENE