THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW: WHAT IF............

Song list:
There's A Light - Reprise (Brad, Magenta)
Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me - Reprise (Janet, Brad, Magenta)
Drunken Me Up (Magenta)
Dammit Janet - Reprise (Janet, Rocky)
The Murder Attempt (Magenta, Janet, Rocky)


NARRATOR: In the song "Rose Tints My World," Rocky says "I am only seven hours old." Where did the other five hours go? This is where my creative side kicks in. I have created, for your enjoyment, an account of what had happened during part of that time. So, I would like, heh heh, if I may, to take you on a strange journey..........

(We see a hallway in the castle. Brad, in an effort to find a phone and escape, has lost his way and is searching through the maze of halls.)

"There's A Light" Reprise
BRAD
In the darkest hallway
In this castle's heart
Glowing bright
(We see a door with light shining under it.)
I am not too far
Soon we'll be back
In the car.
There's a light

MAGENTA'S VOICE
Shining underneath the door

BRAD
There's a light

MAGENTA'S VOICE
Look at her that little whore!

BOTH
There's a light
A light
In the darkness of everybody's life.

(Brad opens the door. Magenta sits alone watching her television monitor.)

BRAD: Hey, uh, Fuschia, is it?
MAGENTA: It's Magenta.
BRAD: Magenta, er, right. Um, do you know where I could find a phone in this place.

(Magenta laughs manically.)

MAGENTA: A phone? Ha ha ha, he vant's a phone! You'll vant an Asprin ven you see vat Janet has been up to.

(She rewinds her videotape.)

"Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me" Reprise
JANET (On video)
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I wanna be dirty
Chill me thrill me fulfill me
Creature of the night!

BRAD
But I thought she loved me.
Meant to be.

MAGENTA
She's tasted blood and she vants more.

JANET (on video, to Rocky with pleasure in her voice)
More! More! More!

MAGENTA
She put up no resistance.

BRAD
Then damn her whole existance.
I've got a flame to cool
I need assistance!

(Starts kissing Magenta's neck.)

MAGENTA
Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me
Oh! I vanna be diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirty!
Chill me! Thrill me! Fulfill me!

BRAD (moaning)
Creature of the night!

(They begin to strip each other's clothes.)

BRAD, JANET (on video to Rocky), & MAGENTA
Toucha toucha toucha me!
I wanna/vanna be dirty!
Chill me! Thrill me! Fulfill me!
Creature of night!

BRAD (laying on top of Magenta)
Creature of the night!

MAGENTA (orgasmically)
Creature of the night!

BRAD
Creature of the night!

MAGENTA
Creature of the night! Oh!

BRAD
Creature of the night!

JANET (on video)
Creature of the night!

BRAD & MAGENTA
Creature of the night!

ALL THREE
Creature of the night!

(The TV shuts off. Columbia enters.)

COLUMBIA: Slowly, slowly. It's too nice a job to rush. Mind if I cut in or is this a (giggles) private party?
MAGENTA: Get out of here!
BRAD: No, stay. I need all the love I can get. (Sad puppy face)
COLUMBIA: Well now, that sounds like somethin' I just can't refuse.
BRAD: You won't want to.

(Columbia hops into bed. Brad starts slobbering all over her.)

"Drunken Me Up" (to be sung to the melody of "Rose Tints My World")
MAGENTA
It vas fun ven it first began
But then Columbia stole my man
Maybe he vas just too bland
After all, he's not a muscle man
Now the only thing I vant to do
Is find myself another screw
Drunkens me up
Makes me forget my trouble and pain

(Magenta gets up and exits the room. We now see Janet and Rocky in the tank under the red blanket.)

JANET: Oh, oh, Rocky!

(Rocky grunts)

"Dammit Janet" Reprise
JANET
Oh, it's nicer than Frankie and I had

ROCKY
Janet

JANET
Now I have you and I'm so glad

ROCKY
Janet

JANET
That I am finished with that Brad

ROCKY
Janet

JANET:
I've one thing to say and that's dammit Rocky

ROCKY
I love you
Dammit Janet

JANET
I'm mad at Brad

ROCKY
Dammit Janet

BOTH
I love you

(Magenta comes through the elevator)

MAGENTA: You! You little slut! Vy'd you have to cheat on that bastard of a boyfrind you've got?!
JANET: Why should you care?
MAGENTA: Because I just showed him vat you were doing. He gave me the best screw I've ever had. Then the Columbia valks in and he says "I need all the love I can get," and starts up vith her.
JANET: Well it's not my fault!
MAGENTA: Yes it is, you little whore.

(Rushes toward Janet with the pick used to kill Eddie and chases her around the room.)

"The Murder Attempt" (to be sung to the melody of "The Sword of Damocles")
MAGENTA
Killing Janet is a-gonna be truck a load of fun.

JANET
I've done no crime.

MAGENTA
I'll chop her to pieces and then feed them to the dogs ven I'm done.

JANET
I've done no crime.

MAGENTA
It's 'cause of you
I lonely without a screw
And he'll be, too
When he finds out that I've murdered his girlfriend.

ROCKY
Sha la la la she's done no crime.

JANET
Oh no no no

ROCKY
Sha la la la she's done no crime.

JANET
Oh no no no

ROCKY
Sha la la la she's done no crime. No crime.

MAGENTA: Wait! I hear the master coming in the elevator. Quickly hide back under the blanket. I'll go get the dinner gong.

(Rocky and Janet hide under the blanket. Magenta leaves. Frank, Brad and Riff Raff come down in the elevator.)

NARRATOR: And you know the rest.........