Hello. I am sad to announce that I am not quite out of my slump just yet. I still can't write insane stuff like I used to! But here is my attempt. And I beg of youPlease read my story, Harry Potter and the Song of the Phoenix. I am really proud of it. Now with three chapters! Ok, thanks, and on with the insanity!
The Magical Menagerie
Harry, Hermione, and Ron made their way to Diagon Alley's Magical Menagerie. Seeing as Pigwidgeon had been sucked into the engine of a jumbo jet, Ron needed a new pet. Seeing as Crookshanks had eaten Mrs. Granger's evil Plum Pudding, Hermione needed a new pet. And seeing as Hedwig was stupid and boring, Harry needed a new pet.
As the threesome entered, Gilderoy Lockhart was walking out and looking mighty happy. They noticed he had a lovely starfish in his hands and was muttering, "You are a starfish. You are a starfish."
The shopkeeper waved and greeted them warmly, then noticed that the man-eating plant on her desk had just bitten her hand off and ran into the back room screaming. The three friends just decided to walk around and look. Suddenly, Ron and Hermione stopped in front of a cage.
"How cuuuuuuuuute!!!" Hermione screamed.
"Awwwwwwww!!!" said Ron.
"Huh?" said Harry.
In front of them was a very stupid and ugly looking creature. The sign next to its cage announced that it was called a Stoopid. It was a green blob of what looked like old oatmeal with eyes.
"That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life!" Harry exclaimed. Big mistake.
If there is one rule you should follow in the wizarding world, it is to never insult a Stoopid. In fact, as Hermione and Ron already knew, it is best to compliment them as much as possible.
The Stoopid had wrapped the nasty glop of goo that was its body around Harry's face. Harry screamed and yelled loudly, trying to rip the disgusting thing off his face, but it was too late. The Stoopid suffocated him and he lay dead on the floor.
The shopkeeper, who had managed to magic her hand back on, came by with a broom. As she swept Harry up, Hermione and Ron heard her say something like, "Third time this week! Those things are more trouble than they're worth"
"Well!" said Ron, clapping his hands together. "That was fun! Let's get pets!"
Hermione nodded anxiously and hand-in-hand, she and Ron skipped happily around the isles looking for a nice pet. They stopped at a tank full of cute-looking things called Mermies. They looked a little like tiny dragons, but they had tails like Mermaids. Ron tapped a finger on the glass, saying, "Hello! My name is Burger the happy mongoose licker! Hello! May I smell your toes?"
"Silly Burger! Mermies do not have toes!" Hermione scolded playfully. She reached a hand into the water-filled tank to tickle a Mermy. "They love to be tickled," she whispered.
As she tickled the Mermy, the others in the tank began doing an odd thing. They joined hands (or flippers, whatever) and began a tribal dance around Hermione's hand. Then, they attacked her hand viciously.
In the meantime, Ron had wandered off and fallen into hole in the floor. It led to a happy place called Disneyland. Ron rode the rides until he puked. Then he went to sleep.
When Hermione was finally able to pry each and every little tooth off her arm, she finally found a suitable pet. It was a flying creature called an owl.
"Wow! This pet is great!" Hermione said. So she paid for it and left.
Harry and Ron went to a baseball game together later that day and ate cheese dogs. They caught fly balls and had a wonderful time. And Hogwarts was never the same again because I am just being completely random and I am gonna go to the old standby ending: Then the world blew up and Gilderoy Lockhart said, "I am a starfish."
The End
Hey! I am almost back to my old self! Remember, no flames, Mrs. Norris is a cat, not a phoenix. Goobyes!