I sat cross-legged on the bed, scribbling away frantically in my diary. I paused for a moment, and flipped back a few pages. If he ever saw this, he'd think I was obsessed. Ever since I moved back to Hope Springs, I had become fixated on Carey Bell. There was something about him that I couldn't help but adore. Like the way he always says the cutest things that just slip out of his mouth. Or the way he'll push away that strand of hair that always seems to fall across his forehead. Or his eyes when they're looking into mine, his smile, and oh God, his laugh...
Maybe I am obsessed...
It was weird, though, the way that I had fallen for Carey. I mean, I've known him my entire life - I grew up with him! And I never thought of us as more than friends before I came back home.
I sighed. We probably never will be more than friends.
There was a knock at my bedroom door and I quickly threw my diary under the bed. "Mom?"
"Nope, just your knight in shining armor." The door opened and Carey stood there with the goofiest grin on his face. I wish, I thought wistfully.
"Hi, Carey," I smiled back. He was so cute. "What are you doing here?"
"Just thought I'd drop by for lunch," he explained. "What, aren't you happy to see me?" he teased.
"Hmm, let me think about that," I replied, making an exaggerated show of bringing my finger to my chin.
"Hey!" Carey exclaimed, feigning hurt, and leaped onto my bed, pinning me down. His face was just inches away from mine, and our eyes met for a split second. I gulped - my heart was pounding a million beats a second. He suddenly looked serious, and this was just how I always imagined it: Carey would throw me down onto my bed, and then he'd slowly lean in, and then -
"Lunch is on the table," Mom announced, bursting through the door. "Whoa! What's going on in here?"
Carey jumped up as if I had tried to attack him. "Nothing, we were just playing around," he replied. Of course. Nothing was the only thing that would ever happen between us.
Mom eyed our faces skeptically, then shook her head slightly. "Okay," she said, leaving the room. Carey followed and I sadly watched him retreat. For that split second, it almost seemed like... If only Mom hadn't burst through the door, maybe we would have...
Quickly, I snapped myself back to reality. I'm being ridiculous. Carey was just goofing around. But was it so wrong to dream?
Chapter Two
We sat around the kitchen table, munching on our sandwiches without speaking. I was lost in my thoughts, replaying the Carey-leaps-on-top-of-me moment over and over and over again in my mind. That look on his face with his lips just inches away from mine... damn. Why did Mom have to ruin the moment? Well, not that I knew for sure there would be any moment, but still. I sighed, maybe a bit too loudly.
"Something wrong?" Mom broke the silence.
Yes. "No," I responded quickly.
Mom looked at me questioningly, and I turned away. I didn't want her to see... was it obvious how much I liked Carey? I took a huge bite of my sandwich, when suddenly Carey blurted out, "I'm seeing Jennifer again this afternoon." I tried to restrain myself from choking. Who's Jennifer? I thought angrily. Whoever she was, I already felt a mixture of hatred and envy.
"Really?" Mom said, sounding truly interested. "That's great. She seems like such a sweet girl." How did Mom know this girl? And why didn't I?
"Thanks for introducing her to me," Carey went on. Okay, wait - so Mom set them up? This just wasn't making any sense.
"Uh," I interrupted, and then had to clear my throat. For whatever reason, my mouth was dry. "Who's Jennifer?"
"Carey's new girlfriend," Mom beamed. I felt sick.
"Not girlfriend," Carey said quickly. Was he blushing? "We just went on a date, that's all."
"She works with me at Katy's," Mom explained. Oh. For the past month, Mom had been a waitress at Katy's Family Restaurant, to get us a little extra money. I guess that this Jennifer person was also a waitress there, and Mom introduced her to Carey on one of his frequent visits.
"That's actually where we're planning to go today, after the movie," Carey said. "It's Jenny's day off."
Jenny? Now I really was sick.
"Maybe I'll be your waitress," Mom said with an exaggerated wink. Carey just laughed. That sweet, adorable, perfect laugh that always made my heart melt. I closed my eyes tightly. Stop it, I told myself.
"Actually, I better get going to pick her up." My eyes fluttered open to see him standing. "Bye, Mrs. P," Carey said with a quick wave. "See you later, Fi," he added, flashing that cute smile of his. Oh no, here I go again...
"See you," I echoed, watching sadly as he opened the front door and closed it behind him. How stupid was I to believe that the moment we had in my bedroom - now it seemed like centuries ago - actually meant something? How could I think that he'd actually ever like me when he could go for girls like Jennifer? Mom had already left the table to get ready for work, and I slumped down in my seat. I was angry, not with Jennifer or Carey, but with myself - because even though it was hopeless, I still wanted him.
Chapter Three
I was in my room again, scribbling away in my diary, the one thing that I could always count on to listen to my pathetic problems. Mom had left about fifteen minutes ago to go to Katy's, so the house was empty, and I felt utterly alone. I touched the angel on the chain around my neck. If Jack was here...
A tear slid down my cheek at the thought of him. If only my brother was here to comfort me, to protect me - like he always did. I brushed away the tear quickly. I couldn't think about this. With the Carey-Jennifer situation, I was already a mess, and thinking of Jack would only make it worse.
An image of Rob flashed in my mind, and my whole body trembled violently. So much for trying to forget. I pulled my knees up to my chin, rocking back and forth on my bed, sobbing. Life seemed so perfect just a few hours ago, and now I was overcome with misery. I wanted it all to just disappear... I wanted to be happy again.
The phone rang, jolting me back to reality. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, before picking it up. "Hello?" I said in a hoarse whisper.
"Fi?" Carey? I glanced at my clock - shouldn't he still be out with Jennifer?
"Carey, is that you?" I asked, my voice restoring its normality.
"Yeah," he replied. I could hardly hear him - the background noise was so loud that it practically drowned out his voice.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at Katy's," he said. His voice was shaky, and Carey was usually so calm.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, afraid to know the answer. There had to be something wrong, I could sense it.
"It's your mom." There was a long pause, and then, "She was shot."
"No!" I screamed.
"Fi, I'm so sorry... but the ambulance should be on its way... she might make it..." He was still talking, but I couldn't hear him anymore. How could this happen? Why would someone try to kill my mother? I'd already lost my father, and my brother... she was all I had left.