Ficlets #2!!! (OH, the humanity!!!)
by
Nin Tendo
~ Disclaimer ~ You know, the people who actually DO own Gundam Wing missed a lot of opportunities for humor...
(Perverse Ficlets are marked with ***, while Endless Waltz spoilers are marked with @@@. Got it? Got it? Good. n_n)
=============================================================================
Nin: Hey, Dee!!! I just heard this rumor on the internet!!! Trowa's BALD, and he wears a WIG!!!
Dee: No way!!!
Nin: WAY!!!
Dee: Let's go check!!!
Nin: 'Kay!!!
(They dash out the door. Moments later, tortured screams of agony rise in the air.)
Unidentified Voice: LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!
=============================================================================
(Wufei stares at the readers, looking really scared)
Wufei: I see weak people...they're everywhere...they walk around like everyone else...they don't even know that they're weak...
=============================================================================
Duo: Trowa, how do you get your hair to defy gravity like that?
Trowa: Have you ever heard of cow-licks?
(A moose walks in. Trowa walks over and pets it.)
Trowa: Well, I use moose. Lions work well, too.
=============================================================================
(Milliardo/Zechs walks up to a stanger)
Zechs: Hello, my name is...is...um...ah...
(The stranger looks confused)
Zechs: Er...it's on the tip of my tongue....MILLIARDO MERQUISE!!! No, wait, that can't be it...
(The stranger is starting to look weirded out)
Zechs: I got it! It's Zechs Peacecraft!!! No, that's not right...
(The stranger backs away very slowly)
(Zechs turns to Noin, who is trying to look like she doesn't know him)
Zechs: Noin! What's my name again?
Noin: (rolls her eyes) Dumbass.
Zechs: Wait a minnut...(thinks for a 'minnut')...That's not my name!
(He looks back to the stranger, but the poor guy is long gone)
=============================================================================
(Duo is sitting in a dark room, holding four disfigured barbie dolls that look suspiciously like the other G-boys)
Duo: BWAHAHA!!! FOOLS!!! They think they're so hot!!! Now they will comprehend the TRUE horror of messing with (duh, duh, duuuuh!) VOO-DOO DUO!!!
(Duo picks up the doll that looks like Heero)
Duo: You will never die!!! No matter how much you try, YOU WILL SURVIVE!!! BWAHAHA!!!
(Duo picks up the Trowa-doll)
Duo: Trowa!!! You will forever run out of ammunition, resulting in serious future financial problems!!! BWAHAHA!!!
(Duo picks up a very Quatre-like doll)
Duo: YOU will be so sensitive that you will wear PINK, be suspected of being gay, apologize for killing people, and eventually go insane with grief, becoming the infamous WEASEL-BOY!!! BWAHAHA!!!
(Duo picks up the Wufei-doll)
Duo: And YOU, Wufei!!! YOU will be frightened of women for the rest of your life, and will attempt to cover it up by calling them weaklings and unjustified creatures from Planet XXX!!! BWAHAHA!!!
=============================================================================
(Picture Duo on a jackhammer)
Duo: Whao-ao-ao!!! YEE-HA!!! WOO-HOO!!!
(Now picture the poor souls that get in his way, either getting run over, or slapped by his braid)
Duo: SO-R-RY!!! So s-o-o-o-o-o-r-r-y!!!
=============================================================================
(Think of Quatre with a chainsaw)
Quatre: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!
(But, it's too powerful for him!!! It's practically dragging him across the floor!!!)
Quatre: HOW DO I TURN IT OFF?!
(And then...the Maguanacs get in the way!!!)
Quatre: WATCH OUT!!!
Maguanacs: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Quatre: OH, MY GOODNESS!!! I'M SO SORRY, RASHID!!!
Rashid: ....(starts to cry)
(Rashid...is BALD!!!)
=============================================================================
(One day, Heero got ahold of a nailgun)
Heero: (smirks, and points it at Duo) I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Duo: AAAAAAAAAAH!!! (shields himself with a Bible)
(Heero shoots multiple times. Each nail impails the Bible)
Duo: LOOK!!! The Bible really IS 'holey'!!!
=============================================================================
@@@
(The scene where Noin picks up Zechs after he destroys MO-II)
Zechs: (nose buried in book) Is that you, Noin?
Noin: (smiles) I've come to pick you up, Zechs.
(silence decends upon them)
(Noin looks like she's about to say something, but then changes her mind, and says:)
Noin: Zechs, why are you reading? ...I'm trying to talk to you.
Zechs: ...Some smartass decided to put glue in my book. I got really into this one scene, and now my nose is stuck. (He lets go of the book to prove it) I am seriously going to kill someone for this.
(A snicker is heard over the radio com-link. Lo and behold, Duo's face appears)
Duo: Hehehe...hiyah, Zechsy!!! I see that you've gotten yourself a new mask!!! Quite the fashion statement!!!
Zechs: (he has cut eye-holes in the book) MAXWELL!!!
(The pages of the book flutter because of his shout. Zechs gets a lot of paper cuts)
Zechs: OWIE!!!
Duo: BWAHAHA!!! THE GOD OF DEATH LIVES AGAIN!!!
=============================================================================
(Here's something to think about: "Me, myself,...and Trieze")
(The infamous road-trip scene)
Une: Nothing like the open road!!! (bzzzzzzzzz....THWACK!!!)
(The 'cotton-mouth' scene)
Une: These pills give me unbelievable cotton-mouth...(her lips slide over her teeth, making a zipper-like sound)
(Now, imagine three bad-mouthed Mariemeya's sitting on the couch with Une)
Mariemeyas: beep!!! BEEP!!! bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
=============================================================================
(WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING TWO FICLETS INCLUDES ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE ACTING!!!)
Quatre: GASP!!! The house is on fire!!!
Duo: Whatever shall we do?!
Quatre: I don't know, Duo!!! We're three feet from the door!!! We'll never make it!!!
Duo: (bawls) What a lame way to die...
Voice: NEVER FEAR!!!
(Duo and Quatre turn to look at the mysterious person)
(It's HEERO!!! He's wearing a bed-sheet as a make-shift cape, too!!!)
Heero: SUPER HEERO IS HERE!!!
Quatre: ...What a lame name.
Duo: Get an imagination, you creep!!!
(Quatre and Duo walk out of the house, passing a total of fifteen fire-extinguishers. Heero runs after them)
Heero: No, wait! I CAN be a superhero...er, SUPER HEERO!!! I CAN!!!
Quatre/Duo: GET A LIFE!!!
=============================================================================
(LOOK!!! It's an evil villian's hideout!!! OH, NO!!! THEY HAVE ALL THE WORLD'S HAIR CARE PRODUCTS AS HOSTAGES!!! WHO WILL SAVE THE WORLD FROM THIS EVIL PLOT?!)
Evil Man: BWAHAHA!!! NO ONE WILL STOP US NOW!!!
Voice: HALT, FIENDS!!!
Evil Man: GASP!!! Who are YOU?! And how did you manage to break through our crappy defenses?!
Voice: (chuckle) I am....
(A figure steps out of the shadows. It's DUO!!!)
Duo: THE DYNAMIC DUO!!!
Evil Man: HA!!! YOU?! YOU plan to stop us?! One...BOY against my entire evil army?! A scrawny boy, at that!!!
Duo: GRR!!!
Evil Man: BWAHAHA...ha? Wait a moment!!! The kid said "duo"!!! I've seen this episode before!!! You were sent to distract me, while the more powerful, buff man is hidden away in the rafters, waiting to strike!!! Is that it?! Huh?! HA!!! I can see right through you, kid!!!
Duo: ...?
Evil Man: Well, your plan is in ruins!!! SOLDIERS!!! READY, AIM, FIRE!!!
(The evil soldiers fire everthing they have into the rafters. Surely, everything up there is now deceased)
Evil Man: BWAHAHA!!! The day you outwit me, is the day I (creak)...die?
(CRASH!!! THE CEILING HAS CAVED IN ON THE EVIL MAN AND HIS SOLDIERS!!!)
Duo: (cries) No one ever takes me seriously...
=============================================================================
(Uh, I'm not sure if I spelled them right, but a 'duvey' is a really awesome blanket full of feathers, and a 'bedai' is a toilet thing that washes your arse for you, fountain-style!!! n_n)
Duo: IT'S HERE!!!
(Heero, Trowa, and Wufei look up)
Trowa: What's 'here'?
Duo: (smiling, and holding a large crate) My duvey is here!!!
Heero: Why in God's name did you buy a toilet that washes your ass for you?
Duo: I got a DUVEY, not a BEDAI!!!
Wufei: (opens the crate) It's a toilet.
Duo: WHAT?! (looks) DAMMIT!!! They must have mixed up my order or something. (sighs) Well, as long as we have it, we should make use of it. (He sets it up in the bathroom)
(A few minutes later, a flush is heard, followed by a loud shout)
Voice: What the F*CK?!
Duo: ...I guess no one bothered to tell Quatre...
=============================================================================
@@@
*** (Now, this one IS perverted. REALLY perverted. STAY AWAY!!!)
(The scene where Sally knocks out the guards with nerve gas {or whatever}. I want some of that!!! n_n)
(Sally leans over, and lets loose a really rank one. lol)
M&M Soldier: ARGH!!! What's that SMELL?!
(M&M Soldier swaggers around, trying to remain conscious)
(Sally walks around the corner)
Sally: I'm sorry, but I have to put you to sleep for a mo--
(The M&M Soldier lurches forward, grabbing Sally's breasts in a daze)
Sally: EEEEEEEEEK!!! RAPE!!! PERVERT!!!
(Sally pummels the poor M&M Soldier with a mallet that has mysteriously appeared in her hands)
=============================================================================
@@@
(The scene where Catherine and 'Manager' chuckle are being held hostage)
(Catherine is banging on the walls, screaming, and running over everyone)
Catherine: LET ME OUT!!! I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! I KNEW THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN TROWA'S CHILI!!!
=============================================================================
(Heero is busy typing on his labtop. Duo runs up, and practically screams in his ear)
Duo: Whacha doin', Heero?!
Heero: (answers so Duo would go away) I am typing up my essay for school.
Duo: What's it about?!
Heero: (starting to get irritated) My essay is about which procedures are the best way to attain ultimate peace.
Duo: So which procedure do you support?! I betcha that you're gonna say pasifism, like your GIRLFRIEND!!!
Heero: (DEATH GLARE(tm))
Duo: You didn't deny it!!! Man, you're really stuck on her, aren't cha?! When's the weddin'?!
Heero: I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Duo: What?! You wanna fight?! C'mon!!! I'm ready fo' ya!!! Gimme your best shot!!!
(Suddenly, all the anger vanishes from Heero, and he smiles pleasently)
Duo: (caught off guard) Wha?! (His defense falls through)
(Heero punches him in the stomach)
Duo: No...my Achillies Heel...(collapses)
Heero: I keep telling you to eat healthy food, but you don't listen.
Duo: Can I have some sympathy here?
Heero: ...No.
=============================================================================
(Does anybodu recognize this? ...It's a commercial...n_n)
(Quatre, reading a newspaper, sits down in his armchair. A fart is heard. Quatre look around, confused)
(Scene switches)
(Trowa site down at the kitchen table, reading a book. A fart is heard. Trowa absently removed the Whoopie cushion from the chair, and puts it on the table)
(Scene switcheroo)
(Wufei sits at his desk to finish his homework. A fart is heard. Wufei sees red)
(Scene switchermaggiger)
Wufei: (offscreen) MAXWELL!!!
Duo: (offscreem) WHAT?! I'M ON THE TOILET!!! A LITTLE PRIVACY, PLEASE?!
Heero: (snickers while sipping his Lipton Chicken Noodle soup)
Announcer: Kids never get tired of what they like.
Singers: (offscreen) Yummy, yummy, yummy...
=============================================================================
Duo: Hey, Quatre!!! Did you hear about--
Quatre: The person who's been setting zoo animals free? Yes, I've heard. Trowa refuses to leave the circus animals by themselves, and it's all he talks about.
Duo: Really? ...I suspected that Trowa was the one doing it.
Quatre: Nope. He was busy setting up another security system during the last 'attack'.
Duo: I wonder who's doing it then...
(Scene switches to a zoo, where a man is letting birds out of their cages)
Trieze: Be FREE!!! FREE!!! (cackle)
=============================================================================
*** (...KINDA perverted)
(Okay, pretend that Mr. Winner dies like Mr. Dorlain did)
Quatre: FATHER!!!
Mr. Winner: Quatre...I have a confession to make...I'm not your biological father...
Quatre: But...what are you saying...? I don't understand...
Mr. Winner: Your mother got sick of my low sperm count, and had an affair with Instructor H...
(Mr. Winner dies)
Quatre: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Hey...maybe THAT'S why Quatre went insane...hmmm...n_n)
=============================================================================
(I'm assuming that most of you have seen "Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls". If not...watch it. It's so stupid, it's funny!!! n_n)
(The scene where Sandrock self-detonates. It goes smoothly...until Sandrock blew up WAY too early. Quatre, who had turned to look at Sandrock one final time, gets impailed by two large pieces of shrapnel, one in each leg)
Quatre: (looks at one leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (looks at the other leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (points at one leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (points at the other leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (does a little 'I am in extreme pain' dance) It's in the bone...! It's in the bone...!
(For some reason that I cannot fathom, Quatre survives. He's immune to stab wounds, I suppose...n_n
=============================================================================
And....THAT'S A WRAP!!! I'll add more when I get 20 more ficlet ideas!!!
1. ...I really need to find some constructive ways to make fun of Hilde, Noin, and Dorothy. I'll try to think of some to put in the next 'episode'. Maybe I'll make fun of some minor characters, too. And I need more Relena ideas (uncliche Relena ideas...hey! I think I just got one!!! n_n)
2. To my dearest fans: I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything for a while. Lately, I've been switching from 'Gundam 1/2' to 'Eek! Save My Earth' to 'Epilogue' to this NEW idea, which I've lovingly named 'Pet Peeve'. Sadly, I'll most likely continue to switch between them, but the good news is that they'll probably end up being posted at about the same time. Be patient, and thou shall be satisfied...n_n
3. A challenge: Read all the previous ficlets in 'chibi-talk' and try not to laugh!!!
4. I spelled 'minute' wrong on purpose. lol Sorry if I confused anyone. n_n
by
Nin Tendo
~ Disclaimer ~ You know, the people who actually DO own Gundam Wing missed a lot of opportunities for humor...
(Perverse Ficlets are marked with ***, while Endless Waltz spoilers are marked with @@@. Got it? Got it? Good. n_n)
=============================================================================
Nin: Hey, Dee!!! I just heard this rumor on the internet!!! Trowa's BALD, and he wears a WIG!!!
Dee: No way!!!
Nin: WAY!!!
Dee: Let's go check!!!
Nin: 'Kay!!!
(They dash out the door. Moments later, tortured screams of agony rise in the air.)
Unidentified Voice: LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!
=============================================================================
(Wufei stares at the readers, looking really scared)
Wufei: I see weak people...they're everywhere...they walk around like everyone else...they don't even know that they're weak...
=============================================================================
Duo: Trowa, how do you get your hair to defy gravity like that?
Trowa: Have you ever heard of cow-licks?
(A moose walks in. Trowa walks over and pets it.)
Trowa: Well, I use moose. Lions work well, too.
=============================================================================
(Milliardo/Zechs walks up to a stanger)
Zechs: Hello, my name is...is...um...ah...
(The stranger looks confused)
Zechs: Er...it's on the tip of my tongue....MILLIARDO MERQUISE!!! No, wait, that can't be it...
(The stranger is starting to look weirded out)
Zechs: I got it! It's Zechs Peacecraft!!! No, that's not right...
(The stranger backs away very slowly)
(Zechs turns to Noin, who is trying to look like she doesn't know him)
Zechs: Noin! What's my name again?
Noin: (rolls her eyes) Dumbass.
Zechs: Wait a minnut...(thinks for a 'minnut')...That's not my name!
(He looks back to the stranger, but the poor guy is long gone)
=============================================================================
(Duo is sitting in a dark room, holding four disfigured barbie dolls that look suspiciously like the other G-boys)
Duo: BWAHAHA!!! FOOLS!!! They think they're so hot!!! Now they will comprehend the TRUE horror of messing with (duh, duh, duuuuh!) VOO-DOO DUO!!!
(Duo picks up the doll that looks like Heero)
Duo: You will never die!!! No matter how much you try, YOU WILL SURVIVE!!! BWAHAHA!!!
(Duo picks up the Trowa-doll)
Duo: Trowa!!! You will forever run out of ammunition, resulting in serious future financial problems!!! BWAHAHA!!!
(Duo picks up a very Quatre-like doll)
Duo: YOU will be so sensitive that you will wear PINK, be suspected of being gay, apologize for killing people, and eventually go insane with grief, becoming the infamous WEASEL-BOY!!! BWAHAHA!!!
(Duo picks up the Wufei-doll)
Duo: And YOU, Wufei!!! YOU will be frightened of women for the rest of your life, and will attempt to cover it up by calling them weaklings and unjustified creatures from Planet XXX!!! BWAHAHA!!!
=============================================================================
(Picture Duo on a jackhammer)
Duo: Whao-ao-ao!!! YEE-HA!!! WOO-HOO!!!
(Now picture the poor souls that get in his way, either getting run over, or slapped by his braid)
Duo: SO-R-RY!!! So s-o-o-o-o-o-r-r-y!!!
=============================================================================
(Think of Quatre with a chainsaw)
Quatre: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!
(But, it's too powerful for him!!! It's practically dragging him across the floor!!!)
Quatre: HOW DO I TURN IT OFF?!
(And then...the Maguanacs get in the way!!!)
Quatre: WATCH OUT!!!
Maguanacs: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Quatre: OH, MY GOODNESS!!! I'M SO SORRY, RASHID!!!
Rashid: ....(starts to cry)
(Rashid...is BALD!!!)
=============================================================================
(One day, Heero got ahold of a nailgun)
Heero: (smirks, and points it at Duo) I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Duo: AAAAAAAAAAH!!! (shields himself with a Bible)
(Heero shoots multiple times. Each nail impails the Bible)
Duo: LOOK!!! The Bible really IS 'holey'!!!
=============================================================================
@@@
(The scene where Noin picks up Zechs after he destroys MO-II)
Zechs: (nose buried in book) Is that you, Noin?
Noin: (smiles) I've come to pick you up, Zechs.
(silence decends upon them)
(Noin looks like she's about to say something, but then changes her mind, and says:)
Noin: Zechs, why are you reading? ...I'm trying to talk to you.
Zechs: ...Some smartass decided to put glue in my book. I got really into this one scene, and now my nose is stuck. (He lets go of the book to prove it) I am seriously going to kill someone for this.
(A snicker is heard over the radio com-link. Lo and behold, Duo's face appears)
Duo: Hehehe...hiyah, Zechsy!!! I see that you've gotten yourself a new mask!!! Quite the fashion statement!!!
Zechs: (he has cut eye-holes in the book) MAXWELL!!!
(The pages of the book flutter because of his shout. Zechs gets a lot of paper cuts)
Zechs: OWIE!!!
Duo: BWAHAHA!!! THE GOD OF DEATH LIVES AGAIN!!!
=============================================================================
(Here's something to think about: "Me, myself,...and Trieze")
(The infamous road-trip scene)
Une: Nothing like the open road!!! (bzzzzzzzzz....THWACK!!!)
(The 'cotton-mouth' scene)
Une: These pills give me unbelievable cotton-mouth...(her lips slide over her teeth, making a zipper-like sound)
(Now, imagine three bad-mouthed Mariemeya's sitting on the couch with Une)
Mariemeyas: beep!!! BEEP!!! bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
=============================================================================
(WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING TWO FICLETS INCLUDES ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE ACTING!!!)
Quatre: GASP!!! The house is on fire!!!
Duo: Whatever shall we do?!
Quatre: I don't know, Duo!!! We're three feet from the door!!! We'll never make it!!!
Duo: (bawls) What a lame way to die...
Voice: NEVER FEAR!!!
(Duo and Quatre turn to look at the mysterious person)
(It's HEERO!!! He's wearing a bed-sheet as a make-shift cape, too!!!)
Heero: SUPER HEERO IS HERE!!!
Quatre: ...What a lame name.
Duo: Get an imagination, you creep!!!
(Quatre and Duo walk out of the house, passing a total of fifteen fire-extinguishers. Heero runs after them)
Heero: No, wait! I CAN be a superhero...er, SUPER HEERO!!! I CAN!!!
Quatre/Duo: GET A LIFE!!!
=============================================================================
(LOOK!!! It's an evil villian's hideout!!! OH, NO!!! THEY HAVE ALL THE WORLD'S HAIR CARE PRODUCTS AS HOSTAGES!!! WHO WILL SAVE THE WORLD FROM THIS EVIL PLOT?!)
Evil Man: BWAHAHA!!! NO ONE WILL STOP US NOW!!!
Voice: HALT, FIENDS!!!
Evil Man: GASP!!! Who are YOU?! And how did you manage to break through our crappy defenses?!
Voice: (chuckle) I am....
(A figure steps out of the shadows. It's DUO!!!)
Duo: THE DYNAMIC DUO!!!
Evil Man: HA!!! YOU?! YOU plan to stop us?! One...BOY against my entire evil army?! A scrawny boy, at that!!!
Duo: GRR!!!
Evil Man: BWAHAHA...ha? Wait a moment!!! The kid said "duo"!!! I've seen this episode before!!! You were sent to distract me, while the more powerful, buff man is hidden away in the rafters, waiting to strike!!! Is that it?! Huh?! HA!!! I can see right through you, kid!!!
Duo: ...?
Evil Man: Well, your plan is in ruins!!! SOLDIERS!!! READY, AIM, FIRE!!!
(The evil soldiers fire everthing they have into the rafters. Surely, everything up there is now deceased)
Evil Man: BWAHAHA!!! The day you outwit me, is the day I (creak)...die?
(CRASH!!! THE CEILING HAS CAVED IN ON THE EVIL MAN AND HIS SOLDIERS!!!)
Duo: (cries) No one ever takes me seriously...
=============================================================================
(Uh, I'm not sure if I spelled them right, but a 'duvey' is a really awesome blanket full of feathers, and a 'bedai' is a toilet thing that washes your arse for you, fountain-style!!! n_n)
Duo: IT'S HERE!!!
(Heero, Trowa, and Wufei look up)
Trowa: What's 'here'?
Duo: (smiling, and holding a large crate) My duvey is here!!!
Heero: Why in God's name did you buy a toilet that washes your ass for you?
Duo: I got a DUVEY, not a BEDAI!!!
Wufei: (opens the crate) It's a toilet.
Duo: WHAT?! (looks) DAMMIT!!! They must have mixed up my order or something. (sighs) Well, as long as we have it, we should make use of it. (He sets it up in the bathroom)
(A few minutes later, a flush is heard, followed by a loud shout)
Voice: What the F*CK?!
Duo: ...I guess no one bothered to tell Quatre...
=============================================================================
@@@
*** (Now, this one IS perverted. REALLY perverted. STAY AWAY!!!)
(The scene where Sally knocks out the guards with nerve gas {or whatever}. I want some of that!!! n_n)
(Sally leans over, and lets loose a really rank one. lol)
M&M Soldier: ARGH!!! What's that SMELL?!
(M&M Soldier swaggers around, trying to remain conscious)
(Sally walks around the corner)
Sally: I'm sorry, but I have to put you to sleep for a mo--
(The M&M Soldier lurches forward, grabbing Sally's breasts in a daze)
Sally: EEEEEEEEEK!!! RAPE!!! PERVERT!!!
(Sally pummels the poor M&M Soldier with a mallet that has mysteriously appeared in her hands)
=============================================================================
@@@
(The scene where Catherine and 'Manager' chuckle are being held hostage)
(Catherine is banging on the walls, screaming, and running over everyone)
Catherine: LET ME OUT!!! I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! I KNEW THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN TROWA'S CHILI!!!
=============================================================================
(Heero is busy typing on his labtop. Duo runs up, and practically screams in his ear)
Duo: Whacha doin', Heero?!
Heero: (answers so Duo would go away) I am typing up my essay for school.
Duo: What's it about?!
Heero: (starting to get irritated) My essay is about which procedures are the best way to attain ultimate peace.
Duo: So which procedure do you support?! I betcha that you're gonna say pasifism, like your GIRLFRIEND!!!
Heero: (DEATH GLARE(tm))
Duo: You didn't deny it!!! Man, you're really stuck on her, aren't cha?! When's the weddin'?!
Heero: I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Duo: What?! You wanna fight?! C'mon!!! I'm ready fo' ya!!! Gimme your best shot!!!
(Suddenly, all the anger vanishes from Heero, and he smiles pleasently)
Duo: (caught off guard) Wha?! (His defense falls through)
(Heero punches him in the stomach)
Duo: No...my Achillies Heel...(collapses)
Heero: I keep telling you to eat healthy food, but you don't listen.
Duo: Can I have some sympathy here?
Heero: ...No.
=============================================================================
(Does anybodu recognize this? ...It's a commercial...n_n)
(Quatre, reading a newspaper, sits down in his armchair. A fart is heard. Quatre look around, confused)
(Scene switches)
(Trowa site down at the kitchen table, reading a book. A fart is heard. Trowa absently removed the Whoopie cushion from the chair, and puts it on the table)
(Scene switcheroo)
(Wufei sits at his desk to finish his homework. A fart is heard. Wufei sees red)
(Scene switchermaggiger)
Wufei: (offscreen) MAXWELL!!!
Duo: (offscreem) WHAT?! I'M ON THE TOILET!!! A LITTLE PRIVACY, PLEASE?!
Heero: (snickers while sipping his Lipton Chicken Noodle soup)
Announcer: Kids never get tired of what they like.
Singers: (offscreen) Yummy, yummy, yummy...
=============================================================================
Duo: Hey, Quatre!!! Did you hear about--
Quatre: The person who's been setting zoo animals free? Yes, I've heard. Trowa refuses to leave the circus animals by themselves, and it's all he talks about.
Duo: Really? ...I suspected that Trowa was the one doing it.
Quatre: Nope. He was busy setting up another security system during the last 'attack'.
Duo: I wonder who's doing it then...
(Scene switches to a zoo, where a man is letting birds out of their cages)
Trieze: Be FREE!!! FREE!!! (cackle)
=============================================================================
*** (...KINDA perverted)
(Okay, pretend that Mr. Winner dies like Mr. Dorlain did)
Quatre: FATHER!!!
Mr. Winner: Quatre...I have a confession to make...I'm not your biological father...
Quatre: But...what are you saying...? I don't understand...
Mr. Winner: Your mother got sick of my low sperm count, and had an affair with Instructor H...
(Mr. Winner dies)
Quatre: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Hey...maybe THAT'S why Quatre went insane...hmmm...n_n)
=============================================================================
(I'm assuming that most of you have seen "Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls". If not...watch it. It's so stupid, it's funny!!! n_n)
(The scene where Sandrock self-detonates. It goes smoothly...until Sandrock blew up WAY too early. Quatre, who had turned to look at Sandrock one final time, gets impailed by two large pieces of shrapnel, one in each leg)
Quatre: (looks at one leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (looks at the other leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (points at one leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (points at the other leg) AAAAAAAH!!! (does a little 'I am in extreme pain' dance) It's in the bone...! It's in the bone...!
(For some reason that I cannot fathom, Quatre survives. He's immune to stab wounds, I suppose...n_n
=============================================================================
And....THAT'S A WRAP!!! I'll add more when I get 20 more ficlet ideas!!!
1. ...I really need to find some constructive ways to make fun of Hilde, Noin, and Dorothy. I'll try to think of some to put in the next 'episode'. Maybe I'll make fun of some minor characters, too. And I need more Relena ideas (uncliche Relena ideas...hey! I think I just got one!!! n_n)
2. To my dearest fans: I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything for a while. Lately, I've been switching from 'Gundam 1/2' to 'Eek! Save My Earth' to 'Epilogue' to this NEW idea, which I've lovingly named 'Pet Peeve'. Sadly, I'll most likely continue to switch between them, but the good news is that they'll probably end up being posted at about the same time. Be patient, and thou shall be satisfied...n_n
3. A challenge: Read all the previous ficlets in 'chibi-talk' and try not to laugh!!!
4. I spelled 'minute' wrong on purpose. lol Sorry if I confused anyone. n_n