TITLE: Deluge
AUTHOR: clarrie
DISCLAIMER: Obviously don't own Giles, Wesley, Buffy and the Scooby gang. Alice Boston and others are mine, most of the info about watchers and the watchers council was made up by me and is based on my interpretation of it as an institution.
All witchy stuff made up by me and bares little resemblance to say, Wicca or any of the other old faiths.
Lines taken from 'Vicious' By Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground.
RATING: about a 12 or PG13, some swearing and innuendo but no orgies or misuse of small furry animals
SPOILERS: mild up to mid season 3, but as if faith and the mayor had not existed and Anya and Xander had got together earlier. Does include Wesley character though.
At the time of story Oz had ginger hair.


'Xander, do you want tea?' Giles rubbed his throat, maybe he was coming down with a cold. His voice sounded odd inside his head and his back really ached. He rubbed the small of his back with the palms of his hands. 'Xander?'
Xander held Thurgood up to his face. 'Kissy kissy.' He watched his wrigly little nose and his little pink ears. 'Who's my little baby? You are, yes you are.' He sighed.
'Xander, I made you some tea. I know that you didn't say that you wanted any but…' Giles looked up from the tea tray. His jaw dropped, followed closely by the tray.
Two high screams split the air.

This was fun…


Alice tore out of the office. 'What? What's wrong? Oh Gosh.' Alice stared at Giles and Xander, 'Is there something you'd like to tell me?'
'I, I, I, I Don't,' Giles stuttered. 'What happened?'
'You're women.'
'Did you do this? Change us back. Now. Alice, I'm not joking.'
'You think I did this?' Alice laughed. 'If I could do this Squiz I would have done it before now.' She looked introspective for a moment. 'Gosh I'd be doing it every time I was a bit bored to be honest.'
'I can't let any of the students see us like this!'
'As the dean said to the actress… I'm joking, I'm joking' Alice chuckled quietly. 'I'll lock the door'.
'What are we going to do?' Xander broke out of his shock induced silence. 'I mean what, No, this is too Weird Science. This is like the Kenan and Kel version of the hellmouth.'
'Giles? Is there anyone in there?'
Alice turned to the door. 'The library's closed.'
'It's me, Buffy.'
'You had better let her in Alice. She'll have to find out at some point.'
Alice opened the door, 'What will I have to find out, is it bad? What happened?' Buffy entered the library followed by Willow and Oz, and behind them Cordelia. 'Ewwww… What is wrong with you freaks!'
'Giles? Xander? Something we should know?'
'Well that's the second time we've heard that joke today.'
'What happened? I mean assuming this wasn't a personal choice thing?'
Giles glared at Willow who was giggling. 'I don't find this in the least amusing'.
Oz strolled around the table. 'Giles you are stacked.'
'Stacked?' Alice, laughing, bent and whispered into Gile's ear.
'Oh for God's sake!' Giles crossed his arms self consciously across his chest and scowled.
'We've got to do something, I can't be a woman. I had a date with Anya on Friday.' Xander rested his head in his hands. ' Living on a hellmouth really sucks.'
'There, there.' Willow patted his shoulder affectionately. 'You have very nice hair.'
'Nice hair?' Xander's face fell. 'That's chickspeak for cow. I'm a cow aren't I?'
Buffy bit her lip. 'Honestly?'
Xander nodded
'A bit. Yeah.'
Xander rested his head on his arms. 'I'm not even pretty…'
'You're stacked as well Xander.'
'I don't think appearances are really the first thing we should be worrying about just now.'
'Anyway.' Alice paused. 'You both look much as you did before, only with long hair and bosoms'. She smiled. 'Speaking of which, Squirrel we have to get you in a skirt dear, you look like a pre-war lesbian…'

They chattered and spun in the darkness of the deserted library. This was much more fun than the market.


'Explain to me again what we're doing?'
Giles and Xander huddled inside the doorway glaring shiftily about them. Their hair was soaked from the rain and they were stooped from the discomfort of their brand new acquisitions. 'I'd much prefer just to go home.'
Alice hastily finished her cigarette. 'It's all very well for you to say that Squirrel dear you live alone, but what about Xander? I'm quite sure his family would be, well, startled I think is a good starting point.'
'Oh!' Willow hand flew to her mouth. 'You can't go home Giles.'
'What, why can't. I'll do what I want. I'm my own man, woman, Man damn it.'
'You live in the same building as Mrs Goldman. It'd be all around the school that you were cutting class to dress as a woman.' Buffy smiled, 'Looks like we'll be welcoming two more members into the Summers house of freaks.'
She opened the door and they tramped sullenly into the lounge. Mrs Summers stared. 'Giles? Xander? Something you'd like to….'
'Was men, women now, long story, hate life.' Xander slumped on to the sofa. 'And for the record Joyce although that's the third time that we have heard that joke I still fail to see the humour in the situation'…

As darkness fell the rain still lashed against the houses of Sunnydale.
To the residents born and bred in the dry sunshine of the small Californian suburb it was an unprecedented monsoon, a flood no less devastating than The Flood. They drove carefully along the waterlogged roads, shut themselves in their warm dry houses and listened to the ceaseless drumming of the rain…
Flushed from their hiding places in the sewers and tombs, the vampires of Sunnydale shivered in the cold and damp, vulnerable during the day, cold and hungry during the night, they clung together. Wet, Cold, hungry and angry …


If this were a film the following would be a montage scene of Xander and Giles trying on various grossly unsuitable styles of female clothing, set to a jaunty if rather literal pop song, possibly 'Vogue' by Madonna or 'Fashion' by the pet shop boys.
But this isn't a film, it's fan fiction, so all you need to know is that Giles is now wearing a heavily altered tweed skirt suit borrowed from Alice whilst Xander is resplendent in a pair of Willow's jeans and a delightful figure hugging woollen top of Cordelia's, Bra and pants for both were supplied by 'Inner things' of Sunnydale mall.
'Well, what's the feminine form of Rupert?'
Alexandra (My friends call me Xandy) frowned in concentration. 'Ooh! Petra.'
'Perhaps, if I had been turned into a two dollar hooker.'
'Miaouw.'
'Miss Summers this not a joke, and frankly I think that my choice of name is not the most important matter at hand.'
'Janet?'
'No, God, can't you come up with anything that doesn't sound like a…'
'Gillian!' Willow smiled, 'That's the feminine of Giles I think, that kind of you suits you.'
Giles frowned. ' I cannot understand the need for a feminine name, I personally do not intend to let anyone see me like this, and I can't see why I shouldn't continue to be addressed in the same manner by … It's not funny!'
Mrs Summers entered the lounge carrying the telephone. 'Willow, It's your mom. She say's 'what time is it that you intend to get home, as they've been waiting for an hour and she wants to know whether to freeze your dinner or not.'
Willow's hand flew to her mouth. ' I was meant to be home at eight!' She turned to leave, 'Bye Mrs Summers, Buff, Bye Alice, Bye Xand. Good luck Gillian.' She giggled helplessly. 'Sorry. Oz do you want to drive me home?'
Oz and Willow left in a pair, a delicate balance of helpless giggling and ironic detachment.
'That reminds me, Xander? Shouldn't you give your parents a call?'
'MmmmMmmHblmmm, Mrs Summers.' Xandy put down her sandwich. 'I'll do that now.'
'Yes, we have to think of a plausible excuse. Now what would Mrs Harris find a believable reason for Xander leaving home for a few days?'
'Hi mom, it's me, Xander. Alexander, Your son? No, your youngest son. I won't be home for a few days ok? Ok bye.' Xandy put down the phone and picked up his sandwich.
'Gosh.' Alice grinned. 'Well that's sorted.'
Mrs Summers yawned. ' Alice, I'm not going to pretend I understand all this, but I'm beat. Do you want to figure out the sleeping arrangements?' She blinked heavily. ' I'm going to hit the hay.'
Alice turned to Xandy and Gillian, ' Loathe as I am to chuck in at such an unsociable hour, I personally wouldn't send a dog out in this weather. So we might as well catch some Z's.' She thought for a moment. 'Squirrel. You can take the camp bed in my room,'
'And I'll bunk up with my gal pal Buffy here.' Xandy gave Buffy's shoulder a, well we'll call it a friendly squeeze and leave it at that.
'No you won't dear you'll sleep on the sofa in the front room…'
Muttering darkly on the subject of bossy, suspicious minded, Englishwomen, Xandy curled up on the sofa in the Summers front room. He fed small chunks of left over sandwich to Thurgood, until, eventually, sleep claimed him.


A cold wind blew through Sunnydale, sweeping the rain in sheets against the undersides of the bridges and overhanging rocks in which they had sought shelter. Trapped in Sunnydale by the now flowing water of the Sunnydale river the vampires fumed in their homeless state, clustered together around flaming braziers and haphazard campfires they tried to dry out their ragged clothing and cold bodies.
A figure watched from the shadows. He had known, he had waited, and now the time had come. He breathed deeply, more out of habit than necessity, and fingered the pendant which hung around his neck. A dark wood crucifix, given to him some three hundred years ago he had broken it in two to destroy it's shape rather than give up wearing it. Few people noticed that it was incomplete, and even fewer were told of it. He closed his eyes in anticipation and stepped forward.


'Squirrel? Are you awake?'
'No.'
'There's no need to be like that.' Alice lay silent in the dark for a moment. 'It's a bit like being back at school this isn't it?'
'A little.'
'Sharing a room with someone else. Some one you aren't… Well.'
'Sharing a bathroom was the worst.'
'Gosh yes.'
'Prep.'
'Hmm. Wasn't all bad though.'
'Camaraderie on the playing fields.'
'Midnight feasts.'
'Learning the traditions.'
'Sneaking out after lights out and cycling to the RAF base in the next village.'
Gillian lay silent in the darkness for a moment. 'You had quite an adventurous girlhood didn't you Alice?'


'People!' The crowd of vampires turned towards him and growled angrily. 'Listen to me.' He stood exposed before their enraged stares. 'Nothing happens without a reason brethren, and I have come to tell you that there is a reason for our suffering. You might not want to hear what I tell you, but that does not prevent it from being true brothers. We have lived alongside, No…' He slammed his hand down upon the crate. 'Beneath, man for too long. We have allowed ourselves to become lazy, we have told ourselves that to snatch one or two among a crowd of hundreds is enough, We have become weak.' He buried his face in his hands. ' Oh I hear you scoff brothers, I hear you tell me that you are not less than those who sired you' He lowered his voice.' But if that is true- WHY ARE YOU HERE!' He spat the words with venom. 'Why are you here? You crowd together like a litter of kittens separated to early from their dame, you shiver and moan from hunger WHY?' He hissed through his teeth, 'Why are you not inside their homes, feeding on their young?' The silent crowd followed his every word and movement. He paused for a moment and basked in their adoring hush. 'Because you are afraid' He spoke in a hoarse whisper.
' Because you cannot even trust your own any more.'
He watched a murmur of agreement spread across the crowd. 'Brethren, we have been betrayed. But we will be avenged.' He spread his arms wide. ' You ask me how we can become strong again Father? And I will tell you.' His voice rose over the excited chatter of the crowd. 'There must be a sacrifice. The Angel of death must be destroyed…'


'Wakey, wakey. Hands off, oh well you haven't got … But hands on socks anyway.' Alice threw open the living room curtains. 'Just because you're not going to school, you needn't think I'm letting you sleep in all day.'
Xandy groaned and twisted deeper into the blanket. 'Don't wanna…Oof.' Alice, unused to the finer points of rousing a teenager from sleep, had taken the initiative and kicked him from his sofa based slumber.
'Come on sleepy. We're going over to Wesley's.'
'What?'
Alice secured her rain hat to her head with further hair pins. 'Well we can't stay sulking around here all day, and I'm jolly sure that Squirrel can't go to the library.'
'But I…'
'Come on you two, Willow's said she'll research for us all morning. So let's get over there.' She grabbed her handbag. 'Come on.'


Wesley's apartment was small and cramped. By far the greater part of his décor seemed to be from the sparse and functional school of interior design favoured by students and lone males throughout the world. From a nail in the wall hung a scarf in his university colours and on a sofa in an unexciting shade of green sat two grumpy and involuntary transsexuals.
'So why are they, I mean, that is assuming it's not a personal…'
Gillian glared darkly at Wesley. 'Do you know that joke just gets funnier and funnier.'
'Ignore 'em Wes.' Alice cleared a space on one of the multi-functional pieces of furniture and sat down, thus ensuring that at least one of it's functions was a seat. 'He doesn't know why they're like that and it's driving him mad.' She sifted through her handbag and drew out a packet of cigarettes. ' Gosh, 'Clouds'. These'll whiff the place out.' Lighting up she turned to the group. 'Young Willow is researching as we speak, She'll get something on it I'm sure. Soon too I bet, In fact I bet you all a fiver that she'll come knocking on that door in less than a minute.'
There was a knock at the door.
'See.'
'You saw her through the window didn't you Raleigh.'
Wesley squeezed through the crowd in his tiny living room space, the door opened inwards, crushing him against the wall. 'Miss Rosenburg, erm, Oz.'
'Hi, Alice, Xandy, Gillian…' At which point our old friend Mr Helpless-Giggle returned to the scene, 'I'm sorry you just … I'm not used to … With the….'
'Is Buffy with you Willow?' Gillian had perked up slightly at the sight of his one competent researcher and even the constant hilarity with which Willow was greeting his current state could not bring him down from the giddy heights of 'not actually wanting to chew his own leg off' which he was currently occupying. 'Did you inform her of our whereabouts?'
'Inform her of our whereabouts, Gosh, you can't just say did you tell her we were at Wesley's'
'I think you'll find that I actually used less words Alice.'
'Well, mine were shorter…'
'Children, children…' Xandy motioned for order, 'Enough with the bickering. I think when it gets to the point where I'm occupying the post of silent sensible one we're all in trouble.'
'He's right.'
'Oh thanks…'
'Buffy's not with you Willow, we can all see that by now. Do you have any idea where she may be?'
'Buffy? Oh she's with… She took a different route.'
Willow gasped as Angel appeared silently behind her, 'We came in through the basement.'
Buffy appeared soaked and unsmiling beside him. She removed her shoe and emptied it onto the floor. 'It was flooded.' She wrung her hair out into the sink and pointed at Angel who was hovering in the doorway. 'You have to invite him in Wesley, remember?'
'Oh, yes, um, that is, please come in.' Wesley stuttered. Angel stepped across the threshold and scanned the room for somewhere to sit. Finding none he stood.
'So, Willow,' Alice grinned. ' What did you find out?'

He gazed at the patch of light, searing through the gap in the brickwork of the tunnel, it glimmered on the dark surface of the water. A minute reminder of the weakness that they were all pray to, the burning touch of light.
He lay on his pallet of stone consumed with frustration, that even a light as weak as that which was seeping through the clouds gathered above Sunnydale would mean death. Whilst lesser beings walked and talked and …Existed.
He pressed the mangled crucifix deep into his palm, tonight they would plan and tomorrow ...There would be a sacrifice.

'Nothing?'
They stared in amazement at Willow. 'You didn't find anything at all?'
'Oh I found stuff I mean if you type in 'Ocult' and 'sex-change' into a search engine you're bound to find something. But it was mostly illegal and or unpleasant rather than useful.' Willow smiled apologetically. 'I checked a lot of the books as well, but I couldn't find anything relevant. I think it's a catch twenty-two, you don't know what did this so you don't know how to find out about them. Sorry.'
'Then,' Giles held his head in his hands. 'This is serious, I mean, I, well on the, the one hand no one is, in fact dead. And yet, at least a death has, that is it has in it's favour it is, in fact, fairly easily explained. Whilst spontaneous sexual migration is, of course, not.'
'That's it,' Alice rolled up her sleeves, a determined look upon her face. 'Wesley, do you own such a thing as a saucepan?'
'What, what are you going to do?' Gillian looked concerned 'Alice?'
'I'm calling Kristof.'
'You, you can't there's no… I mean no one's actually dead it's not…there's not even enough room'
'Nonsense,' Alice rested her hands on her hips, 'it's obviously driving you mad being in that state, and the odd boy hasn't even mentioned the girl's locker rooms, so I can see that it's affected him deeply.' Xandy shrugged noncommittally. 'We've failed to find a reason for this, so I'm calling Kristof.' She took up a solid stance and held up her arms. 'Wesley, be ready with that saucepan would you?'
'Kristof avanti venuto disossate il idle maledite o basterò per voi..'
There was a feeling, like that of being in an aircraft while it is taking off, Buffy put her hands up to her temples as the pressure increased, until suddenly, and with an anticlimactic small 'pop'. The rising pressure stopped.
'Wat! You wan wat? Is bizzy!' In the centre of the room stood, what at first glance appeared to be a small greasy butcher, possibly practising for his eastern European stereotype of the year bid. 'Iss bizzy. Wat?'
Alice sighed wearily. 'Kristof, you've been wandering the earth since before the days of man. I really do think you could improve your grasp of the English language.'
'Iss bizzy, with girrrrl.' He chuckled, a liquid, tobacco choked sound that made Sid James sound like a member of the Young Christians association.
'Kristof, this isn't like the Prague thing is it?'
'I haff no knowleg of Prague. Posiibly this iss an different Kristof.'
'I think we can take that as a yes. Lucky for her we called you then.' Alice set her jaw. 'Kristof, we've got a question.'
'Iss thiss wat I get? This iss the respect of being the demon now? Wat is happen to 'Oh great demon we abjure thee to our cause?' Wat is happen to ' Oh dark lord of the fiery acres give unto us thy knowledge'?'
'Kristof, do you want a fag?'
'I chew, where is tobacco and ale and meat?' Kristof looked down at the floor in disgust. 'Where is circle of containment!' He made a small hopping movement. 'See, see I jump. Kristof is jumping at peoples. Grr!'
'Wesley dear.'
Wesley swung the saucepan down hard on what should have been Kristof's head, Tom and Jerry style, but due to Wesley's nervousness and Kristof's 'jumping at peoples' it was actually more in the stomach region.
Kristof fell to the floor wheezing horribly.
'Good work dear.' Alice took the saucepan from Wesley's hands and stood over Kristof brandishing it threateningly. 'We need to know why this has happened to Rupert and Alexander. You're going to tell us, and if you're a good boy you can tell us standing up. How does that suit you?'
'Wat, wat has happened to these? Jah?' Kristof stumbled coughing to his feet. ' It iss tengu ok. They mischievyous, theys iss basssards.'
'Language Kristof!'
' Theys is liking the water. Escaped from box at riffer. OK? Tengu they is liking water always. But do not be feeding them after midnight!' Kristof gurgled happily. 'I joke! I joke!'
'Tremendously funny it was too Kristof, but can you tell us anything else?'
'They iss not to worry ok? Tengu haff not big magic. Iss wear off, not a long time. But you gets those Tengu Missus Boston ok? Bassards. Can go now?'
'Miss Boston if you please Kristof, and yes, you can go.' With a rather disappointing lack of sulphur tinged smoke and flame Kristof disappeared.
'Well, who buries Tengu at a river!' Gillian pursed his lips.
'Um, what just happened here?' Buffy gave a puzzled frown. 'I mean, was he like 'demon in charge of involuntary sex changes' or what?'
'Kristof, an almost omnipresent knowledge, unfortunately with no actual intelligence to bind it together.' Gillian snorted. 'One refrains from making an unfavourable comparison to the internet at this point.'
'I won him in a poker game.' Alice took a drag on her cigarette and stared introspectively at the glowing end. ' I mean, well the person he was bound to before lost him in a poker game. I think, had I known, I would have taken the camel.' She clapped her hands together and snapped back into action. ' So, well, gosh. At least we know who did it now. As the Mother Superior said to the red headed salesman.'
'So all we can do is wait?'
'But, you heard him, they have not big magic, that's good right? Right?'
Xandy stared sullenly at the floor. 'Yeah, well excuse me if I don't immediately break into the happy dance Will...'