~ Belonging ~ Chapter 3 ~
Dawn woke up first and yawned. Spike still lay next to her, tangled in the bedsheets. She smiled at the sight of the sleeping vampire. He was so perfect. Dawn felt sure that she would be attracted to him, even if he wasn't a vampire. That fact only intrigued her more.
She got up and put her robe on. She headed for the kitchen to make coffee. She closed all the drapes in the living room. She wouldn't want poor Spike to combust when he finally stumbled out here.
She started the coffee and went to get into the shower. She glanced at the clock, it was almost noon. Luckily she didn't have to be at work until two. As she stepped into the shower, she failed to hear the phone ringing.
Spike was awakened by the incessant ringing. He was dazed and did not remember where he was at first. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the phone.
"What the bloody hell do you want?" He said angrily. He was having a wonderful dream that he was making love to a beautiful, dark haired goddess of a woman named Dawn. He didn't like the interruption.
The caller on the other end was completely silent. He suddenly got his bearings and realized that it had been no dream. He had been with Dawn last night, and he was still in her bed. He then realized that he had picked up her phone and now the caller was not saying anything.
"Oh… my… god…Spike?" He heard Buffy's angry voice ring out through the phone.
Spike panicked at first. Hearing Buffy's familiar angry tone again brought back so many memories. He wasn't sure what to do. He never should have answered the bloody phone.
"Sorry you have the wrong number." He said trying to fake an American accent, as he slammed the phone down.
Buffy held the phone away from her face and stared at it completely puzzled.
"What's wrong, Buff?" Brandon asked her. "Was your sister not home?"
"Uh, I don't know. That was just the strangest thing. I could have sworn I dialed right, but that voice…." She said lost in thought. The fake accent that he used to try and cover up hadn't fooled her. She would remember that cockney accent anywhere. Spike was at Dawn's apartment. Buffy panicked and threw the phone down.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Brandon asked concerned.
"I have to get to Dawn. I think she might be in trouble." Buffy said as she opened the hall closet and pulled out her bad of slaying accessories.
"What do you need that stuff for? Is there a vampire at Dawn's house?" Brandon knew all about Buffy's calling and was supportive. He also knew that she had given it up just before they met. It wasn't like her to break out the crosses and stakes, unless it was an emergency.
"That's what I intend to find out." She said throwing her bag over her shoulder and heading out the door.
"Be careful!" Brandon called out to her. Since he had known her, she had killed several vampires. Mostly just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But she had never gone out looking for them. She said that patrolling was best left to Amanda, the new Slayer. This sort of thing was unprecedented and Brandon hoped that she knew what she was doing.
Dawn emerged from the shower to find Spike fully dressed and pacing around the bedroom.
"Good morning, or should I say afternoon." She said coming up behind him and kissing his neck.
Spike swung around to face her.
"Buffy called. She's coming over." He said nervously.
He knew that she was on her way. He sensed that she clearly recognized him and he knew that Buffy would be here any minute to make sure he wasn't violating her sister. Part of him was happy to see her again, and would gain some pleasure in rubbing her nose in the fact that he knew her sister intimately. But he was also a little scared. Buffy would probably not hesitate to stake him if she knew.
"What? She's coming here? Why did you answer the phone? This isn't good." Dawn said throwing her robe down and rummaging through her closet.
"I know! I didn't mean to. I forgot where I was. I tried to cover, but I know she recognized me." He said nervously lighting a cigarette.
Dawn grabbed it out of his hand and took a long drag. She handed it back.
"It's too soon. This wasn't how I planned it." Dawn said shaking her head.
"Wait, you planned this?" Spike said with his anger mounting.
"Well, not like this. I mean, as soon as I saw you last night, I knew my prayers had been answered. Everything was going to be perfect. I wanted Buffy to find out, but I had something better in mind. Like her wedding day." Dawn said with an evil grin.
"Her wedding day? You wanted to spring this bit o' news on big sis at her wedding?" He couldn't believe his ears. Dawn was truly diabolical. Her rift with Buffy obviously ran deeper that he realized. He was beginning to love this girl.
"Yes, why should she get to have the fairytale, when I get nothing, all because of her? Oh well, now I guess I'll just have to go with the flow." She said sighing. "Does this outfit look okay?" She asked modeling a red sundress.
"Sure, looks great, Luv." He said absently. "Buffy is going to kill me, you realize?"
"No she won't. She already killed one of my boyfriends, she'd never do it again. Not if I have anything to say about it." Dawn said bitterly.
"Does she realize how much you despise her?" He asked.
Dawn shook her head. "No. But she destroyed the only man I ever loved. How would you expect me to feel? She thinks I forgave her, but I can't. I want her to feel hurt like I did."
"So that's what this is? Revenge? You're using me to get back at Buffy?" He asked incredulously.
"Yes." She said quickly.
Spike's expression faded into one of disappointment. He had actually thought Dawn had cared for him. He was stupid. He should have listened to himself when he decided to cut all ties to humans.
Dawn noticed his fallen expression and felt guilty.
"That's not what I mean, Spike. I do care about you and I have thought about you for years. The fact that Buffy would be hurt and angry was only a bonus. That wasn't all I was after. I want you." She said trying to explain.
"Sure, Luv." He said still hurt by her admission.
"I do, Spike, I swear. Last night wasn't just about revenge. It was about us. You and me. Together like I always imagined. Besides, you can't tell me you you're not feeling just a little bit excited by the fact Buffy is gonna flip over this." She smiled at him while taking his hands in her own.
He had to admit that it was true. He nodded his head.
"Well, I suppose it doesn't hurt…" He said still thinking about it.
Just then, they heard a frantic pounding on the door.
"Dawn!" They heard Buffy shouting in the hallway.
"Right on cue." Dawn said rolling her eyes.
She went to answer the door. She opened it abruptly and saw Buffy poised with a stake in her hand, ready for a fight.
"Dawn!" She said, lowering the stake and embracing her sister. "My god, I thought you were in trouble. I called and I thought that someone was here…" She began rambling on, still clutching onto Dawn.
"Someone like me, Slayer?" Spike asked with a smirk on his face, as he emerged from the bedroom.
Buffy let go of Dawn and raised her stake again.
"You. I knew it was you. What the hell do you think you're doing here? Trying to get to me, Spike? Forget it." She spat at him. Then turned to Dawn. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"
Dawn rolled her eyes again and walked over to Spike and put her arms around him. She looked pointedly at Buffy and smiled.
"Oh, he's over you, Buffy. Way over you. Isn't that right, Spike?" She said as she kissed him on the cheek and looked back over at Buffy.
Spike couldn't contain his pleasure at watching Buffy's face turn into a mask of disgust and horror. He couldn't help himself. Maybe this would be fun after all. As long as she didn't kill him.
Buffy charged over to where they were standing and raised her stake to Spike.
"Tell me why I shouldn't just kill you right now? You're sickening. Taking advantage of my sister? You have really done it this time, Spike." She hissed at him.
Spike just looked at her, unflinching. Dawn stepped between them.
"Put your stake down, Buffy. Unless you want to kill someone else that I love." She said glaring at Buffy.
Buffy lowered her stake and a tear sprung to her eye. Carlos. Why was Dawn bringing that up now? That was in the past. Besides, Dawn couldn't love Spike. That was insane.
"What? Love? Spike?" Buffy's words tumbled out in confusion.
"That's right, Buff, I love Spike. Maybe you never wanted him, but I did." She said with tears in her eyes.
Spike put his arm around Dawn. Buffy shuddered at the sight.
"Dawn, please. You can't love Spike. Why do you always have to be so self destructive? Why can't you just find a nice normal guy?" She asked with true concern over her sister.
"Oh, what? Like Brandon? You don't really love him, Buffy. You just want to pretend that you're normal. He doesn't make you happy, not the way Angel did, and you know it." Dawn said angrily.
"Stop it. Angel is gone. I don't even know where he is. I'm thirty years old Dawn, I want a family. Brandon can give me all the things I always wanted." She said defending herself. "Don't you want that too? Being with a vampire can only lead to heartache. There is no future. "
"You're just saying that because Angel was cursed. Do you really think you wouldn't still be with him if he wasn't? See Spike doesn't have any limitations." She said smirking evilly at Buffy. "He proved that last night."
Buffy reached back and slapped Dawn across the face, and gasped at her own actions.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Dawn." She said with tears in her eyes. "I didn't mean to…"
She didn't know why she had done it, but Dawn had struck a raw nerve. And the thought of her baby sister doing unspeakable things with Spike made her nauseous.
"Don't touch her." Spike said standing up to Buffy. He knew he couldn't hurt her, but at that moment, he wanted to.
Dawn held her cheek and tried to soothe the sting caused by her sisters hand.
Buffy began sobbing at her own actions.
"Please, Dawn. I only want what's best for you. That's all I ever wanted. Spike is not good enough for you. I don't want you to ruin your life." She pleaded.
"Just get out, Buffy." She told her.
"I'm sorry, please…Don't do this Dawn." Buffy pleaded.
"I can make my own decisions now, Buffy. I won't let you run Spike out of town again like last time. I want you to leave and I don't want to speak to you again!" Dawn screamed at her.
Buffy turned and walked sadly out the door. She turned back imploringly one last time before Dawn slammed the door in her face.
Dawn's hatred dissolved into despair. She broke down and cried in Spike's arms.
"It's okay, Luv." He said, trying to soothe her.
He had been hurt earlier by the notion that she may be using him to get back at her sister, but something inside of him couldn't help but feel affection for this girl.
She was so lost and still so innocent, despite the confident, seductive face she had shown him last night. Here was a girl whose first fourteen years of life had been a complete lie. A figment of everyone's imagination. Now here she was, human and frail, trying desperately to avenge her lover's death against the sister that so obviously loved her.
She was twenty-four, but in some ways she was much younger. Her first years weren't even real, she had had to start from scratch. Instead of living the life that was created for her by some nameless and faceless monks, she was desperately trying to create a new life. One where she was in control. She wanted a place in the world to call her own. Much like he did.
"Sometimes, I just can't stand her." She sobbed into Spike's shirt.
"I know, I feel the same way." He said softly to her. "But I think that she means well." He couldn't believe he was actually defending Buffy to Dawn, but he knew that Buffy thought she was doing the right thing, even if he didn't believe it himself.
He wasn't going to hurt Dawn. He had always cared for her, and now that caring had turned to something deeper. He may still be soulless, but he was all too capable of emotions and love. And even though being good was a constant work in progress, he was nothing if not completely loyal to those he loved. And he was beginning to realize that he had fallen quickly and deeply in love with Dawn.
He had always been foolish in the ways of the heart. It didn't take him long to fall in love but unfortunately it took much longer to fall out. He silently cursed himself for letting Dawn into his heart so hastily, and only hoped that she truly felt the same. He couldn't bear the thought of being used.
"So what did you think of her, Spike? Is she the same as you expected?" She asked wiping her eyes and jostling him out of deep thought.
"She seemed like the same girl I remember, only a little older." He said thinking of Buffy now. Seeing her had still been unsettling, even though he had prepared himself for it.
She still had the same stubborn personality and fierce hatred of him, that much was obvious. But her looks had not faded or changed much. She wore her hair a little shorter than the last time he saw her. More like it was when he first met her. Her clothes were the biggest change.
At thirty, he supposed she was trying to achieve a more mature look. Gone were the mini skirts and funky tops. She wore a reserved white shirt with black slacks. He had to admit that on her, anything looked good.
"You still love her, don't you?" Dawn asked him as she pulled away and sat down on the sofa. She took a cigarette out of Spike's jacket that was lying next to her, and lit it up.
Spike thought about it for a moment and sighed as he sat down next to her.
"I thought I did, I mean, honestly, I have never stopped thinking about her. But, seeing her today…I just don't know." He said seriously.
"That's okay if you do." She said taking along drag off her cigarette. "Everybody always loved Buffy. Carlos was the first person who didn't care about her at all. When I walked into a room, he couldn't see anyone else but me. If it wasn't for her, I'd still have that." She said sadly.
Spike looked at her tenderly. He smiled and brushed her hair out of her face.
"You know, when Buffy walked in here today, I thought I would go mad. I expected all the feelings I had carried with me for so long, to consume me again. But you know what?" He said to her.
"What?" She asked unhappily, not wishing to hear another glowing recount of Buffy's many charms.
"I couldn't see anyone but you." He told her.
Another tear came to her eye and she smiled at him.
"Oh, Spike…" She said kissing him gently.
"Carlos was a lucky man." He told her and she smiled. "So, Luv, how long were you with him?"
"Almost four years. I was seventeen when we met, and Buffy found out soon after, that he was a vampire. She forbid me to see him, but I didn't listen to her. We did everything in secret. He was the one who picked out most of this furniture and stuff. This was our home. That's why I have such heavy drapes." She smiled at the memory.
Spike smiled at her. It explained a lot about the décor. He also understood fully why there was no love lost between her and Buffy. Four years was a long time for a mortal. He knew that their relationship had been no passing fling.
"I think Buffy still knew that we were seeing each other. She pretended that she didn't, and when she came over, Carlos hid in the closet. It was really stupid actually, but one day, Buffy stopped by unannounced and went to the fridge for a coke. She saw the blood in there and freaked out. That's when she knew I had been lying to her. But I was twenty by that time, there wasn't anything she could do." Dawn told him as she recalled Buffy's hysterical tirade over the whole situation.
"That must have been quite an event when she found out." Spike chuckled.
"It was." Dawn said smiling slightly. She took another drag off her cigarette before she ground it out in the ashtray. "For the longest time, I really believed that she killed him on purpose. But she was so shaken up about the whole thing, eventually I guess I believed her."
"But you never forgave her." He said.
"No. I couldn't. I still can't." She said firmly.
They sat there together holding hands in silence. Neither one knowing just what to say anymore. Both were just taking comfort in each others presence.
Dawn woke up first and yawned. Spike still lay next to her, tangled in the bedsheets. She smiled at the sight of the sleeping vampire. He was so perfect. Dawn felt sure that she would be attracted to him, even if he wasn't a vampire. That fact only intrigued her more.
She got up and put her robe on. She headed for the kitchen to make coffee. She closed all the drapes in the living room. She wouldn't want poor Spike to combust when he finally stumbled out here.
She started the coffee and went to get into the shower. She glanced at the clock, it was almost noon. Luckily she didn't have to be at work until two. As she stepped into the shower, she failed to hear the phone ringing.
Spike was awakened by the incessant ringing. He was dazed and did not remember where he was at first. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the phone.
"What the bloody hell do you want?" He said angrily. He was having a wonderful dream that he was making love to a beautiful, dark haired goddess of a woman named Dawn. He didn't like the interruption.
The caller on the other end was completely silent. He suddenly got his bearings and realized that it had been no dream. He had been with Dawn last night, and he was still in her bed. He then realized that he had picked up her phone and now the caller was not saying anything.
"Oh… my… god…Spike?" He heard Buffy's angry voice ring out through the phone.
Spike panicked at first. Hearing Buffy's familiar angry tone again brought back so many memories. He wasn't sure what to do. He never should have answered the bloody phone.
"Sorry you have the wrong number." He said trying to fake an American accent, as he slammed the phone down.
Buffy held the phone away from her face and stared at it completely puzzled.
"What's wrong, Buff?" Brandon asked her. "Was your sister not home?"
"Uh, I don't know. That was just the strangest thing. I could have sworn I dialed right, but that voice…." She said lost in thought. The fake accent that he used to try and cover up hadn't fooled her. She would remember that cockney accent anywhere. Spike was at Dawn's apartment. Buffy panicked and threw the phone down.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Brandon asked concerned.
"I have to get to Dawn. I think she might be in trouble." Buffy said as she opened the hall closet and pulled out her bad of slaying accessories.
"What do you need that stuff for? Is there a vampire at Dawn's house?" Brandon knew all about Buffy's calling and was supportive. He also knew that she had given it up just before they met. It wasn't like her to break out the crosses and stakes, unless it was an emergency.
"That's what I intend to find out." She said throwing her bag over her shoulder and heading out the door.
"Be careful!" Brandon called out to her. Since he had known her, she had killed several vampires. Mostly just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But she had never gone out looking for them. She said that patrolling was best left to Amanda, the new Slayer. This sort of thing was unprecedented and Brandon hoped that she knew what she was doing.
Dawn emerged from the shower to find Spike fully dressed and pacing around the bedroom.
"Good morning, or should I say afternoon." She said coming up behind him and kissing his neck.
Spike swung around to face her.
"Buffy called. She's coming over." He said nervously.
He knew that she was on her way. He sensed that she clearly recognized him and he knew that Buffy would be here any minute to make sure he wasn't violating her sister. Part of him was happy to see her again, and would gain some pleasure in rubbing her nose in the fact that he knew her sister intimately. But he was also a little scared. Buffy would probably not hesitate to stake him if she knew.
"What? She's coming here? Why did you answer the phone? This isn't good." Dawn said throwing her robe down and rummaging through her closet.
"I know! I didn't mean to. I forgot where I was. I tried to cover, but I know she recognized me." He said nervously lighting a cigarette.
Dawn grabbed it out of his hand and took a long drag. She handed it back.
"It's too soon. This wasn't how I planned it." Dawn said shaking her head.
"Wait, you planned this?" Spike said with his anger mounting.
"Well, not like this. I mean, as soon as I saw you last night, I knew my prayers had been answered. Everything was going to be perfect. I wanted Buffy to find out, but I had something better in mind. Like her wedding day." Dawn said with an evil grin.
"Her wedding day? You wanted to spring this bit o' news on big sis at her wedding?" He couldn't believe his ears. Dawn was truly diabolical. Her rift with Buffy obviously ran deeper that he realized. He was beginning to love this girl.
"Yes, why should she get to have the fairytale, when I get nothing, all because of her? Oh well, now I guess I'll just have to go with the flow." She said sighing. "Does this outfit look okay?" She asked modeling a red sundress.
"Sure, looks great, Luv." He said absently. "Buffy is going to kill me, you realize?"
"No she won't. She already killed one of my boyfriends, she'd never do it again. Not if I have anything to say about it." Dawn said bitterly.
"Does she realize how much you despise her?" He asked.
Dawn shook her head. "No. But she destroyed the only man I ever loved. How would you expect me to feel? She thinks I forgave her, but I can't. I want her to feel hurt like I did."
"So that's what this is? Revenge? You're using me to get back at Buffy?" He asked incredulously.
"Yes." She said quickly.
Spike's expression faded into one of disappointment. He had actually thought Dawn had cared for him. He was stupid. He should have listened to himself when he decided to cut all ties to humans.
Dawn noticed his fallen expression and felt guilty.
"That's not what I mean, Spike. I do care about you and I have thought about you for years. The fact that Buffy would be hurt and angry was only a bonus. That wasn't all I was after. I want you." She said trying to explain.
"Sure, Luv." He said still hurt by her admission.
"I do, Spike, I swear. Last night wasn't just about revenge. It was about us. You and me. Together like I always imagined. Besides, you can't tell me you you're not feeling just a little bit excited by the fact Buffy is gonna flip over this." She smiled at him while taking his hands in her own.
He had to admit that it was true. He nodded his head.
"Well, I suppose it doesn't hurt…" He said still thinking about it.
Just then, they heard a frantic pounding on the door.
"Dawn!" They heard Buffy shouting in the hallway.
"Right on cue." Dawn said rolling her eyes.
She went to answer the door. She opened it abruptly and saw Buffy poised with a stake in her hand, ready for a fight.
"Dawn!" She said, lowering the stake and embracing her sister. "My god, I thought you were in trouble. I called and I thought that someone was here…" She began rambling on, still clutching onto Dawn.
"Someone like me, Slayer?" Spike asked with a smirk on his face, as he emerged from the bedroom.
Buffy let go of Dawn and raised her stake again.
"You. I knew it was you. What the hell do you think you're doing here? Trying to get to me, Spike? Forget it." She spat at him. Then turned to Dawn. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"
Dawn rolled her eyes again and walked over to Spike and put her arms around him. She looked pointedly at Buffy and smiled.
"Oh, he's over you, Buffy. Way over you. Isn't that right, Spike?" She said as she kissed him on the cheek and looked back over at Buffy.
Spike couldn't contain his pleasure at watching Buffy's face turn into a mask of disgust and horror. He couldn't help himself. Maybe this would be fun after all. As long as she didn't kill him.
Buffy charged over to where they were standing and raised her stake to Spike.
"Tell me why I shouldn't just kill you right now? You're sickening. Taking advantage of my sister? You have really done it this time, Spike." She hissed at him.
Spike just looked at her, unflinching. Dawn stepped between them.
"Put your stake down, Buffy. Unless you want to kill someone else that I love." She said glaring at Buffy.
Buffy lowered her stake and a tear sprung to her eye. Carlos. Why was Dawn bringing that up now? That was in the past. Besides, Dawn couldn't love Spike. That was insane.
"What? Love? Spike?" Buffy's words tumbled out in confusion.
"That's right, Buff, I love Spike. Maybe you never wanted him, but I did." She said with tears in her eyes.
Spike put his arm around Dawn. Buffy shuddered at the sight.
"Dawn, please. You can't love Spike. Why do you always have to be so self destructive? Why can't you just find a nice normal guy?" She asked with true concern over her sister.
"Oh, what? Like Brandon? You don't really love him, Buffy. You just want to pretend that you're normal. He doesn't make you happy, not the way Angel did, and you know it." Dawn said angrily.
"Stop it. Angel is gone. I don't even know where he is. I'm thirty years old Dawn, I want a family. Brandon can give me all the things I always wanted." She said defending herself. "Don't you want that too? Being with a vampire can only lead to heartache. There is no future. "
"You're just saying that because Angel was cursed. Do you really think you wouldn't still be with him if he wasn't? See Spike doesn't have any limitations." She said smirking evilly at Buffy. "He proved that last night."
Buffy reached back and slapped Dawn across the face, and gasped at her own actions.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Dawn." She said with tears in her eyes. "I didn't mean to…"
She didn't know why she had done it, but Dawn had struck a raw nerve. And the thought of her baby sister doing unspeakable things with Spike made her nauseous.
"Don't touch her." Spike said standing up to Buffy. He knew he couldn't hurt her, but at that moment, he wanted to.
Dawn held her cheek and tried to soothe the sting caused by her sisters hand.
Buffy began sobbing at her own actions.
"Please, Dawn. I only want what's best for you. That's all I ever wanted. Spike is not good enough for you. I don't want you to ruin your life." She pleaded.
"Just get out, Buffy." She told her.
"I'm sorry, please…Don't do this Dawn." Buffy pleaded.
"I can make my own decisions now, Buffy. I won't let you run Spike out of town again like last time. I want you to leave and I don't want to speak to you again!" Dawn screamed at her.
Buffy turned and walked sadly out the door. She turned back imploringly one last time before Dawn slammed the door in her face.
Dawn's hatred dissolved into despair. She broke down and cried in Spike's arms.
"It's okay, Luv." He said, trying to soothe her.
He had been hurt earlier by the notion that she may be using him to get back at her sister, but something inside of him couldn't help but feel affection for this girl.
She was so lost and still so innocent, despite the confident, seductive face she had shown him last night. Here was a girl whose first fourteen years of life had been a complete lie. A figment of everyone's imagination. Now here she was, human and frail, trying desperately to avenge her lover's death against the sister that so obviously loved her.
She was twenty-four, but in some ways she was much younger. Her first years weren't even real, she had had to start from scratch. Instead of living the life that was created for her by some nameless and faceless monks, she was desperately trying to create a new life. One where she was in control. She wanted a place in the world to call her own. Much like he did.
"Sometimes, I just can't stand her." She sobbed into Spike's shirt.
"I know, I feel the same way." He said softly to her. "But I think that she means well." He couldn't believe he was actually defending Buffy to Dawn, but he knew that Buffy thought she was doing the right thing, even if he didn't believe it himself.
He wasn't going to hurt Dawn. He had always cared for her, and now that caring had turned to something deeper. He may still be soulless, but he was all too capable of emotions and love. And even though being good was a constant work in progress, he was nothing if not completely loyal to those he loved. And he was beginning to realize that he had fallen quickly and deeply in love with Dawn.
He had always been foolish in the ways of the heart. It didn't take him long to fall in love but unfortunately it took much longer to fall out. He silently cursed himself for letting Dawn into his heart so hastily, and only hoped that she truly felt the same. He couldn't bear the thought of being used.
"So what did you think of her, Spike? Is she the same as you expected?" She asked wiping her eyes and jostling him out of deep thought.
"She seemed like the same girl I remember, only a little older." He said thinking of Buffy now. Seeing her had still been unsettling, even though he had prepared himself for it.
She still had the same stubborn personality and fierce hatred of him, that much was obvious. But her looks had not faded or changed much. She wore her hair a little shorter than the last time he saw her. More like it was when he first met her. Her clothes were the biggest change.
At thirty, he supposed she was trying to achieve a more mature look. Gone were the mini skirts and funky tops. She wore a reserved white shirt with black slacks. He had to admit that on her, anything looked good.
"You still love her, don't you?" Dawn asked him as she pulled away and sat down on the sofa. She took a cigarette out of Spike's jacket that was lying next to her, and lit it up.
Spike thought about it for a moment and sighed as he sat down next to her.
"I thought I did, I mean, honestly, I have never stopped thinking about her. But, seeing her today…I just don't know." He said seriously.
"That's okay if you do." She said taking along drag off her cigarette. "Everybody always loved Buffy. Carlos was the first person who didn't care about her at all. When I walked into a room, he couldn't see anyone else but me. If it wasn't for her, I'd still have that." She said sadly.
Spike looked at her tenderly. He smiled and brushed her hair out of her face.
"You know, when Buffy walked in here today, I thought I would go mad. I expected all the feelings I had carried with me for so long, to consume me again. But you know what?" He said to her.
"What?" She asked unhappily, not wishing to hear another glowing recount of Buffy's many charms.
"I couldn't see anyone but you." He told her.
Another tear came to her eye and she smiled at him.
"Oh, Spike…" She said kissing him gently.
"Carlos was a lucky man." He told her and she smiled. "So, Luv, how long were you with him?"
"Almost four years. I was seventeen when we met, and Buffy found out soon after, that he was a vampire. She forbid me to see him, but I didn't listen to her. We did everything in secret. He was the one who picked out most of this furniture and stuff. This was our home. That's why I have such heavy drapes." She smiled at the memory.
Spike smiled at her. It explained a lot about the décor. He also understood fully why there was no love lost between her and Buffy. Four years was a long time for a mortal. He knew that their relationship had been no passing fling.
"I think Buffy still knew that we were seeing each other. She pretended that she didn't, and when she came over, Carlos hid in the closet. It was really stupid actually, but one day, Buffy stopped by unannounced and went to the fridge for a coke. She saw the blood in there and freaked out. That's when she knew I had been lying to her. But I was twenty by that time, there wasn't anything she could do." Dawn told him as she recalled Buffy's hysterical tirade over the whole situation.
"That must have been quite an event when she found out." Spike chuckled.
"It was." Dawn said smiling slightly. She took another drag off her cigarette before she ground it out in the ashtray. "For the longest time, I really believed that she killed him on purpose. But she was so shaken up about the whole thing, eventually I guess I believed her."
"But you never forgave her." He said.
"No. I couldn't. I still can't." She said firmly.
They sat there together holding hands in silence. Neither one knowing just what to say anymore. Both were just taking comfort in each others presence.