~ Belonging ~ Chapter 4 ~
Buffy drove home slowly. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and tried to keep her mind on the road. What was she going to do about Dawn? That girl had driven her mad for years.
After their mother died, Buffy took over as friend, sister and mother to Dawn. She had never dreamed it would be as difficult as it was. Dawn was a very defiant girl who had clear ideas of what she wanted and no one was going to stop her. She was completely stubborn.
Just like, she was, Buffy supposed. But Buffy had tried to do her best. The whole thing with Carlos had been a fiasco. She didn't want Dawn involved with a vampire, harmless or not, but she never intended to kill him. That whole thing had been a horrible accident.
She came across the scene while on patrol. Two vampires were struggling with a woman in the park. She ran over and grabbed the first vampire and dusted him. The other vampire turned around and she immediately plunged her stake in.
Instantaneously she recognized him as Carlos, but it was too late. He was gone. She would be haunted forever by the dismayed look on his face when he realized who his executioner was.
She had learned from the stunned and horrified woman, that Carlos had been helping to pull the crazed mugger off of her. The woman was so traumatized she didn't even know what had happened.
Buffy had no idea what to tell Dawn, and when the moment arrived it was every bit as gut wrenching and horrible as she imagined. Dawn despised her and wished her dead. Buffy cried for Dawn and for herself. It had been a very rough time.
They had not been as close since then, but Buffy felt that Dawn had forgiven her. Buffy, however, had not forgiven herself. She gave up slaying on that night. A new Slayer had been called a year before, and she realized that it was time to quit. The duty had gotten to be too much for her. The lines between good and evil were beginning to blur and she no longer wanted to be the one making snap decisions.
She pulled into her driveway and slowly walked up to the house. Brandon was waiting for her anxiously.
"Sweetie, are you alright? Was Dawn okay?" He asked full of concern.
"Dawn is fine. Listen, I just need to lie down." She said, not wanting to talk to anyone right now.
He let her go up the stairs and watched her disappear into their bedroom.
Buffy took off her shoes and crawled into her bed. Seeing Spike again had brought up too many memories. She remembered his odd obsession with her and how uncomfortable it had made her.
She had pushed him away, but he had ended up helping her with Glory in the end. He risked his own safety saving Dawn and the whole world from destruction. She had wanted to thank him for helping, but she just couldn't bring herself to say the words.
He approached her and she had walked away from him without a word. She feared that if she told him she was grateful, he would take it as some sort of doorway to her heart. She thought it best that he never know that she cared about him at all. And she had cared.
That was the worst part about it all. She had cared for Spike, even after all the crazy things he had done. Constructing a replica of herself, to satisfy his obsession. That was truly the most disturbing thing she had ever seen. But in the end, it served as a wonderful decoy in the final showdown with Glory.
Yes, she had cared for him and hated herself for it. It wasn't love, not the way he wanted it to be, but it wasn't the blind hatred that she pretended either. It was more like friendship and respect for the way he fought. They were perfectly matched as enemies and made a formidable team when fighting together. And yet she would never admit it to him or anyone else.
Now, he was with her sister. He was clearly using Dawn as a way to torment her. Buffy had assumed that he was long since dusted by someone. Knowing that he was back was almost too much for Buffy to handle. She curled up into a ball and cried.
The sun had gone down and Spike was anxious to get out of Dawn's apartment. She had gone to work earlier and he needed some fresh air, and he needed blood. Dawn told him about an underground club called the Dungeon that had opened about six years ago. Carlos had been a regular there. It was owned by one of the other vampires that had been victim of the Initiative.
He headed out alone. Dawn was still at work, and she had made him promise to meet her at the Magic Box at nine when she closed up. He wasn't sure he was looking forward to seeing Giles again. He knew he would be less than enthused to learn he was back and keeping company with his youngest surrogate daughter. But Dawn insisted.
He made his way to the spot that Dawn told him about and walked in. It looked like a dump. And from the name, he expected something trashy and full of creep factor. But when he walked inside he was surprised by what he found. The place was classy and not at all like he pictured. That dive, Willie's, was a trash heap compared to this. On the outside, this place looked like an abandoned warehouse, but on the inside, it was decorated like some sort of first class speakeasy that he had frequented in the 1920's.
He moved through the crowd of vampires and various demons, all dressed nicely. He went up to the bar and sat down. The bartender approached him. Spike ordered a Bloody Mary, with real blood. This place was very nice, he thought. Better than any of the other places he'd been.
When he was in LA, he had gone to Caritas a lot. It was okay, but Spike couldn't stand the intrusion of the karaoke singing. Most of those bloody fools were terrible. This place had nice soothing piano music played by blue demon in a zoot suit.
He had a couple of drinks and decided it was getting late and headed out. He realized with some apprehension that he was walking right through Buffy's neighborhood. He knew that she still lived there and was more than tempted to drop in on her. But he figured it would be a stupid move. Of course, that had never stopped him before.
He walked up to her house tentatively. He knew that somebody was home, because the lights were on and he could hear television through the open window in front. It might have been Brandon, her fiancé, or it could have been her, he didn't know but it was worth a shot.
He knocked firmly on the door. He heard the sounds of the television going off and someone walking towards the door. The locked clicked open and the door swung open. She stood before him.
"Hello, Luv. We meet again." He said full of arrogance that he didn't really feel, but he wanted to appear cocky as usual for her.
"What are you doing here? Haven't you caused enough trouble already?" She said aggravated by his presence at her house.
"Well, that's not happiness to see me, Luv, is it?" He said with a smile. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"Why should I? Just leave now. You have some nerve coming here." She spat at him.
"Look, we need to talk and I'm not leaving until we do. We can have it out right here on the porch if that's what you want, but I'd rather do it in there, where the whole world won't be listening." He told her.
She stared at him venomously. He never failed to get under her skin. She moved away from the door and motioned him in.
He laughed and said, "You're gonna have to do better than that Luv, and you know it."
"Fine, come in, but don't for one minute think that this is a permanent invitation. As soon as you leave, the spell goes back." She said with resolve.
"Whatever you say." He told her as he walked in.
He looked around and noticed that the appearance had not changed much at all from when Joyce ran this place. Buffy must have wanted to keep her memory alive, he figured.
"So is Brandon here?" He asked sarcastically.
"No, he has bowling league tonight." She said as she sat down on the couch.
Spike laughed at that. "Bowling league? Oh, Buffy, that's just…Well, so wholesome. What a great catch he is, Luv." He said making fun of him.
"Shut up. So what if he's wholesome? At least he's alive and not a walking corpse like you." She said angrily.
"Come on, you can't be happy with this guy. I know what you need, and it's not that." He said to her.
"You always thought you knew me so well, didn't you? Well, you didn't and you still don't. I happen to be very happy. Brandon is a good man and he loves me. He may not be exciting and mysterious, but he's what I've always wanted. I am through with falling for the wrong guys, the ones who only make me miserable. I want a real life, I want kids. Brandon and I are going to be happy." She said knowing that she shouldn't have to defend herself to him, but something about him always made her crazy.
"Whatever you say." He told her.
"Listen, forget about Brandon for a second. I want to know what is going on with Dawn. Why did you come back here? Whatever sick game you are playing, it ends now. I want you to stay away from her." She said trying to get her thoughts back on track.
"I'm not playing any games." He said.
"Well, then what is this? Hmm? You just happened to come back here and just happened to end up in the arms of my sister? Like you didn't plan this." She said getting up and pacing the room.
"I didn't plan anything." He said getting angry.
"Look, whatever it is that you think is going on between us, leave Dawn out of it. She's fragile and she doesn't need you using her as some twisted way to get back at me."
"Is that what you think? You think this is my game? My revenge? Think again, pet. Dawn is the one with the grudge, not me. Sure, I came back to Sunnydale because of you. I couldn't help it. I wanted to see you. Dawn never even occurred to me. She was one who sought me out, she took me back to her place and if anyone is being used, it's probably me. Don't you get it yet?" He said getting in her face.
Buffy tried to stifle her tears.
"That's not true. Dawn is my sister. She loves me." She said sadly.
"Yes, but you are also the Slayer that murdered her boyfriend in cold blood, remember?" He said his temper flaring.
Buffy quickly punched him across the face as hard as she could. He went flying backward and flipped over the couch. She stood there watching as he groaned. He stood up holding his nose.
"Bloody hell, Slayer. I've forgotten how tough you are, especially when you're pissed." He told her.
"Well, consider that a reminder and there's more where that came from if you don't get the hell out of my house." She said with tears in her eyes. His words had ripped right through her, especially once she realized the truth behind them.
"Truth is a bitch, isn't it?" He said wiping blood from his nose.
"Get out." She said loudly.
"Fine, it's just about time to meet Dawnie at the magic shop anyway." He said with a smile.
"Stay away from her."
"I don't think so, Luv. See, Dawn and I have something special. You wouldn't understand." He said told her.
"No, that's not true." She said wishing she could believe it.
"You know we always had something special, Dawn and I. She was the only person who treated me kindly. Did you know that it was me she turned to when your mum died? Did you know that she defied you and came to visit me long after you forbid her to?"
"She did not. She wouldn't have done that. God, if you touched her…" She said feeling her rage building.
"Relax, Slayer. I'm not a bloody pervert. She was just a kid. But that was ten years ago. She's a woman now. A beautiful, single, woman that seems very interested in me. I'm not about to give that up, not just because you say so." He told her as he walked to the door.
"If you hurt her, or break her heart, I swear to God, I will rip you apart limb from limb."
"I won't." He said as he stepped outside. He looked back over his shoulder. "Give Brandon my regards."
She only slammed the door in his face. She watched as he walked away from the house and headed in the direction of the Magic Box.
She sat back down on the couch and stared off into space. Dawn hated her. She couldn't blame her, though. It had been three years since the incident, and she had tried to put it behind her. She thought that they had gotten past it, but it was obvious that Dawn still harbored ill feelings towards her.
Buffy only wanted to make things right. Her sister was the only family she had left. A few years ago, their father died. It hadn't hit nearly as hard as when their mother died. He had never been there anyway. After Joyce died, he didn't even bother to try and get custody of Dawn. Not that Buffy would have allowed it, but he barely cared enough to visit his motherless daughters, much less take on responsibility.
Dawn was all she had left, and somehow, someway, she had to make things right with her. Her wedding was only two months away and she wanted to remember it as the happiest day of her life. She didn't want bad blood between Dawn and her to spoil everything. She wanted her sister back. She had to talk to her.
Buffy drove home slowly. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and tried to keep her mind on the road. What was she going to do about Dawn? That girl had driven her mad for years.
After their mother died, Buffy took over as friend, sister and mother to Dawn. She had never dreamed it would be as difficult as it was. Dawn was a very defiant girl who had clear ideas of what she wanted and no one was going to stop her. She was completely stubborn.
Just like, she was, Buffy supposed. But Buffy had tried to do her best. The whole thing with Carlos had been a fiasco. She didn't want Dawn involved with a vampire, harmless or not, but she never intended to kill him. That whole thing had been a horrible accident.
She came across the scene while on patrol. Two vampires were struggling with a woman in the park. She ran over and grabbed the first vampire and dusted him. The other vampire turned around and she immediately plunged her stake in.
Instantaneously she recognized him as Carlos, but it was too late. He was gone. She would be haunted forever by the dismayed look on his face when he realized who his executioner was.
She had learned from the stunned and horrified woman, that Carlos had been helping to pull the crazed mugger off of her. The woman was so traumatized she didn't even know what had happened.
Buffy had no idea what to tell Dawn, and when the moment arrived it was every bit as gut wrenching and horrible as she imagined. Dawn despised her and wished her dead. Buffy cried for Dawn and for herself. It had been a very rough time.
They had not been as close since then, but Buffy felt that Dawn had forgiven her. Buffy, however, had not forgiven herself. She gave up slaying on that night. A new Slayer had been called a year before, and she realized that it was time to quit. The duty had gotten to be too much for her. The lines between good and evil were beginning to blur and she no longer wanted to be the one making snap decisions.
She pulled into her driveway and slowly walked up to the house. Brandon was waiting for her anxiously.
"Sweetie, are you alright? Was Dawn okay?" He asked full of concern.
"Dawn is fine. Listen, I just need to lie down." She said, not wanting to talk to anyone right now.
He let her go up the stairs and watched her disappear into their bedroom.
Buffy took off her shoes and crawled into her bed. Seeing Spike again had brought up too many memories. She remembered his odd obsession with her and how uncomfortable it had made her.
She had pushed him away, but he had ended up helping her with Glory in the end. He risked his own safety saving Dawn and the whole world from destruction. She had wanted to thank him for helping, but she just couldn't bring herself to say the words.
He approached her and she had walked away from him without a word. She feared that if she told him she was grateful, he would take it as some sort of doorway to her heart. She thought it best that he never know that she cared about him at all. And she had cared.
That was the worst part about it all. She had cared for Spike, even after all the crazy things he had done. Constructing a replica of herself, to satisfy his obsession. That was truly the most disturbing thing she had ever seen. But in the end, it served as a wonderful decoy in the final showdown with Glory.
Yes, she had cared for him and hated herself for it. It wasn't love, not the way he wanted it to be, but it wasn't the blind hatred that she pretended either. It was more like friendship and respect for the way he fought. They were perfectly matched as enemies and made a formidable team when fighting together. And yet she would never admit it to him or anyone else.
Now, he was with her sister. He was clearly using Dawn as a way to torment her. Buffy had assumed that he was long since dusted by someone. Knowing that he was back was almost too much for Buffy to handle. She curled up into a ball and cried.
The sun had gone down and Spike was anxious to get out of Dawn's apartment. She had gone to work earlier and he needed some fresh air, and he needed blood. Dawn told him about an underground club called the Dungeon that had opened about six years ago. Carlos had been a regular there. It was owned by one of the other vampires that had been victim of the Initiative.
He headed out alone. Dawn was still at work, and she had made him promise to meet her at the Magic Box at nine when she closed up. He wasn't sure he was looking forward to seeing Giles again. He knew he would be less than enthused to learn he was back and keeping company with his youngest surrogate daughter. But Dawn insisted.
He made his way to the spot that Dawn told him about and walked in. It looked like a dump. And from the name, he expected something trashy and full of creep factor. But when he walked inside he was surprised by what he found. The place was classy and not at all like he pictured. That dive, Willie's, was a trash heap compared to this. On the outside, this place looked like an abandoned warehouse, but on the inside, it was decorated like some sort of first class speakeasy that he had frequented in the 1920's.
He moved through the crowd of vampires and various demons, all dressed nicely. He went up to the bar and sat down. The bartender approached him. Spike ordered a Bloody Mary, with real blood. This place was very nice, he thought. Better than any of the other places he'd been.
When he was in LA, he had gone to Caritas a lot. It was okay, but Spike couldn't stand the intrusion of the karaoke singing. Most of those bloody fools were terrible. This place had nice soothing piano music played by blue demon in a zoot suit.
He had a couple of drinks and decided it was getting late and headed out. He realized with some apprehension that he was walking right through Buffy's neighborhood. He knew that she still lived there and was more than tempted to drop in on her. But he figured it would be a stupid move. Of course, that had never stopped him before.
He walked up to her house tentatively. He knew that somebody was home, because the lights were on and he could hear television through the open window in front. It might have been Brandon, her fiancé, or it could have been her, he didn't know but it was worth a shot.
He knocked firmly on the door. He heard the sounds of the television going off and someone walking towards the door. The locked clicked open and the door swung open. She stood before him.
"Hello, Luv. We meet again." He said full of arrogance that he didn't really feel, but he wanted to appear cocky as usual for her.
"What are you doing here? Haven't you caused enough trouble already?" She said aggravated by his presence at her house.
"Well, that's not happiness to see me, Luv, is it?" He said with a smile. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"Why should I? Just leave now. You have some nerve coming here." She spat at him.
"Look, we need to talk and I'm not leaving until we do. We can have it out right here on the porch if that's what you want, but I'd rather do it in there, where the whole world won't be listening." He told her.
She stared at him venomously. He never failed to get under her skin. She moved away from the door and motioned him in.
He laughed and said, "You're gonna have to do better than that Luv, and you know it."
"Fine, come in, but don't for one minute think that this is a permanent invitation. As soon as you leave, the spell goes back." She said with resolve.
"Whatever you say." He told her as he walked in.
He looked around and noticed that the appearance had not changed much at all from when Joyce ran this place. Buffy must have wanted to keep her memory alive, he figured.
"So is Brandon here?" He asked sarcastically.
"No, he has bowling league tonight." She said as she sat down on the couch.
Spike laughed at that. "Bowling league? Oh, Buffy, that's just…Well, so wholesome. What a great catch he is, Luv." He said making fun of him.
"Shut up. So what if he's wholesome? At least he's alive and not a walking corpse like you." She said angrily.
"Come on, you can't be happy with this guy. I know what you need, and it's not that." He said to her.
"You always thought you knew me so well, didn't you? Well, you didn't and you still don't. I happen to be very happy. Brandon is a good man and he loves me. He may not be exciting and mysterious, but he's what I've always wanted. I am through with falling for the wrong guys, the ones who only make me miserable. I want a real life, I want kids. Brandon and I are going to be happy." She said knowing that she shouldn't have to defend herself to him, but something about him always made her crazy.
"Whatever you say." He told her.
"Listen, forget about Brandon for a second. I want to know what is going on with Dawn. Why did you come back here? Whatever sick game you are playing, it ends now. I want you to stay away from her." She said trying to get her thoughts back on track.
"I'm not playing any games." He said.
"Well, then what is this? Hmm? You just happened to come back here and just happened to end up in the arms of my sister? Like you didn't plan this." She said getting up and pacing the room.
"I didn't plan anything." He said getting angry.
"Look, whatever it is that you think is going on between us, leave Dawn out of it. She's fragile and she doesn't need you using her as some twisted way to get back at me."
"Is that what you think? You think this is my game? My revenge? Think again, pet. Dawn is the one with the grudge, not me. Sure, I came back to Sunnydale because of you. I couldn't help it. I wanted to see you. Dawn never even occurred to me. She was one who sought me out, she took me back to her place and if anyone is being used, it's probably me. Don't you get it yet?" He said getting in her face.
Buffy tried to stifle her tears.
"That's not true. Dawn is my sister. She loves me." She said sadly.
"Yes, but you are also the Slayer that murdered her boyfriend in cold blood, remember?" He said his temper flaring.
Buffy quickly punched him across the face as hard as she could. He went flying backward and flipped over the couch. She stood there watching as he groaned. He stood up holding his nose.
"Bloody hell, Slayer. I've forgotten how tough you are, especially when you're pissed." He told her.
"Well, consider that a reminder and there's more where that came from if you don't get the hell out of my house." She said with tears in her eyes. His words had ripped right through her, especially once she realized the truth behind them.
"Truth is a bitch, isn't it?" He said wiping blood from his nose.
"Get out." She said loudly.
"Fine, it's just about time to meet Dawnie at the magic shop anyway." He said with a smile.
"Stay away from her."
"I don't think so, Luv. See, Dawn and I have something special. You wouldn't understand." He said told her.
"No, that's not true." She said wishing she could believe it.
"You know we always had something special, Dawn and I. She was the only person who treated me kindly. Did you know that it was me she turned to when your mum died? Did you know that she defied you and came to visit me long after you forbid her to?"
"She did not. She wouldn't have done that. God, if you touched her…" She said feeling her rage building.
"Relax, Slayer. I'm not a bloody pervert. She was just a kid. But that was ten years ago. She's a woman now. A beautiful, single, woman that seems very interested in me. I'm not about to give that up, not just because you say so." He told her as he walked to the door.
"If you hurt her, or break her heart, I swear to God, I will rip you apart limb from limb."
"I won't." He said as he stepped outside. He looked back over his shoulder. "Give Brandon my regards."
She only slammed the door in his face. She watched as he walked away from the house and headed in the direction of the Magic Box.
She sat back down on the couch and stared off into space. Dawn hated her. She couldn't blame her, though. It had been three years since the incident, and she had tried to put it behind her. She thought that they had gotten past it, but it was obvious that Dawn still harbored ill feelings towards her.
Buffy only wanted to make things right. Her sister was the only family she had left. A few years ago, their father died. It hadn't hit nearly as hard as when their mother died. He had never been there anyway. After Joyce died, he didn't even bother to try and get custody of Dawn. Not that Buffy would have allowed it, but he barely cared enough to visit his motherless daughters, much less take on responsibility.
Dawn was all she had left, and somehow, someway, she had to make things right with her. Her wedding was only two months away and she wanted to remember it as the happiest day of her life. She didn't want bad blood between Dawn and her to spoil everything. She wanted her sister back. She had to talk to her.