Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just burrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.
Title: Haunting memories 3
Author: Giton
Rating: R, I guess, some Angst involved
Spoilers: Maybe Season 4, definitely "Junk"
Keywords: Sydney's past is catching up
Summary: Plans forged and confrontations taken on (last part? Not!)
Haunting Memories 3
By Giton
On the road
Jarod drove fast, but carefully, each unexpected swerve or bump in the road causing Sydney to involuntarily moan saw to that. He drove North out of Blue Cove, skipped the next town and the next village and than drove into the village of Horne Bay. The sun had already started to dip towards the horizon when he arrived at the hospital.
Horne Bay hospital had a view over the ocean and at any other given day Jarod would have paused to observe the majesty of that vast expanse of water. Now his main concern was to get Sydney into the hospital and checked out.
All through the ride, Sydney had not regained full awareness and Jarod had to ask for help to get him inside. He presented himself as Doctor Jarod Mallard who had brought his father, Sydney Mallard, in. When he made himself this new identity a couple of months ago, he had to chuckle at the wordplay and some quip in his sense of humour had made Sydney his father, should they ever want to check on his background. He was glad he had done it now, so that when speaking to Sydney in a more private manner or having to sign for his release papers later would pose no problem.
Sydney was quickly admitted and Jarod explained that "his father" had been mugged a couple of days prior while he was on holiday and that it was only today that he (Jarod) had found him semi-conscious in the motel-room. He had not thought that the collapse was due to a heart attack but the result of the mugging.
The doctors quickly confirmed Jarod's diagnosis and send Sydney off for X-rays. A nurse issued Jarod into a side-room to await the results, which weren't long in coming.
Jarod had been staring out of one of the windows in the waiting room, which gave way to a beautiful panoramic view of the Bay, when a young doctor, about Jarod's age, entered.
"Doctor Mallard?"
"Yes."
"Hello. I'm Doctor McKenzie. We have just finished examining your father and have some good news for you. You were right in assuming that he wasn't suffering from a heart attack or even a heart related problem. Your father's heart is pretty strong for a man his age. We have, however, found a hairline fracture on the fifth rib, which must have caused the collapse. You may well be aware that since this is a moving bone it will be hard to stop him from moving it, apart from stopping his breathing for a long while," he grinned and Jarod grinned back, "but that is rather drastic measure. There is nothing much we can do, other than taping his chest-section up to make him more comfortable and suggest complete rest for about a week and than to let him take it very easy for a while until the fracture heals up. It depends per person how long that is going to take.
We did find some strange bruising around the chest-area and the lower left arm. Has your father spoken to you about the attack?"
"Not exactly... I knew he was on holiday and once every couple of days we would ring each other to make sure everything was all right. When he didn't contact me last night I went to his last known location and found him on the motel floor. He was conscious for only a brief spell in which he told me that he had been attacked near the motel. He remembered getting himself back to the room, but other than that was a complete blank to him."
"He might have suffered a mild concussion, for there were no traces of extensive damage to either the brain or the skull, even though he has a bruise at the side of his head. There are also the strange bruises on his arm and chest. Does your father take... medication intravenously?"
"I don't think so. He might take a couple of Tylenols on a whole year. He is not very keen of medication of any kind."
"Hmm... The bruises on his arm might have another cause, but at first glance they almost seem like injection scars. The bruises on his chest are a different matter. They are strange in appearance, almost circular and mainly superficial, had they been stabs by, say, a stick there would have been more damage below the surface of the contusions, yet there don't seem to be any. Ah well... Until your father can remember what has happened to him that night we won't know, will we?" He was good, better than Jarod would have wanted. He had hoped to get the "normal country emergency-treatment", but this doctor must have given his full attention to Sydney. Part of him was very glad about this and another part very suspicious.
"No, I don't think we will."
"Have you informed the police about it already?"
"No, I will when I get back, and hopefully my father can remember more."
"Yes, I hope he will. Would you like to see him now?"
"Yes, please. How long will it be before I can take him home?"
"Do you live far from here?"
"Not too far."
"I thought you said he was on holiday?"
"Yes, he was, I wasn't. Although he might come and settle down around here in a short while, once he gets used to the word "retirement"."
"Sounds like my old man." Both men laughed.
Than Jarod looked at McKenzie again with a question on his face. "Oh, yes, sorry, when can you take him home... Well, since your house is not that far from here, I would suggest tomorrow morning. I'd like to keep him in overnight for observation." When they were walking down the corridor, the doctor tried to make some small talk, "I saw from the details of your forms that you are both doctors. Both in the same field?"
"No," Jarod answered lightly, "My father is a psychiatrist and I am a General Practitioner."
"Hmm... Good thing you are, most people go into panic-mode when something happens to their parents." They had reached one of the private rooms, but the room was empty. "He'll be here shortly. Is there anything you need? Or would you prefer to stay in one of the guest-rooms?"
"To both counts: no, but thanks anyway. I just sit with him for a while, if you don't mind?"
"Not at all. If you need anything you can always ask nurse and should any problems occur during the night don't hesitate to ask for me." Jarod thanked him and he left. Jarod sat down.
When they wheeled Sydney in he looked wan but awake. They waited, not speaking to each other until the nurses had made Sydney comfortable on the bed and had left the room. They had taped Sydney's chest up and put his left arm in a sling to take the strain off that side of the body. He still wasn't breathing normally, but it was an improvement compared to a few hours earlier.
"How're you feeling, dad?" Jarod asked, keeping the pretence going in case anybody walked by.
"Better, Jarod."
"They asked me if you could remember more of the attack on you?"
"No, I can't even remember what day it is."
"It will come back to you. Rest now, tomorrow I'm taking you home." There was a tinge of panic in Sydney's eyes. "Don't worry. They want to make sure you are all right, so they want to keep you for the night. Rest now. I'll keep an eye on you." "And keep watch, just in case they inform anybody of our presence here," his eyes were saying to Sydney, who finally relaxed and let himself slip into a light slumber.
Later that night McKenzie dropped in to see how his patient was faring and found them both asleep, although the older Mallard woke up just before he left the room. McKenzie moved over to the other side of the bed and whispered, to leave Jarod sleeping, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," mouthed Sydney. "Can you remember more of the attack?" Sydney shook his head slowly. For a minute McKenzie was wondering if his patient had lost the power of speech as well as parts of his memory, until he noticed the way Jarod had fallen asleep. His head was resting on his right arm, but his left arm was flung loosely over the older Mallard's chest. If the son were a light sleeper, his father's talking would have caused the chest-area to vibrate and wake him up. McKenzie nodded in sympathetic understanding, Sydney smiled back at him. McKenzie left quietly, leaving the Mallards to their rest.
The next morning they paid up the bill in cash, which Jarod had acquired just before Sydney was ready to leave. They thanked McKenzie for his care with the promise to inform the police about the attack as soon as they got back and left the hospital. Sydney walked slowly, which pleased Jarod, with hardly any support.
Jarod sometimes took to the smaller roads to make sure they weren't followed out of force of habit. When they got back to Miss Parker's cabin, Sydney declined to go to bed. "But you need complete rest!"
"Yes, complete rest, not total paralysis! I've had enough of beds for the moment, thank you!" The outburst made him gasp for breath, so he sat down on Miss Parker's couch, "Please, Jarod, I need to feel like a whole human being for a while instead of an invalid. I promise I will lie down shortly."
Jarod shrugged his shoulders and went into the kitchen to prepare them some tea and toast. When he came back into the room he found Sydney laid back and with his eyes closed, but he opened them immediately when Jarod stepped into the room.
During breakfast Jarod observed his former mentor and found him looking better than he had for days, even his breathing had eased, but his movements were still tentative. He seemed to have aged a bit since he had last seen him. With a grin he said, "You gave me quite a scare there."
"Sorry, didn't mean to."
"You want to rest now or..."
"No, like you I want to talk about the escape-plan. Unlike you, I want to discuss the probabilities of the now instead of the possibilities of the past."
Jarod bowed his head. Sydney was right, his obsession with the past sometimes hindered his actions of the future. "It will be more difficult than it was then. (-"Yes."-) There are more children and even adults to rescue this time. (-"Hmm..."-) The alarm system will have been improved and the security tighter. (-"..."-) We would have to find new co-conspirators. Would it be people we trust? Outsiders? Or from the Centre? Who can we trust, Sydney?"
"We could try Broots, but he won't do anything against Miss Parker's wishes. It is Miss Parker we have to concentrate on. Sometimes she gives me the impression that she wants to put an end to all the Centre's activities. At other times she is more in favour of keeping the show going than Raines is. Although of late... (-Jarod raised his eyebrow-) Well, what with Thomas being killed, her father marrying and having a child with the woman who tried to kill him, finding out about Lyle's unsavoury... hobbies, finding out about her mother, seeing that the Centre has made a clone of you, finding out about an unknown brother... The list is too long to go on. Any normal person would feel cheated or betrayed if any of that would happen to them. But Miss Parker was raised in the Centre, there's no telling what she might consider "normal"," he took a sip of tea, wincing when he sat back, "To give her her due, if her mind had been totally and immorally messed up she would have left me in Raines' "care". She would have send in the Sweepers to pick you up, maybe it's because I'm her co-worker..."
"That's bull, Syd, and you know it," Jarod said angrily, "I don't think that Miss Parker just sees you as a colleague. You have always been there for her. And she must see you as a father figure, especially since her father tries hard to ignore her. Are you both so thickheaded that you won't admit it to each other? Or even to yourselves?"
"I don't want to be presumptuous..."
"Presumptuous! Sydney! I know you don't go out that much. I know you don't like to share your feelings! But be honest with yourself! You have treated her like a daughter, like you treated me like a... If we want to get her on our side, we have to work on that. I am almost sure she will join us. When you tell her about her mother's initial plan..."
"No! I can't Jarod," Sydney said with sorrow and regret in his voice, "If I tell her now, she will believe that I either lied to her or kept her from her mother's secrets. She will hate me for not trusting her enough to have told her earlier, and she would be right in assuming that. She will feel betrayed and she had enough of that by others lately. Remember how you behaved last night when I accidentally slipped it?"
"Was it an accident, Sydney? Or did you want me to know?"
"I don't know. But can you imagine what her reaction will be? I think I can. First, she'll want to murder me for not telling her earlier. Than she will want to kill me for telling her a "lie" about me and her mother and everybody else who had been involved, just to be able to get her on our team. Next she might go to her father and tell him about the plan, who will than kill me for being a liability to the Centre and for knowing his wife better than he did. About the last part I'm not too worried, but if he finds out, the plan will die an easy death. It would have been better if we would not even been having this conversation." He leaned back exhausted. "Don't you think I have not been thinking about that scenario over the last years? I have and always came to a dead end. First I thought it was pure cowardice on my part, but than I realised, and still realise, that I just didn't have an option on that part."
Sydney's voice had dropped as if extremely tired and now he lay back and looked at Jarod with deep concern, "If I could have done it, I would have done it last year, but you know that it was impossible. Had Thomas lived, maybe than..." He couldn't continue.
Sydney's arguments and his knowledge of Miss Parker's thinking made sense to Jarod. Sydney was right, she would kill him (or at least severely damage him) if he told her about his involvement with her mother. Her mother was sacrosanct to her. If she thought her mother was a near saint and helping the children came close to sainthood, than maybe if Sydney told her... not quite! "Why didn't you tell her sooner?" He asked Sydney quietly, almost accusingly.
Sydney had closed his eyes, after his attempt to make himself more comfortable on the couch had failed, to conserve energy. Now he opened them again with weariness, "Don't you think I've not tried? I haven't done so for many reasons, Jarod. As I told you before, after the intended escape, Mrs Parker was presumed death, Major Charles (her presumed killer) on the run, Jacob in a coma in the hospital, I was recovering from the accident. You were still children and I was afraid for my life and my brother's life.
I didn't trust anybody at the Centre and did what I was supposed to do: teaching you, Miss Parker and the other children. Going through those... experiments," he closed his eyes briefly before continuing, "Then Miss Parker was sent to boarding school and I didn't see her back until after your escape. The joyful, innocent little girl had changed into a ruthless, climbing executive. Broots and I were assigned to her to find and capture you. Yet, over the last couple of years I had the feeling that the sweet little girl is still hiding somewhere within Miss Parker, she is just afraid to come out and show herself again. Centre-habit-forming I think.
When she came back, her mind was tunnel-versioned to the Centre and in particular her father. He told her lies; especially about her mother, partly to protect her. The less she knew the less she could stir and make life uncomfortable for certain people."
"You never told her any lies, did you Sydney?" Jarod asked with a hint of malice.
"Not as such, no. I might have withheld information. Sometimes not telling her the full story and even misdirected her thoughts on occasion or kept quiet, but I've never maliciously lied to her."
"Call it what you will, but a lie is still a lie by any other name."
Sydney knew he was right. Lying at the Centre wasn't only habit forming, but also a prerequisite and seemed like an essential part of your job-description. He shifted his position on the couch and Jarod could see that he was discomfited, but if that was the way he wanted it...
Sydney continued, "Even the mentioning of your name made her break out in gleeful pleasure or irate fury, depending on the occasion. You were in the way of her reach for power, the longer you were on the loose the higher she had to stretch. They had made her believe that the ones who had planned the escape also killed her mother. What do you think would have happened if I had told her? I also had to think about Jacob. And what if I wasn't there anymore when you would have been caught? So, I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell Broots in those years either, he was too much under her control," he stopped for a moment to have some tea, but found his cup empty.
Jarod went into the kitchen to make some more and was back in no time and had even brought Sydney a glass of water, which was gratefully accepted.
When they had settled down again, Sydney continued, "Then things started to unravel at the Centre, secrets were exposed, Jacob had died and I was hoping against hope that I might find a way to tell her and to win her over. But when we found out about Lyle, she was determined to stay at the Centre and find out more.
When Thomas was shot her determination grew into an obsession to find his killer at the Centre. When I was blinded by the explosion and had to work with Lyle for a while to survive and she found out I had planted the bomb, her trust in me became quite fragile for a while. And to crown it all, the truths about her mother..." He stopped too overcome by it all.
Jarod could see his point. To divulge the truth now would be like an act of suicide on Sydney's part, or at least it could be. Although Miss Parker had started to have doubts about the Centre, she had always trusted Sydney enough to show him her deepest secrets and feelings, feelings she wouldn't want or dare to share with others. That he couldn't reciprocate to her would make her feel betrayed, not worthy of his trust, not part of him. That his fears were well founded would make no difference. Jarod looked over at the older man and the anguish he saw portrayed in his eyes gripped his own heart. For Sydney to admit and to tell him this much placed a great burden on his shoulders and also made Sydney more vulnerable to Jarod. For once he didn't have a witty retort to what Sydney had told him.
The two men sat in silence for a while, each locked in their own thoughts. Finally it was Sydney who said, "I think I'm going to lie down for a short while, if you don't mind. I'm tired now."
Jarod helped him up from the couch and Sydney walked to the bedroom under his own steam. His movements that of an old man.
Jarod let him have some time for himself before he followed Sydney into the bedroom. Sydney had tried to get undressed, but finding the effort too much of a strain he had given up and decided to lie clothed on top of the bed and was now pretending to be dozing. Jarod wasn't fooled.
"Are you still thinking of going ahead with the escape?"
Sydney opened his eyes wearily, "Yes, if it is possible."
"I see that if we want Miss Parker to engage in our plan, we have to use different tactics. Once we have Miss Parker Broots will follow on his own. I don't think he will be a problem. To have her on our side we will have a tactical advantage. She knows more about company's policies and securities than you and me together."
"More than you, Jarod," Sydney asked mischievously.
"Yes. Broots will provide the computer skills necessary to disable all the cameras and find the blueprints for possible escape routes. Better still, we can use Angelo for the escape routes. His knowledge of the duct ways and the corridors is uncanny. I would go as far to say that his knowledge might even going beyond blueprints of the Centre.
I could rig up an alarm-disruptor from the outside, but I would rather have Broots on it from the inside. You are needed to get every calm and out of the building. Most of them trust you explicitly. But I think we will need one more person to herd them all out. You can't do it on your own. We also need another person to cover our backs.
My dad and I can wait outside for you in two get-away vans. But we need a minimum of two extra people to accomplish just the escape from the inside," he glanced at Sydney for approval and saw regret in his eyes, "Why the sadness? The plan could work!"
"Yes, I know, Jarod. At least a minimum of two more people. Suppose it works out all right! Suppose we get them all out of the Centre! Suppose we get everybody to safety!"
Jarod couldn't understand where Sydney was leading to and why he was getting so agitated. They were discussing the escape plan, weren't they? Wasn't it Sydney who was adamant they pursued this line of thinking? With luck they could even be successful, couldn't they? What about positive thinking? He frowned questioningly at Sydney.
"The Centre, Jarod, what about the Centre? (-Jarod's frown grew deeper-) Who's going to stop the Centre from restarting their programmes, abducting other children and maybe going to ground?"
Jarod's first instinct was to tell Sydney not to be such a pessimist, but he knew Sydney was right. In that light, planning an escape sounded simple, might even be easily accomplished. Jarod sat back and looked up at Sydney. The older man stared sadly ahead of him. The strain of the last few days apparent on his face and fever spots had gradually returned. How many times had he run the scenarios through his mind? How many times had he come to a dead end?
Strangely enough, Jarod felt guilty. How often had he accused Sydney of not caring, staying on at the Centre and not doing anything for the children, the "experiments", at the Centre? Sydney was right, just "saving the children" wasn't the only issue here. The whole and utter destruction of the Centre should be their main aim if they wanted to succeed properly and if they wanted to ensure the safety of the children they were going to rescue and the unknown children of the future.
Sydney could live with that concept and, Jarod suspected, so could Broots, but there was no way they would get Miss Parker's aid in the down fall of the Centre. Maybe the escape, but the Centre...
When Jarod looked up again he saw that Sydney had drifted off in slumber. He covered Sydney with the blanket, careful not to disturb him and than retreated to the living room, certain that he could leave him sleeping on his own without any worry. How wrong can you be? About an hour after he had left Sydney to sleep and made himself comfortable on the couch, he was woken up by a scream from Sydney.
Dreamscape
Darkness surrounded him like a cloak wherever he turned, almost tangible. No, not quite. There was a pinprick of light, just to the left and Sydney moved towards it. With no transition he stood in front of the Centre, the massive building towering over him. He looked at it with contempt. "Business as usual and another day at the office," he sneered, surprised by his own voice.
"Don't you want to go in, Freud?" he heard the voice of Miss Parker say.
He turned around and saw her standing behind him in her most stern stance, a sneer on her face. He moved towards her, but she lithely danced out of his way. Another step, another avoidance. He gave up and stood still.
"Why are you not in the Centre?" he asked.
"But we are, Sydney, can't you see?" she slowly waved her arms around. They were still outside, but the trees seemed to be made of steel girders, the grass like concrete and the bushes shimmered in a resemblance of desks. "There is no escape from the Centre, Sydney. You can try, but you won't succeed," her laughter was ringing in his ears when he tried running away from the building. But wherever he turned normal everyday objects and landscapes were turned into the Centre layout of corridors and rooms.
He stood still, "There must be a way out. There has to be."
"Oh, Sy-ydney," Miss Parker again. He turned around once more. She stood in front of the Centre, the children and the people Jarod and he had been discussing grouped around her. Scared faces stared back at him.
"You can have these if you want them. We don't need them anymore. We can have hundreds even thousands of them if we want to." With a click of her fingers a whole mass of people of all ages was assembled to the right of Sydney, another click and more were standing to the left of him. More clicks followed until he felt suffocated by the sheer mass of them. Just when he thought he was going to be overwhelmed by them all, there was one more click and everybody disappeared. He could still feel their oppressive presence.
"Now you see them, now you don't," Miss Parker giggled, "Have they gone or are they still there? Are you sure of what you seeing? Where are they now?" She clicked again and they were there, another click and they were gone. "I could play this game for hours. Can you stand the strain?"
Sydney could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't want to be here.
"O-o-oh, but Sydney, you don't want to leave without them, would you now?" The smaller group of people were grouped around her again. This time he could even make out Jarod among them. Funny, he hadn't seen him the first time.
He moved towards the group, but they seemed to retreat. Again he stopped.
"I give you two choices," Miss Parker started again, "You can forget about the whole deal and stay with us. Doing what you do best, cowering and taking orders. I show you what you will look like in a couple of years." She waved her hand and in front of her was a twisted replica of himself. He looked old and worn, sneering insanely back at him. His back bend, all semblance of dignity gone. Stroking the hair of one of the children in a mockery of parenthood. The real Sydney shuddered at the spectre.
"Or you could them and be damned," she screamed. And with another wave of her hand towards the group she made them explode. Bits of flesh and bones were hurled at him, the blood smearing his face. Angelo lay cowering on the ground, his legs a mess. Jarod was slowly stripped of his skin and crawled towards Sydney with an arm outstretched, "Help me, please Sydney, it hurts."
Sydney backed away from the carnage, but they followed him and finally the scream that had been building in him tore free. "No-o-o, not like this!"
When Jarod entered the room he found Sydney curled up in bed, tears streaming down his face. Great wracking sobs made his shoulders heave. Jarod walked to the bed, gathered Sydney in his arms and tried to calm him down. It was a while before he succeeded.
Sydney felt rather embarrassed for showing so much emotion. "It was just a stupid nightmare brought on by our conversation," he explained away sheepishly, "It's quite silly to tell yourself horror stories before you fall asleep. This is the result." He grinned wryly.
Jarod wasn't taken in by the flippancy and asked if he could remember any of it, sometimes talking about a nightmare made it go away. Sydney complied and told him as much as he could remember. "You see, it was just a result of the conversation. The fear of failing. The knowledge that it might start all over again. My fear of not being strong enough to see it through. All basic textbook concepts. Even a psychiatrist is just a human being." He gave a sardonic smile.
Jarod knew that the nightmare had shocked Sydney deeply, "But that doesn't mean that your fears aren't without foundation. Don't worry, Sydney, we will find a way. Give me some time to think about it." He squeezed Sydney's hand and the older man found comfort in it.
Later that evening Miss Parker rang them and asked after Sydney. Jarod told her that he was doing fine and that he just needed a week's rest to get himself back together again. She sounded pleased and relieved by the progress. It shouldn't be long before he would be back at the Centre again. When he said those words he glanced over at Sydney and the overwhelming sadness that issued from him almost made Jarod end the conversation. He looked away and continued talking to Miss Parker, "He has a hairline crack on one of his ribs. We've been to the hospital at Horne Bay and we told them a story that he was attacked by muggers and couldn't remember who they were. When we get closer to the time that he is well enough, maybe you can use that story at the Centre and maybe you can pick him up from a motel where I will be dropping him off. No, I don't think it will be a good idea to do it just yet. Give him another week to get his strength back. And than it will be business as usual."
He didn't see the shudder Sydney gave when those words reminded him of his nightmare. Had he not himself told Parker a couple of days ago that there were always choices? He just hoped they had enough time to make the right one.
When Jarod finished the call, he found Sydney staring intently at him. "We have to do something, Jarod. We can't let the Centre continue with their inhuman practices."
"You are quite right, Sydney, but what?"
"We have to bring the Centre down!"
"Just like that?"
"Just like that! I know it's not going to be easy," he looked away for a moment and gave a mirthless laugh, "Hell, it might be impossible. We might not even be around to see them rise from the ashes again. But I know we have to try. Just saving the children is not enough. They will just start the programmes up again. Of that I'm sure."
Jarod looked up guiltily, "I have been gathering information on their activities for the last couple of years, even downloading information."
"I know, or rather I guessed as much for a long while."
Jarod looked at him quizzically, "And you did nothing to stop it? Sydney! You have been thinking along the same lines, have you?"
"Yes, Jarod, I also have gathered information and for a lot longer than you did. In the beginning it started as a security measure. I am not that naïve to believe that one can work at the Centre and not be influenced by it or still be necessary to the organisation until you die of natural causes or go on retirement. What we are going to do with the information is another matter."
Jarod looked at his mentor with renewed admiration. Sydney had to look away, feeling embarrassed. Jarod said with a smile on his face, "And there you had us all thinking that you were the softest of the three. Well, Mr Mysteryman, what's the next step?"
"If I already knew what to do, I would have contacted you long before to discuss this, wouldn't I?" Sydney answered, annoyed with Jarod's inanity.
"Maybe."
"No, what we discussed earlier still holds. Nothing is changing that very much. I also realise that by sitting back on our hands we are not going to solve the problem. I am not sure how much time I have to be around to see it to its conclusion. (-"You'll live forever, Sydney."-) Nice try, Jarod, but flattery doesn't get you anywhere with me. I am going to be 63 this year. Any other man my age should be dreaming of retirement. It only gives me nightmares. With the knowledge what they have been doing, are still doing and what they can do..." he shuddered, "That brings us back to the first question, who do we involve?" Sydney stared forlornly ahead of him, "We have to try and win Miss Parker over. We might even have to tell her everything."
"Sydney, what are you saying? We just spend the greater part of the day analysing why we can't involve Miss Parker by telling her or what she might do to you if you did. And now you're telling me, we just have to tell her and damn the consequences? Are you still feverish?"
"I'm quite lucid, well - - as lucid as can be, thank you, and you're right, we will be damned with the consequences, whatever path we take. We both know that getting Miss Parker on our side will benefit either plan."
"I know that, but our earlier discussions have also shown that should she decide not to be involved, for whatever reason, she could be our most formidable foe!"
Sydney hung his head, "Yes, I know. And that is why I have decided to tell her everything."
"She won't like it. She'll kill you on the spot."
"She might and than again, she might not. That's a risk I have to take. She also might come to realise what a horror the Centre really is and what monsters dwell in it."
"What will you do if she opposes the plan? Kill her?"
"I don't think so. Restraining her might be a good option."
Jarod threw his arms in the air and put a scowl on his face, which could not banish the merriment in his eyes, "You really must have taken leave of your senses. First, you don't care that she might kill you, than you think it will be a good idea to restrain a pissed-off, irritated, aggravated Miss Parker on your own..."
"Who said anything about restraining her on my own?"
"...Add to that a pissed-off, put upon Jarod..."
"I can't do it on my own, whichever way you look at it. You yourself have been toying with the idea as well. We have to tell her before I go back to the Centre."
"I really start to believe you are out of your mind. You are hardly well enough to undress yourself without breaking into a sweat. (-Sydney was embarrassed that Jarod had noticed-) Even in a week's time you will still be as weak as a kitten and..."
"Stop, Jarod. I have made up my mind. I either tell her everything before I go back, with or without your help, or drop the whole plan."
"You are serious, aren't you?" Jarod cocked an eye at him.
"Weren't you?"
"Yes, but..."
"Jarod for years you have accused me of standing by the side, of following Centre's policies and hunting you down. Yet, secretly, I believe you enjoy being the prey, being hunted down, being the centre of attention and making faces at the Centre. "See how well I can do without you and see how many wrongs I can right against your evil?" To you it's all a game, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't put it that way..."
"It is a game to you, Jarod, a dangerous game for sure, but still nothing more than a game, an extended sim." Sydney could see the anger building in Jarod, but he had to be brought down a peg, so in his calm voice he pressed on, "If it wasn't, why leave us all the clues to make it able to find you? Why do you keep contacting me, insulting me at times." Sydney's calm, measured tones were starting to penetrate Jarod's armour.
"My mind..."
"Your mind is brilliant. It just loathes boredom."
"Revenge for the years that have been taken from me..."
"Poppycock, Jarod. Revenge was only a by-line to you."
"My family..."
"If you really wanted to find them all, if you really wanted to disappear, you could. You know you can. Maybe you didn't want to..."
"You..." Jarod jumped up, anger blazing in his eyes, intent on laying his hands around Sydney's throat and squeezing the life out of him. To let him eat all the words he had been saying to him.
Sydney had been expecting this, as a matter of fact instigated it. He had to find out if he could stand up to an anger-assault of "his children" and if he could still control their actions.
During the heated conversation he had gradually thrown the covers off, pleased that Jarod's mind was otherwise occupied, and now wasn't hindered when he rolled to the other side of the bed, out of harms way of Jarod's grasping hands.
Jarod clutched at empty air where Sydney's throat was supposed to be. He snarled and turned to the other side of the bed where Sydney had disappeared from view. Only a small part of him wondered what had happened to his normal, cool collected self.
Sydney had rolled off the bed and grunted when, despite the easy landing, he landed on his left side. He was out of breath and slightly dizzy. "Maybe I tried it too soon," he mused while he determined Jarod's next actions.
When Jarod got around to the other side of the bed he partly took in that Sydney was trying to get into an upright position and failing miserably. The other part had malice in mind and he practically launched himself at the older man.
Sydney had rolled onto his back and parried Jarod's attack with his right arm. The full weight of Jarod crashed on top of him and knocked the breath out of him. Before he could say anything, Jarod had landed a right-handed punch on his jaw. When Jarod moved his right hand back to release another punch (-in panic Sydney realised that it might land on his already battered ribs-), he managed to get some of his breath back and in a commanding tone of voice said, "Stop! Jarod, end now!"
As if a switch had been thrown Jarod ceased. He shook his head in bewilderment and stumbled off Sydney. When he looked down he stared in Sydney's pain filled eyes.
"I...I am sorry, Syd," he said when he helped his mentor up who all but fell into the bed, clutching his side more tightly and breathing heavily. "I don't know what came over me. If you hadn't stopped me... I don't know what I would have done to you. I'm sorry." He was as pale-faced as Sydney and looked utterly dejectedly. Guilt bringing tears close to the surface.
Sydney took quick, short breaths and tried to grin at Jarod through his pain, "You have nothing to feel sorry about, Jarod. It is I who should apologise. I pushed too far, too fast and too hard. My own stupid experiment gone wrong, especially since, as you said, I am not up to it at the moment." He lay back into the pillows, completely drained.
"Some of what you said was true, I have to be honest. Maybe that was what made me so angry. But not all of it!"
"I know, Jarod," Sydney's voice sounded tired, "It was unfair to you, but I had to know how you would react. I had to know if I could fend for myself. I should have tried in a couple of days." He coughed and clutched his side tightly.
"You alright, Syd?"
"I will be," Sydney answered, his mind already drifting off after the exertion, "Just give me some time to get my breath back." Before he knew it he was asleep.
Jarod looked down on his sleeping form with a mixed feeling of guilt, sorrow and anger. Guilt of losing his control like that, even if Sydney had instigated it in the first place. Sorrow for what this whole line of thought was putting them through. And anger for the feelings and thoughts Sydney had risen in him. Even if it was done as calculatingly as Sydney had intended, he had no right to say that he had not been looking for his family and implying that they had not been foremost in his heart and mind. Again he could feel his anger build in him and made an effort to calm it down.
Sydney had no right to weasel these feeling out of him. He was still as manipulative as he had been when he was his mentor at the Centre. What if this was all a ruse to get him back to the Centre? No, on second thought it must have been Sydney's Catholic upbringing and the need for absolution of any kind. How many people was he going to bring down with him in the process? Jarod left the room leaving Sydney to his own nightmares, while he made himself comfortable on the couch once more to catch up on some sleep.
Sorry, had planned to finish this "short" story in three parts. Logic demands that I will have to write a concluding part. A confrontation with Miss Parker should be the conclusion, for better or for worse. Bear with me.
Title: Haunting memories 3
Author: Giton
Rating: R, I guess, some Angst involved
Spoilers: Maybe Season 4, definitely "Junk"
Keywords: Sydney's past is catching up
Summary: Plans forged and confrontations taken on (last part? Not!)
Haunting Memories 3
By Giton
On the road
Jarod drove fast, but carefully, each unexpected swerve or bump in the road causing Sydney to involuntarily moan saw to that. He drove North out of Blue Cove, skipped the next town and the next village and than drove into the village of Horne Bay. The sun had already started to dip towards the horizon when he arrived at the hospital.
Horne Bay hospital had a view over the ocean and at any other given day Jarod would have paused to observe the majesty of that vast expanse of water. Now his main concern was to get Sydney into the hospital and checked out.
All through the ride, Sydney had not regained full awareness and Jarod had to ask for help to get him inside. He presented himself as Doctor Jarod Mallard who had brought his father, Sydney Mallard, in. When he made himself this new identity a couple of months ago, he had to chuckle at the wordplay and some quip in his sense of humour had made Sydney his father, should they ever want to check on his background. He was glad he had done it now, so that when speaking to Sydney in a more private manner or having to sign for his release papers later would pose no problem.
Sydney was quickly admitted and Jarod explained that "his father" had been mugged a couple of days prior while he was on holiday and that it was only today that he (Jarod) had found him semi-conscious in the motel-room. He had not thought that the collapse was due to a heart attack but the result of the mugging.
The doctors quickly confirmed Jarod's diagnosis and send Sydney off for X-rays. A nurse issued Jarod into a side-room to await the results, which weren't long in coming.
Jarod had been staring out of one of the windows in the waiting room, which gave way to a beautiful panoramic view of the Bay, when a young doctor, about Jarod's age, entered.
"Doctor Mallard?"
"Yes."
"Hello. I'm Doctor McKenzie. We have just finished examining your father and have some good news for you. You were right in assuming that he wasn't suffering from a heart attack or even a heart related problem. Your father's heart is pretty strong for a man his age. We have, however, found a hairline fracture on the fifth rib, which must have caused the collapse. You may well be aware that since this is a moving bone it will be hard to stop him from moving it, apart from stopping his breathing for a long while," he grinned and Jarod grinned back, "but that is rather drastic measure. There is nothing much we can do, other than taping his chest-section up to make him more comfortable and suggest complete rest for about a week and than to let him take it very easy for a while until the fracture heals up. It depends per person how long that is going to take.
We did find some strange bruising around the chest-area and the lower left arm. Has your father spoken to you about the attack?"
"Not exactly... I knew he was on holiday and once every couple of days we would ring each other to make sure everything was all right. When he didn't contact me last night I went to his last known location and found him on the motel floor. He was conscious for only a brief spell in which he told me that he had been attacked near the motel. He remembered getting himself back to the room, but other than that was a complete blank to him."
"He might have suffered a mild concussion, for there were no traces of extensive damage to either the brain or the skull, even though he has a bruise at the side of his head. There are also the strange bruises on his arm and chest. Does your father take... medication intravenously?"
"I don't think so. He might take a couple of Tylenols on a whole year. He is not very keen of medication of any kind."
"Hmm... The bruises on his arm might have another cause, but at first glance they almost seem like injection scars. The bruises on his chest are a different matter. They are strange in appearance, almost circular and mainly superficial, had they been stabs by, say, a stick there would have been more damage below the surface of the contusions, yet there don't seem to be any. Ah well... Until your father can remember what has happened to him that night we won't know, will we?" He was good, better than Jarod would have wanted. He had hoped to get the "normal country emergency-treatment", but this doctor must have given his full attention to Sydney. Part of him was very glad about this and another part very suspicious.
"No, I don't think we will."
"Have you informed the police about it already?"
"No, I will when I get back, and hopefully my father can remember more."
"Yes, I hope he will. Would you like to see him now?"
"Yes, please. How long will it be before I can take him home?"
"Do you live far from here?"
"Not too far."
"I thought you said he was on holiday?"
"Yes, he was, I wasn't. Although he might come and settle down around here in a short while, once he gets used to the word "retirement"."
"Sounds like my old man." Both men laughed.
Than Jarod looked at McKenzie again with a question on his face. "Oh, yes, sorry, when can you take him home... Well, since your house is not that far from here, I would suggest tomorrow morning. I'd like to keep him in overnight for observation." When they were walking down the corridor, the doctor tried to make some small talk, "I saw from the details of your forms that you are both doctors. Both in the same field?"
"No," Jarod answered lightly, "My father is a psychiatrist and I am a General Practitioner."
"Hmm... Good thing you are, most people go into panic-mode when something happens to their parents." They had reached one of the private rooms, but the room was empty. "He'll be here shortly. Is there anything you need? Or would you prefer to stay in one of the guest-rooms?"
"To both counts: no, but thanks anyway. I just sit with him for a while, if you don't mind?"
"Not at all. If you need anything you can always ask nurse and should any problems occur during the night don't hesitate to ask for me." Jarod thanked him and he left. Jarod sat down.
When they wheeled Sydney in he looked wan but awake. They waited, not speaking to each other until the nurses had made Sydney comfortable on the bed and had left the room. They had taped Sydney's chest up and put his left arm in a sling to take the strain off that side of the body. He still wasn't breathing normally, but it was an improvement compared to a few hours earlier.
"How're you feeling, dad?" Jarod asked, keeping the pretence going in case anybody walked by.
"Better, Jarod."
"They asked me if you could remember more of the attack on you?"
"No, I can't even remember what day it is."
"It will come back to you. Rest now, tomorrow I'm taking you home." There was a tinge of panic in Sydney's eyes. "Don't worry. They want to make sure you are all right, so they want to keep you for the night. Rest now. I'll keep an eye on you." "And keep watch, just in case they inform anybody of our presence here," his eyes were saying to Sydney, who finally relaxed and let himself slip into a light slumber.
Later that night McKenzie dropped in to see how his patient was faring and found them both asleep, although the older Mallard woke up just before he left the room. McKenzie moved over to the other side of the bed and whispered, to leave Jarod sleeping, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," mouthed Sydney. "Can you remember more of the attack?" Sydney shook his head slowly. For a minute McKenzie was wondering if his patient had lost the power of speech as well as parts of his memory, until he noticed the way Jarod had fallen asleep. His head was resting on his right arm, but his left arm was flung loosely over the older Mallard's chest. If the son were a light sleeper, his father's talking would have caused the chest-area to vibrate and wake him up. McKenzie nodded in sympathetic understanding, Sydney smiled back at him. McKenzie left quietly, leaving the Mallards to their rest.
The next morning they paid up the bill in cash, which Jarod had acquired just before Sydney was ready to leave. They thanked McKenzie for his care with the promise to inform the police about the attack as soon as they got back and left the hospital. Sydney walked slowly, which pleased Jarod, with hardly any support.
Jarod sometimes took to the smaller roads to make sure they weren't followed out of force of habit. When they got back to Miss Parker's cabin, Sydney declined to go to bed. "But you need complete rest!"
"Yes, complete rest, not total paralysis! I've had enough of beds for the moment, thank you!" The outburst made him gasp for breath, so he sat down on Miss Parker's couch, "Please, Jarod, I need to feel like a whole human being for a while instead of an invalid. I promise I will lie down shortly."
Jarod shrugged his shoulders and went into the kitchen to prepare them some tea and toast. When he came back into the room he found Sydney laid back and with his eyes closed, but he opened them immediately when Jarod stepped into the room.
During breakfast Jarod observed his former mentor and found him looking better than he had for days, even his breathing had eased, but his movements were still tentative. He seemed to have aged a bit since he had last seen him. With a grin he said, "You gave me quite a scare there."
"Sorry, didn't mean to."
"You want to rest now or..."
"No, like you I want to talk about the escape-plan. Unlike you, I want to discuss the probabilities of the now instead of the possibilities of the past."
Jarod bowed his head. Sydney was right, his obsession with the past sometimes hindered his actions of the future. "It will be more difficult than it was then. (-"Yes."-) There are more children and even adults to rescue this time. (-"Hmm..."-) The alarm system will have been improved and the security tighter. (-"..."-) We would have to find new co-conspirators. Would it be people we trust? Outsiders? Or from the Centre? Who can we trust, Sydney?"
"We could try Broots, but he won't do anything against Miss Parker's wishes. It is Miss Parker we have to concentrate on. Sometimes she gives me the impression that she wants to put an end to all the Centre's activities. At other times she is more in favour of keeping the show going than Raines is. Although of late... (-Jarod raised his eyebrow-) Well, what with Thomas being killed, her father marrying and having a child with the woman who tried to kill him, finding out about Lyle's unsavoury... hobbies, finding out about her mother, seeing that the Centre has made a clone of you, finding out about an unknown brother... The list is too long to go on. Any normal person would feel cheated or betrayed if any of that would happen to them. But Miss Parker was raised in the Centre, there's no telling what she might consider "normal"," he took a sip of tea, wincing when he sat back, "To give her her due, if her mind had been totally and immorally messed up she would have left me in Raines' "care". She would have send in the Sweepers to pick you up, maybe it's because I'm her co-worker..."
"That's bull, Syd, and you know it," Jarod said angrily, "I don't think that Miss Parker just sees you as a colleague. You have always been there for her. And she must see you as a father figure, especially since her father tries hard to ignore her. Are you both so thickheaded that you won't admit it to each other? Or even to yourselves?"
"I don't want to be presumptuous..."
"Presumptuous! Sydney! I know you don't go out that much. I know you don't like to share your feelings! But be honest with yourself! You have treated her like a daughter, like you treated me like a... If we want to get her on our side, we have to work on that. I am almost sure she will join us. When you tell her about her mother's initial plan..."
"No! I can't Jarod," Sydney said with sorrow and regret in his voice, "If I tell her now, she will believe that I either lied to her or kept her from her mother's secrets. She will hate me for not trusting her enough to have told her earlier, and she would be right in assuming that. She will feel betrayed and she had enough of that by others lately. Remember how you behaved last night when I accidentally slipped it?"
"Was it an accident, Sydney? Or did you want me to know?"
"I don't know. But can you imagine what her reaction will be? I think I can. First, she'll want to murder me for not telling her earlier. Than she will want to kill me for telling her a "lie" about me and her mother and everybody else who had been involved, just to be able to get her on our team. Next she might go to her father and tell him about the plan, who will than kill me for being a liability to the Centre and for knowing his wife better than he did. About the last part I'm not too worried, but if he finds out, the plan will die an easy death. It would have been better if we would not even been having this conversation." He leaned back exhausted. "Don't you think I have not been thinking about that scenario over the last years? I have and always came to a dead end. First I thought it was pure cowardice on my part, but than I realised, and still realise, that I just didn't have an option on that part."
Sydney's voice had dropped as if extremely tired and now he lay back and looked at Jarod with deep concern, "If I could have done it, I would have done it last year, but you know that it was impossible. Had Thomas lived, maybe than..." He couldn't continue.
Sydney's arguments and his knowledge of Miss Parker's thinking made sense to Jarod. Sydney was right, she would kill him (or at least severely damage him) if he told her about his involvement with her mother. Her mother was sacrosanct to her. If she thought her mother was a near saint and helping the children came close to sainthood, than maybe if Sydney told her... not quite! "Why didn't you tell her sooner?" He asked Sydney quietly, almost accusingly.
Sydney had closed his eyes, after his attempt to make himself more comfortable on the couch had failed, to conserve energy. Now he opened them again with weariness, "Don't you think I've not tried? I haven't done so for many reasons, Jarod. As I told you before, after the intended escape, Mrs Parker was presumed death, Major Charles (her presumed killer) on the run, Jacob in a coma in the hospital, I was recovering from the accident. You were still children and I was afraid for my life and my brother's life.
I didn't trust anybody at the Centre and did what I was supposed to do: teaching you, Miss Parker and the other children. Going through those... experiments," he closed his eyes briefly before continuing, "Then Miss Parker was sent to boarding school and I didn't see her back until after your escape. The joyful, innocent little girl had changed into a ruthless, climbing executive. Broots and I were assigned to her to find and capture you. Yet, over the last couple of years I had the feeling that the sweet little girl is still hiding somewhere within Miss Parker, she is just afraid to come out and show herself again. Centre-habit-forming I think.
When she came back, her mind was tunnel-versioned to the Centre and in particular her father. He told her lies; especially about her mother, partly to protect her. The less she knew the less she could stir and make life uncomfortable for certain people."
"You never told her any lies, did you Sydney?" Jarod asked with a hint of malice.
"Not as such, no. I might have withheld information. Sometimes not telling her the full story and even misdirected her thoughts on occasion or kept quiet, but I've never maliciously lied to her."
"Call it what you will, but a lie is still a lie by any other name."
Sydney knew he was right. Lying at the Centre wasn't only habit forming, but also a prerequisite and seemed like an essential part of your job-description. He shifted his position on the couch and Jarod could see that he was discomfited, but if that was the way he wanted it...
Sydney continued, "Even the mentioning of your name made her break out in gleeful pleasure or irate fury, depending on the occasion. You were in the way of her reach for power, the longer you were on the loose the higher she had to stretch. They had made her believe that the ones who had planned the escape also killed her mother. What do you think would have happened if I had told her? I also had to think about Jacob. And what if I wasn't there anymore when you would have been caught? So, I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell Broots in those years either, he was too much under her control," he stopped for a moment to have some tea, but found his cup empty.
Jarod went into the kitchen to make some more and was back in no time and had even brought Sydney a glass of water, which was gratefully accepted.
When they had settled down again, Sydney continued, "Then things started to unravel at the Centre, secrets were exposed, Jacob had died and I was hoping against hope that I might find a way to tell her and to win her over. But when we found out about Lyle, she was determined to stay at the Centre and find out more.
When Thomas was shot her determination grew into an obsession to find his killer at the Centre. When I was blinded by the explosion and had to work with Lyle for a while to survive and she found out I had planted the bomb, her trust in me became quite fragile for a while. And to crown it all, the truths about her mother..." He stopped too overcome by it all.
Jarod could see his point. To divulge the truth now would be like an act of suicide on Sydney's part, or at least it could be. Although Miss Parker had started to have doubts about the Centre, she had always trusted Sydney enough to show him her deepest secrets and feelings, feelings she wouldn't want or dare to share with others. That he couldn't reciprocate to her would make her feel betrayed, not worthy of his trust, not part of him. That his fears were well founded would make no difference. Jarod looked over at the older man and the anguish he saw portrayed in his eyes gripped his own heart. For Sydney to admit and to tell him this much placed a great burden on his shoulders and also made Sydney more vulnerable to Jarod. For once he didn't have a witty retort to what Sydney had told him.
The two men sat in silence for a while, each locked in their own thoughts. Finally it was Sydney who said, "I think I'm going to lie down for a short while, if you don't mind. I'm tired now."
Jarod helped him up from the couch and Sydney walked to the bedroom under his own steam. His movements that of an old man.
Jarod let him have some time for himself before he followed Sydney into the bedroom. Sydney had tried to get undressed, but finding the effort too much of a strain he had given up and decided to lie clothed on top of the bed and was now pretending to be dozing. Jarod wasn't fooled.
"Are you still thinking of going ahead with the escape?"
Sydney opened his eyes wearily, "Yes, if it is possible."
"I see that if we want Miss Parker to engage in our plan, we have to use different tactics. Once we have Miss Parker Broots will follow on his own. I don't think he will be a problem. To have her on our side we will have a tactical advantage. She knows more about company's policies and securities than you and me together."
"More than you, Jarod," Sydney asked mischievously.
"Yes. Broots will provide the computer skills necessary to disable all the cameras and find the blueprints for possible escape routes. Better still, we can use Angelo for the escape routes. His knowledge of the duct ways and the corridors is uncanny. I would go as far to say that his knowledge might even going beyond blueprints of the Centre.
I could rig up an alarm-disruptor from the outside, but I would rather have Broots on it from the inside. You are needed to get every calm and out of the building. Most of them trust you explicitly. But I think we will need one more person to herd them all out. You can't do it on your own. We also need another person to cover our backs.
My dad and I can wait outside for you in two get-away vans. But we need a minimum of two extra people to accomplish just the escape from the inside," he glanced at Sydney for approval and saw regret in his eyes, "Why the sadness? The plan could work!"
"Yes, I know, Jarod. At least a minimum of two more people. Suppose it works out all right! Suppose we get them all out of the Centre! Suppose we get everybody to safety!"
Jarod couldn't understand where Sydney was leading to and why he was getting so agitated. They were discussing the escape plan, weren't they? Wasn't it Sydney who was adamant they pursued this line of thinking? With luck they could even be successful, couldn't they? What about positive thinking? He frowned questioningly at Sydney.
"The Centre, Jarod, what about the Centre? (-Jarod's frown grew deeper-) Who's going to stop the Centre from restarting their programmes, abducting other children and maybe going to ground?"
Jarod's first instinct was to tell Sydney not to be such a pessimist, but he knew Sydney was right. In that light, planning an escape sounded simple, might even be easily accomplished. Jarod sat back and looked up at Sydney. The older man stared sadly ahead of him. The strain of the last few days apparent on his face and fever spots had gradually returned. How many times had he run the scenarios through his mind? How many times had he come to a dead end?
Strangely enough, Jarod felt guilty. How often had he accused Sydney of not caring, staying on at the Centre and not doing anything for the children, the "experiments", at the Centre? Sydney was right, just "saving the children" wasn't the only issue here. The whole and utter destruction of the Centre should be their main aim if they wanted to succeed properly and if they wanted to ensure the safety of the children they were going to rescue and the unknown children of the future.
Sydney could live with that concept and, Jarod suspected, so could Broots, but there was no way they would get Miss Parker's aid in the down fall of the Centre. Maybe the escape, but the Centre...
When Jarod looked up again he saw that Sydney had drifted off in slumber. He covered Sydney with the blanket, careful not to disturb him and than retreated to the living room, certain that he could leave him sleeping on his own without any worry. How wrong can you be? About an hour after he had left Sydney to sleep and made himself comfortable on the couch, he was woken up by a scream from Sydney.
Dreamscape
Darkness surrounded him like a cloak wherever he turned, almost tangible. No, not quite. There was a pinprick of light, just to the left and Sydney moved towards it. With no transition he stood in front of the Centre, the massive building towering over him. He looked at it with contempt. "Business as usual and another day at the office," he sneered, surprised by his own voice.
"Don't you want to go in, Freud?" he heard the voice of Miss Parker say.
He turned around and saw her standing behind him in her most stern stance, a sneer on her face. He moved towards her, but she lithely danced out of his way. Another step, another avoidance. He gave up and stood still.
"Why are you not in the Centre?" he asked.
"But we are, Sydney, can't you see?" she slowly waved her arms around. They were still outside, but the trees seemed to be made of steel girders, the grass like concrete and the bushes shimmered in a resemblance of desks. "There is no escape from the Centre, Sydney. You can try, but you won't succeed," her laughter was ringing in his ears when he tried running away from the building. But wherever he turned normal everyday objects and landscapes were turned into the Centre layout of corridors and rooms.
He stood still, "There must be a way out. There has to be."
"Oh, Sy-ydney," Miss Parker again. He turned around once more. She stood in front of the Centre, the children and the people Jarod and he had been discussing grouped around her. Scared faces stared back at him.
"You can have these if you want them. We don't need them anymore. We can have hundreds even thousands of them if we want to." With a click of her fingers a whole mass of people of all ages was assembled to the right of Sydney, another click and more were standing to the left of him. More clicks followed until he felt suffocated by the sheer mass of them. Just when he thought he was going to be overwhelmed by them all, there was one more click and everybody disappeared. He could still feel their oppressive presence.
"Now you see them, now you don't," Miss Parker giggled, "Have they gone or are they still there? Are you sure of what you seeing? Where are they now?" She clicked again and they were there, another click and they were gone. "I could play this game for hours. Can you stand the strain?"
Sydney could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't want to be here.
"O-o-oh, but Sydney, you don't want to leave without them, would you now?" The smaller group of people were grouped around her again. This time he could even make out Jarod among them. Funny, he hadn't seen him the first time.
He moved towards the group, but they seemed to retreat. Again he stopped.
"I give you two choices," Miss Parker started again, "You can forget about the whole deal and stay with us. Doing what you do best, cowering and taking orders. I show you what you will look like in a couple of years." She waved her hand and in front of her was a twisted replica of himself. He looked old and worn, sneering insanely back at him. His back bend, all semblance of dignity gone. Stroking the hair of one of the children in a mockery of parenthood. The real Sydney shuddered at the spectre.
"Or you could them and be damned," she screamed. And with another wave of her hand towards the group she made them explode. Bits of flesh and bones were hurled at him, the blood smearing his face. Angelo lay cowering on the ground, his legs a mess. Jarod was slowly stripped of his skin and crawled towards Sydney with an arm outstretched, "Help me, please Sydney, it hurts."
Sydney backed away from the carnage, but they followed him and finally the scream that had been building in him tore free. "No-o-o, not like this!"
When Jarod entered the room he found Sydney curled up in bed, tears streaming down his face. Great wracking sobs made his shoulders heave. Jarod walked to the bed, gathered Sydney in his arms and tried to calm him down. It was a while before he succeeded.
Sydney felt rather embarrassed for showing so much emotion. "It was just a stupid nightmare brought on by our conversation," he explained away sheepishly, "It's quite silly to tell yourself horror stories before you fall asleep. This is the result." He grinned wryly.
Jarod wasn't taken in by the flippancy and asked if he could remember any of it, sometimes talking about a nightmare made it go away. Sydney complied and told him as much as he could remember. "You see, it was just a result of the conversation. The fear of failing. The knowledge that it might start all over again. My fear of not being strong enough to see it through. All basic textbook concepts. Even a psychiatrist is just a human being." He gave a sardonic smile.
Jarod knew that the nightmare had shocked Sydney deeply, "But that doesn't mean that your fears aren't without foundation. Don't worry, Sydney, we will find a way. Give me some time to think about it." He squeezed Sydney's hand and the older man found comfort in it.
Later that evening Miss Parker rang them and asked after Sydney. Jarod told her that he was doing fine and that he just needed a week's rest to get himself back together again. She sounded pleased and relieved by the progress. It shouldn't be long before he would be back at the Centre again. When he said those words he glanced over at Sydney and the overwhelming sadness that issued from him almost made Jarod end the conversation. He looked away and continued talking to Miss Parker, "He has a hairline crack on one of his ribs. We've been to the hospital at Horne Bay and we told them a story that he was attacked by muggers and couldn't remember who they were. When we get closer to the time that he is well enough, maybe you can use that story at the Centre and maybe you can pick him up from a motel where I will be dropping him off. No, I don't think it will be a good idea to do it just yet. Give him another week to get his strength back. And than it will be business as usual."
He didn't see the shudder Sydney gave when those words reminded him of his nightmare. Had he not himself told Parker a couple of days ago that there were always choices? He just hoped they had enough time to make the right one.
When Jarod finished the call, he found Sydney staring intently at him. "We have to do something, Jarod. We can't let the Centre continue with their inhuman practices."
"You are quite right, Sydney, but what?"
"We have to bring the Centre down!"
"Just like that?"
"Just like that! I know it's not going to be easy," he looked away for a moment and gave a mirthless laugh, "Hell, it might be impossible. We might not even be around to see them rise from the ashes again. But I know we have to try. Just saving the children is not enough. They will just start the programmes up again. Of that I'm sure."
Jarod looked up guiltily, "I have been gathering information on their activities for the last couple of years, even downloading information."
"I know, or rather I guessed as much for a long while."
Jarod looked at him quizzically, "And you did nothing to stop it? Sydney! You have been thinking along the same lines, have you?"
"Yes, Jarod, I also have gathered information and for a lot longer than you did. In the beginning it started as a security measure. I am not that naïve to believe that one can work at the Centre and not be influenced by it or still be necessary to the organisation until you die of natural causes or go on retirement. What we are going to do with the information is another matter."
Jarod looked at his mentor with renewed admiration. Sydney had to look away, feeling embarrassed. Jarod said with a smile on his face, "And there you had us all thinking that you were the softest of the three. Well, Mr Mysteryman, what's the next step?"
"If I already knew what to do, I would have contacted you long before to discuss this, wouldn't I?" Sydney answered, annoyed with Jarod's inanity.
"Maybe."
"No, what we discussed earlier still holds. Nothing is changing that very much. I also realise that by sitting back on our hands we are not going to solve the problem. I am not sure how much time I have to be around to see it to its conclusion. (-"You'll live forever, Sydney."-) Nice try, Jarod, but flattery doesn't get you anywhere with me. I am going to be 63 this year. Any other man my age should be dreaming of retirement. It only gives me nightmares. With the knowledge what they have been doing, are still doing and what they can do..." he shuddered, "That brings us back to the first question, who do we involve?" Sydney stared forlornly ahead of him, "We have to try and win Miss Parker over. We might even have to tell her everything."
"Sydney, what are you saying? We just spend the greater part of the day analysing why we can't involve Miss Parker by telling her or what she might do to you if you did. And now you're telling me, we just have to tell her and damn the consequences? Are you still feverish?"
"I'm quite lucid, well - - as lucid as can be, thank you, and you're right, we will be damned with the consequences, whatever path we take. We both know that getting Miss Parker on our side will benefit either plan."
"I know that, but our earlier discussions have also shown that should she decide not to be involved, for whatever reason, she could be our most formidable foe!"
Sydney hung his head, "Yes, I know. And that is why I have decided to tell her everything."
"She won't like it. She'll kill you on the spot."
"She might and than again, she might not. That's a risk I have to take. She also might come to realise what a horror the Centre really is and what monsters dwell in it."
"What will you do if she opposes the plan? Kill her?"
"I don't think so. Restraining her might be a good option."
Jarod threw his arms in the air and put a scowl on his face, which could not banish the merriment in his eyes, "You really must have taken leave of your senses. First, you don't care that she might kill you, than you think it will be a good idea to restrain a pissed-off, irritated, aggravated Miss Parker on your own..."
"Who said anything about restraining her on my own?"
"...Add to that a pissed-off, put upon Jarod..."
"I can't do it on my own, whichever way you look at it. You yourself have been toying with the idea as well. We have to tell her before I go back to the Centre."
"I really start to believe you are out of your mind. You are hardly well enough to undress yourself without breaking into a sweat. (-Sydney was embarrassed that Jarod had noticed-) Even in a week's time you will still be as weak as a kitten and..."
"Stop, Jarod. I have made up my mind. I either tell her everything before I go back, with or without your help, or drop the whole plan."
"You are serious, aren't you?" Jarod cocked an eye at him.
"Weren't you?"
"Yes, but..."
"Jarod for years you have accused me of standing by the side, of following Centre's policies and hunting you down. Yet, secretly, I believe you enjoy being the prey, being hunted down, being the centre of attention and making faces at the Centre. "See how well I can do without you and see how many wrongs I can right against your evil?" To you it's all a game, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't put it that way..."
"It is a game to you, Jarod, a dangerous game for sure, but still nothing more than a game, an extended sim." Sydney could see the anger building in Jarod, but he had to be brought down a peg, so in his calm voice he pressed on, "If it wasn't, why leave us all the clues to make it able to find you? Why do you keep contacting me, insulting me at times." Sydney's calm, measured tones were starting to penetrate Jarod's armour.
"My mind..."
"Your mind is brilliant. It just loathes boredom."
"Revenge for the years that have been taken from me..."
"Poppycock, Jarod. Revenge was only a by-line to you."
"My family..."
"If you really wanted to find them all, if you really wanted to disappear, you could. You know you can. Maybe you didn't want to..."
"You..." Jarod jumped up, anger blazing in his eyes, intent on laying his hands around Sydney's throat and squeezing the life out of him. To let him eat all the words he had been saying to him.
Sydney had been expecting this, as a matter of fact instigated it. He had to find out if he could stand up to an anger-assault of "his children" and if he could still control their actions.
During the heated conversation he had gradually thrown the covers off, pleased that Jarod's mind was otherwise occupied, and now wasn't hindered when he rolled to the other side of the bed, out of harms way of Jarod's grasping hands.
Jarod clutched at empty air where Sydney's throat was supposed to be. He snarled and turned to the other side of the bed where Sydney had disappeared from view. Only a small part of him wondered what had happened to his normal, cool collected self.
Sydney had rolled off the bed and grunted when, despite the easy landing, he landed on his left side. He was out of breath and slightly dizzy. "Maybe I tried it too soon," he mused while he determined Jarod's next actions.
When Jarod got around to the other side of the bed he partly took in that Sydney was trying to get into an upright position and failing miserably. The other part had malice in mind and he practically launched himself at the older man.
Sydney had rolled onto his back and parried Jarod's attack with his right arm. The full weight of Jarod crashed on top of him and knocked the breath out of him. Before he could say anything, Jarod had landed a right-handed punch on his jaw. When Jarod moved his right hand back to release another punch (-in panic Sydney realised that it might land on his already battered ribs-), he managed to get some of his breath back and in a commanding tone of voice said, "Stop! Jarod, end now!"
As if a switch had been thrown Jarod ceased. He shook his head in bewilderment and stumbled off Sydney. When he looked down he stared in Sydney's pain filled eyes.
"I...I am sorry, Syd," he said when he helped his mentor up who all but fell into the bed, clutching his side more tightly and breathing heavily. "I don't know what came over me. If you hadn't stopped me... I don't know what I would have done to you. I'm sorry." He was as pale-faced as Sydney and looked utterly dejectedly. Guilt bringing tears close to the surface.
Sydney took quick, short breaths and tried to grin at Jarod through his pain, "You have nothing to feel sorry about, Jarod. It is I who should apologise. I pushed too far, too fast and too hard. My own stupid experiment gone wrong, especially since, as you said, I am not up to it at the moment." He lay back into the pillows, completely drained.
"Some of what you said was true, I have to be honest. Maybe that was what made me so angry. But not all of it!"
"I know, Jarod," Sydney's voice sounded tired, "It was unfair to you, but I had to know how you would react. I had to know if I could fend for myself. I should have tried in a couple of days." He coughed and clutched his side tightly.
"You alright, Syd?"
"I will be," Sydney answered, his mind already drifting off after the exertion, "Just give me some time to get my breath back." Before he knew it he was asleep.
Jarod looked down on his sleeping form with a mixed feeling of guilt, sorrow and anger. Guilt of losing his control like that, even if Sydney had instigated it in the first place. Sorrow for what this whole line of thought was putting them through. And anger for the feelings and thoughts Sydney had risen in him. Even if it was done as calculatingly as Sydney had intended, he had no right to say that he had not been looking for his family and implying that they had not been foremost in his heart and mind. Again he could feel his anger build in him and made an effort to calm it down.
Sydney had no right to weasel these feeling out of him. He was still as manipulative as he had been when he was his mentor at the Centre. What if this was all a ruse to get him back to the Centre? No, on second thought it must have been Sydney's Catholic upbringing and the need for absolution of any kind. How many people was he going to bring down with him in the process? Jarod left the room leaving Sydney to his own nightmares, while he made himself comfortable on the couch once more to catch up on some sleep.
Sorry, had planned to finish this "short" story in three parts. Logic demands that I will have to write a concluding part. A confrontation with Miss Parker should be the conclusion, for better or for worse. Bear with me.