Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just burrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.
Title: Haunting memories 4
Author: Giton
Rating: R, I guess, some Angst involved
Spoilers: Maybe Season 4
Keywords: Sydney's past is catching up
Summary: Confronting Miss Parker might be too much (last part)
Haunting Memories 4
By Giton
Run, rabbit, run
The plains stretched as far as he could see, stretching underneath his wings. The wind ruffled his feathers and his eagle eyes spotted the rabbit running and hopping in the far distance. He locked unto the target, tugged his wings in and plummeted towards the unsuspecting prey. Faster, closer, right on the spot. His talons were aimed downwards...
A short, blank moment.
He looked up and saw the eagle soaring towards him, his outstretched talons only seconds away. Sharp, piercing talons griping his side, the beak came down...
And Sydney awoke with a start, gasping for breath, sweat pouring down his face, his side burning like hell. For a brief moment he panicked, but when he found the room empty he lay back with relief, his heartbeat slowing down. Jarod must be sleeping in the other room. He hoped that this time his dream had not woken him up. They both needed their rest. The symbolism in the dream was too obvious to dwell on or to analyse. He turned slightly over onto his right side and fell asleep again.
Office murmurs
He found himself standing in his own office. It was quiet and dark. He moved behind his desk and sat down. Somebody had posted a note to his computer screen and he recognized Miss Parker's handwriting. He leaned forward in his chair to read it "Meet me in my office" short and succinct. He sighed, no rest for the wicked.
He stood up... and stood in front of Miss Parker's desk.
"There you are, Sydney, sit down." She sensually greeted him, a small smile playing around her lips. "Feeling better now?" She didn't wait for an answer, "I have heard little rumours. "Nothing to worry about," I said, "Sydney is no traitor!" Or are you, my dear old friend? Or are you really thinking of blowing up the Centre? If you do, do it right this time. The last one was rather a very incompetent attempt. Or was it exposing? I can't be sure which one they said it was." She looked quasi quizzical and put her forefinger on the edge of her jaw. She stood up and was now slowly moving to the front of the desk where Sydney was seated. She stopped in front of him, looking down on his guilt-ridden face.
"Oo-ooh, do I detect truth in the rumours?" She caressed the side of his face lightly with a fingertip, "Is Freud turning tail? When you bring the Centre down, you will have to explain your part in it. Are you ready for it? A man of your age spending his last years in prison, doesn't sound too good." She took a step back, "And do I also understand that you have information on my mother? Which is rightfully mine!" There was fire blazing in her eyes now, "What you want to do with the Centre doesn't really bother me, you know that, or maybe you don't. Which is it to be? But withholding secrets about my mother..."
Without warning her hand lashed out and she hit him on the side of his face. "I should have listened to my father. He said you couldn't be trusted. (-Another slap-) That you weren't a team player. (-She lashed out again-) Had I known about it, I would have shot higher in the Bronx." She lifted her arm again, but this time the dream-Sydney found the strength to stand up against her and block the blow. Holding her wrist in his hand and forcing it down, away from his face. With the other hand he found her other wrist and forced that down as well. They were standing very close to each other and he could feel her warm breath on his chin.
"Hmm, Syd-ney, what thoughts are preying on your mind?" She swayed and gave him a seducing smile.
He wasn't going to be dragged into her game and forced himself not to release her wrists.
She looked up, staring intently in his eyes, "Where you this close to my mother too?"
"No, never like that..."
"Had my father any reason to doubt your trust then?"
"No, he..."
"You can't really blame him for finding devious ways to keep an eye on you at the Centre."
"The Centre destroys..."
"I trusted you, Syd. I bet my mother did as well. I saw you as a father. Did she see you as my father?" Her eyes were roving quizzically over his face and were pleased when she saw the hurt in his eyes, "Don't tell me you didn't find her attractive. Or me?"
"She was attractive, Parker, and so are you. You are her spitting image. But she was married and you are like a daughter to me. I wouldn't..."
"Wouldn't you, Freud?" She moved closer. He looked down at her and her face twisted into a parody of a fallen Angel.
He stepped back, releasing her wrists and shouted, "Enough! I won't let the Centre twist you even more. Look at the truth, Parker. I dare you to tell me than that the Centre is good!"
"Was it the Centre that twisted me, Sydney," she moved slowly closer again, like a predatory cat, "Or was it you who twisted me. Telling me I'm a good girl, but never stopping me from hunting your precious little lab rat. Never stopping me from enjoying power. Not trusting me with your little secrets." Jarod had appeared from nowhere and was standing behind Miss Parker and his arms were protectively around her. Both were grinning maliciously at him and coming closer. He backed away from them until he could feel the wall in his back.
"We couldn't be trusted with your little secrets, couldn't we, Syd?" They intoned together, "We were just "children" you could reject, were we, Syd? (-Sydney shook his head in silent protest-) Were we just part of your little secrets?"
He had nowhere to escape and they came closer and closer... "No-o-o..."
He awoke with a start, his heart hammering in his chest. Deep gulping breaths, which only caused his side to hurt. He rolled over to his right side and squeezed his eyes shut.
Jarod had heard him the first time and deliberately stayed put. When he didn't hear the sound repeated he had turned over and had fallen asleep again. The second time Sydney's shout had been so heartrending that he jumped from the couch and all but ran into the bedroom.
Sydney had just woken up from a nightmare and was looking with fear at Jarod. Jarod moved over to Sydney and calmed him down. He had the impression that he must have been part of Sydney's nightmare, for the older man backed away from him when he approached him. "It's alright, Sydney, it was only a dream. I am here." Sydney finally let him get closer and calm him down.
Jarod wondered how long it would be before Sydney would sleep peacefully again and how much of the nightmares could be contributed to the administered drugs and how much to Sydney's own present unsettled mind.
The next days Sydney did his utmost to get his strength back. He took care to rest a lot. He was determined to speak to Miss Parker and to speak to her with enough strength that, should it occur, he wouldn't turn into a weak old fool, should she become violent.
Jarod was concerned. He couldn't deviate Sydney from his chosen idea to tell Miss Parker and strangely, he really didn't want to. Sydney's dreams were still plagued with nightmares even if they seemed to have abated a little. His side was still hurting him tremendously, but he insisted on doing certain breathing-exercises to speed up recovery. Jarod wasn't sure that they were benefiting him much, but if Sydney believed they did, the battle was half won.
Four days after returning from the hospital Jarod had to go out to get some provisions. The supplies he had picked up on the day they returned from the hospital were running low. Besides, both men had a week old stubble and though both men looked rather handsome with a beard, they preferred to be clean-shaven.
He announced to Sydney he was going out and found him doubled over in pain, or so he thought. He rushed over to help Sydney out.
"What are you doing, Jarod?" Sydney gasped in indignation.
"You were in pain and..."
"I was just having some problems straightening up. I still have not recovered, but I thought doing some yoga-exercises might help me along better. Guess I have to wait for another couple of days."
"Are you sure you want to start doing it now? You should rest..."
"Jarod, I am tired of the word rest, let alone the action. Stop fussing, do your errands. I promise I will sit here very quietly until you return, Now go!" He gave him a soft smile to take the sting out of his words.
"I'll be back soon." Jarod left the house quickly.
Sydney sighed a breath of relief. Being a bachelor all his life, he wasn't used to having someone around the house continuously, especially not a "mother-hen". Mind, he loved Jarod like his own son and maybe someday he would tell him, but being mothered 24 hours a day... Even "family" could be too much of a fine thing. True, given the circumstances, he needed mothering, but now that he was on the road to recovery a little bit of privacy was preferred.
He got up from the floor and winced in pain. No, strenuous yoga-exercises at this time would have to wait. It wasn't such a good idea after all. But he didn't want to wait too long to get his strength back. He didn't want to lose the resolve to confront Miss Parker.
He decided to move to the living room and engage in watching mind-numbing television rather than being bored by the four walls of the bedroom.
Pressing his arm to the side, his sling being a nuisance at times, he flopped onto the couch and reached for the remote control, but instead of pressing the ON-button he tapped the device to his chin and surveyed the room. One thing he must say, Jarod kept the place quite tidy. Miss Parker would have nothing to complain about that. He put the remote down.
Ah, Miss Parker. How should he breach the subject? Demure? Contrite? Playing on her female instincts not to harm a weak, old man? A stab of remembered pain when Jarod had pounced on him went through him. A repeat performance was not desired.
No, whatever the consequences, he would tackle it with resolve and strength, as the saying goes: head on.
He and Jarod had been avoiding the issue once it had been voiced. They had talked and discussed a numerous amount of topics and subjects, but any mentioning of "the plan" made them pull up short. Or rather, Jarod wasn't comfortable yet discussing it, which worried Sydney. He thought Jarod would have been elated with the thought of bringing the Centre down. Guess he was mistaken.
Doubt of involving Miss Parker started gnawing at his insides.
No, he had to go ahead now. Once he had decided to take this road his sleep had been plagued with the chance of failure and his apprehension.
When Jarod returned he found Sydney dozing on the couch and waking up the minute he entered. Judging from the dark circles under his eyes, Jarod wondered if that was what he had been doing for the last couple of nights instead of having a normal sleep. For the last couple of nights Sydney had only woken him up from his own sleep once with another nightmare.
"You have only been dozing instead of sleeping lately, have you Sydney?" Jarod stated.
"I have been resting."
"Resting, yes! Dozing, yes! But not sleeping, am I right?"
"Why ask if you know the answer? Just say, I don't fancy my dreams at the moment."
"Are you positive you want to go ahead with it?"
"Yes! Part of my nightmares is not doing anything. Maybe I'll sleep better afterwards." Neither man voiced the unspoken thought "or be dead by Miss Parker's hand".
Jarod changed the subject, "I bought us a shaving kit. Do you want me to shave you?"
Sydney ran his hand over his week's growth and although he could take his arm out of the sling he also knew that his hands would be shaking too much. He smiled at Jarod, "That would be appreciated, provided you don't do a Sweeney on me."
Jarod grinned his "boy grin" back, "I'll promise not to cut you."
Two days later Sydney announced he was well enough to meet Miss Parker.
"Sydney, you must be joking," Jarod replied, "If you are well enough I am the King of Siam."
Sydney bowed in mock reference. "I can postpone it indefinitely, Jarod, or I can face it as soon as possible. Now seems like a good time as any."
"Now... would be suicide. Physically... (-"I am well enough"-) you're still too weak. Mentally... (-"I am not mad, but lucid."-) you're totally unfit..."
"Are you finished Jarod? Fine! If you could set up a meet for, say, tomorrow. Whatever the outcome, I'll be out of your hair soon."
"But Sydney..."
"No, Jarod, the anticipation is hurting me just as much as the actual injury. Set it up for tomorrow." He got up and left the room, leaving Jarod in the living room wondering where everything had gone wrong. He reached for his cell-phone and dialled a number, "Miss Parker..."
The next morning they drove to a motel near Horne Bay. It was normally used for summer day-trippers, so it was all very quiet now. Jarod glanced over at Sydney a couple of times while he was driving and wasn't too happy with either his pallor or the dark circles under his eyes, which proved another sleepless night. "Didn't get too much sleep last night?" he asked lightly, already knowing the answer. A small "grumph" came from the right. "Why don't you doze for a while? I'll wake you up when we get to the motel." This time an affirmative "grumph".
Renewal wing
The corridor was dark. Only here and there a small light showed, which did nothing more than emphasize the darkness. Why was he here? Which corridor was he in?
He couldn't see anything recognisable. No, Wait, this must be the Renewal wing. He gritted his teeth in disgust. Oh yes, he knew this wing well. Hadn't he spent some time in there after the bomb blast? He moved cautiously forward, still unsure why he should be here.
After a couple of steps he came to a partly open door. He looked in.
Inside, the room was almost as dark as the corridor he was standing in. A lone figure sat on a cot.
"Who's there?" it cried. Sydney didn't answer. "Ah, well, if you don't want to make yourself known, so be it."
Sydney wondered who the man could be... then there was light and Sydney recognized himself from when he was being "re-educated". Unshaven, unkempt, blindly staring forward and wearing the same sweatshirt for days. He remembered how he had hated that smell and the condition he had been left in.
The dream-Sydney got up from the bed and moved towards him with a sureness of step, which belied his blindness, stopping only inches away from him, sightless eyes looking into his face. It was very disconcerting to see and it brought a smile of amusement to him to know that he must have rattled some of his "educators" composure indeed if this was the effect he must have had on them.
"Who are you than?" the dream-Sydney asked, "You don't smell like the others."
"A friend," he answered quietly.
The dream-Sydney snorted, "Are you going to let me out?"
Sydney was startled, he was looking at the dream-Sydney, but the question was made in Jarod's voice.
It continued in Jarod's voice, "Please, Sydney, let me out of here. They beat me, they don't feed me and they leave me in the dark. (-it changed to Jacob's young boy's voice-) I don't want to be left alone. They will forget me. I am afraid. (-it changed to Miss Parker's young voice-) I want my mommy. Get me out of here, please Sydney. (-a chorus of voices-) Please, Sydney! (-his own voice-) You have to get us out of here, we're being buried here. We're suffocating, please."
The dream-Sydney advanced on him and he retreated. The dream-Sydney stretched out a groping hand and touched him... he was shrouded in darkness.
Maniacal laughter sounded in front of him and he recognised Raines', "The blind leading the blind on the merry-go-round. Where are you going to lead them, Sydney, if you don't know where your are going?" Raines took him by the shoulders and spun him around.
A cacophony of voices surrounded him, "Rescue... safe... lead... help... please..."
He was spun faster and didn't know where he was going. He stumbled and fell...and fell...
Sydney awoke with a start. His eyes moving rapidly from right to left. For a moment he had no idea where he was. Then he remembered and allowed himself to lean back into the headrest, closing his eyes briefly, before denying himself to drop into another slumber.
Jarod asked if he was alright and with a confirmation from Sydney let the matter drop. It wasn't too difficult to figure out what the dream was all about.
They arrived at the motel around noon and made themselves comfortable. Jarod had used up all the bread and prepared sandwiches before they left and they were eating some of them for lunch. The motel room came with a kettle and they managed to make some coffee and settle themselves before Miss Parker arrived.
"Last chance, Sydney, you sure you want to go through with it?"
"Yes," then more definite, "I am quite positive."
"Have you decided what tact you are going to use?"
"Just go with the flow, I guess."
"Does this mean I have to restrain her?" Jarod asked mischievously.
Sydney smiled, "I hope nothing that drastic."
"Will I have to restrain myself?" Jarod asked softly.
"I hope not, Jarod," Sydney answered with less surety.
They sat in awkward silence. For two people who had to tell each other so much it was uncanny.
Miss Parker showed up mid-afternoon. She was alone. "Hi guys. Hope you didn't have to wait long? Don't worry," she said looking at the glum faces and misconstruing their meaning, "I switched cars before I got here. I didn't see anybody following me, so I think we are safe from the Centre. God, all these cloak and dagger games. Even after all these years one never gets used to it."
She looked at both men. Normally they wouldn't let her rant this much. She had been worried about Sydney, yes, she knew he would not be jumping up and down -well, at least not for a while- and she was a bit nervous coming here, hence the ranting. But both men looked as if the cat had died after dragging something repulsive in. She was a bit miffed with their reaction.
"Hey, you don't have to be overjoyed to see me, but at least a weak "Hello Miss Parker" would suffice," she now almost glared at them and Jarod wondered if their initial reaction could jeopardise Sydney's resolve.
"Hello, Miss Parker," he said belatedly, "It has nothing to do with you..."
"Yes it has," said Sydney softly and Jarod could almost hit him for being too frank, "We are happy to see you, though, even if we might have given you a different impression."
She sat down and faced them. Jarod seemed to be ill at ease, more than usual. She knew he must still fear to be taken by her to the Centre, but she had promised a truce until Sydney was well enough to return to the Centre. She wasn't going to renege on that.
Sydney looked better from when she had last seen him, but it was obvious that he wasn't well yet. His face was still white with fatigue and the dark circles under his eyes showed that he had not been sleeping well. Every time he shifted his position she could see the ghost of pain flit past his face, even when he tried to disguise it... badly. A sling supported his left arm and she wondered why they had thought it would be a good idea for her to pick him up and return him to the Centre now. Maybe they got on each other's nerves, she mentally grinned.
"So, is anybody going to tell me what's going on, or are we going to play the cat-got-your-tongue game until we die of old age?"
Jarod looked furtively at Sydney and Sydney was desperately trying to find the right opening words. Miss Parker's patience was wearing thin. Patience had never been her strong point and both men were stretching it to the limit. She lit a cigarette.
"It is rather difficult to start," began Sydney, shifting uncomfortably and not only because of the injury, "It is rather delicate and I am not sure if you will appreciate the knowledge..."
She sat back in her chair, it sounded interesting.
Sydney fidgeted for a moment, something she hadn't known him to do for a long while. It was so unlike him and she started to wonder what news could bring this on.
Finally Sydney considered starting at the beginning might be a good place to start as any. Maybe he had to muddle through with it and maybe she would get upset with it all; he had to cross that bridge when he came to it. He sat back and started to tell his story.
Sydney relates
I was still a young man when your mother approached me to work at the Centre. I had just published my thesis on the education of possible super-children, future super geniuses if you like. I truly believed in it then and so did Catherine.
She described the Centre to me as a place, which strived to do good for humanity. A place where scientists and doctors of all fields were trying to find ways to eradicate all ills in the world, like poverty, starvation and war. A place that was dedicated to finding solutions to everlasting peace among nations and freedom for all, long before anybody ever heard of hippies and their ideals. If my ideas could work to create super geniuses, their knowledge and skills could be used to reach those goals.
It was the beginning of the 60's. World War 2 had ended and the Vietnam War hadn't even started, people were rebuilding the world. We were still idealistic and her enthusiasm infective. I had not decided what to do yet and the idea of working with children, testing my ideas that I had set forth in my thesis and at the same time become a pawn to help humanity was too much of a temptation to refuse and I accepted her offer.
In those days the Centre was set to reach those goals, even Mr Parker was a most dedicated man to the cause. Had you told me then that it would chance into the monstrosity it is today I would have laughed in your face and would be pointing out all the good things we were doing.
All went well for a while and I was feeling at home for the first time in a long while. Catherine was almost like a dear sister to Jacob and me, and the three of us would often go out together.
I don't know when it happened, at least not the right date, but Mr Parker was approached by the Triumvirate who saw more in the Centre than a load of do-gooders. It saw the potential to amass power! Find a cure for a disease and sell it to the highest bidder. Create a defence system and sell it to the most aggressive who had just bought the latest weapons to try out on their neighbours. But neither Catherine nor we knew about it until it was too late.
We were supplied with gifted children, normally by spotters who approached the parents with promises of a better life or career for the young potentials and the parents were quite honoured to let their children be raised to become the next generation of super geniuses, which parent wouldn't. By that time it was like sending your child to a private school without having to pay the tuition fees.
Catherine married Mr Parker and we saw less of her at the Children's wing. We saw even less of her outside working-hours. She was now the Chairman's wife and they tried to make us believe that she didn't want to see us because of that. We didn't believe it, of course.
Then Raines joined the team as well. I had never really liked him. His methods were too extreme to be viable. When I complained about it to Mr Parker, he said that the Centre had to try out new ways to see if they might work better than proven and tested older ideas. We weren't happy with it, but who was to say if those ideas couldn't work. We should have known better.
When we first realised that the Triumvirate was running the Centre instead of the Centre running itself, we knew it was too late.
Sydney coughed and paused to drink some water. Miss Parker sat very quietly, not giving away any of her feelings and trying to determine where the story was leading to. Jarod was just quiet. Neither of the two had ever heard the right story of the Centre's beginnings and were amazed to hear that it was considered once as a force for good. Sydney continued.
By that time they brought children to us who were in trauma of being taken away from their parents and we started to suspect that they had not been taken with their parent's consent. Jacob left the Centre to find out what was going on.
It was in this period that they brought you, Jarod, to the Centre and put you in my care. It was with your coming that my suspicion grew. Your behaviour was not of a boy who was just taken from his parents, it reeked of kidnapping. I was seriously considering leaving then and find a way to expose the Centre to the authorities.
But the Triumvirate needed me to keep the project going and they knew they had to find a way to keep me there. They staged the car accident that made me believe that Claudia was killed in the accident, threatening me with a reckless driving and murder charge. It kept me quiet for a short while.
You, Jarod, kept me busy in those days while I was trying to cope with Claudia's presumed death. Not only that, but you were the first of all the children so far who showed the potential we had been searching for. I must admit, it was pure cowardice on my side that kept me working at the Centre in those days and pride in my work. I hope you can forgive me for that.
Now I had another reason I couldn't leave or be "disposed" of. Had that been the case Raines would have completely taken over and would have twisted my work into a reproduction of his own twisted mind. A few times he managed to do it and every time, on my return, I would find the children in complete distress.
Jacob had not been sitting still in the meantime and had proof that not all was well in the Centre. Catherine had also devised a plan to set the children free. They left me in the dark as long as they could, thinking that I had now fully joined with the Centre. It didn't take long for Jacob to realise that this was not the case.
Catherine Parker came to me since I was also the resident company shrink. (-Miss Parker looked up sharply-) The official complaint was that she had trouble sleeping and thought it was a psychological rather than a physical problem, was the official complaint. The truth was twofold. On the practical side we were able to discuss the plan to get the children out. For that purpose I suggested that we took out walks in the grounds, rather than have some of the sessions inside the Centre.
The other reason she came to see me was that her husband had a violent side to his character...
At that point Miss Parker jumped up and stood seething with rage in front of Sydney. When Jarod made a move to get up, a soft touch from Sydney's hand kept him seated.
"You take that back! My father never harmed my mother!"
"Didn't he, Miss Parker?" Sydney asked softly, "Think back to when you were seven years old. You had to spend some time with your mother's friend. Remember? Do you remember why?"
"Ye-es," she said hesitantly, "my mother had picked up a cold or a virus and my father didn't want me to catch it too." She sat down again, still glaring at Sydney.
"You can't remember their fight?"
"There was no fight," she said defiantly, "That's all in your twisted mind."
"She told me and she showed me the bruises, Miss Parker, and how she was afraid for your well-being. That was why you were send away for a short while."
"That's a lie!" this time it was said with less confidence.
"No, Parker, it wasn't."
She was silent and Sydney continued.
Mr Parker became increasingly more violent (-he ignored the hostile stares Miss Parker was giving him-), taking his frustration out on his wife. (-Jarod was now eying Miss Parker with alarm-) He must have been a troubled man himself in those days, torn between the ideal of doing good and the attraction of power. He never came to see me professionally and we all know which side won. But Catherine was visiting me regularly now.
From what she told me I gathered that by then his violence wasn't that much physical anymore, but became more verbal and preferably when you were out of earshot. To justify it all he now started accusing her of having an affair with me. We had to move fast.
"That's enough, Sydney," shouted Miss Parker and before Jarod could move and stop her, in one fluid movement she had leapt the distance separating her from Sydney. Literally going for his jugular. The force of her jump toppled Sydney's chair when she impacted with it. He fell back with a grunt while Jarod managed to stop her at the last minute to carry her attack forward.
"Sydney, you alright?" Jarod called while he tried to restrain Miss Parker going for another attack. A painful grunt came from the toppled chair. In any other circumstance the situation might be called funny with Sydney's feet scissoring the air while trying to get up, as it was, Jarod was concerned about him. He looked at Miss Parker and knew he couldn't release her yet, a feral cat looked more placid compared to her, Sydney had to untangle himself.
With some difficulty he extricated himself from the undignified position he was in. When he emerged from behind the chair his face was pasty white and drops of sweat were forming on his brow.
"Are you alright, Syd?" Jarod asked worriedly.
"I'll live." Sydney gasped.
Jarod looked at Miss Parker, "Do I have your word that you will behave yourself?"
"If he stops telling lies about my father."
"They were not lies, Miss Parker. I wish they were," Sydney slowly eased himself in Jarod's chair, pressing his arm against his side trying to downplay the pain he was in, "Before the Triumvirate joined the game, Mr Parker was a good and respected man. It was not easy for me when I learned about his behaviour the first time. It is difficult to explain. It was obvious that he loved your mother very much, but the physical evidence was against him. I really wish it was a lie."
Jarod could feel Miss Parker relax under his hold. He let her go. She sat down in her own chair and lit a cigarette. He up righted the upturned chair and sat in it, more watchful now.
After making sure that Sydney was as well as could be under the circumstances, they all sat back to let him proceed, which he did after regaining his composure.
All was set to go ahead with the plan, but somehow the Centre found out. Up till this day I don't know how they found out. I have been going over the days prior to that date and I keep running into a blind wall. As far as I know there were only a handful of people who knew about it. And none of them would betray what we were about to be doing. I don't know if we will ever find out who did tell on us.
One of Jarod's simulations was going to disable the alarm system.
(-"One of my simulations, Syd?" Jarod asked incredulously-)
Yes Jarod. I don't know if you can remember running a simulation on the security system of a government building. We had to determine if it was possible for anyone to break in and bypass all the security codes. Your sim proved that it could be done and we were busy finding ways to make it more secure. The Centre runs on the same security protocols and your information was used by Major Charles to rig up a trigger to disable the system.
(-"Oh," was all Jarod could say, remembering how he enjoyed that particular simulation-)
Catherine and I were to work from the inside, while Jacob made everything ready on the outside to get away as fast and as far as possible and find a safe house until we could reunite the children with their families. Catherine would bring you, Miss Parker, to the Centre as well to include you in the escape.
I wanted to delay that date of the plan, something just didn't "feel" right. I couldn't explain why, I only know that my instincts have saved me many times, but I couldn't put it into words.
The first casualty was Jacob. Another car accident with me at the wheel, although I am sure that someone must have shot the tire to let the car run off the road. By sheer luck I wasn't killed, but it left Jacob in a coma.
Sydney paused. Remembering that fateful night always left him with a sense of loss and pain. He took a minute to compose himself before resuming.
Even with Jacob in hospital, your mother wanted to go ahead with the escape as planned. She knew where Jacob had hidden the getaway car and where we were going to take the children. Apart from getting Jacob out of the hospital, there was nothing that said we couldn't go ahead with it, bar my feelings.
Catherine brought you to the Centre under the guise that you were going to play with Jarod as a reward to him for completing a sim successfully. But the next victim on their list was your mother. Presumably shot by Major Charles, one of the conspirators who conveniently had escaped, while she was trying to safe the children. You must believe me, I didn't know it was all staged to look like a murder and I did not know that she was still alive. I grieved for her, as I grieved for a sister and as I grieved for Jacob.
I knew that there was nothing I could do, at least not on my own, to set the plan in motion then.
I plodded on. All the people I cared for either dead or as good as dead.
I even justified my work at the Centre now as a possibility to still bring good to the world. As long as I could raise them with some values, maybe things would work out different. Your friendship with Jarod was first frowned upon, but than it was seen as a catalyst to keep him obeying to do the simulations he had to do. As I saw you both grow up I regretted not having the strength to somehow go ahead with the plan. I should have done.
"You would have been killed had you done so," interjected Jarod. "And where would we have been now?"
"It's what I been telling myself all these years, but it still doesn't make it right, does it? Neither does starting to take pride in what I was doing. Oh yes, I am only human and some of the experiments wouldn't have been out of place in the same camp where I grew up. Maybe they were less inhumane nevertheless they shouldn't have been conducted."
"Okay, Freud, now we know that you are a good person at heart and it was the Centre that made you do it. Maybe Ratboy is buying it al, but I'm not. Oh, I admit, you have good streaks in you, more than you should have working for the Centre, but you're not Mr Clean either, are you?"
"I never purported to be "clean", Miss Parker, I know I'm not, I am simply regretting that I never took another chance to become clean again. Too long have I been rolling with the pigs in the mud for that."
Miss Parker raised an eyebrow, "So, what are your plans. I don't think you been telling us all of this just to clear part of your conscience. No, wait, let me guess. You want to stage another plan to free the children. That's what it is all boiling down to, isn't it? Am I right?"
"Yes," Sydney answered without preamble, "and maybe more."
"More? You mean you got more up your sleeve and are now Mr Mastermind? I think Raines must have knocked you on the head harder than we thought."
Sydney looked down at his hands and Jarod noticed that a sheen of moisture had started to form on his upper lip and forehead. Well, he had been talking for some time now and the attack of Miss Parker must have taken its toll as well. He also saw that, although well disguised, his breathing had changed to more shallow breaths.
"Shall we all give it a rest for the moment," he suggested light-heartedly, "I bet Sydney could do with some, he has been talking almost all afternoon and my ears could do with some as well. Some coffee and sandwiches everybody?" He just hoped there was enough to go around. He didn't fancy leaving Sydney alone with Miss Parker to get something to eat and to call something in looked rather risky.
Sydney shook his pale, tired head, "Coffee, yes please, Jarod, nothing to eat for me."
Miss Parker said she could do with something to eat and coffee while still glaring at Sydney.
While Jarod and Miss Parker were having their repast, Sydney leaned his head back against the chair. God, he was tired. After Miss Parker's attack his side hurt him more than he cared to admit or show, even small changes in position gave him sharp reminders. That, all the recounting and the lack of sleep had greatly exhausted him and before he could stop himself he had drifted off...
To be free
They had freed all the detainees in the Centre. The escape had been successful and all the operatives unhurt. Sydney was elated. It worked better than he could have hoped for. The safe house, the original house Jacob had chosen, was a grand affair set in a valley between high mountain ranges. They could all be happy here, well, for those who wanted to stay.
First priority was to find the relatives. No problem there, they found them easily.
Sydney and Jarod brought the first child, a girl, back to her parents, passing themselves off as FBI-officials. The parents were so happy to see their little girl, it warmed Sydney's old heart, it had all been worthwhile.
They were having coffee -the parents insisted- with the reunited family in the living room. The girl standing between her two parents in front of the coffee table. She was going to cut the cake while Sydney and Jarod were filling the parents in with a fabricated rehearsed story. She picked up the knife, smiled at her parents, looked at the cake and turned round to slash at her parents throats in one quick movement.
When she looked back at Sydney, the front of her dress and face were splattered with blood, the hand holding the knife almost slippery with it. She smiled her angelic smile at him. "Would you like a piece too?"
Sydney screamed...
The exhaustion on Sydney's face was quite apparent to Jarod and he was pleased to see that Sydney had nodded off and sleeping peacefully for the first time in days, Jarod noticed even noticed that a small smile had crept around the corners of Sydney's mouth.
Miss Parker's voice drew his attention back to her, "Freud wants to free the children, doesn't he? (-a nod from Jarod-) And he wants my co-operation? (-another nod-) Then he has a strange way of asking me, telling lies about my father..."
"Why would he lie about it to you?"
"To make me hate him so much, that I couldn't care less who will suffer when we get the kids out. If we succeed the Triumvirate will make him pay for it. I can't let that happen! Neither can I let Sydney get away with it either."
"After all that has happened, you really believe your father to be incapable of such cruelty? Who would you sooner believe, Parker?"
"Both have lied to me in the past, or at least withheld information. I know, Sydney keeps telling me, when I find out about any secrets, that it had been all for my own good, but is it? So many secrets still buried. What if they both only tell me what they want me to know, or believe, for their own benefit? How much of what was said today is the full truth?
You believe him, don't you? I can ask you the same thing, after all that has happened do you really believe Sydney to be incapable of lying to suit his own means? Somehow in the last couple of days his conscience has been playing up and he believes that by saving the children it will be wiped clean again and he will be on the Road to Redemption. Has he fully considered whom he is going to drag down with him?
How come he never told you about Major Charles? I can't believe that he didn't know he was your father. After all his work at the Centre, we now have to believe that he didn't want to do what he had been doing all these years? Oh, sorry, I can understand that. He's a coward at heart, one who justifies his cowardice by claiming he did it to protect us, yeah, right."
"In ways you are right, Miss Parker. But what if Jacob had recruited Major Charles? And, yes, Sydney does have a small streak of cowardice in him as have we all. From early on he learned to be a survivor, it has become a basic instinct to him."
"What? Are you his shrink now?"
"Maybe! But you have to admit, that if it hadn't been for Sydney, then Raines would have "taken care" of us and what would we have turned out to be? We have seen his handiwork. Which would you have preferred to become: a vegetable or an assassin?" He looked hard at Miss Parker. Anger was still smouldering behind her eyes, but she seemed to have calmed down somewhat.
"At least with the help of Sydney we have been able to become as normal as can be expected."
"I consider myself normal, thank you very much!"
"Are you really, Parker? Your relationship with men bears witness to the contrary."
"How dare you?" she hissed and glared at him, "That's totally uncalled for."
"Is it? If it hadn't been for me, Thomas..."
"You?" she scoffed, "Why, you..."
A muffled scream from Sydney stopped their bickering. His eyes had opened and he looked in bewilderment around him, the dream not having completely left his retina.
Jarod and Miss Parker both went to his side. He looked at them sadly before doubling over in pain. They helped him get out of the chair and over to the bed, where they eased him on the pillows.
"Rest now," Jarod said, pushing Sydney gently back in the pillows when he started to rise again.
No, Sydney shook his head silently. The dream-images, which still gripped his mind and the pain in his side making it impossible for him to speak yet.
Jarod looked over at Miss Parker, silently asking for her help. She came over to the other side of the bed and laid her hand gently on Sydney's shoulder, "Jarod is right, you should take a rest now, Syd, even if it was only for a short while." She smiled awkwardly, embarrassed with her show of emotion.
Sydney nodded and lay back in the pillows, trying to ease his breathing. His eyes wanted to close so badly, God, he was exhausted, but the remembrance of the dream forced them open again.
"Sydney, you can't go on like this. You're wearing yourself out. You haven't had a decent sleep for days now," Jarod spoke with concern. Miss Parker looked over at Jarod, a question on her brow. Jarod shook his head.
Finally Sydney spoke gain, "I have to finish, before I lose my resolve. I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll be dragged further down into my nightmares and I don't know how I will come out of it." Briefly he closed his eyes before resuming...
The last couple of years the Centre has been completely giving itself over to the dark side of science. This was further exacerbated with the coming of Lyle and Brigitte and the rising in power of Raines. For a short time even Mr Parker had a change of heart with the pending birth of his son.
Lyle's scheming nearly sent the Centre into a spiral of evil and nearly caused your father's death. A pity that the pull of power was too strong for your father to resist for long. Than again, had he not clawed and schemed himself back into the saddle, the Triumvirate would have taken over completely, this time with Raines and Lyle firmly at the helm. That you father still hasn't done away with those two schemers is still beyond me.
Just saving the children is not enough this time. (-"Here we go," said Miss Parker-) Yes, Miss Parker, you know as well as I do, that if we stopped with only saving the children currently present at the Centre, they will start up their diabolical practices the minute we get them out.
We also know that this time it will not only be kidnappings, or have you forgotten their cloning-programme? The abominations that were concocted in that laboratory... I am not talking about the one good result they had, but all the ones before that. I'm willing to bet that some of the creations which have gone wrong are still locked somewhere in the Centre. There were not enough "spare parts" to make up the number of failures they might have had judging from the evidence in the laboratory.
Only Pretender-"Material" is given in my care and some cases, which have to be handled with care rather than bullying. The others are given to Raines to be trained as assassins and Specials. I hate to think how Raines is training them. He has tried his hand at creating Pretenders as well and Angelo is one of his sorry results. He hasn't got the patience to wait for several years to see the result and therefore uses means, which are cruel to the nth degree.
"You mean to say that there are more Pretenders?" Jarod asked surprised.
"Yes, none as good as you are, but still on the road to becoming good Pretenders. And I'm still helping them create to them," Sydney hung his head in shame, "To all intents and purposes, it's what I am good at doing. It doesn't give me as much pleasure any more..."
"You bastard," shouted Jarod and this time it was Miss Parker who looked worried, "After all that has happened to me. After all that you know that is going on and the knowledge what they are doing with their skills, you still help "create" them?"
"Yes, but..."
"Oh, yes, you don't feel the same pleasure anymore! You are just as bad as the others. Worse, you know that what you are doing is evil. The others thrive on it. How can you?"
"Do you want me to say "No"? Do you want me to hand them over to Raines and his kind? In this way I will be able to guide them to a more constructive rather than a destructive way of thinking."
"It is still wrong, Sydney," Jarod pleaded.
"I know! That's why I want to do something about it. It has been preying on mind for a long time now. I know we can't turn the clocks back, but we can find a way to stop it!"
"How, Freud?" chimed in Miss Parker, "When you talked about saving the children from the Centre, I could feel some affiliation with that. I might even give you my full support." When she saw Jarod and Sydney look up in surprise, she continued, "I have had my doubts over the years as well, you two are not the only ones. Finding out that my mother was involved in the initial escape, tells me there must be some good in it.
But when you are telling me that you want to go one step further and expose the Centre and the Triumvirate, then I think I have to stop you there. I would be the last person on Earth to have to stand in your way doing it, but I will also be the first person to stop you if your actions mean that it will hurt my father and all that I have believed in for my whole life.
I realise that what the Centre is doing is not completely above board, but it is also my life's work! My father is the Head of the organisation. What do you think would happen to him if the Centre's exposed? If the authorities don't get him, the Triumvirate will. What will happen to me? Or you? Or Broots? Thought of that yet, Einstein?
I don't give a damn what happens to Raines and some of the others, and when it comes to Lyle, I hope he burns in hell for all I care.
But I can't let you bring my father down! And he will go down if what you propose is going to happen, one way or another. Maybe I should have left you in Raines' care, knowing now what you propose to do! For how long have you been betraying us, Sydney?"
"I haven't, Miss Parker."
"And I have to believe that? How many times has your "clumsiness" saved Jarod from being caught? Too many to count! How many lies have you told me? I can't even begin recounting. I bet you were even glad when Labrat here escaped." She could see the hurt in both men's eyes, but she continued, "I trusted you, Syd, I really did, but I'm not sure anymore," she looked forlorn, just like the little girl Sydney used to know, unsure of the whole situation.
Sydney's voice dropped to the soft voice, which normally surrounded her when she was feeling depressed or rejected by her own father, "You can still trust me, Miss Parker. You know I would do nothing to hurt you. If there is a way to keep your father from harm I will find that way. But you also know that we can't let the Centre continue as it is. They are too much under the influence of the Triumvirate now to be called anything but evil. We have to stop them before they go too far and there is no way to turn the tide.
If it means that you will have to kill me to stop me finding a way to do so, than kill me now and have done with it. Because you will have to kill me to stop me from trying to do what I think I have to do. At least, at your hands, it will be a clean kill.
You can then bring Jarod in and live happily ever after, knowing that the Centre is safe. But you can't stop me from planning the downfall of the Centre and the Triumvirate." He looked her squarely in the eyes, but she could detect a hint of sadness there.
Sydney looked at her and saw the dilemma in her eyes; she was torn between her loyalty to her father and the Centre and the trust she had in Sydney. He hoped he had gambled right.
She stood up, her face as cold as ice and showing no emotion. Without betraying it in his face, Sydney sent up a silent prayer, it was over. "Sorry, Jarod, for failing you," he thought silently.
She stopped at the foot of the bed and looked at him, "Do you really think you could get away with it, Freud?"
He shrugged his shoulders, not trusting the strength of his voice.
She reached in her pocket (-and was pleased when she saw Sydney slightly wince in anticipation-) and withdrew her cigarettes. "Let him sweat a bit," she thought. She lit one before continuing, "Did you really think you can pull it off? And get my co-operation?" She was pleased to see that he was at a loss for words. He had scared her as well, let him be scared for a change.
Jarod, not realising the game she was playing, pleaded for Sydney now, "Miss Parker, even if you don't agree or don't want to co-operate, you can't kill Sydney!"
"Why not, Ratboy?"
"He has been the only one who has ever been there for you... us... Without him, who will protect you? Who will be there for you like a family?"
"Don't assume too much! I can protect myself pretty well, thank you. I don't need a shrink or his pet-experiment to do so. (-This time she had hurt them both. Good! Next time they might consider her anxieties as well-) Family? What sort of family keeps so many secrets? What sort of family asks another member to either kill or betray?"
When she looked at their guilty and sad faces she couldn't keep up the charade much longer and laughed out loud. Confusing the two men thoroughly, "If Sydney can find a way to keep my father from harm, because however bad he might have become I still love him, and to bring the Triumvirate down than count me in!"
The sighs of relief were almost audible.
Jarod ran over to her and hugged her in the strongest hug she had ever encountered. His face was almost childishly joyful. Tears of relief were unashamedly coursing down his cheeks. She tried to wriggle out of the hug embarrassingly, but he didn't notice and gripped her stronger.
"Let go of me, you... you..."
"Admit it, Miss Parker, you need a hug!" Jarod held her at arms length and smiled at her.
She frowned at first and than smiled back.
Sydney had dropped back into the pillows, completely drained and not believing that Miss Parker had just agreed with him and let him live. The gamble had paid of, but how?
"What made you decide to agree, Miss Parker?" He asked softly.
She turned round to him, extricated herself from Jarod and sat down by the bed, taking his hand in her hands, "You, Sydney. For the last couple of months I too have been unhappy with the proceedings of the Centre, especially after Thomas' death. First they stole my mother, then my childhood and then my lover. I didn't know what to do either. As did you, I could see that the Centre's objectives were becoming more evil. I can still remember the look on my father's face when Mtumbo showed who was the real boss of the Centre. The shame on his face! Or that he had to go on the run himself to stay alive.
While you were speaking to us, I could remember that Jarod has been helping me to unravel the secrets of the past concerning my mother and that, for a while, I was still thrilled with the chase but not the pleasure of capturing him. I could remember that he was doing good deeds even while we are chasing him. He has to have those values from someone. He wasn't born with them!
I could remember that you were always there for me after my mother died. Knowing before I sometimes knew myself that I needed comfort or advice. Not that I always wanted your advice or your comfort. Always putting my feelings, or others', before your own and I knew I couldn't kill you. Neither can I give you up to the Centre, for if I did it would be better if I killed you on the spot. God knows what the Centre will do to you if they ever find out. Probably a slow, lingering death or brain damage if it was up to Raines. I knew I couldn't let that happen to you.
Baby Parker, sorry, Andrew... I want him to have a normal life, not the twisted ideas the Centre will have in store for him. I don't want him to end up like Angelo or Lyle.
I don't want my father to get harmed either. It is true, he is not showing me any fatherly love at the moment, especially not since Andrew was born. But as you have pointed out to me so often, it is not because he doesn't love me, but because he doesn't know how to show his love to me. And I remind him too much of my mother.
All things considered, your idea of stopping the centre and the Triumvirate to extent their power limitless is a very valid option. That means that you can count me in." she looked up and smiled at his tired face. He smiled back and squeezed her hand, too overcome by emotion.
Jarod moved to the other side of the bed and laid his hand on Sydney's shoulder, he also had a smile on his face, "You can count me in too, well, as long as the Ice Maiden here gives me a bit of respite to think up a plan." Miss Parker gave him one of her special frowns, which was normally preserved for Broots. It didn't work on Jarod. "Well, since we all agreed, what can we do about it?"
"We have to work this out in detail first. Think up a plan as watertight as can be. Than move in. We can't make the same mistake my mother and... the others made or we will never get the chance. We all let it rest for the moment and in about week I will pick up Sydney. Would you be all right than? (-Sydney nodded-) Good, that's settled than." She stood up to gather her things and shrugged into her coat, as if she had just been visiting the manicurist, "I'll see you by the end of the week than. Here? (-Jarod nodded-) Okay, Sydney, you take some rest. And, Jarod, forget the hug, no repeats of that. Bye than." And with a smile and a wave she was gone.
When the two men were alone, Jarod sat down by the bed and looked up at Sydney, "Will she really join us? Or will she run to the Centre and betray us?"
"Jarod, we will have to put some trust in Miss Parker. Had I not had a small hope of her joining us, I would never have told her. Or maybe I would have done anyway and am suicidal and too cowardly to end it myself.
"Sydney!"
"Honestly," he took a deep breath, wincing when he was reminded that deep breaths were out for the moment, "One part of me hoped that I hadn't misjudged Miss Parker and the other part hoped that if I had done so, I wouldn't want to live anyway. She is right, though, I am a coward at heart. Clinging to life, as if that will bring me happiness. You called it the Survival instinct, which is also true. It is my sixth sense, my second nature, but I must admit I developed it almost into an art form to live by. Justifying everything I did with it. But it isn't right. Hopefully I can redeem myself."
"You are too hard on yourself, Sydney."
"Am I, Jarod? Is it right how I have treated you over the years? Is it right that some part of me wanted you back at the Centre, while another part of me wanted you to be as far away as possible from the Centre? Is it right that I am still creating Pretenders? Hard on myself! That I have been pussyfooting around myself is a more honest description."
"You did what you had to do to survive."
"And that makes it right? No Jarod, it is not as easy as that. I know I have much to be guilty for. I am not without blame. To even think that would be an insult to both our intelligences."
"But we are going to set it right, aren't we, Sydney?"
"Yes, Jarod. If we can find a way to do it and to keep Mr Parker safe as well, we will."
"It will be difficult!"
"More difficult than it would have been in the past."
"Do you think Miss Parker will give us enough time to think up a plan?"
"I think she will. She is unhappy too."
Sydney could see that Jarod was already using his Pretender-skills to start forming a plan and he had no doubt that this time they would succeed.
For the first time in days he relaxed and let himself drift off to sleep and the nightmares stayed away.
This time they had to succeed!
THE END
15
Title: Haunting memories 4
Author: Giton
Rating: R, I guess, some Angst involved
Spoilers: Maybe Season 4
Keywords: Sydney's past is catching up
Summary: Confronting Miss Parker might be too much (last part)
Haunting Memories 4
By Giton
Run, rabbit, run
The plains stretched as far as he could see, stretching underneath his wings. The wind ruffled his feathers and his eagle eyes spotted the rabbit running and hopping in the far distance. He locked unto the target, tugged his wings in and plummeted towards the unsuspecting prey. Faster, closer, right on the spot. His talons were aimed downwards...
A short, blank moment.
He looked up and saw the eagle soaring towards him, his outstretched talons only seconds away. Sharp, piercing talons griping his side, the beak came down...
And Sydney awoke with a start, gasping for breath, sweat pouring down his face, his side burning like hell. For a brief moment he panicked, but when he found the room empty he lay back with relief, his heartbeat slowing down. Jarod must be sleeping in the other room. He hoped that this time his dream had not woken him up. They both needed their rest. The symbolism in the dream was too obvious to dwell on or to analyse. He turned slightly over onto his right side and fell asleep again.
Office murmurs
He found himself standing in his own office. It was quiet and dark. He moved behind his desk and sat down. Somebody had posted a note to his computer screen and he recognized Miss Parker's handwriting. He leaned forward in his chair to read it "Meet me in my office" short and succinct. He sighed, no rest for the wicked.
He stood up... and stood in front of Miss Parker's desk.
"There you are, Sydney, sit down." She sensually greeted him, a small smile playing around her lips. "Feeling better now?" She didn't wait for an answer, "I have heard little rumours. "Nothing to worry about," I said, "Sydney is no traitor!" Or are you, my dear old friend? Or are you really thinking of blowing up the Centre? If you do, do it right this time. The last one was rather a very incompetent attempt. Or was it exposing? I can't be sure which one they said it was." She looked quasi quizzical and put her forefinger on the edge of her jaw. She stood up and was now slowly moving to the front of the desk where Sydney was seated. She stopped in front of him, looking down on his guilt-ridden face.
"Oo-ooh, do I detect truth in the rumours?" She caressed the side of his face lightly with a fingertip, "Is Freud turning tail? When you bring the Centre down, you will have to explain your part in it. Are you ready for it? A man of your age spending his last years in prison, doesn't sound too good." She took a step back, "And do I also understand that you have information on my mother? Which is rightfully mine!" There was fire blazing in her eyes now, "What you want to do with the Centre doesn't really bother me, you know that, or maybe you don't. Which is it to be? But withholding secrets about my mother..."
Without warning her hand lashed out and she hit him on the side of his face. "I should have listened to my father. He said you couldn't be trusted. (-Another slap-) That you weren't a team player. (-She lashed out again-) Had I known about it, I would have shot higher in the Bronx." She lifted her arm again, but this time the dream-Sydney found the strength to stand up against her and block the blow. Holding her wrist in his hand and forcing it down, away from his face. With the other hand he found her other wrist and forced that down as well. They were standing very close to each other and he could feel her warm breath on his chin.
"Hmm, Syd-ney, what thoughts are preying on your mind?" She swayed and gave him a seducing smile.
He wasn't going to be dragged into her game and forced himself not to release her wrists.
She looked up, staring intently in his eyes, "Where you this close to my mother too?"
"No, never like that..."
"Had my father any reason to doubt your trust then?"
"No, he..."
"You can't really blame him for finding devious ways to keep an eye on you at the Centre."
"The Centre destroys..."
"I trusted you, Syd. I bet my mother did as well. I saw you as a father. Did she see you as my father?" Her eyes were roving quizzically over his face and were pleased when she saw the hurt in his eyes, "Don't tell me you didn't find her attractive. Or me?"
"She was attractive, Parker, and so are you. You are her spitting image. But she was married and you are like a daughter to me. I wouldn't..."
"Wouldn't you, Freud?" She moved closer. He looked down at her and her face twisted into a parody of a fallen Angel.
He stepped back, releasing her wrists and shouted, "Enough! I won't let the Centre twist you even more. Look at the truth, Parker. I dare you to tell me than that the Centre is good!"
"Was it the Centre that twisted me, Sydney," she moved slowly closer again, like a predatory cat, "Or was it you who twisted me. Telling me I'm a good girl, but never stopping me from hunting your precious little lab rat. Never stopping me from enjoying power. Not trusting me with your little secrets." Jarod had appeared from nowhere and was standing behind Miss Parker and his arms were protectively around her. Both were grinning maliciously at him and coming closer. He backed away from them until he could feel the wall in his back.
"We couldn't be trusted with your little secrets, couldn't we, Syd?" They intoned together, "We were just "children" you could reject, were we, Syd? (-Sydney shook his head in silent protest-) Were we just part of your little secrets?"
He had nowhere to escape and they came closer and closer... "No-o-o..."
He awoke with a start, his heart hammering in his chest. Deep gulping breaths, which only caused his side to hurt. He rolled over to his right side and squeezed his eyes shut.
Jarod had heard him the first time and deliberately stayed put. When he didn't hear the sound repeated he had turned over and had fallen asleep again. The second time Sydney's shout had been so heartrending that he jumped from the couch and all but ran into the bedroom.
Sydney had just woken up from a nightmare and was looking with fear at Jarod. Jarod moved over to Sydney and calmed him down. He had the impression that he must have been part of Sydney's nightmare, for the older man backed away from him when he approached him. "It's alright, Sydney, it was only a dream. I am here." Sydney finally let him get closer and calm him down.
Jarod wondered how long it would be before Sydney would sleep peacefully again and how much of the nightmares could be contributed to the administered drugs and how much to Sydney's own present unsettled mind.
The next days Sydney did his utmost to get his strength back. He took care to rest a lot. He was determined to speak to Miss Parker and to speak to her with enough strength that, should it occur, he wouldn't turn into a weak old fool, should she become violent.
Jarod was concerned. He couldn't deviate Sydney from his chosen idea to tell Miss Parker and strangely, he really didn't want to. Sydney's dreams were still plagued with nightmares even if they seemed to have abated a little. His side was still hurting him tremendously, but he insisted on doing certain breathing-exercises to speed up recovery. Jarod wasn't sure that they were benefiting him much, but if Sydney believed they did, the battle was half won.
Four days after returning from the hospital Jarod had to go out to get some provisions. The supplies he had picked up on the day they returned from the hospital were running low. Besides, both men had a week old stubble and though both men looked rather handsome with a beard, they preferred to be clean-shaven.
He announced to Sydney he was going out and found him doubled over in pain, or so he thought. He rushed over to help Sydney out.
"What are you doing, Jarod?" Sydney gasped in indignation.
"You were in pain and..."
"I was just having some problems straightening up. I still have not recovered, but I thought doing some yoga-exercises might help me along better. Guess I have to wait for another couple of days."
"Are you sure you want to start doing it now? You should rest..."
"Jarod, I am tired of the word rest, let alone the action. Stop fussing, do your errands. I promise I will sit here very quietly until you return, Now go!" He gave him a soft smile to take the sting out of his words.
"I'll be back soon." Jarod left the house quickly.
Sydney sighed a breath of relief. Being a bachelor all his life, he wasn't used to having someone around the house continuously, especially not a "mother-hen". Mind, he loved Jarod like his own son and maybe someday he would tell him, but being mothered 24 hours a day... Even "family" could be too much of a fine thing. True, given the circumstances, he needed mothering, but now that he was on the road to recovery a little bit of privacy was preferred.
He got up from the floor and winced in pain. No, strenuous yoga-exercises at this time would have to wait. It wasn't such a good idea after all. But he didn't want to wait too long to get his strength back. He didn't want to lose the resolve to confront Miss Parker.
He decided to move to the living room and engage in watching mind-numbing television rather than being bored by the four walls of the bedroom.
Pressing his arm to the side, his sling being a nuisance at times, he flopped onto the couch and reached for the remote control, but instead of pressing the ON-button he tapped the device to his chin and surveyed the room. One thing he must say, Jarod kept the place quite tidy. Miss Parker would have nothing to complain about that. He put the remote down.
Ah, Miss Parker. How should he breach the subject? Demure? Contrite? Playing on her female instincts not to harm a weak, old man? A stab of remembered pain when Jarod had pounced on him went through him. A repeat performance was not desired.
No, whatever the consequences, he would tackle it with resolve and strength, as the saying goes: head on.
He and Jarod had been avoiding the issue once it had been voiced. They had talked and discussed a numerous amount of topics and subjects, but any mentioning of "the plan" made them pull up short. Or rather, Jarod wasn't comfortable yet discussing it, which worried Sydney. He thought Jarod would have been elated with the thought of bringing the Centre down. Guess he was mistaken.
Doubt of involving Miss Parker started gnawing at his insides.
No, he had to go ahead now. Once he had decided to take this road his sleep had been plagued with the chance of failure and his apprehension.
When Jarod returned he found Sydney dozing on the couch and waking up the minute he entered. Judging from the dark circles under his eyes, Jarod wondered if that was what he had been doing for the last couple of nights instead of having a normal sleep. For the last couple of nights Sydney had only woken him up from his own sleep once with another nightmare.
"You have only been dozing instead of sleeping lately, have you Sydney?" Jarod stated.
"I have been resting."
"Resting, yes! Dozing, yes! But not sleeping, am I right?"
"Why ask if you know the answer? Just say, I don't fancy my dreams at the moment."
"Are you positive you want to go ahead with it?"
"Yes! Part of my nightmares is not doing anything. Maybe I'll sleep better afterwards." Neither man voiced the unspoken thought "or be dead by Miss Parker's hand".
Jarod changed the subject, "I bought us a shaving kit. Do you want me to shave you?"
Sydney ran his hand over his week's growth and although he could take his arm out of the sling he also knew that his hands would be shaking too much. He smiled at Jarod, "That would be appreciated, provided you don't do a Sweeney on me."
Jarod grinned his "boy grin" back, "I'll promise not to cut you."
Two days later Sydney announced he was well enough to meet Miss Parker.
"Sydney, you must be joking," Jarod replied, "If you are well enough I am the King of Siam."
Sydney bowed in mock reference. "I can postpone it indefinitely, Jarod, or I can face it as soon as possible. Now seems like a good time as any."
"Now... would be suicide. Physically... (-"I am well enough"-) you're still too weak. Mentally... (-"I am not mad, but lucid."-) you're totally unfit..."
"Are you finished Jarod? Fine! If you could set up a meet for, say, tomorrow. Whatever the outcome, I'll be out of your hair soon."
"But Sydney..."
"No, Jarod, the anticipation is hurting me just as much as the actual injury. Set it up for tomorrow." He got up and left the room, leaving Jarod in the living room wondering where everything had gone wrong. He reached for his cell-phone and dialled a number, "Miss Parker..."
The next morning they drove to a motel near Horne Bay. It was normally used for summer day-trippers, so it was all very quiet now. Jarod glanced over at Sydney a couple of times while he was driving and wasn't too happy with either his pallor or the dark circles under his eyes, which proved another sleepless night. "Didn't get too much sleep last night?" he asked lightly, already knowing the answer. A small "grumph" came from the right. "Why don't you doze for a while? I'll wake you up when we get to the motel." This time an affirmative "grumph".
Renewal wing
The corridor was dark. Only here and there a small light showed, which did nothing more than emphasize the darkness. Why was he here? Which corridor was he in?
He couldn't see anything recognisable. No, Wait, this must be the Renewal wing. He gritted his teeth in disgust. Oh yes, he knew this wing well. Hadn't he spent some time in there after the bomb blast? He moved cautiously forward, still unsure why he should be here.
After a couple of steps he came to a partly open door. He looked in.
Inside, the room was almost as dark as the corridor he was standing in. A lone figure sat on a cot.
"Who's there?" it cried. Sydney didn't answer. "Ah, well, if you don't want to make yourself known, so be it."
Sydney wondered who the man could be... then there was light and Sydney recognized himself from when he was being "re-educated". Unshaven, unkempt, blindly staring forward and wearing the same sweatshirt for days. He remembered how he had hated that smell and the condition he had been left in.
The dream-Sydney got up from the bed and moved towards him with a sureness of step, which belied his blindness, stopping only inches away from him, sightless eyes looking into his face. It was very disconcerting to see and it brought a smile of amusement to him to know that he must have rattled some of his "educators" composure indeed if this was the effect he must have had on them.
"Who are you than?" the dream-Sydney asked, "You don't smell like the others."
"A friend," he answered quietly.
The dream-Sydney snorted, "Are you going to let me out?"
Sydney was startled, he was looking at the dream-Sydney, but the question was made in Jarod's voice.
It continued in Jarod's voice, "Please, Sydney, let me out of here. They beat me, they don't feed me and they leave me in the dark. (-it changed to Jacob's young boy's voice-) I don't want to be left alone. They will forget me. I am afraid. (-it changed to Miss Parker's young voice-) I want my mommy. Get me out of here, please Sydney. (-a chorus of voices-) Please, Sydney! (-his own voice-) You have to get us out of here, we're being buried here. We're suffocating, please."
The dream-Sydney advanced on him and he retreated. The dream-Sydney stretched out a groping hand and touched him... he was shrouded in darkness.
Maniacal laughter sounded in front of him and he recognised Raines', "The blind leading the blind on the merry-go-round. Where are you going to lead them, Sydney, if you don't know where your are going?" Raines took him by the shoulders and spun him around.
A cacophony of voices surrounded him, "Rescue... safe... lead... help... please..."
He was spun faster and didn't know where he was going. He stumbled and fell...and fell...
Sydney awoke with a start. His eyes moving rapidly from right to left. For a moment he had no idea where he was. Then he remembered and allowed himself to lean back into the headrest, closing his eyes briefly, before denying himself to drop into another slumber.
Jarod asked if he was alright and with a confirmation from Sydney let the matter drop. It wasn't too difficult to figure out what the dream was all about.
They arrived at the motel around noon and made themselves comfortable. Jarod had used up all the bread and prepared sandwiches before they left and they were eating some of them for lunch. The motel room came with a kettle and they managed to make some coffee and settle themselves before Miss Parker arrived.
"Last chance, Sydney, you sure you want to go through with it?"
"Yes," then more definite, "I am quite positive."
"Have you decided what tact you are going to use?"
"Just go with the flow, I guess."
"Does this mean I have to restrain her?" Jarod asked mischievously.
Sydney smiled, "I hope nothing that drastic."
"Will I have to restrain myself?" Jarod asked softly.
"I hope not, Jarod," Sydney answered with less surety.
They sat in awkward silence. For two people who had to tell each other so much it was uncanny.
Miss Parker showed up mid-afternoon. She was alone. "Hi guys. Hope you didn't have to wait long? Don't worry," she said looking at the glum faces and misconstruing their meaning, "I switched cars before I got here. I didn't see anybody following me, so I think we are safe from the Centre. God, all these cloak and dagger games. Even after all these years one never gets used to it."
She looked at both men. Normally they wouldn't let her rant this much. She had been worried about Sydney, yes, she knew he would not be jumping up and down -well, at least not for a while- and she was a bit nervous coming here, hence the ranting. But both men looked as if the cat had died after dragging something repulsive in. She was a bit miffed with their reaction.
"Hey, you don't have to be overjoyed to see me, but at least a weak "Hello Miss Parker" would suffice," she now almost glared at them and Jarod wondered if their initial reaction could jeopardise Sydney's resolve.
"Hello, Miss Parker," he said belatedly, "It has nothing to do with you..."
"Yes it has," said Sydney softly and Jarod could almost hit him for being too frank, "We are happy to see you, though, even if we might have given you a different impression."
She sat down and faced them. Jarod seemed to be ill at ease, more than usual. She knew he must still fear to be taken by her to the Centre, but she had promised a truce until Sydney was well enough to return to the Centre. She wasn't going to renege on that.
Sydney looked better from when she had last seen him, but it was obvious that he wasn't well yet. His face was still white with fatigue and the dark circles under his eyes showed that he had not been sleeping well. Every time he shifted his position she could see the ghost of pain flit past his face, even when he tried to disguise it... badly. A sling supported his left arm and she wondered why they had thought it would be a good idea for her to pick him up and return him to the Centre now. Maybe they got on each other's nerves, she mentally grinned.
"So, is anybody going to tell me what's going on, or are we going to play the cat-got-your-tongue game until we die of old age?"
Jarod looked furtively at Sydney and Sydney was desperately trying to find the right opening words. Miss Parker's patience was wearing thin. Patience had never been her strong point and both men were stretching it to the limit. She lit a cigarette.
"It is rather difficult to start," began Sydney, shifting uncomfortably and not only because of the injury, "It is rather delicate and I am not sure if you will appreciate the knowledge..."
She sat back in her chair, it sounded interesting.
Sydney fidgeted for a moment, something she hadn't known him to do for a long while. It was so unlike him and she started to wonder what news could bring this on.
Finally Sydney considered starting at the beginning might be a good place to start as any. Maybe he had to muddle through with it and maybe she would get upset with it all; he had to cross that bridge when he came to it. He sat back and started to tell his story.
Sydney relates
I was still a young man when your mother approached me to work at the Centre. I had just published my thesis on the education of possible super-children, future super geniuses if you like. I truly believed in it then and so did Catherine.
She described the Centre to me as a place, which strived to do good for humanity. A place where scientists and doctors of all fields were trying to find ways to eradicate all ills in the world, like poverty, starvation and war. A place that was dedicated to finding solutions to everlasting peace among nations and freedom for all, long before anybody ever heard of hippies and their ideals. If my ideas could work to create super geniuses, their knowledge and skills could be used to reach those goals.
It was the beginning of the 60's. World War 2 had ended and the Vietnam War hadn't even started, people were rebuilding the world. We were still idealistic and her enthusiasm infective. I had not decided what to do yet and the idea of working with children, testing my ideas that I had set forth in my thesis and at the same time become a pawn to help humanity was too much of a temptation to refuse and I accepted her offer.
In those days the Centre was set to reach those goals, even Mr Parker was a most dedicated man to the cause. Had you told me then that it would chance into the monstrosity it is today I would have laughed in your face and would be pointing out all the good things we were doing.
All went well for a while and I was feeling at home for the first time in a long while. Catherine was almost like a dear sister to Jacob and me, and the three of us would often go out together.
I don't know when it happened, at least not the right date, but Mr Parker was approached by the Triumvirate who saw more in the Centre than a load of do-gooders. It saw the potential to amass power! Find a cure for a disease and sell it to the highest bidder. Create a defence system and sell it to the most aggressive who had just bought the latest weapons to try out on their neighbours. But neither Catherine nor we knew about it until it was too late.
We were supplied with gifted children, normally by spotters who approached the parents with promises of a better life or career for the young potentials and the parents were quite honoured to let their children be raised to become the next generation of super geniuses, which parent wouldn't. By that time it was like sending your child to a private school without having to pay the tuition fees.
Catherine married Mr Parker and we saw less of her at the Children's wing. We saw even less of her outside working-hours. She was now the Chairman's wife and they tried to make us believe that she didn't want to see us because of that. We didn't believe it, of course.
Then Raines joined the team as well. I had never really liked him. His methods were too extreme to be viable. When I complained about it to Mr Parker, he said that the Centre had to try out new ways to see if they might work better than proven and tested older ideas. We weren't happy with it, but who was to say if those ideas couldn't work. We should have known better.
When we first realised that the Triumvirate was running the Centre instead of the Centre running itself, we knew it was too late.
Sydney coughed and paused to drink some water. Miss Parker sat very quietly, not giving away any of her feelings and trying to determine where the story was leading to. Jarod was just quiet. Neither of the two had ever heard the right story of the Centre's beginnings and were amazed to hear that it was considered once as a force for good. Sydney continued.
By that time they brought children to us who were in trauma of being taken away from their parents and we started to suspect that they had not been taken with their parent's consent. Jacob left the Centre to find out what was going on.
It was in this period that they brought you, Jarod, to the Centre and put you in my care. It was with your coming that my suspicion grew. Your behaviour was not of a boy who was just taken from his parents, it reeked of kidnapping. I was seriously considering leaving then and find a way to expose the Centre to the authorities.
But the Triumvirate needed me to keep the project going and they knew they had to find a way to keep me there. They staged the car accident that made me believe that Claudia was killed in the accident, threatening me with a reckless driving and murder charge. It kept me quiet for a short while.
You, Jarod, kept me busy in those days while I was trying to cope with Claudia's presumed death. Not only that, but you were the first of all the children so far who showed the potential we had been searching for. I must admit, it was pure cowardice on my side that kept me working at the Centre in those days and pride in my work. I hope you can forgive me for that.
Now I had another reason I couldn't leave or be "disposed" of. Had that been the case Raines would have completely taken over and would have twisted my work into a reproduction of his own twisted mind. A few times he managed to do it and every time, on my return, I would find the children in complete distress.
Jacob had not been sitting still in the meantime and had proof that not all was well in the Centre. Catherine had also devised a plan to set the children free. They left me in the dark as long as they could, thinking that I had now fully joined with the Centre. It didn't take long for Jacob to realise that this was not the case.
Catherine Parker came to me since I was also the resident company shrink. (-Miss Parker looked up sharply-) The official complaint was that she had trouble sleeping and thought it was a psychological rather than a physical problem, was the official complaint. The truth was twofold. On the practical side we were able to discuss the plan to get the children out. For that purpose I suggested that we took out walks in the grounds, rather than have some of the sessions inside the Centre.
The other reason she came to see me was that her husband had a violent side to his character...
At that point Miss Parker jumped up and stood seething with rage in front of Sydney. When Jarod made a move to get up, a soft touch from Sydney's hand kept him seated.
"You take that back! My father never harmed my mother!"
"Didn't he, Miss Parker?" Sydney asked softly, "Think back to when you were seven years old. You had to spend some time with your mother's friend. Remember? Do you remember why?"
"Ye-es," she said hesitantly, "my mother had picked up a cold or a virus and my father didn't want me to catch it too." She sat down again, still glaring at Sydney.
"You can't remember their fight?"
"There was no fight," she said defiantly, "That's all in your twisted mind."
"She told me and she showed me the bruises, Miss Parker, and how she was afraid for your well-being. That was why you were send away for a short while."
"That's a lie!" this time it was said with less confidence.
"No, Parker, it wasn't."
She was silent and Sydney continued.
Mr Parker became increasingly more violent (-he ignored the hostile stares Miss Parker was giving him-), taking his frustration out on his wife. (-Jarod was now eying Miss Parker with alarm-) He must have been a troubled man himself in those days, torn between the ideal of doing good and the attraction of power. He never came to see me professionally and we all know which side won. But Catherine was visiting me regularly now.
From what she told me I gathered that by then his violence wasn't that much physical anymore, but became more verbal and preferably when you were out of earshot. To justify it all he now started accusing her of having an affair with me. We had to move fast.
"That's enough, Sydney," shouted Miss Parker and before Jarod could move and stop her, in one fluid movement she had leapt the distance separating her from Sydney. Literally going for his jugular. The force of her jump toppled Sydney's chair when she impacted with it. He fell back with a grunt while Jarod managed to stop her at the last minute to carry her attack forward.
"Sydney, you alright?" Jarod called while he tried to restrain Miss Parker going for another attack. A painful grunt came from the toppled chair. In any other circumstance the situation might be called funny with Sydney's feet scissoring the air while trying to get up, as it was, Jarod was concerned about him. He looked at Miss Parker and knew he couldn't release her yet, a feral cat looked more placid compared to her, Sydney had to untangle himself.
With some difficulty he extricated himself from the undignified position he was in. When he emerged from behind the chair his face was pasty white and drops of sweat were forming on his brow.
"Are you alright, Syd?" Jarod asked worriedly.
"I'll live." Sydney gasped.
Jarod looked at Miss Parker, "Do I have your word that you will behave yourself?"
"If he stops telling lies about my father."
"They were not lies, Miss Parker. I wish they were," Sydney slowly eased himself in Jarod's chair, pressing his arm against his side trying to downplay the pain he was in, "Before the Triumvirate joined the game, Mr Parker was a good and respected man. It was not easy for me when I learned about his behaviour the first time. It is difficult to explain. It was obvious that he loved your mother very much, but the physical evidence was against him. I really wish it was a lie."
Jarod could feel Miss Parker relax under his hold. He let her go. She sat down in her own chair and lit a cigarette. He up righted the upturned chair and sat in it, more watchful now.
After making sure that Sydney was as well as could be under the circumstances, they all sat back to let him proceed, which he did after regaining his composure.
All was set to go ahead with the plan, but somehow the Centre found out. Up till this day I don't know how they found out. I have been going over the days prior to that date and I keep running into a blind wall. As far as I know there were only a handful of people who knew about it. And none of them would betray what we were about to be doing. I don't know if we will ever find out who did tell on us.
One of Jarod's simulations was going to disable the alarm system.
(-"One of my simulations, Syd?" Jarod asked incredulously-)
Yes Jarod. I don't know if you can remember running a simulation on the security system of a government building. We had to determine if it was possible for anyone to break in and bypass all the security codes. Your sim proved that it could be done and we were busy finding ways to make it more secure. The Centre runs on the same security protocols and your information was used by Major Charles to rig up a trigger to disable the system.
(-"Oh," was all Jarod could say, remembering how he enjoyed that particular simulation-)
Catherine and I were to work from the inside, while Jacob made everything ready on the outside to get away as fast and as far as possible and find a safe house until we could reunite the children with their families. Catherine would bring you, Miss Parker, to the Centre as well to include you in the escape.
I wanted to delay that date of the plan, something just didn't "feel" right. I couldn't explain why, I only know that my instincts have saved me many times, but I couldn't put it into words.
The first casualty was Jacob. Another car accident with me at the wheel, although I am sure that someone must have shot the tire to let the car run off the road. By sheer luck I wasn't killed, but it left Jacob in a coma.
Sydney paused. Remembering that fateful night always left him with a sense of loss and pain. He took a minute to compose himself before resuming.
Even with Jacob in hospital, your mother wanted to go ahead with the escape as planned. She knew where Jacob had hidden the getaway car and where we were going to take the children. Apart from getting Jacob out of the hospital, there was nothing that said we couldn't go ahead with it, bar my feelings.
Catherine brought you to the Centre under the guise that you were going to play with Jarod as a reward to him for completing a sim successfully. But the next victim on their list was your mother. Presumably shot by Major Charles, one of the conspirators who conveniently had escaped, while she was trying to safe the children. You must believe me, I didn't know it was all staged to look like a murder and I did not know that she was still alive. I grieved for her, as I grieved for a sister and as I grieved for Jacob.
I knew that there was nothing I could do, at least not on my own, to set the plan in motion then.
I plodded on. All the people I cared for either dead or as good as dead.
I even justified my work at the Centre now as a possibility to still bring good to the world. As long as I could raise them with some values, maybe things would work out different. Your friendship with Jarod was first frowned upon, but than it was seen as a catalyst to keep him obeying to do the simulations he had to do. As I saw you both grow up I regretted not having the strength to somehow go ahead with the plan. I should have done.
"You would have been killed had you done so," interjected Jarod. "And where would we have been now?"
"It's what I been telling myself all these years, but it still doesn't make it right, does it? Neither does starting to take pride in what I was doing. Oh yes, I am only human and some of the experiments wouldn't have been out of place in the same camp where I grew up. Maybe they were less inhumane nevertheless they shouldn't have been conducted."
"Okay, Freud, now we know that you are a good person at heart and it was the Centre that made you do it. Maybe Ratboy is buying it al, but I'm not. Oh, I admit, you have good streaks in you, more than you should have working for the Centre, but you're not Mr Clean either, are you?"
"I never purported to be "clean", Miss Parker, I know I'm not, I am simply regretting that I never took another chance to become clean again. Too long have I been rolling with the pigs in the mud for that."
Miss Parker raised an eyebrow, "So, what are your plans. I don't think you been telling us all of this just to clear part of your conscience. No, wait, let me guess. You want to stage another plan to free the children. That's what it is all boiling down to, isn't it? Am I right?"
"Yes," Sydney answered without preamble, "and maybe more."
"More? You mean you got more up your sleeve and are now Mr Mastermind? I think Raines must have knocked you on the head harder than we thought."
Sydney looked down at his hands and Jarod noticed that a sheen of moisture had started to form on his upper lip and forehead. Well, he had been talking for some time now and the attack of Miss Parker must have taken its toll as well. He also saw that, although well disguised, his breathing had changed to more shallow breaths.
"Shall we all give it a rest for the moment," he suggested light-heartedly, "I bet Sydney could do with some, he has been talking almost all afternoon and my ears could do with some as well. Some coffee and sandwiches everybody?" He just hoped there was enough to go around. He didn't fancy leaving Sydney alone with Miss Parker to get something to eat and to call something in looked rather risky.
Sydney shook his pale, tired head, "Coffee, yes please, Jarod, nothing to eat for me."
Miss Parker said she could do with something to eat and coffee while still glaring at Sydney.
While Jarod and Miss Parker were having their repast, Sydney leaned his head back against the chair. God, he was tired. After Miss Parker's attack his side hurt him more than he cared to admit or show, even small changes in position gave him sharp reminders. That, all the recounting and the lack of sleep had greatly exhausted him and before he could stop himself he had drifted off...
To be free
They had freed all the detainees in the Centre. The escape had been successful and all the operatives unhurt. Sydney was elated. It worked better than he could have hoped for. The safe house, the original house Jacob had chosen, was a grand affair set in a valley between high mountain ranges. They could all be happy here, well, for those who wanted to stay.
First priority was to find the relatives. No problem there, they found them easily.
Sydney and Jarod brought the first child, a girl, back to her parents, passing themselves off as FBI-officials. The parents were so happy to see their little girl, it warmed Sydney's old heart, it had all been worthwhile.
They were having coffee -the parents insisted- with the reunited family in the living room. The girl standing between her two parents in front of the coffee table. She was going to cut the cake while Sydney and Jarod were filling the parents in with a fabricated rehearsed story. She picked up the knife, smiled at her parents, looked at the cake and turned round to slash at her parents throats in one quick movement.
When she looked back at Sydney, the front of her dress and face were splattered with blood, the hand holding the knife almost slippery with it. She smiled her angelic smile at him. "Would you like a piece too?"
Sydney screamed...
The exhaustion on Sydney's face was quite apparent to Jarod and he was pleased to see that Sydney had nodded off and sleeping peacefully for the first time in days, Jarod noticed even noticed that a small smile had crept around the corners of Sydney's mouth.
Miss Parker's voice drew his attention back to her, "Freud wants to free the children, doesn't he? (-a nod from Jarod-) And he wants my co-operation? (-another nod-) Then he has a strange way of asking me, telling lies about my father..."
"Why would he lie about it to you?"
"To make me hate him so much, that I couldn't care less who will suffer when we get the kids out. If we succeed the Triumvirate will make him pay for it. I can't let that happen! Neither can I let Sydney get away with it either."
"After all that has happened, you really believe your father to be incapable of such cruelty? Who would you sooner believe, Parker?"
"Both have lied to me in the past, or at least withheld information. I know, Sydney keeps telling me, when I find out about any secrets, that it had been all for my own good, but is it? So many secrets still buried. What if they both only tell me what they want me to know, or believe, for their own benefit? How much of what was said today is the full truth?
You believe him, don't you? I can ask you the same thing, after all that has happened do you really believe Sydney to be incapable of lying to suit his own means? Somehow in the last couple of days his conscience has been playing up and he believes that by saving the children it will be wiped clean again and he will be on the Road to Redemption. Has he fully considered whom he is going to drag down with him?
How come he never told you about Major Charles? I can't believe that he didn't know he was your father. After all his work at the Centre, we now have to believe that he didn't want to do what he had been doing all these years? Oh, sorry, I can understand that. He's a coward at heart, one who justifies his cowardice by claiming he did it to protect us, yeah, right."
"In ways you are right, Miss Parker. But what if Jacob had recruited Major Charles? And, yes, Sydney does have a small streak of cowardice in him as have we all. From early on he learned to be a survivor, it has become a basic instinct to him."
"What? Are you his shrink now?"
"Maybe! But you have to admit, that if it hadn't been for Sydney, then Raines would have "taken care" of us and what would we have turned out to be? We have seen his handiwork. Which would you have preferred to become: a vegetable or an assassin?" He looked hard at Miss Parker. Anger was still smouldering behind her eyes, but she seemed to have calmed down somewhat.
"At least with the help of Sydney we have been able to become as normal as can be expected."
"I consider myself normal, thank you very much!"
"Are you really, Parker? Your relationship with men bears witness to the contrary."
"How dare you?" she hissed and glared at him, "That's totally uncalled for."
"Is it? If it hadn't been for me, Thomas..."
"You?" she scoffed, "Why, you..."
A muffled scream from Sydney stopped their bickering. His eyes had opened and he looked in bewilderment around him, the dream not having completely left his retina.
Jarod and Miss Parker both went to his side. He looked at them sadly before doubling over in pain. They helped him get out of the chair and over to the bed, where they eased him on the pillows.
"Rest now," Jarod said, pushing Sydney gently back in the pillows when he started to rise again.
No, Sydney shook his head silently. The dream-images, which still gripped his mind and the pain in his side making it impossible for him to speak yet.
Jarod looked over at Miss Parker, silently asking for her help. She came over to the other side of the bed and laid her hand gently on Sydney's shoulder, "Jarod is right, you should take a rest now, Syd, even if it was only for a short while." She smiled awkwardly, embarrassed with her show of emotion.
Sydney nodded and lay back in the pillows, trying to ease his breathing. His eyes wanted to close so badly, God, he was exhausted, but the remembrance of the dream forced them open again.
"Sydney, you can't go on like this. You're wearing yourself out. You haven't had a decent sleep for days now," Jarod spoke with concern. Miss Parker looked over at Jarod, a question on her brow. Jarod shook his head.
Finally Sydney spoke gain, "I have to finish, before I lose my resolve. I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll be dragged further down into my nightmares and I don't know how I will come out of it." Briefly he closed his eyes before resuming...
The last couple of years the Centre has been completely giving itself over to the dark side of science. This was further exacerbated with the coming of Lyle and Brigitte and the rising in power of Raines. For a short time even Mr Parker had a change of heart with the pending birth of his son.
Lyle's scheming nearly sent the Centre into a spiral of evil and nearly caused your father's death. A pity that the pull of power was too strong for your father to resist for long. Than again, had he not clawed and schemed himself back into the saddle, the Triumvirate would have taken over completely, this time with Raines and Lyle firmly at the helm. That you father still hasn't done away with those two schemers is still beyond me.
Just saving the children is not enough this time. (-"Here we go," said Miss Parker-) Yes, Miss Parker, you know as well as I do, that if we stopped with only saving the children currently present at the Centre, they will start up their diabolical practices the minute we get them out.
We also know that this time it will not only be kidnappings, or have you forgotten their cloning-programme? The abominations that were concocted in that laboratory... I am not talking about the one good result they had, but all the ones before that. I'm willing to bet that some of the creations which have gone wrong are still locked somewhere in the Centre. There were not enough "spare parts" to make up the number of failures they might have had judging from the evidence in the laboratory.
Only Pretender-"Material" is given in my care and some cases, which have to be handled with care rather than bullying. The others are given to Raines to be trained as assassins and Specials. I hate to think how Raines is training them. He has tried his hand at creating Pretenders as well and Angelo is one of his sorry results. He hasn't got the patience to wait for several years to see the result and therefore uses means, which are cruel to the nth degree.
"You mean to say that there are more Pretenders?" Jarod asked surprised.
"Yes, none as good as you are, but still on the road to becoming good Pretenders. And I'm still helping them create to them," Sydney hung his head in shame, "To all intents and purposes, it's what I am good at doing. It doesn't give me as much pleasure any more..."
"You bastard," shouted Jarod and this time it was Miss Parker who looked worried, "After all that has happened to me. After all that you know that is going on and the knowledge what they are doing with their skills, you still help "create" them?"
"Yes, but..."
"Oh, yes, you don't feel the same pleasure anymore! You are just as bad as the others. Worse, you know that what you are doing is evil. The others thrive on it. How can you?"
"Do you want me to say "No"? Do you want me to hand them over to Raines and his kind? In this way I will be able to guide them to a more constructive rather than a destructive way of thinking."
"It is still wrong, Sydney," Jarod pleaded.
"I know! That's why I want to do something about it. It has been preying on mind for a long time now. I know we can't turn the clocks back, but we can find a way to stop it!"
"How, Freud?" chimed in Miss Parker, "When you talked about saving the children from the Centre, I could feel some affiliation with that. I might even give you my full support." When she saw Jarod and Sydney look up in surprise, she continued, "I have had my doubts over the years as well, you two are not the only ones. Finding out that my mother was involved in the initial escape, tells me there must be some good in it.
But when you are telling me that you want to go one step further and expose the Centre and the Triumvirate, then I think I have to stop you there. I would be the last person on Earth to have to stand in your way doing it, but I will also be the first person to stop you if your actions mean that it will hurt my father and all that I have believed in for my whole life.
I realise that what the Centre is doing is not completely above board, but it is also my life's work! My father is the Head of the organisation. What do you think would happen to him if the Centre's exposed? If the authorities don't get him, the Triumvirate will. What will happen to me? Or you? Or Broots? Thought of that yet, Einstein?
I don't give a damn what happens to Raines and some of the others, and when it comes to Lyle, I hope he burns in hell for all I care.
But I can't let you bring my father down! And he will go down if what you propose is going to happen, one way or another. Maybe I should have left you in Raines' care, knowing now what you propose to do! For how long have you been betraying us, Sydney?"
"I haven't, Miss Parker."
"And I have to believe that? How many times has your "clumsiness" saved Jarod from being caught? Too many to count! How many lies have you told me? I can't even begin recounting. I bet you were even glad when Labrat here escaped." She could see the hurt in both men's eyes, but she continued, "I trusted you, Syd, I really did, but I'm not sure anymore," she looked forlorn, just like the little girl Sydney used to know, unsure of the whole situation.
Sydney's voice dropped to the soft voice, which normally surrounded her when she was feeling depressed or rejected by her own father, "You can still trust me, Miss Parker. You know I would do nothing to hurt you. If there is a way to keep your father from harm I will find that way. But you also know that we can't let the Centre continue as it is. They are too much under the influence of the Triumvirate now to be called anything but evil. We have to stop them before they go too far and there is no way to turn the tide.
If it means that you will have to kill me to stop me finding a way to do so, than kill me now and have done with it. Because you will have to kill me to stop me from trying to do what I think I have to do. At least, at your hands, it will be a clean kill.
You can then bring Jarod in and live happily ever after, knowing that the Centre is safe. But you can't stop me from planning the downfall of the Centre and the Triumvirate." He looked her squarely in the eyes, but she could detect a hint of sadness there.
Sydney looked at her and saw the dilemma in her eyes; she was torn between her loyalty to her father and the Centre and the trust she had in Sydney. He hoped he had gambled right.
She stood up, her face as cold as ice and showing no emotion. Without betraying it in his face, Sydney sent up a silent prayer, it was over. "Sorry, Jarod, for failing you," he thought silently.
She stopped at the foot of the bed and looked at him, "Do you really think you could get away with it, Freud?"
He shrugged his shoulders, not trusting the strength of his voice.
She reached in her pocket (-and was pleased when she saw Sydney slightly wince in anticipation-) and withdrew her cigarettes. "Let him sweat a bit," she thought. She lit one before continuing, "Did you really think you can pull it off? And get my co-operation?" She was pleased to see that he was at a loss for words. He had scared her as well, let him be scared for a change.
Jarod, not realising the game she was playing, pleaded for Sydney now, "Miss Parker, even if you don't agree or don't want to co-operate, you can't kill Sydney!"
"Why not, Ratboy?"
"He has been the only one who has ever been there for you... us... Without him, who will protect you? Who will be there for you like a family?"
"Don't assume too much! I can protect myself pretty well, thank you. I don't need a shrink or his pet-experiment to do so. (-This time she had hurt them both. Good! Next time they might consider her anxieties as well-) Family? What sort of family keeps so many secrets? What sort of family asks another member to either kill or betray?"
When she looked at their guilty and sad faces she couldn't keep up the charade much longer and laughed out loud. Confusing the two men thoroughly, "If Sydney can find a way to keep my father from harm, because however bad he might have become I still love him, and to bring the Triumvirate down than count me in!"
The sighs of relief were almost audible.
Jarod ran over to her and hugged her in the strongest hug she had ever encountered. His face was almost childishly joyful. Tears of relief were unashamedly coursing down his cheeks. She tried to wriggle out of the hug embarrassingly, but he didn't notice and gripped her stronger.
"Let go of me, you... you..."
"Admit it, Miss Parker, you need a hug!" Jarod held her at arms length and smiled at her.
She frowned at first and than smiled back.
Sydney had dropped back into the pillows, completely drained and not believing that Miss Parker had just agreed with him and let him live. The gamble had paid of, but how?
"What made you decide to agree, Miss Parker?" He asked softly.
She turned round to him, extricated herself from Jarod and sat down by the bed, taking his hand in her hands, "You, Sydney. For the last couple of months I too have been unhappy with the proceedings of the Centre, especially after Thomas' death. First they stole my mother, then my childhood and then my lover. I didn't know what to do either. As did you, I could see that the Centre's objectives were becoming more evil. I can still remember the look on my father's face when Mtumbo showed who was the real boss of the Centre. The shame on his face! Or that he had to go on the run himself to stay alive.
While you were speaking to us, I could remember that Jarod has been helping me to unravel the secrets of the past concerning my mother and that, for a while, I was still thrilled with the chase but not the pleasure of capturing him. I could remember that he was doing good deeds even while we are chasing him. He has to have those values from someone. He wasn't born with them!
I could remember that you were always there for me after my mother died. Knowing before I sometimes knew myself that I needed comfort or advice. Not that I always wanted your advice or your comfort. Always putting my feelings, or others', before your own and I knew I couldn't kill you. Neither can I give you up to the Centre, for if I did it would be better if I killed you on the spot. God knows what the Centre will do to you if they ever find out. Probably a slow, lingering death or brain damage if it was up to Raines. I knew I couldn't let that happen to you.
Baby Parker, sorry, Andrew... I want him to have a normal life, not the twisted ideas the Centre will have in store for him. I don't want him to end up like Angelo or Lyle.
I don't want my father to get harmed either. It is true, he is not showing me any fatherly love at the moment, especially not since Andrew was born. But as you have pointed out to me so often, it is not because he doesn't love me, but because he doesn't know how to show his love to me. And I remind him too much of my mother.
All things considered, your idea of stopping the centre and the Triumvirate to extent their power limitless is a very valid option. That means that you can count me in." she looked up and smiled at his tired face. He smiled back and squeezed her hand, too overcome by emotion.
Jarod moved to the other side of the bed and laid his hand on Sydney's shoulder, he also had a smile on his face, "You can count me in too, well, as long as the Ice Maiden here gives me a bit of respite to think up a plan." Miss Parker gave him one of her special frowns, which was normally preserved for Broots. It didn't work on Jarod. "Well, since we all agreed, what can we do about it?"
"We have to work this out in detail first. Think up a plan as watertight as can be. Than move in. We can't make the same mistake my mother and... the others made or we will never get the chance. We all let it rest for the moment and in about week I will pick up Sydney. Would you be all right than? (-Sydney nodded-) Good, that's settled than." She stood up to gather her things and shrugged into her coat, as if she had just been visiting the manicurist, "I'll see you by the end of the week than. Here? (-Jarod nodded-) Okay, Sydney, you take some rest. And, Jarod, forget the hug, no repeats of that. Bye than." And with a smile and a wave she was gone.
When the two men were alone, Jarod sat down by the bed and looked up at Sydney, "Will she really join us? Or will she run to the Centre and betray us?"
"Jarod, we will have to put some trust in Miss Parker. Had I not had a small hope of her joining us, I would never have told her. Or maybe I would have done anyway and am suicidal and too cowardly to end it myself.
"Sydney!"
"Honestly," he took a deep breath, wincing when he was reminded that deep breaths were out for the moment, "One part of me hoped that I hadn't misjudged Miss Parker and the other part hoped that if I had done so, I wouldn't want to live anyway. She is right, though, I am a coward at heart. Clinging to life, as if that will bring me happiness. You called it the Survival instinct, which is also true. It is my sixth sense, my second nature, but I must admit I developed it almost into an art form to live by. Justifying everything I did with it. But it isn't right. Hopefully I can redeem myself."
"You are too hard on yourself, Sydney."
"Am I, Jarod? Is it right how I have treated you over the years? Is it right that some part of me wanted you back at the Centre, while another part of me wanted you to be as far away as possible from the Centre? Is it right that I am still creating Pretenders? Hard on myself! That I have been pussyfooting around myself is a more honest description."
"You did what you had to do to survive."
"And that makes it right? No Jarod, it is not as easy as that. I know I have much to be guilty for. I am not without blame. To even think that would be an insult to both our intelligences."
"But we are going to set it right, aren't we, Sydney?"
"Yes, Jarod. If we can find a way to do it and to keep Mr Parker safe as well, we will."
"It will be difficult!"
"More difficult than it would have been in the past."
"Do you think Miss Parker will give us enough time to think up a plan?"
"I think she will. She is unhappy too."
Sydney could see that Jarod was already using his Pretender-skills to start forming a plan and he had no doubt that this time they would succeed.
For the first time in days he relaxed and let himself drift off to sleep and the nightmares stayed away.
This time they had to succeed!
THE END
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