Rinoa turned her head away. She had seen the whole thing from atop of the bridge above the room. She realized Zell didn't want anyone else to see him like this and sneaked away. She than walked on with tears in her eye. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't know what she was going to do. As she walked, she was past by Selphie and Irvine, who were drowning their doubts in an endless stream of yapping, and seemingly, with good results. Their faces began to show some of their old happiness. Selphie's enthusiast grin, and Irvine's mischievous smirk. They'd be alright. She than saw Squall. He walked up to her, his face carrying the same stoicism as ever, with the eyes just a tad warmer. And even that was really cold right now. "Rinoa, meeting in the cockpit in..." She slapped him in the face as hard as she could. Since she had still magic junctioned in her strength that was really hard. Squall bounced against the wall and fell on the ground.
"Rinoa... ?" he said. Rinoa screamed.
"SHUT UP, I don't want to hear your voice you MONSTER. How COULD you do this?" He turned his eyes away. His voice sounded weak.
"My duty as a SeeD."
"Is that ALL you can think about. YOU... YOU... Mercenary!" She ran off. Squall looked at her and slowly stood up. He began running after her, but than changed his mind. He turned around and slowly walked away. His cheek felt like a firaga was burning, and his heart like a blizzaga had gripped it.
The lights went on in the small sleeping quarters. Squall walked in and locked the door. He slowly took his gunblade from the scabbard. It was still wet with blood. His mirror image in the sword seemed to have blood running over his face. He threw it against the opposite wall of the room.
"DAMN YOU" he yelled at the weapon. "AND DAMN YOU SEIFER! And DAMN YOU RAJIN, AND FUJIN, FOR MAKING ME DO THIS." Squall burrowed his fist in the wall to the left of him. He almost went right trough the steel. "DAMN YOU ULTIMECIA, AND ADEL, AND DAMN DR. ODINE, AND LAGUNA, AND DAMN CID, AND EDEA. DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL." Squall fell on his knees. "No...I chose to do this. I must be damned. Rinoa is right. I AM a monster. I don't deserve her." Sqall sat on the bed. "Why do I always hurt the persons that love me?" He remembered himself, weeks ago, eternity ago. How he had calmly said. "Than go talk to a brick wall" He remembered how Quistis seemed to fall apart after that sentence. He remembered his own voice calmly saying "It depends" as Zell franticly held his vest. Searching for comfort, not for an analysis. He had seen the guilt and doubt continuing to eat away Zell's soul. He remembered himself angrily yelling "KEEP ME OUT OF THIS!" at Ellone, who had been like a sister to him. She had whispered that he was her only hope, and he had send her away, being consumed by despair, chased like a rabbit by angry hounds. He remembered how he had slashed at Edea, the woman that was as much as a mother he had ever had, with hardly a second thought. "You are just one of the monsters to us." he had said. Seifer had been right. HE was the monster. Seifer was under a spell. Squall was hurting out of free will. And now, he had hurt everyone. Fujin, Rajin, Selphie, Irvine, Zell.... and Rinoa.
He curled up on the bed. He felt a bit safer like that. But why would he want to be safe. To walk the planet and hurt the ones he loved? Roaming around waiting to sink his teeth into someone like a Geezard or a T-Rexaur? Why should he continue anyway? The world would be much better off without him. The SeeD within him rebelled. No, he wouldn't step away from his duty. He might be a complete failure of a human being. A monster. But he WAS a SeeD. And a SeeD always completes the mission. A SeeD ges the job done. That what Cid had said. And when this job was done, well, than he might as well call it a day. When time compression occured, he'd just let himself float. The others would probably think it was an accident, so they wouldn't have any reason to accuse themselves. Rinoa would probably be glad. She should be. She might be sad for sometime, but that was better than stay with him. He'd hurt her anyway. He felt a liquid rising within his face. He jumped of the bed and grabbed his sword. "NO...no tears. The others are counting on me to be strong. I can't afford to cry now. He looked in the sword again. His eyes were dry. Only the sword wept red tears. He put it back in his scabbard, and left the room.
In the room next to him, Rinoa was looking trough the small hole Squall's fist had made, and cried the tears he could not afford. "I must be such an easy life being a mercenary." she had said, back in Timber. What a feather-headed twit she had been back than. She wondered what she would have done when the president the SeeD's had captured had been the REAL president. She had expected Deling would have started talking after the first threat, but...if he hadn't, would she have... She felt nauseous. Serious negotiations, she had said. Who had she been kidding? A girl, playing a game. That was what she had been. She should have been thankful that it had been a double. She reflected on this. If it had been the real one... she'd probably have looked at the SeeD's, not wanting to give the command, and she would have wordlessly ordered them to 'negotiate' for her. That was their job right? She felt she had to vomit. She would have done that. She would have made them torture the president and than she would have despised them, since torturing was cruel. If Ultimecia wasn't stopped here and now, she would be captured, and Ultimecia would take over again. Rinoa shuddered at the thought. There was no memory of that period, only a slight feeling of vileness. She would be tracked down and captured, and the rest of her free life would be spend fleeing and hiding. Squall wanted to make stop it, as her knight, and she had slapped him. She ran out of the room.
Squall was walking the hallway. The sword at his side felt heavier than ever. He grinned. It wouldn't get much heavier. Soon, the hurting would stop. Than he heard a voice behind him.
"Squall" it sounded. Squall turned around. It was Rinoa, and she was coming right for him. Squall lift his arm, but changed his mind. A slap was the LEAST he deserved. He calmly waited for pain to engulf him again. Her arms caught him around his chest. "Squall" Rinoa sobbed "Please forgive me the horrible things I said. I love you." Squall wanted to answer the hug, but he knew he shouldn't.
"Rinoa, I'm not worth to be your loved one, your knight. I'm a torturer, I'm...." She put her hand before his mouth.
"Be quiet Squall. I don't believe I'd ever say this, but don't talk now." As they stood there, the casual observer would have the impression that the bigger man supported the frail girl. But those who could see instead of look saw the closed eyes of the man, as in silent prayer, and the hands that clutched the angel wings on Rinoa's back, like they were a branch that kept him from falling into an abyss. And the people who would really be immune to blindness would see that they were just that.
Zell was sitting in the room. Selphie had healed Rajin after her shower and dragged him to a closed room. He was sitting silently, having shed ever tear his red eyes could muster. Selphie and Irvine had tried to cheer him up, but he had ignored them until they left. The big door opened, and Squall entered the room. He didn't greet Zell but just sat down next to him. Thirty seconds of silence passed. Than Squall asked
"Zell, what is a hero?" Zell sighed.
"Someone who is very brave."
"So heroes are heroes from their birth, but you don't see it untill the actually do brave things?"
"Yeah."
"What are brave things?"
"Huh? Euhm, fighting against lots of enemies"
"Than all SeeD's are heroes, cause we can all hold off lots of soldiers."
"No, I mean, a really strong force. One stronger than they are"
"And those who do fight, and fail. Those are heroes? It's for a large thing a matter of luck if you fail or succeed. Not to mention people who do dangerous things without actually fighting to save the day"
"Well... yeah, those who do dangerous things are heroes, whether they succeed or fail." "Oh, is a bunjee-jumper a hero?"
"No, he wants to take the risk." "So a hero is someone who does something he doesn't want to do, like for example, risking his life, for the greater good."
"Yeah"
"Than you're a hero"
"WHAT" Zell exclaimed "but I beat up a helpless man!" "Did you like it?"
"ARE YOU KIDDING. I despised it, I'd rather de than do that again. I..." Zell pondered for a moment. "But...it's not something to be proud off. Not something like when my dad stopped 20 soldiers unarmed."
"There's a difference between a hero and a legend Zell. Your grandfather did a brave thing, and had a lot of luck, since his strength was something he was born with. But I heard about him. He loved fighting. It was his whole life. I never considered him a hero. A legend, yes, but not a hero. YOU Zell, are a hero. But heroes rarely get famous." Zell was silent. Squall arose. "Come on Zell, let's go to the cockpit. The ten minutes are almost up." Zell rose.
"Yeah right. By the way, are there any hotdogs on board." Squall's lips moved half an centimeter upwards.
"We'll check"
Rinoa and Irvine were already in the cokpit when Squall and Zell entered. Squal checked his watch. Than Selphie ran in breathless.
"Rajin and Fujn escaped." Squall shrugged
"Hmmm, bad luck, now to choose a team that will go after Ellone."
"SQUALL" Selphie insisted "They couldn't have escaped unless someone opened the door for them, and only we have the key." Squall made a dismissive gesture.
"It's a mystery than. now Selphie, Irvine, you come with me. Rinoa, you stay here and sleep a little. We'll need you in top shape when we confront Ultimecia. Zell you guard the ship." Zell started to protest but Squall silenced him with a gesture. "hand over the Junctions to eachother." Rinoa took Irvines hand and Zell angrily took Selphie's. A blue glow encompassed them as the GF's and the magic flowed from one mind to the other. "Let's go" Squall said and he left, followed by Selphie and Irvine.
"Well, goodnight Zell" Rinoa yawned, and headed for the dorms. Zell grumbled and waked away. Why couldn't he join them. He wanted to be there too.
Quistis was sitting on the chair of the meeting-room, waiting for Squall to enter and accuse her. She wouldn't deny the accusations. She didn't like to lie for one, and she didn't regretted it. She HAD to do something for her students. She heard footsteps. In a couple of seconds all would be over, Quistis thought. At least she had partly paid back the treason to her pupils, with treason to her comrades. Than she saw Zell walking by, stomping his foot angrily with each step like he always did when he was ticked off.
"ZELL," she yelled. Zell entered.
"Oh there you are instructor. We missed you at the briefing. Squall, Irvine and Selphie left." Quistis arched her eyebrows. Questions seemed to burn within her, but the fires went out as she took further notice of Zell's bad mood.
"What's the matter Zell? You have a problem?"
"Yeah, Squall didn't take me with him. But I WANT to kick some ass. I feel so useless here." Quistis sighed. Zell often had this problem when he was left on board.
"Zell," she began. "There must always be someone left. It's regulations and it's smart too. Suppose they get hurt. They might need back-up and furthermore..." Half an hour later, Zell left the room, feeling confident once again. Quistis saw him leaving like a mother seeing her child go off to school. Poor Zell. She was glad she had helped him. Maybe she should call to Garden to see if things were alright there. She left the room and suddenly stopped. She realized something, laughed and shook her head. "Oh, Squall" she laughed "and me thinking you didn't change."
400 meters further, a man fought, together with another man and a woman, for the fate of the world, for the fate of his loved one and ... now he realized, maybe for the first time, for his life.
End.
Despite what you may think, Rand Al'Thor does not condone torture. Don't flame me, please don't flame me. :)
"Rinoa... ?" he said. Rinoa screamed.
"SHUT UP, I don't want to hear your voice you MONSTER. How COULD you do this?" He turned his eyes away. His voice sounded weak.
"My duty as a SeeD."
"Is that ALL you can think about. YOU... YOU... Mercenary!" She ran off. Squall looked at her and slowly stood up. He began running after her, but than changed his mind. He turned around and slowly walked away. His cheek felt like a firaga was burning, and his heart like a blizzaga had gripped it.
The lights went on in the small sleeping quarters. Squall walked in and locked the door. He slowly took his gunblade from the scabbard. It was still wet with blood. His mirror image in the sword seemed to have blood running over his face. He threw it against the opposite wall of the room.
"DAMN YOU" he yelled at the weapon. "AND DAMN YOU SEIFER! And DAMN YOU RAJIN, AND FUJIN, FOR MAKING ME DO THIS." Squall burrowed his fist in the wall to the left of him. He almost went right trough the steel. "DAMN YOU ULTIMECIA, AND ADEL, AND DAMN DR. ODINE, AND LAGUNA, AND DAMN CID, AND EDEA. DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL." Squall fell on his knees. "No...I chose to do this. I must be damned. Rinoa is right. I AM a monster. I don't deserve her." Sqall sat on the bed. "Why do I always hurt the persons that love me?" He remembered himself, weeks ago, eternity ago. How he had calmly said. "Than go talk to a brick wall" He remembered how Quistis seemed to fall apart after that sentence. He remembered his own voice calmly saying "It depends" as Zell franticly held his vest. Searching for comfort, not for an analysis. He had seen the guilt and doubt continuing to eat away Zell's soul. He remembered himself angrily yelling "KEEP ME OUT OF THIS!" at Ellone, who had been like a sister to him. She had whispered that he was her only hope, and he had send her away, being consumed by despair, chased like a rabbit by angry hounds. He remembered how he had slashed at Edea, the woman that was as much as a mother he had ever had, with hardly a second thought. "You are just one of the monsters to us." he had said. Seifer had been right. HE was the monster. Seifer was under a spell. Squall was hurting out of free will. And now, he had hurt everyone. Fujin, Rajin, Selphie, Irvine, Zell.... and Rinoa.
He curled up on the bed. He felt a bit safer like that. But why would he want to be safe. To walk the planet and hurt the ones he loved? Roaming around waiting to sink his teeth into someone like a Geezard or a T-Rexaur? Why should he continue anyway? The world would be much better off without him. The SeeD within him rebelled. No, he wouldn't step away from his duty. He might be a complete failure of a human being. A monster. But he WAS a SeeD. And a SeeD always completes the mission. A SeeD ges the job done. That what Cid had said. And when this job was done, well, than he might as well call it a day. When time compression occured, he'd just let himself float. The others would probably think it was an accident, so they wouldn't have any reason to accuse themselves. Rinoa would probably be glad. She should be. She might be sad for sometime, but that was better than stay with him. He'd hurt her anyway. He felt a liquid rising within his face. He jumped of the bed and grabbed his sword. "NO...no tears. The others are counting on me to be strong. I can't afford to cry now. He looked in the sword again. His eyes were dry. Only the sword wept red tears. He put it back in his scabbard, and left the room.
In the room next to him, Rinoa was looking trough the small hole Squall's fist had made, and cried the tears he could not afford. "I must be such an easy life being a mercenary." she had said, back in Timber. What a feather-headed twit she had been back than. She wondered what she would have done when the president the SeeD's had captured had been the REAL president. She had expected Deling would have started talking after the first threat, but...if he hadn't, would she have... She felt nauseous. Serious negotiations, she had said. Who had she been kidding? A girl, playing a game. That was what she had been. She should have been thankful that it had been a double. She reflected on this. If it had been the real one... she'd probably have looked at the SeeD's, not wanting to give the command, and she would have wordlessly ordered them to 'negotiate' for her. That was their job right? She felt she had to vomit. She would have done that. She would have made them torture the president and than she would have despised them, since torturing was cruel. If Ultimecia wasn't stopped here and now, she would be captured, and Ultimecia would take over again. Rinoa shuddered at the thought. There was no memory of that period, only a slight feeling of vileness. She would be tracked down and captured, and the rest of her free life would be spend fleeing and hiding. Squall wanted to make stop it, as her knight, and she had slapped him. She ran out of the room.
Squall was walking the hallway. The sword at his side felt heavier than ever. He grinned. It wouldn't get much heavier. Soon, the hurting would stop. Than he heard a voice behind him.
"Squall" it sounded. Squall turned around. It was Rinoa, and she was coming right for him. Squall lift his arm, but changed his mind. A slap was the LEAST he deserved. He calmly waited for pain to engulf him again. Her arms caught him around his chest. "Squall" Rinoa sobbed "Please forgive me the horrible things I said. I love you." Squall wanted to answer the hug, but he knew he shouldn't.
"Rinoa, I'm not worth to be your loved one, your knight. I'm a torturer, I'm...." She put her hand before his mouth.
"Be quiet Squall. I don't believe I'd ever say this, but don't talk now." As they stood there, the casual observer would have the impression that the bigger man supported the frail girl. But those who could see instead of look saw the closed eyes of the man, as in silent prayer, and the hands that clutched the angel wings on Rinoa's back, like they were a branch that kept him from falling into an abyss. And the people who would really be immune to blindness would see that they were just that.
Zell was sitting in the room. Selphie had healed Rajin after her shower and dragged him to a closed room. He was sitting silently, having shed ever tear his red eyes could muster. Selphie and Irvine had tried to cheer him up, but he had ignored them until they left. The big door opened, and Squall entered the room. He didn't greet Zell but just sat down next to him. Thirty seconds of silence passed. Than Squall asked
"Zell, what is a hero?" Zell sighed.
"Someone who is very brave."
"So heroes are heroes from their birth, but you don't see it untill the actually do brave things?"
"Yeah."
"What are brave things?"
"Huh? Euhm, fighting against lots of enemies"
"Than all SeeD's are heroes, cause we can all hold off lots of soldiers."
"No, I mean, a really strong force. One stronger than they are"
"And those who do fight, and fail. Those are heroes? It's for a large thing a matter of luck if you fail or succeed. Not to mention people who do dangerous things without actually fighting to save the day"
"Well... yeah, those who do dangerous things are heroes, whether they succeed or fail." "Oh, is a bunjee-jumper a hero?"
"No, he wants to take the risk." "So a hero is someone who does something he doesn't want to do, like for example, risking his life, for the greater good."
"Yeah"
"Than you're a hero"
"WHAT" Zell exclaimed "but I beat up a helpless man!" "Did you like it?"
"ARE YOU KIDDING. I despised it, I'd rather de than do that again. I..." Zell pondered for a moment. "But...it's not something to be proud off. Not something like when my dad stopped 20 soldiers unarmed."
"There's a difference between a hero and a legend Zell. Your grandfather did a brave thing, and had a lot of luck, since his strength was something he was born with. But I heard about him. He loved fighting. It was his whole life. I never considered him a hero. A legend, yes, but not a hero. YOU Zell, are a hero. But heroes rarely get famous." Zell was silent. Squall arose. "Come on Zell, let's go to the cockpit. The ten minutes are almost up." Zell rose.
"Yeah right. By the way, are there any hotdogs on board." Squall's lips moved half an centimeter upwards.
"We'll check"
Rinoa and Irvine were already in the cokpit when Squall and Zell entered. Squal checked his watch. Than Selphie ran in breathless.
"Rajin and Fujn escaped." Squall shrugged
"Hmmm, bad luck, now to choose a team that will go after Ellone."
"SQUALL" Selphie insisted "They couldn't have escaped unless someone opened the door for them, and only we have the key." Squall made a dismissive gesture.
"It's a mystery than. now Selphie, Irvine, you come with me. Rinoa, you stay here and sleep a little. We'll need you in top shape when we confront Ultimecia. Zell you guard the ship." Zell started to protest but Squall silenced him with a gesture. "hand over the Junctions to eachother." Rinoa took Irvines hand and Zell angrily took Selphie's. A blue glow encompassed them as the GF's and the magic flowed from one mind to the other. "Let's go" Squall said and he left, followed by Selphie and Irvine.
"Well, goodnight Zell" Rinoa yawned, and headed for the dorms. Zell grumbled and waked away. Why couldn't he join them. He wanted to be there too.
Quistis was sitting on the chair of the meeting-room, waiting for Squall to enter and accuse her. She wouldn't deny the accusations. She didn't like to lie for one, and she didn't regretted it. She HAD to do something for her students. She heard footsteps. In a couple of seconds all would be over, Quistis thought. At least she had partly paid back the treason to her pupils, with treason to her comrades. Than she saw Zell walking by, stomping his foot angrily with each step like he always did when he was ticked off.
"ZELL," she yelled. Zell entered.
"Oh there you are instructor. We missed you at the briefing. Squall, Irvine and Selphie left." Quistis arched her eyebrows. Questions seemed to burn within her, but the fires went out as she took further notice of Zell's bad mood.
"What's the matter Zell? You have a problem?"
"Yeah, Squall didn't take me with him. But I WANT to kick some ass. I feel so useless here." Quistis sighed. Zell often had this problem when he was left on board.
"Zell," she began. "There must always be someone left. It's regulations and it's smart too. Suppose they get hurt. They might need back-up and furthermore..." Half an hour later, Zell left the room, feeling confident once again. Quistis saw him leaving like a mother seeing her child go off to school. Poor Zell. She was glad she had helped him. Maybe she should call to Garden to see if things were alright there. She left the room and suddenly stopped. She realized something, laughed and shook her head. "Oh, Squall" she laughed "and me thinking you didn't change."
400 meters further, a man fought, together with another man and a woman, for the fate of the world, for the fate of his loved one and ... now he realized, maybe for the first time, for his life.
End.
Despite what you may think, Rand Al'Thor does not condone torture. Don't flame me, please don't flame me. :)