It started one Saturday afternoon, when we were returning from the mall. Now, as you might have noticed, Eudial doesn't exactly fall into the category of, er, A+ Drivers. And she was already quite irritated in having to lend Mimete over $50 to buy an autographed poster of the Backstreet Boys. And besides that, she always claimed that freeways made her nervous, so she purposely drove faster so she could hurry up and get through with it.
"But shouldn't driving faster on a freeway make you more nervous?" Tellu asked once. Eudial slammed on the breaks and blocked traffic for miles while she screamed every curse word she knew in every language this side of the Pacific. We really felt sorry for Tellu, poor thing.
But this afternoon she was driving even faster than usual. We tried to pass the time by attempting to distract her with games.
"Okay," Mimete said. "I spy something that is ... square shaped, autographed, and covered with cuties! Oohohohoh, bet you can't guess that!"
"Your poster?" Eudial said dryly.
"Yeah!"
"I spy a stupid, ditzy, worthless little brat."
Mimete frowned and went into her pout stage, and refused to speak to anyone for the next ten minutes. Eudial sped up.
"Maybe we could sing a song?" I suggested.
"Cyprine, if you start singing any stupid song, I will take you into the backyard at night and wring your neck with my own two hands, then barbeque the remains."
So much for a song. We tried dry dicussion.
"I bought an interesting new plant yesterday," Tellu said.
"What was it, poisen ivy?"
Tellu slumped over, then turned to Viluy.
"Eudial, if you don't slow down right now, I'll self-destruct," Viluy said automatically.
"Please, take the others with you!"
Finally, with no other hope, we all look to Ptilol.
"Hey Eudial, you know if you speed like this, you'll get a ticket."
"Does it look like I care?"
"Well, you already spent so much money on Mimete's poster ..."
"Shut up, Ptilol."
"You can't make me shut up!"
"Cyprine, get your twin to shut up."
"Ptilol," I sighed. "No use arguing with a stone."
We sat there for another ten minutes in complete silence, wondering if we'd ever get back to the mansion alive. Suddenly, Viluy whipped around to look behind us.
"Hey, there's a cop on our tail!" Viluy groaned.
"Told you!" Ptilol said immediately.
"We can outrun him," Eudial said plainly, then pushed on the gas even harder.
"Wouldn't it be better for us to stop?" Tellu said shakily.
"Listen Miss Goody-Twoshoes, do you really want a ticket right now?"
Tellu paused, a worried look on her face, then smiled.
"Eudial, there's a snail on the back of your seat."
"WHAT?!" The breaks skreeched and the car pulled over. "GET IT OUT OF MY CAR!"
The cop pulled up behind us, and turned off his siren. Eudial glared at the rest of us in the car.
"I'll get you all for this," she growled, then turned to the approching officer. "What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"Ma'am, do you know you were going well over 100 miles-per-hour? I'm surprised this little car could hold up," he said, laughing. He slapped one hand on the back bumper, and it fell off with a clank.
"Well, it's been reinforced," Eudial smiled sweetly.
"She's going to have a time weaseling herself out of this one," Mimete snickered to the rest of us. Eudial glanced at us with a look of help, and we all took out our nail files.
"You see, the car's speedometer isn't measured in the Metric *or* the English system of measurement," Eudial tried to explain.
"Then what's it measured in?"
"Fahrenheit!" Viluy chimed.
"Don't mind her, she's a three year old trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old," Eudial said. The officer stared at her for a moment, then frowned.
"Ma'am, could you please step out of the vehicle?"
"Why of course," Eudial said, narrowing her eyes and making her voice as syrupy sweet as she could. I must admit, she was good at putting on the charm sometimes. Plus, she was wearing a super short black skirt and a quite revieling red spagetti-strap, and we had a male officer. What more could you ask for?
"Say the alphabet," the officer opened up his ticket book.
"Why?" Eudial asked as sweetly as possible.
"DWI testing."
"WHAT?!" Our entire car broke into laughter.
"Well, you were swerving," the officer shrugged. "Go ahead."
"What if I refuse?"
"Then we'll have to look for a red and black prison uniform for you, cutie," he winked.
"Isn't that against the law?" Ptilol whispered. Eudial spat out the alphabet in Japanese, English, and Spanish faster than I've ever seen anyone do it before.
"..E-gree-ay-gah, ho-tah!" she finished. "Am I done now?"
"Talented little thing," the officer yawned. "You do know you'll be subject to a fine. Speeding, disrespecting an officer ..."
"But I haven't disrespected you!" Eudial cooed. "I only want to be a peaceful citizen of Tokyo, always helping and willing and ..."
"Yeah, yeah. Walk in a straight line."
"Haven't you done enough DWI testing yet?" she narrowed her eyes.
"Walk in a straight line."
So Eudial walked back and forth in a straight line several times while the rest of us sat in the car giggling like maniacs.
"Now am I done?" she asked, exhasperated.
"Almost, sweetheart. I need to see your liscence and registration."
I leaned over to look at Viluy, who was sitting in the front seat.
"What are you doing?"
"Making confetti."
"Out of what?"
"Eudial's liscence and registration," she said, holding up a pair of scissors and shreading them through the paper. I shuddered, thinking of what Eudial was going to do to her when we got home .. IF we got home ...
"Viluy, hand me those," Eudial said. Viluy grinned and tossed the shreaded paper like confetti. The next few events were quite interesting, actually ... Eudial's face grew the exact same shade of her hair, and there were literally flames in her eyes. She was about to lunge at the cyan witch until Mimete coughed loudly and pointed at the officer.
"Listen, lady, I haven't got all day. Give me the liscence and registration or I'll put you in jail."
Tellu caught Eudial's eye and mouthed the words 'I told you so'. Eudial frowned, the flames returning to her eyes, then took a deep breath.
"Oh, officer!" she said, turning towards him, her eyes quivering. "You have no idea what my life is like! I have to spend my days looking after these poor children in the car with me, and they're just terrible little things!"
"They don't look like children to me," the officer said, a skeptical look on his face.
"They're actually test subjects ... remember when I said Viluy was a three year old trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old? That's exactly what they are," she suddenly turned away, putting her face in her hands and sobbing. The rest of us looked at each other, raising an eyebrow - who knew Eudial was such a good actress?
"Now calm down, miss ... are they your children?"
"Of course! I feel so bad for sending them in to be test subjects, but we needed the money ... we've been quite lucky, though. We've moved out of our cardboard box and into an old car, so I guess we're doing all right," she sniffed.
"You poor thing," the officer shook his head.
"And see what they do?" Eudial pointed to the 'confetti'. "I have to spend all day trying to keep them in line ... everyone once in a while, the nice man from the corner grocery will bring us a loaf of bread or an onion ..."
"Are they really that awful?"
"Of course," Eudial said, her eyes narrowing. "They're simply little ... witches!"
"Well," the officer smiled. "If you keep this our little secret, I'll let you off this time."
"Would you really?" Eudial said, her tear-filled eyes looking at him hopefully.
"Sure. Just drive safe."
So ten minutes later, we were back on the road again.
"You're good at getting yourself out of tough situations" Ptilol said.
"Are we really trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old?" Mimete asked.
"No."
"Oh," Mimete sighed, then began to sing. "Bye bye bye ..."
Later that night, we could all hear high-pitched screaming and smell smoke. Mimete looked very charred the next day.
~*~*~*~*~
Feedback? Ya know ya wanna ~_^ odile@danceart.net
"But shouldn't driving faster on a freeway make you more nervous?" Tellu asked once. Eudial slammed on the breaks and blocked traffic for miles while she screamed every curse word she knew in every language this side of the Pacific. We really felt sorry for Tellu, poor thing.
But this afternoon she was driving even faster than usual. We tried to pass the time by attempting to distract her with games.
"Okay," Mimete said. "I spy something that is ... square shaped, autographed, and covered with cuties! Oohohohoh, bet you can't guess that!"
"Your poster?" Eudial said dryly.
"Yeah!"
"I spy a stupid, ditzy, worthless little brat."
Mimete frowned and went into her pout stage, and refused to speak to anyone for the next ten minutes. Eudial sped up.
"Maybe we could sing a song?" I suggested.
"Cyprine, if you start singing any stupid song, I will take you into the backyard at night and wring your neck with my own two hands, then barbeque the remains."
So much for a song. We tried dry dicussion.
"I bought an interesting new plant yesterday," Tellu said.
"What was it, poisen ivy?"
Tellu slumped over, then turned to Viluy.
"Eudial, if you don't slow down right now, I'll self-destruct," Viluy said automatically.
"Please, take the others with you!"
Finally, with no other hope, we all look to Ptilol.
"Hey Eudial, you know if you speed like this, you'll get a ticket."
"Does it look like I care?"
"Well, you already spent so much money on Mimete's poster ..."
"Shut up, Ptilol."
"You can't make me shut up!"
"Cyprine, get your twin to shut up."
"Ptilol," I sighed. "No use arguing with a stone."
We sat there for another ten minutes in complete silence, wondering if we'd ever get back to the mansion alive. Suddenly, Viluy whipped around to look behind us.
"Hey, there's a cop on our tail!" Viluy groaned.
"Told you!" Ptilol said immediately.
"We can outrun him," Eudial said plainly, then pushed on the gas even harder.
"Wouldn't it be better for us to stop?" Tellu said shakily.
"Listen Miss Goody-Twoshoes, do you really want a ticket right now?"
Tellu paused, a worried look on her face, then smiled.
"Eudial, there's a snail on the back of your seat."
"WHAT?!" The breaks skreeched and the car pulled over. "GET IT OUT OF MY CAR!"
The cop pulled up behind us, and turned off his siren. Eudial glared at the rest of us in the car.
"I'll get you all for this," she growled, then turned to the approching officer. "What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"Ma'am, do you know you were going well over 100 miles-per-hour? I'm surprised this little car could hold up," he said, laughing. He slapped one hand on the back bumper, and it fell off with a clank.
"Well, it's been reinforced," Eudial smiled sweetly.
"She's going to have a time weaseling herself out of this one," Mimete snickered to the rest of us. Eudial glanced at us with a look of help, and we all took out our nail files.
"You see, the car's speedometer isn't measured in the Metric *or* the English system of measurement," Eudial tried to explain.
"Then what's it measured in?"
"Fahrenheit!" Viluy chimed.
"Don't mind her, she's a three year old trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old," Eudial said. The officer stared at her for a moment, then frowned.
"Ma'am, could you please step out of the vehicle?"
"Why of course," Eudial said, narrowing her eyes and making her voice as syrupy sweet as she could. I must admit, she was good at putting on the charm sometimes. Plus, she was wearing a super short black skirt and a quite revieling red spagetti-strap, and we had a male officer. What more could you ask for?
"Say the alphabet," the officer opened up his ticket book.
"Why?" Eudial asked as sweetly as possible.
"DWI testing."
"WHAT?!" Our entire car broke into laughter.
"Well, you were swerving," the officer shrugged. "Go ahead."
"What if I refuse?"
"Then we'll have to look for a red and black prison uniform for you, cutie," he winked.
"Isn't that against the law?" Ptilol whispered. Eudial spat out the alphabet in Japanese, English, and Spanish faster than I've ever seen anyone do it before.
"..E-gree-ay-gah, ho-tah!" she finished. "Am I done now?"
"Talented little thing," the officer yawned. "You do know you'll be subject to a fine. Speeding, disrespecting an officer ..."
"But I haven't disrespected you!" Eudial cooed. "I only want to be a peaceful citizen of Tokyo, always helping and willing and ..."
"Yeah, yeah. Walk in a straight line."
"Haven't you done enough DWI testing yet?" she narrowed her eyes.
"Walk in a straight line."
So Eudial walked back and forth in a straight line several times while the rest of us sat in the car giggling like maniacs.
"Now am I done?" she asked, exhasperated.
"Almost, sweetheart. I need to see your liscence and registration."
I leaned over to look at Viluy, who was sitting in the front seat.
"What are you doing?"
"Making confetti."
"Out of what?"
"Eudial's liscence and registration," she said, holding up a pair of scissors and shreading them through the paper. I shuddered, thinking of what Eudial was going to do to her when we got home .. IF we got home ...
"Viluy, hand me those," Eudial said. Viluy grinned and tossed the shreaded paper like confetti. The next few events were quite interesting, actually ... Eudial's face grew the exact same shade of her hair, and there were literally flames in her eyes. She was about to lunge at the cyan witch until Mimete coughed loudly and pointed at the officer.
"Listen, lady, I haven't got all day. Give me the liscence and registration or I'll put you in jail."
Tellu caught Eudial's eye and mouthed the words 'I told you so'. Eudial frowned, the flames returning to her eyes, then took a deep breath.
"Oh, officer!" she said, turning towards him, her eyes quivering. "You have no idea what my life is like! I have to spend my days looking after these poor children in the car with me, and they're just terrible little things!"
"They don't look like children to me," the officer said, a skeptical look on his face.
"They're actually test subjects ... remember when I said Viluy was a three year old trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old? That's exactly what they are," she suddenly turned away, putting her face in her hands and sobbing. The rest of us looked at each other, raising an eyebrow - who knew Eudial was such a good actress?
"Now calm down, miss ... are they your children?"
"Of course! I feel so bad for sending them in to be test subjects, but we needed the money ... we've been quite lucky, though. We've moved out of our cardboard box and into an old car, so I guess we're doing all right," she sniffed.
"You poor thing," the officer shook his head.
"And see what they do?" Eudial pointed to the 'confetti'. "I have to spend all day trying to keep them in line ... everyone once in a while, the nice man from the corner grocery will bring us a loaf of bread or an onion ..."
"Are they really that awful?"
"Of course," Eudial said, her eyes narrowing. "They're simply little ... witches!"
"Well," the officer smiled. "If you keep this our little secret, I'll let you off this time."
"Would you really?" Eudial said, her tear-filled eyes looking at him hopefully.
"Sure. Just drive safe."
So ten minutes later, we were back on the road again.
"You're good at getting yourself out of tough situations" Ptilol said.
"Are we really trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old?" Mimete asked.
"No."
"Oh," Mimete sighed, then began to sing. "Bye bye bye ..."
Later that night, we could all hear high-pitched screaming and smell smoke. Mimete looked very charred the next day.
~*~*~*~*~
Feedback? Ya know ya wanna ~_^ odile@danceart.net