~THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY~
By Venus163
A/N: Another tearjerker from me (or rather, an attempt at a tearjerker anyway). This one is like "Angel", my first: no particular couple, just a regular, straight couple. It could be anyone.
I tried, I really did. Maybe I just stink at this type of writing but oh well. Read anyway.
This fic is based on M2M's "The Day You Went Away". Maybe it wasn't meant to be this sad, but that's the way I took it.
I own nothing but the plot and I don't even have enough money to even say that I owned Digimon.
Ah, well, nobody's perfect. Enjoy. Read. Review, if at all possible. (And if this depresses you, go and check out my 'Hot Chocolate and a Bunch of Marshmallows' for some cheering up)
~THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY~
Rain was pattering lightly on her umbrella as she walked slowly through the park, her hands trembling only slightly as memories assaulted her full force.
She brushed the hair out of her face, revealing sparkling, yet sad eyes. Her face was devoid of makeup, but she wouldn't have needed it anyway. Any passerby in the dark, rainy night would have immediately thought her beautiful.
If she had been watching for the last few years, she would have been able to see all the looks of longing and admiration directed at her, of all the friends she had made so easily...
But that would have been only if she had been watching.
And she certainly hadn't been watching.
Instead, she wiped away a tear that had escaped from the confines of her eyes, everything around her bringing back bittersweet memories.
She had been such a fool, such a naive little girl.
The wind blew a gust of chilly air around her, and she shivered, pulling her coat around her more tightly. Even the unrelenting harrassment of the wind brought back memories...
[Flashback]
"Are you cold? Here... this should keep you warm..."
[End Flashback]
Her eyes snapped wide open, not knowing that she had closed them. Her breath caused little puffs of air to become visible for a fleeting moment before disappearing again into the cold night air, being replaced as quickly as they disappeared as she tried desperately to breathe with rapid breaths.
As the wind blew some of her hair back into her face, she remembered clearly the jacket being draped around her shoulders, a warm arm around her shoulders and an equally warm smile directed at her.
She shook her head vigorously, trying to banish the memory. She had recovered nicely from the experience. There was no need for her to...
No. She knew that she was lying to herself. She had run away those years ago, run away to escape the reality, of the pain of unrequited love. She had tried so hard to forget, so hard to move on with her life...
But she couldn't. He was a part of her; she was only half a person, her other half being him. That was one of the reasons that she had been drawn back here, to the place that she had vowed to never return to. But she could never be complete. He didn't love her; he never had and he never would. She hadn't heard from him at all during the years that provided a slightly relieving interlude between tangled emotions and confusing thoughts as his deep, mysterious eyes gazed straight into her soul...
She had been attracted to him from the start. His courage where those he loved were concerned, his ability to make lasting friendships, his kindness to others, his knowledge of his friends, his reliability to everyone he cared about, his infectious hopefulness had all drawn her to him, inevitable like a moth attracted to light.
Also, like a moth attracted to light, her happiness and life had been taken away.
She stepped right into a huge puddle, but as she was already wet anyway, she didn't care. Even if she hadn't been soaked to the skin already, she wouldn't have cared. What good was living if she was only a half, only one piece? What good was it to pretend to be enjoying life, when there was a huge, empty void inside of her, hurting her more with every moment she breathed and every moment her heart kept beating?
What was worth living for... if *he* didn't love her?
She stopped, still in the puddle, as she pulled her coat closer to her body once again, a rebellious tear escaping the prison of tightly closed eyes that refused to show weakness. What *was* worth living for? She was only a shell; she went through the motions of living but not once had she truly *lived* in years.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
He kicked a pebble around, his mind intent on only one thought... the thought of her...
What a fool he had been, to think that the other woman had been the one for him. How foolish he had been to believe that he loved her.
How stupid it had been for him to let *her* go.
He made sure that none of his friends were following him before making his way into the park. He knew that they had a tendency to tail him, to try to make sure that he wouldn't do anything rash. He knew they worried about him, had worried since those few years ago that she had left him... to this day he could remember the day, the exact time down to the minute...
He paused, his eyes staring at everything and at nothing. He could still remember the hurtful words that he had told her the day she had left, the words that shone a brutal light on his heart and had made him read what was written there...
He had loved her deeply. He had always loved her, from the moment that they had met those years ago. Her inner light, her sincerity, her great capacity to love had attracted him from the start.
He grasped eagerly to an all but forgotten memory that surfaced in his mind, bittersweet happiness washing over him...
[Flashback]
"You mean you got these for me? Thank you... it was very sweet of you. I thought you'd forgotten..."
[End Flashback]
He laughed bitterly, walking again, ignoring the rain that was falling. It wasn't the first time that he had walked in the rain like this. He had done this so often it was almost a part of his schedule. Rainy days: Walk in the park.
He fell silent as he tasted the memory again after so many years. It hadn't been many years since the start of their friendship, and she had been sorrowful that nobody had remembered her birthday. Of course, she had been surprised with a surprise party later. He remembered cleary that he had taken her aside and given her his gift... he couldn't remember what it was anymore, but he could recall, clear as day, the happy expression that had been on her face.
He had been blind to his heart. He had followed his mind instead, so he had always treated her like a friend or a sister. He hadn't understood then why her smile had always raised his spirits, why her touch had sent shivers down his spine...
He had been such a fool.
He had loved her all along.
One never truly knew what they had until it was gone.
And she was definitely gone.
[Flashback]
"Hey! Just because I'm a romantic and you're not doesn't mean you can ruin it for me! I happen to like mushy love scenes... and besides, I think you *are* a romantic at heart. Don't give me that look... you are, aren't you?..."
[End Flashback]
He smiled gently as he remembered the heated argument that had followed. He had to admit it now: she had been right. He had been a romantic at heart, all right. Especially where she had been concerned.
He had drifted away from everyone after she had disappeared. He had isolated himself, and tortured himself with memories, thoughts, and what-ifs until his friends were all ready to kill him. But inside, he couldn't hurt himself enough. Her expression after those hateful words were enough to want a thousand years' worth of torture on him. How badly had he wished that he could take them back?
His heart beat wearily in his chest, crying out for her. He would have given anything and everything he had to just see her one more time, to apologize, to know that she was happy.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and began to think about the dreams. Oh, the dreams. They had started the night of the fight. They were all different but had the same ending: in the end, she died. He sometimes stood helpless, he sometimes wasn't strong enough to protect her, but every time, she died.
The dreams were utter torture, and he welcomed them. He deserved it, hurting her so much, and after he had promised her...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
The wind swept its icy fingers through her hair, and she couldn't help but shudder as she remembered another set of fingers that had run through her hair...
[Flashback]
"Your hair is so soft, did you know that? It almost feels like- don't laugh, I know it's really sappy- but it almost feels like sunlight... I told you it was sappy; wipe that smirk off your face!..."
[End Flashback]
She couldn't stop the sob that tore itself from where many others like it had been held back relentlessly in her throat.
That memory was of him before she had realized she loved him. It was of a time when she had been innocent of the ravaging passions of love, of the sweet madness that he had put her through unknowingly, of a time when she had pretended to be his friend.
But not anymore. Now she stood in the wreckage of her heart, trying to shield it unsuccessfully from any more blows fate might decide to give her. She cowered in the face of love. She cowered from the inevitable pain it would bring. She cowered in fear... of being hurt...
[Flashback]
"Don't worry... I'll protect you. I won't let anything hurt you... you know that I wouldn't..."
[End Flashback]
She tried to swallow as another wall crumbled and another defense disappeared forever. Each memory had destroyed a part of her. Slowly, it was destroying *her*.
He had promised. He had promised that he would make sure that she would never get hurt.
Ironically, in the end, *he* had been the one to hurt her.
She walked blindly and sat on a bench, not caring of the water that soaked through her thin coat. A dark shadow seemed to hang over her. She had used to be so cheerful and optimistic all those years ago, when they had first met. And now...
Now, she was a shell. She had told herself before, but she would do so again. She was a shell; there was nothing inside of her left... nothing but pain.
Something clicked. A floodgate opened, or a dam broke, but whatever happened, suddenly a flood of emotions and memories flowed into her mind, refusing to be shushed up and hidden any longer.
Their last meeting... it had ended with a fight...
[Flashback]
"I don't understand you! I would have thought that you of all people would be happy for me! Why are you so childish and immature? Why can't you understand that we've all grown up and moved on? Why can't *you* move on? You can't cling to the past!!..."
[End Flashback]
Rage, terror, grief, despair all ran through her mind along with hundreds of other emotions and even more memories. She wondered idly and briefly how long this could last before it killed her. Sometimes, and especially in this moment, she wanted to die. Maybe then, he could live happily.
The umbrella slipped from her fingers and clattered to the ground.
She sat there for what seemed like eternity, but what really was only about a minute. Her eyes blankly stared at the ground.
Absently she brushed the hair out of her face and gave a silent sigh. She knew with a sinking feeling in her stomach that she couldn't possibly last much longer. She had never been particularily strong to begin with, and emotional and physical stress was killing her; she knew she was slowly dying.
Through the hazy fog the almost unbearable pain had woven through her mind, a voice was calling her name, a hand on her shoulder. Immediately what was left of her heart began to sing weakly but surely, telling her that she knew that voice and that soft, warm hand, that she would know it anywhere...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
He thought deeply of the dream that he had just had yesterday night, the worst of them all...
[Dream Sequence]
"Help me! Help me, please! No, NO! PLEASE!!"
[End Dream Sequence]
She had screamed after that, disappearing through a dark hole, her fingers reaching out for him. God knew how much, how hard he had tried to reach her, but he had been frozen. His legs were of stone; he couldn't move.
She had disappeared, had gone, screaming, touching him to the very marrow in his bones.
He had woken up, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding, unfamiliar tears streaming down his face.
It had been years, almost forever it seemed to him, when he had last cried. No matter how much it hurt, he tried to show courage and pretend to be indifferent, that it didn't hurt.
The dream had shattered that illusion.
His whole body had felt like it was being torn to pieces, slowly and painfully. He unconsciously put a hand on his chest, knowing only too well that the pain the dream had stimulated had been nothing compared to the pain in his heart.
Everyday it hurt. Everyday he hoped that he would find her again, no matter how improbable it seemed.
[Flashback]
"I... I... never mind. It's not as if you would care about my feelings anyway. It's *only* little old me, little childish old me! I'm not important enough to be listened to, I'm not mature enough for your concern!..."
[End Flashback]
He grabbed his head, and despite the pouring rain, knelt down in a puddle right in the middle of the path, moaning softly. Those words had hurt him more than he would ever have guessed. Those words had cut into his heart, into his very soul.
He had gone home, steaming over the fact that she had actually had the audacity to yell at him. He had fallen asleep, and had been visited by one of his first nightmares of her death. That had shaken him pretty badly.
It had shaken him so badly that he had immediately called her apartment the next day, only to hear the operator telling him that the line had been disconnected. He had gone to her apartment, banging on the door, demanding to be let in, only to be greeted with silence. Seething, he had returned home and called a mutual friend, and had been shocked to hear that she had gone away; nobody knew where.
And here he was now, regretting all the harsh words, all the impulsive acts, all the words that had slipped out of his mouth and had ever hurt her.
Oh, how he had loved her. He still did. She could be loving someone else at this very moment for all he knew, but right now all he knew was that his heart belonged to her and without her, he would die.
All ready, he was as good as dead.
He wrenched himself to his feet and walked blindly on. His mind was focused on all the memories of her, buried under random thoughts and other memories, but which immediately sprang to his mind. Her smile, her touch, her butterfly kisses, her soft lips, everything and anything about her he clung to, trying to fill an empty space inside of him with everything but her.
He was trying to fill the space with memories; it was as good as filling in a hole in the ground with air and expect to be able to walk on it.
He looked up, a sudden pricking at the back of his neck. That presence... it felt so familiar...
His eyes fell on a slouched figure on a bench, shoulders drooping and long hair covering the face. His eyes widened as he realized numbly who she was.
It was her... it was her...
She brushed the hair out of her face and looked around her.
He gazed at her, drinking in her image. She was very, very thin, but still just as beautiful, if not more. Her eyes were red but he swore they were the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. He noticed how weak she was and how she trembled, but the joy he felt stomped down the feeling of impending dread and danger and instead, he ran to her, and hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't respond he cleared his throat and tried to say her name without bursting into tears...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
She looked up to see *his* familiar face gazing down at her.
"You came back," he whispered, his voice hoarse and rough. A loud buzzing was in the back of her mind and in her ears, but she only had attention for *him*, no matter how much she knew that it would hurt. There were lines around his eyes and mouth that hadn't been there before, and his face was pale and gaunt, but it was him.
Suddenly the void inside of her was shoving all the emotions and memories back, expanding, and she burst into tears. She cried, she wept, she sobbed. All those tears were for all those memories. Her body was shaking, but she didn't care... it was killing her...
Suddenly warm arms were around her, and she stopped her tears just enough to look into his eyes, seeing something that had never been there before, before her body was wracked with coughs, and she couldn't seem to stop shivering.
Immediately a jacket was placed around her shoulders; immediately a worried and pained face looked down at her.
She managed to stop the coughing for a little bit, looking up at him. "I... I tried to grow up," she said haggardly. "I tried so hard..." Another fit of coughs stopped her from saying more.
He said her name sorrowfully. "I'm so sorry... I never meant for you to take my words so seriously... I didn't mean them..."
She didn't have the strength to do anything but gaze up at him through the rain and whisper, "Don't apologize... *I'm* sorry..."
He burst into a string of curse words before turning and looking down at her, holding her tightly in his arms. "Don't you understand? I love you, I've always loved you! I never loved her; it took your leaving me to realize that! I've been living through hell for the past few years; everywhere I turn you're there! Damn it, don't you understand?"
She gazed at him wonderously, unable to keep her reply back. "I love you too..."
His eyes widened as he looked at her. "You do?"
Suddenly she couldn't keep anything back from him. "I loved you for years, but you never noticed me... I hoped and hoped that you loved me... but you were always with *her*, and I couldn't take it anymore after you told me how stupid and childish I was... I just wanted to get away... I just... I just..."
He held her tightly. "Please forgive me... I've been a fool. I love you. I love you."
A soft smile appeared on her lips, as the void slowly shrank into nothing but a mere memory. Her heart began to slow and weaken as the years of pain, of the years of despair finally took their toll.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
He held her tightly, refusing to give her up, and leaned down to kiss her, and kiss her he did, deeply. All the emotions and passions he had held back were pouring into that one kiss.
He pulled away slowly, and watched with extreme gratitude and thankfulness to the powers above for being able to see the soft smile on her lips and the deep love in her eyes. "I forgave you a long time ago," she whispered.
He leaned down, holding her closer, wanting to just pour out his soul to her, but stopped when he couldn't feel any movement from her. He desperately touched her cheek, desperately tried to find her pulse when he knew, deep inside, that he never would find it...
A lone tear trailed down his cheek as he caressed her face lovingly. "I love you," he repeated. "I love you..."
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Many years later...
He stood in front of her grave, a bouquet of a dozen blood red roses in his hand. Every year, no matter where he was, he would return here to give her the flowers with his love that he hadn't been able to give to her in life.
He knelt down on his old knees, staring sadly yet lovingly at the worn headstone with his old, tired eyes. He remembered, so many years ago, that he would have killed himself if he hadn't remembered how much she had believed in him; if he had never had a certain dream of her that let him know what she wanted him to do.
Thus, here he was, after having pushed through years and years of life, heart worn and bruised, but refusing to give up for her sake. He had done many great things, but this was no time to think of that.
He had never married. He had never even seen anyone since that day.
He ran his fingers over her name engraved on the headstone, and sighed softly. He said her name in a worn, shaking voice. "Can I come now, love?" he asked, a question he asked yearly on his visit, hoping for the answer he wanted.
The soft breeze blew past him, caressing his tired body. He closed his eyes, knowing that he had his answer.
He, of course, wasn't thinking about the scream that would escape from one of his old friend's lips as she discovered his body lying by the grave about an hour later. He wasn't thinking of the near devastating effect it would have on all his old friends, nor the heartfelt mourning the world would hold for him and the many tears that would be shed for him, for everything he had done for the world...
Instead, his mind was fixed on her face, as clear now as it was more than sixty years ago...
*The Day You Went Away*
VERSE 1
Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time
PRE-CHORUS 1
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
CHORUS
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
VERSE 2
I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
PRE-CHORUS 2
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
CHORUS
The day you went away
The day you went away
PRE-CHORUS 1
CHORUS
BRIDGE
Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away
"The Day You Went Away"- M2M
~END~
A/N: So, did you enjoy? Did you think it was good? I hope so. I do need some cheering up.
Now, off I go to write a marshmallow. My marshmallows are supposed to be cheerful stories, and besides, I just had a whole bunch of chocolate to lift up my mood.
Review, please!
-Venus163
By Venus163
A/N: Another tearjerker from me (or rather, an attempt at a tearjerker anyway). This one is like "Angel", my first: no particular couple, just a regular, straight couple. It could be anyone.
I tried, I really did. Maybe I just stink at this type of writing but oh well. Read anyway.
This fic is based on M2M's "The Day You Went Away". Maybe it wasn't meant to be this sad, but that's the way I took it.
I own nothing but the plot and I don't even have enough money to even say that I owned Digimon.
Ah, well, nobody's perfect. Enjoy. Read. Review, if at all possible. (And if this depresses you, go and check out my 'Hot Chocolate and a Bunch of Marshmallows' for some cheering up)
~THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY~
Rain was pattering lightly on her umbrella as she walked slowly through the park, her hands trembling only slightly as memories assaulted her full force.
She brushed the hair out of her face, revealing sparkling, yet sad eyes. Her face was devoid of makeup, but she wouldn't have needed it anyway. Any passerby in the dark, rainy night would have immediately thought her beautiful.
If she had been watching for the last few years, she would have been able to see all the looks of longing and admiration directed at her, of all the friends she had made so easily...
But that would have been only if she had been watching.
And she certainly hadn't been watching.
Instead, she wiped away a tear that had escaped from the confines of her eyes, everything around her bringing back bittersweet memories.
She had been such a fool, such a naive little girl.
The wind blew a gust of chilly air around her, and she shivered, pulling her coat around her more tightly. Even the unrelenting harrassment of the wind brought back memories...
[Flashback]
"Are you cold? Here... this should keep you warm..."
[End Flashback]
Her eyes snapped wide open, not knowing that she had closed them. Her breath caused little puffs of air to become visible for a fleeting moment before disappearing again into the cold night air, being replaced as quickly as they disappeared as she tried desperately to breathe with rapid breaths.
As the wind blew some of her hair back into her face, she remembered clearly the jacket being draped around her shoulders, a warm arm around her shoulders and an equally warm smile directed at her.
She shook her head vigorously, trying to banish the memory. She had recovered nicely from the experience. There was no need for her to...
No. She knew that she was lying to herself. She had run away those years ago, run away to escape the reality, of the pain of unrequited love. She had tried so hard to forget, so hard to move on with her life...
But she couldn't. He was a part of her; she was only half a person, her other half being him. That was one of the reasons that she had been drawn back here, to the place that she had vowed to never return to. But she could never be complete. He didn't love her; he never had and he never would. She hadn't heard from him at all during the years that provided a slightly relieving interlude between tangled emotions and confusing thoughts as his deep, mysterious eyes gazed straight into her soul...
She had been attracted to him from the start. His courage where those he loved were concerned, his ability to make lasting friendships, his kindness to others, his knowledge of his friends, his reliability to everyone he cared about, his infectious hopefulness had all drawn her to him, inevitable like a moth attracted to light.
Also, like a moth attracted to light, her happiness and life had been taken away.
She stepped right into a huge puddle, but as she was already wet anyway, she didn't care. Even if she hadn't been soaked to the skin already, she wouldn't have cared. What good was living if she was only a half, only one piece? What good was it to pretend to be enjoying life, when there was a huge, empty void inside of her, hurting her more with every moment she breathed and every moment her heart kept beating?
What was worth living for... if *he* didn't love her?
She stopped, still in the puddle, as she pulled her coat closer to her body once again, a rebellious tear escaping the prison of tightly closed eyes that refused to show weakness. What *was* worth living for? She was only a shell; she went through the motions of living but not once had she truly *lived* in years.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
He kicked a pebble around, his mind intent on only one thought... the thought of her...
What a fool he had been, to think that the other woman had been the one for him. How foolish he had been to believe that he loved her.
How stupid it had been for him to let *her* go.
He made sure that none of his friends were following him before making his way into the park. He knew that they had a tendency to tail him, to try to make sure that he wouldn't do anything rash. He knew they worried about him, had worried since those few years ago that she had left him... to this day he could remember the day, the exact time down to the minute...
He paused, his eyes staring at everything and at nothing. He could still remember the hurtful words that he had told her the day she had left, the words that shone a brutal light on his heart and had made him read what was written there...
He had loved her deeply. He had always loved her, from the moment that they had met those years ago. Her inner light, her sincerity, her great capacity to love had attracted him from the start.
He grasped eagerly to an all but forgotten memory that surfaced in his mind, bittersweet happiness washing over him...
[Flashback]
"You mean you got these for me? Thank you... it was very sweet of you. I thought you'd forgotten..."
[End Flashback]
He laughed bitterly, walking again, ignoring the rain that was falling. It wasn't the first time that he had walked in the rain like this. He had done this so often it was almost a part of his schedule. Rainy days: Walk in the park.
He fell silent as he tasted the memory again after so many years. It hadn't been many years since the start of their friendship, and she had been sorrowful that nobody had remembered her birthday. Of course, she had been surprised with a surprise party later. He remembered cleary that he had taken her aside and given her his gift... he couldn't remember what it was anymore, but he could recall, clear as day, the happy expression that had been on her face.
He had been blind to his heart. He had followed his mind instead, so he had always treated her like a friend or a sister. He hadn't understood then why her smile had always raised his spirits, why her touch had sent shivers down his spine...
He had been such a fool.
He had loved her all along.
One never truly knew what they had until it was gone.
And she was definitely gone.
[Flashback]
"Hey! Just because I'm a romantic and you're not doesn't mean you can ruin it for me! I happen to like mushy love scenes... and besides, I think you *are* a romantic at heart. Don't give me that look... you are, aren't you?..."
[End Flashback]
He smiled gently as he remembered the heated argument that had followed. He had to admit it now: she had been right. He had been a romantic at heart, all right. Especially where she had been concerned.
He had drifted away from everyone after she had disappeared. He had isolated himself, and tortured himself with memories, thoughts, and what-ifs until his friends were all ready to kill him. But inside, he couldn't hurt himself enough. Her expression after those hateful words were enough to want a thousand years' worth of torture on him. How badly had he wished that he could take them back?
His heart beat wearily in his chest, crying out for her. He would have given anything and everything he had to just see her one more time, to apologize, to know that she was happy.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and began to think about the dreams. Oh, the dreams. They had started the night of the fight. They were all different but had the same ending: in the end, she died. He sometimes stood helpless, he sometimes wasn't strong enough to protect her, but every time, she died.
The dreams were utter torture, and he welcomed them. He deserved it, hurting her so much, and after he had promised her...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
The wind swept its icy fingers through her hair, and she couldn't help but shudder as she remembered another set of fingers that had run through her hair...
[Flashback]
"Your hair is so soft, did you know that? It almost feels like- don't laugh, I know it's really sappy- but it almost feels like sunlight... I told you it was sappy; wipe that smirk off your face!..."
[End Flashback]
She couldn't stop the sob that tore itself from where many others like it had been held back relentlessly in her throat.
That memory was of him before she had realized she loved him. It was of a time when she had been innocent of the ravaging passions of love, of the sweet madness that he had put her through unknowingly, of a time when she had pretended to be his friend.
But not anymore. Now she stood in the wreckage of her heart, trying to shield it unsuccessfully from any more blows fate might decide to give her. She cowered in the face of love. She cowered from the inevitable pain it would bring. She cowered in fear... of being hurt...
[Flashback]
"Don't worry... I'll protect you. I won't let anything hurt you... you know that I wouldn't..."
[End Flashback]
She tried to swallow as another wall crumbled and another defense disappeared forever. Each memory had destroyed a part of her. Slowly, it was destroying *her*.
He had promised. He had promised that he would make sure that she would never get hurt.
Ironically, in the end, *he* had been the one to hurt her.
She walked blindly and sat on a bench, not caring of the water that soaked through her thin coat. A dark shadow seemed to hang over her. She had used to be so cheerful and optimistic all those years ago, when they had first met. And now...
Now, she was a shell. She had told herself before, but she would do so again. She was a shell; there was nothing inside of her left... nothing but pain.
Something clicked. A floodgate opened, or a dam broke, but whatever happened, suddenly a flood of emotions and memories flowed into her mind, refusing to be shushed up and hidden any longer.
Their last meeting... it had ended with a fight...
[Flashback]
"I don't understand you! I would have thought that you of all people would be happy for me! Why are you so childish and immature? Why can't you understand that we've all grown up and moved on? Why can't *you* move on? You can't cling to the past!!..."
[End Flashback]
Rage, terror, grief, despair all ran through her mind along with hundreds of other emotions and even more memories. She wondered idly and briefly how long this could last before it killed her. Sometimes, and especially in this moment, she wanted to die. Maybe then, he could live happily.
The umbrella slipped from her fingers and clattered to the ground.
She sat there for what seemed like eternity, but what really was only about a minute. Her eyes blankly stared at the ground.
Absently she brushed the hair out of her face and gave a silent sigh. She knew with a sinking feeling in her stomach that she couldn't possibly last much longer. She had never been particularily strong to begin with, and emotional and physical stress was killing her; she knew she was slowly dying.
Through the hazy fog the almost unbearable pain had woven through her mind, a voice was calling her name, a hand on her shoulder. Immediately what was left of her heart began to sing weakly but surely, telling her that she knew that voice and that soft, warm hand, that she would know it anywhere...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
He thought deeply of the dream that he had just had yesterday night, the worst of them all...
[Dream Sequence]
"Help me! Help me, please! No, NO! PLEASE!!"
[End Dream Sequence]
She had screamed after that, disappearing through a dark hole, her fingers reaching out for him. God knew how much, how hard he had tried to reach her, but he had been frozen. His legs were of stone; he couldn't move.
She had disappeared, had gone, screaming, touching him to the very marrow in his bones.
He had woken up, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding, unfamiliar tears streaming down his face.
It had been years, almost forever it seemed to him, when he had last cried. No matter how much it hurt, he tried to show courage and pretend to be indifferent, that it didn't hurt.
The dream had shattered that illusion.
His whole body had felt like it was being torn to pieces, slowly and painfully. He unconsciously put a hand on his chest, knowing only too well that the pain the dream had stimulated had been nothing compared to the pain in his heart.
Everyday it hurt. Everyday he hoped that he would find her again, no matter how improbable it seemed.
[Flashback]
"I... I... never mind. It's not as if you would care about my feelings anyway. It's *only* little old me, little childish old me! I'm not important enough to be listened to, I'm not mature enough for your concern!..."
[End Flashback]
He grabbed his head, and despite the pouring rain, knelt down in a puddle right in the middle of the path, moaning softly. Those words had hurt him more than he would ever have guessed. Those words had cut into his heart, into his very soul.
He had gone home, steaming over the fact that she had actually had the audacity to yell at him. He had fallen asleep, and had been visited by one of his first nightmares of her death. That had shaken him pretty badly.
It had shaken him so badly that he had immediately called her apartment the next day, only to hear the operator telling him that the line had been disconnected. He had gone to her apartment, banging on the door, demanding to be let in, only to be greeted with silence. Seething, he had returned home and called a mutual friend, and had been shocked to hear that she had gone away; nobody knew where.
And here he was now, regretting all the harsh words, all the impulsive acts, all the words that had slipped out of his mouth and had ever hurt her.
Oh, how he had loved her. He still did. She could be loving someone else at this very moment for all he knew, but right now all he knew was that his heart belonged to her and without her, he would die.
All ready, he was as good as dead.
He wrenched himself to his feet and walked blindly on. His mind was focused on all the memories of her, buried under random thoughts and other memories, but which immediately sprang to his mind. Her smile, her touch, her butterfly kisses, her soft lips, everything and anything about her he clung to, trying to fill an empty space inside of him with everything but her.
He was trying to fill the space with memories; it was as good as filling in a hole in the ground with air and expect to be able to walk on it.
He looked up, a sudden pricking at the back of his neck. That presence... it felt so familiar...
His eyes fell on a slouched figure on a bench, shoulders drooping and long hair covering the face. His eyes widened as he realized numbly who she was.
It was her... it was her...
She brushed the hair out of her face and looked around her.
He gazed at her, drinking in her image. She was very, very thin, but still just as beautiful, if not more. Her eyes were red but he swore they were the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. He noticed how weak she was and how she trembled, but the joy he felt stomped down the feeling of impending dread and danger and instead, he ran to her, and hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't respond he cleared his throat and tried to say her name without bursting into tears...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
She looked up to see *his* familiar face gazing down at her.
"You came back," he whispered, his voice hoarse and rough. A loud buzzing was in the back of her mind and in her ears, but she only had attention for *him*, no matter how much she knew that it would hurt. There were lines around his eyes and mouth that hadn't been there before, and his face was pale and gaunt, but it was him.
Suddenly the void inside of her was shoving all the emotions and memories back, expanding, and she burst into tears. She cried, she wept, she sobbed. All those tears were for all those memories. Her body was shaking, but she didn't care... it was killing her...
Suddenly warm arms were around her, and she stopped her tears just enough to look into his eyes, seeing something that had never been there before, before her body was wracked with coughs, and she couldn't seem to stop shivering.
Immediately a jacket was placed around her shoulders; immediately a worried and pained face looked down at her.
She managed to stop the coughing for a little bit, looking up at him. "I... I tried to grow up," she said haggardly. "I tried so hard..." Another fit of coughs stopped her from saying more.
He said her name sorrowfully. "I'm so sorry... I never meant for you to take my words so seriously... I didn't mean them..."
She didn't have the strength to do anything but gaze up at him through the rain and whisper, "Don't apologize... *I'm* sorry..."
He burst into a string of curse words before turning and looking down at her, holding her tightly in his arms. "Don't you understand? I love you, I've always loved you! I never loved her; it took your leaving me to realize that! I've been living through hell for the past few years; everywhere I turn you're there! Damn it, don't you understand?"
She gazed at him wonderously, unable to keep her reply back. "I love you too..."
His eyes widened as he looked at her. "You do?"
Suddenly she couldn't keep anything back from him. "I loved you for years, but you never noticed me... I hoped and hoped that you loved me... but you were always with *her*, and I couldn't take it anymore after you told me how stupid and childish I was... I just wanted to get away... I just... I just..."
He held her tightly. "Please forgive me... I've been a fool. I love you. I love you."
A soft smile appeared on her lips, as the void slowly shrank into nothing but a mere memory. Her heart began to slow and weaken as the years of pain, of the years of despair finally took their toll.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
He held her tightly, refusing to give her up, and leaned down to kiss her, and kiss her he did, deeply. All the emotions and passions he had held back were pouring into that one kiss.
He pulled away slowly, and watched with extreme gratitude and thankfulness to the powers above for being able to see the soft smile on her lips and the deep love in her eyes. "I forgave you a long time ago," she whispered.
He leaned down, holding her closer, wanting to just pour out his soul to her, but stopped when he couldn't feel any movement from her. He desperately touched her cheek, desperately tried to find her pulse when he knew, deep inside, that he never would find it...
A lone tear trailed down his cheek as he caressed her face lovingly. "I love you," he repeated. "I love you..."
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Many years later...
He stood in front of her grave, a bouquet of a dozen blood red roses in his hand. Every year, no matter where he was, he would return here to give her the flowers with his love that he hadn't been able to give to her in life.
He knelt down on his old knees, staring sadly yet lovingly at the worn headstone with his old, tired eyes. He remembered, so many years ago, that he would have killed himself if he hadn't remembered how much she had believed in him; if he had never had a certain dream of her that let him know what she wanted him to do.
Thus, here he was, after having pushed through years and years of life, heart worn and bruised, but refusing to give up for her sake. He had done many great things, but this was no time to think of that.
He had never married. He had never even seen anyone since that day.
He ran his fingers over her name engraved on the headstone, and sighed softly. He said her name in a worn, shaking voice. "Can I come now, love?" he asked, a question he asked yearly on his visit, hoping for the answer he wanted.
The soft breeze blew past him, caressing his tired body. He closed his eyes, knowing that he had his answer.
He, of course, wasn't thinking about the scream that would escape from one of his old friend's lips as she discovered his body lying by the grave about an hour later. He wasn't thinking of the near devastating effect it would have on all his old friends, nor the heartfelt mourning the world would hold for him and the many tears that would be shed for him, for everything he had done for the world...
Instead, his mind was fixed on her face, as clear now as it was more than sixty years ago...
*The Day You Went Away*
VERSE 1
Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time
PRE-CHORUS 1
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
CHORUS
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
VERSE 2
I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
PRE-CHORUS 2
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
CHORUS
The day you went away
The day you went away
PRE-CHORUS 1
CHORUS
BRIDGE
Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away
"The Day You Went Away"- M2M
~END~
A/N: So, did you enjoy? Did you think it was good? I hope so. I do need some cheering up.
Now, off I go to write a marshmallow. My marshmallows are supposed to be cheerful stories, and besides, I just had a whole bunch of chocolate to lift up my mood.
Review, please!
-Venus163