For several
months Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon lived together peacefully. Never once was there a
disagreement and Obi-Wan behaved perfectly. He knew, of course, that Qui-Gon
cared about him but he still didn't want to risk making his new Master mad.
There came a
day, however, when Obi-Wan's perfect life seemed to crumble around him and his
long-kept secret came out. It was the day he had been dreading since he first
accepted Master Jinn's offer of Padawanship, the day he had been avoiding, but
it was destined to come and he could do nothing to stop it…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Obi-Wan sat on
his sleep couch, in his room, contemplating what would happen when Qui-Gon got
back. The Jedi Master had gone to a meeting with Obi-Wan's Instructors to
discuss his Padawan's control, or in this case lack thereof. Obi-Wan had got
into a fight with Bruck, his worst enemy, and Instructor Anteles had decided that
she wasn't going to deal with it anymore. Instead she ordered them both back to
their quarters and called their Master's. Bruck didn't have a Master yet so she
would deal with his punishment but Obi-Wan did, and Anteles wasn't going to
deal with his misbehavior anymore.
He sat in the
room for an hour before he heard the door to his quarters being opened and felt
Qui-Gon enter the room. A few seconds later he heard his name being called and
the boy quietly went into the main living area. For the first time since he had
been with Qui-Gon he was scared again, scared just like he had been with Na'em.
"I had a
meeting with Instructor Anteles today." Qui-Gon said, unaware that Anteles had
told Obi-Wan about the meeting before hand.
"Yes sir, I know.
My Instructor informed me of it when I was sent out of class." Obi-Wan
whispered quietly.
"I see. Then
you know I am not pleased that you felt the need to fight with this boy."
Qui-Gon replied.
"I am sure you
are quite upset." His voice wobbled slightly.
"Would you
like to explain what happened?" Qui-Gon asked.
Obi-Wan looked
up in surprise, he still wasn't used to being allowed to explain his situation,
"We were arguing Master, and I'm not exactly sure how it happened. Except that
he was teasing me and I responded just as he wanted, out of anger. I let my
feelings control me and I shouldn't have. Please Master, I know I did wrong but
please don't beat me! I promise I will control myself from now on. I'm prepared
to take any punishment you deem fit, but Master please don't beat me." Obi-Wan
said, tears starting to form in his eyes. He tried to fight them and was
successful in keeping most of them from falling, but a couple of tears did make
their way down his face.
Qui-Gon looked
at him in surprise beat him? Where did he get the idea I would do something
like that? Upon seeing the tears running down the boy's face he reached out
and pulled his Padawan closer to him. As he did so the boy gasped and stiffened
from the pain. Concerned, Qui-Gon lifted up the boy's tunic to look at his back
and what he saw appalled him. "Take off your tunic Obi-Wan." He said. Although
his voice was quiet it was firm and the boy knew better than to argue. Yet
something about those words brought up deep, dark memories. Memories full of
pain and fear. He began to shake his head slowly and backed up a step.
Tears started
to fall and Obi-Wan couldn't stop them, whether he wanted to or not. The only
time that Na'em had ever wanted him to remove his tunic was for another one of his
beatings, and he didn't want another beating. Not now, not again, not ever.
"Please sir," he choked out. But he couldn't finish his sentence.
Qui-Gon
stepped forward and placed a hand on the trembling boy's shoulder, "Obi-Wan,
please remove your tunic. I just want to look at the bruises from the fight,
that's all. It looks as though Bruck got you pretty bad there and I need to see
if you should see a Healer or not. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." His
voice was kind and gentle and Obi-Wan began to calm. He still felt a flutter of
fear but he was beginning to learn to trust again, and he knew that he could
believe Qui-Gon. Silently he removed the tunic to allow his Master a better
view of his back.
Qui-Gon was
sure he was going to be sick at the sight before him. Sure, he had expected the
bruises from the fight but it was the scars that bothered him. All up and down
the boy's back ran long, evil looking scars. "What happened Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon
asked, as he ran his finger along one of the blemishes.
"I was
disobedient sir, and Master Na'em had to punish me for it." The boy whispered.
"Your Master
did this to you?" Qui-Gon asked in disbelief. What kind of monster was Na'em
anyhow?
"I was
disobedient Master. I know he overreacted sometimes, but that wasn't his fault.
He suffered from severe mood swings and depression after Joli died. Master
Na'em couldn't help it."
Qui-Gon
couldn't believe that Obi-Wan was protecting the man that had hurt, and from
the looks of it nearly killed, him. "Obi-Wan, Na'em should have gone and got
special help. It isn't your fault that he did this to you, it's his
fault. What could you possibly have done to deserve this?"
"There were
several times I was late getting home, that was a serious infraction. Master Na'em
didn't approve of wasted time and I guess I just didn't learn to be on time.
Actually Master, the one day I bumped into you and was late to class he would
have beaten me had you not told him about it. I suppose I should have thanked
you for that but I never got around to it so I guess I'm thanking you now. And
then of course there was the day I got into trouble with Instructor Anteles for
passing notes. When we got back to our quarters I stood up to Na'em and told
him that he wasn't going to beat me, when that didn't work I begged. Instead of
getting mercy I got a beating worse than all the other times. That's where most
of these scars are from because that was the only time he drew blood. Every
other time it just left painful welts for several days. So you see Master, it
was my fault." Obi-Wan explained.
"Please don't
say that, because it isn't your fault. If the blame should be placed anywhere
it should be on me. I knew something wasn't right but I didn't do anything to
find out. For that I am truly sorry. I am sorry for not saving you from this."
Qui-Gon said, following a scar that started near his shoulder blade and curved
all the way down his back.
Obi-Wan
couldn't stop the tears this time. He was beginning to realize that it wasn't
his fault and that Na'em had truly abused him. But he didn't want Qui-Gon
taking the blame. All those years of pent up emotions finally reached a high
point and the gates broke, allowing his tears to come freely.
As he cried
Qui-Gon took the boy into his arms and held him close. He didn't speak, only
held him and let his love flow through their bond. There wasn't much that words
could do right now, it wasn't a time for words anyway, but a time for action.
Gently he rocked the boy back and forth mumbling soothing phrases to help calm
his Padawan. For over an hour they sat their together, Qui-Gon holding and
comforting the poor boy, and together they began the road to recovery…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
After several
weeks of talking and seeing Healer's, both for the body and for the soul,
Obi-Wan was as close to normal as he would get after living through such a
harrowing experience. Both Master and Apprentice had been affected and together
they went to Soul Healer, Qui-Gon mostly to support his Padawan, hopefully to resolve
and heal Obi-Wan's reoccurring fears and the large rift that was between them
because of Na'em.
The Healer's
in the Healer Ward of the Temple had been able to remove most of Obi-Wan's
scars, but there was one that he bade them to leave alone. It was the scar that
curved from his right shoulder to the middle of his back, stopping abruptly
near his spine. Had Na'em hit him a few more times, a few centimeters more to
the left, his spine could have been damaged, perhaps causing death. When
Qui-Gon had asked why he wanted to keep such the reminder of such a painful
memory Obi-Wan smiled and replied, "Because Master, that scar tells of story
not of only of pain, but of a miracle. Na'em could have continued beating me
and could have damaged my spine and perhaps even killed me, but he didn't. For
some reason he stopped and it was after I received this scar that you came into
my life. You came and I began to trust again, to open up and to realize that
not all people are evil, that there is kindness out there. Master, I
keep the scar as a permanent remind of my near fatal error."
"Obi-Wan,"
Qui-Gon said, his voice becoming slightly stern, "What have we discussed about
blaming yourself for what happened? It wasn't you fault!"
"I know
Master, I wasn't blaming myself this time. Instead I was speaking the truth. I
nearly made a fatal error by accepting Master Na'em when I knew something was
wrong, and then again when I wouldn't trust you. So Master, I keep the scar so
that I will always remember the time and the incidents that were occurring when
you came and rescued me from a life that surely would have ended in misery and
pain. A life that probably would have ended in someone's death."
Qui-Gon smiled
sadly and pulled the boy close, "You know imp, I don't know what I would have
done without you."
Obi-Wan looked
up at his Master but didn't reply, he didn't need to. His contentment,
happiness, security and thanks could all be seen in his eyes. Instead the two
sat there in the comfortable silence and listened. Listened to the silence, to
the air. The felt the living Force flowing softly around them and through them
and all was well.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Prologue
Obi-Wan stood
in the large room with Qui-Gon and watched, as the fire consumed the body of
his former Master, Na'em Retsam. For several minutes he stood there staring at
the flames and wondering how this man could possibly have been so mean to him,
yet at the same time been so loved by everyone else. All those present in the
room, and there were several of them, mourned the man's death. To many he had
been a kind and generous, although strict, man and to a few, a Master.
As Obi-Wan
watched the body burning he tried to decipher his emotions. One part of him was
upset with the man, and glad that he was finally gone. And the other part was
sad that this great man had died. Both parts hated him, but yet at the same
time he didn't hate him at all. He hated Na'em for the things he had done to
him, yet he felt pity and sorrow for him because of all that Na'em had
suffered. Na'em's mood swings had come from the grief of loosing his former
Padawan Joli, and now Na'em would be joining Joli in the Force. Truly, this
would be what Na'em wanted.
Are you
alright Padawan? Qui-Gon asked quietly, reaching
out for signs of hatred and anger. He was surprised to find none.
Yes Master,
I am fine. Don't worry; I do not have any feelings of hatred now. I find that
although part of me wants to hate him I know that there is no way I can.
Instead I pity him and I feel sorry for him, but I don't hate. Obi-Wan assured the man,
knowing exactly what his Master was thinking.
I'm glad
Padawan, for hatred is an evil and terrible thing. It can destroy you. If you
are ready to go we can leave whenever you wish.
Obi-Wan nodded
and turned from the funeral pyre, forever closing the door on that part of his
past. Without hesitation he locked the door to his past, allowing himself
memories but now allowing himself to dwell in it, and then headed through the
door into his new future and a new life…
END
Author
Note: I know that Na'em Retsam was an evil man – so
I even made his name that way. His name has a "meaning". If you spell Na'em
Retsam backwards you'll see what I mean (i.e. spell THE CAT backwards = EHT
TAC).
