Title: "Catch Me Lucky Charms!"
Part(s): 1/1
Author: Nauta Iupiter (Makoto)
Archive: not up (if you want this, then you're crazier than I am, but OK, just ask! ^_~)
Warnings/Central Ideas: Silliness, St. Patrick's Day theme, little green men, no plot whatsoever!
Pairings: 1x2
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine, k? And the songs are arranged by "Gaelic Storm".
Notes: Hee, hee, I LOVE Ireland and St. Patty's Day!!! This is to you guys as payment for not posting or being on in so long!! C&C would be so very nice, if you survive the "little people". Hahahahahahahaha!!
"Catch Me Lucky Charms!" 1/1
The sun lay hidden behind the clouds, casting long eerie shadows upon the lush green earth. Hills upon hills of green pastures spread before the eye, covering the land as far as one could see; though at some far off point they simply fell, as long cliffs, into the wide, warm blue-green ocean. At some intervals, small villages sprung up, all simply little huts and graying stone that showed a glimpse of the countryside's age, but mainly it was just one huge pasture. To the dreamer, this place was heaven, the land so beautiful and succulent, but to the more scholarly the name Ireland had been bestowed.
On this particular day of days, the day when the magic of the woods and of the little people is cast about, two travelers were walking, slowly down an old stone path.
"One two three four five.... hunt the hare and turn her Down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin. Whack fa-lal-de-rah!"
"Duo, shut up."
"Ah, Mr. Grumpy Pants, it's just an Irish song!!! Heh, I think someone needs a trip to the Blarney Stone [0]!"
Ignoring the glare of the boy know as Heero Yuy, the jovial American skipped along, his long chestnut braid swinging playfully behind him. It was so wonderful here, unlike the barren wastelands this poor boy of only 15 had been subjected to for so long. This place was from a dream, so green and unspoiled that it made his already hyper nature blossom like a clover until it was a full out gaiety [1] of the spirit, so strong that it was actually affecting his stoic, blue-eyed companion. As he danced, he continued to sing.
"In Mullingar that night I rested limbs so weary.
Started by daylight next morning bright and early.
Took a drop o' the pure to keep me heart from sinkin'.
That's the Paddy's cure when e're he's on the drinkin'.
See the lassies smile, laughing all the while
at me daring style, 'twould set your heart a-bubblin'.
Asked me was I hired? Wages I required?
'Til I was almos tired of the rocky road to Dublin!"
"How much of that Guiness stuff did you drink back at that pub we stopped in a while back?"
Duo stopped and began to count off the pints on his fingers, upon reaching 7 he stopped, and with a confused expression and a shrug began to skip along again.
Heero just shook his head. It figured. And by watching the American's slightly tilted skipping, it was obvious he'd had far more than 7. He barely noticed when Duo started singing yet again. How he had learned all these Irish songs, Heero didn't know.
"Stand your ground, now don't you fall,
The excise men are at the wall...
Jesus Christ, they're drinking it all!
In the hills of Connemara!
Gather up the pots and the old tin cans,
The mash, the corn, the barley and the bran.
Run like the devil from the excise man,
Keep the smoke from rising, Barney!"
At this, the young pilot of Shinigami collapsed in a heap laughing his head off. For some odd reason it was terribly funny. Maybe the name Barney had brought forth pictures of that purple and green dinosaur? Nah, that'd have scared him, as it would most people. Maybe it was the fact that the "excise man" was chasing him, who knew, whatever it was, he was immobilized by laughter.
Heero stopped and knelt down by Duo.
"Are you ok?" he asked, trying to hide his annoyance at this delay.
"I'm.. hahaha... fine.. haha..." came the hiccuped reply.
With his Japanese partner's help, Duo managed to be in a sitting position. He was just about to speak, when a flash of green in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Turning his head in that direction, he saw nothing.
"Did you see that?" he asked, his voice shakey, almost scared.
"Nani? I didn't see anything." Heero replied calmly. "I think you just drank too much."
"No, I saw something, something small and green and ugly like Relina...." the violet lad's voice began to trail off as he stood and tiptoed over to where the creature had been.
"Duo, we're going to be late! They're expecting us at Quatre's safehouse." there was a note of annoyance in his voice, small, but to those who knew him, it was there.
"Shhhhh."
The pilot of Wing had to snort at this role reversal; usually it was he who was telling the other to be quite. This was a new twist.
A little ways away, Duo stood hunched over staring at small bush. Picking up a stick, he began to jab at the poor innocent shrubbery. Each jab cutting further and further into the plant. Until suddenly, in a blur of green and reddish hair a small creature ran out.
"Grab it!"
Heero stood blinking, more emotion that he usually showed. With his calculating mind he was rarely ever surprised, but seeing this odd thing before him was some what in shock. Duo's voice cut through his mind and snapped him back, and before the little thing knew it, one well built Gundam pilot, known as 01, was atop him.
"They're after me lucky charms!" screached the creature as he squirmed benieth Heero.
"Who?" came Duo's voice as he walked up to his lover, who now had the thing in his grasp and was sitting up. "Is it OZ? I'm betting it's OZ!"
"Baka. OZ isn't responsible for EVERYTHING!"
"Uh-huh! Ask Dorothy!"
"Catolonia?"
"No, not that freak, the chick from the Wizard of Oz!"
The two continued to argue over it for a few minutes until the small man interrupted them by clearing his throats.
"Look lads, ti's fine an' all, but e're must be on me way or they'll get me!"
"Why are they after you?" Duo asked.
"They want me Lucky Charms!" he stated wildly, his eyes darting to and fro.
"The injustice!" came a new voice.
"Wufei, you aren't in this story!"
"Am now."
The Leprechaun scrunched up his wrinkly features and shrugged. What was he to judge these mortals? After all he was odd by their standards.
Turning back to his capture, he bit him hard, yet was surprised to find the boy didn't flinch.
"What are ye?" he asked amazed that his pointy teeth had not even left a mark.
"I'd like to know that myself!" piped in Duo as he stared expectantly at his partner.
"What?" Heero asked looking at all the eyes on him. "Oh come on, Wufei can just pop into the story with no explanation, but when I get bit and I don't budge THAT'S strange?! I'm the 'Perfect Soldier' remember? It doesn't HAVE to make sense!"
"True." Mummbled Duo nodding.
"Yes, he's right." added Wufei.
They all turned back to the little curly red-haired man who was still squirming in Heero's hand.
"So, are these 'Lucky Charms' magical?" asked Duo.
"Is it your pot of gold?" added Wufei.
Heero gave him an odd look at that and Wufei just shrugged saying, "What? I know some things too, k?"
"Ne, me Lucky Charms are far greater than that, they're..." he trailed off as a shrill, ear piercing, fingers on chalkboard sounding, screech came from over the hill.
Suddenly a huge pink monster came running down, headlong at our heroes.
"Heeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo!!!!!!" came the monster's battle cry.
Lucky, as the freckled haired little man was called by his peers of elves and other leprechauns, jerked back in total fear. In all his days, he had NEVER seen anything as hideous and freaky as the creature coming toward them.
Looking up at Heero's somewhat shocked face, he asked. "What in the devil is that?"
"Ahhhh, it's just Relina. You'll get use to her." the Japanese boy said, shaking it off.
"Heero, I wanted to see you!"
"Yeah, she does this a lot!" added Duo with a roll of his eyes.
Lucky shook his head. "I'm so sorry! You poor lads, having to deal with the likes of... of... what IS it, exactly?"
"A stupid Onna!" answered Wufei simply, as he crossed his arms and frowned in Relina's direction.
"Any suggestions on how to get rid of her?" asked Duo hopefully. "We've tried EVERYTHING!! Shooting her, ditching her, I mean we're talking Antarctica here, poisoning her, locking her in a room with Dorothy, blowing up the building she's in, and it goes on and on!!!"
"I may have an idea, laddie." with that the small man blew on a whistle.
Suddenly a small army of gnomes marched in and tackled Relina to the rocky ground. As they worked they chanted, "Time to go to work, work all day, search for underpants, k. We won't stop till we have underpants, yum tum yumie tum te. [2](to listen http://www.spdownloads.com/sounds/epi_217/217_gnomesong.wav )" And then proceeded to steal her underpants.
"What do you DO with the underpants?" asked Duo rather curiously. "Do you dress up in women's undies? Or is this a mutual gender thing?"
"MAXWELL!" groaned Wufei just before the blood began to spurt from his nose.
"Need underpants to make profit." Said one of the gnomes.
"It's a three step process, pussy." Said another. "Phase 1: Collect Underpants. Phase 2:??? Phase 3: Profit!"
"Uh, ok." Duo said regretting that he had asked, then turning to Heero added. "Why are they in this fic? I mean, aren't they from another show?"
"Hai." The messy brunette replied. "But we needed an effective way to kill Relina and move on with the plot, mm'kay?"
"K!" The American agreed chipperly. He didn't care if it resulted in the pink terrors demise.
"Oh my god, they killed Relina!" Trowa shouted as he suddenly walked up to the group.
"You bastards!" added Quatre, who was beside him.
Soon the gnomes were gone, with their underpants and Relina lying dead on the ground, rats eating away at her. How they killed her and why shall remain a mystery, though some believe they weren't really gnomes, but aliens who wanted to stick a 90ft anal probe up her ass. Heh, like there's such a thing as an alien!
Anyway, back to the Leprechaun...
"What's that?" asked Qautre, his attention turned to the little man with the heavy Irish accent.
"That is a Leprechaun!" stated Duo simply. "Why are you guys here?"
"We got bored waiting for the end of the story." Trowa said softly. "And by the way it was going, we figured it we'd never be in this unless we came now!"
Lucky smile smugly and turned to the boys, interrupting with. "Now, lads, I do believe, that after such a service I rendered ye, that I should be let go!"
"Not so fast!" said Heero, jerking on a green suspender. "You still haven't told us what your Lucky Charm is."
"Iiieee, well.." Lucky sighed, he might as well tell them, though he knew they'd be after them too once they knew. "They're, hearts, stars, and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows and me red balloons!"
Then he jerked away from Heero and began to run away, singing, "Catch me lucky charms! They're magically delicious!"
Duo began to run after the little man crying, "Catch Lucky!"
And the other's soon followed.
They ran over mountain and grass; through pastures and grass; past old castle remains and grass; even through a Celtic cemetery with large stone crosses, until finally they trapped the little man against a rainbow. They were just about to grab him when a downpour of small, colorful candy hit them [3], and they were down for the count.
Duo started to hear soft voices calling to him through his unconscious haze, apparently his friends were up already. With a slight groan, he opened his eyes and sat up in, finding that instead of grass benieth him, there was a silk sheet.
"Where are we?" he asked groggily. "Did you guys catch Lucky? You didn't let him get away, did you?! And what about the underpants gnomes?!!!!"
"Duo," interrupted a calm Heero as he stroked his koi's hand. "Shhh. It was all a dream. You passed out at that bar, too much beer I guess. So I called Wufei and we took you back here to Quatre's estate. You've been out for an hour."
"But, but." Stuttered the braided boy. "It felt so real. And you were there, and you, and you.[4]"
He looked at each one of them with huge, confused violet eyes.
"Shhh, now, get some sleep!" the Japanese boy said, gently coaxing his lover back into the bed. "I love you."
"I love you too, Heero...." He whispered as he drifted off.
"Now, to get his underpants!!!"
The End?!
Notes:
[0] Legend has it, the Blarney stone grants anyone who kisses it a talkative tongue (this be great for Trowa and Heero)
[1] Gay as in either sense of the word! ^_~
[2] From South Park
[3] Yep, Skittles, "Taste the Rainbow"
[4] Dorothy says this at the end of the "Wizard of Oz"
OMG!!! You made it this far?! You are a VERY brave person!!! Congrats!!