[Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the computer I type this
at (it's my father's work computer.. Eee.) I'm broke, and I am a
child, so suing me is completely pointless. This story contains
romance, sap, and utter fluff. There is a hinting of
shounen-ai in there, somewhere, but nothing big.]
Setting: Songfic to Sarah McLachlan's 'Fumbling Towards Ecstasy';
very pretty song, look it up on Napster or something if you don't
know it. Wufei is now a Preventer, a few years after Endless
Waltz......
---
// All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath. \\
Chang Wufei snarled under his breath as he loomed over the laptop, seated at his desk, within his quarters. The light its screen gave off illuminated the darkened, lampless room, and gave an eerie glow to the Chinese Preventer's work-worn features. It was late at night, and besides that, his own little niche, which he used only for sleeping and private work, had no windows. There was no need for them.. If he needed daylight, he could go outside.
"You can't just ignore your mission forever," came a voice from the speakers; the reason for his sour attitude. On the monitors flickered the face of another preventer, unfamiliar to him besides her frequent relay of missions, her face darkened by the atmosphere of her outdoor station. "Really, Wufei, I can't see why you are so very hostile when it comes to this. You aren't afraid, are you?"
"I'm not afraid of anything, woman!" he replied, angrily, before slamming his fist onto the keyboard, causing the connection to close. Now that was a lie, if there ever was one.. It had been three weeks since he'd received his mission, and it was simple enough: there had been rumors of a few, idiotic persons working at a base near the equator, trying to develop their own line of mobile suits. Of course, no one knew if they even were, and if the rumors were true, how far they have gotten. He was simply ordered, along with a handful of other Preventers, to head down and join his partner, Sally Po, in her research. As it always seemed to turn out, all were paired up, and Sally was, as usual, his assigned other-half.
How could he not be scared?
He'd seen her around, of course.. He'd offered her a polite nod, maybe even a slight smile, but that was it. 'Not afraid of anything' was definitely an understatement of the worst kind. If he wasn't afraid now, he didn't know fear, and it wasn't because of the mission.. he was afraid of seeing Sally. Besides the cordial motions of recognition, or the occasional, brusk greeting, he'd tried to avoid her. When she was around, he felt weak, for some reason. Humbled. More than a bit inferior. With other Preventers he only listened when he needed to, much less obeyed, but with Sally..
He'd told himself over, and over again that he could overcome
it all. After all, she was just a weak woman, nothing more..
Wasn't she? And yet.. He hated how she made him feel, and how
he'd be ridiculed if he even tried to talk it out with someone.
Others never bothered hiding their emotions.. It was a free for
all of feelings. Even Heero, the perfect soldier, the stoic
fighter of their one-time team, had come to grips with his
feelings. Wufei still remembered one time in particular..
---
They had been relaxing in one of the many rooms of Quatre's manor, each pilot enjoying their last night as a team. Their Gundams had been destroyed that very morning, and now each had to go their separate ways. It was tough.. Though there was still hostility, Wufei had felt somewhat lost, and even, dare he say, saddened by the thought that they wouldn't be working together. He admired them all.. Heero, in his abilities in the battlefield.... Duo, and his optimistic views... Quatre, and his kindness that was open to anyone.. Trowa, who, while somewhat antisocial and confusing at times, saw the world in a way he never could... They clicked glasses full of wine together, and each put on a brave face, remembering times passed.... Except Duo, who had fallen asleep conveniently placed on Heero's lap.
Wufei sniffed at the display, as Heero offered a light smile (which was odd for even him), and pulled the boy's braid from his face. "Of all of here, Yuy, I would've thought you would be the strongest, and least likely to fall victim to.. That," he'd said, motioning toward the sleeping Shinigami, who the soldier fondly gazed at. Heero had simply lifted a blank look to his Chinese ally, and said, in his powerful, emotionless tone:
"But I am strong. I'm not afraid of love."
// And if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love. \\
- - - -
A week later, Wufei found himself in the dark, and unwelcoming bowels of one of the Southern hemisphere's rainforests, or what was left of them. Flies and random bugs zigged and zagged before his eyes, and he rarely found a few moments when he didn't need to take a blind swing at them. Nothing thwarted them.. He'd felt the same way back when he had Shenlong, and mobile suits seemed to come from everywhere, all directions, not relenting. Less would die if they sucked in their pride and left... Not that he'd do that himself, though.
"Wufei... Wufei! Is that you?" He turned on a heel to the voice that greeted him. There she was, curls bouncing on both sides of her head at will, a smile etched across her face as if she could smile down anything.. Well, she could surely smile him down, at least. She wore her normal Preventers uniform, though it seemed slightly faded from her time in this harsh climate. Within moments she was next to him, a hand outstretched in a friendly gesture of greeting. "It's been so long since we've worked together.. How have you been? We never talk.." Not if I can help it, Wufei thought, biting his tongue.
"Just fine, and I can take care of myself." Sally just sniffed, her smile dimming a bit. Why was he still so.. Hostile towards her? She greeted him, as always, with friendly advances, and yet he continued to push her away. Damn it all, was she not trying hard enough? She didn't know what she wanted from him.. Just.. Something. A smile, maybe, a bit of admiration, something more.. Whatever it is, he wasn't eager on satisfying her. There wasn't anything special about him, really.. He was arrogant, antisocial, and stubborn, yet she chased him all the same. Chased him, and chased him, never coming close to catching up.
"Same old Wufei, eh? Well, let's get you to you to your quarters. You must be dead tired after the long way here.." His 'quarters' turned out to be nothing more than one of a few simple tents set up in a circular pattern, supplies and such kept in the center. "If you need anything, Mercedes can get it sent down, I'm sure.."
"The fool girl wouldn't let me sleep till I left," he spat, "so she'd better be ready to assist." Sally just laughed, and sat down next to a fire with a couple of others, all chatting amiably, while he disappeared into his tent.
It was only a few moments until he was asleep...
---
"Can't you just let it go, Wu? It'll be all right.. Just.. try and let it go."
"Let it go? Sounds like something a dim little onna would say.."
"But Wu--"
"My name is not 'Wu', it is Wufei, and that's what you'll call me, woman!"
The look Sally had given him was one he'd never forget. It was so pitiful, so lost, so in need of comfort.. Comfort he wasn't about to give. He had just turned from her, firmly setting his jaw, eyes narrowed. What was he doing? Damned if he knew.. The words just came forth from his mouth before he even thought them through, and he'd look like a fool if he corrected himself now.
"If that's what you want... Wufei." Her voice had been hollow, and it was her turn to turn from him, and walk away, as if nothing had happened. But he heard the pitch of her voice raise slightly in anticipation of a held-back sob. And he'd just let her walk away, like always... Always letting her just walk away..
---
Wufei woke with a growl in his throat, and a throbbing pain in his head. That dream again... It was rare when he could fall asleep without reliving that moment. The first time he let her walk away... But he was over that now, wasn't he? He was a man, and a man didn't let things like that rule his life, much less his dreams. A hand lifted to massage his temple, and he sat up, gazing blindly around before his eyes settled on a form beside him...
"It's about we got up," Sally chimed, smiling, as she sat on the inside of the tent flap. He snarled, and pulled his sleeping bag closer to him, before remembering he hadn't actually undressed for bed, and relaxed a bit. "The others left a long time ago... I didn't have the heart to leave you here. C'mon, up and at 'em, partner." She offered a hand, which the slightly-dazed boy took, after a moments' hesitation. I'm not afraid of love, that's what Heero had said.. But he wasn't Heero. Though he'd never admit it aloud, the soldier was his superior, in more ways than one.
"We need to hurry if we are to catch up," he replied, bluntly, brushing off his clothing.
"Oh, we'll never catch up.. They left hours ago. I thought we could just.. Hang around, so to speak." Wufei gave her an odd look, and shook his head, sauntering out of the tent with Sally in his wake. "What? Are we afraid of me, now? Am I that scary, that the almighty Wufei trembles at the mere thoughts of being around me, eh?" At his name, the boy turned to see Sally standing there, hand on hip, a mocking look in her eye.
"If I've told you twice, onna, I've told you too many times.. I'm not afraid of you, or anyone! I can spend the day with anyone I want, anywhere I want!"
"Good. Then it'll be just like old times.. Won't it?"
Just like old times....
// Companion to our demons
they will dance and we will play.
With chairs candles and cloth
making darkness in the day.
It will be easy to look in or out,
upstream or down,
without a thought. \\
The forest was alive with the melodic shrieks and constant movement of the life within it. At each turn, three was something knew, something enticing, some awe-inspiring.. Vibrant colors, intimidating creatures, exhilarating features...
And bugs. Lots, and lots of bugs.
Leave it to Wufei to look at all the good things around him, and instead see just the bad things that plagued him. The brush and plant life before him fell effortlessly to the ground beneath the blade he carried, and Sally tagged behind him, through the path he cleared. She seemed so happy that it sickened him.. That overly saccharine grin that made him cringe, that playful gleam to her eyes, the way she seemed to glide as she walked, the way her--- Aiiie! What was he thinking? He nearly caught himself growling outwardly, but stopped it; she may ask him to explain, and he didn't feel like lieing, nor was he about to tell her.
"This is wonderful, isn't it, Wufei..." Sally's voice was wistful, and he paused to glance back at her, with a huff. She met his eyes, and her smile widened. She was getting to him...
"Perhaps in your mind it is, but all I see are ravenous bugs and poisonous things. You included." This dimmed the woman's hopeful look, and she turned away, allowing them to continue. There he goes again, acting like the pig he was.. Oh, he knew very well how he was making her feel, but it was the only way to overcome what he felt. 'Liking' someone was a simple emotion, and rudeness and antisocial behavior cured it.. right? At least it had in the past. He remembered speaking with Heero about these 'problems' of his.. Of all people, he had figured the perfect soldier would be able to help him, he seemed to have such a firm grip on life...
---
"If you could only see what his silly woman is doing to me.. It's insane!" Wufei snarled into the silence that hung between he and his fellow gun dam pilot, Heero typing idly away on his laptop. "I didn't think I'd have to resort to asking you for counseling, Yuy, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Hn.
"She's everywhere I go.. I can't avoid her anymore. Now I can't even work without seeing her smiling at me, and it sickens me."
"Hn."
"And she always wants to talk to me, no matter how clearly I state that I do not want to 'chat'. Are you following this...?"
"Mm."
"But then I think to myself, well, perhaps I do want to talk to her.. But I have my pride. She's a pathetic onna who needs to find a new target to fawn over. Not that I mind it all that much.. Er, of course I do. Do not. Do..... not. What should I do?"
"......"
"What would you do in this situation? No, never mind.. I don't want to kill her. So I suppose I'll just let it go, and see what happens. Thanks, Yuy.. I'll remember this."
".....Hn."
---
Maybe talking to her was the lesser of evils.. Plus, she may just be being friendly. And if he didn't talk to her, she would just keep blindly following him, and would never know how he felt towards her annoying jabber. Slowly his pace, he sheathed his blade for a moment, half-turning toward Sally, who immediately stopped en suite.
"So.." he started, tersely. "The others are... Gone. Out doing... Work." Oh yes. Smooth, Wufei, smooth..
"Or so they say," Sally replied, with a laugh, letting her hair bounce. "But there isn't much we can do... It's a quiet front. Not much to lead us. That why I wanted you down here, Wu. We need someone else's perspective, and you definitely have your own way of thinking." He smirked, smugly, fiddling with the handle of his sword. "Not that it's always a good thing." Arg... For a moment there he was actually -comfortable-, but.. He wouldn't get mad. He had will-power. He was stronger than that...
"I think what I want," he quipped, in a final way, coughing into his fist. Silence again... Why did he just keep letting himself act this way? If he were stronger, maybe he'd be able to say more. Maybe he'd just ask her 'Hey, what's the deal?'. Well, not exactly like that, but.. Despite that, he couldn't. He was weak. "Weak..."
"Hmm?" He glanced up, awkwardly, at Sally's questioning noise, before realizing that he had spoken aloud. "Really, Wufei, you shouldn't go insulting people.. I know I'm weaker than you, but--"
"I wasn't talking to you, woman," he snapped, cutting her off before flinging his sword out again, fiercely starting to move again. "...Plus, I wouldn't call you weak, because you aren't."
"Wu--" But Sally didn't continue, but just followed,
with a light sigh of contentment.
// and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love. \\
---
Maybe an hour later, give or take some time, the two found themselves beneath a waterfall, the liquid cascading down the cliff side and adding to the beauty of the scene. Sally smiled, and was content to stare, while Wufei sniffed and pawed up to the edge of the small basin at the 'fall's base and sitting on a stone there, starting to clean his sword.
"Now this is beauty.." Sally started, leaning on a tree and basking in the sunlight that rained down upon her. "Even you have to agree, Wu." Wu.. For some reason, he'd been letting her call him that, but now wasn't a time to suddenly change his mind, and let her see his mistake. He simply gave a noise that could be taken as assent or disapproval, and sheathed the sword for the second time that trip, finding himself another rock, higher up, to sit up, working himself into a lotus position.
"What are you up to now?"
"Meditating," he said, simply, as if that explained
everything, and closed his eyes. Peace... Well, for a while,
before he sensed another form at his side, felt someone sit
beside him on the stone's broad surface, but he dared not open
his eyes, lest he scare them away...
.
// Peace in the struggle to find peace.
Comfort on the way to comfort \\
For a while he just sat there, feeling the heat from the visage near him, and somehow, for some unknown reason, he didn't mind. The smell that filled the air was intoxicating, something not natural.. Perfume? Whatever it was, it caused him to breath a bit more deeply, lean in a bit more closer... His mind was a whirr of color, and incoherent thoughts, and whether it was the other personage or the thick sent of the air that caused it, he wasn't sure. Eyes still clasped shut, he purred, softly, a low rumble in his throat, and he felt the other figure lean in closer to him as well...
Then something happened to bring him back to the normal world. Both leaning, he smiled, to himself, before suddenly, without him even aware of it, he felt a pair of lips press against his, as light as a butterfly's wing brushing against him. The colors faded, the surrealistic nature of his feeling dimmed, and slowly, after a moment of staying as he was, he let his eyes flutter open, gazing with blurred vision at what lay before him. There she was, beside him, goldenrod hair gleaming in the sunlight, her eyes closed as his were. His first reaction was to pull away; this was Sally beside him and Sally he was kissing! But somehow he restrained himself, something inside him, a voice from the back of his mind....
---
Meiran gently wrapped her arms around her husband as he sat back in his chair, slightly annoyed, eyes scanning he novel he held. "Wu..." Not that name again.. It was all right if she called him that, but no other. "Wu... Do you love me?" Before he knew it, she was in front of him, flipping his book down and forcing him to look at her. "Do you, Wu?"
"...You're my wife," he said, after an awkward hesitation. "Of course I love you, why would you think--" His eyes widened as the young girl quickly leaned forward to kiss him, and he flailed, causing her to pull away, with a laugh. "W-what was that for?"
"You don't love me," she said, simply, laughs dieing and shifting into a slight sigh. "But that's.. acceptable. I didn't ask you to marry me. You had no choice." Meanwhile, Wufei was confused...
"You fool girl, it's my duty to love you," he said, though both children could tell he was lieing. Arranged marriages rarely ended in love, and while he respected her immensely, even admired her to the point of worship, he didn't love his chosen. "So I will."
"No, Wufei," she said, stopping him from speaking. "If you loved me, you'd want to kiss me... Don't worry, dear. Maybe someday you'll see for yourself the difference between this, and love, but for now...." She gave him a light peck on the cheek, before standing, half-bowing, and making her way to the door, "I am content if you are."
---
Sally dared to finally open her eyes, as Wufei had, but the sight she met wasn't as encouraging as his.. He was looking right at her! And he didn't seem all too happy, more like surprised. "Wu....I..." She pulled away, forcefully, and stood up, brushing her clothes off while brushing furiously. "...I'm so sorry, I.. It won't happen again, I promise, I just...." Wufei just leaned back on his stone, nonchalantly watching Sally as she fretted, but remaining emotionless, even as he stood as well, and clasped his arms behind his back.
"What was that about, woman?" he asked, innocently enough, arching his brow. "Did you think that I wanted you to do that? That I loved you, suddenly? Do you think that I came all the way out here..."
"Wu..."
"...Just so I..."
"Please, Wu, I'm sorry..."
"...Could do what I'm about to do?"
Now there was silence, and Sally slowly began to turn towards him, but was stopped as, all of a sudden, he was there, in front of her. He was no longer that boy she met one day in China, a Gundam-piloting rebel with a problem seeing what was and was not.. He was a man, a man with a purpose, one who knew what he wanted. And, as he drew her close, and kissed her, quickly, it was very clear what he wanted.... She smiled, shakily, as he held her close, both silent for a moment. "Wu... So you... Aren't afraid of me, are you?" She laughed, eyes sparking, and he even chuckled to himself.
"How many times do I have to tell you, onna, I'm not afraid of anything!"
And I'm not afraid of love...
//and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love.
I won't fear love.
I won't fear love...\\